DEAR DIARY February, 1998

by Lady Catherine

Sex/Violence: No violence, and not just a little in the way of the sex thing (sorry).
This story depicts a love/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women. If
you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country
in which you live, please do not read it. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you
may wish to read something other than this story.

Copyright: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle belong to MCA/Universal/Renaissance.

Comments are encouraged at:

Thanx: My thanx goes to Bobbie (B.S. Barber), Janet C. (Garnet), Bonn (Beaugrnt) and Laurie
for their keen editing eyes and words of encouragement.

I watch her differently now. My observations have taken a new turn. I'm not really sure when it
started.. I tried to keep a reign on my thoughts, but it was useless. I have been keeping two sets
of scrolls for awhile now. One set belongs to the person I should be, an objective author that
looks upon her with impartial eyes. The second set are from the person I am, someone that looks
upon her with the eyes of a lover, eyes full of desire. The former set are becoming more difficult
to write. They are the more creative ones. For those I must really use my imagination to create
descriptions that are not truly mine, and avoid letting my passions creep into the story. It has
become next to impossible

I wish that I had begun writing my private scrolls sooner. I struggled so long with my thoughts,
feelings and fantasies. How foolish of a bard not to see that the way to work through ones
feelings is through writing. Writing has helped me work through everything else in my life, why
has it taken me so long to realize that writing will help me work through this? I've written so
many of these now, some reflecting thoughts and questions, some releasing my fantasies on
parchment. I just hope the writing of it is enough.

"Gabrielle. Hey...Gabrielle, are you listening to me?" Xena startled the bard from her musings.

"Huh, what? Oh, sure Xena. What were you saying?" Gabrielle looked up from the bed where
she was writing.

Xena chuckled and shook her head. "Must be a pretty intense story you've got there. Anyway, I
was just telling you that I am going to take Argo for a run. I should be back in a couple of hours
or so. Why don't you go shopping and I'll meet you back here? We can have some lunch when
we return."

"Shopping..." The bard's attention was now completely pulled away from her scrolls. "Sounds
like a great idea to me. There was some great fabric at that vendor with the really bad teeth, and
some wooonderful parchment at the merchant with the funny hair, and..." She continued to tick
off a list as she picked up her staff and some dinars and walked toward the door. "Bye Xena, see
you in a little while." She waved goodbye to Xena and exited their room.

Xena laughed again and shook her head. She was continually amused by her friend's enthusiasm
in whatever she did. The warrior gathered her own belongings and headed out to exercise Argo.


Xena returned two hours later. She was hot and tired from Argo's run. She stripped out of her
armor and leather, and put on a shift. The fact that Gabrielle had not yet returned did not surprise
her. It was not rare for the bard to lose track of time while shopping. She sat down on the bed
to wait to share lunch with her friend.


Gabrielle knew she was late in meeting the warrior. Only one last stop to get some parchment,
and she would return to their room. As the bard stood considering some pieces of parchment, her
thoughts wandered to some ideas for her next personal scroll. Suddenly, she froze in the middle
of the marketplace, fearstricken. Oh my gods', she thought, My scrolls! I left them out on the

Her intent to purchase parchment forgotten, Gabrielle broke into a dead run toward the inn. She
burst into the room, face red, breathing heavily. She stopped with her left hand still on the
doorknob and her right hand braced against the door frame, which she had grabbed onto to
prevent herself from falling into the room. She looked up to see Xena, standing next to the bed,
scroll in hand, mouth and eyes wide open. Xena looked up at Gabrielle. The warrior's mouth
began to move, but nothing came out. Gabrielle's face became even more reddened with both
shame and anger.

"You read my scrolls!! You READ my scrolls!!! Xena, they were private!!", the bard yelled.

Xena alternated her shocked expression between her friend and the scrolls a few times before she
answered. "Gabrielle...I'm sorry, I got bored waiting for you. I..I thought these were just some of
the stories you always tell me, one of our adventures. I wasn't spying," Xena glanced down at
the scrolls and said more softly, "I didn't know."

"Well now you know. Now you know plenty!"

Xena panicked. She was not used to being caught off guard. The other scrolls were scattered on
the bed. Once she had begun reading, she couldn't stop. Guilt was all over her face.

