Xena, Gabby, Joxer and gang belong to MCA, yadda, yadda, yadda but
the story plot and stuff are MINE! No intentions of infringements of copyright
or whatsoever here. No dinars are made anyway, so don't sue me... I'm just a
poor inspiring writer kept alive only by kind readers comments.

This story is of Alt. kind, so you know what this means... if it icks
you out for any absurd reason, don't read it. Stories are for all but if this
doesn't suit you, go play with Mickey Mouse or something, you frigidal being.
And one more thing- BEWARE: JOXER CONTENT!!! Just thought I ought to add that
little disclaimer 'cos I don't want any of my readers to go into kinda shock
or seizure when they read about him later on in this story.

Keep all comments coming in at I look forward
to hearing from you, be it what you liked/ disliked or just to say HI to a
fellow obsessed Xenite! And also, if you've been reading my stories and feel
you should send a few bucks my way, that's fine too. <BG>

For Lynn, the CEO of my heart. :)
Amazon Moon Febuary 1999 C.

It was the 14th of the second month of the year, the eve of the
official "Jointed-Hearts" day (which is very similiar to our present Valentine's
Day) and all throughout Greece, in every town and city, everyone was busy with
their preparations.

Storeholders got ready to jack up the prices of flowers and gifts;
taverns were nearly fully booked for the next evening and everyone was busy
getting ready for the BIG day tomorrow. Well, almost everybody.

"Oh how I hate Jointed-Hearts Day," a lanky warrior mumbled sorrily
to himself as he trudged alone towards the bustling town of Timbias, where
a rowdy festival was going on, celebrating the festive eve.

Joxer sighed wearily as he produced a heart-shaped locket from his
pocket. It was supposed to be his gift to Gabrielle but he just had no
courage to approach her with it. He liked her alot, even though he knew she
prefered Xena for company. But he respected that. Xena was afterall, her best

It was a fine pretty little thing made of gold and it was expensive too.
It nearly cost him ever dinar but the ironic thing was, it had been with him
for almost months now. He just had no idea how to give the token of his love
to the talented bard. He would just probably suffer a nosebleed if he tried.

The would-be warrior puffed up his chest after replacing the precious
locket and headed quickly towards the nosy town before it got too dark. He would
save it for later. Maybe in a few more years.


"This place is great, Xena," the sunny blond bard grinned, doing a little
dance as they walked. "I just *so* love Jointed-Hearts Day festivals."

"You like *all* kinds of festivals, Gabrielle," the stoic woman warrior
gave a wry, amused smile at her companion as they walked side by side at the
festival at Timbias. It never held any special meaning to her really, but now
with her bard by her side, Xena felt the difference. And she liked it.

Gabrielle grinned then something caught her eye and she grabbed her
partner's arm. "Hey look, a gamestore! It looks easy, lets go try it."

Xena rolled her eyes but a smile betrayed her and she didn't resist
when the eager Amazon bard dragged her over to the row of stores. It looked
easy, just hurling a couple of balls over stacked bottles. If she was good,
she might even be able to get something for Gabrielle.


In a corner of the busy townsquare, the old travelling medicine woman,
Shamia got off her rickety old stool for a break. She placed her young assistant
Pookya incharge of the store before going for a leak. Their store was pretty
different from the rest; with herbs and potions and other interesting objects.

"Pookya," Shamia rose weakly, her dried prune-like body quivering with
old age as she walked out of the door. "Take over the shop. I need some rest."

"Sure thing, Shamia," Pookya promised earnestly as she watched the old
woman go to the back of their makeshift stall. Pookya was hardly twenty but she
felt like she had been with Shamia all her life. She had picked her up when she was
a small child, left abandoned in the wild. She had stuck with her since, and tried
learning Shamia's mythical trade. She wasn't very good at it but she sure tried.

