By Anj (A.k.a. Azurenon)
DISCLAIMERS: No copyright infringement is intended by the use of titles, artist's names and/or lyrics of the songs contained herein. These have merely been used for entertainment value and possible storyline continuity. All the characters are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is purely coincidental.
Violence: This story contains scenes and/or references to physical, emotional and sexual violence.
Sex: It centers on an explicit sexual relationship between two women. It is intended for MATURE AUDIENCES. So if you're under age 18, this is illegal where you are or this just isn't your cup of tea, then you have been forewarned, please exit stage left. If you are mature enough and I've captured your attention, then moving right along here...
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Be it known the author has no firsthand knowledge concerning physical or sexual violence. Nor does she even pretend to know anything about "call girls" or "ladies of the evening". Therefore, I ask that the reader please forgive any mistakes and/or oversights. Especially so in the area of giving the healing process of such aforementioned experiences the in-depth attention they so richly deserve. This story is complete fiction, written merely for entertainment. In its entirety, it contains 23 chapters: at around 10 pgs per chapter.
Thanks go to all my friends for their support and encouragement over the years.
(Written 1993. Revised 2001)
I had finished my meal, paid the check, went to the bathroom, even watched a game of pool from the doorway of the back room, gotten bored and went back to my table before Rick finally strolled in the door. He had a heavily made up blonde, in a tight black leather mini skirt, high top boots and tank top on one arm. And on the other, a bit older brunette, not nearly as heavily made up, who was wearing a tan suede mini skirt, cream colored calf high cowboy boots and a low cut, short-waisted, heavily fringed, western style tan jacket, minus the blouse.
He approached the table, grinning from ear to ear. He looked like the cat that had swallowed the canary. Evidently, he had already picked himself up some company for the night. I glanced at my watch. It was not quite five o'clock. I could only assume he started things rolling early. I wondered if he had changed his mind about taking me back to the interstate.
"How was the food?" he inquired, still grinning, as he stopped beside my table and let go of the brunette.
"Good," I responded, watching the brunette, who was looking me over; as if I were something she was about to buy.
"Ready for a little... dessert?" he asked, with a wink, as he pulled the blonde closer.
I glanced from him to the brunette, who now had her hand on the back of the bench seat and was looking at me as if she wanted to sit down beside me.
"Umm... I'm full," I replied, easing over in the seat to make room for her.
She glanced around at him and smiled. The blonde snickered, then moved out of his embrace and into the seat across from me. She winked at me and giggled. I looked up at him, as he slid into the seat beside her. He was still grinning from ear to ear. The brunette touched me on the shoulder, as she eased down in the seat beside me, her arm sliding across the back of it and around behind me.
"It is your first time, isn't it?" she asked, her voice rather deep and scratchy sounding. She cocked her head to one side in an endearing way.
I had no idea what she was talking about, but I found it hard to take my eyes off her. She had long straight black hair, parted in the middle, dark, piercing brown eyes, long dark lashes, full glossy lips, a deep, golden tan and she smelled like she had just walked out of one of those ritzy stores that sell expensive perfume. Her jacket was cut so low, that it was nearly impossible not to notice her burgeoning bosom, or the turquoise charm, with two tiny silver feathers, that dangled between them.
"First time... for what?" I stammered, my voice cracking, thinking how my father would beat me to within an inch of my life if I'd ever worn anything that revealing.
She smiled, then reached over and placed her right hand on my knee. I glanced down at it, then up at her, and finally over at Rick. He was still grinning. I suddenly got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, as he mouthed the word "DESSERT" and winked.
I swallowed so hard, I thought for a moment I had swallowed my own tongue. At the same moment, the brunette's hand began slowly moving up my leg. I swallowed hard again and stared at it. I might be able to fool people by using the men's restroom, but I'd never fool them about a thing like this. I had to figure a way out of it and fast.
