It Really Happened One Night (Or Did It?)
by JJ, Bard in Waiting
(For Gabrielle)




The characters of Gabrielle, Xena, Aphrodite, Joxer and Lila are owned by Studios USA/ Renaissance Pictures and no copyright infringement is intended. This story contains scenes of a sexual nature (at times fairly graphic) between two adult women. If that offends you, or you are not of age, please do not read further. Light profanity warning. The author is not a Joxer or Lila lover, so be forewarned.

I hope you enjoy this offering. Any comments (nice ones only, please) can be sent to



Way past midnight, I reluctantly set the Xena fanfic aside and douse the light. I reflect on my impressions of Gabrielle and Xena making love. I should know better than to read this mushy and spicy stuff prior to going to bed. I hug my pillow, telling Gabrielle I love her. Pathetic, but true. Such is the night of a single lesbian with no sex life. I journey to slumberland pretending the adorable bard is beside me.

Next thing I know, I am roused from my much needed beauty rest by something (or someone) flopping onto my bed. Something that is way too heavy to be my cat. Frantically, I scramble out of bed and grab the nearest weapon I can find - my old tennis racquet, which was used to fend off a pesky wasp the previous evening. I switch on the nightstand lamp and clench my trusty racquet, prepared to strike.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my bed?"

Then I glimpse the visitor for the first time and am rendered speechless by the sight of Renee O'Connor in complete Gabrielle garb reclining on my bed. She's wearing the new fifth season ensemble - intricate leather halter showing lots of midriff (I've never been a stomach woman before, but Ren's abs are to die for!), short skirt with boots, and cropped hair, of which I am also exceedingly fond. I knew she was a knockout from watching her on TV, but the airwaves don't do her justice. In person, she's even more fetching. Renee, too, appears stunned by this series of events, but soon gains her voice and points at my racquet, still held in warrior stance.

"What kind of a staff is that?"

"It's not a staff. It's a tennis racquet. Wait a minute. This is a dream right? There's no way Renee O'Connor is laying (or is it lying?) on my bed."

"Who's Rainy whatshername?"

"It's Renee O'Connor. And you are." I drop the racquet and gape at the blond woman curiously. She is riveting and my eyes refuse to leave her.

"I am not! I'm Gabrielle of Poteidaia. What's your name?"


"Hmm. Interesting." Still on the bed, she gets on her knees and crawls to where I'm positioned, presenting her arm for the traditional 'Xena' handshake, which isn't really a handshake at all. "Pleased to meet you, Jay Jay." We shake forearms.

"If you're Gabrielle, where is Xena?" My eyes dart around the room nervously.

"Why does everyone always ask me that when they see me alone? We're not joined at the hip, you know! I'm perfectly capable of doing some things by myself!"

"Jeez. Sorry. You must be suffering from irritable bard syndrome." I couldn't resist.

"Huh? No, wait - I'm sorry," Renee/Gabrielle apologizes. "I'm a little tired of people thinking that Xena and I always have to be together and that I'm just her silly sidekick."

"I never thought that." Apparently, that didn't get taken care of in 'Fins, Femmes and Gems'.

"Where am I anyway?" My guest checks out her environment and notices certain objects. "By the Gods! Why do you have likenesses of me and Xena hanging on your walls? They're not drawings or paintings. How did you get those? The ones of us bathing together are quite nice." She peers at those minutely.

"This is just great. I finally have a dream with Ren in my bed and all she does is ask stupid questions. I'd better wake myself up and start again." "Those weren't stupid questions," Renee/Gabrielle replies, looking hurt. Now I feel bad. "And this is not a dream. Aphrodite sent me."


"Yes. She's the Goddess of Love."

"I know who she is. Mostly from watching 'Xena'. She was moderately amusing in the one where everything you wrote on your scroll came true."

"How did you know that? Wait. Never mind. Aphrodite said people would probably know lots about me and not to question my surroundings. Just go with the flow."

"That sounds like her."

"Too many questions take valuable time away from the reason I'm here."

"Which is?"

"Why, to make love with you, of course."

"Whoa!" I exclaim. "Now this is more like the dream I would pick."

"I'm telling you this isn't a dream!"

She is still kneeling on my bed. "Well, dream or not, would you mind taking your boots off? I don't usually let people wear them in my bed."

