Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, Autolycus and Joxer belong to MCA, yada, yada,
yada. BUT I wrote this baby (tho' I'd borrowed some scenes from X:WP). This
story contains gross violence, Madness (with a capital M), a soppy bard and
mild lesbian activities. Don't read it if this sorta things icks you out 'cos
I won't be twisting your leg or attempt cutting off the flow of blood to your
brain to get you to read it. Really.
This is my VERY first attempt at writing fanfic so *please* be kind.
If I wanted critism I would've sent it to some gruffy publisher already. <g>
Great thanks to Hazel(xenut) for her assistance. Please feel free to visit
our Xenites Anonymous website (it's still under construction but check it
out anyway!) at
And Jeslyn, tho' you're here no longer, I want to dedicate my maiden
story to you. You've been a wonderful Gabrielle to me. You rest in peace, my
friend. I hope you're enjoying yourself in the Elysian Fields. I miss you.
Do feel free to email me your comments at:
Thanks for reading and battle on Xenites! :)
Amazon Moon


It was near dusk when the stumbling figure of a frantic man came
running towards us. He was pale and quivering, constantly tripping as he
looked over his shoulder. It was as if he expected some mean monster chasing
close behind him.

"Xena?" I asked uncertainly as I glanced quizzically at her, tightening
the hold of my hardy Amazon staff at the same time.

The magnificent figure of the warrior princess on her trusty battle
horse could have made one gawk in awe. Her beautiful mane of wild black hair
blew across her face. A strong face of delicate sharp features. Her icy
electric blue eyes were locked unto the figure of the scrambling man heading
in our direction.

The man's face finally came into clearer view, pure fear and panic
written all over it. It was Joxer.

"Joxer?" both Xena and I called out uncertainly as the poor guy
flopped to the ground infront of us. Argo neighed in surprise.

"Easy now girl, easy now," Xena comforted an excitied Argo, stroking
her mane in an attempt to calm her down. No one really appreciated Joxer's

I gently prodded the shaking man on the ground with my staff,"Joxer?
Joxer,are you okay?" He seemed to be shaking... vibrating real bad.

Upon hearing his name, Joxer leap up and grabbed me by my shoulders.
I could only manage a startled yelp before he started prattling away like an
idiot. Come to think of it, it was like the idiot he really was.

"Village... monster... G-g-gorgon... HELP!!" Joxer spluttered as he
jerked a skinny finger towards the small farming village behind him,"Whoa,
hey!" Joxer exclaimed in protest as Xena lifted him up by his scrawny neck,
releasing me from his grip.

Pulling him around to face her incredible baby blues, Xena glared at
him cooly,"Joxer, speak *slowly*." Joxer gulped and shuddered abit as Xena
placed him down. I looked at Joxer expectantly as he rubbed his aching throat.

"T-the village of Urania," Joxer gestured shakily behind him,"a
Gorgon monster thing's causing trouble back there- she's keeping the virgins
captive in her cave."

"A Gorgon?" I asked Joxer, rising my eyebrows slighty at his pale,
flustered face.

"Yeah," Joxer nodded his head at a rather alarming speed. Looking at
him, I was kind of worried that it might just break off and roll off his
scrawny shoulders.

"Strong female with venomous snakes on her head... ability to turn
strong men into stone with just one evil, *evil* glare from her dangerous
eyes..." Joxer animated with twisted features on his contorted face, hands
claw-like and outstretched,"Yeah!"

"Uh-huh, a Gorgon. That's right,"I grimaced as I turned away from
him,"Definately a Gorgon." I glanced over at Xena, saddled on Argo. She was
squinting into the horizon, over at the once peaceful farming village of
Urania. It reminded me just so much of my home village Potedaia.

I cleared my throat like I always did when I wanted my audiences'
attention before I recited a poem or story. Joxer, Xena and Argo shifted
their gazes at me, looking on expectantly.

"It's written that a Gorgon is a demoness of great power and
strength. She has a great mass of poisonous, lethal snakes on top of her
head and once she sees a man in her lair, he would be turned to stone by
her evil eyes once he looks at them," I turned my head slowly and looked at
my bestfriend," And a Gorgon can only be destroyed when..."

"She sees her own reflection or by beheadment," Xena completed my
sentence, a thoughtful expression showing as she looked at me.

"Beheadment?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes. I'd heard about the
first method but beheadment? I looked back at her but Xena simply raised
her eyebrows gently and smiled abit.

There was a brief space of silence before Joxer interrupted. Dusting
himself importantly, he announced in his uniquely-Joxer way that he was
chickening out. Well, not exactly the way I put it but you get my meaning.

"Hey guys, I would like, really, really like to help you on this
one," he explained as he clumsily adjusted his lop-sided helmet," it's just
that, well uh, it's my great-grand-aunt's birthday tomorrow so I uh, well, I

I raised my eyebrows playfully, grinning," It's okay Joxer. We
understand." Yeah right. The guy was just too chicken. But you had to
understand that he's just being himself. He is afterall JOXER.

"You do?" Joxer asked in an almost incredulous tone.

"Yeah sure we do," I could be THE actress sometimes. Xena grunted
beside me. Come to think of it, so did Argo.

"Thanks Gabby. Xena, I'm sure you guys will win hands down- no
Gorgon can beat you guys. So eh," Joxer cleared his throat as he adjusted
his creaky "hand-pounded" armour," Bye for now."

And with that, Joxer sprinted away like one of Zeus'lightning bolts,
his pale skinny arms flailing about, as if running for dear life.

"Typical, isn't he?" I remarked as we watched in amusement as Joxer
disappeared over the hills.

Xena smiled warmly as she turned to face me," You know, he's right.
No Gorgon can beat us." Raising an exquisite eyebrow, she continued," I'd
killed a Gorgon and the Medusa sometime back... with a little help."

"THE Medusa?" I enquired excitiedly," Xena? YOU killed a Gorgon and
slayed THE Medusa?" I blinked in admiration and awe at my bestfriend. This
warrior woman was unbelieveably fantastic. WOW.

