Confessions of Faith

by Ponyhead


Here is my 1st attempt at writing of alt fanfic, any comments, gripes or moans are appreciated.

The dirt and sweat trailed from Xena's forehead into the creases of her neck. Her throat was dry. Her cheeks reddened from the heat of the sun. The trip was long and treaterous. The warrior couldn't push her horse any harder than she was already.
The half day's journey seemed like an eturnity in the heat.

In the distance images amd structures were revealed more clearly to her with each passing step. Resembelances of old faces and stares through beady eyes, were now in focus. The warrior walked alone with horse in tow through the streets of her home
town; Amphipolis. Finally she was at her destination.

She stabled Argo and headed for the local tavern. She opened the door and went inside the dark and smokey place. As she spotted an empty table and started to seat herself down a familiar voice called out. "Xena!" Xena smiled and turned
toward the sound. Cyrene embraced her daughter and held her for a moment. "How is Ephany and Xenan?" she asked."Fine" replied Xena as tears puddled in her eyes.

"I know the Amazon memorial everyone built in honor of Gabrielle was very difficult for you to see. Come on you're so tired. I'll draw you a bath. You are staying a while aren't you? " asked Cyrene heasitantly. "Yeh, yeh I will."
answered Xena pitifully.

Cyrene took Xena's hand, she led her down the darkened hallway and into a small room. "Don't worry Xena...I'll only charge you half price,because you are my favorite daughter."

"Mother, I'm your only daughter." replied Xena smuggly. "I know that's what makes you so special." said Cyrene. She let out a chuckle as she opened the door for Xena. Xena closed the door and let out a sigh.

The room was cramped, yet cozy. Candles lit up the room and that familiar musty smell invigorated her senses. A small stool that sat near the tub held the soap and sponge. Xena undressed and wrapped a towel around her body. She heared her mother's footsteps coming closer. Xena opened the door and traded her clothes for the last pail of water to fill the tub. "Thank's mother." "You're welcome...I'll bring you some thing to put on." Cyrene reached up and tosseled her daughter's hair. Xena swallowed hard holding back tears as their eyes met. "It's alright." said Cyrene. "I'm alright. It's been a long day. I'll be
fine." "I'll bring you some wine so you can relax.." Cyrene closed the door behind her. Xena listened as her mother's footsteps faded down the hallway.

Xena turned and slipped into the tub. The hot water soothed the aches and pains of her tired muscles. She closed her eyes and reflected back...back...back to Gabrielle. It was exactly two day's after they had helped the Athenians fight the Horde. They sat near a tree huddled under a blanket in the rain, together. "Gabrielle." said Xena softly. " I love you!" Xena swallowed hard.
"I can't say it any plainer. I have been carrying this around for a long time now. I have fallen in love with you." Xena was unsure where the courage had come from to reveal such feelings.

Gabrielle looked up and over at Xena, unable to speak. Gabrielle put her arm around her. She pulled her closer to her. Xena rested her head on Gabrielle's shoulder. Even if she didn't verbally reply to what Xena had revealed, it was as if the world just melted away. It was just the two of them now. Xena slowly reached over and touched Gabrielle on the cheek. She couldn't help but be drawn into this woman. She leaned down to her and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her pulse was racing, her
mouth yearning with such desire. Her lips parted slightly. She could taste the the mixture of rain and sweat on her lips. She wanted to taste it on Gabrielle. Gabrielle raised up slightly to meet the tenderness of a first kiss.. Xena could feel the arousal flowing through her to Gabrielle and knew there was no stopping at just a passionate kiss. Xena could feel her arousal flowing through her to Gabrielle. She knew there would be no stopping at just one passionate kiss. Waves of delight flowed from her toes to her lips. Gabrielle pulled back a moment and whispered to Xena. " This is what I would have waited forever for...I'm in love with you."

The memory faded as the knock at the door became louder. " Xena I brought you some wine and..." A look of concern crossed Cyrene's face. "You need to talk to someone Xena. I am here for you, daughter."

"I can't." tears streamed down Xena's face. Cyrene placed the tray on the stool next to the tub. Xena picked up the mug and poured the wine into her mouth. It burned on the way down her throat. Xena glared at Cyrene with peircing eyes, her hard shell returning.