"Oh! Sorry." She scoots to the side of the bed and stands adjacent to me, sizing me up. "Hey! I can't believe I'm actually taller than you!" Being this close to her almost has me drooling, but I'm trying to act nonchalant.

"Don't feel too special. Virtually everyone is. Besides, without those boots, we're probably the same."

"Why don't we find out?" She sits on the edge of the bed while I pinch myself.


"What did you do?"

"I pinched myself to make sure I'm not dreaming."

"I told you you're not. This is real. Would you help me out of my boots, please?"

"Sure." I crouch to yank her boots off. We both get vertical and Renee/Gabrielle looks me in the eye. Seeing those orbs looming at me all but provokes a swoon, and I just gaze at her for a moment, captivated "Wow. You really do have the most gorgeous green eyes." She definitely has me under her spell now.

"Thank you." She discovers that she does own the boasting rights concerning our heights. "Aha! I am taller than you!"


"What's that mean?"

"Never mind." She studies me.

"I like your outfit."

"Thanks." My outfit consists of a white, sleeveless ribbed undershirt that emphasizes my attributes quite nicely, and purple and white striped boxer shorts. I am nothing if not color-coordinated. Her eyes linger on my bust. I blush. "You wanna tell me why you're here again, Ren?"

"My name is Gabrielle! Why do you insist on calling me Ren?"

"Because you are the spitting image of her. I want to ask you a few questions so I know who I'm dealing with." We sit. "What's your favorite way to work out?"

"It used to be sparring with my staff, but since I don't have it anymore…"

"No, it's kickboxing."

"What's that?"

I sigh. "OK. You don't like Country, do you?"

"Where did you get that? I adore wide-open spaces. Sleeping under the stars with Xena…"

"No, no, no. I meant music." Renee/Gabrielle is confused. "Do you pick Plain or Peanut M&M's?"

"What in Zeus' name are those?"

"It's a kind of candy. You opt for peanut."

"I prefer nutbread." Her eyes sparkle. "Do you have any?"

This isn't working. "No." She is bummed. "Alright. One more question. What is your favorite color?"

"Leather," she says dreamily.

"No. Teal!" The actress/Amazon gives me a blank stare. "Fine. I guess you are Gabrielle. If you're real."

"I am. You already touched me once. And could I do this if I wasn't?" She snatches my tennis racquet and raps me gingerly on the noggin. She performs a staff routine with it, narrowly missing my nose. "Hmm. Has a nice heft to it. Believe me?" She perches on the mattress again, letting go of the stringed staff.

"What've I got to lose?"

"Maybe I can explain this to you," Gabrielle starts. "Xena and I have recently become lovers."

"No! I'm shocked!" I receive a half-hearted glare as punishment for my outburst.

"Shut up so I can finish." She gets a far away glint in her eyes as if she's recalling rather pleasant memories. I clear my throat to remind her that I'm still there. "Oh. Sorry." She grins sheepishly. "Xena has much more practice and expertise in those matters than I do, so we appealed to Aphrodite for help. She decided to transport me to several different people so I can gain the experience I need that will enable me to be more equal to Xena in that… capacity." I crack up. "What?" I'm laughing so hard that I topple off the bed. Gabrielle jumps up with her hands on her hips. "What in Tartarus is so funny?" I struggle to compose myself. That done, I stand and seat us both back on the bed.

"Aphrodite got her wires crossed big time if she sent you to me to get experience in lovemaking." That makes me giggle again.

"You mean you've never…"

"I didn't say that."

"Then we'll be fine. It's quality, not quantity."

I grow deadly serious as a thought occurs to me. "Doesn't it upset Xena that you're out putting the moves on other women?" I'm imagining the Warrior Princess arriving at my humble abode in a jealous rage with her sword and chakram at the ready. It isn't a pretty picture.

"She won't know."

"What are you talking about? You said the two of you asked Aphrodite for help."

"That's right. But neither of us will remember that I've been gone, except that I'll retain anything I've absorbed from my encounters."

"You mean you won't remember me?" I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

"I'm afraid not. Not you in particular."

"Will I remember you?" At this juncture, without even doing anything remotely sexual, I can't conceive of ever forgetting my tryst with Gabrielle.

"I'm not sure. But I will be able to give to Xena anything that you can give to me." She throws a seductive glance my way. Because I've been in a love free zone for awhile (make that a very long while), it doesn't require much to convince me.

"Well, if it's for 'the greater good' (Gabrielle's eyebrows shoot up), I guess it doesn't matter if you're Ren or Gabrielle, if this is real or a dream, I'm up for it."


