Wooing The Warrior

by Lariel

General Disclaimer: Okay - I don't own them, RenPics do.

Sex: Yes please. Oh,....you're talking about the story...heh....how embarrassing... If it was up to Gabrielle - oh yeah, there sure would be. But what about the Warrior? This story contains pathetic attempts at flirting. For your own safety, please don't try them at home.
If you shouldn't be reading this, please don't.

The pathetic attempts at flirting in no way reflect on this bard's complete lack of ability in this area. It's a story - I'm using my imagination!! (Go with me on this......)

Big Thanks: are due to Kamouraskan for her tireless encouragement one Sunday afternoon. I don't think I've ever heard the words "When are you gonna get your butt into gear and write something???" put so diplomatically. And for making my 1st beta experience so painless and kinda fun - thanks again Kam!

Any comments gratefully received....and tips on successful flirting.....

The hair on her forearms stood on end, as if reaching towards the sexy woman next to her. Gabrielle glanced at Xena out of the corner of her eye - the Warrior was sauntering along, senses alert to every subtle nuance of noise and light around them, scanning the area for deadly danger and general out of the ordinaryness.

Hmmff. Can't see what's right under your nose, can you Xena?

The acute senses of the observant warrior completely missed the cloud of sexual tension and red hot lust that was fairly steaming out of the bard. Again.

Gabrielle weaved next to Xena, her feet catching on the rocky surface of the road they were travelling, and again felt her shoulder brush against Xena's. The warrior heaved a sigh, grabbed the little bard's arm and straightened her out.

"Gabrielle, what's wrong with you today? You're falling over everywhere. Watch your footing, okay?"

Gabrielle smiled wanly and nodded, glassy eyed, as the heat from Xena's hand burned away all common sense from her mind, leaving a scorched path in it's wake where lust could (and did) wander wantonly. Surreptitiously, she examined the profile of the woman again - cornflower blue eyes stared inscrutably ahead, cheekbones like cut glass, firm chin and full, sweet lips. Gods, Xena.......you're gorgeous......daydreaming and busy with her third fantasy of the day, she tripped again and suddenly Xena had an armful of panting, sheepish, blushing bard.

"Good grief, Gabrielle. Anyone'd think you were falling for me!"

"Ha!" Nervous giggles erupted from the bard. "Couldn't have that. Could we Xena?"

Xena just smiled and set the girl back on her feet again. "Gabrielle, you can let go of me anytime you want. You might find it easier to walk that way."

"Oh, yeah...walk...right...."

Pull yourself together, bard.....it's only Xena. Just Xena. Your best friend. Xena. The leather clad....leatherrrr....umm, ooo those eyes......ahhh.....umm..this isn't working, bard....

Okay - let's focus on something completely not related to sex. Err, I mean Xena. Yep - Gabrielle, you can do this.

Ummm.....let's see. Argo! Yep......big warhorse....saddle....oh my, look at that saddle horn....Xena's sat there.....oooo, Xena sitting tall and proud, black hair flying in the wind....breasts pointing the way, oooo - those breasts.....oh no, this is so not working....

The blond bard had long ago come to terms with the fact that she was in love with the warrior - puppyish adoration had turned into schoolgirl crush, which had in turn matured into full blown love, followed quickly by a hefty blood stirring dose of passion and lust. Lust, unrequited, interbred with passion and, for the little flustered bard, was rapidly blooming into a permanent state of unfulfilled arousal....Ooo, I can't cope with this much longer. I'm gonna explode if I don't get me some warrior soon!! Can you die from unfulfilled sexual tension? Her thoughts took a worrying turn as she pondered the latest threat to her physical safety, taking the opportunity to play out many fantasies involving a grieving, doctoring Xena, a mortally frustrated Gabrielle and lots of ministering of the 'Gabrielle, I can save your life but I'm gonna hafta......' variety. It didn't seem to help much.