"Yeah," Xena smirked as the three of us girls headed down the gentle
slopes of the hill towards the village in peril," I killed the Medusa by
tricking her into looking at her own image and as for the Gorgon... I'd cut
her head off with my sword. It's funny really. That visiting Gorgon was the
Medusa's niece. Mother's side."


We passed through the once occupied farming village of Urania. It
was empty now. Depressingly empty. It was as if everyone left in a hurry. We
made camp at an area near the small village and Xena started a small fire.
The soft grass there was blissfully sweet and fragrant. There was also a
lovely view of the full, sensous moon and a whole lot of bright, twinkling
stars. It was as if the magic of Aprodite was in the air.

Xena was seated in a guarded stance on a flat rock, swirling the
last of the strong port I'd poured out for her before putting the dark
liquid to her full, sensous, red lips. I hated the stuff but Xena always
liked some port to round off the meal.

It was after dinner and that night, we had a rather hearty meal of
stewed rabbit and nutbread. As usual, I was seated near the fire, working on
my scrolls. But that night, I just couldn't help but notice the warrior
princess so deep in thought.

I must have been staring at her for a noticeable length of time for
she suddenly turned her zapping crystal blues at me, left eyebrow raised. I
hurridly turned back to my scrolls, flustered and gulping. Damn Hades, what
was my problem?

"Gabrielle?" Xena drawled as she walked over to me, her strong
warrior woman arms swaying slightly, biceps buldging softly beneath the
leathers, her soft mane of dark hair blowing in the gentle breeze. She stood
infront of me, moonbeams streaming softly down on her.

It might have been the magic of the moon or something, I don't know.
But suddenly, my passionate heart lurged forward and I felt an instant
painful longing... a similiar feeling I'd had with Perdicas on our wedding
night. That was before that Callisto bitch killed him in cold blood. I shut
my eyes abruptly, remembering his cold limp bloodied body in my arms.

"Gabrielle?" Xena called out again, concern written on her face,"Are
you all right?" I snapped back to reality instantly, staring straight into
her concerned blue eyes.

"Huh?" I tried acting innocent but it was just no good. It would
take a lot more to fool the intelligent beauty.

"Are you okay, Gabrielle?" Xena asked again, shaking me gently. I
blinked. Those eyes of hers... they were just so magnificent it was hard
describing their wonderous beauty.

"I'm fine, Xena, really,"I lied as I flashed her a bright smile,"I'm
just ah, edgy about the Gorgon thing that's all." I grinned until it hurt,
trying my best to sound casual about the whole thing.

Xena smiled and patted my shoulder reassuringly," You'll be okay,
Gabrielle. There are only two of them ancient hags left, I think." She
pulled away and settled down comfortably onto the soft, fragrant grass
beside me," I'm pretty sure we can handle them."

I left my scrolls and laid down on the soft grass beside her. I
could almost feel the warmth of her body and smell the distinct smell of her
leathers. I sighed.

"That's easy for you to say," I remarked, looking up into the starry
skies," You've had practise. The closest I've ever got to, Xena, was a
couple of Titans and Cyclopses. A very, incredibly dumb Cyclopses."

"Mm-hmm," Xena chuckled as we lay on our backs, admiring the beauty
of the night. There were probably millions of bright stars out that night,
illuminating the dark sky with their brillant beauty. It was a beautiful
night. It might even have been magical.

"Gabrielle, have I ever told you that-" Xena started but suddenly
broke off. She sat up abruptly and grabbed her sword. "Somebody's here," she
whispered as she gestured me to keep silent.

Frowning, I picked up my staff and got prepared for a sudden attack.
Oh sweet Athena, why couldn't she have completed her goddamn sentence? I
tightened the grip of my staff in frustration.

Xena's keen eyes darted around in the heavy cloak of darkness, her
well-trained ears listening for the intruder's approaching footsteps. And
suddenly, just as we expected, a dark shadowy form burst out of the bushes.
It's head was huge, with pointy edges swaying around it. It was shaking very
badly as it rushed towards us.

"Gabri..." it rasped as it held out its hands towards me.

THWACK!!! I gave it a hard blow on it's neck with my trusty Amazon
staff and the monster collapsed at my feet instantly. I was about to turn
towards Xena and remark that that was just way too easy when I screamed
bloody murder. The monster on the ground had clamped one of its icky hands
unto my left ankle.

"Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!" I shrieked frantically as I whacked it
consistently with my staff. I was near to hysterics and close to throwing up.

"Hold it," Xena commanded as she walked over to the now unconscious
figure lying on the ground before me. I tried shaking off the clamy hand
that held on fast to my left boot but it just held on tight.

"Xena, I think I'm going to be sick," I complained, close to gagging.
I steadied myself with my hardy stick, keeping myself from hyperventilating.

Xena turned the fallen figure unto its back with her foot, the blade
of her sword pointing to its throat the whole time. Suddenly, she smirked
and rolled her eyes as she replaced her sword. I could have screamed my
lungs out when I saw the figure.

"Don't worry about it," Xena comforted me reassuringly as she
squeezed my shoulder, sensing the tensed muscles," It's only Joxer."

The limp form on the ground started stirring, groaning loudly. Xena
extended a helping hand towards him and Joxer grabbed it immediately,
hauling his lanky frame up. It was almost all too comical. He was rather
badly bruised and had a thin trickle of blood coming down from his nose. A
ridiculous looking bush with falling twigs on it was sticking out of his
heavily decorated helmet. Joxer started spluttering and wheezing away.

"Joxer!" I exclaimed, not knowing whether to laugh in relief or to
continue beating the remaining living daylights out of him,"What in Tartarus
are you doing here? And what in the name of Hades is that stupid bush doing
on your head?" I demanded as I tried pushing out the option of killing him
out of my raging mind. Beside me Xena grunted, arms folded.