"Then you'll help us?"

"Has anyone ever said no to you?"

"Not that I can remember."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny."

"I have a brilliant sense of humor."

"I know. It's one of the things I love most about you." I can't believe I said that. So much for my endeavor to be indifferent. I was essentially a lost cause from the beginning anyway.

"You love me?"

I shrug. The cat is out of the bag, so to speak. Although mine is probably under the bed. I might as well confess. "What's not to love? You're breathtakingly radiant, brave, giving, funny, irresistible, loyal, compassionate, smart, caring, bewitching, a talented bard, have a magnetic personality, and to top it off, you have the best body in the known world, so if it's possible to love someone I've never met and who may be only a mythological figure, then I'm guilty as charged."

"That's so sweet." Her eyes lock with mine. I know it sounds trite, but I'm losing myself in them. I could swim in their depths forever. She saves me from drowning by drawing my lips to hers. Her mouth is remarkably soft and tastes of honey. I think I'm melting. I can feel the kiss all the way to my toes. I now know where Faith Hill got the inspiration for 'This Kiss'. Gabrielle breaks the contact while I make a valiant effort to hide my disappointment. It is no use. She detects it. "It's OK. I just thought it might be more romantic in the dark. Can we do away with this torch thingy that has no flame?" She indicates the electric lantern on the bedside table. I agree with that in theory, but I want to be able to admire her.

"Wait. I have an idea. Can you leave the bedroom?"

"Sure. I just can't go outside where anyone else will see me."

"Good. Come with me." I take her hand and lead her out of my room, through the hallway, past the dining room and into the living room. I get my Aim'n'Flame magic wand out of a drawer and start several candles burning.

Before she can inquire how the fire stick works, Gabrielle squawks, "Oh my Gods, Xena!!!"

"Shit! Where? Don't kill me! I hardly touched her!" I'm dead. Following the direction Gabrielle is gawking, I make out my standup version of the Warrior Princess lurking in the murky corner. "Whew! She's not real. Had me going for awhile there." My hand goes to my heart to tame its wild palpitations. The storyteller approaches cardboard Xena warily. "Don't…"

"You don't want to make me mad, do you?" Xena's voice says. Gabrielle shouts and shrinks away. My admonition was too late.

"That's only a recording. The sound is hooked up to the photo." Gabrielle is still perplexed and wants to investigate further. "Watch it," I warn. Too late again.

"Yi, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi!" Xena yells. Gabrielle shrieks. I stroll to the fake Xena and she has one more thing to say. "I have many skills."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know," I say as I disarm her. "It's alright. Xena is silenced. You can go to her." Gabrielle scrutinizes Xena front and back and is satisfied that her paramour is not flesh and blood.

"What is going on? How in Hades' name did you do that?"

"It's too hard to explain. I'll get rid of her so she won't disturb us." I carry Xena into the extra bedroom and shut the door, then rejoin Gabrielle in the living room. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah. That was a little unnerving."

"No kidding. I've got something planned that should hopefully help you relax."

"What are we going to do?"

"We're going to slow dance." I peruse my vast collection of CD's (all five of them) for an appropriate artist.

"Uh. I don't think that's such a good idea. I'm not a very good dancer. Just ask the Amazons."

"I wouldn't say that. I thought you did extremely well with the Bacchae." Gabrielle colors slightly. "Besides, this isn't exactly dancing. It's basically walking together." I don't unearth a suitable CD, so I switch to my ancient but dependable albums. "Aha! Got it!" I slide Walter Murphy (dating myself, I know) out of his sleeve and place him on the turntable so that the needle is ready for 'Just a Love Song'. The music commences. Gabrielle's eyes open wide.

"How did you do that? How is the music coming out?"

"Sh. You don't need to know that, remember? And I don't know how to describe it to you anyway. May I have this dance, my Queen?"

"Yes, you may."

I secure her hand and gently pull her to me, my arms loosely encircling her waist. My hands are very much at home on her bare skin. "Now you put your arms around me." She does. "And I put my foot here (between hers) and we take small steps and move in circles." We do that for a bit.

"This isn't so bad." She treads on my foot. "Sorry."

"Good thing you don't have your boots on anymore." Gabrielle sticks her tongue out. Seeing it sends my stomach plummeting five stories.

"That's a charming song," she says.

"Yes, it is. Very romantic."