"Wow," Joxer huffed as he stood in the townsquare, amidst the crowd. It
certainly was packed tonight. He wondered if he could find a room that night.
He caught sight of the row of gamestalls and grinned. He loved gamestalls. He had
always played at them but never won. But well, he had been close to winning anyway.

Joxer was just striding over when a familiar laughing blonde caught his
attention and he froze. It was Gabrielle. She seemed so happy. He blinked then
rubbed his eyes but there she was again, smiling and laughing like a happy child
of blessed sunshine, her long hair like Apollo's rays spilling down her face.

A group of people moved away and Joxer got a clearer view. He saw Xena
by her side, a proud grin on her face as she handed over her prized win of a
small stuffed toy horse to the petite bard. Gabrielle took it from her, her
brillant emerald green eyes shining and a brillant grin plastered on her cherubic
features. She reached over and placed an easy kiss on the warrior woman's cheek
before the two moved away.

He could have stood there, rooted to the ground until the the blue moon
came up or the stars fell and hit earth but a fat, burly man bumped into his
side as he tried squeezing past. Joxer snapped out of his dazed mode. Gabrielle
was here. With Xena. He knew he stood no chance.

The dejected would-be warrior staggered on, past the row of crooked make-
shift stalls on the slightly quieter side of the town. He wished he could be like
Xena sometimes... well, most of the time. Like just now, when she hit all the
pins down with a single arm-throw. But most importantly, Joxer sighed deeply, his
pale hand thrusted inside his pocket, entwining around the locket meant for the
bard, was that Gabrielle would like him the way he adored her.

"Hey," a cheery voice shouted over to him. Joxer looked up from his slumped
position and saw a pretty young girl with hair so fair, it was almost white, spilling
down her tanned shoulders. She had a generous sprinkling of freckles on her nose
but she had a perfectly, charming smile. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Me?" Joxer asked her, jabbing a finger into his chest as his "hand-pounded"
armour creaked. He looked around him and saw nobody stopping. He turned back at the
girl and saw her smile and nod patiently.

"Yeah you," Pookya smiled from her stall. "Come over here."

Joxer wandered over, took the chair infront of the girl and removed his
helmet. He wondered why she wanted to speak to him. He wasn't very tall, or dark
or handsome or...

"My name is Pookya," the girl extended her hand and gave Joxer's a warm
squeeze. "What's yours?"

"Joxer," the lanky man said proudly, trying his best to sound and look
important. He puffed up his skinny chest and ran his fingers through his lank hair.
"They call me Joxer the Mighty."

"Joxer the Mighty?" Pookya smiled, her eyebrows raised like she was barely
trying to control her laughter. "Okay. So you're a warrior?"

"Of course I am!" Joxer announced, incredulous that she failed to recognize
his warrior garb. But he knew batter. He hardly fitted the typical warrior frame.
More like, the lack of it.

"Well Joxer," Pookya rested her chin on her balled fist as she studied the
man infront of her. "You don't look very happy. Something wrong?" No one was coming
into the stall at the moment so she wasn't exactly lofty on her job. Besides, she
was bored anyway. She had to talk and pruney Shamia was napping in the back.

"Well I-" Joxer flinched. He didn't realise a stranger could read so much
into him. Or that anyone else besides Gabrielle cared. "Yeah, I'm not very happy."

"Why?" the young assistant probed, egging him on.

"It's just my... love life," Joxer sighed as he shook his head. "I just
have no courage to tell this girl I like her and..."

Pookya's violet eyes gleamed and she suddenly pulled his hand. "I can help
you, Joxer. Really, I can."

Joxer frowned, unsure and suspicious. "How?"

Pookya smiled slowly, her pearly whites gleaming as she pulled him over to a
side of the dark stall where all the curious smelling jars lay. Her eyes sparkled as
she looked at him. "A love spell."


"You were fantastic, Xena," the Poteidian bard grinned as she hugged the
prize. They walked away from the gamestores to the food vendors. Nice smells filled
the air and both felt their stomach rumble. "Thanks for the horse."

