Gabrielle's Journal Series
A Day With Joxer
Disclaimer: I do not own them! It is Alt. This is number eleven of the journal series. Friends might drive us nuts at times, but our lives would not mean much without them in it. Deb! Love Ya! Thanks to my beta team: Becky Lovall, Sam Ruskin, and LJ Maas. Ex-Guards! You are the best! Poem by Sam Ruskin.
Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate, but our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.
Hello. Well today was a very interesting day indeed. Xena and I were taking a leisure day, just sit, relax, and heal. That was all shot to Tartarus by one man. Yes, we were Joxered. All of a sudden, a Joxer infested our peaceful camp. He is a nice man, but he can bug you to the point where you just want to kill him.
There we were, peaceful in our camp then in the distance, you could hear those dreaded words.... Joxer the mighty, Roams through the countryside, He never needs a place to hide, With Gabby as his sidekick, Fighting with her little stick, Righting wrongs and singing songs, Being mighty all day long, He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
This is the only true time that I see fear in my wife's eyes. We hear those words and we both shudder, the animals in the forest scatter. I start to think of a way to hide, but we know it is a lost cause. Then we hear, "Hello my warrior chums." Why must the Gods be this cruel? He stumbles in and lands on his face then stands quickly and looks at us both like, I meant to do that. Yeah, sure!
Now that our peaceful day is gone, Xena decided just to move on and fight the greater good. Translation? She gets to be up on Argo and I am stuck with Joxer the drooler. I will get even. We were just going down the road when some thieves thought we would be easy pickings. Today they were right. I readied my staff, Xena was off Argo, and we were ready. Kicking butt like always, then it happened. Joxer thought since he was closest to Xena, well, he could help her. To make a long story short, he tripped her up to the point where she landed on her butt in a patch of poison oak.
The thieves ran off and then the cursing began. I cannot write what she said, and I tried so hard not to laugh. She got up, glaring at him then growled saying we would have to camp now. She can't ride with an itchy ass. I was laughing so hard and poor Joxer was wondering how long he had to live.
I have not laughed so hard in a long time; my stomach hurt. My wife was too prideful for words, she helped set up camp once more and willed herself not to scratch her butt. After that was all settled, we sent Joxer out to fish while I tended to her warrior buns. Here I am in the forest with the great Warrior Princess in her shift with no breeches on, putting that anti itch salve on while she is muttering, I'm gonna kill him! She kept saying that over and over again. I was a good wife and gave her a massage to calm her down. Before I knew it, she was no longer wishing death on Joxer, just snoring.
Soon Joxer returned with three nice sized fish, which was a surprise. He can do that at times. While Xena slept, I fixed dinner and talked with Joxer. He told me about all the things he was doing since we saw him last; yes he was mighty in his eyes. Finally, dinner was done and I had to wake up tall, dark and very cranky. She was still on her stomach snoring up a storm. I pulled down the fur to check her itchy area; well she got lucky, just a tiny part of her butt had the rash.
We ate dinner with Xena and I on one side of the fire and Joxer on the other. For Joxer's health, I sent him to clean the dishes. The way Xena kept glaring at him I thought for sure she would use him for Chakram practice. When he was out of hearing range, she yelled about how he was staring at me. I am not dumb; I know Joxer has a crush. I just don't know what to say. He is nice and I do care about him, just as a brother. Like a little bratty brother, you just want to kill.
Well, a lot of time passed and still no sign of Joxer. Wondering what in Tartarus he was doing with our dishes, I told my poor itching wife I would go to the river and look. If she went, he would be a goner. I am not sure I can even write this, the shock and disgust are still very much with me. I will have this memory forever etched in my mind, yuck.
I have known for a while of Joxer's affections towards me. He was not happy about Xena and my marriage but he said he loved us both and wanted us to be happy. I got closer to the river and heard, "Oh Gabby, Oh Gabby." Stupid me. I thought he was hurt and calling for me, so I go charging in staff blazing. That is when I saw, Gods! There he was with his pants down, he turned when he heard me, and then there was little Joxer in hand.
I screamed running back to camp yelling, "I'm blind! I'm blind!" To make a long nightmarish story short, Xena heard me scream and came barreling in, itchy butt and all with sword in hand. At the same time, Joxer came in from the other way yelling that he was sorry. Well, it did not look good that he still had little Joxer in hand. When Xena saw this, I heard the battle cry and it was a sight. Here was Xena chasing Joxer, still with little Joxer in tow.
I took me a long time to get Xena to untie him. He is lucky she did not turn him into a fellow female. The only thing that stopped her was the bottom was itching again. I got her calmed down, got him untied and now the camp is peaceful, for now.
Joxer nodded off first and I sat up to rub more stuff on her butt and talk. Say whatever about Joxer, in the long run, he has always been there for us without fail. He is a good friend and we are lucky to have him. I was grumbled at, but she sort of agreed. Xena finally fell asleep, so now I can have some time.
I know I have said this many times and Xena is now learning. You can have all the riches of the world, but without friends to share life with what do you really have? Joxer may be a pain, but he is our pain. I wouldn't have it any other way. I also have not been tripped into a poison oak bush. You cannot help but like him, even when you want to kill him.
Joxer the Mighty --
A name of his own choosing;
It might have even made me laugh
If my lunch I was not losing.
I still remember that first day
"I think you broke my nose."
Then he tried to grab my staff
And we nearly came to blows.
Then there was good ol' Dite
And the tinkle of the bell
One minute he's the hero
The next, pure warrior hell.
When he thought I'd lost my memory
He tried to take me then
But the hero living in his soul
Chose instead to be my friend.
Joxer is no Warrior
No hero, set apart;
But he has always been our friend
A hero, of the heart.
Now I pray that I can get that memory out of my mind.
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