We Wish You a Scary Christmas and a Batty New Year
Subtext: Lesbians and Touching and Bump n' Grinding' OH MY!
December 24, 2002
I try to block out the various noises filtering through the crowded Wal-Mart aisles as I make a beeline for the holiday section.
Of course, this is where everyone is congregated and I mentally kick myself for going shopping on Christmas Eve. I guess it beats being home alone with the cat, nursing my sorrows and loneliness away with a cup of spiked eggnog and my vibrator.
Brushing my annoyance for life in general aside, I maneuver my cart into the middle of the clearance aisle and begin filtering through broken and ugly ornaments.
A strange tapping distracts my interest in the headless porcelain angels and I turn to find its source. Standing at the end of the aisle is a tall woman with raven-black hair tucked in a neat braid tapping her thumbnail nervously against her teeth. She is engrossed with the pathetic Halloween items that remain marked 75% off.
There isn't much left, unattractive piñatas and sad-looking trick-or-treat pails. Regardless of the irritating tapping, I'm mesmerized by her and can't help but notice how her jeans are tight in all the right places to show off her gorgeous figure and long legs. She is clad only in a black sweater and brilliant blue scarf that matches the intensity of her eyes as she stares at the Halloween items.
I feel really unattractive in my worn jeans and tattered sneakers, but I push my strawberry-blonde hair behind my ears and clear my throat.
"You must like Halloween!" I exclaim brightly, wincing when I realize how stupid that really sounds.
She looks at me for the first time, her eyes boring into mine.
"Actually," she responds, her voice as smooth as silk and low in timbre as if she's purring like a cat, "I don't."
"Oh." I answer, feeling even more like an idiot. She is still staring at me and I give her a stupid-looking nod and small smile. A hint of a grin appears at the corner of her full and utterly kissable lips.
"I'm Millie." She says, extending her hand. I look down at the intricate cobwebs that make up the tattoo that covers the back of her palm before grasping her hand firmly.
"I'm Jen. It's nice to meet you, I'm sorry if I interrupted you or something, but I just saw you and wanted to talk to you." I try to explain and when it finally dawns on me that I'm babbling, I clamp my mouth shut, wondering if I would look crazy if I hit myself upside the head.
I smile instead, hoping to win her over with my grace and natural charm but knowing that I'm failing miserably.
Before she can reply a flutter of movement startles me as a short woman wearing a plastic vampire's cape and witch hat races down the aisle.
"Millicent!" The strange woman screeches, "Finish getting those decorations! I've got the vinegar for the cookies and I'll meet you out front. Don't forget the styrofoam to make the bones for the skeleton!"
With no further notice, the woman flutters back down the aisle and disappears from sight. Millie stands there, looking humiliated as she closes her eyes and rubs her temples.
"Millicent?" I can't help but mutter. She regards me warily.
"At least I didn't get it as bad as my brothers." She exclaims, looking tired.
"Why?" I ask, having a million more questions for her, the top two being why did she need vinegar for the cookies and who was that?
"Their names are Dracula and Frankenstein." She says, with an almost bored expression on her face.
"Are you serious?" I ask and she nods.
"And to answer your other questions, she puts vinegar in the cookies that she places out for Santa on Christmas Eve. She thinks it will discourage him from ever visiting her house again."
"Oh." I say, nodding like I understand what in the hell she is talking about.
"And, she is my mother." Millie explains patiently. "Her real name is Alice but she prefers to be called Circana."
I know I must look stunned because Millie comfortingly pats my hand. She then proceeds to dump all the Halloween clearance items into her cart.
This gives me enough time to organize my thoughts as well as struggle to find something to say.
"She seems nice." I say, thinking in my head that if crazy equals nice then her mother is definitely nice. Millie glances at me, a knowing smile on her beautiful face.