Warrior........ she turned desperate desire filled eyes to the oblivious warrior next to her....take me! Now! Pleeeeease!!! Please??

Xena carried on walking, whistling tunelessly. Catching Gabrielle staring at her with a very odd expression, she smiled back, patted the girl on the head and strode ahead, leaving the rabid bard with a fascinating view of a firm leather clad rear swaying before her overheated eyes.

Ooooo - I am gonna get me some warrior tonight if it kills me!!!


"Gabrielle, I'm gonna ride Argo for a while - go scout us out a campsite."

Need a plan....gotta seduce this tantalising, teasing warrior vision somehow...'cause I cannot spend another night like last night....flirting! That's the answer! She's bound to get the message...I can flirt....I mean, how difficult can it be?

"Gabrielle? Are you listening to me?"


"Gabrielle! Are you feeling alright?" Staring into the glazed eyes of her bard, Xena frowned as she placed a large, firm hand against Gabrielle's forehead. "Hmm. You feel a little hot. Sure you're alright?" Gabrielle's eyes closed, and she swayed against Xena's chest. "Gabrielle?"

"Ohh, Xeeeenaaaa.....uhh, Xena?"

"Gabrielle, straighten up....you're standing like a sack. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah....yeah, I'm fine." You big, dumb.....fascinating, alluring...godsdamned sexy piece, you......!! Gabrielle's eyes were mere slits of passion and her breasts heaved dramatically, rubbing up against the warrior. Xena stared at them for a moment, then smiled.

"Good. I'm off then."

Fascinated by the play of honed muscle under tanned skin, Gabrielle watched mesmerised as Xena vaulted up onto Argo's back, then realised...hey...hey! Plan's in action!! "Uhh, Xena...come to think of it, I do feel a bit wobbly....can I ..uhh, can I ride with you?" A long, lithe arm reached down and the bard was hauled aboard and dumped behind the warrior like a sack of grain. She jiggled and wiggled, trying to get comfortable, then squirmed some more just for good measure.


Two small hands snaked around Xena's hips, wandered around her lower pelvic region for a good long while and finally found two firm handholds. Gabrielle sighed happily.

"Gabrielle, I don't think you have to hold me quite so tightly."

"Oh, but Xena - I feel so safe when I'm holding you like this.." The bard replied coyly.

"Nevertheless, Gabrielle. Besides, they're not exactly secure places for you to grab onto. Try my waist - where you usually hold on."

Sighing, the bard reluctantly moved her hands lower - much lower, slowly and sensuously rubbing the warrior's sides as she did so.

"Umm - I guess that's a more secure handhold, Gabrielle, but it's really kinda uncomfortable when I'm riding."

The bard bit her lip, moved her twitching hands and gripped the slim, leather clad waist in front of her. How to woo the warrior? She slid carefully forward, so her breasts were rubbing up against Xena's back. Frequently. Xena started wriggling in the saddle, squirming and pulling away from Gabrielle. The little bard smiled in satisfaction, and in a voice as smooth and pure as fresh cream, purred. "Anything the matter, Xena?" as she trailed a finger idly along the brown back in front of her.

"Yeah....Hades of an itch....you couldn't, could you....right under my shoulder blade....ohh, yeah - that's it...."

The scheming bard's eyes lit up with a cunning plan. "Xena, you're as stiff as a board. How about a nice back rub? You know how it always makes you feel better."

"Nope, I'm fine thanks. Ahh, here we are...no, not the cave, Gabrielle. I thought we could spend a night under the open stars..."

"Ooo, Xena, how romantic!" Gabrielle's eyes were shining like beacons.

"Huh? Oh, I just thought, easier for Argo....."

"Oh." This might be harder than I thought....


"Here we go Xena - dinner's ready."

