Disclaimers: This story belongs to me. It was thought up in my own little brain and does not want to be reproduced without my consent.
Love: Yes, yes, yes! I can't help it. I'm such a sap! And it's of the lesbian variety. So if this isn't your kind of story please, turn back now!
Death and Violence: Well sure, it's about a vampire! What do you expect?
Swearing: Not too many if any at all. I'm really not good at writing profanity.
Dedications: To my love, Lori. As always I'm grateful to her for reading and re-reading this thing over and over looking for my continuous punctuation and spelling errors. I know she missed some though. I'd also like to thank those of you who e-mailed me with congratulations and words of encouragement to continue with this story. I hope I satisfied some of your curiosity about what happens the evening after. :)
General Note: WARNING, WARNING....Ummm, if you haven't already I recommend you read 'Obsession' otherwise you will be so lost. It starts off right after Obsession ends. I hope you enjoy it. I should mention that this will be the last vampire update for a while. I'm working on something else. Third person even....wish me luck.
I awoke slowly. My eyes were so heavy. I felt like sleep wanted to pull me back into it's embrace. Black oblivion...sleep that is at once frightening and welcome. I glanced at the window. I could see the embers of the dying sun in the cracks where the boards came together. I turned over looking for her. She wasn't there. I felt no concern for her absence. I gave myself to her, I knew she'd be back. I can feel her even now, all around me. I climed off the bed and stood slowly. I don't know why but I didn't know if I would be able to stand. I felt so strong, yet a weakness was lingering in my body that made me cautious. I glanced at the window again, the light was giving way to a welcoming blackness. I walked out of the house and into the night. I stopped outside the threshold and gasped. The sun just set and it was all so beautiful. I could feel the night air caressing my skin. I could hear and see everything with a startling clarity. I was blind to the world before, Alaina had given me sight.
"You're awake." It wasn't a question. I turned towards her. I realized that I knew she had been there even before she spoke.
"Yes." I looked at her with the moon streaming down through the night sky. She was more breathtaking than ever before. I could see the blonde highlights in her hair glinting as the light struck them. Her eyes shimmered as she watched me with a smile on her face.
"I meant to be here when you woke up." She walked towards me and I could smell blood. It wasn't her blood, I knew the taste and smell of that. This was human blood. I don't know how I knew the difference. She stopped in front of me and pulled me down into a kiss. I could taste the blood on her lips and shuddered. I wanted more.
"Are you alright?" She must have noticed my shudder. I nodded my head and tried to swallow. That small taste of her lips or the blood wasn't nearly enough.
"You're hungry. The hunger is always sharper when you're young." She took my hand in hers and held it while looking at me. I didn't know what she was thinking. I couldn't read her eyes. I felt uncomfortable. Did she regret what she had done? Was I a disappointment to her?
"You are so perfect, Lindsey." Her words washed over me, I felt joy. Instantaneous happiness. I heard her whisper 'perfect' as she lead me by the hand towards a barn behind the house. She looked back at me as we walked. I was staring at everything. I could see so clearly in the darkness. It was as if the moon were actually the sun, it was so bright out to me.
I stopped when we came to a stand of trees. I looked up at the sky through the branches. I could feel the vibration from the earth under my feet. I could feel the trees when I closed my eyes. I could walk the earth blindfolded and know where everything stood in relation to me.
"The night...it's so beautiful. Can you feel it too?" I grasped her other hand and pulled her close to me as I stared out into the night. "Do you hear it? It talking to us, Alaina." I whispered reverently. Her body was so close to my own. I could feel my pulse racing. I wanted to languish in her arms forever.
She smiled at my exuberance. She pulled her hand away and brushed a tedril of my hair behind my ear. Even her touch was different. I could feel her skin before it made contact with my own. The sensation took my breath away. I couldn't help it, I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers.
I broke the kiss off slowly, nibbling her lips lightly as I moved back. I could see the happiness in her eyes as the kiss ended. I didn't worry anymore, everything was perfect. Just like she said.
She pulled my hand and we headed towards the barn again. As we got closer I could smell blood again. At first I thought it was coming from her. Then I sensed his presense. He was in the barn. He wasn't moving. I could hear his breathing, it was steady and even. I knew he was sleeping.
She pushed through the door, leading me inside with her. The smell of his blood was so strong, it was overwhelming. I spotted him lying on the ground. A trickle of blood trailed from his throat down to his shirt collar. I was mesmerized watching it's path on his skin. I noticed that his hair was as dark as the night, but I could make out every single strand. I walked closer, stopping inches away from him. The realization hit me all at once, it knocked the breathe out of me and forced me to take a step backward. I would have to kill him to live.
"I can't." I whispered as I stared down at his prone form. I started to back away, desperate to turn and run.
I felt her move behind me. She placed her hands on my shoulders holding me immobile. I felt her breath on my neck and ear as she spoke. "You have to feed Lindsey."
I shook my head 'no'. She rubbed my arms talking to me calmly. "I can't make you drink. I can tell you that I want you with me, and this is the only way. It does get easier Lindsey, but this first time is the hardest and it should be." Her tone was tinged with such sadness I knew she understood what I was going through.