"No, she seems crazy." Millie responds. "And she is, just not completely crazy. She's convinced she's a powerful sorceress and refuses to acknowledge any other holiday. She gets a little overwhelmed when Christmas rolls around because of all the hype and media attention, so she goes nuts and decorates her house with all her Halloween crap."
"Oh." I say again. "So you didn't get Christmas presents as a kid?" I ask sympathetically.
"Nah, she would give us the usual fare, pet bats and a trip to the graveyard but my dad always got us a lot of cool toys. Then Circana would put a "spell" on him and they wouldn't speak to each other until the New Year." Millie answers, smiling again.
As I gaze into her eyes all thoughts of her insane mother flee from my mind. My gaze lowers and I notice, with much desire, the way her breasts curve beautifully under her sweater and how her dainty waist flares out to glorious hips. And those legs, they stretch on forever. I imagine what it would be like to run my tongue up the inside of her thigh, pausing slowly to kiss her flat stomach before lowering myself to lick her'
"Hey, you have plans tonight?" Millie asks, blushing as if she knows what I am thinking. "I know it's Christmas Eve, but if you're not doing anything my mother is having a party."
"I'd love too!" I say quickly, my face flushed with embarrassment from my lecherous thoughts. One look at her grinning face and I immediately decide I would go with her anywhere, crazy witch mother or not.
"Great. Here's my card, call me in an hour and we'll work out the details." She explains as she removes a business card from her pocket. "It was nice to meet you Jen." She says as she slowly and seductively slips the card into the back pocket of my jeans and saunters away.
"Oh, and wear a costume." She calls before disappearing.
"Did she just feel me up?" I ask out loud as I remove her card and glance at it.
Undaunted I tuck the card safely in my bag. Maybe she really is a psychic. If so, she did know what I was thinking and it didn't seem to bother her. So that means that she must be interested in me, right? I would think so.
Or maybe I'm so lonely and depressed by my life that going out on a date to a costumed Halloween party with a psychic advisor that I met in Wal-Mart in the holiday clearance aisle on Christmas Eve seems like a good idea.
Shrugging, I hurry down the aisle, determined to make it home and try to find a costume and get showered and ready in an hour.
One Hour Later:
I'm freaking out. I thought I had some previous Halloween costumes tucked away, but it's been so long since I last celebrated or had anywhere to go that they are either too small or just plain tacky. So my choice is to cut two eye holes in an old white sheet and go as a stupid ghost or wear my scrubs from work and put ketchup all over myself and go as a dead nurse.
Sighing miserably, I put on my ugly pumpkin-colored scrubs.
I glance at my watch and see it's time to call Millie. Maybe she'll have a better idea.
"This is Millicent. Tell me what your soul yearns to know." Her deep alto voice washes over me like warm water.
"Hi, this is.."
"Uh huh, no names. Tell me what your soul yearns to know." She repeats herself and I roll my eyes. She must really believe in all this psychic garbage.
"I would like to know what my future holds." I tell her, deciding to play along.
"I understand. Let me consult my crystal ball." She says and I bite back a smile. "You work in healthcare, you will be a doctor. You will meet someone spiritual who will guide you down a path of alternative medicine and healing. She is very beautiful, this person you will meet and you will have many children together. And tonight you will go with her and will be dressed in orange." Millie says, and I burst out laughing.
"Wow, pretty confident of yourself, aren't you?" I ask and she laughs with me. Secretly I am reeling from her comment about us having children together. How does she know I desperately want kids someday? It's probably a good guess, most women want children so it would be safe for her to assume that I would, but why would she bring herself into the picture? Unless this is how she flirts. Either way, it's working.
"I know all and see all." She replies cryptically. "I'll be over in ten minutes to pick you up."
"Where are you coming from? I'll give you directions." I offer but she cuts me off.
"I'm a psychic, remember?" Millie says before hanging up the phone.
I stare at the phone in my hand dumbfounded. Is she really a psychic or is this some elaborate trick?
