Mud, Muck and Ecstasy
By Petra Piperno
Copyright 1999

The characters of Xena and Gabrielle in this work of fiction belong to MCA/Universal/Renaissance Pictures; they are merely being borrowed, however the other characters are mine. The story does depict some violence and a loving/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women. If this is illegal where you live, or if the idea bothers you, or you aren't of age, don't read it.

If you would like to send me feedback, here is my email address

I have also included commercial breaks for those of us who love to be interrupted in the most dramatic or inopportune moments during this extraordinary television show. Thanks to K for the idea, but the commercials are mine - I came up with them in the middle of the night when I should have been sleeping. Two bewildered cats can vouch for me.

Flashes of lightning punctuated the steady hum of the downpour as Xena stood at the mouth of the cave. The tall, dark woman was brooding as she peered out into the deluge. She hated delays when lives were at stake.

"It doesn't look like it will be letting up anytime soon," she called back to Gabrielle, who was working on getting a fire started. "We're not going to get there before nightfall."

The stranger who had come to ask for their aid sat quietly, staring at the floor of the cave. Gabrielle looked at him and could tell that he was losing hope.

"It will be alright," she tried to comfort him, "we'll start first thing in the morning for your village."
"My family may be dead by then. The warlord Andreas promised to return before nightfall to raze my village." The anguish in his voice was palpable. "I'm going back to them," he said as he got up and headed toward the cave entrance.

Xena blocked his path. "Tyrus, it's too dangerous right now. The path down this mountain is nearly a river. Besides, I can get there much faster on Argo if I'm not looking after you. Make sure he stays here, Gabrielle. The two of you can catch up in the morning or when the weather breaks."

Knowing that Xena had already made up her mind, all Gabrielle could do was lock eyes with her, transmitting a world of feelings, more than any words, between them. Xena mounted Argo who very reluctantly but obediently carried her charge into the downpour.

[Opening credits]
[Commercial break: Salmoneus' Fizzy Water, Cy's Used Chariots, Charon's Boat Rentals]

Peals of thunder rumbled out of the sky as Xena carefully rode Argo down the slippery path. With every crack of lightning, Argo flinched but remained controlled under Xena's capable guidance. They were both getting soaked to the bone, but Xena pressed on. After what seemed like a treacherous eternity, she finally spotted Tyrus' small village just through the trees, down in the valley.

Riding as fast as she dared, Xena headed toward the village. The rain was still coming down in buckets and the world was gray, but Xena could see the chaos as Andreas' men chased down men, women, and children, killing anyone within reach. Some of the villagers were fighting valiantly, but most were no match for the practiced warriors. She unsheathed her sword and headed into the foray.

Dismounting Argo, Xena attacked the first group of warriors in her path. Catching them by surprise, she dispatched them all in moments with a few well-directed thrusts of her sword. She ran on to two warriors who were beating a woman to a bloody pulp. The rain had made the ground into a huge mud pit, and Xena skidded into the two men, knocking them left and right, then leapt over the woman. One of them got up and immediately felt Xena's fist in his face. Thunder crashed as if on cue. The second man grabbed his dagger and hurled it at Xena, who ducked just in the knick of time. He then found Xena's dagger in his own chest and crumbled into a soggy heap.

Xena quickly retrieved her dagger and rushed on to the next group of five warriors who were pounding on a couple of the young men of the village. The conditions were getting worse and worse as the ground was torn up by all the activity and the driving rain. Again, Xena slid into the pack, rooster-tails of mud flying from her heels. Lightning exploded nearby. Xena had to concentrate on not losing her footing or her grip on her sword as she let her chakram fly, taking out one of Andreas' men she had spotted some distance off out of the corner of her eye about to skewer a terrified child.

Immediately afterwards, she was engaged in a fierce five-way battle. Andreas' warriors surrounded Xena and began attacking from all sides. 'Whack!' 'Clang!' 'Clash!' Swords flashed and flew in all directions as Xena blocked several blows while she quickly sized up the attackers. Two were excellent swordsmen so she directed her onslaught first at them while she defended against the three weaker fighters, keeping them at bay with kicks, punches, and a few well-timed swings of her sword. The two swordsmen were a handful, but Xena finally bested them as they, too, crashed to the ground for the last time. Seeing that they would be no match for Xena, the other three turned tail and ran.

"Cowards," Xena muttered under her breath, although she was relieved that she didn't have to deal with them. She wiped away drops of mud and blood mixed with rain from her face as she turned to survey the situation.

Just then, an enormous lightning bolt cracked very nearby followed almost immediately by a deafening roar of thunder. Instinctively, Xena flinched and was distracted for a fraction of an instant. She did not hear the men who had been quietly and systematically making their way towards her make their final move. Suddenly, eight of them were on her from behind, one of them managing to kick her sword out of her hand as two kicked her squarely in the back. She pitched forward into the slimy mud as they landed on her with all their might.