I turned around and looked into her eyes. I saw love and regret in those beautiful orbs.
I took a shuddering breath asking the only question I could think to ask. " How did you do it? The first time?"
"It was a different time. I was prepared to do anything to stay alive. I promised I would stay alive." Alaina's voice was soft and thoughtful as she relived her past. I was so intent on her expression I almost missed the softly spoken confession. " And, I waited until the hunger took over and I couldn't think anymore."
I stared at her in surprise. "My body would do it without thought? Why not wait then?"
Her eyes held mine captive. Her intensity was disturbing, frightening even. "Because, when the hunger takes over, you kill indescriminately. If you kill a child or someone who is innocent you'll regret it forever." She spoke with the voice of experience and I knew she was right.
"I know it matters and I should have told you before I brought you in here. This man, he's not a good man." She looked down at him as she talked to me. I could feel the hatred she felt for him rolling off her. "He's a murderer and a child molester. You would do the world a favor killing him."
"How do you know?" I asked in shock.
"With time you will be able to read thoughts and emotions. Especially strong emotions and thoughts."
I found her anger and hatred for him hitting me in waves. I shuddered in pleasure. The emotions were so strong almost arousing, I knew then a little of what she meant. But even the pleasure of her anger didn't stop the horror I felt about this man's crimes. I saw the sleeping cretin in an entirely different light. I couldn't feel the guilt or shame I felt when I first saw him laying there, with blood running down his neck. All I felt now was rage.
"You can make sure that he doesn't harm anyone ever again Lindsey. You can stop him." She stepped away from me giving me room to make my own choice.
I reached down and pulled him up to me. I felt the bones of his arm break in my hands as I squeezed. I hated him so much, I wanted to rip him limb from limb. He groaned as I continued to crush his arm. He came around slowly, his eyelids blinking. His glazed eyes stared at me. I could see the pain I had caused on his face and I smiled. He made a strangled gasp as I twisted his mangled arm. I bared my fangs, it was so natural, almost like sneering. His eye's widened and I could smell the fear. He pissed himself and I smelled that as well. I glared at him. "Pitiful!" I spat as I yanked him forward and sank my teeth into his neck. He clawed at my arms as best he could. I ignored him as I drained the blood from his body. As his blood flowed into me, so did his thoughts and feelings. I saw him as he saw himself. I knew everthing he had done in his miserable life. I pulled away from him when I felt his heart stop. I threw his body as far away from me as I could. I felt dirty after seeing what he had done. It was at that moment I knew I couldn't go back. I was a killer. I wasn't human anymore...I had no place in the world except with Alaina.
I stood there breathing raggedly. I tried to contol myslef. It was just so hard I wanted to kill him again, and everyone in the world like him. I couldn't contain my rage. I whimpered her name. "Alaina." I said her name the same way someone would call on god when asking for forgiveness, help or understanding.
"It's alright Lindsey. Let it out." She gave me permission, it was all I needed. I wanted to let it out. I felt pain and anger. I knew in the back of my mind I was angry with myself and Alaina. I gave up my humanity so easily. I was no better than those monsters I wrote about for all those years. Yes, I wanted to let it out. I couldn't and wouldn't blame her. I couldn't blame myself either, I loved her and I knew I would make the same decision again. There was only one other person to take it out on.
I strode over to his body. I reached down and grasped him by the hair. I wrapped my hands around his head and crushed the skull. I could feel the brain matter leaking out onto my hands and it wasn't enough. I grabbed the front of his crushed face and rammed his head into the wood of the barn wall. I heard the wood crack. Finally I pulled and felt the neck rip. I kept pulling, using all my strenght until the head was dangling by just a strip of muscle. I dropped his body. It landed spread eagle. I stared down at his legs. I stepped over one and stepped down with the heal of my shoe, crushing his manhood. I couldn't stop even then. I started kicking him, I kicked him into a bloody pulp. After twenty minutes I felt drained of my anger.
I looked around the barn, it was a shambles. I had done this. My anger had done this.
"I know what your thinking." Alaina stepped out of the shadows, virtually out of nowhere to my eyes. "You think you're no better than the monster he was. You're wrong Lindsey." She moved closer to me making sure her words reached me. "He was a criminal, a killer of innocence. He was unredeamable. Your not like that, you know right from wrong and I know you wouldn't do the things he's done." She stood in front of me and lightly touched my cheek, stroking it with her fingers. "I love you, and I believe in you. You are not like him."
I nodded my head, my throat was constricted. I knew what she said was true. I also knew I would feel guilty about this night for a long time to come. It wasn't that I had killed him. I was ashamed of the violence and anger that lead me to mutilate him.
"I love you." It's all I could say to her. Her acceptance and unconditional love was more than I had ever hoped for from anyone She held me then, I didn't hear what she said to me. Just the sound of her voice was comforting to me. I was with her, it was all that mattered to me anymore.
"We should get out of here and get cleaned up. We have a plane to catch." Those words managed to break through and catch my attention.
"We're going back already?" I was surprised. I thought we would stay longer. I didn't want to go back. I was afraid everyone would see what I'd become.