"Get a grip, Jen. No one cares enough about you to play this kind of trick." I mutter as I put on my shoes and turn the lights off in my apartment. Waving goodbye to my cat, who ignores me on a constant basis, I head outside to wait for Millie.
It's lightly snowing and the tiny flakes fall on my ketchup-covered scrubs as I sit on the frozen concrete block stairs outside my building. I wonder if she's really going to show up or if it was just a ploy to get me to call her 1-900 number.
I snort at my stupidity. That was probably her trick; she hands out those business cards and flirts to get people to call her, and then ends up charging their phone bill for the time. That's why she didn't need directions to get me, she's not coming! I think I've been had.
"Arugh!" I shout as I stand up and kick the stoop. "You idiot!" I continue to berate myself and just as I'm about to go in a familiar voice calls to me from the street.
I turn around to see Millie, driving a shiny sports car, looking at me from the interior with a puzzled look on her face.
"Hey, how did you know where I live?" I ask, suddenly feeling wary about this entire night.
"I told you, I'm psychic." She explains patiently. "Get in or we're going to be late."
Oh well. If I die or get sacrificed at least I'll have spent my last night in the company of a beautiful woman. Millie makes a quick U-turn down the street and races off. I admire how she maneuvers the stick shift powerfully, never making the ride seem jerky like most drivers. Holy Mother of God, if she can drive this well, imagine how good she is at'..
"So, a dead nurse, huh?" She says, smiling at my costume. I finally notice she is wearing the exact same thing I saw her in earlier.
"Yeah. Why aren't you in costume?" I ask.
Millie shrugs. "Maybe I am."
I laugh. "Right. What are you, an ugly man or something?"
She simply looks at me, an enigmatic smile on her face. Suddenly I become nervous that this is more than I bargained for. I swallow audibly and feel more than a little freaked out.
Millie takes one look at me and chortles. "I'm sorry Jen, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just teasing. I'm not in costume because my mother has me working tonight."
"What do you mean?" I question, feeling only a little relieved.
"She roped me into doing psychic readings for her guests. So once we get there I have to put on my cheesy fortune-telling outfit and sit in front of a fake crystal ball all night." Millie says, looking downright pissed-off.
"Oh, okay. Would it be easier for you if I didn't come then?" I ask, partially because I'm getting more and more nervous about this 'party' and I don't want to put her out.
"No!" She exclaims forcefully. "My mother told me after I'd invited you and I didn't want to cancel. I really wanted to see you tonight." She adds. "Besides, I'll try and get out of it as soon as I can." Millie looks at me, her bright blue eyes twinkling. "Then we really can have some fun."
I blush, wondering for the billionth time if she really is psychic. If she were, wouldn't she know what I was thinking right now? To make a point, I try to have a conversation in my head with her. She doesn't respond, and never takes her eyes off the road to tell me she's listening.
"Millie?" I finally ask.
"Jen?" She responds, her mouth curving into a smile.
"You're not really a psychic, are you?"
She blushes a little, a trait I find rather endearing, and slowly shakes her head. "What do you think?"
"Well, I don't really believe in all that stuff, so I guess you're not." I answer honestly. "But then how did you know where I live, and know the stuff about me working in healthcare?" I question.
"Easy." She answers, her voice confident. "When I saw you at Wal-Mart, you were obviously alone and exhausted. A woman as beautiful as yourself must have a demanding job to result in you being alone for Christmas. Besides, you were wearing a Mass General sweatshirt that looked as if it had seen better days. I assumed you were either a med student or a nurse, but you didn't have the ego usually associated with med students, but you definitely have a driven personality. So I concluded you were a nurse striving to be a doctor." Millie remarks.
"Wow. You're good." I muse out loud. I've always been fascinated by people like John Edward and other fakes that manage to analyze people so perfectly.
