Confessions of Faith
by Ponyhead
Here is my 1st attempt at writing of alt fanfic, any comments, gripes or moans are appreciated.
In the distance images amd structures were revealed more clearly to her with
each passing step. Resembelances of old faces and stares through beady eyes,
were now in focus. The warrior walked alone with horse in tow through the streets
of her home
town; Amphipolis. Finally she was at her destination.
She stabled Argo and headed for the local tavern. She opened the door and went
inside the dark and smokey place. As she spotted an empty table and started
to seat herself down a familiar voice called out. "Xena!" Xena smiled
and turned
toward the sound. Cyrene embraced her daughter and held her for a moment. "How
is Ephany and Xenan?" she asked."Fine" replied Xena as tears
puddled in her eyes.
"I know the Amazon memorial everyone built in honor of Gabrielle was very
difficult for you to see. Come on you're so tired. I'll draw you a bath. You
are staying a while aren't you? " asked Cyrene heasitantly. "Yeh,
yeh I will."
answered Xena pitifully.
Cyrene took Xena's hand, she led her down the darkened hallway and into a small room. "Don't worry Xena...I'll only charge you half price,because you are my favorite daughter."
"Mother, I'm your only daughter." replied Xena smuggly. "I know that's what makes you so special." said Cyrene. She let out a chuckle as she opened the door for Xena. Xena closed the door and let out a sigh.
The room was cramped, yet cozy. Candles lit up the room and that familiar musty
smell invigorated her senses. A small stool that sat near the tub held the soap
and sponge. Xena undressed and wrapped a towel around her body. She heared her
mother's footsteps coming closer. Xena opened the door and traded her clothes
for the last pail of water to fill the tub. "Thank's mother." "You're
welcome...I'll bring you some thing to put on." Cyrene reached up and tosseled
her daughter's hair. Xena swallowed hard holding back tears as their eyes met.
"It's alright." said Cyrene. "I'm alright. It's been a long day.
I'll be
fine." "I'll bring you some wine so you can relax.." Cyrene closed
the door behind her. Xena listened as her mother's footsteps faded down the
hallway.
Xena turned and slipped into the tub. The hot water soothed the aches and pains
of her tired muscles. She closed her eyes and reflected back...back...back to
Gabrielle. It was exactly two day's after they had helped the Athenians fight
the Horde. They sat near a tree huddled under a blanket in the rain, together.
"Gabrielle." said Xena softly. " I love you!" Xena swallowed
hard.
"I can't say it any plainer. I have been carrying this around for a long
time now. I have fallen in love with you." Xena was unsure where the courage
had come from to reveal such feelings.
Gabrielle looked up and over at Xena, unable to speak. Gabrielle put her arm
around her. She pulled her closer to her. Xena rested her head on Gabrielle's
shoulder. Even if she didn't verbally reply to what Xena had revealed, it was
as if the world just melted away. It was just the two of them now. Xena slowly
reached over and touched Gabrielle on the cheek. She couldn't help but be drawn
into this woman. She leaned down to her and took a deep breath and let it out
slowly. Her pulse was racing, her
mouth yearning with such desire. Her lips parted slightly. She could taste the
the mixture of rain and sweat on her lips. She wanted to taste it on Gabrielle.
Gabrielle raised up slightly to meet the tenderness of a first kiss.. Xena could
feel the arousal flowing through her to Gabrielle and knew there was no stopping
at just a passionate kiss. Xena could feel her arousal flowing through her to
Gabrielle. She knew there would be no stopping at just one passionate kiss.
Waves of delight flowed from her toes to her lips. Gabrielle pulled back a moment
and whispered to Xena. " This is what I would have waited forever for...I'm
in love with you."
The memory faded as the knock at the door became louder. " Xena I brought you some wine and..." A look of concern crossed Cyrene's face. "You need to talk to someone Xena. I am here for you, daughter."
"I can't." tears streamed down Xena's face. Cyrene placed the tray
on the stool next to the tub. Xena picked up the mug and poured the wine into
her mouth. It burned on the way down her throat. Xena glared at Cyrene with
peircing eyes, her hard shell returning.
"Xena don't push me out. I'm willing to hear you. Talk to me ....tell.. me!! Cyrene leaned against the wall, her arms folded across her chest. A sad, frust- rated look crossed her face.