I knew I could not bluntly refuse her, because that would more than likely expose me. Boys were supposed to be eager for this and I was supposed to be a boy. To let my true gender be known right this minute would have been like spitting in Rick's face. And the women would have laughed him right out of the restaurant.
"You got a name?" the brunette asked, as she stroked my neck with the fingers of the hand behind me, while the other one inched up my leg. "Hmm, honey?" she prodded, her fingers wandering around to my left ear and circling it, lightly.
"Da... Darby," I squeaked out, grabbing the hand that was about to blow my cover.
"Well, Darby," she said, stroking my ear and moving closer. "What'cha say you and me... have a little fun, hmm?"
"Umm.... I..." I was frantically searching my mind for a way out of this. "Umm... I don't... have any money." I said coming up with what I thought was the perfect excuse.
She glanced over at Rick and the arm behind my head moved back around to my right shoulder, where she draped it across it. I thought I was home free, until her hand came up and cupped my chin, turning my face towards her.
"Ever had a woman before?" she asked, softly, staring into my eyes.
I shook my head frantically in the hope that this would finally get me off the hook.
"Didn't think so," she commented. "You still have that cute little peach fuzz here." She rubbed her finger over the side of my face. "And right here." She moved her index finger towards my lips and drew a line across the upper one. The aroma of her perfume assailed my senses. It was nice, almost intoxicating.
"I wouldn't take your money, sweetie, even if you had any," she continued, "See, I have a real... fancy, you might say for... virgins." She circled my lower lip now, running her finger across it, while her other hand wiggled free from my grasp.
I quickly regained a hold on it, before she made a stunning discovery. She glanced over at Rick. He now had a concerned look on his face, even though the blonde was playing up to him, by rubbing her hand over his chest.
The brunette slowly turned back to me. "Just come with me, hmm? I'll be very gentle. That's what I like about young boys like you, ya see. I like to break'em in real nice and gentle like." Her face was moving closer and closer to mine with each uttered word and I was mesmerized by her voice, as well as the movement of the glossy lips forming those words. "Every young boy deserves to have his first time at the hands of a more experienced woman." She circled my lips with her finger and had me wondering if what I felt now was what a boy would be feeling.
Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her breath against my own lips. A part of my mind was screaming out, "No, no, don't do this, don't do this". And yet another part of me was so captivated by her and what she was doing that I was completely immobile. And before I knew it, she had kissed me.
My lips trembled at the contact and my stomach did flip-flops. My heart seemed to jump up in my throat and began beating very rapidly. For a moment, it was all I could hear, drumming away in my ears. I swallowed hard and turned away, subsequently freeing her other hand.
She had already rubbed my crotch before I caught it again.
"Oh, sweetie, I understand," she said, as I glared at her. "You're still young yet. Besides..." She leaned over closer and I turned my head away. "Bigger ain't always better," she whispered, as she gripped my right hand. "Let me show you what I mean, hmm?"
It was not what she said, but the feel of her breath against my ear and neck that sent sensations flowing over my body, which made me tingle from head to toe.
She pulled on my hand, as she slid down the seat. I started to pull away, my mind screaming that this had to stop and soon. Then I glanced over at Rick, who was staring at me, intently. I further glanced around the restaurant and found several pairs of male eyes trained on me, as well as those of Dora. I realized she had known about this all along. Somehow when I mentioned his name, I had set the wheels in motion, I assumed. Yet, I couldn't make a scene in front of these people. Someone might well want to turn me in to the authorities. I was almost positive Rick would, if I embarrassed him here.
"I... uh... I need to get... back on the road," I said, as she got up, still holding my hand.
"Oh, this won't take long, sweetie," she offered, tugging lightly.
I glanced up at Rick, but knew he would offer no help. I felt strange. I thought this should be the other way around. If I were a boy, I'd be pulling on her arm. Yeah, and that's probably why Rick was staring at me.
