The Queen's Secret Loves
by: de Bonheur

Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle et. al. belong to MCA/Universal, and are used without intent for commercial profits. The author's copyright does not extend to said characters.
Notice: The author retains all rights automatically attached to the creation of this work.
Warnings: This is a work of alternative fan fiction and may be offensive to some readers.
Author's Note: Must have been too cold for religious rites during the month of Poseidon - didn't have any choice here. "Haloa" was a festival in honour of Demeter and Dionysus, where married women were encouraged to take secret lovers.

And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's
Than this for whom we render'd up this woe.
- W. Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, Act 5, Scene 3

The Warrior Princess clenched her teeth as she sat in the crowded dining hall with Solari on her right, and an unknown Amazon on her left. It was a good thing that the wine goblet was made of metal, had it been wood, it would have shattered as the dark warrior recalled the past few days...

That Winter had been severe. Raiders and villagers alike decided to hibernate. Saving the world not then an urgent matter, Xena and Gabrielle decided to spend some quiet time alone.

They were on their way to the mountains, where deep snow had accumulated. The ex-warlord was going to show her bard one of her most favourite hideouts: a secret cavern with an underground spring. Alas, before reaching their private Elysium, Solari, Eponin and an entire envoy of Amazons found them.

At first they were worried that something had happened to Ephiny. (And something just might, the Warrior Princess silently promised.) As it turned out, the Central tribe was to have a coronation, and the Regent thought it more appropriate for Gabrielle to attend.

So, here they were, near Athens. First they celebrated the crowning of the new queen, and then they had to stay for the pruning of the vines and tasting of the newly fermented wine.
While everyone knew Gabrielle the Bard travelled with the Warrior Princess and they could do whatever they want, Gabrielle the Queen was bound by rules and protocols.

Those same rules and protocols had condemned the warrior to her own hut. And Xena was beginning to ponder if Tartarus would not be more preferable; at least it would be warmer.

However, at the moment, the Warrior Princess' blood was practically boiling.

The Amazons had not been exactly subtle about their fascination with and attraction to the fair visiting queen. And at the moment, a young, beautiful warrior was brazenly flirting with HER Bard, and grinning wolfishly.

Violet eyes, straight dark hair, she almost reminded Xena of herself when she was that age... The aggressive, what-I-want-I-take-warlord-age...

Before the Warrior Princess could yield to the urge to pounce over and pulverize the offender, her tablemate's hand on her thigh froze her to the spot. Surely no one would be brave (or stupid) enough to touch the Mighty Ex-Warlord uninvited. Xena hoped she was dreaming. Unfortunately she was not even drunk.

"Gods, Xena, she sure is luscious, isn't she?" The Amazon wiggled her finger at Gabrielle suggestively.

The Warrior Princess seriously wondered how badly her bard would mind if she declared war on this tribe.

"Oh, but I think you're much sexier. I don't know why, but every damn time I look at you my stomach feels funny," the blonde warrior confessed hoarsely.

"It must be the food," Solari spoke up before Xena could say or, more importantly, do anything.

"I DO hope I get my turn tonight." The Amazon persisted.

"Your turn at what?" Xena and Solari asked in tandem.

"You mean you don't know?"

. . . . . . .

"I swear, My Majesty, I didn't know!" Solari croaked, rubbing her still red throat.

"Calm down, Gabrielle," Eponin pleaded.

"How am I supposed to calm down, Eponin? HUH?!" Fumed the pacing Queen.

The Warrior Princess tried to soothe her own temper by visualizing wringing the other queen's neck, and plucking the feathers off her mask and cape.

"I know our tribe has strange customs, but this is outrageous even by our standards," the dark Amazon offered.

"Yeah, really, requiring the celebrants to entertain secret lovers, even the queens?" Her comrade felt obliged to agree.

"ESPECIALLY the queens, Eponin!"

"Hey, Love, calm down; it's ok..."

The Amazon Queen swung around. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S OKAY? And YOU, don't think I didn't see that bimbo drooling all over you at the table!"

Her own rage no longer an exigency, nor was the pain of finger punctuating fury at her chest, Xena gathered her frustrated and agitated partner in her arms. "It IS going to be okay, my bard," reassured the Warrior Princess.

"Yeah, Gabrielle, we're going to figure something out," the two warriors hastily added, compelled by ice blue daggers.

Soft kisses on her head and gentle familiar hands stroking her back had miraculous calming effect on the bard. Until the intensity of the kisses and caresses changed...

Simultaneous, hesitant Amazon throat-clearing interrupted the pair.


The Warrior Princess just coolly reminisced the "chakramed" rooster, and relinquished her mind to sadistic fantasies.

. . . . . . .

Young beautiful Amazons danced around the circle of bonfire. The orange flames fluttered in the wind, illuminating every curve and muscle, creating a mesmerizing vision. Eponin secretly wondered if her Queen or Regent would go for the idea of having those costumes for their own dancers, while Solari's teeth chattered in sympathy at the naked writhing bodies.

The new wine was good, smooth and not too sweet, even the Warrior Princess had to admit. Sundown could not have been more than a candle mark ago, but most of the Amazons were already showing signs of inebriation.

Xena lost herself in rapt contemplation of her bard sitting next to their host. Donning a rich russet suede sheath and beaded cape which accented the honey gold of her hair and the faint flush of her cheeks, the fair queen was beautiful.

She remembered the sensual kisses they shared; the softness of the crimson lips; the heat of her sweet breath; and the incredible sensitivity of insistent tongues as they probed and twined together...