"We can't stay here. You need to feed everynight and that won't go unnoticed."
"Oh." I didn't want to think about that right now, I'd have to deal with my need soon enough.
The flight home was turning out to be uneventful. We talked alot, and I noticed certain things about people. I could tell when they were excited or scared. I could see their pulse when it increased. I could see the blood literally running through thier veins. It was disconcerting at first, I got used to it very quickly though. It turned out to be comforting. They were easily distinguishable from vampires. I couldn't see any of the fragility in Alaina that I saw in the others on the plane. Alaina was like a fortress, in my eyes she was god like.
I told her of my visit with Margaurite, I didn't tell Alaina what was said. I didn't want her to know how her leaving hurt me. Margaurite didn't scare me, although I know I should have been petrified. I couldn't fear someone who was so close to the one I'd fallen in love with. I rested my eyes as I thought of my talk with Margaruite.
I pushed my key into the door, shouldering it open as I moved inside the apartment. This was the twelth night. I knew for certain now, that she was gone. I sank down in the chair staring out the window into the night. The darkness always comforted me. It made me feel safe in an unsafe world. I could hide in the darkness. I could even hide from myself. I felt the tears sliding down my face. She was gone and I knew no matter how dark it was I couldn't really hide from it.
"Why are you crying?" The voice in the darkness was soft. It startled me even though I knew who it was right away. It was the light accent that gave her away.
"What are you doing here? How did you get in?" I was angry, because she frightened me and it came through in my harshly spoken questions.
"I came to help you and Alaina." She moved closer to me and sat in the chair not far from my own. I could barely make out her form from the light of the moon.
"Did you bring her with you Margaurite?" I asked softly. My anger didn't last long. This was Alaina's friend. A visible reminder of the person I loved and lost.
"I doubt you can help then. She's what I need. She's what will help."
"I can't bring her to you. I can tell you where she is though."
I turned to stare at her. My heart started to pound. "Where is she?" I would leave tonight. Right now.
"I wouldn't see her hurt again. I know your leaving that night hurt her." Her eyes glowed into mine causing the fear that hadn't been there before.
My hands shook as I looked away. "I had to leave, I had to think. What did you expect after telling me the truth?" I looked at Margaurite staring into her eyes, not flinching. I felt angry, she was trying to intimidate me. I knew this as surely as I knew I loved Alaina. Feeling the anger pool in my gut I lashed out asking, "How did you know I left?"
She laughed softly. "I couldn't leave Alaina unprotected. You understand."
Just as quickly as it came my anger fled. I nodded my head. Of course, I would have done the same in her position. She couldn't know how I would react or what I would do. "Where is she, please?!" I didn't want to beg, but I was past all pretense. Life wasn't worth living unless she was with me.
"She went home." Margaurite sounded slightly troubled.
"Home? I was just there, everything is closed up. She's not there." She couldn't possibly be there, I would have noticed something.
"No, to Scotland. To her mother's lands. Near Slioch and Loch Maree, in the West Highlands. "
"Why are you helping me?" I was intensely curious about her.
She just smiled at me and she disappeared. I blinked a few times trying to figure out what happened. I looked around the room. She was gone and I didn't even see her move.
I opened my eyes and leaned over to Alaina. Speaking very quietly I asked her the burning question that still plauged my mind after talking to Margaurite. "Alaina, can I move so fast people won't be able to see me?"
Nine hours. We have been on this plane nine hours and I was beginning to think I was in hell. I promised myself that I would never set foot on this modern equivelant of a torture chamber ever again. I guess I was too preoccupied on the way over to notice how long the flight was. Sure, at first it was alright. Especially after Alaina told me 'yes' I could move so quickly people wouldn't see me.
It was a game. Freak out the stewardess, and it was great. Right up until the in flight meal. After being on this plane for nine hours and chasing the darkness around the world (or so it seemed) in order to get home. I was getting hungry. Very hungry! The food made my mouth water. Even airplane food sounded appealing right now.
The stewardess set the tray in front of me and smiled. I reached for my fork and started to spear a piece of the chicken intent on devouring it. Alaina's hand on my arm and quick shake of her head stopped me.
"What?" I whispered. The stewardess was still just behind us.
"You can't eat that." She told me. She seemed serious.
"Alaina, I'm hungry." I gestured to my plate. "I can make due."
She shook her head and whispered in my ear while keeping an eye on the stewardess, "You'll be sick." When she saw my 'I don't care' look she raised an eye brow and smiled. "Very, very sick Lindsey."
A sweat broke out on my forehead and upper lip. I didn't want to say anything but I was starving. The smell of blood was beginning to overwhelm me. If I didn't eat something I was afraid I'd devour everyone on the plane. I wiped my forehead, this wasn't good. I could feel myself twitching . I knew Alaina was watching me and I tried to smile to reassure her I was fine, even though I wasn't. When I smiled I felt my fangs extend. The next thing I heard was Alaina's soft curse as she grabbed my hand and headed us towards the bathrooms.
She pushed me into the small room and locked the door behind us.