Gabrielle scooped up the special stew she'd made and ladled it into the two roughly carved wooden bowls, then placed it onto the flat stone she'd dragged over to the campfire. She'd also raided the last of their candle supply, and the area was filled with little twinkling lights, casting a warm ruddy glow about the place. Final touches..... she poured some wine into a single cup and placed it in the middle of the stone, between their bowls, filling the other cup with water and a few merry wildflowers, their sweet scents mixing with the aroma of the stew. Yep - the way to a warrior's heart is through her stomach and Xena will never be able to resist this......Gabrielle, you've cracked it! Oh yeah, it's one bedroll only tonight, bard!!

"Great - I'm starved. Looks great Gabrielle..." Xena plopped herself down, grabbed for the nearest bowl and started shovelling food into her mouth rapidly.

"Xena - slow down! Here, have some wine"

"Great - wine! Why only one cup?"

"Well, I ...uhh....we can share it. Huh Xena?" The bard took the cup and held it up to her lips, drinking deeply - she thoroughly licked her lips with a wet pink tongue before raising the cup towards Xena's mouth. "Here....." she purred, in her best sultry tone.

"Great. I'm parched." The warrior grabbed the wine, swigged the lot and burped. "Any more?"

"Ahhh....yeah, here. I'll get it...." The cup was refilled and placed into Xena's hands. "Xena, my hands are a little full right now - could you help me with the wine?"

"Sure, Gab...." The cup was poked into the bard's face and she frantically tried to drink
as it glugged out and spilled all over her face and dribbled down her neck. "Ack! Xena....enough!"

"Had enough Gabrielle?" Xena asked innocently, then slurped the wine down in one.

The little frustrated bard sighed deeply before she steeled herself and tried again. "How's the stew Xena?"

"Stew? Oh, yeah....fine...."

"Don't you want to know what's in it?"

"I dunno. Some sorta white meat, I guess..."

"Okay - try one of these instead." The little blond held up a spear of asparagus, it's surface slick with butter, and waggled it in front of the warrior's face. Xena's eyes lit up.

"Ooh - asparagus! I love asparagus!"

"Great!" Gabrielle practically panted, and tried to lower the spear into her open mouth - it drooped and dribbled down her chin, then slipped out of her fingers and fell onto her lap.

"Here - this is how you do it. Watch!" Xena grasped a spear between thumb and index finger, then slowly raised it over her open lips - a pink tongue snaked out and licked all the butter off, before perfect white teeth nibbled up the spear. Gabrielle's eyes glazed over again, and her chest went into overdrive.

"Oh my gods, Xena....that's....will you do that to me...I...uhh, I mean....teach me everything you know...please??"

"You have a mouth don't you? It's easy - you just use your tongue and do what comes naturally." She demonstrated again, this time leaving green eyes popping out of a head swimming with deeply erotic visions. "Don't forget to clean your fingers afterwards..." The digits were sucked thoroughly - Gabrielle lurched away into the nearby bushes and spent several frantic minutes trying to pull herself together.

Oh, this is so not working. Okay, bard...plan beta needed.


"Xena, all that butter has made me sticky. Let's have a bath! I noticed a natural hot spring in the cave - which I still don't understand why we're not using..."

"Great! You go first Gabrielle. Don't lose the soap again."

"Uhh, Xena.....could you...come and wash my back? Y'know how those hard to reach places are...."

"Sure Gab! Go and get settled, and give me a shout when you want your back done."

"Aren't you coming too?"

"Well, the spring's not really big enough for two - it'd get kinda cramped in there...."

Two seconds later, and the warrior found herself naked and squeezed into a bubbling pool of water with a very wet bard practically sitting on her knee. Gabrielle squirmed excitedly.

"Xena! Isn't this great??"

"Yeah....." Xena rolled her eyes as she was presented with an expanse of milky white bard flesh and the soap. "Where's the sponge?"

Gabrielle glanced back at her, archly. "Oh...." her fist tightened round the squidgy item. "..I think I lost it. You'll have to use your hands." Blonde eyelashes fluttered furiously, and two round cheeks dimpled.