Xena climbed out of the tub and dried off. Cyrene glanced over and became startled. "Xena! What happened? How did you get that? Xena flashed look of astonishment as she interupted the line of questioning.
"Mother, just don't" Xena's face relaxed a little. " Mother it healed nicely."
"But who? how? " Cyrene's pleading didn't cease and Xena knew it would'nt
so she gave in. " Persians...the Persians at Tripolis. Gabrielle and I
had to fight to stop them from reaching Athens." said Xena softly. "You
stayed out there to fight when you were hurt this bad?" " I sewed
it up!" "You sewed it up ? Cyrene knew by Xena's body launage that
there was more to this story. "Yes!" Cyrene turned around and took
a deep breath. Almost feeling exasparated she turned to face Xena again."
You kept it from her didn't you? " " Gabrielle had her own problems,
she didn't need to know about the gash in my belly mother!!" Xena realized
her harsh tone. She turned away and dressed.
"Xena was that the only thing you kept from her ? Come on talk!" Xena turned and faced her mother. "NO!" Exasperated and tired now more than ever. "No, no it's not the only thing I kept from her. " Cyrene reached out. She noticed Xena's expression soften. Cyrene reached out and pulled Xena close to her and rocked her gently.
Xena swallowed hard fighting back tears. "Xena let it out...come on baby
let it go." She held her mother tightly. The tears streamed down her face.
"Oh gods mother, I miss her so much! She is gone, she just left me."
Xena covered her mouth with
her hand trying desperately to keep the words and pain from escaping. The anguish
poured out of her. " It's alright, I gotcha now It's alright." Xena
heard her say. The lump in her throat felt like a boulder. Cyrene whispered
into her ear. "I know
how you felt about each other, it wasn't a secret to me at all." Xena's
muscles tensed. Cyrene continued stroking her hair. " I always knew...well,
you're my daughter and I love you....I knew you'd find true love. It felt good
to love someone
like Gabrielle and have her love you back didn't it?"
"Yes." Xena wiped the tears away. " It's Ok Xena ." Cyrene
still rock her where they stood. " Mother, if I had been honest with her
sooner and told her the truth...then...." "What is the truth Xena?
Do you think that if you told her truth...that you loved her the moment you
laid eyes on her...you'd feel less pain now ? Don't carry regret's especially
for loving her. Be thankful for the time you did have together."
Xena released the hold she had on her mother. " We shared so much...good
times and bad. We revealed secrets and dreams. We gave each other pleasure and
pain. The bitter and sweet of it all." Xena's face lit up with a smile
for the first time in weeks,
since Gabrielle's death.
"How many night's we prayed to see another day together. How many days
we praised to see another night together, under a star studded sky. I didn't
count them all but I bet you did.." Xena paused in embarrassment realizing
she had said "you" instead
of she.
" It's alright Xena continue." said Cyrene as she stroked the top
of Xena's head. Tears flooded sparkling blue eyes again. Cyrene reached up and
touched Xena on the face. "Oh, Gabrielle! if only I had one more day, one
more night, one more
second. I'd hold you tightly to me...one more moment to touch you again, to
know you're there beside me...and all I have to do is reach over and you're
there."
Xena broke the embrace from her mother and stepped back. " In my heart I knew it was Gabrielle who kept me hanging on, kept me going,kept me on the right path, I miss her so...much and now I'm without her."
Xena turned her head to face her mother and sky blue eyes met sky blue eyes.
"Xena, you feel lost without her because you don't think you can do the
'greater good' without her, it's not easy, I know and I forgive you and other's
do and will
too...But, Xena don't do it for me or for Gabrielle. Do it for other's and you'll
find out you've done it for yourself as well."
Xena took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. She laughed a little.
She looked up. "Mother you sound like her."
"Xena, Gabrielle was a wonderful woman and so are you I'm proud to be your
mother. Xena I believe in you." Cyrene smiled broadly at her.
Tears formed in the corners of eyes. Xena wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"Know what mother? I'm starting to, too."
" I know Xena, I can see it in your eyes. Gabrielle is a part of you and
a part of us all."
Xena looked over at Cyrene. "Always."