"I'm sorry Lindsey, I didn't realize...." Her voice trailed off slowly. I noticed her eyes following my tongue as I ran them over my fangs. It felt quite wonderful. I could see the lust shining in her eyes as she watched me. She moved closer to me, and slowly raised her hand to my lips. I felt her fingers lightly touch my fangs. It was so erotic that my knees started to get weak.
"It won't be the same, but I want you to drink from me. It will at least hold you until we can hunt." She said this as she kept caressing my fangs and lips with the tips of her fingers.
I nodded my head. I would have done anything to touch her. I was hungry but at that moment I was hungry for something other than blood.
I reached out and caressed Alaina's cheek. Her skin was so soft and warm. I made a mental note to ask about why she felt so warm to me now. I didn't do anything other than stroke my hand over her face and neck. I wanted to press my body against hers and lose myself but I felt shy and uncertain. 'Did vampires make love like ordinary people?'
That question was awnsered when Alaina pressed against me and stroked my body. I was on fire. I could feel the heat gathering in my center. She unbuttoned my pants and I could feel her fingers slip inside, pushing them down. I moaned when she touched me, I felt myself become instantly wet. Her fingers slid across my wetness. Then I felt them slip inside me while her thumb circled my clit. My hips pushed against her hand. My eyes closed as I felt my excitement building. The explosion in my body took me completely by surprise. It was so intense and sudden, I'd never felt anything so intense in my life. Not even when Alaina had changed me. Nothing compared to this. I grabbed her wrist holding her hand still, while my body spasmed and clenched around her fingers. When I opened my eyes I saw lust and love staring back at me.
"Your magnificent Lindsey." She whispered.
I leaned in to her."I love you." I murmurred as I placed small delicate kisses on her lips.
My lips didn't stop with just those light kisses. I felt her respond and deepened the kiss. I wanted to give her everything she had given me. I lifted her up and set her down on the sink. I laughed lightly, I was strong. I ran my hands over her body. The outline of her breasts against her light shirt was driving me insane. I could see her erect nipples through the material. I leaned in and nipped at them through her shirt. When I heard her intake of breath I smiled. I lifted her shirt and silently thanked whoever was responsible for her not wearing a bra. I took her nipple into my mouth and sucked, while I lightly flicked my tongue over the engorged tissue. My hands slipped down and pushed her jeans down her legs. No underwear! Oh god. I could smell her arousal. It was all around me. I could taste it in the air. I breathed deeply memorizing her scent. My lips followed the scent down her body to the source. Tentively I reached out and stroked her with my tongue. She grabbed my shoulders and stiffened at that first touch. That first taste wasn't nearly enough. I pushed my tongue inside her and felt her muscles clenching around it. A throbbing in her inner thigh caught my attention when I pulled my mouth away. I surrounded her clit with my fingertips stroking it up and down. I watched that vien in her leg pulse each time I stroked up and down her clit. I lightly licked the pulse point, dragging my tongue across it. She moaned. I felt my fangs extend out against her skin as I licked. I couldn't stop myself. My fangs sank into her inner thigh, it was so easy. The burst of her blood in my mouth was so sweet. She hissed with pleasure above me and whispered for me not to stop. My fingers moved over her clit faster as her breathing increased and I felt her blood spurting into my mouth faster. She tried to muffle her scream when she came. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.
I pulled my teeth out of her skin and felt a pleasurable friction. I watched in amazement as the wounds healed before my eyes.
She breathed my name and I looked up at her. "Hmmm." I pulled my hand away from her body and brought it to my lips licking her essence off my fingers.
She smirked at me and winked. "Thank you Lindsey. I always wanted to be a memeber of the mile high club."
I laughed with her. I decided that maybe this plane flight wasn't so bad afterall.
Jealousy. It's such a small word, yet it's such a large and controlling emotion. I know I shouldn't feel jealous, I just can't seem to help it. I've hunted with her every night for the past couple of months. She seduces her prey so thouroughly. I know she doesn't have the depth of feeling for them that she has for me. But, watching it is so disquieting. The killing doesn't bother me. I've become so accustomed to it. Too accustomed, too quickly. Alaina seems happy with my progress though. She seems happy with me. I suppose all this would be easier if she merely picked a victim and took them quickly, I've seen her do that occasionally. But most of the time she spends days following them, almost courting them. I suppose it's the knowledge of the connection that we have to the victims, that causes this jealousy. It's like taking on a lover.
As I sit here watching her with her intended, I know I'm going to do it again. She must know it's me ruining her sport. I don't want to take them. I can' thelp it, the jealousy turns to rage so quickly. The rage I haven't managed to control since waking up into my new life that first night.
"You know if you watch her that closely, one of them is going to notice." I heard whispered in my ear. I smiled to myself. The ever present Margaruite.
"Margaurite! I wasn't expecting you." I blushed slightly when I realized she'd caught me staring. "Anyway, I doubt Alaina would notice, she's very occupied right now." Just then I watched my love lean over and whisper something in the girls ear. My entire body filled with jelousy as I watched the girl laugh at Alaina's words.
Margaurite laughed softly at me. "Believe me she knows." Margaurite watched me with intense eyes. I shifted under her gaze, she had the ability to make me slightly uncomfortable with her penetrating stares. "I have never seen Alaina like this you know." She waved her hand in my lover's direction. "It's like she's living again. She's back in the world and we both owe this all to you."