He really did look silly (not that he looked intelligent to begin
with) with the bush on his head. And to top things off, the bush was badly
disintergrating over his head.

"This," Joxer exclaimed as he tried adjusting the long twigs over
his head, but just succeeding in making more fall over," is called
*camouflage*. And I," Joxer paused dramatically, puffing his skinny chest
out,"Joxer the Mighty, have came back from distant lands to help you guys do

"And I thought he was Mommie's boy," Xena rolled her eyes upwards in
disgust,"Joxer, are you aware that these Gorgons can actually TURN MEN into
STONE?" Xena enquired, raising an eyebrow as if mockingly as she turned to
face him.

"Yea-ah...," Joxer shifted uneasily," but hey, I knew you guys
really wanted... needed my help due to my expertise skills in handling women."
Joxer only stopped when he realised both Xena, me AND Argo were gagging hard.

"Well hey, c'mon- I heard there were two of them and they're pretty
hard to deal with. So, if there were three of us..." Joxer stopped short
when Argo grunted as if displeased," Oka-aay, if there were *four* of us, we
would probably stand a better chance at finishing them off."

I blinked and then glanced over at Xena, catching her wary eye.

"Aww, c'mon- don't you think?" Joxer looked over at us earnestly
with pleading schoolboy eyes, more leaves and twigs falling over his face.

"We need a plan, Xena. I mean, those Gorgons are dangerous aren't
they?" I asked as I gently touched her arm. It could have been my over active
bardy imagination but I thought I felt her flinch.

"Oh Xena- I heard those Gorgons got infuriated 'cos their baby, their
favourite jem- The Eye of Hera, got stolen by some thief. They caught him,
turned him into a stone statue and all but they havn't recovered the stone,"
Joxer dutifully reported. He paused for a beat then *had* to add," C'mon, I'm
in the team aren't I?" He looked at us (including Argo on this one) pleadingly
with longing puppy-like eyes.

I could have puked out the rabbit and nutbread I'd had for dinner, by
just looking at his dopey expression. But being the softie I was, I felt for
him. And I guess so did Xena.

"All right Joxer, you're in," Xena grimaced as he joyfully rushed
over, engulfing the both of us in a tight bearhug.

"Group hug!" Joxer cried out gleefully as he damn nearly crushed the
life out of the both of us.


It was morning and I felt the warm sunshine stream down unto my skin.
I didn't want to wake up. Not yet anyway. I rolled over lazily, feeling my
bestfriend's warm body beside mine. Then I heard the worst sound ever.Joxer's
sickeningly awful chirpy voice in the early morning.

"Rise and shine everyone, rise and shine!"Joxer called out cheerfully.
With a twinge of regret, I felt Xena rise up to a sitting position beside me.
I sighed. I just absolutely hated waking up in the mornings.

"Rise and shine, yeah, yeah," I grumbled as I forced myself up to a
sitting position, rubbing my sleepy eyes,"I will rise but I *refuse* to shine."

"Well I got us breakfast," Joxer announced proudly as he fished
something out of his basket-like helmet," -sweet potatoes!"

Xena grunted loudly as she stretched. I watched in awe, admiring her
buldging muscles. She really looked great in leather. Positively awesome.

"C'mon," Xena told me as she yanked me up from the ground to a
standing postion. It wasn't all that bad, I decided, at least I woke up to a
pretty sight-- and I *DON'T* mean Joxer.


When breakfast was over, we headed out for the Gorgon's lair. Joxer
was telling us all about how he found out about the village in peril and about
the Gorgon's precious jem, a stone of special powers, the Eye of Hera.

"I was on my way to see my second cousin Boxer, he's a wonderful
fighter- captain if his division, in fact," Joxer exclaimed proudly as we
travelled. I bit down the urge of asking him "And what happened to *you*?"

"Anyway," Joxer continued,"I was going through the village of Urania
when EVERYBODY started packing up and leaving. I told them that I was Joxer
the Mighty and they had absolutely nothing to fear with me around but they
left anyway. But I learnt from this old woman that someone's stolen the
Gorgon's most precious jewel-"

"The Eye of Hera?" I interjected innocently.

"Yes, the Eye of Hera," Joxer frowned at the interruption,"and it was
mising. So unless the Gorgons get their stone back, a virgin would be held
captive in their cave for every day the stone is missing until it's returned."

"Very understanding," I muttered under my breath as Joxer continued
his story.

"The Uranians soon ran out of virgins to pacify the angry Gorgons so
they decided to pack up and leave. It was a frenzy, really. I tried calming
everyone and restore the peace and order but they wouldn't stay. So I took a
little walkie in the woods- this woods," Joxer gestured, facing us as he told
us his encounter, walking backwards,"...and then I heard this truly... horrifying
scream- far worst then Callisto's. So I ran to escape that Gorgon's wrath. And
found you guys."

He was probably about to speak somemore but I cut him short.

"By the gods, Xena, look- isn't that Autolycus?" I cried out as I ran
towards a stone statue of the self-proclaimed King of Thieves. Something told
me that this wasn't a regular statue. I knew it had to be our dear friend Auto
...but the charmer wasn't flesh anymore- he was just cold stone!

Xena was by my side almost instantly, her face grim as she touched the
stone statue's cold face. "That's what I expected," she said softly," it was
Autolycus who stole the Eye of Hera."


The plan was set. Joxer was to be the diversion. The decoy. He was
to go into the Gorgons' lair, holler that he had news of the stone and run
out before they could get him, racing away as far as he could away from those
Gorgons on good 'ol Argo. And he was *not* to look any Gorgon in the eye the
whole darn time. Xena and I would then go in to free the virgins and try to
find a way to break the spell of those unlucky men inside that were turned to

"Why is the stone so special to them, Xena?"I enquired as we trudged
nearer towards the Gorgons' lair. It was almost noon and the sun was hot. I was
seated behind the warrior princess above Argo while Joxer klutzily marched
behind us, singing his song.