"My pack," I said, noticing it and my jacket on the seat. I reached back and grabbed them. Luckily, I was able to catch the jacket by the top, therefore keeping the gun from sliding out. I knew that this would indeed leave an impression on people and perhaps even prompt someone to call the law.
I followed her outside and down the sidewalk of the motel, having little choice since she still had a hold of my hand. Her perfume wafted back to me on the breeze, reminding me of how I'd felt when she kissed me. I tried to will this out of my mind.
When we passed by room number 12, she produced a key from her jacket pocket, let go of my hand and entered room 11. I stood in the doorway watching Rick and the blonde enter number 12. He glanced around before shutting the door and saw me. He winked and smiled. He had been very generous and kind to me. Too kind, perhaps, since I was not what he thought me to be. I was sure a boy would be very grateful to him for something like this.
Suddenly, the brunette had my hand again. She pulled me inside, then shut the door behind me, bolted it and put the chain on.
"Would you like to take a shower first, sweetie?" she asked, as she bent over, removing her boots, her low cut jacket revealing more of her burgeoning bosom.
Why I was looking, I didn't know, but I couldn't take my eyes off it. Something was definitely wrong here.
"Uh... I... uhh... I can't..." It was truth time now, but I was stammering all over the words.
She quickly set the boots aside. "You know that's what I like about young boys like you, you're always such a challenge," she said, moving towards me.
I felt like a snake being charmed by an Indian with a flute. I couldn't move, nor could I speak.
She reached out and touched my face. "You're very handsome, ya know that? Almost pretty," she added, her tongue easing out ever so slightly and wetting her already moist looking lips.
My heartbeat increased. I was glued to the spot, backed up against the wall already, with nowhere to go even if I could have broken the spell of inertia.
She drew closer. She was a shorter than me now without the boots. "Such... big lips," she said, as she kissed me.
My body's reaction to this scared the living daylights out of me. I had not wanted to admit it the first time she had kissed me, but now I could hardly ignore the truth: I liked it! I liked it a lot!
Her lips were so soft and moist that I responded to her gently probing tongue, with hardly a moment's hesitation. I had been kissed before by a boy in junior high, so I knew how to do it. But nothing I had experienced back then could hold a candle to this! His had been clumsy and sloppy and I hadn't felt anything other than his lips against mine. Hers, however, were causing things to happen inside me. Things that were at once scary, but also wonderful.
She pulled back after a moment. "That's better, hmm?" she inquired, as she reached over and took my jacket and pack from me. She gently laid them down on the chair beside me, while never breaking eye contact. She seemed to realize that she had me hypnotized.
She slowly began unbuttoning her jacket, working each button smoothly, until she had revealed the black under wire bra encasing her breasts. Then she removed the skirt, letting it slide down her legs to reveal her black lace panties. She slowly stepped out of it.
I could only gawk. She had a very shapely, smooth body. I could hardly believe she was taking off her clothes like this, in preparation for the kind of act that had so often been perpetrated upon me. And that she was thinking I was going to be the one performing this act with her. I wondered how she could possibly enjoy it. I never had. But, instead of being repulsed by her, as I should have been, I was very curious. Was there something about this that I had missed?
"You like, hmm?" she asked, as she reached up and removed the baseball cap from my head.
My eyes met hers. "I'm... I'm not... what you think I am," I said, in lieu of an answer.
She smiled and tossed the cap over on my jacket. "I have no expectations, sweetie." She ran her fingers through my hair, while staring at me. "Such pretty blue eyes. You're almost too handsome for your own good. It's hard to believe that this is your first time." Her right hand roamed down my neck to the collar of the flannel shirt. Her left one already had a hold of mine and was drawing it towards her body.
I swallowed audibly and closed my eyes, as she placed my hand on her breast. "Oh Jesus!" I breathed, not able to believe what I was allowing to happen here and most of all how I felt about it.
