Part of Me

Part 1

by MyBard

DISCLAIMER: Xena, Gabrielle and Argo belong to MCA/Universal/Renaissance and are used here without permission in this fan fiction. This story is not intended to infringe on their copyrights. The story belongs to me and is not for sale. It is solely for entertainment purposes.

WARNING: This story contains some violence, nudity and explicit love scenes between two women. If you are not 21 years old or are offended by this or if this type of material is illegal where you live, please stop reading and leave this site. Each to his own and I wish you well.

SPOILERS: Heart of Darkness

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the story of a deep abiding love that exists between Xena and Gabrielle. Their relationship and their love have taken many forms over the years. This story portrays the agonies of their hearts over the last year and their journey back to each other.

"Why don't we all go back to the inn and get some sleep? This mess can wait until morning." Xena suggested after she and Gabrielle caught up to Virgil and Eve.

Everyone seemed uncomfortable. The thought of the frenzied orgy they'd recently left made Xena's own body thrum with desire and need. She knew they were all feeling it.

"I think that's a good idea. I am exhausted." Gabrielle replied, unable to look at Xena.

Xena sighed with silent frustration. She had hoped Gabrielle was feeling just as passionate and perhaps would agree to explore that passion tonight. It had been so long since she and Gabrielle had made love. She shook that thought from her head. This couldn't go on. She and Gabrielle would have to talk soon.

Without a word, they all filed out and walked back through the forest to Cyrene's Inn. Eve, knowing her mother and Gabrielle needed time, urged Virgil into a quicker pace, leaving the older women alone.

Gabrielle blushed at the obvious 'parent trap' but Xena spoke quickly to distract her from the ploy.

"Were you really worried? That you'd lose me to Lucifer?"

"Of course. I...I hate it when you put yourself in danger like that." Gabrielle replied obtusely. She knew what Xena was really asking. She wasn't sure was ready to answer. "C'mon, we're getting left behind."

Gabrielle skipped ahead leaving Xena in confusion and disappointment.

Cyrene's Inn, while not the cleanest establishment had been made livable for the party that had been held there hours ago. Virgil took the room downstairs near the kitchen bragging that he would make them all breakfast in the morning, the best they'd ever had.

Eve walked behind her mother and Gabrielle going upstairs. Eve stopped at the room nearest the stairs. "I'll guess I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Mom."

Xena kissed her daughter's forehead and smiled. Eve discreetly pinched her mother's arm and motioned her towards Gabrielle. Xena rubbed her arm and petulantly shoved her daughter through the open room door, slamming it shut behind her.

"Goodnight Gabrielle." Eve called through the door.

"Good night, Eve." Gabrielle laughed.

An embarrassed Xena and Gabrielle were left alone again. Quickly, Gabrielle started to walk to the room opposite the room Xena had shared with Lucifer. But Xena had to try once more. She had to know if she had a chance to repair her relationship with Gabrielle.

"Gabrielle...I was hoping we"

"That we could what?"

"Talk. That we could talk."

"Xena, it is late..."

"Please, Gabrielle. We've gone too long without talking. And we don't have much privacy with Eve and Virgil..."


Xena had been prepared to argue all night if it would bring she and Gabrielle closer. She didn't expect Gabrielle to give in so soon. Now she was nervous.

"Well, good. Good."

Xena opened the door to her chambers and stood aside to let Gabrielle enter.

Xena followed Gabrielle in and immediately took off her armor. Gabrielle turned away as though she were intruding and walked to the bed. She stopped at the foot of the chamber's bed and stared at it uncomfortably.

Just from the look on her partner's face, Xena guessed that making love was not in the cards. "There was a time when the thought of sharing my bed wasn't so repulsive to you."

"It isn't." Gabrielle said facing her. She sat on the bed and stared at her boots, sighing. "It never has been."

Xena sat down slowly next to her and took Gabrielle's clenched hands in her own. "Then why..."

"Xena, do you remember the first time we made love?"

"Of course. I could never forget that!" She smiled wickedly.

Gabrielle flushed and threaded her fingers with Xena's. "That's not exactly what I meant. Before our first time, I was...."

"Nervous. Beautiful. So loving."

"Thank you for that."