"I didn't do anything." I shook my head. I'd never known Alaina not to be like she is now. To me she is a vibrant light that I have always felt drawn too.
"Oh yes, you did do something. You loved her and gave her back her life. I don't think I've seen her brooding since she met you." Margaurite smiled at me as she spoke. Maybe it was me but the smile just didn't seem to reach her eyes.
I sighed and smiled back, it didnt' reach my eyes either. I could feel the rage building as I glanced at Alaina. The girl had touched Alaina's leg.
"You shouldn't feel that way, Lindsey." Margaurite's words interrupted my inner struggle with my jealousy. "The anger makes you careless. That can endanger us all."
"What?" I knew what she was talking about. I just didn't want to admit that I knew.
Her laughter barked out loudly. I glanced around, hoping she hadn't attracted Alaina's attention. "Shhhh. she'll hear you."
She pointed a small delicate finger at Alaina's new friend. "That one will never mean anything to her. In fact, I would wager when she comes over here, Alaina won't even remember the girls name."
"Of course she will." I answered, slightly annoyed with myself.
"My dear, that one will not be remembered. She will be an evenings repast and nothing more."
"Hmmm." I didn't say anything else, what was the point. I knew that Margaurite was right. But, I was still jealous.
"Talking about me?" Alaina's hand grazed over my arm causing a pleasurable tingle along my spine. I hadn't seen Alaina approach. Margaruite was right, anger made me careless and distracted.
"Not all conversations revolve around you my dear, Alaina."
"Then why my dear, Margaruite are you looking so guilty?" Laughed Alaina.
"Fine we were discussing you, but we have just stopped." Margaurite said arily.
My eyes tracked the blonde that Alaina had been engaged with at the bar. A small smile graced my lips as I watched her head out the door into the night. I turned to Alaina and Margaurite interrupting their banter. "I'll be heading out, I need to eat."
"Be careful Lindsey?" Alaina said softly. I could see the love and worry in her eyes as she looked at me. I almost felt guilty about what I was going to do.
"Of course." I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. I lingered there, with my lips brushing against hers. The feel of her soft lips against mine was intoxicating, just like the first time. I pulled away and slowly rubbed my fingers over her lower lip as I smiled my goodbyes to both her and Margaruite.
Margaurite watched Lindsey cut through the throng of people as she headed for the door. She leaned in towards Alaina once Lindsey had left the bar. "You know what she's doing don't you?" Margaurite asked.
"Yes." Alaina sighed. "It's something she has to go through. She has to come to terms with this on her own. She'll learn to deal with the new intensity of her feelings and responses with time. Don't worry Margaruite I'll take care of her."
"She's getting sloppy, ma cherie. How long are you going to let her run wild?" Margaurite asked, concern written all over her face. "It is not safe for any of us to have a wild one traipsing about."
"Margaurite, she's still young. It takes time, you know that" Alaina gestured between them with her hand as she spoke. "You do remember my wiping out my entire clan after I was changed don't you? And what about your own beginning? I recall what you told me about yourself, Lindsey is no where near that level of slaughter. I doubt she ever will be."
"You know as well as I do, Alaina, that this is a differnet time. It was 1202 when I was changed. It's not the same anymore."
"She needs time. I believe in her."
"And if she should stay this way? What then?" Margaurite asked in a low voice.
"She won't. It's an adjustment, she'll make it in time." Alaina replied just as low.
"Perhaps you are too close, I should..."
Alaina's angry outburst cut her off. "NO! You will stay away from her Margaruite, or so help my immortal soul!" She let the threat hang between them.
Margaurite stood slowly. "If she does not show temperence she must be dealt with. We have all had failures, you know what must be done."
"She is mine! I'll kill anyone who tries to come between us." Alaina stood facing Margaurite, her eyes burning with intent. She watched as Margaruite turned and left her standing at the table.
I walked out into the night easily catching the scent of the blonde. She had a little of Alaina on her. I would detect Alaina's scent miles away. I didn't speed after her. I wanted to follow her to see where she lead me. I wanted to give her a chance to live I suppose. We walked for blocks, the shadows swallowed her as she passed. It was, I thought, a glimpse of what her fate held for her. Shadows swallowed her now, soon it would be me.
I paused at a sound behind me. I was unaccustomed to anything getting behind me without my knowledge. I wasn't frightened. I was beyond any kind of fear now. Curiosity made me stop and listen. I reached out using all of my senses as Alaina had taught me to do. Alaina told me so many times that danger lurked in every corner. The only one's lurking in corners have been us. I smiled at that thought.
I didn't feel anything. I turned around and noticed my quarry had disappeared. I listened to the faint sounds of her running footfalls. She would have a sporting chance then. I laughed softly hearing it echo off into the night. She wouldn't get far.
"Are you going after her?" Alaina's voice surprised me. I turned quickly finding her only inches away.
"I wasn't...I was just.." I stammered. I felt ashamed and guilty.
"If you want to go after her, be my guest." I watched Alaina's eyes as she spoke to me. She seemed sad. I was afraid I had disappointed her afterall.