"Not a problem Gabrielle," Xena smiled as they stopped by a stall selling
fish sticks. "It was just a lucky throw."

"I'm glad we can spend Jointed-Hearts Day tomorrow together," Gabrielle told
the warrior as they walked away, with the succulent snack in their hands. "It seems
like we never got to spend it properly, you know?"

Xena knew. Last year, Perdicas got killed and the year before... "Yeah, and
am I lucky to have you, Gabrielle."

"For me too," the bard said simply, but with meaning in her eyes. They both
shared a lingering gaze for a moment before realising they were in the middle of a
busy square.

"C'mon," Xena lead her on. "Let's go back to the tavern. It's getting late."


Joxer gulped as he watched Pookya mix liquid and chant spells. Things were
boiling crazily away but instead of heat, it gave the place a strong chill. He licked
his lips nervously. "Uh, Pookya? Is this safe?"

"I know what I'm doing!" Pookya declared, frowning in concentration. She
suddenly stuck a hand in his face. "Gimme something, a gift... a token of love or
something. Quick!"

He fumbled as he tried handing over the gold locket meant for Gabrielle. It
was so spooky, he wished Pookya would be done with it soon. It was dark and the sky
nearly pitch-black. The crowd was thing out too. And it felt abnormally chilly.

As he handed the locket over, his skin got caught on a catch and as Pookya
took it from him, it drew a bit of blood which stained a part of the heart-shaped
locket. Joxer sucked on his bleeding finger hurriedly.

Pookya hastly took the heart-shaped jewellery from him and dropped it into
the bubbling potion as she muttered some incarnation in another language. Once the
locket was dropped into the firecely bubbling liquid, everything disolved into thin
air in showers of brillant red sparks. Nothing was left inside the pot. Pookya looked
confused, like something had happened when it wasn't supposed to. She chewed on her
nail, worried that something could have gone wrong.

"Is it all done?" Joxer jumped out from his chair and peeked inside the
empty pot. "Is it gonna work? The spell?"

"Uh, yeah," Pookya said uncertainly. "I think... hope so."

"Great!" Joxer grinned, nearly splitting his clown-like face. "Now Gabby will
like me. She'll finally realise I was the man for her... all along." He wasn't all
that worried that the locket had disappeared without a trace. He got up to leave.
"How much do I owe you?"

"No, no," Pookya objected, waving her hands infront of her as she shook her
head violently. "Uhm, maybe you can come back tomorrow to pay us? It's late and we've
got to close..." She hurried him out and shut the door behind her. Something told her
the spell had gone wrong. She could feel it. Things weren't supposed to turn out like

Joxer wondered what that was all about but if she wanted payment tomorrow,
fine. He adjusted his helmet then waddled off, looking for a room in the nearby tavern.
As soon as she was certain Joxer had left, Pookya ran over to the collection of books
by the chest. She sat there and flipped through the guidebooks hurriedly. What did she
just conjure?


"We're lucky, there were only two rooms left." Xena told the bard as she shut
the door behind her. Gabrielle flopped herself unto the bed, still holding the stuffed
prize to her chest. The warrior princess strided over to the edge of the wide bed and
sat down, removing her boots. Gabrielle rolled over and to help her undo her metal

There was an uncomfortable silence, rare with Gabrielle around and that made
Xena uneasy. She stripped off her armour and laid it beside her boots, climbing into
bed. She turned to face a thoughtful bard. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about Joxer," the bard replied after awhile, her eyes
staring off into the distance, her arm behind her head.

Xena felt a strange affectionate feeling for the man rise from her stomach.
She tried brushing it off but it stayed. She suddenly felt a pang of jealousy and
frowned. "Why Joxer?"

"It's just that... he's such a thoughtful man, with a kind soul, a good heart,
warm brown eyes..." Gabrielle trailed dreamily, her mouth smiling in memory. "And his
hair feels so good when you run your hand through it and..."