It was unbelievably exciting! I'd never felt such an overwhelming rush of pleasant sensations in my life. And despite the fact that I knew I should not like this and should get the hell out of there, I didn't want the moment to end. Matter of fact, I wanted more. The feel of the lacy bra and the soft firmness beneath was intriguing to my senses. Especially so, after she reached down and brought the other hand towards her, as well and I felt her nipple growing hard beneath my palm. I'd never dreamed that touching another woman could feel this way.
She kissed me again, putting her hand behind my head and holding me there. "Such soft lips," she mumbled between kisses.
I responded to her, as if I'd done this many times before. And I found myself liking it more and more. My hands were pressed against her breasts, my fingers touching smooth flesh, as my mind screamed that this should not be happening. Her hands had somehow worked their way down my back, though I didn't know this, until she squeezed my behind and pressed my lower body against hers. The jolt this sent through my body seemed to break the spell for a moment. I could now tell, by her breathing and mine that this had gone too far. I was in way over my head, here.
I broke away. "I... can't..." I breathed.
She kissed me on the neck. "Yes, you can, sweetie. We'll just take it nice and slow. Don't worry, I'll take good care of you."
"No, I mean... I'm... not..." Before I could finish my confession, I felt her unzipping my jeans. Obviously she had unbuttoned them sometime before without me realizing it. "No, please..." I protested trying to pull away, yet my back was already against the wall.
She was so very quick, that she had her hand inside my pants before I could grab it.
"What the hell...?" she said, as she felt around for what was obviously not there.
I removed her hand. "I tried... to tell you. I'm not a boy."
She took a step backwards and gaped at me. "A... girl," she mouthed.
I nodded and zipped up my pants. "I'm sorry... I tried, but... you wouldn't listen." I buttoned my pants, then reached for my belongings.
"A girl," she said again, as if in doing so it would finally sink in.
"I'm sorry, I... didn't want to... make a scene in there. Please, don't tell Rick, okay. He'd be very embarrassed. I... I only did this to make it easier on me travelin'. I never meant for... this to happen." I turned towards the door and had my hand on the chain.
"Hey... don't... well, wait. Just... hold on a minute." She paused and took a deep breath. "There's no need runnin' off half cocked. The room's rented for an hour. Why not... get yourself a shower before you head out?" she asked, sounding a bit irritated and yet a bit guilt ridden. I could only assume she was chastising herself for not knowing before now.
I turned to face her. I knew I could use a shower and had no idea when I might get the chance to have another one. And I could also use some sleep. Even an hour would be good.
"Damn shame," she said, staring at me, with those dark mesmerizing eyes. "You make one hell of cute guy." She paused, her eyes roaming downward over my body. "Go on, use the shower. Rick paid for it. Let him think you got his money's worth, at least." She picked up her jacket off the floor.
"I really could use..."
"Go on, honey." She motioned towards the bathroom, then turned towards the bed, where she flopped down, removing something from the pocket of her jacket.
I put down my pack, but took my jacket with me.
"Got the family jewels in there?" she asked teasingly. I turned around at the door. She lit a cigarette. "Just kiddin' honey. I wouldn't trust me, either. And I don't guess I can trust you, can I?" I went into the bathroom. "Oh by the way honey, case I never see you again, you're a damn good kisser," she called out.
I closed the door and hoped she would be gone when I was finished.
Confusion over the feelings she'd elicited inside me swam through my mind, while the warm water poured over my head. Why had my lips trembled when she kissed me? And why of all things, had I responded to her? She was, after all, a woman, and I knew I should have been repulsed by it. I should never have allowed it to happen. I should have hauled ass time she started pulling me inside. But, why hadn't I? Why had I stood there like a damn statue and let it all happen? Was I merely curious as to what she would do? But, why? What was it that had nailed my feet to the floor, yet allowed my hands and tongue free reign to act in a very bizarre manner?
Hadn't I stood there, just waiting and hoping that she would kiss me again, so I could experience those very unique and quite stimulating sensations I had felt in the restaurant the first time? The same sensations that had caused my lips to quiver and my heart to jump up in my throat?