"Yeah, I know." Millie purrs and my face reddens. "Additionally, from the way you were looking at my legs I knew you were a lesbian, and I could tell you were the kind who wanted to settle down someday and have children. You have that nurturing air about you, you know? And as to what you were wearing, I figured that you probably didn't have time to go to a Halloween party because of your job, so you wouldn't have any costume available. Most people will go with something comfortable when in a nervous situation, and what is more comfortable to a nurse than scrubs? And I figured you would have every color under the sun and would pick orange in the spirit of Halloween." Millie finishes, looking excited by her dead-on conclusions.
"Holy crap, you're incredible." I tell her honestly, wondering if it is weird that she is turning me on right now.
She looks at me, her gaze so intense that I want to plead with her to pull the car over to the side of the street and seriously make-out with me.
Millie licks her lips, her eyes darting back and forth between the road and me. "We're almost there." She whispers apologetically.
"Oh, okay." I respond disappointedly.
True to her word, Millie slows down and makes an easy turn onto a beautiful street. Large homes stand proudly decorated with tasteful lights on either side of the snow-covered neighborhood.
"Beautiful section of town, I've never been here." I mention and Millie chuckles. Just as I think to ask what she's laughing at, I stop and just stare.
We have reached the last house in the cul-de-sac, the house that could only belong to Millie's mother. It's not as large as the others, but beautiful nonetheless. Except that it is covered from top to bottom in Halloween decorations, making it look like a very out-of-place haunted house.
But that isn't even the funny part. This is. Millie's mother, dressed in her black cape and pointed hat, is running around the front yard with a broomstick between her legs, flapping her arms and yelling "Happy Halloween!" over and over in that screechy voice of hers.
I try to contain my laughter for Millie's benefit, but I can't. Pretty soon she is laughing with me and we just sit in her car and laugh until my stomach hurts.
Just as I am wiping the tears out of the corners of my eyes I hear a tapping on the window behind me. I turn around, and much to my surprise, see a tall and handsome man dressed in nothing but skimpy leather and holding a bow and arrow. He smiles at me and I notice he has a curly blonde wig on. It's freezing outside, and he's half naked?
"Fucking idiots." Millie mutters while shaking her head. "Come on, Jen. You get to meet my brothers."
I step out of the car and wave to Millie's mother who is still 'flying' around the yard. Millie grabs my hand and I smile, my smile immediately fading when I realize there is not one half-nude man dressed like that, but two. They stand side by side and I realize they are twins.
"Jen, meet my brothers, Dracula and Frankenstein." Millie says and I extend my hand.
"Drake." Dracula says as I take his large hand.
"Nice to meet you." I say politely.
"And I'm Frank, the cuter one." Frankenstein tells me charmingly as I shake his hand.
"Knock it off guys, Jen is with me." Millie practically growls and both brothers put their hands up in defense. "And what in the hell are you dressed as, anyway?" "Amazons." They reply in unison.
"Amazons?" I blurt in surprise, "As in the fierce tribe of women warriors that thrived during ancient Greece? Those Amazons?"
"Yep." Frank answers, looking pretty proud of himself. "It was my idea."
"Big surprise." Millie mutters. "Listen, I've got to get inside and get changed. Can you guys handle things out here?"
"No problem." Drake says, brushing his long brown wig out of his face. "Frank and I even rigged up the dryer vent to look like steam rather than pay for dry ice. Pretty smart, huh?"
Millie just rolls her eyes in response.
Frank puffs up his leather-bustier-covered chest. "We've got it handled big sister, you have fun with your crystal balls."
"At least mine won't be frozen off." Millie remarks as she takes my hand and leads me toward the house. "Well, you've met the other two crazies in my family, now let's officially introduce you to my mother, the queen of crazy."
Millie's mother spies us coming and runs over, her broomstick still between her legs.
"Mama, I want you to meet someone." Millie says as she puts her arm around my shoulders. "This is Jen."