Xena felt herself become hypnotised by the bard's smooth flow of words. Yes,
Joxer was a good man and wonderful lover. Wait, she widen her eyes. Now where did that
last thought come from? How could she ever...

"And his strong warrior hands feel so firm, so secure..." Gabrielle trailed on
lovingly, playing with her hair as she stared at the ceiling, as if picturing Joxer's
face there. "And those lips... and the fingers that play the lyre so well..."

"He's mine, Gabrielle!" Xena stood up suddenly, her face dark and determined.
"He's mine! Joxer's all mine!"

"No he is not!" Gabrielle shot up hotly, facing her bestfriend with a frown
on her face. "He's *mine*! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

The warrior princess leapt out of bed and circled her friend dangerously,
her blue eyes narrow and her teeth gritted and fists clentched. "You never liked
him, Gabrielle. You found him annoying. Give him to me."

"Oh no, Xena," Gabrielle smirked as she glared at the woman before her. "It
was *you* who minded him being around. He liked *me*! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! ME!"
Xena lunged over at her and the two began fighting.


Joxer went to the tavern keeper's counter and asked for a room. It was pretty
filled, he knew but at least he could try his luck. The keeper wasn't around but his
pretty young daughter attended to him.

"Ah hi," Joxer tucked his helmet under his arm, his floppy dark hair falling
over his face. "I was wondering if you guys have a room to spare? 'Cos I... really
wouldn't want to spend the night out in the streets."

"I'll make sure you'll spend the night here, stud muffin," the girl cooed,
smiling seductively over at Joxer. "If there isn't, I don't mind you sharing my room

Joxer gulped nervously, and felt nervousa raising in his throat as the girl
tempted to seduce him with her eyes and friendly fingers.

"Yes young man, may I help you?" the elderly wife of the tavern keeper came
over. She was a massive woman with scanty hair. She wiped her thick hands over her
apron and approached him.

"I'd like a room for the night, 'Mam," Joxer began, feeling like a schoolboy
in her shadow. "That is if you fellas have got room or I'll just..."

"Of course we've got room!" the lady declared, butting her daughter out of
the way as she smiled at Joxer. "We've got one upstair... go up, turn left, first
door you see."

"Mother, that's your bedroom!" the young missie hissed as she glared at her
mother. "You're not being fair."

"Just a joke of course," the lady chortled unconvincingly. "Second floor,
last room in right wing. That's the last available room."

"Thank you," Joxer said gratefully as he reached over to take the key from

her. Her fingers came in contact with his and entwined around them, refusing to let
go. Joxer swallowed and looked at the huge woman. He winced in pain as she damned
nearly crushed his fingers with hers. She smiled widely in return, her fat dough
cheeks puffing up.

"Mom!" the daughter intervined, brushing her lardy arm off. "He's mine!"

"No Sardie, your daddy and I are through. 'sides, I'm thinking of seeing
somebody new..." She realeased her hold and Joxer spluttered out, flexing his bruised
hand in agony. Taking the chance, Joxer dashed off, bounding up the stairs two at the


"Wait." Xena paused in the midst of their brawl. She pulled herself up and
sniffed the air, the features on her face intent. Gabrielle pushed her way out of the
tangle and frowned. "What?"

"Joxer," Xena grinned as she bolted towards the door. "He's here."

"Oh no you don't!" the bard hurled herself at Xena's ankles, bringing the
both of them down unto the floor. The fight started all over again.


Pookya fumed as she sat hunched over the thick books, trying to find out
why the spell went wrong. It was *not* supposed to evaporate. She had been searching
for the last hour but she couldn't find a thing... She suddenly felt a sudden spasm
when she thought of Joxer. She smiled. Such a lovely, heroic name... and he had that
trust worthy face of a good, loyal husband...