I tried to clear my head, by thinking of what needed to be done at the moment. I lightly soaped my hair, just to remove the built up oil and then began rinsing it. I could hardly wait to crawl onto that bed and catch a few winks. With this thought, came other unsolicited images of what might have happened on that same bed had I truly been a boy. I tried to clear the images of her shapely body lying there, right out of my mind.
What is going on with me? I wondered. How could I allow myself to respond to another woman like that? And was that response arousal? Surely not, because I hated anything to do with sex, didn't I? "Obviously not", a voice in my head answered back. But then again, I had no form of reference for the state of arousal, itself, so how could I be sure? Sex had always been forced upon me and usually from behind. There had been no kissing, no fondling, no arousal, only pain and more pain heaped atop it if I fought him.
Could it have been a response to mere female affection in general? I wondered. Since, I had barely known my mother. The only thing I could remember of her was a dark haired woman who had held me and sang me to sleep at night. She had died when I was barely three years old. Daddy had said that she'd fallen down a flight of stairs. Lately though, I had begun to suspect that she might have had help. His, oh so loving help.
Suddenly, my mouth filled up with water, as I flinched and gasped, having heard the shower curtain being pulled back. I spurted water and quickly began wiping my eyes, hoping upon all hope that I would not find Rick standing in front of me.
When I could see again, I found not Rick, but the brunette in the shower with me. She was buck naked, her golden skin shimmering with droplets of water and her rather large brown nipples standing erect and pointing towards me. I'd never seen another woman completely nude before and could only gawk.
"You aren't a girl," she said, as she stared at my upper torso. "More like a woman, I'd say." Her right hand then reached out and cupped my left breast.
"Wh-h-at..." was all I could manage to say. Sensations I'd never felt before shot through my body. They were warm and delicious like hot soup on a cold day, making my legs feel weak.
"Je-sus," I breathed, as she cupped the other one. Yet I made no move whatsoever to stop her. My hands were frozen on my head, where they had been removing my hair from my face.
"I got to thinkin' 'bout how... you kissed me," she said, softly, as she moved closer and began manipulating both nipples between thumb and forefinger.
My mouth dropped open, but I was once again speechless and immobile, even though I knew I should get out of there as fast as I possibly could.
"Seemed to me... you enjoyed it," she continued, staring into my eyes, "I know... I did." I closed my eyes, as she lightly squeezed each nipple in turn. My arms slipped lifelessly to my sides.
She was so close now that I could feel her breath on my lips, as well as one of her legs inching its way between mine. I could hardly believe that this was happening to me. And most of all that I was allowing it to happen.
"I once worked for a madam," she continued, "who told me that men were her business, but women were her pleasure. And I've always been curious about that." I swallowed audibly, but for the life of me, I couldn't move.
She leaned over and kissed me. Not with the urgency of before, but softer and more tenderly. Then she eased back, her hands going around my waist to the small of my back.
"This is nice... hmm?" she whispered, rubbing her leg up against the inside of mine and eliciting feelings I never knew existed, much less had experienced.
I thought my legs were going to fail me for a moment. I could feel them trembling. Or was it my whole body? Trembling from fear she would hurt me? No. Trembling from confusion and more than that from something I could only assume must be pleasure.
She kissed me on the neck and pressed our lower bodies together.
"Oh God," I breathed. I thought for sure my legs were going to fail me now, as something I could only describe as a heat wave rushed over my body. I could feel her breasts pressed against mine, her skin soft and wet and warm. I had never dreamed having another person's body against my own could feel so good. My eyes flew open and my arms reacted with a will of their own, as they moved around her, my trembling hands lightly touching her back.
What are you doing? My mind screamed at me.
I don't know, I answered. But, it feels so good.
"Umm... you're so soft," she whispered, her hands roaming over my backside.
I inhaled the aroma of her perfume. It tantalized my senses, which were having a field day with the whole thing.