"Lengend has it that the Eye of Hera has special powers that can enable
the bearer to travel through time. A very special power, if you ask me," Xena
remarked, guiding Argo along the right path as she spoke,"The jewel was made
by the goddess Hera herself and the Gorgons were made its protectors. The
stone's a real beauty, having the remarkably brillant colours of a peacock's

I took it all in and looked down from Argo. Joxer was still singing to
himself his "Joxer the Mighty" song. If it gets louder, I swear, I'll get Xena
to cut the flow of blood to my ears.


We finally reached the cave where the fearsome Gorgons dwelled.
"All right, Joxer," I told him," you know the plan."

Joxer puffed out his skinny chest and readjusted his helmet before
ducking inside the cave. Xena and I waited outside. We didn't have to wait
that long 'cos soon after, Joxer came scurrying out of the cave like a
flustered chicken, an enormous looking fearsome Gorgon with a thick pile of
venomous snakes attached to her head, hot on his heels.

Joxer leapt unto Argo and raced away like mad, the snarling Gorgon
chasing close behind. I said a silent prayer for both Argo and Joxer. But
wait, wasn't there supposed to be *two* Gorgons?

"C'mon Gabrielle," Xena whispered urgently as she yanked me into the
cave. Peeking in, we saw numerous stone statues of various men in running
positions. Fear, shock and terror were each written on every contorted face.
Dry, broken animal bones were strewn all over the floor. And on many coners,
dark patches lingered on the ground. It was a gruesome sight. Looking up, we
saw a group of about twelve young girls locked up in a suspended bamboo cage
attached to the top of the cave. A Gorgon was nearby, singing awfully to
herself as she attempted shampooing the squirming, slithery snakes on her head.

The snakes obviously hated the soap spuds and most were squirming as
she rubbed and squeezed and strangled them. I thought I heard a few choke,
splutter and wheeze. Distictly.

We needed a distraction. And I had just the plan. Tugging at Xena's
arm, I whispered my idea into her ear. She was *not* going to back out on this


"Ahem, excuse me," I called out richly to the shampooing Gorgon as I
stood inside the cave, my warrior beside me, wearing my past-season's blue dress
and carrying a heavy-looking bag,"I am Madame Gabrielle deMorcassa, the best
hair stylist and shampoo madame in all of Greece. It was you who made an
appointment with moi, is it not?"

I was using the Frenchie accent I'd used as Xena's sponser when she
was Miss Amphibolis in a certain beauty pageant. Very cheesy, but I hoped it
worked. I would only use violence as the last resort, being the peace-loving me.

"This pretty lass,is my assistant Xanthe," I gestured to a rather...
womanly-looking Xena. Xena did a cutesy curtsy in the tight dress, smiling
sweetly at the monster in the corner. We were both women so the Gorgon couldn't
possibily turn us into stone unless one of us was really a man in drag (but
sex-changes were quite unheard of in ancient Greece). But that didn't mean
that the Gorgon couldn't kill us by any other means.

"What? What did you say?" the Gorgon ceased her glass-shattering
singing and turned to face us, her red-rimmed evil-looking eyeballs burning
like hot red embers. Her soapy snales wavered in the air, soap spuds forming
a strange halo over her head.

Walking over, I swallowed when I got a closer look at her fangs. Zeus,
this was definately one person... creature that you should never *ever* get a
hickie from. You might just die from a haemorage.

The suspicious Gorgon narrowed her eyes, studying the both of us," I
made no such appointment."

"Well someone did make an appointment with me," I insisted confidently
as I walked over in my formal dress, passing her my business card. Sort of.

"Hmmn, must've been my ssssssister," the Gorgon snarled,"But since she's
not here, you can do mine instead." By quick reflex, I managed to pull my hand
away out of the reach of a particular vicious strand of... snake before it
could take a bite of me.

"There now, Vychan,"the hedious scaly snake-haired Gorgon cooed lovingly,
patting the wormy snake affectionately," gooood now little one- Madame
deMorcassa and her assistant Xanthe will fix you pretty one up nice and good,
or they will become tonight's *dinner*."

I gulped. Yup, I got the message all right. I could've kicked myself
for my stupid plan. I was going to get the both of us killed. I felt sweat break
on my forehead. I grimaced,"It is very hot here, is it not?"

"Uh, by the way, Miss," Xena addressed the Gorgon,"...can I have a tub
of clean water to wash your head in?"

The Gorgon sighed lazily and after awhile, came plodding back with a
tub of steamy clean water. She then plodded back to her seat, waiting to be
served upon, her hair of snakes alive and waiting.

"You've got very... unusual hair,"I remarked, shaking a bottle of
shampoo in my hand. Beside me, Xena was noisily rumaging through the bag.
I forced a grin," Very nice shade indeed."

"Ah, well..." the Gorgon rasped as she flipped through an outdated
scroll," it runs in the family."

"Hey- hey, look at the tub! The water!" Xena suddenly cried out shrilly,
making the both of us instantly turn to look into the tub. It was brillant of
Xena, really. The Gorgon looked into the tub of clear water and that did the
trick. She saw her reflection.

"Bummmer..."the Gorgon cursed as she started turning into greystone.
Suddenly aggitated and furious, she screamed in a horrifying shrill a thousand
times worse than Callisto's, hands clawing madly in the air. She was probably in

"You tricked blasted mortals!"the furious Gorgon snarled, fire
smouldering in her red eyeballs,"Nooooooooooo!!!!" The Gorgon screamed in total
agony before turning completely into stone. Xena pulled me away just in time,
before the grey rock exploded into a million pieces.

"Yayy!!" The girls hanging from the suspended cage cheered. They had
been watching us all along, probably even praying for us. Xena's chalram flew
by, snapping free the ropes that hung the cage containing the Uranian girls off
the floor. The wooden cage broke on impact with the floor and the girls tumbled

"Xena, Xena we did it," I grinned,"we destroyed the Gorgon." It took
me awhile to realise that when Xena pulled me to safety, she'd pulled me to me
and we were now locked in an embrace.