"So is this. Can we hold each other closer?"

"Of course." I thought she'd never ask. I strengthen my grip on her and she wraps her arms around my neck, combing her fingers through my razor clipped hair.

"I love the way that feels," Gabrielle remarks.

"Me, too. Maybe you should get Xena to cut her hair in that style." We both laugh. "Xena, Warrior Butch! I love your hair short. It's very hot."

"Actually, it's cooler in the summer."

"No, I mean hot, as in sexy."

"Oh." I also love the way her breasts feel next to mine, which are straining against the thin cotton. I inhale the scent of her. So fresh, so clean, so sensual. I tenderly kiss the side of her neck. She lets out an audible breath. The song ends and I lean back to stare into those eyes.

"Shall we listen to it again?"

"Yes." Scarcely louder than a whisper that is extremely erotic to me. I go to play the song and she stops me. "Jay Jay?" My stomach lurches when she says my name.

"Yes, Gabrielle?" I smile to myself because it feels so wonderful to be saying that name to the genuine individual.

"I have a suggestion."

"What is it?"

"Why don't we try this slow dancing thing with no clothes?" She read my mind, but I have to get this in first.

"You mean like those three naked dancing Gabrielles? Excellent suggestion." She reddens and smacks me on the arm.

"You don't want to spoil the mood, now do you?" I definitely don't.

"No. Not at all." I set forth to lower my shorts, but her hands are on mine.

"Can I do it for you?"

"Of course." How can I say no to her? She keeps surprising me. Gabrielle stoops and drags the boxer shorts to my ankles, her hands leaving a path of heat on my legs. I support myself on her shoulders as I step out of the shorts. She sneaks a tiny peek at what little of my bristly thicket she can see below my shirt, then stands and elevates my arms high, easing the garment over my head. While I am sightless, I suddenly feel her lips between my breasts. A jolt zaps straight to my loins. "No fair!" She flings my top away and catalogues her prize.

"You are perfect." I could debate that, but I thank her.

"My turn?" She nods and rotates, permitting me to untie the halter and release her full breasts. They are even more flawless than in my fertile imagination. I want to touch them, devour them, but there is time for that later. I unclasp her belt and her skirt falls to the ground. As I tug her underwear past her shapely hips, I am ogling her most private region. She exudes animal attraction. I swallow and will myself not to take her right there on the living room floor. It's very tempting, but I manage to restrain myself. I am mesmerized by her exposed svelte figure. "You're stunning, Gabrielle."

"Thank you."

I put the song on again. As soon as the music begins, she squeezes me to her and we both gasp as our bodies rendezvous for the first time without the constraint of clothes. My hands work under their own power, exploring her shoulders and caressing her muscular back. Her hands are doing the same to me. Her feathery touch is thrilling me beyond belief. We are still swaying to the music, although I think neither of us hears it anymore. I can feel her nipples harden against mine and the pleasure is practically painful. I move my leg between hers and am startled both by her wetness and her groan. Our desire-darkened eyes meet and our lips collide. No cautious kiss this - both tongues hurriedly probe and delve, leaving no part of either mouth unexamined. Abruptly, powerful hands clutch my buttocks to her athletic thigh. I moan.

"I can't take anymore of this." I see the agreement in her eyes, quickly snuff out the candles and we hustle into the bedroom. Two overcharged bodies tumble into bed;

one just beginning to understand and act on her yearnings, the other finally realizing her fantasies.

For one fleeting second I wonder if the sheets are clean. Then I focus wholly on the amazing woman in my arms. I don't want to rush our debut, but it's nearly impossible to slow down, so impatient am I to possess this enchanting cutie. Exercising astonishing will power, I wrench my lips from Gabrielle's lovely mouth.


"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Positively. It's what I'm here for, and I couldn't stop now even if I wanted to. (Before I can ask.) Which I don't."

She reaches for me and showers me with kisses. As her tongue twists with mine, I lose every doubt with respect to what we're doing. I nudge Gabrielle to her back and lay on her. I hear her quick intake of breath.

"Am I too heavy?" I shift my weight onto my arms. Gabrielle laughs.

"Are you kidding? There's hardly anything to you. Not that that's bad. I mean… You're just right."

"It's OK. I know what you mean."