"You... do want this... don'cha, honey?" she whispered. "There's no need to worry, I'll do all the work, hmm?" She then filled my ear with her tongue.
I never gave an answer. I didn't have to. When she eased back, I kissed her, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to do. Why I did this, I don't know. But, I further allowed her free access to my body, to do with it what she wanted.
She washed me from head to toe, after that, while telling me how much she admired my physique. Although I could not voice them, my eyes were sending my mind images that were conjuring up very admirable thoughts about hers, as well. I could not imagine what she saw so pleasing about mine, when hers was far more well endowed.
I found myself wanting to touch her. Wanting to feel those upright protrusions of her breasts, as they rose beneath my hand, making her moan and lick her now unadorned lips.
A little while later, she led me to the bed, where she stretched out and pulled me down on top of her. I went limp as a dishrag, when my flesh touched hers. My mind and body seemed unable to handle the overload of sensations sweeping through them. She didn't seem to notice; for, she was too busy gently kissing on my neck and caressing my whole body, as if it were something extraordinary, while she moaned with pleasure. The latter of which, merely added to my own sensory overload.
Finally, she rolled me over. When she covered my breast with her mouth and lightly sucked on it, my back arched of its own accord. My body no longer belonged to me. She had free reign and total control.
And so began my first pleasurable sexual experience.
I never dreamed that anyone would actually do what she did to me. But, then all of it was new to me and I was enjoying every minute of it. When that most glorious of feelings started building inside of me, I was at first frightened. I knew I had lost all control. Something primal and very self-serving within me had taken over. Yet, I could do nothing about it. All I could say was, "Oh god, oh god," over and over again. Then when my legs went into spasms and I felt like I was going to die from the immense pleasure, I cried out mere gibberish that I'm sure the whole motel heard.
I found it strange how I ended up feeling towards this person who had led me to that ultimate of heights. I forgot everything about who and what she was. I only knew her as the one that had made something I had always associated with pain and degradation, a very exciting and enormously pleasurable experience. I forgot that she was a prostitute and that I was supposed to have been just another "trick". Instead, I found myself falling head over heels for her.
And once I found out what gave me pleasure, I wanted to share it with her. After recuperating for a moment, I was all over her: hands roaming, lips kissing, tongue tasting, mind and body going completely wild with the intensity of it all. I could hear myself moaning and breathing heavily, the adrenaline pumping through my veins, urging me onward in my exploration.
Sex no longer walked hand in hand with pain for me. It had now become a joy. And one I desperately wanted to share. I wanted to give back to her, what she had given me. I loved feeling her move beneath me, responding to my every touch, my every movement, my every kiss.
She suddenly stopped me. "No, honey, not that," she said, softly. "It's not... safe for you."
Reality crashed around me like shattered glass. I had been about to make possibly the biggest mistake of my life. And, had she not stopped me, I would have. This was not just any woman I was exploring these new realms with. This was a prostitute who made her living off going to bed with men -possibly several men in the course of one night. I suddenly felt a bit disgusted and sick inside.
"Cum'mere," she said, softly, reaching out for me, with open arms.
I couldn't resist. The memory of how she'd made me feel was too precious and far too fresh in my mind to be tainted by cold, hard reality for very long.
"So sweet," she added, as I lay down on top of her.
We stayed this way for a long time, merely kissing, touching and gazing into one another's eyes. Not a word passed between us; for, she shushed me each time I started to open my mouth. It seemed to me, she did not want to lose eye contact with me nor say anything, for fear the spell we were seemingly under, would be broken. I didn't want it to be broken, either. I couldn't get enough of her. The softness of her skin, the warmth of her body, the tenderness of her warm, moist kisses and the taste of it all, was totally intoxicating.
Then there came a knock on the door. "Darby... boy, you ready to leave or... have you decided to stay?" Rick called out.
I glanced towards the door, then quickly back at Mimi, which she had revealed during the course of my bath, was her name.