She gasped aloud when she saw a light blotch of red on her fingers. She
brought them closer and after sniffling it, she realised it was blood. Then she
realised what had gone wrong. And what had gone wrong had gone horridbly wrong!


"There you go!" Xena brushed her hands proudly and grinned at a furious
thrashing Gabrielle all tied up and gagged with the bed linen. She got up to
leave. "See if you can stop me."

The Amazon bard kicked furiously as the door slammed behind the warrior
woman. She struggled for a while before noticing Xena's weapons by the side. The
Warrior princess had been careless! Hah!

Gabrielle then bounded on her butt over to where Xena laid her weapons
and tried cutting away the linen which constricted her with the edge of Xena's


Joxer reached his door and quickly closed the door behind him. Was it
just him or did every female head turn to look at him as he climbed up the stairs?
He tucked his hands into his pockets as he paced the room. Something strange was
going on.

He felt a sudden draft in the room and realised the window was open. Funny.
He hadn't seen it open when he came in. He walked across the room to shut it before
sitting on the side of his bed. He felt something under the thin covers of his bed
move. He jumped a mile off the lumpy bed and gave a shriek as the bedcovers rose.

"Surprise!" Xena threw off the covers, grinning as she saw his horrified,
bewildered face. She slowly advanced towards him, a sly grin on her features
contrasting his quaking, pale frightened ones. "C'mon Joxer, you know how much
I want you..."

"Xena, please," Joxer squirmed as she pushed him forcfully against the
heavy wooden door, her face barely inches away from his. "Something's gone really
awfully wrong and-"

"Shh," The warrior placed a finger between his lips, silencing him. Her
blue eyes bored into his and Joxer stood there, not too much of being mesmerised
but he was terrified. what was with this town? Why were all the women coming on
to him? Normally he would've appreciated it but somehow having the warrior princess
lusting after you was not part of the plan.

"All right Xena," Joxer cleared his throat, cold sweat beaded on his
pale forehead as she ran her fingers through his hair. "You left me no choice...
right now I've got to do what a man's got to do."

"Oh please," the warrior woman begged.

"And that is, to run," Joxer had hardly finished his sentence when he was
out and running away from Xena. He had slipped past her. Joxer flew down the stairs
and was met by a whole group of swarming women, possibily all from the town. He
found Gabrielle there too, armed with her staff. They appeared to be fighting
over something. "Gabby?"

"Joxer!" the bard paused, delighted to see him. "Oh I loved you so much,
to think i was blind for so long, Joxer, I..."

"Joxer, marry me!" the tavern keeper's daughter wailed, throwing herself
at his feet. The rest of the women tore her away and flung her aside. He was their
man and they want him now.

"Sleep with me!" the tavern keeper's wife roared, thumping the heads of her
competitors with her heavy rolling pin.

Xena came down the stairs, her hair all awry and her face flushed. "Joxer's
mine and I'll kill anyone who touches him!"

The women started making a racket and fought within each other. Some used
their "many skills", others used staffs, most used their claws while some individuals
used heavy-duty rolling pins. Joxer took the opportunity to escape. Something in his
weak brain told him that he should fing Pookya about it. She'd know what to do.

"After him!" Xena roared when she realised Joxer was escaping. The horde of
women charged after him, desire and lust filling thir screaming voices.

"Pookya, open up," Joxer rapped at the door until his knuckles hurt. "Hurry!"
Pookya flung open the door and greeted Joxer with a breath-taking kiss, pulling him
inside as she latched the door. Joxer struggled but went in anyway, his eyes nearly
popping out of their sockets.

"You've come to the right place, Joxer," Pookya ran her hand against his
chest. He looked madly dashing infront of her and she had to have him...

"Listen Pookya," Joxer tried brushing away her hands but she ran her leg up
his. "The spell you did? It went wrong and now every chick in town's crazy 'bout me...
you've got to help me,"

The brunette ran her tongue against his ear. "As I said, you've come to
the right place."