I sighed to myself. I'd obviously been found out. She knew what I had done. I didn't know which was worse, the immense hate and jealousy I felt for the blonde or this shame and regret for betraying Alaina. "No, I don't want her."
"Lindsey, my love." She spoke softly as she stepped impossibly closer. I felt her surround me. Her scent, her voice, everything swirling around me. I was again held captive by her presence. Her fingers brushed my cheek and I felt my skin flush under them. "I know this has been difficult for you."
"Your disappointed aren't you?" I asked. I could hear something in her voice and I voiced my worst fear.
"I have never been disappointed in you." She smiled more to herself than to me. "In you I have created perfection."
I laughed at that notion. "You're biased."
"No, I don't think so." She backed away from me and looked up into the night sky. I remembered my first night born into my new life, I had done the same thing. I stared with wonder out into the world. Alaina stared at the world with happiness but with none of the wonder that things held for me. She slowly brought her gaze back down to mine. "Why don't you want her? You wanted her enough before to follow her, why change your mind?"
The question caught me off guard. I ran my hand through my hair noticing how much softer it was now than when I was just human. "She's yours, I had no right to try to take her."
"Lindsey, you are the only one that I want. She's not mine. She was just a distraction for you. You needed an outlet and I was providing one for you."
"What?!" I didn't understand. Why would she do this 'for' me. I certainly didn't want her talking to other women.
"I know you must have noticed your heightened emotional state." She smiled as she said those words. I recognized it as a quote from the book I'd been working on before my transformation. I nodded my head. I felt like I had permanent PMS sometimes. "Your senses weren't the only things amplified by my blood."
I shook my head trying to clear it. "So this is it. I'll always feel this way?" I asked in fear and anticipation.
She stepped closer to me. I could feel her breath on my lips. I closed my eyes enjoying her nearness. "In time, you'll learn to control yourself. It will become second nature for you." I felt her tongue lightly caress my lips before she spoke again. I was leaning forward trying to maintain the contact. "In a minute." She murmurred against my lips as she stole a kiss.
"Everyone goes through this." Her lips moved to my ear as she continued to whisper to me. "You have to release it and work through it. I know how much you hate right now. I know it's me you hate."
I pulled away from her a denial on my lips as I shook my head. She pushed her fingers against my lips stopping me from talking. "It's always that way. We will get past this. Everyone, including myself went through this transition." She removed her fingers from my lips and stepped back smiling at me. "Now what would you like to do?" She asked as she cocked her head to the side in an endearing manner.
An evil grin light my face. "I want her." Alaina wasn't angry, and my jealousy demanded it.
She paused, I could see she was thinking. "You know she's done nothing to warrant death?" She asked after a moment.
"She touched you." It was as simple as that in my mind.
Alaina nodded her head. I didn't move even then. I wanted her to go with me. I wasn't sure how to ask her. I heard her chuckle as I struggled with this problem. She reached over and grabbed my hand pulling me after her in the direction the blonde had run off in. "Come on Lindsey, she's getting away!"
She took off then in a blaze of speed to fast almost for even me to see. I smiled and ran after her.
I rolled over in the bed sighing. I reached for Alaina in the darkness but came up empty handed. I sat up slowly. I could feel the sun setting as the heavyness left my limbs. I heard the rumble of my stomach and glanced down. I grinned in the dark. I hadn't eaten last night afterall. The blonde got away. Alaina had told me I could probably eat every other night without any problems, I guess she had been right. But, tonight I needed to eat. My stomach rumbled again to punctuate my thought.
I saw her as she moved into the room. She moved so gracefully. She seemed to float towards me rather than walk. I still found it all so strange, living with her, living like this. Loving her is just second nature. I couldn't imagine not loving her. But, living here like normal people, when we are anything but, felt strange. Her touch upon my arm made all those thoughts disappear. I belong with her.
I pulled her back down onto the bed, cuddling closer. I sighed, content with things just as they were.
"Aren't you ready to get up yet?" Alaina's voice washed over me causing a pleasureable shivers along my spine.
I shook my head 'no' and burrowed deeper into her arms. "I like it here." I whispered into her skin.
"Ok, you stay here, I have to get up though. I'm getting hungry." She kissed my lips softly as she pulled away. I sat up. Just the mention of her hunger brought mine to the forefront of my mind. I stared at her as she walked naked into the bathroom to shower. I have to admit, I was torn. The blood's pull was strong, so strong that it could take over my senses rendering me helpless to it. Alaina had that same power. I closed my eyes, picturing her naked body under my own. My lips on her body. I thought about the taste of her, her essence, her blood. I didn't know what was more pleasurable, the feel of my teeth sinking into her skin or the feel of her quivering under my tongue as she called out my name.
She walked back out while I was arguing with myself. "C'mon!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bed and towards the shower. I smiled in anticipation.
I glanced over at my ever present shadow. At least that's what how I've come to think of her for the last few days. She hasn't let me out of her sight since that night with the blonde woman. I can't say I mind this single minded focus she has on me. I love to have her near me. I love to have her watch me as I feed. It's so intensely sensual and arousing to be watched.