"It's the truth. That's how I remember you."

Gabrielle cleared her throat of emotion and then spoke. "And I remember how gentle you were. That surprised me. I felt like I was being worshipped."

"You were. I'd wanted you and dreamed about you for so long that I couldn't believe you allowed me to love you."

"I wish I'd known sooner how you felt. My heart belonged to Perdicus and I grieved. I was numb for so long. You were so good to me. And then you kissed me.

"With Autolycus' mustache."

They snicker together.

"I never knew it was possible for me to love a woman. To love you."

Their thoughts went back to those memories.

In their first encounter with the Horde, Gabrielle had fought against the fear and hatred of all those around her to make a path for peace and understanding. She was awake day and night in the makeshift hospice, healing the wounded. Gabrielle had become a capable healer but her real talent was the how the Greek soldiers responded to her. What she gave them was so simple. Gentle words to sooth their nightmares and stories to keep up their spirits.

After defeating the Horde, she and Gabrielle had left the Greek army compound and headed for the coast. All the way, Gabrielle was quiet and would stare at Xena when she thought the older woman wasn't looking. One night as they camped on a dune near the sea, Xena was going about the nightly routine of sharpening her sword. But she'd had enough of the stares and questioned her partner.

"Are you going to tell me why you keep staring at me?"

Gabrielle who had been pretending to write in her scrolls looked away sheepishly.

"I was just wondering."


Gabrielle got up and came to sit next to her friend.

"If I ask you a question, will you promise to tell me the truth?"

Xena stopped her task and placed her sword on her lap. She had a bad feeling about what Gabrielle was going to ask. She cursed her slip of the tongue back in the hospital when she almost told Gabrielle that she loved her. But even knowing that losing Gabrielle was a possibility, she could never lie to her. "I promise." She said solemnly.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." Xena said quietly.

Gabrielle didn't seem satisfied. "Xena do you love me like...What you said to me at the hospice, it seemed...The way you said, what you said it seemed...more than affectionate, almost romantic."

Xena said nothing and didn't look up from her lap while Gabrielle continued.

"And when I thought you were dead and you came to me in Autolycus' body. You kissed me. At the time, I thought... I don't know what I thought at the time. I remember being confused but..."


"But I remember feeling like I was on fire. It was something I never felt before."

Xena was taken aback. "Never?"


"Perdicus?" Xena stopped herself. She knew how sensitive Gabrielle was about her relationship with Perdicus.

"It's ok. I loved him, Xena. He was gentle, so tender and thoughtful. My mother had told me so many stories to prepare me for marriage about how sex was a duty for a woman. Perdicus made my first time very pleasurable. I'm glad that he was my first and my first love. It was perfect, we shared so much."

Xena turned away to hide any jealousy that she knew was showing on her face.

"But Xena I didn't feel what you made me feel. So what I've been wondering is if what you make me feel is passion. Love? What is it for you, Xena?"

Xena felt renewed hope and desire and love burst in her heart. She dropped her sword on the ground and slowly moved closer to Gabrielle until they were face to face. "I feel that for you and so much more." Xena leaned in, her lips barely touching Gabrielle's. "Tell me what you feel."

Gabrielle once again succumbed. Xena's lips, her tongue, her hands, her very essence penetrated Gabrielle's soul. The fire raged out of control. In her mind, she heard Xena's words, "Tell me what you feel?"


"What I loved about you is that you could have had me in your bedroll that night but you didn't pressure me. You waited for me."

"I didn't want some smooth seduction, Gabrielle. You are so important to me. I had to know for certain that I was who you really wanted."

Gabrielle stood, looking down into Xena's incredible blue. She stroked her partner's smooth cheek. "I want you. Even now. But there are things going on inside me that I haven't resolved. So much has happened between us in the last year... I need time." She bent down and kissed Xena's mouth deeply. Finally after fighting the impulse settle on top of Xena' long sleek body, she came up for air. "Will you wait for me, Xena?" Gabrielle whispered to her love.

Xena closed her eyes and tried to calm the deep throb at her core. "Endlessly."

"Thank you." Gabrielle kissed her lover once more and separated from her. With one last look of longing, she left the bedchamber.

Part 2

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