"So you'll help me?" Joxer pleaded. He hoped the angry mob wouldn't find
him. They were armed women and all crazy enough to tear him into bits. Much
worst than any Amazon tribe.

"I will," Pookya whispered huskily into his damp ear. "After..."

"No Pookya," Joxer insisted. "This is important!"

She pulled away slowly, her gaze on him. She pouted briefly before reaching
over to the couldron and easing into a smile. "All right."

Joxer sighed in relief as she threw in various objects, bits of anatomy,
herbs, foul smelling liquids... as she chanted mysteriously. She had better
hurry, he could hear the mob approaching down the street.

Just then, Shamia came from behind and embraced Joxer. She then proceeded
to plant dry kisses on his face. That got Pookya mad and she abruptly stopped her
work and headed over to pull the old crone off. "Get off Shamia, he's my man!"

Joxer watched on nervously as the contents in the pot started to boil
and peculiar silvery smoke rose out from it. Shamia and Pookya were still in a
catfight and the old woman was surprisingly strong. Joxer rushed over to the
pot and glanced into it. "What do I do now?"

"Blood," Pookya commanded before Shamia clamped her hand over her mouth
and throat. There was no time for games now, the crowd was banging at the door.
Biting himself on his pinkie, Joxer winced as he squeezed a few drops from the small
cut into the boiling cauldron. Immediately the liquid fizzed up and a green flame
was seen. Then in a blink of an eye, the contents were gone. The crowd quitened
down and Shamia and Pookya ceased their brawl, looking confused. Joxer then slumped
down thankfully.


"Some night," Gabrielle mused to her partner as they both settled back into
their room. The spell was completely broken and everything was back to normal, just
in time for Jointed-Hearts Day in a few hours. "Imagine- a whole town of women going
wild for the affections of one man."

"Not just any man," Xena reminded as she climbed into bed. She made a face.

"Yes, Joxer," Gabrielle smiled before catching sight of the torn linen on
the floor. She picked them up. "Xena, what are we going to do with these?"

"They look pretty roughed up," the warrior princess commented. "Good job."

"They look totally ripped up by friction or something," the bard said as
she put them away, settling herself back into the comfy bed.

"That is so true," Xena grinned as she blew off the lights and made a lunge
in the darkness for her true love.


"Remind me never to do something like that again," Joxer muttered as he helped
Shamia and Pookya clear up the mess.

"Well it is Jointed-Hearts Day tomorrow," Pookya mused. "And you don't have a

"Well, yeah," Joxer shrugged as he picked up a piece of broken porceline.

"And I don't have one either..." Pookya kindly offered, feeling a bit sorry
for the poor guy. "So I was wondering if..."

"You mean as in you and me?" Joxer asked incredulously, his eyes huge.

"Ahuh." Pookya smiled. "For Jointed-Hearts Day tomorrow."

Joxer felt a huge grin spread on his face, stretching from ear to ear. "Sure."


The early morning sun finally made its way across the skies and the first rays
of Apollo's sunshine entered the room of two sleeping figures lying contentedly on the
bed. Gabrielle fluttered open her eyes and looked around the room. Daylight was getting
stronger. She looked up and saw Xena's peaceful looking features. She smiled and fluttered
her lashes against Xena's cheek. She loved the feeling of the warrior's strong arms around
her, providing warmth and security.

"Awake, Gabrielle?" Xena drawled lazily as she lifted an eyelid.

The bard grinned as she shifted a little in her position. She tweaked her
partner's nose playfully, her green eyes admiring light blue ones. "You faker."

Xena smiled as she ran her hands through tousled blonde locks. "I just love
holding you ...happy Jointed-Hearts Day, Gabrielle."

"You too, Xena," the Amazon bard whispered as she kissed her warrior tenderly.
"You too."



Happy Valentines, everybody! =) All comments to go to me at


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