I get the feeling she's worried about something though. Alaina has never been this tense when we've been out. I glanced at her again, she was scanning the area. I asked her several times if something was bothering her. She's told me 'no' each time. I just can't help think she's looking for something. She has the same look that cops get when they think there will be trouble. I'd seen enough of those looks during my journalistic career to recognize it.
Her voice startled me out of my own thoughts. "You know it might be time for us to move. I try to move around a bit, just to keep people off my trail." She glanced at me and I could see she was trying to gauge my reaction.
I nodded my head, nothing was holding me to this particular area except her. If she wanted to leave I was happy to follow her anywhere.
She continued on once she saw me nod my head. "I was thinking maybe heading out tomorrow."
I glanced at her sharply and watched her silently for a moment. She was almost fidgeting, which I had never seen her do. Alaina was always supremely confident even serene. Something was going on.
"What is it? I know something's wrong. You've been acting strange since the other night." I saw the denial about to spring from her lips and cut her off. "No, stop." I paused util I had her attention again. "If something is wrong I'd like you to tell me. Please don't shut me out, I need you. All of you. Just tell me, I can handle it."
I heard her sigh. She waited a beat, gathering her thoughts. "I'm afraid you might be in danger."
I stopped walking and looked at her. "Huh?" I have misunderstood. How could I be in danger. No one could possibly hurt me. At least I didn't think they could.
She laughed slightly. It must have been my expression. "I had a conversation with Margaruite and I'm afraid she may do something to harm you." She ran her finger over my cheek and smiled at me. "I'd prefer not to take any chances, you're to precious to me to take any chances."
"But....but...why?" I stammered. Never had I felt so betrayed. I thought Margaruite cared about me, and if not me then about Alaina.
"She thinks you're not adjusting to all this." Alaina waved her hand indicating us."She thinks you're out of control."
I started to deny it when she stopped me with a hand on my arm. "You're not! My god, I think you've adjusted remarkably well. My first months were a massacre. You have been so tame compared to what some of us have been through." She stopped and ran her hand through her blonde hair. I was drawn to the sight. I loved the way the moon light filtered through her hair.
"I just think it would be better if we put some distance between us and her for the time being." Her words brought me back to reality and our conversation. I looked into her eyes and saw the love and acceptance that always made me feel better.
"I'd follow you anywhere, Alaina." I voiced my earlier thought to her.
"I suppose then, we should eat. I don't think we'll have alot of time tomarrow night if we expect to leave here."
I smiled and took her hand, leading us throught the quiet park. I decided to head towards the down town district. Alaina liked to hunt there, the people there sometimes deserved death and some of them prayed for it.
The muffled cry's made me stop. I looked over into the dense brush along the path. I knew that's where the noise had come from. I could feel that Alaina had heard it as well. I moved towards it and Alaina tugged on my hand. I glanced back and saw her worried expression. I leaned into her and whispered, "I want to see what it is."
She nodded her head. I had the feeling she already knew what I would find.
I reached the brush and parted them. What I saw sparked the rage within me. I could feel Alaina's instant hostility as well. Two men were holding down a woman. I could feel what they had planned to do to her. I could hear their thoughts in my mind so strong was the desire. I wasn't going to let that happen. I moved to go around the brush intent on stopping this. Alaina was beside me. The bushes moved, making noise where we went through them. I heard one of them whispering that someone was coming. The man on top of the woman didn't seem to hear him. As I turned the corner, the frantic one glanced at me, picked up the woman's purse and started running. I threw a look at Alaina and saw that she was headed for the one on top of the woman. I took off after the runner.
It took me only seconds to overtake him. He had sprinted to the wall of the park and vaulted over by the time I'd caught him. We were in a back alley blocked from the sight of the highway. It was just as well, I didn't want anyone to see what I was going to do. I had barely taken hold of him and sank my fangs into his throat when I felt another presence.
I continued to drink assuming that it was Alaina. She didnt' make any noise and didn't approach me. I was surprised that she stayed away. I heard the voice and stopped drinking. It wasn't the calming voice of love that spoke but a hate filled voice.
"Are you finished with your repast?" Margaruite just stared at me with hate filled eyes that can only be described as dead. I remembered what Alaina had only told me minutes before. I knew fear for the first time since I had been changed.
I let the dead body fall from my hands to the ground as I turned to face her. I didn't know what to say to her. What could I say, she was passing judgement on me. There was nothing I could do or say that would changer her mind. She wouldn't listen, I could sense that she was too far gone to listen to anyone.
"What do you want?" I didn't want to appear hostile, it just slipped out. The injustice of her condemnation was too much. She had no right to say those things to Alaina and no right to be here now.
"I'm protecting what's mine of course." She smiled at me but it didn't reach her eyes. Her intent was clear.
"I'm not yours!" I knew it wasn't a good idea to argue, I just couldn't not speak.
"No, your not but Alaina is mine. I created her. I've loved her. I've been with her for centuries. She's the one I'm protecting. She can't see it yet, your no good for her. You'll be her downfall. I can't let that happen. I won't let you take her from me."