"No, no. That won't do. Jen is far to plain a name for you." Millie's mother says in a singsong voice. "She is a Golden Fairy, you know." Circana remarks to Millie as if I'm not even standing here.
"A Golden Fairy?" I ask.
"I'll tell you later." Millie responds. "Yeah, mama I know. The first thing I thought of when I saw her was that she's a Golden Fairy."
"Good then. Nice to meet you, Golden Fairy." Circana tells me before turning around and running back into the yard.
"Come on, let's get inside. It's freezing out here." Millie tells me as she leads me inside, her arm around my shoulders the entire time.
The inside of the house is decorated as much as the outside, and it is cluttered with books and bottles of oils and what I assume to be potions. Somehow, Circana has managed to transform her modern home into looking like a medieval fortress. It's actually pretty cool looking.
"My father, the only normal one, was an architect and interior designer." Millie says, once again seemingly able to read my thoughts. "I'll show you my room." I willingly follow Millie upstairs all the way to the third floor and into the small attic.
"I had to come up here as a kid to get away from my stupid brothers." She mentions as she opens the door to her room.
"Oh, it's beautiful!" I tell her, finding it to be completely different from the rest of the house. The walls are pale lavender and the room is feminine, with soft linens and curtains.
"Thanks, even though I don't live here anymore, it's still nice to come back to, you know?"
"Sure." I respond, feeling the same way about my old room back home. "Hey, where do you live now?"
"Not to far from you actually, about five minutes." She responds.
"You never told me how you knew where I lived." I mention and she grins as she sits down on the bed and pats the area next to her.
I gladly sit on the soft surface, the bed sinking under our combined weight. She discreetly puts her arm back around my shoulder and I lean into her warm body.
"I have caller id. After you called with your number, I got online and put it in a search and came up with your address." Millie remarks, her voice hushed.
"That's really smart." I tell her as I lean in a bit closer, delighted when I feel her breasts against my shoulder.
"Yeah, I should tell you how I do cold readings over the phone, I bet you would love it." Millie says directly in my ear.
"I bet I would too." I mutter, feeling flushed and warm all over. "Can I watch you tell fortunes tonight?"
"Sure, if you won't be bored." She answers, her other hand falling gently on my thigh.
"No way, nothing about you could ever bore me." I tell her honestly and she smiles a full, sexy smile.
"Good." Millie whispers as she tilts her head toward mine and leans into me. I meet her halfway and am soon captured by her warm lips.
Oh my. Her wonderful mouth nibbles and caresses mine and it feels incredible. I've been kissed before, but never like this.
I am vaguely aware of Millie lowering me to the bed and covering my body with hers but the only thing I can focus my attention on is the softness of her mouth and the way her tongue is politely seeking attention.
Our mouths battle fiercely for control as Millie runs her hands up and down my sides. Moaning with desire, I manage to roll out from under her so we are lying on our sides. I trace the outline of her face with my hand, reveling in the feel of her thick raven hair against my skin.
"You're so beautiful, it's like you're not even real." I tell her reverently and she smiles.
"I'm real." Millie whispers in response before pausing to kiss my neck. "Let me show you." I am so lost in the sensation of her hands on my body that I don't realize that she is lowering my pants until the cool winter air hits my skin.
"Stand up, I want to look at you." She orders and weakly I comply. I step out of my underwear and pants and lift my arms as Millie strips me of my top. Fully nude in front of her, I feel no embarrassment, only desire. She falls to her knees in front of me and her blue eyes lock with mine as her hands move rapidly over my skin.
"You truly are a Golden Fairy." Millie tells me, her eyes filled with wonder.
Puzzled, I look at her. That's the last thing I expected her to say after seeing me buck-ass naked for the first time.
"It's a good thing." She hurriedly tells me in between kisses to my stomach. "A Golden Fairy is the most wondrous of all fairies. It is said she is fair in coloring, full of laughter and happiness, and surrounded by a powerful aura of golden radiance. A Golden Fairy can transfix and bring joy to those around her." Millie finishes breathlessly.