"I like having you here." She hoists me onto her and we share an intimate kiss. I relish the sensation of the length of our bodies together. Soon my mouth wants to inspect other parts of Gabrielle. I abandon her tongue to trail kisses across her silky cheek and down her voluptuous neck, pausing to lick her pulse point. She murmurs contentedly. My hands are roaming over her chest and my thigh can feel her dampness. I fondle her breasts. My favorite thing! She has such perky ones. My fingers subtly and slowly sketch the contours of both globes. Then I shorten the loop, tracing her now erect nipples. I'm taking my time because I know how much I live for this type of foreplay. I reckon Gabrielle enjoys it by the sounds she's making. I blow on each nipple, causing her to tremble.

"Do you like this, Gabrielle?"

"By the Gods, yes."

"How about this?" I barely skim one nipple with my tongue. Gabrielle purrs gutturally. "Is that a yes?" I swish my tongue back and forth across her nipple. She growls. Finally, I fit as much of her breast as I can into my mouth and suck greedily.

"By the Gods!"

"Guess you do like it." Not wanting her other breast to feel neglected, I lavish my attentions on it for a few minutes. Gabrielle emits encouraging noises. Eventually I tire of worshipping her scrumptious gifts and I embark on my descent. Once more my fingers do the walking, surveying every inch of those fabulous abs that I have so longed to touch. "You have the most enticing, tantalizing, alluring stomach in the world!"

"Thanks." Her hands haven't been idle, either. They've been playing my back like an instrument and now she kneads my derriere. "You have a great ass."

"Why, thank you." I run my tongue over her entire steel solar plexus, causing her to squirm in anticipation. As my tongue treks lower, I sense an urgency in her. She raises her pelvis to greet me. I introduce myself to her steamy blond jungle. Her flavor intoxicates me. I identify her sensitive nub and circle it with my tongue.

"Oh, Gods."

I flick my tongue across her and she jerks each time. I can't quit lapping her dripping elixir and when I suck her clit, Gabrielle cries out and drops in a heap of twitching nerve endings. I fold her into my arms and nuzzle her neck. "Had enough?"

"I could never get enough of this," Gabrielle says when she can speak. I smile and kiss her softy on those satin lips. "This is all part of my education, you know."

"Oh. Well, far be it for me to stand in the way of education." I earnestly regard her dazzling face and graze my palm across her downy cheek. "You are so incredibly beautiful. Your name fits you perfectly. Gabrielle," I whisper. "Sounds like an angel. And you are." She's embarrassed.

"Thank you, but I'm no angel." She grasps my shoulders, flipping us, and instantly she is on top of me.


"Didn't expect that, huh?"


"And this?" I hardly have time to think as she grinds her pelvis into mine and smothers my mouth with hers, plunging in her thick, insistent tongue. Said tongue is on a search and destroy mission. It searches every corner of my mouth and destroys any semblance of control I had. Our hips move together of their own accord. Our hands are everywhere on our bodies. We withdraw from our ardent kiss to catch our breath.

"Wow," I say again.

"Is that all you can say?" she whispers in my ear and I shiver. She nibbles my earlobe, and another tremor hits me. "What would you like me to do?" As an answer, I grip her head in my hands and guide her lips to my breast. She places chaste kisses on each breast, never quite touching my nipples. I whine in anticipation. She replaces her lips with her fingers. Gabrielle is straddling my stomach and the vapor rising from our pulsing centers is almost visible. I need her mouth on me, so I remove her hands and lick my lips. Interpreting my gesture, she lowers her face to my bosom and latches onto my nipple.

"Oh, Gods," I say, inadvertently mimicking her language mannerisms and not even realizing it. She smiles into me and her tongue does laps around my breast and nipple. I feel faint at the exquisite ecstasy she's giving me. Now she alternates between breasts - nipping, sucking, licking - driving me into a frenzy. As she continues to make breakfast out of my breasts, she lays her hand gracefully on my abs. Gabrielle tentatively inserts one finger into my opening to test the waters, which are plentiful. "Yes," I rasp. She suspends her upper assault to observe me with intense passion.

