How To Mend A Broken Heart
by Marion D Tuttle
Standard disclaimers: I don't own the characters depicted her but the story
is completely mine. That statement is probably truer of this piece I have
ever written before I hope you all enjoy it. This is a story of two women
that are deeply in love and what can happen when fear of peoples reactions
get in the way. If two women in love is an offensive thought to you , then
you are not going to want to read this, But if you are enlightened enough
to appreciate love in any form it may take then read on and enjoy
Loneliness settled into the soul of the dark woman that sat staring with
eyes that no longer saw clearly from being misted over with tears at cold
dead wood and ash that once was a warm, cheery fire. The remnants of the
campfire reminded her of what the remaining shreds of her heart must look
like. She sighed heavily, she had spent many years closely guarding the
gates to her heart never letting anyone in, if no one got close then no one
could hurt you, and then it had happened before she even had any idea what
was happening the little bard with the charming smile and a pure joy for
life had wormed her way into her heart. Leading her first into the greatest
love and then the greatest heart break of her life.
Xena thought back to the conversation that had forever changed her heart to
a useless block of ice. They had been traveling at a hard pace for days and
Xena could see the evident strain on her lovers features. It was obvious
that Gabrielle was tired but there seemed to be more on her mind there
seemed to be an almost visible tension in the young woman. The warrior
wanted to get to the bottom of what was causing the problems, but she
sensed that pushing at this point would be a mistake. Xena knew of a
campsite just a few minutes ahead she made the suggestion to Gabrielle that
they stop and make camp for the night and was met with an indifferent
They set up camp Xena's eye's following the bard's actions as she moved
around the campsite. Enough was enough Xena needed to get this out, the
indifference and apathy that had overcome her best friend was killing her
and she needed answers. Never one to beat around the bush the warrior
princess went straight for the subject that was uppermost in her mind.
"Gabrielle, please tell me what is wrong. and don't tell me nothing like
you have been all week because I know that some thing is."
the bard shifted uncomfortably she had known this was coming, she hated
what she was going to do but there was no other way around it. she sat down
slowly on the log next to Xena "I don't know where to start."
The warrior managed a weak smile "The beginning is usually a pretty good
Gabrielle fidgeted with her skirt she knew the words she was about to
speak were going to cause the warrior pain and she regretted that but there
was know help for it. She swallowed hard hoping for the strength to get
through this She looked into the expectant eyes of her lover "I have
decided to go back home Xena." There she had said it all in one breath she
rushed through it. The impact had not registered on Xena yet " If you want
to go home for a visit that's not a problem. We can leave in the morning...
We can change our plans if you feel this is something you need to do
"No Xena you don't understand, I am going alone, to stay..." The words
trailed off as tears started to roll down her cheeks "I'm sorry Xena I'm
going to leave right away... I think it's best." She got up and walked away
with out another word Xena ran to catch her. "Oh no you don't! There is no
way you are dropping a bomb like that on me and then just walking away
without an explanation!"
Gabrielle couldn't keep the sneer out of her voice "You mean like you
Xena felt are heart sink in her chest. "Please Gabrielle talk to me. tell
me what's wrong we can work through anything if you just tell me."
"There isn't any one thing Xena and it isn't you, you have taught me a
lot you bought me out into the world and opened my eyes to new experiences,
and I am grateful to you for that..."
"I don't want your graduated Gabrielle, I want your love."
"I'm sorry Xena I just can't give that to you, I know that hurt's and I'm
sorry. I thought you were what I wanted but I have come to realize that is
not true." She looked away so that Xena would not see the tears shining in
her eyes. She started to walk away again, this time the warrior princess
did not follow after her. She knew that her heart was forever shattered.
Her mind came back to the present it had been a week since Gabrielle had
walked out of her life and the pain in her heart still burned as if someone
had plunged a dagger into her. She had tried everything she could think of
she had rode hard and fast during the day, driving Argo to the point of
exhaustion. When she stopped at night see drove herself through endless
hours of sword drills, as though the practiced planned out movements could
take away her ability to feel the pain.
