September 04, 1997
I thought perhaps she was still annoyed at my forcing my company on her until I realized that no one 'makes' her do anything against her will. I took some comfort in that. If she didn't resent my presence, then why did she act that way? Was her persona so deeply ingrained that she didn't know how to shed it?
I began studying her as time went on. Watching for the smallest of changes in her eyes and body language. Her feelings were well hidden, protected by the mask of the warrior. Xena's emotions were as cryptic as an Oracle's vision, yet the memory of our first conversation haunted me, keeping me by her side.
When she had announced that she traveled alone, her mask had slipped, allowing me to see the lonliness behind her words. That's why I followed her. That statement will never be uttered by me. She would take it as pity and send me away, then I would be alone once again. Amoung my family, I was an oddity. A girl with visions of adventure and stories. My inner sights left me an outsider amoung my own kin. Xena doesn't know that I was lonely too. We shareld that common bond.
So I watched her, living for those times when she did speak, those precious moments in time that revealed hidden pieces of herself. When she spoke, her words were honest and spellbinding. Those times and words are etched into my memories, to be forever savored. I wait for the day they come freely.
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