One very brief and businesslike scrub later, and the bard was sitting back at the campfire swathed in a blanket, and listening to the merry sounds of her warrior splashing and gurgling in the water.

"Hot damned Hades, Xena....are you trying to drive me insane????" she muttered darkly, eyeing the cave entrance with undisguised venom. "You're mine, warrior woman....you just don't know it yet.....okay, plan beta didn't work. Where am I up to?"


Gabrielle was stewing and muttering....plans C through to F hadn't worked either - well, fancy asking her if she came here often...okay, bard, for a literary person, your chat up lines leave much to be desired. Last time I ever use that "what's a nice warrior like you doing in a cave like this" line. Thought I'd die of embarrassment!

Plan gamma's hour had come. Gabrielle moved up to stand in front of Xena, and slowly let the blanket slip from her shoulders. "Hi, Xena...enjoy your bath?" She crooned, somewhat breathlessly.

Xena looked up, her vision suddenly filled with much bard breast; Gabrielle's nipples stood proudly to attention, and Xena's eyes widened slightly.


"Yes, Xena?" the young bard practically gasped, eyes alight with hope at last. Shivers ran along her spine as she felt the warrior's warm breath skate over her exposed skin, causing her flesh to bubble in excitement.

"...are you cold? Here, you dropped your blanket........don't want you catching a chill....."

"Chill? YOU'RE talking to ME about chill? Chill?? I'll show you chill!!!!" The bard exploded her way back to her little rock next to the fire - her wildflowers had drooped and the candles were sputtering madly.

Another few minutes later, and the bard was once again sitting next to Xena, wrapped securely in her warm blanket and a determined (some might say stubborn) expression carved onto her young face.

"Xena, would you say you're a good student of human nature?" She shot out, tensely.

"Yeah, Gabrielle."

"So you usually know what's going on with people?"

"Yeah, Gabrielle."

"So you know people then?"

"Well, yeah Gabrielle."

"So you're good at picking up clues about people?"

"I guess Gabrielle."

"I mean, you usually can tell how they're gonna react, right?"

"Yeah. In a fight. Yeah."

"So, you can usually interpret what they're gonna do then?"

"Yeah, Gabrielle. Usually."

"So, then you're good at interpreting how they're feeling from what they do, huh?"

"Well, I guess."

"So, like, if I did something...say....then you could...umm....interpret it, right?"

"Well, I usually do Gabrielle."

"Okay." The little blonde mused for a while, then lunged at the warrior, fastened herself to her lips and sucked avidly. "Interpret this, warrior babe!!!!"

Xena managed to break off the bard's vice like grip round her neck, to gasp out...."Gabrielle!...... this is all so sudden.......Gab....<gasp>....rielle....<suck> if only you'd given me some warning.....<slurp>....Gabrielle!! For pity's sake, woman!!"        

"Xena! I need you! I want you! I love you! But I definitely need you....now!"



Xena lay on her bedroll, staring at the stars with glassy eyes and a bemused expression. A very contented bard lay cuddled up next to her, a beatific smile plastered all over her face. She shifted position slightly to plant a very wet, very sloppy and very long kiss onto her warrior, then settled back happily.

"Well I never Gabrielle....."

"Really? You could've fooled me...." The small woman smirked.

"I know you never...."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" The smirk quickly changed to an indignant glare.

"Well, your flirting technique for starters....it's appalling."


"I mean, I thought you were never gonna get to the point. There's only so long a warrior can wait, y'know."

"You mean....?.you mean.....?!!!!" The bard exploded onto her lover's chest. "YOU MEAN......!!!!????!!!"

"I can see you have a lot to learn, my little storyteller." Xena tickled the trim stomach, watching gleefully as the muscles contracted under her roving hands. "Can't wait to get started on the lessons...."

"Well then, oh wise one......what are we waiting for?" The bard flirtatiously replied, and leaned in to plant another lip curling kiss onto her warrior's waiting lips.

And thus began the lifelong learning campaign of the warrior and bard.

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