"Xena don't push me out. I'm willing to hear you. Talk to me ....tell.. me!! Cyrene leaned against the wall, her arms folded across her chest. A sad, frust- rated look crossed her face.

Xena climbed out of the tub and dried off. Cyrene glanced over and became startled. "Xena! What happened? How did you get that? Xena flashed look of astonishment as she interupted the line of questioning.

"Mother, just don't" Xena's face relaxed a little. " Mother it healed nicely."

"But who? how? " Cyrene's pleading didn't cease and Xena knew it would'nt so she gave in. " Persians...the Persians at Tripolis. Gabrielle and I had to fight to stop them from reaching Athens." said Xena softly. "You stayed out there to fight when you were hurt this bad?" " I sewed it up!" "You sewed it up ? Cyrene knew by Xena's body launage that there was more to this story. "Yes!" Cyrene turned around and took a deep breath. Almost feeling exasparated she turned to face Xena again." You kept it from her didn't you? " " Gabrielle had her own problems, she didn't need to know about the gash in my belly mother!!" Xena realized her harsh tone. She turned away and dressed.

"Xena was that the only thing you kept from her ? Come on talk!" Xena turned and faced her mother. "NO!" Exasperated and tired now more than ever. "No, no it's not the only thing I kept from her. " Cyrene reached out. She noticed Xena's expression soften. Cyrene reached out and pulled Xena close to her and rocked her gently.

Xena swallowed hard fighting back tears. "Xena let it out...come on baby let it go." She held her mother tightly. The tears streamed down her face. "Oh gods mother, I miss her so much! She is gone, she just left me." Xena covered her mouth with
her hand trying desperately to keep the words and pain from escaping. The anguish poured out of her. " It's alright, I gotcha now It's alright." Xena heard her say. The lump in her throat felt like a boulder. Cyrene whispered into her ear. "I know
how you felt about each other, it wasn't a secret to me at all." Xena's muscles tensed. Cyrene continued stroking her hair. " I always knew...well, you're my daughter and I love you....I knew you'd find true love. It felt good to love someone
like Gabrielle and have her love you back didn't it?"

"Yes." Xena wiped the tears away. " It's Ok Xena ." Cyrene still rock her where they stood. " Mother, if I had been honest with her sooner and told her the truth...then...." "What is the truth Xena? Do you think that if you told her truth...that you loved her the moment you laid eyes on'd feel less pain now ? Don't carry regret's especially for loving her. Be thankful for the time you did have together."

Xena released the hold she had on her mother. " We shared so much...good times and bad. We revealed secrets and dreams. We gave each other pleasure and pain. The bitter and sweet of it all." Xena's face lit up with a smile for the first time in weeks,
since Gabrielle's death.

"How many night's we prayed to see another day together. How many days we praised to see another night together, under a star studded sky. I didn't count them all but I bet you did.." Xena paused in embarrassment realizing she had said "you" instead
of she.

" It's alright Xena continue." said Cyrene as she stroked the top of Xena's head. Tears flooded sparkling blue eyes again. Cyrene reached up and touched Xena on the face. "Oh, Gabrielle! if only I had one more day, one more night, one more
second. I'd hold you tightly to more moment to touch you again, to know you're there beside me...and all I have to do is reach over and you're there."

Xena broke the embrace from her mother and stepped back. " In my heart I knew it was Gabrielle who kept me hanging on, kept me going,kept me on the right path, I miss her so...much and now I'm without her."

Xena turned her head to face her mother and sky blue eyes met sky blue eyes. "Xena, you feel lost without her because you don't think you can do the 'greater good' without her, it's not easy, I know and I forgive you and other's do and will
too...But, Xena don't do it for me or for Gabrielle. Do it for other's and you'll find out you've done it for yourself as well."

Xena took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. She laughed a little. She looked up. "Mother you sound like her."
"Xena, Gabrielle was a wonderful woman and so are you I'm proud to be your mother. Xena I believe in you." Cyrene smiled broadly at her.

Tears formed in the corners of eyes. Xena wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Know what mother? I'm starting to, too."
" I know Xena, I can see it in your eyes. Gabrielle is a part of you and a part of us all."

Xena looked over at Cyrene. "Always."


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