"How many did you read?!"

Xena lowered her head, but kept her eyes on Gabrielle. She responded quietly, almost childlike,
"Most of them."

"Xena! You HAD to realize after the first few lines that they were private... How could you?!?",
Gabrielle raged at her friend.

"I'm sorry," Xena answered, "mostly."

Gabrielle glared at her, brows furrowed, "Mostly? As much as I am embarrassed about this, as
much as I feel guilty about my thoughts and feelings for you, that does not forgive your invasion
of the small bit of privacy I am still able to maintain...and you're only MOSTLY sorry?! Don't
you know that we can't go back from what you've done? Our friendship is...was... the most
important thing in the world to me, and I thought it was important to you. I could have gone on
without you knowing. As guilty as I would have felt, it would have been bearable just knowing
I'd always have your friendship... even if I knew I couldn't have your love. And now you've
changed that forever. It's gone. How can I ever look you in the eye now? Knowing you can't
respect me? How could you Xena? And only be MOSTLY sorry!"

A smile began to creep across Xena's face.

"You think this is FUNNY?! You're laughing at me?!" Tears welled up in the bard's eyes, and
began to stream down her face.

Xena crossed the room in two strides and gathered the bard in her arms. Gabrielle tensed and
tried to pull away. She was overwhelmed by her emotions, and unsure about what the warrior was
going to do. Xena held her strongly, preventing her from getting free.

"Gabrielle", Xena began as she looked the bard in the eye, "Please calm down. I am not laughing
at you. I'm smiling... because right now I am almost as happy as I possibly could be. If you calm
down and listen to me, I hope you'll share my joy, and then I WILL be as happy as I could be."

Gabrielle stared at her friend, totally confused. Despite her uncertainty, she began to relax in
Xena's embrace.

Xena felt the bard's body ease into her arms, "That's better. Gabrielle, I'll admit, I was in shock
when I read your scrolls."

Before Xena could continue, Gabrielle lowered her head and the tears began anew.

Xena freed her right hand while still holding Gabrielle tightly with her left. She placed her finger
under Gabrielle's chin and lifted it until they could look into each other's eyes. "I was shocked
because I never could have believed...never could have hoped that you could feel for me the way I
feel for you."

Gabrielle blinked a few times. She didn't think she could be hearing this right. "What?"

"Gabrielle, I have loved and desired you so much for so long, I cannot remember not feeling this
way." Xena leaned in and gave Gabrielle a light kiss on her lips, which immediately brought the
bard out of her daze. "I am sorry I read your scrolls because I know it was wrong. I know I
invaded your privacy and I know it has caused you pain. I never, EVER want to do that, and will
do everything in my power to never let it happen again. BUT, if I hadn't read them, we might
never have known." The smile returned to Xena's face, even brighter this time.

Gabrielle continued to stare, mouth slightly open, as Xena continued to speak.

"I'm truly sorry for the past few hours. I can imagine how you must have felt when you realized
you left them out...guilty, ashamed, afraid. I can imagine it because it is exactly how I would have
felt if you had found out my feelings for you. I fought every day to keep those feelings hidden. It
was the most difficult fight of my life. Every time you were near me, Gods!" Xena laughed, "Part
of the reason I go to bed so late and get up so early is because I am petrified at night that I won't
be able to resist touching you. It got harder every minute you were next to me. So the less time I
spent that close to you, the safer we both were. Plus the fact that I thoroughly and shamelessly
enjoy watching you when you sleep."

Gabrielle broke her silence at last. "It's all true? You're not just saying this to make me feel

Xena laughed and shook her head, "I love you, my beautiful (kiss), sexy (kiss)," Xena looked
over at the scrolls and raised a suggestive eyebrow, "most imaginative bard."

Gabrielle blushed deeply and lowered her forehead to Xena's chest.

"Please don't be embarrassed. Those scrolls are wonderful. They, um, moved me."

Gabrielle lifted her head to look Xena in the eye. It was Gabrielle's brow that was raised this
time. "Oh really??" Gabrielle asked with interest.

Xena, still aroused from what she had been reading, was pushed farther by the erotic tone of
Gabrielle's voice. It was one she had never heard from her bard. The desire she saw in her
friend's eyes rid her of any control she had managed to keep. She exhaled deeply and tilted down
toward Gabrielle's lips. She stopped, afraid of moving too fast for her young companion.