She moved and worked until her muscles screamed in protest, but still
sleep eluded her. She laid down and tried to sleep but every time she gave
in and closed her eyes she was haunted by the images of her Gabrielle ran
through her mind. But her pain was almost like a tangible thing that had
pervaded her body and would not let go of her. The warrior princess was not
usually a woman of words, action was more in her line of getting things
done but in this case she had to have answers, she made up her mind, she
was going to find Gabrielle and this time the bard was going to tell her
what was going on. If she was going to lose the light in her life, the
reason that her heart beat, she was at least going to know the reason why!
Gabrielle went about her daily chores, hoping the familiar activities
would help to dull the endless ache in her heart, leaving Xena had torn her
apart but in her shame she never told Xena the truth of her reasons, taking
the cowards way out she had led Xena to believe that this was her choice,
that she did not love her. Her mind had told her that if she had only told
Xena the truth the could have found a way to solve the problem. But she
couldn't bear to let Xena think her a coward. "Is it better she believe you
never really loved her?" her mind raged at her. She collapsed under the
strain of her thoughts, her mother finding her in the stable mumbling
incoherently. Hecuba did not know what troubled her daughter so, but her
instincts told her that whatever demons Gabrielle wrestled they were
somehow tied to Xena.
The warrior princess rode into town a look of deep fatigue itched across
her features. The dark circles under her eyes bespoke of her lack of sleep.
she scanned the village until her eyes came to rest on the object of her
search, the house of Gabrielle's parent's house. She dismounted Argo and
walked towards the house her normally confident erect gait more of a
slumped shuffle Gabrielle saw Xena moving towards the house every instinct
in her told her to run if she had to face Xena again she wasn't sure she
could get through it, she could not do this but there was something about
the disheveled appearance of the once proud warrior that tore at her heart.
Xena caught sight of her and headed straight for her, once her eyes were
looked with those azure blue eyes that had seen too much in life all
thoughts of running fled Gabrielle's mind, she was as helpless to move as
if she were held in place by iron bands. Two hearts hammered so loudly in
their chests they were sure that the sound could be heard for miles around.
Gabrielle's voice failed her and Xena was the first to speak. "Gabrielle I
came here to get answers and I am not leaving without them, if you can look
me in the eye and say that you don't love me any more then I will leave and
never look back, but I want to know why. Was it something I did?"
The bards throat felt like it was being choked closed "You did nothing
wrong Xena, it's me, it's all me."
Xena could see that Gabrielle was struggling with her emotions "Just tell
me what is wrong, I can see this is tearing you apart as badly as it is
me." She took hold of Gabrielle's arms and forced her to look into her eyes
"Tell me Gabrielle."
The damm of emotion broke inside of Gabrielle The tears started pouring
out like floodgates had been opened "Xena I can't..."
"Do you love me Gabrielle?"
The bard could do nothing but nod mutely, and at that small
conformation she felt herself being pulled into Xena's strong embrace "I
knew it!" she breathed into her hair
Gabrielle murmured against Xena's chest where the warrior was firmly
holding her "I can't do this out here Xena, I'll tell you everything but
can we go into the stable. I don't want to put on a show for the entire
village. The warrior knew what Gabrielle was going to say was crucial if
she was asking for privacy, Xena was usually the one that was concerned
with any public displays and the ramifications they could bring. "Lead the
way love, I'm right behind you."
The bard led Xena into the stables then reached around and bolted the
door to make sure that the would not be disturbed. Motioning to the pile of
hay in the corner Gabrielle said to her "Maybe we better sit down for
this." Xena felt the weight of what her lover was preparing to say She took
Gabrielle's hand and drew her down next to her on the hay. Still gently
holding her hand she said, her voice barely above a whisper "Tell me"
Gabrielle looked at the women who held her heart so completely she was a
fool to think that she could ever leave Xena. She began her explanation
praying to the Gods above that she could make the warrior understand.