No! My mind cried out, I don't want this to end!
She kissed me lightly and broke contact. "I have to make a livin', honey," she said, as if in response to my unvoiced question. She then rolled away and got up.
"If... if I had money to pay, would you stay?"
"No," she answered emphatically, as she started around the end of the bed. "Rick will get you a room if you want one."
"Darby... boy, are you in there?" Rick called out again.
"Yeah, he's here," she shouted back at him, while staring at me. "Best get your clothes on, honey," she said quietly, reaching for her own. "I don't mean to be cruel to you, but... it's just best if you leave." She reached down and started picking her clothes up off the floor and laying them on the bed.
"I see what that old madam was talking about," she continued, speaking softly, as she slipped her panties on, "cause that was damn sure different than being with a man. Can't say that I've felt that way since... Ah, hell..." She paused and put on her bra, positioning her breasts inside the cups. "You best get out of here now or.... well, just do us both a favor, okay." She picked up her skirt and stepped into it.
I got up and went to the bathroom to retrieve my clothes. She had not looked at me since she started getting dressed, but I could feel her watching me now, as I walked back towards the bed.
"Best keep that voice deep and... try not to... get involved with no more hookers, hmm," she said, buttoning up her jacket.
"I didn't expect this to happen," I offered, watching her.
"Yeah well. And keep your money hid good. And that gun out of sight, too." She looked up at me.
"I felt something heavy when I took it from ya. And, I took a peak in there." She nodded towards the bathroom. "Ain't many things a woman's gonna carry that's that heavy. Ain't gonna ask what you're runnin' from," she added, smoothing her outfit. "None of my business. Just, whatever you do... don't become no... hooker. It's a shitty life."
"I... I hadn't planned on it."
"Yeah, well, not many of us do. It just seems like easy money at first. And it is. But... it's hard to get out."
"Why?" I asked, pulling on my jeans.
"How much do you charge?"
"Uh-huh, see what I mean. I just mentioned the money and you're already thinkin' 'bout it, aren't ya?"
I shook my head vigorously. "No, I meant how much for..."
"Uh-uh," she said quickly. "I told you no before." She adjusted her collar and turned away. "The quicker you leave, the better. For both of us," she mumbled.
I hung my head down. I wasn't sure what she had meant by the latter statement, but I was a bit ashamed of myself for even asking. What was I turning into? I sounded like a man.
"Ah, hell sweetie. One day you'll look back on this and wonder why the hell you ever wanted to spend more time with a hooker," she commented, moving towards me.
I fumbled with the ace bandage, trying to get it positioned right, which wasn't easy, since my hands were trembling.
"Here, let me do that," she offered, taking hold of the end of the bandage. "Gotta get them tits tied down right now, don't we? Hey, don't look at me like that. You make me feel plumb shitty. I... I liked it, alright. You're real sweet." She placed her hand on my cheek, letting go of one end of the bandage, which fell down around my waist. "But, we both knew this was a one time deal, right?" She removed her hand. "Look at it this way, one day you'll be able to tell your friends that you once gave a whore her first, huh? First woman, that is," she added, with a smile. She then repositioned the bandage around my breasts.
"It... was a first for me, too," I commented.
"Huh?" she asked, seeming very puzzled. "First... what? Woman or... first time ever?"
"Woman. And... it's the first time it ever felt... good."
She stared at me, her eyes darting back and forth. "But the way you kissed me... I thought you was... I mean, the way you were lookin' at me like.... Ah, hell, now I do feel shitty."
She started to move away, but I leaned over and kissed her. It was the first time I had made an overt move towards her that she had not precipitated. I felt rather wicked and yet I could think of nothing else at the moment, but the time spent with her.
"Damn you're sweet," she breathed, placing her cheek against mine, while her right hand caressed my exposed breast. "Never thought I'd find another woman this attractive. I've been lookin' at female bodies every day of my life, since I was little more than fifteen and I've never found 'em attractive enough to.... Well, not until now, that is," she added, as she straightened up. "But, I... Here, you better do this yourself, I don't..." I interrupted her by reaching out for the bandage, but instead taking her hand and placing it back on my breast.