She moved so quickly I didn't even see it happen. She stood in front of me with her hand wrapped around my throat. I was raised off the ground as she squeezed. I could feel my breath being cut off and I panicked for a brief moment. The pain was real and unpleasant but I didn't need to breathe. Death wouldn't come from this. She squeezed and I could feel my skin breaking under her fingers. I knew then that she could seperate my head from my body with little effort. I couldn't recover from that. I knew I would die this night, at her hands.
Thoughts of Alaina kept running through my mind. I wouldn't ever see her again, I wouldn't hold her again. I despaired at this thought. I knew she would plummet into the depths of depression again. I didn't want to think of her wallowing in the blackness without me to pull her out. A tear tracked down my face as I thought this.
"You're crying, you're scared?" Margaruites voice was harsh and scathing. "You who would take her away from me."
Her grip tightened even further as she spoke those words. I could feel the muscle giving way under her fingers. My mind brought me a picture of Alaina to cling to as she stole my life and love from me. Then suddenly I fell to the ground , gasping and holding my throat. I couldn't see anything, my body had shut down as more of my flesh was severed from her hand. I could still think and I knew I wasn't dead yet. I just waited I knew the final moment was near. I just didn't know what she was waiting for.
A voice startled me. I hadn't expected to ever hear it again. I tried to talk but even that was impossible.
"What have you done!" Alaina's angry voice sounded as if it filled the entire world.
"What needed to be done! What you wouldn't do!" Margaruite shouted back. I knew she was past all reason. I hoped Alaina realized it as well. "Do you think I could just let her run around like a lunatic?!"
"I don't think that's the reason. I think that you know as well as I do that she is still adjusting to the change." Alaina's voice sounded more in control now. She was much closer to me. I could feel her. I was between the two. I wondered at this, but it was all too much for me. I whimpered slighly still feeling the intense pain from my wounds.
"You can't save her." Margaruite said as she moved closer to me as well. "I can't let her live. It's too late for her. She tried to take you from me. I thought it was a passing fancy on your part. I'd seen it before, others have done the same thing. You couldn't just let it go, you had to love her." Margaruites words sounded anguished and accusing. "How could you love her? How could you put her before me?"
"You sent her to me! You told her how to find me. I thought you were happy for me. I thought you understood? I thought you wanted this for me!"
"I had to do something to pull you out of the black void you have been in. I couldn't do it! You wouldn't listen to me! I knew that Lindsey could." Margaurite paused and said in a softer voice. "I thought you would tire of her. I thought you would come back to me."
I could see them now. I laid on the concrete healing slowly, blood dripping from my wounds. I watched Alaina's face twist with pain and anger. Margaurite reached out to her with a hand, almost imploring with her entire body. " Please Alaina, come back to me?"
"No!" The tortured whisper was expelled from her body with such force. I could see in her eyes that she finally understood. Margaruite was insane. She would never stop, not until we were dead or she had Alaina.
That one word hit Margaruite causing her to stagger backwards a step. I saw her right herself. She glared down at me then. I knew my time had come again. I looked at Alaina and begged her with my eyes to save herself. Margaruite was so strong, stonger even than Alaina. I didn't want to see her die because of me.
Margaruite reached down for me again. I could see her hand reaching for my throat. My partially healed throat. I tried to back away but couldn't find the strength to move with any speed. Just as her hand wrapped around my throat and began to squeeze again I saw a blur of movement. It was so fast even I couldn't see it. I could see, though, as Margaruites head fell forward and toppled off her body. I gasped as her lifeless fingers were pryed from my throat. I felt strong arms lift me into a warm body. I felt Alaina's lips graze against my face. I closed my eyes I knew I was safe in her arms.
I tryed to move away a little. She held me still. I felt her fingers on my lips to keep me from talking. "Shh, you stay still Lindsey. I have to get you blood. You need it to heal."
I wanted to hold her and tell her not to leave me. I wasn't scared, I just didn't want to be without her. She layed me back down gently and pushed away Margaruite's body. "I'll be right back."
I closed my eyes giving her silent assurance that I would be alright. I waited there for her, knowing she'd be back. She would always come back for me.
I leaned back from the computer. I'd been writing frantically for weeks now. Ever since Alaina and I came back that night. We didn't leave that night as we had talked about. Alaina said there was no reason to leave anymore. I can tell she's been mourning Margaruite. She loved her, I realize that. I'm humbled and saddened that she had to choose between us.
I glanced up at the computer screen knowing that this would be the last thing that I would write for others to read. It was my penance. If I could save one person from dying at the hands of someone like me, I could possibly forgive myself for killing all those people for no other reason than jealousy. Alaina has told me over and over again that it wasn't really me. I suppose she's right. I couldn't control it. I still can't control it at times.
I stared at the title one more time, knowing it was true. I can accept the truth.
The Mind of a Killer
by Lindsey Carrington
So, that's the end folks. It could probably go on and on and on. I just had to stop it at some point and this is the point I picked. I'd love to hear what you thought.
All mean comments should be marked as such in the subject line so I can delete them. I wouldnt want my fragile ego to be demolished.
:) see ya.
fiction | homepage | what's
new | xena homepage