"Gabrielle," Xena said hesitantly, "Um, are you sure you're ready for this?"

Gabrielle let out a slight laugh, "I thought you said you read my scrolls?"

"I did but..."

Gabrielle began to whisper seductively in Xena's ear, reciting from one of her scrolls. "As I sit
behind her in the bath, her wet skin glows from the candlelight. She trusts me to wash her, but
can I trust myself? Oh, how I want to wash all of her. My hands linger around her stomach.
How I want to caress her breasts, to pull her to me so that her whole body rests against mine. In
my mind, her head is laid back over my shoulder, her neck inviting my mouth. I lean down to kiss
her neck. At first my lips touch her softy, but even these slight touches have aroused me beyond
belief. I begin to lick her neck and bite it lightly. She exhales deeply, her breath becoming more
ragged. Even it the water, I can feel the wetness growing between my legs. As I continue my
attention on her neck, ear, shoulders, I bring both hands up under her breasts. I have never felt
anything so exquisite in my life."

Xena had closed her eyes, completely enraptured by the bard's narrative. Gabrielle brought her
hands to Xena's breasts, in unison with the description in her story. Gabrielle's words alone were
enough to bring Xena close to the edge. The added physical stimulation was causing an intensity
of desire and love that she had never experienced.

The bard continued, "I took her hardened nipples between my thumb and forefingers, squeezing
and rolling them gently." Her hands moved in the present along with the story, touching Xena
through her shift. A deep moan escaped the warrior's lips. Her mouth was close to Gabrielle's
ear. The sounds she was emitting threatened to buckle the bard's knees, but she pressed on with
her description.

"My mouth longed to follow the path my hands had forged." Gabrielle separated slightly from the
warrior, giving her just enough space to pull Xena's shift down over her shoulders and let it drop
to the floor. They were both broken from their reverie at Gabrielle's sharp intake of breath at the
sight of Xena's nude body.

"By the Gods, you are the most beautiful person ever created. I've seen your body so many
times, but the site of it never ceases to amaze me." Her eyes devoured Xena from head to toe.
Although slightly uncomfortable, Xena allowed Gabrielle's eyes to take her in. The look of awe
and respect on the bard's face further exciting her.

"Gabrielle, can we continue your story over there?", she nodded toward the bed. "You words
have succeeded in doing something I have never experienced and am not sure how to handle...
You have made my knees, and most of the rest of me, weak, and I doubt my ability to remain

Gabrielle closed the small distance between herself and the warrior. She leaned in so that she
straddled Xena's leg, knowing the warrior could feel her excitement even through her breeches.
"Do you have any more doubts about my readiness?"

Despite reading the stories and hearing the words, Xena was staggered by the extent of
Gabrielle's excitement, coupled with the realization that she was touching the bard for the first
time. "Gods Gabrielle," Xena panted, "No, I have no doubts. Please take me to the bed. I'm
afraid that you are not helping with my somewhat weakened condition."

Gabrielle had closed her eyes as Xena's knee shifted. "Nor you mine, my warrior."

When Gabrielle awoke, Xena had a faraway look on her face. Sleepily the bard asked, "Xena,
what are you thinking about?"

A slight blush crept across Xena's face. She pulled the bard up to rest upon her. Gabrielle's
head rested on her left shoulder and the bard's leg laid across Xena's own. "Rest, Gabrielle, I'll
tell you later."

Gabrielle lifted her head and looked Xena in the eye, "No, Xena, I'm very interested to know
what could make YOU blush..."

"Um, well, um I was wondering if, well..."

Gabrielle chuckled at her friend's uneasiness, "Yeeeees?"

"Well, I was wondering if we could try out the scroll with the strawberries and cream where I get
you to...."

"OK,OK!! I know which one you mean!" It was Gabrielle's turn to blush as she buried her head
in Xena's shoulder.

Xena laughed a laugh that could only come from complete contentment. She hugged the bard
close to her, kissed her on the head, and proceeded to get out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Gabrielle asked, immediately feeling the loss when Xena got out of bed.

With a devilish grin, Xena replied, "To get the strawberries, of course..."


The End
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