"Turn her around," the ninth man ordered as he unhooked his belt, "I don't want her drowned in the mud…yet."

Xena struggled furiously, but the slippery conditions made it impossible to overcome her strategically poor position. They managed to turn her around as two men held down each of her limbs. The rain washed away all the mud from Xena's face, but it could not erase the sneering scowl and the intense, disdainful gaze.

"Spread her legs," the ninth man barked. "You are about to feel the great Andreas between your thighs, whore!"

[Commercial break: Whips N'Chains, Leathers To Go, Ravenica's Secret, Cy's Used Chariots]

Andreas straddled Xena as the others held her down. He was preoccupied with leering at her heaving chest as he reached up under her leathers to tear away her undergarments. The four men holding Xena's arms let their eyes wander down so as not to miss the show. That was the opportunity she needed as she wrenched her arms free, popped her breast dagger from her bodice, retrieved it with one hand to slash Andreas where it counted, sending him howling and reeling off of her.

"And that was the great Xena between your thighs," Xena spat as she spun out of the hands of the other men holding her, seemingly all at once.

Scrambling to her feet, Xena lunged to pick up her sword that was lying in the mud a few feet away and turned to meet her opponents.

"Get her!!!" Andreas managed to order as he lay, doubled over and twisted with pain, but all he could see was his men flying left, right, and center with a vehement warrior princess as the eye of the hurricane.

As soon as she dispatched them, she bounded over to the still prone Andreas and pointed the tip of her sword at him. Licking the rain from her lips and cocking her head to one side, Xena stated coolly, "If you want the rest of your manhood left intact, call off this raid and don't ever return."

Andreas lowered his eyes and yielded. Slowly he stood up, called off the rest of his men, and they departed, soaked and beaten under Xena's watchful eyes. It was still raining, but the villagers began tending to the wounded and collecting the dead. A woman came running up to Xena.

"Thank you! Thank you so much for driving those men away. I knew you would come if my husband could find you."
"You must be Tyrus' wife," Xena guessed, correctly.
"Yes. My name is Rhia. Come, let's get out of the rain." She indicated for Xena to follow her. "Is Tyrus alright?"
"He's fine. I left him with my friend in a cave up in the mountains. The weather made getting here too treacherous for them on foot. They will come as soon as they can."

The gray world was becoming even darker as night fell. Lightning flashes and the rumblings of thunder could still be heard in the distance, and the rain let up to a steady drizzle. First retrieving her chakram from the chest of the man it was embedded in and whistling for Argo, Xena followed Rhia to her home but stopped before going in.

"I'm a mess," she said, looking down at her muddy boots and feeling the mud oozing under her clothes, especially along her back.
"You saved my life and my family's life, not to mention our village. Come in, please," Rhia went inside and hurriedly set about making a fire in the hearth.
Xena called after her, "Let me bed down Argo. Do you have somewhere where I might house her for the night?"
"We have a small stable in the back. You can take her there."

When she was done, Xena took a step into the house and saw two young girls, about four and six, peering out at her from a small, inside room, their eyes wide as saucers. Xena smiled and shrugged her shoulders at them, whereupon the little one smiled back.

"These are my daughters," Rhia explained as she put a cauldron of water on the fire, "Lenara and Aurelia. Girls, this is Xena. She saved our lives."
"Mommy," the little one spoke up, "she's all dirty."
"Lenara!" her mother snapped, slightly embarrassed, as Xena chuckled. "I'm working on that. You and your sister go get ready for bed." The two girls quickly skittered off.
"You can have our room to wash up in and sleep in tonight. You must be exhausted," Rhia opened the door to a larger room that had a bed and a large wooden washtub in it. "I'll go get some water to fill it," she motioned toward it.
"Thank you," Xena said as she carefully squished her way to the bedroom.

After lighting several candles, Rhia began filling up the tub as Xena unbuckled her armor. Then she found a chair and began working on getting her boots off.

"Let me help," Rhia knelt in front of her and tugged at the unwilling, drenched leather. Finally it gave way, revealing long, mud-streaked legs. Rhia started on the other boot. Her fingertips accidentally brushed against Xena's firm thigh and Xena thought she could see the woman blush momentarily. The second boot came off more quickly, and Rhia resumed filling the tub with hot water.

"I'll go put more water on and put the girls to bed," she said as she left the room.

Xena took off her leathers and the rest of her clothes and climbed into the steamy water. Her tense muscles began to relax, but her body ached for Gabrielle's touch. It wasn't likely that she and Tyrus would arrive before morning. So she closed her eyes and imagined Gabrielle's soft, yet strong hands along her body and her comforting, deep emerald eyes before her.

