Disclaimer: Nope they’re not mine, you guys know who the lucky bastard is who owns them.
Violence: Not like what you would see on the show.
Sex: Nope, sorry guys it’s the wrong time of the month. Like that ever stopped me!
The rest of the stuff: This is the sequel to War on a full moon, so if you have not read it go ahead and do that now, otherwise this will make no sense what so ever! This is a figment of my pmsing imagination, may the Gods and Goddesses help anyone who comes near me during those times! All complaints, belly aching you name it send to Hecate3366@aol.com along with a good supply of midol or animal tranquilizer!
The gentle breeze carried the sound of the drums and the singing of the amazon warriors as they danced around the fire in full battle dress. Their bodies streaked in black stripes letting them blend in with the darkness of night. Various weapons hung from their bodies to be used in the on coming battle they would fight that night in the name of their Goddess Artemis, who stood in the center of the circle watching her amazons dancing. The drums stopped, signaling the warriors that the time had come to capture the offending village. "Remember my warriors I want captives!" Raising her hands above her head she blessed them with stealth feet and bravery. "Now go and make me proud!" She grinned like a lunatic as wild thoughts went through her head as to her part in this battle. "I will defiantly have my fun this night!" In a flash she was gone.
Xena crawled to the edge of the trees with Poni at her side, Xena nodded her head, Poni took off and crept to the nearest hut, walking close to the wall she looked in through the window to see a candle burning on a table, raising her hand she gave Xe the thumbs up signal. Taking off to the next hut she copied Poni’s movements, much the same was happening all over the unsuspecting village, with each hut being stalked by a warrior, the sound of a bird call creased the stillness causing the crickets to stop their chirping for a few seconds. Screams were heard as the warriors entered the huts, grabbing their victims the warriors dragged some of them outside while others stayed within the confines of the huts.
The centaur guards had heard the war drums and sent messengers out to the villages, hoping non of them crossed paths with the amazons on the war path they hailed ass. The closest villages to the nation had barred their gates and their doors praying that they would not be the ones chosen to suffer the wrath.
Artemis popped into a darkened room the only light was from the dieing embers of the fire. A huge grin crossed her face, rubbing her hands together she formed a blue power ball in her hands, raising one hand above her head with the ball in it she spun in a circle laughing hysterically as blue streaks shot from her hand bouncing off everything in the room causing sparks to fly. Before the room was back to normal she left on the note of a war cry sounding just like her daughters. The occupant of the dwelling shot up in bed, figuring it was just a bad dream the exhausted soul fell back to sleep.
The cook could be heard pleading for leniency as she was being tied to a chair in the kitchen area. Once bound a pissed off warrior was feeding her gruel with a huge spoon. Sputtering between mouthfuls she groaned. "You could have at least heated it up first!"
"You could have given me a head start before you started throwing pots and pans at me to, so shut up and eat your delicious cold, greasy, clumpy poor excuse for breakfast!"
The village healer was having all her limbs tied to crutches with green leafy vines, the warrior then took all of the healers best bandages with her, before she leapt out the door she asked over her shoulder. "I was wondering are you allergic to poison ivy?" A look of horror overcame the healers face as she looked down at her bound body, she whimpered while trying to wiggle loose from the vines wrapped around her limbs.
"Go ahead wiggle away, it’ll just make that juice run alllll over you quicker!" Laughing the warrior ran out into the center of the village throwing the bandages to her fellow warriors. "Here ya go, they make good granny rags!" (my ma’s term for maxi pads).
Poni snuck into the dim hut, finding the linen press open she scrounged through it looking for goddess only knows what. Giving up she pulled everything out and stuffed it into a leather bag she found hanging on the wall. Taking all the weapons she could find she left the hut.
Xe slipped into the darkness, pulling a rag from between her breasts she approached the prone figure in the bed. In a heartbeat she had her captive bound and gagged, as she ran from the hut she grabbed a leather bag off a chair and headed off into the darkness giggling.
Morning came with everyone gathered in the eating hut, laughing could be heard from the warriors not to mention bragging at their conquests from the night before. Artemis appeared at the head table where Poni was laying on the bench with Eph dressed only in a breech cloth on her knees feeding her huge strawberry’s dipped in cream.
"Please baby where are all my weapons and leathers?"
Poni grinned thinking off all the weapons laying up on the roof of their hut. "Well oh mighty second in command it’ll cost ya ta get your weapons and your Leathers back, but theirs one piece of clothing I don’t think you’ll want back!"
Eph’s eyes narrowed at her wife. "What are you talking about Poni?"
Poni lifted up her leather skirt and laughed at the shocked look on Eph’s face.
"Those are my rabbit skin underwear you have on!"
"Yep sure are yes indede, and let me tell ya they are real absorbent for, well ya know the curse, keeps that nasty wetness away from your skin."
Eph’s eyes grew wide, jumping to her feet she jumped on top of Poni and tried to wring her neck like a chicken. "I’m gonna kill you Poni!" She screamed.
"Help me Xe Ephie’s lost it! Struggling with her wife Poni gave up. "Sweetheart, beloved, baby, my heart and soul I lied it’s not that time, please don’t kill me!"
Artemis reached over and grabbed the bowl of strawberry’s off the table knowing that if she went home she wouldn’t be eating anytime soon, she knew Cyrene was tearing up her kitchen trying to find a pot or pan that hadn’t been shrunk to the size of a thimble. She would wait until later and reverse everything and claim she had no idea what her wife was talking about.
Gabrielle shot daggers at Xe from her narrowed green eyes. "I promise Xena Warrior Princess, Destroyer of Nations, Conqueror of Gabrielle of potatoehead that I will never ever again try to shove one of my scrolls up your ass. Now will you please let me up so I can eat?"
Xe looked down at her wife where she was laid out on the table completely wrapped in her scrolls like a cacoon. "Pinkie swear it!" Brie glared at her. "Oh I forgot you can’t. Would you just look at this nice fat juicy sausage, I can feel my mouth watering!" Brie tried to lift her head up and grab the sausage that Xe had hanging from her fishing rod over her mouth.
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