I'm not really sure what to say, so instead I pull her up so that she's standing in front of me and kiss her.
One hand instinctively winds its way into her long hair and pulls her closer to me. She has her warm arms around me and is stroking my back.
I can't take the waiting anymore, I need her now. Breaking the kiss, I lay back on the bed. "I want to feel your skin on mine." I tell her eagerly and she begins ripping off her clothes.
Finally she climbs on top of me and I almost pass out from the sheer pleasure of feeling her against me. Her mouth finds mine and I moan into her when I feel her long fingers caress my wetness.
"Trick of Treat?" She whispers in my ear.
"Oh God, treats. Lots and lots of treats. Please." I urge her and she responds by entering me with two fingers. I hiss in pleasure as my back arches off the bed and she captures nipple with her mouth.
The feel of her tongue on my breast and her fingers buried deep inside of me are incredible. "I'm so close.." I tell her in a strained voice and she begins pumping her fingers harder, her thumb stroking my clit. I wrap my hands in her hair as I feel the beginnings of the most amazing orgasm that could ever possibly be had overtake my body.
"Millicent?" An all-too-familiar screechy voice calls. "Millicent! Where are you? People are here and where are the apples for bobbing?" We hear heavy footsteps on the stair, followed by, "I'm coming up here! What are you doing? Where's the Golden Fairy? People want to see her."
Millie and I both groan in frustration as she removes her fingers from my aching and unsatisfied center.
"Tricks." I mutter under my breath as she gives me an apologetic kiss.
"I'm sorry, Jen." She says as she hurriedly throws on her clothes. "But I promise, we will finish this later. Preferably at my place and with lots and lots of melted chocolate." I smile at her, finding her charming despite the lousy circumstances.
I throw the covers over myself as Circana bursts into the room. Her face flushes as she surveys the situation.
"Oh!" She screeches in surprise. Blinking, her shocked expression slowly forms into a sly smile. She waves a finger at me, one hand on her hip. "You little Golden Fairy, you are more powerful than anyone in our family. You belong here, mark my words." Circana's joyous smile soon turns sour. "And you, Millicent, get dressed and get downstairs! A witch should have enough sense to resist a fairy!" Circana stomps out of the room and back down the stairs.
Shaking my head in surprise, I pull on my disgusting dried ketchup-covered scrubs. Millie dons a flowing black cloak covered with sparkly moons and stars. She smoothes her long hair and puts on a matching witch's hat.
She looks radiant and I am awestruck by her. Millie truly looks magical, as if she has some higher power. I can't tear my gaze from her.
"Is it true?" I ask her, not knowing what I believe anymore. She simply smiles and caresses the side of my face.
"Jen, we all have magic in us, some more than others. I am no more a witch than you are a Golden Fairy." Millie softly kisses my lips and I feel a tingling throughout my entire body.
When I open my eyes, it looks like the entire room has been adorned with sequins and sparkles. "What's happening?" I ask, my body still gently pulsing.
Millie simply smiles and holds out her hand. "Maybe together we have a little more magic than most." She concedes. "Now, we have a party to attend and then I have a promise to you that I plan on fulfilling."
She escorts me down the stairs and outside to the most thrilling sight I have ever seen.
A heavy, Christmas snow is falling on the entire neighborhood. The houses decked out in garland and bright lights look ethereal, but more importantly, Circana's Halloween party is in full force. People of all shapes, sizes, colors, and classes frolic in the out-of-place Halloween winter wonderland. Everyone is laughing and having a wonderful time.
I look up at Millie, and back to the sheer absurdity of what I am seeing. This is what Christmas is about, laughing and sharing with your fellow man, not presents and commercialism and Santa Claus.
Christmas is about being with the ones you love and living life to the fullest.
"Merry Christmas!" I shout to Millie and to the rest of the world.
Back To Main Page