"It was a fantastic plan, Gabrielle," Xena laughed as she almost
reluctantly entangled me from our embrace,"...and wonderful acting."

Just then, several of the stone statues came back to life. Those turned
to stone by that Gorgon had been freed from her spell. The curse was broken
when the Gorgon was destroyed.

"The bitch is dead!" the men joyfully cried out, embracing one another.
Some of the remained unchanged however, and will stay in their rocky state
until the other Gorgon was killed.

"Lead these people out of here, Gabrielle," Xena instructed as she
wriggled out of my tight blue dress, her armour underneath,"I've got to help
Joxer." I watched her leave as I helped one of the Uranian girls to her feet.
It was then that I realised I loved her.


Joxer was frantically urging Argo on faster, the blood-thirsty Gorgon
hot on his trail. The Gorgon was screaming its lungs out while chasing him. It
must be suffering from a bad case of PMS or s'thing, judging its bad... no,
*foul* temper.

"It really is nice of Xena to lend you to me, Argo,"Joxer whispered
into Argo's ear. Then it suddenly dawned on him,"Hey- you're *female*!"
Suddenly, Joxer felt himself being knocked off Argo, landing in a heap on the
hard, dusty ground, the fuming Gorgon on top of him.

"Hey, whatcha doin'?" Joxer tried to say as he flipped around. But while
doing so, he unintentionally stared into the evil red glowing eyes of the
raging Gorgon (who was NOT suffering from a bad case of PMS BUT from early

Almost instantly, Joxer felt himself turn to rock. The last thing he
heard as an all too familiar warcry from a certain warrior princess before he
turned into a cold, lifeless stone statue.

"Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!" Xena cried out as she landed a mighty kick
unto the Gorgon's head. Surprisingly, the thick pile of snakes on the Gorgon's
scalp flew off due to the impact and landed in a thorn bush a few yards away.

"My wig!"the infuriated demoness squealed as she watched it sail into
the bush. She started whining when she felt the top of her empty, dome skull.
It didn't occur to her that she should be thankful that her head was still
attached to her shoulders.

"Take this, you monster!" Xena yelled as she slammed a graceful
spinkick into the Gorgon's stomach. She threw a powerful punch into the side
of the Gorgon's face and to Xena's surprise and disgust, the demoness' dentures
flew out.

"Ewww..." Xena grimaced, disgusted as she watched the thing fly and hit
her metal breast-plate with a "CLANG!". She abruptly crushed it with a stomp
of her foot when it landed on the ground, infront of her.

"Yew arr 'onna vay fer viz, oortle! (You are gonna pay for this,
mortal!)," the crimson-faced bellowing monster screamed as she charged towards
Xena with her scaly green arms outstretched. Xena chuckled. It was like fighting
with her old grandmother.


I had brought out the lucky ones from the Gorgon's lair and urged them
to leave the place at once and to steer clear away.

"I need to help Xena," I explained before rushing off in my regular
clothes, trusty stick in hand, following Joxer's horse tracks.


"Yah!" Xena shouted as she clashed her sword against the Gorgon's
scaly right leg, watching it break off. It wasn't a real leg. Just a fake.

The elderly Gorgon howled as she saw her artifical leg fall off. She
had spent a fortune having it fixed. She tried aiming a blow at the warrior
woman's stomach but failed. Reaching up to touch her eyes, she realised her
glass eye had rolled out and she only had her one (not so) good eye left.


I followed the horse tracks skillfully, thankful that Xena had taught
me how. On the way, I met a living, breathing Autolycus, sitting on the ground,
shaking his head uncertainly as if in a daze.

"Auto!" I cried out joyfully, rushing over to hug the dishevelled
King of Thieves,"You've turned back- great!" The King of Thieves mumbled an
inaudible reply into my chest. I released my hold immediately, apologizing,"Sorry
about that Autolycus, did I crush you?"

"Nah, I'll live,"Autolycus grinned as he forced himself up,"It would be
great if you could... inspect the damage but Xena would probably kill me."
"Huh?" I blinked. Then suddenly I remembered.

"Hey wait," I called out, grabbing his sleeve,"Gimme the stone- The Eye
of Hera. Now!" I must have said it more forcefully then intended for I startled
him abit.

"X-Xena, right?" Autolycus gathered as he turned away from me, fishing
something out from his pants. I tried peering over his shoulder to see where
the infamous King of Thieves had stashed away the jem. It had to be a good hiding
place for the Gorgons to miss. But before I could see where that was, Auto spun
around abruptly, stone in hand.

"Uh-uh-uh," Autolycus taunted playfully, shaking a finger at me, the
jewel behind his back,"...not until..." He bent a cheek towards me, his features
cheeky. Rolling my eyes, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing
the heavy stone and rushing back to my warrior princess. Auto must have sweaty
palms or s'thing, I reckoned, the jewel was kinda sticky.


"This," Xena grumbled,"is getting boring." Between her and the ancient
creature was a growing heap of Gorgon body parts. A rapidly growing heap of
*false* Gorgon body parts.

Grunting in frustration, the warrior woman aimed her chakram at the
weary Gorgon's neck. She fired and her infamous round-killing thingie sliced
through with a sickening, squenchy sound before rocketing off a sturdy tree
trunk and back to her hand. The broken body joined the pile of false Gorgon
anatomy on the ground. It was a terribly disgusting sight.


"Xena!" I called out as I reached her,"In the name of Zeus, what
happened? Xena?" I looked at her. She was sprawled beside the foul parts
of Gorgon anatomy, a severed Gorgon head (with teeth and an eyeball missing)
lay nearby. There was blood on her neck.

"Xena, what happened?" I demanded, dropping my staff to the ground,
stooping down to cradle her head in my lap,"Xena, speak to me." There was blood
on her neck all right. Fresh blood. She suddenly flickered her eyelids open.

