Poetry by: Tim Wellman
{ Warm } {TWO, LATE }{ Joxer's Poem }{ Story }
{ Endings } { The Fallen }{ Back to Tim's Poetry Page }
Funny that cold nights take me back
to a warm glance, to the first chance
I had to find a heart beating beneath the armor,
to melt into your friendship, into a journey
that became 'ours'. And if I never tell you,
still I know it's understood, this path we follow,
this life you have given me, is the reason,
on cold nights like this, I can stoke the fire,
and dream. Oh Xena, if there are stars in the sky,
it is because of you; and all my wishes fall
through your eyes, and land in the palms of my hands,
presented like gifts I gladly give back to you.
And if, for a thousand lifetimes, the journey
continues, never finding an end,
look beside you, because I'll be there
my dearest friend, forever holding fast
to this adventure, to this love,
only fearing the thought of cold nights
like this... without you.
{TWO, LATE }{ Joxer's Poem }{ Story }
{ Endings } { The Fallen }{ Top of Page }
Late... and I feel like waking you,
to explain, to say anything to catch
your eyes in a stare for a moment...
sometimes, sometimes I wish words
didn't exist, and you could simply
read my heart like a book, and find,
instead of silly illusions, a concrete
world, revolving around you, spinning
on the tips of your fingers, spiraling
out of control toward your soul.
A brave warrior... right; if you only knew
how afraid I am of you, of your touch,
but even more of losing you before
I can say silly words... damn, why
is it so hard... Gabrielle, I love you.
Ha! Now to say them aloud...
my sleeping queen, your princess wants you
tonight, wants you forever.
I want to storm your dreams, proudly riding
as if into battle, only to lay down my sword
at your feet and fall into the peace
that surrounds you. Sweet bard, hold on
till I have the strength to save you...
to save us. It's here someplace, hidden
beneath the shadows of this lonely place
in my heart.
{ Warm } { Joxer's Poem }{ Story }
{ Endings } { The Fallen }{ Top of Page }
For a brief moment, the shadows fell away,
and someplace as distant as a lover's sigh
was close enough to feel against my cheek,
and for nothing more than honesty
I held you; and as you sang, I followed
a million words crossing my mind,
but I let them go, too afraid of waking,
I guess, or too foolish to remember.
And I knew, you know, I knew the ending
was hiding beneath the skirts of every whisper
but it didn't matter at the moment,
nothing mattered as I held your face in my hands
and traced the outline of every wish
I dared to make.
So, I couldn't hide the heart of a fool
as you walked away, your laughter once again
because of me, only the reason had changed;
but, for a brief moment, I held your smile
as a gentle gift, and I almost believed...
ha! funny... almost believed... in me.
{ Warm } {TWO, LATE }{ Story }
{ Endings } { The Fallen }{ Top of Page }
The darkness is there, always,
a cold reminder of how close I was,
how close I was to stepping into it
forever, becoming a shadow of myself.
And even now, it draws me sometimes;
sometimes I look at my hands and still
see the blood... does it matter that
it’s the blood of the guilty now?
But sing to me innocence and renewal,
sweet bard; speak softly and let your words
caress my fears into submission.
Smile and allow your light into my soul;
tell me the darkness will eventually
unfold into morning; tell me fairy tales
and noble adventures... and let me
step across your words into your sunny day
and play like a child.
Sweet bard, tell me lies and myths
and make me believe them, make me believe
in something other than falling endlessly
toward my own stories, wanting even to die
for an ending, wanting only to stop writing
the past over and over. Gabrielle, I want
to believe in anything other than myself...
tell me a tale of peace tonight.
{ Warm } {TWO, LATE }{ Joxer's Poem }
{ Endings } { The Fallen }{ Top of Page }
If I could write the ending now
to our story, a script to follow,
I would want us to slowly fade
like a sunset disappearing into the night.
And I would lay my head on your breast,
wanting the last sound I heard
to be your heartbeat, old, unsteady,
till we both still to silence.
But I know you... you hate silence,
you would write a battle, valiant,
falling to the ringing metal surrounding you...
and you would write me, surviving.
Something inside you knows
you will never grow old...
inside me too... but I fight against
the truth as you fight against
the nagging desire to war...
Oh Xena, please, if you go,
promise me... promise me
you'll listen for my heart
as age slows it to silence,
and listen for my voice...
as my last breath calls you
to once again walk by my side.
{ Warm } {TWO, LATE }{ Joxer's Poem }
{ Story } { The Fallen }{ Top of Page }
Before...
As daylight ends, falling like a wishing star,
I know again, the beating of a heart,
any heart, like mine, beating could stop
for a whispered moment and save me.
Darkness, I once screamed for you
like a sweating lover, now you scare me,
hold me so tightly not even my own light
penetrates, not even my own life
concentrates enough passion to escape your grasp.
Where, among remembered and forgotten things
did I lose... something, some thing I need now
to fold me into the hems of a sunny day,
laughing, running like a foolish child
toward anything less like myself.
Is my soul so black now I can't find it
in the dark reflections surrounding me?
Soft mirror, night, I don't want to drown
in your shimmering pools, but feeling for the edge
has always been my weakness...
so many hidden ways to slip beneath the surface,
so many facets to the quiet jewel, silence.
After...
I try to remind myself to remember
each moment as it passes fragile as a breath,
holding it like a secret, only wanting
to speak, to tell someone, anyone...
Oh Gabrielle, what magician's spell fell
upon me? Where, among conquests and battles
did I lose myself? Sweet bard, beat the rhythm
of my heart in your metered verse, break this curse
and help me, as darkness falls, help me memorize
each sound of your sigh, each rise and fall
of our bodies, lying, lying like lovers.
Trace the outline of my lips with your fingers,
let me come inside your darkness and find peace.
Ha! Musings of a mad woman fallen from battle
into the arms of the conquered. Little woman
lower yourself onto me, let me feel every muscle
tighten as you take me, let me be your prey
as you devour the night, let me play
in the sun-golden silkiness of your hair
and pull myself into your light.
{ Warm } {TWO, LATE }{ Joxer's Poem }
{ Story } { Endings } { Top of Page }