I wanted more time with her, hooker or not. For six long miserable years I had known sex only as something frightful and painful; something that I endured under extreme mental and physical duress. Now, I knew the joy of it and was unwilling to give that up so soon. She had opened up a whole new and wondrous world for me. And I wanted to explore it further, with her.
"Just another hour," I whispered, hardly believing these words were coming from the same person who had walked in here hating sex. And yet, I wanted nothing more in this world than to lay back down on that bed with her.
I watched her eyes dart back and forth, as she debated this. "Uh-uh. No, I think I've done enough damage," she stated, as she pulled away. "You probably came here a halfway normal kid. And thanks to me and my curiosity, you're leavin' thinkin' you're queer," she added, moving quickly towards the door.
The word queer hit me hard. I hadn't really thought about what had just transpired between us as having a label. Especially not this one.
"No, uh-uh, I'm not gonna do anymore damage," she continued, "You'll find yourself a good man one day, honey and... you'll forget all about this." She pulled the chain off and unlocked the door. "It's best that I leave and right now. So long, honey," she said over her shoulder, as she opened the door and slipped through it.
I eased down on the bed, feeling weak and drained. My life had been turned upside down and inside out in the space of an hour. All because one man wanted to help a young boy. And also because I hadn't been able to say no. Why hadn't I just said "no"?
I strapped down my breasts, as tears rolled down my cheeks. Who was I now? I was the same Darby Jennings that had left that old trailer in Greenbriar, Mississippi the night before and yet... I wasn't. Perhaps the more appropriate question was what was I? Was I straight or gay? And if the latter were true, then had I been this way all along and not known? And would I now forever be this way? What would become of me? Weren't queers supposed to be nasty, dirty, perverted people?
I walked out of the motel room to find Rick sitting in his truck waiting for me. I knew I should pretend for his sake that it was the best time I'd ever had in my life. Actually, I wouldn't have to pretend. My only regret was the confusion that "the best time of my life" had wrought me.
"Damn, boy, I thought you was gonna stay in there all afternoon," he said, as I climbed in.
I merely forced a smile, then busied myself situating my pack.
"Well?" he asked, when I settled down.
"Thanks," I said. "Whew-wee!" I thought the latter should say it all.
He chuckled. "You're a man now, boy," he said, punching me on the arm. "Ain't nothin' like a good woman. And ah... Mimi's 'bout the best."
His last statement was like a punch in the gut, but I tried to ignore it. "Yeah... I'll agree with that," I offered.
He dropped me off near the interstate. "Wish you'd stay and ride in with me in the mornin'," he said.
"Thanks, but... just thanks for everything," I replied.
"Weren't nothin'. Good luck to you, my man." He extended his big-callused hand for me to shake. I gripped it firmly and pumped it down once, then let go. "Take care, Darby."
"You too, Rick," I said. And meant it. It wasn't his fault. How could I blame him for what I had allowed and seemingly wanted to happen?
I climbed out and shut the door. He revved the engine, waved and pulled off. I proceeded on wobbly legs down the embankment to the interstate. Once there, I started moving east again, my head down and my hands in my pockets. I didn't feel like riding now, I wanted the peace and quiet of my own thoughts. I needed desperately to sort things out.
If I had been wrong about sex always being painful and about hating it, then could I also be wrong about what gay people were like? And could I be one of those people? Or was it because sex had always been so painful and degrading that the only way I could ever enjoy it was with a woman? For, I knew I would never have stood there and willingly allowed a man to do the things she'd done. I would have protested in some way. Yes, had she been a man, she would have had to rape me.
Maybe I was alright after all. At least I now knew what other people enjoyed about sex. It was extremely pleasurable.
Continued in Chapter 3