"Gabrielle," Xena coughed weakly,"I got bitten by that thing..." She
glanced at the severed head of the Gorgon, which looked back at us with her one
eyeball."You've got to suck out the poison from my neck before I... turn into one
myself." Xena looked at me pleadingly.

The thought of my bestfriend transformed into a hedious scaly snake-haired
Gorgon was just too terrifying. Bending over, I started sucking at her neck like
I'd never sucked before. It was only then that I realised there was no wound or
puncture bite mark. And I'd made a hickie on her neck from all that sucking. A bad
looking one too.

"Hey," I remarked at the sudden realisation that she had duped me,"You
tricked me. There's no bite mark."

"Joke, Gabrielle," Xena rose as a cheeky grin broke out on her face.
Nearby, Joxer was stirring, Argo nuzzling him. "Hey," Xena caught hold of my
hand, her expression sorry,"it was only meant to be a joke, Gabrielle. I'm sorry."

I blinked back tears and stared straight into her eyes. How could she?
How could she play with my feelings- I was so worried! "You think that was so
funny?" I questioned coldly, prodding her flat stomach with the end of my staff,"I
was worried Xena- I was really scared that you were gonna die or something. I was
scared of losing you. And you...." I gritted my teeth as I gave her a fierce
shove,"...played a *joke* on me?" I felt hot tears roll down my cheek. Good, I
hope I made her feel guilty.

"Gabrielle," Xena reached over, gently wiping away my tears,"I truly am
sorry. I just...I just have something that I want to tell you..." Her touch was
soft, gentle and warm. I felt the anger in me dissolve slowly, with every
caress of her fingers.

"What's it that you want to say?" I asked, raising my eyebrows slightly.
This was it, something told me. I swallowed, watching her expectantly.

"Gabrielle,I love you,"the warrior princess breathed, as if saying those
words was taking up all her strength and energy. Those words, those words... I
blinked back happy tears. Zeus, I felt that I could have been standing with her
in the Elysian Fields. Time could have stood still for all I cared.

"I love you, Gabrielle," Xena repeated, her eyes locked unto mine as
she stroked my hair lovingly. She suddenly stopped, a shimmer of fear in my
wonderful blue eyes," Gabrielle do you..."

"I love you too, Xena,"I choked, as I stroked the side of her face
lovingly,"I feel the same way, yes."

Unto our left, we heard Joxer grunt slightly as he pushed himself up
to standing position, adjusting his funny helmet. We pulled away reluctantly
as he approached us, Argo behind.

"Boy do I have an ache," Joxer complained stiffly,"but hey, I just
fought off a nasty Gorgon all by myself! Me- Joxer the Mighty!"

"Su-ure you did," I laughed as I patted him on the back. The poor chap
started spluttering.

"Oh wait, Xena, the stone,"I remembered, as I produced the Gorgon's
precious jewel from my pocket,"I got it from Autolycus."

"So it had been on him the whole time he was turned into stone," Xena
confirmed as she took the Eye of Hera from me, holding it up to examine it in
better light," I thought so."

Just then, the sparkling jewel in Xena's hand started vibrating. Xena
tried releasing her hold on it but it seemed to be stuck fast to her fingers.
It was no good, she just could not let go of the stone. It shone an eerie green
which seemed to engulf the warrior princess.

"Xena!" I cried out in panic,"What's going on? Xena?" I rushed towards
my bestfriend but that idiot Joxer pulled me back. I gulped as I desperately
tried freeing myself. Xena wasn't going to turn into some scaly, green
snake-haired Gorgon monster...was she?


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"Gabrielle!"Xena called out, as if in a great titanic struggle with
some mysterious force,"It's the Eye of Hera- it's..."

I managed to free myself from Joxer's hold and immediately felt the force
of suction coming from the mysterious glowing stone.

"Xena!"I yelled as I edged towards my friend. The Eye of Hera was
emitting a strong gale that swirled heavily around its bearer, making it
difficult for me to reach my friend. But I was determined.

I was just about near enough to touch her outstretched fingers when
she suddenly disappeared in a clap and a puff of emerald green smoke. She hadn't
even finished her sentence. She was gone. Leather, metal breast-plate, blue
eyes and all. Was this it? That my beloved warrior princess gets sucked out
of existence because I passed her that cursed stone?

"Xena- no!" I wailed wildly. I couldn't believe it. I was standing at
the exact same spot she had been standing on just a few seconds ago. But no,
she was gone, disappeared without a trace, wiped off the face of the earth.

"No, Xena,"I moaned sadly as I threw myself to the ground. I was
experiencing the exact same feelings I'd felt when I held my dying, bleeding
Perdicas in my arms after the demented Callisto killed him.

Joxer tried comforting me in a big brotherly way but no, it just didn't
work. It was my fault that Xena got sucked out of existence. I never should've
handed her that stone. It was all my fault, I chided myself, feeling damp coolness
on my cheeks again.


"Arrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Xena screamed as she got sucked through time,
the mysterious stone, The Eye of Hera, casting a pulsating green glow in her
sweaty palm. She was travelling through a time portal, leading to a place
somewhere in time. But to where, she had absolutely no idea.

As she flew through the tunnel-like time portal, Xena could see some
figures at the end of the tunnel. She could hear some distinct, faraway voices.
Squinting, Xena saw seven people in an burial tomb at the end of the tunnel.
"Wait,"Xena narrowed her eyes in reconization,"...Ares." But what in Tartarus
was the Greek God of War doing down there in the future?

Xena fixed her gaze steadily at him and watched as he finished off
three mortals, plunging three daggers into the body of the third guy. The
warrior woman was almost reaching the opening at end of the time portal tunnel
when she saw something that made her gasp. She saw Gabrielle, Joxer and herself.
Or so she thought. Flying through the end of the tunnel, Xena flew straight
into the limp body of her desendent Melinda Pappas.


"Joxer," I sniffed miserably as we made camp that night, at the exact
same spot where Xena and the stone disappeared," you think she's dead?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking pathetically over at Joxer.