She imagined the tender hollow at the base of delectable throat exposed to her inquiring mouth as fair head fell back in total abandon; the firm globes trembling in agony of delight as her fingers gently twist swollen buds; and limber golden legs wrapping around her waist as she burrowed deep and slow into wet passion...

And envisaged the bard squirming and hollering in intense pleasure as they made love to each other up one side of the altar and down another, in bed and on the floor.

Dark brows furrowed when the Warrior Princess realised many around her shared her thoughts. Before she had time to rein in her dismay, the priestess approached the dais and motioned for the two queens to follow her. Gabrielle casted worried and helpless glances at the warrior as she was being led away.

The Mighty Xena had her own problems. The Amazon who sat beside her over breakfast that morning approached carrying a tray of pudenda shaped cakes, a pitcher of wine, and a leer so lascivious that even the former warlord cringed.

As the blonde wobbled closer, the dark warrior's clear blue orbs swept appreciatively over the tall trim form. Then she realised it would be much easier and much more fun than she had expected.

Xena stood up, wrapped her long arm around the blonde Amazon's waist and invited Solari and Eponin to follow them with a feral grin of her own. The quartet left a sea of disappointed but still hopeful faces behind.

. . . . . . .

Inside the temple, the waiting attendants disrobed their queen and her honoured guest. Together they made offerings to Demeter and Dionysus for the coming Spring and harvest. Then they were led down a darkened hallway.

Perhaps her host had informed the priestess of the bard's startled response when that afternoon she was told what was expected of her. Or maybe it was another one of their customs. In any case, Gabrielle secretly sighed in relief when she was directed to a separate chamber. She knew she was not expected to "entertain" the other queen; however, unlike the other ceremonial area, hers had a curtain over the door.

Inside the chamber, Gabrielle found a scented bath already drawn. Gratefully, she sank into the hot water. She wondered if people would leave her alone if she just fell asleep in there, or if she turned pruney.

The bard was not that concerned really, at least not about her own honour. Her warrior said she would figured something out, and she trusted Xena to always come through. Besides, Gabrielle was certain that, regardless, the Warrior Princess would kill anyone who dared to compromise Her Bard. She was merely hoping against any bloodletting.

On the other hand, if any Amazon bimbo dared lay a finger on her warrior... Well, one ought to know that even Hades had no fury like a bard enraged, especially one as resourceful as Gabrielle.

. . . . . . .

Meanwhile, back in Xena's hut, a dark warrior worked at divesting a very intoxicated and exceedingly ardent blonde Amazon of her clothing. Her warrior control toiled overtime; and despite years of training, she succumbed to the bold advances.

. . . . . . .

Shortly after the Bard Queen finished her bath, the first celebrant arrived...

As required by protocol, she removed the ceremonial mask the Amazon was wearing. Very gingerly.

"Thank the gods, it's just you!"

"What do you mean it's just me? You know? Gabrielle, there's nothing to prevent me from seducing you. It IS part of the ritual."

Gabrielle just raised her eyebrow in a most familiar way, crossed her arms, and smirked.

"Oh yeah, that," Eponin observed. "Anyway, I'm just here so you would have to deal with one less lecherous Amazon; and I also have a message for you."

The young queen smiled, and led her friend to the only flat surface, save the altar, in the room: the padded mat on the floor. They settled down, each sipped from her mug of wine and tasted the assorted sweet cakes.

"So, Gabrielle, did you like the dancers' costumes? Think we could use them in our ceremonies back home?"

. . . . . . .

Soon after Eponin left, another masked warrior was announced and received.

The priestess was pleased when instead of friendly giggles and joyous laughter, deep guttural sounds of passion wafted from the room.

. . . . . . .

In the meantime, an enthusiastic warrior, unnoticed by the priestess and her attendants, intercepted and lured away most of those who headed toward her queen's direction with promises of ecstacy at another even more tempting location.

. . . . . . .

When the sixth or seventh celebrant stood awaiting to be admitted to the ceremonial chamber, the priestess began to wonder about the attraction the tall dark warrior type seemed to feel toward the visiting queen.

This one was particularly desirable. Unlike the previous ones who wore their hair braided one way or another or hidden under headdresses, this warrior had long raven hair which flowed boldly against broad back, expressive lips and fierce ocean blue eyes which the woman found herself drowning in. The priestess hoped to find out for herself after the festivities who it was.

Anyhow, she had very little time to ponder or dream as the no longer bashful or hesitant queen practically yanked the expectant suitor into the room.

The priestess was soon deprived of rational thought and was blushing hotly when the young queen's hysterical screams breached the privacy screen.

. . . . . . .

The next morning, a positively glowing Gabrielle escorted by a beaming Eponin waltzed into the almost empty dining area. A calm-and-composed-as-usual Warrior Princess joined them shortly afterwards. Then the trio were met by a sore but ecstatically happy Solari. The friends chatted as if nothing unusual had happened.

. . . . . . .

Later that day, a dozen or so Amazons awoke to find themselves in Xena's hut. Their clothes and masks have been neatly stacked on the table, next to a pitcher of something with a note indicating the drink's ability to alleviate hangover.

None would have guessed there was a sensitive and empathetic side to the dark warrior. Now, if they could only remember what happened the night before...

. . . . . . .

Apparently, nothing was sacred in this Amazon village; and whoever thought priestesses and queens were discreet, they were dead wrong.

The curious thing was that unlike other times when a visiting royalty participated in the ritual, everyone kept mum. Despite a fair amount of prodding and even some threats, nobody ever found out which warriors had the fortune to join the fair bard in delirium.


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