"I want to taste you." I have no objection. What idiot would? She kisses my mouth one last time before heading down to my other lips. I am so ready, I know it won't be long before she propels me over the edge. Her tongue parts my folds, and she strokes the length of me. I whimper. I had forgotten what a mind-numbing feeling this is. I am lost in the motions of her tongue - floating. One of my last conscious notions is that either I or some other lucky person Gabrielle time traveled to must be a successful teacher because she knows precisely what she's doing. She's learned a lot of love lessons already. A single pull on my throbbing button does it. I scream her name. I see vivid stars behind my sealed shut eyes and am catapulted into a shattering orgasm that at last releases years of pent-up sexual frustration. Overcome with blinding emotion, I burst into tears. Poor Gabrielle is totally confused and scared. She brings her face to mine. "What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"No," I strive to verbalize. "No. I just…Please hold me." That's all I can get out before another sob steals my voice. Gabrielle gathers me in her arms and rocks me, saying sweet nothings, comforting me with her words and actions. We stay that way until I am quiet. She wipes my tears while I attempt to explain what happened. "You did everything right." I clasp her hand. "You took me to a place I hadn't been to in years, and it was so awesome, so moving that I couldn't keep it in."

"So those were tears of joy?"

"Partly. And partly I was sad because I hadn't seen that place in so long and I had missed it."

"I think I understand."

"Thank you, sweet Gabrielle."

"You're welcome." I kiss her hand and affectionately press it to my face. "What are you thinking?"

"How long can you stay?" I could get accustomed to this awfully easily.

"I never know. Aphrodite ships me back whenever she's convinced I've picked up all the knowledge I can."

"I wish you could stay forever." She laughs.

"You couldn't even leave the house!"

"I don't care." I sigh sharply. "I envy your relationship with Xena. Your utter devotion to each other. How your love transcends everything."

"Xena and I are soulmates," Gabrielle states simply.

"I know. I only wish I could be certain that I have one."

"I truly believe that everyone has a soulmate. You must have faith."

"I hope you're right."

"Trust me."

"I do." We settle into a well-deserved nap. My snooze is exceptionally peaceful and for once not tortured by endless longing.

When my eyes open, I expect to be embracing my pillow as usual, but instead I am spooning a living body. When I remember who it is, I get all warm and fuzzy. The weight of her baby smooth behind tight against my abdomen and my arms cradling her breasts immediately turns me on. I inhale her distinct aroma and lightly kiss the nape of Gabrielle's neck. She swivels in my enveloping arms to face me. She parts her lips and I glide my tongue in, leisurely touring her mouth. She responds and slips her tongue into my waiting mouth and they frolic energetically. Gabrielle ends the kiss, rolling onto her back. I can't distinguish if she's awake or not.

I watch this wondrous creature, still not persuaded that any of this is real. My eyes traverse her sleek body, taking in her tousled hair, angelic face, defined arms, supple breasts, concave tummy, wiry thatch, strong yet gentle hands, taut butt, sculpted thighs and calves, and small, sturdy feet. She is a vision. I rest my hand on her belly. She stretches lazily, with her arms over her head and her toes pointed. Seeing her lying there nude, seemingly offering herself to me, I am engulfed in a wave of lustful hunger and I have to have her. My fingers dance over each body part I scanned earlier, taking special notice of her midsection. Gabrielle's torso fascinates me. I am engrossed in my subject and vow to ignore another presence on the bed. The writer beneath me won't permit it.

"There's something else here with us," she whispers.

"I know. It's my cat." I want to proceed with my project, but Gabrielle is more interested in my feline companion. The nerve of her!

"I didn't know you had a cat! Here, kitty." She captures my cat and pets her. "What's its name?"

"Gaby." Here we go.

"You named your cat after me? How sweet!"

"Yeah." I don't have the heart to tell her that my cat couldn't possibly be her namesake since that cat is nine years old and 'Xena' has only been on for five years. So I let the white lie stand. Gaby is, in fact, named after Argentinean bronze tennis goddess Gabriela Sabatini. Which brings up another pet peeve of mine. Whenever anyone refers to Gabrielle by that nickname, they spell it Gabby. Why? There is only one 'b' in Gabrielle. Besides, I would never call her that. It seems degrading or demeaning. Less somehow. Only nincompoops such as Joxer and Lila employ that abbreviated version. Now there's a couple that belongs together. You never hear Xena shortening Gabrielle's name, do you? OK. Off my soapbox. "Gaby is a good cat, but now I have to feed her or she won't grant us a moment's peace. The vet has her on a diet and she doesn't appreciate it."

"What's a die yet?"

"Believe me, you don't want to know. And you don't need to." I poke her in the gut, get out of bed and Gaby follows me, meowing indignantly.

"What's a vette?"

"It's a healer for animals."

"What a commendable concept!"