"Well Gabby, I don't know,"Joxer started sadly,"I can't say. But I'm
sure Xena knows how to take care of herself."

I nodded mutely. I had to believe it. But I just couldn't help but worry
for my bestfriend. And I hoped wherever she was, wherever that stone took her,
she would be all right.


Xena felt positively wierd. She was in her desendent's body and the
feeling was... thick. Ares stood in front of her postrate form, gloating smugly
as he watched her rise,"...If the world thinks they know death and destruction
now, wait 'til they get a loooad of me!"

"Think again, Ares," Xena purred as she rose, swinging her sword in an
arc, Xena style. Ares nearly did a double take, hearing the smooth, confident
voice of the warrior princess he had so loved, in 1940 Marcedonia.


"Hey guys, mind if I join?" a nicely groomed Autolycus asked as he
approached the two of us. Joxer had tried catching some fish for dinner from the
nearby stream. But after three hours, he came back empty handed, drenched and
dripping wet but not a fish in sight. We had the remaining nutbread left for
dinner by a small fire which took Joxer two hours to make. The guy wasn't much
of a hunter but he had a good heart.

"Sure, Auto,"Joxer welcomed, making space for the charming King of
Thieves. "And maybe you can help cheer Gabby up a little," Joxer whispered
rather loudly into Autolycus' ear," poor kid's been really upset since Xena
vanished- without a trace."

"Vanished, eh?" Auto echoed as he helped himself to some nutbread," How?"
I heard Joxer describe the whole entire story to a hungry Autolycus as I rose
from my position and retrieved my bedroll, rolling it out some distance away.
Then slowly, I took Xena's own bedroll, laying it down just next to mine. It
smelt faintly of leather, a smell so uniquely Xena.

"I'll be waiting for your return, Xena,"I whispered, stroking her empty
bedroll as I closed my tired eyes. The last thing I thought of before I fell
into deep slumber, was the face of my beautiful warrior princess smiling down
at me.


It was a whole new experience for Xena, being transported from ancient
Greece to 1940 Marcedonia, with both Joxer's and Gabrielle's desendents by her
side and she herself in the body of her very own desendent.

Xena came out of Ares' chamber, beloved chakram in hand. At least there
was one more thing familiar to her here. She caught sight of Gabrielle's hardy
archaeologist desendent, her back towards her. Xena walked up to her.

"You all right?"Xena asked concerned, touching her arm. The blonde girl
turned around, facing her. Green eyes looked into her blue ones, Xena noted
the remarkable resembalance. It was certainly uncanny. She was so much like her

"You are Xena," Gabrielle's desendent stated. It wasn't a question but
a statement.

"Yeah," Xena replied, studying the girl's face. So much like her bard.

"And Mel is your desendent,"the blonde continued, looking into her eyes.

Well, Xena smiled with a slight shrug.

"How could I think it was me? My father, he was a thief. And my mother,
she walked out on us,"Janice Covington said bitterly," And I'm related to the
useless title of the tag-along Gabrielle."

Xena's eyes flashed. She grabbed the blonde lass by her shoulder firmly.
"Listen- Gabrielle was *never* useless. She cared for others more than herself.
She was the finest friend anyone could ever have."

"You make her sound important,"Janice observed.

"She is to me. Be proud to be part of her family. I know I am," Xena
finished as she released her hold on the good looking blonde archaeologist.
"I've got to go back there and put Ares back where he belongs," Xena looked into
the direction of Ares' chamber.

"Think you could use some help?" the tough cookie asked, her smile so
much like her bardy ancestor's.

"C'mon,"Xena smiled as she lead the way.


Autolycus yawned big time as he poured himself more port, listening
half-heartedly to Joxer's story on how he battled the two hedious Gorgons
single-handedly, freeing the captured Uranian virgins on the way. He belched,
contemplating on telling Joxer that most of the girls that he had "saved"
were virgins no longer.


Janice Covington was helping Joxer's American desendent Jack out of a
mummy case when Xena silently noted the uncanny resemblence. He was just so
much like Joxer- the face, the actions... everything.

Much as she wanted to go home to ancient Greece and into the welcoming
arms of her Amazon bard, Xena knew she wasn't sucked intothis time zone for
nothing. She knew she was brought here to stop Ares. And she would do just that.

The three of them were walking down a corridor, Xena infront when suddenly
they heard the maniacal laughter of the Greek God of War. Xena told the two
desendents to stay put while she go explore the tomb. She reckoned that they
would be pretty safe there. She had hardly turned her back to them and taken
a couple of steps when she heard a sudden surprised yelp from Jack. Spinning
around, she realised Ares had taken them.

Running into Ares' chamber, Xena saw her friends tied to a stone pillar,
a heavy ball full of heavy-duty metal spikes swung above their heads, the God
of War mocking them nearby.


I had a strange dream that night as I lay sleeping beside Xena's empty
bedroll. I dreamt of a woman who looked so much like my bestfriend, in Xena's
own armour. She wore her dark hair in a bun and was a little hunched but the
resemblence was certainly uncanny.

"Xena? Is that you?" I called out as I approached her in my dream.
Strange, I observed. Her much treasured chakram was missing.

"Xena? No, I'm not Xena- I'm Mel. Melinda Pappas,"the tall beauty drawled
in an accent different from Xena's. She bent over slightly, peering closely at
me," Janice Covington- is that you?"


Xena caught her chakram as it flew back dutifully into her hand. Damn
the gods, Xena cursed as she saw the door open. Ares started out towards the
enterance. No, she couldn't give up now and unleash Ares into the New World.
Over her dead body.

"Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!" Xena cried out as she stopped Ares just as he
was about to step out. She wasn't about to let the scumbag leave his prison.
Oh no, not her.

"You never give up, do you?" the Greek god asked plantively as he got
thrown over by the determined warrior princess. The two started doing battle,
swords clashing, bodies grunting.