[Commercial break: Cy's Used Chariots, Candles and Things, Esther's Chicken Shack, Sword-Mart]

A light knock at the door interrupted her reverie. It was Rhia with the water and some washcloths. Xena hunched over with her elbows on her knees to stretch out her back. Rhia could see the mudstains on her upper back and marveled at the lean, muscular shoulders of the warrior princess. Carefully, she dumped the water into the washtub.

"Here, let me get your back," she almost whispered.

As Rhia washed away the tangible reminders of the battle, Xena again closed her eyes and tried to replace the memories of the fighting with thoughts of her gentle lover. She hoped that Gabrielle and Tyrus would arrive early in the morning.

"Are you missing you friend?" Rhia queried softly.
"Yes. I miss her a lot," came the tired answer.

Xena noted the tender, yet tentative touch that more than likely had been reserved for Rhia's husband until now. "I imagine you miss Tyrus, too."
"Very much," Rhia answered simply.

A bond of deep understanding was forming between the two very different women. Despite living vastly different lives, they had nothing to fear from each other, they merely complemented each other in the grand scheme of the universe. Their differences broadened the world around them, and their similarities strengthened it. It was as it should be.

"I'm done with your back. I guess I'll let you finish up in peace," Rhia headed for the door.
"Would you like anything to eat?" Rhia asked before she exited.
"No, I'm exhausted. I'll just clean up and go to bed."

Xena spent a little while longer in the tub, and then dried off. She noticed that Rhia had left a nightshirt for her on the bed, which she threw on and then fell into a fitful slumber. As usual after a bloody battle, her dreams were not restful, the adrenaline was still coursing through her veins, and Xena tossed and turned all night. There was no Gabrielle to wake up to and watch sleeping peacefully close by.

The sun was just rising when Xena heard the arrival of Tyrus and Gabrielle. Before Xena even had a chance to get out of bed, Gabrielle bounded in the door, threw her pack aside and rushed over to her, giving her a great, big bear hug.

"We got here as fast as we could," she exclaimed, slightly out of breath. "Are you alright?"
"Fine, now that you're here," Xena said as she pulled Gabrielle even closer.

Tyrus and Rhia appeared in the doorway. "Thank you again, Xena. Thank you for helping us," Tyrus began. "How can we ever repay you?"
"Maybe we could give them some time alone, my husband," Rhia smiled.
"Well, certainly," he said, looking a bit perplexed. "If that's what they want."
Xena smiled and arched an eyebrow, "That'll do."
"Come Tyrus, the girls are still asleep, but I'm sure you want to see them," Rhia said as she led her husband out of the room and closed the door behind them.

"I missed you last night, Gabrielle."
"Let me make it up to you," Gabrielle whispered in Xena's ear as she lifted off the nightshirt. Then she climbed up onto the bed while Xena unhooked her belt and skirt, and kissed her well-toned abs. Gabrielle undid her top and flung it across the room as she leaned down and planted her lips on Xena's, knocking them both down onto the bed which responded with a loud creak.

"Maybe it would be safer on the floor," muttered Xena as she took a breath.

Gabrielle quickly grabbed a blanket out of her pack and threw it on the ground next to a chair. For a moment, the two of them stood with desire welling up in their hearts and between their thighs. Xena grabbed the back of Gabrielle's head and pulled it towards her. They kissed again, with lips parted, tongues dancing.

[Commercial break: Warlord's Fashion Warehouse, Cy's Used Chariots, Nectarade]

Running her hands along Xena's back, down to her firm butt then back up along her sides, Gabrielle reveled in the passion and the sparks that existed between them at that moment. Her knees weakening, Xena sat down on the chair. Gabrielle straddled Xena's thighs as Xena began massaging Gabrielle's soft, supple breasts. Low moans escaped both their lips.

Gabrielle took Xena's hand and kissed her palm, then sucked on her finger. No longer able to stand it, Xena pulled Gabrielle close and started biting her neck. Her back arched slightly and she held her breath as Gabrielle entered Xena's throbbing center. Rubbing Xena's slippery folds to match the rhythm of her breathing, Gabrielle nipped and licked Xena's ear. Beads of sweat were trickling down their straining bodies and, although trying to be quiet, moans and groans were unavoidable.

"Oh gods, yesssssss!!!," came Xena's release as she gripped the back of the chair, her hips rising. With a 'crack' the back of the chair gave way, sending Xena flat onto her back with Gabrielle on top of her. Without missing a beat, save for a fleeting thought of 'That can be payment for saving the village', Xena turned over onto Gabrielle.

"Take me now, Xena," Gabrielle juices were cooking and she could wait no more.

With supreme skill, Xena worked Gabrielle's dripping sex as she licked and bit her neck. "Oh by the gods, Xena, by…the…gods!!!" Gabrielle groaned in climax.

As their senses returned to Earth, the warm afterglow remained and the two were ready to face another day.

[Closing credits]

Disclaimer: The warlord Andreas was harmed during the making of this motion picture, although he probably didn't get what he deserved.


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