"Yes, it is. Except this particular concept is keeping me up at night." I dash into the kitchen, pour the sparse morsels of food Gaby is allowed into her dish, and speed back into the bedroom. So anxious am I to be near my quantum leaping lover that when I am within vaulting distance of the bed, I launch myself at it, landing on all fours hovering above Gabrielle. She squeals in delight. "Now, where were we when we were so rudely interrupted?"

"Right here." She claims my lips in a blazing kiss. My craving for her returns at once.

"Turn over," I command. She complies without question. I sit on her rump and vigorously rub her shoulders, jamming my thumbs emphatically into her corded muscles.

"Gods, that feels good."

"So does this." I spread my legs wider, lifting up and down. Each time my sex touches her, I get more excited. Suddenly, Gabrielle arches her limber back, reaching behind to shove me more firmly onto her rear. "Ung," I grunt. I am getting increasingly soaked. She seizes my hand and forces it to her breast. I cup her pert mounds and rake my nails over her protruding nipples.

"Gods!" She tilts towards me, flattening her hands to my posterior cheeks so that I am in constant contact with her fanny. This duo is becoming very aroused and quite vociferous. I come up with a recklessly racy scheme and inform her. She's game and in a twinkling, our legs are entwined, resembling two pairs of scissors with our groins uniting. Again and again we thrust our aching cores together. "By the Gods! I've never felt anything like this," Gabrielle stammers.

"I know. Me neither."

Repeatedly we crush crotches, smashing faster and harder to feed our burning fever. Nothing matters except fulfilling our mutual need. Our bodies become slick with sweat and our own juices. We spiral into orbit, erupt into climax simultaneously and escape to rapturous oblivion as one, generating a raucous commotion throughout the voyage. I collapse on Gabrielle and burrow my head onto her still heaving bosom. The pungent fragrance of our activities permeates the air.

"That was absolutely unbelievable," Gabrielle pants.

"For me, too." She lifts my chin to search my face.

"I love you."

I can't help it. Wetness leaks from my eyes and I croak, "I love you, too, Gabrielle." She is so precious to me. She erases the salty rivulets with her velvet lips and cuddles me, stroking my hair. I drape my arm just beneath her breasts. I am reminded of a similar scene from 'Been There, Done That' right after Joxer's funeral. Except Xena and Gabrielle were fully attired, even though most of us wished they weren't, especially when Gabrielle's hand was right there on Xena where mine is on Gabrielle. We drift off to sleep, the darling bard holding my hand.

As soon as wake up, I sling my arm across the bed seeking Gabrielle, but don't locate her. A slew of swear words spew from my mouth as I realize that it indeed was just a cruel dream. My eyes form puddles. I hate when I have dreams like that! I was feeling so blissfully happy, so cherished, basking in the afterglow and then BAM! Joke's on me. None of it ever happened. I am filled with fury, sorrow, and bitter disappointment. What a tremendous downer! Just then I am aware of a foreign object on my arm. I raise that limb up and there adorning my bicep winds a delicate band that is an exact replica of the ones Gabrielle wears. Smiling through my tears, I finger it reverently and whisper, "Thank you, Aphrodite."




P.S. I don't actually own a talking Xena standup, so if I didn't demonstrate her mechanics properly, have mercy on me.


The words to Walter Murphy's 'Just a Love Song' are listed below for your reference.

Here we go again and words are hard to find.
But I guess that never was my style.
All I have to offer is my song
So I'll play it well, 'cause it's all for you.
It's just a love song
And I will sing it all for you.
Just a love song
A simple melody for two
But to me it sounds just like a symphony
And when the words have come and gone
My love will linger on
For You.
Hope you'll understand how much you mean to me.
All the ways you've brought me happiness.
Just to say it isn't fine enough
So I'll play it well, and I hope you'll see.
It's just a love song
And I will sing it all for you.
Just a love song.
A simple melody for two.
But to me it sounds just like a symphony.
Just a love song.
Just a love song
For You.
It's not easy for me, baby.
I know it's hard to understand.
I get that feeling every time I try to say
I love you.
All the feelings I have locked inside my soul.
All the magic you bring out in me.
You're my inspiration, my every dream.
So listen well, and I think you'll know.
It's just a love song
And I will sing it all for you.
Just a love song.
A simple melody for two.
But to me it sounds just like a symphony
And when the words have come and gone
My love will linger on
For You.
Just a love song.
Just a love song
For You.


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