"Xena I need you to understand something I told you this before but you
have to know none if this is your fault it is me okay?" taking a deep
breath she plunged ahead "Xena I do love you I always have that has never
changed, and I am so sorry I ever tried to make you think otherwise the
problem is my family. I have been afraid of the reaction I would get if I
told them about us. It as been on my mind for a long time now. I tried to
tell myself their reaction would not matter but the truth is it does, What
if I tell them Xena and they hate me."
The warrior felt tears spill down over her cheeks she tenderly drew
Gabrielle to her, is this what all this pain had been caused by Gabrielle's
fear of her parents rejection should they learn the true nature of their
relationship? "Gabrielle we don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't
want to." she said in between light kisses
"That's the problem Xena I do have to tell them if we are going to
continue to be together, and I know now that we are because my leaving you
was a huge mistake my life has no meaning without you. But we have to tell
them before the hear it form someone else, you know as well as I do news
about us travels faster sometimes then we do."
Xena nodded she knew what Gabrielle was saying was the truth if the said
nothing it would just be a matter of time before they heard it from some
traveler passing through the village or some other means. "Well then if it
has to be done then we will do it together, I will be right here beside
you. No matter what their reaction is I will be there for you."
The bard could not believe how supportive the warrior was being her heart
filled to overflowing. as she stood up beside Xena "Are you ready/" she
smiled up at the warrior, the first real smile Xena had seen from her in
"No time like the present."
The joined hands and walked back out into the bright sunshine Gabrielle's
parents had been standing in the yard staring towards the stables ever
since their daughter and Xena had entered the building waiting to her if
Gabrielle was going to need any assistance. They had not known what to
expect when the warrior princess had arrived, their eyes were automatically
drawn to both women's joined hands They had suspected that their daughters
relation ship with the warrior surpassed friendship but it looked now like
the where about to get confirmation of that. They braced themselves for the
news they were sure was forthcoming. They did not have long to wait, having
made the decision to tell her parents the truth she felt a pressing need to
get it out in the open as quickly as possible.
"Mother, Father I.. that is we have something to tell you, Xena and I..."
Seeing her child's obvious discomfort Hecuba cut her off "Gabrielle we
know, we have suspected for quite some time."
Shock registered on both the bard's and the warrior's faces. " How did
you know?" Gabrielle asked
Hecuba sniffed her answer "Do you think I know so little of my own child
that I can't tell by looking at her when she is in love?"
The next question was the one Gabrielle feared the answer to the most.
"How does that make you feel?"
Her heart was in her throat while she waited for an answer, bracing herself
for the explosion she was sure would come, the soft words almost shocked
"Gabrielle I will one lie and say this is what your Father and I would
have chosen for you if we had a choice," she looked quickly at Xena "No
"None taken" she replied
she continued on addressing Gabrielle again "But it would seem that we
do not have a choice in this, so as I see it we have two choices. We can be
stubborn old fools and turn our backs on you and live with the fact that
our lofty ideals cost us a daughter." The bard felt her stomach rising she
was going to be sick she held tightly to Xena for support. "Or we can
accept the fact that Xena is what you want, the person that you love and
that nothing that we or anybody else might say or do is ever going to
change that. I personally vote for number two. we may not understand the
choice you have made Gabrielle but you are and always will be our daughter
and your happiness is the most important thing in the world to us, and if
Xena is the person that can make you happy then that is good enough for
Gabrielle sagged against Xena in relief and Xena put her arm around the
bards back to offer additional support.
her heart swelling with pride at the strength it had taken her lover to
finally confront the situation. Her heart had been retrieved and repaired
and she sent out a silent thank you to the Gods for returning the light to
her life. The next exchange surprised both Xena and Gabrielle.
"Now that we have all this out in the open we would like you both to stay
for a couple of days and give us a chance to catch up with our daughter."
the request had come from Gabrielle's father, it was the first sound he had
uttered since this entire discussion had started.
Gabrielle looked to Xena who quietly nodded her acceptance, she had just
gotten the bard back and the obstacle that had been separating them had
been removed. If staying here for a few days and Letting Gabrielle
cementing her own mind her parent's acceptance she would gladly stay for as
long as it took.