Xena grunted when her sword fell to the floor and an angry Ares held
her up by the neck. One blow from his blade and she and her desendent Mel would
be goners. Was this it?

[We'll be right back...]





Wonderful, I thought dryily, Xena has *another* one of those
lookalikes. I shook Melinda Pappas' smooth hand graciously, intoducing myself.
"I'm Gabrielle," I corrected,"...not Janice. And by the way, nice fit on that
leather." I nodded at Xena's armour she was wearing.

"Oh my," the fair beauty gasped as she started feeling chilly," My
clothes..." She clearly had no idea how she got into Xena's leathers.

"Uh, anyway Melinda,"I asked the stranger,"how did you get here?"

"I don't know, I...," Mel stammered uncertainly," we were at Ares'
chamber when suddenly there was this gigantic impact and then... well, here I
am." Mel did a cutesy gesture with both hands, making me smile fondly.

"Okay Mel, one more thing- you're in my dream,"I smiled at the flustered
beauty. She looked so much like my bestfriend. Those blue eyes...

"Y-your dream?"Mel asked in disbelief,"...oh my." She placed her hand on
her ample cleavage, trying to calm herself down. Too much excitment, I suppose.
She gingerly reached over and pinched me slightly on the arm. She looked almost
sorry to have done it.

"See, it doesn't hurt,"I pointed.

"Yeah, I'm in your dream all right,"Mel sighed.


It's amazing, Xena mused, Gabrielle's very own desendent had just saved
her- and she's pretty handy with the whip. Xena had been fighting Ares when the
god had nearly had her when Gabby's hardy archaeologist stopped him just in time
from making mince meat out of Mel and Xena by using her whip, enabling Xena to
hurl her chakram and slam the great big iron spike-ball into the Greek god.

Loser, Xena snickered inwardly as she watched the god go down. Her chakram
hit the glowing red Eye of Perfestus, which had kept Ares in his prison for
centuries. Instantly, Xena felt a strong suction force pull her back. She left
her desendent's body and flew into a newly formed time portal, invisible to the
mortals and the enraged God of War.

Looking down at herself, she was relieved to see that she was back into
her armour; leather, breast-plate and all. She was almost sorry for having to
rip the sides of Mel's uncomfortable skirt. The amazing Eye of Hera glowed a
brillant green in her hand.

Staring at the opening as she was sucked backwards through the time portal
tunnel, she shouted in triumph and relief to see both her desendent and Gabrielle's
safely tumble out of the tomb, managing to do so before the great door shut,
leaving the furious Greek god trapped inside his prison again for a long,
long time.

Now, Xena smiled as she travelled further back up the time portal, she
could be back home in ancient Greece with her bard by her side.


I was recitimg one of my favourite poems to Mel when I stopped abruptly.
"Mel, you're glowing!" I exclaimed in surprised to see the pretty brunette
bathed in a magnificent green light. Melinda looked completely baffled and surprised

"Oh my...,"she started to say before she disappeared in a blink of an eye,
leaving behind a heavy puff of luminous green smoke.


"Ooomfffph!" Xena exclaimed when she landed on her bedroll, beside her
peacefully sleeping bard, who was obviously having a dream. A dream of whom, I
wonder, Xena mused as she reached over and gently stroked her face. The Eye of
Hera had ceased glowing and Xena carefully placed it into her bag. It might just
come in handy the next time, she reckoned.


"Mel?" I called out as I waved away the choking heavy green smoke,
horrified that she had disappeared the same way my bestfriend had. I shook
my head- I had to get out of here. This dream was just getting way to wierd.


I fluttered my eyelids open. It was still dark, the stars twinkling in
the skies, the moon's gentle beams streaming in. Turning slightly, I saw Xena
in her bedroll looking fondly at me and I sighed happily. I just about closed my
eyes when I realised it was XENA.

"Xena?" I whispered fiercely, sitting up suddenly, throwing off her
blanket. There she was, Miss Amphibolis in bed. (Alone ;D)

"Xena- you're back!" I gushed excitedly, throwing my arms around her
and hugging her like there was no tomorrow. I clutched her possesively, afraid
to let her go. Tears of joy threathened to spill down my cheeks.

"It's all right, Gabrielle,"Xena comforted me, stroking my hair as she
kissed the top of my head tenderly,"I'm back- and still in one piece."

Glancing around, I was thankful that both the boys were deep in slumber.
Auto had drained Xena's complete supply of port and Joxer, well, he was just
probably totally drained from the day's excitment.

"Promise me you'll never leave me again, Xena,"I whispered fiercely,
feeling her smooth face with my hand," you had me worried sick."

Her wonderful blue eyes locked unto my green ones, my warrior princess
gently mouthed the words "I love you Gabrielle" before covering my mouth with
hers. That was it. The night was still pretty young and we were planning on
making the most of it... I just hope we won't wake the boys.

********************************** [ THE END ] *************************************

Cast of characters:

Xena/ Melinda Pappas/ Xanthe the shampoo girl Lucy Lawless
Gabrielle/ Janice Covington/ Madame deMorcassa Renee O'Connor
Autolycus, King of Thieves Bruce Campbell
Joxer/ Jack Clemments Ted Raimi
Ares, Greek God of War Kevin Smith
Argo uhm, Argo?
Gorgon #1 Pamela Anderson (in a rubber suit)
Gorgon #2 Dolly Parton (in a bio-degradeable rubber suit)
Narrator/ writer Amazon Moon


No Gorgon was really killed but the actresses playing them have engaged
their lawyers for lawsuits claiming that the rubber suits they had to wear
were a hazard to their skin resulting in pimples on unmentionable parts of
their anatomy and it also made some permanent damage to their ample clevages.


Ok, there you have it. You've (finally) reached the hard, grueling end of my
very first attempt at writing fanfic. How did you find it? Should I try write
some more? Or should I just break my pen and take a cold shower? Do email your
comments at Thanks. Amazon Moon

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