"Of course Father we would be happy to stay." Gabrielle responded with a
"Well if we are having two more for dinner I suppose I should get
started." her Mother turned to her husband and said with a sly wink "Why
don't you come help me dear we can let Gabrielle and Xena get a little rest
it doesn't look either one has slept in days."
Xena turned to Gabrielle " Your Mother is right Why don't we go get
some...rest before dinner." her smile spoke volumes to the bard.
"Yeah, sounds good." was all she could say before she ducked her head to
hid the blush that was rapidly spreading across her face. They turned back
towards the stables both women noticing a sudden warming in the air.
Once inside the closed doors Xena wasted no time in pulling Gabrielle
into her arms and claiming her lips in a stirring kiss, she had meant for
it to be tender but it quickly turned into a seeking and demanding kiss
that was threatening to leave her completely senseless. Her heart leapt
with joy as Gabrielle returned her kiss with equal passion and feeling. She
was even a little surprised to feel herself being pulled down to her knees
and then pushed back until her back was against the straw on the floor with
Gabrielle laying on top of her. It was clear to Xena that Gabrielle planned
to have her way with her, not that she minded the only problem Xena was
having a this point was being torn between wanting to ravish Gabrielle, and
wanting to be ravished by her. Then the thought occurred to her why
couldn't she have both?
Somehow as if by magic while she had been lost in her musings Gabrielle
had removed her armor and lowered her leathers to her hips. Seeing the
silent question in her lover's eyes the warrior raised her hips allowing
the bard to pull her leathers and britches the rest of the way off.
Gabrielle started to lower herself back over Xena's naked body when strong
hands on her chest stopped her. Tugging at the laces that held the bards
top together "May I? You are wearing entirely too many clothes." In a
matter of moments she had released Gabrielle from the confines of her
shirt, her hands lingered for a moment on the lush breast that were
displayed before her. After allowing herself the luxury of running her
hands across the taunt flesh she trailed her finger tips down firm abdomen
muscles to the leather belt that held her wrap skirt in place. Undoing the
belt she let the strip of leather and the skirt to fall to the floor.
She was pleasantly surprised to find that Gabrielle had nothing on under
her skirt. Only when she had removed every stitch of clothing from her body
did she allow Gabriele to slowly fall forward into her arms. The bard
leaned down and claimed one of Xena's nipples with her lips while massaging
the other breast with a hand.
Her breath was caught in her throat, pressing her hand to the back of
Gabrielle's head to try and draw her closer she gasped "Oh Gabrielle that
feels so good." she felt the bards fingers trailing down her stomach
towards the dark curly patch of hair between Xena's legs. Her heart
hammered in her chest when her fingers made contact with the wetness that
was flooding from the warrior. "Your so wet Xena, you really did miss me
All Xena could do was whimper a response, she seemed to have lost the
power of speech. She nudged a leg between Gabrielle's thighs bending at the
knee so that she could apply pressure to the bard's sex. The first contact
drew a ragged moan from Gabrielle, she push two fingers into Xena and then
began rocking her hips in the same rhythm as her pumping hand
Xena was panting now her breathing had become so rapid "More" she begged
"Give me more Gabrielle." Her lover understood what was being asked of her.
she added another finger and then a forth, with one more thrust she had her
entire hand buried inside the warrior " By the Gods Xena I've never been
able to get this deep inside you before."
The warrior grunted with her effort to speak "I've never been this hot
for you before love."
Gabrielle inserted the tempo of her hips and her hand "Xena I am so ready
for you right now ... oh yes ...that's it love.... come with me Xena ...NOW
please." Both women reached their climax at exactly the same time, the
power of their orgasm leaving them shuddering in each others arms.
After their breathing had returned to normal Xena Kissed Gabrielle
lightly on the top of her head "Promise me Gabrielle that we will never let
fear or uncertainty come between us again."
The bard snuggled closer to the woman that had opened her eyes to the
world and that had so thoroughly captured her heart. "I promise Xena never
Sleep claimed both women now that the were complete in each others love
once again the were able to let their bodies fall into dreams that could do
nothing rival the reality of the love the shared.
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