Disclaimers: Xena, Gabrielle, Argo and all the X:WP characters belong to Renpics and Renpics alone. No copyright infringement intended and no profit intended as well. No description of sexual activity in this little story though it does have two women in love with one another. If this is too mind boggling for you, please hit either the delete or back button. Hell, hit the Ctl-Alt-Del buttons to clear your system if you want to. Won’t want you to have brain tumor or something. If it is illegal where you stay, 2 choices: be a criminal like me or refer to the previous two sentences for action to be done and remain a good, law abiding citizen.

OK, I think that’s about it. Here it goes…


The Exclusive…




"Technically?! You’re talking about our relationship here, Xena, not how to fix a chariot." Gabrielle rolled her eyes as she raised her mug in exasperation.

"Well… I had meant technique-ally but it doesn’t matter now. His battery’s dead." Xena looked in bored disinterest at the different antics of Nigel as he tried desperately to revive his camera before running out of the tavern, shouting spare batteries. "Good riddance to him!" commented Xena as she shifted her body towards Gabrielle and in a conspiratory tone, whispered "Now, me, on the other hand…" Clasping the soft gentle hands of Gabrielle, tenderly kissing each and every knuckle. "My battery’s running on overload." Moving towards a sweet-looking ear, she nibbled "And I can’t wait to try out your… technique-ally… competent moves." Continuing her exploration down towards a pulsing vein "Especially when it involves" A nip and a yelp "An equally" A lick and a groan. "Overheated engine."

"You know Xena" Gabrielle tried, taking a deep breath before continuing "We are in tavern full of people and…"

"And the two of you are obviously and thoroughly enjoying yourselves. Only those in serious denial couldn’t see the truth of the nature of your relationship." a high pitched voice echoed from across the tavern.

Taking a last lick of red with embarrassment bardic neck, Xena looked up and pinned the offending interference with her patented glare before turning her gaze towards Gabrielle. "You know, she doesn’t even come to your armpit."

"Now, Xena, be nice. She’s just a kid." Gabrielle chided, patting her partner’s back whilst trying to contain her embarrassment.

Dressed in what was obviously a new set of leathers with an out of place silk piece covering her bundled up auburn hair, the interference stood atop a chair, trying to look authoritative, squinting her eyes at the couple and hitching her hands on her hips.

Suppressing a laugh, Xena leaned back in her chair in a relaxed fashion, draping her arms around Gabrielle’s shoulders as she drawled "Hey kiddo, you got a problem? I suggest you scram before your mama comes in through that tavern door and drag that adolescence butt of yours out of here." Dropping her voice. "Or before I do." Smiling adoringly at Gabrielle as she finished her sentence. "That nice enough?"

"You know, for a warrior who had conquered half of Greece and left her mark across the world, you don’t see very well do you? Of course I have a problem. I have a problem with you, and you, Gabrielle, for letting that excuse of a reporter follow you around like a dog in heat, getting all the scoop! His focus is all wrong – he’s just after the ratings! You’re in the Norselands now and all you give an exclusive to is that scum of our line from The Greece Daily?!"

"Ah, competition, jealousy. But you know, I agree with you actually." Gabrielle stood, moving slowly towards the figure. "About Nigel being a poor excuse for a reporter, that is." waving her hands around in the air. "But hey, we’re Greeks. Have to give some privilege to our countrymen, don’t you think?" Stepping beside the chair enhanced figure, she continued, "So, you think you are any better… er… ?" feeling the glare from her partner beside her. And a prod.

"The name’s Thorisa." She replied as she stepped down from her perch, strutting her chest out towards Gabrielle. "And yes, I think I’m definitely much MUCH better than that dork you have following you. In fact…" she said, stepping closer to the bard, "I’m the savior of responsible press and if you’ll just give me the opportunity…" now gazing deep into the green set eyes, "I’ll prove it to you."

"Hey watch where you point that chest, Thor gal"

"It’s all right Xena." Gabrielle intervened, halting the advance of her highly defensive partner. Turning to the still strutting reporter, she retorted, "You say that you are the savior of responsible press. That’s really for others to judge, don’t you think?" Looking back at Xena, she signaled her towards the tavern exit, receiving a reluctant nod in return. Gabrielle turned back, pondering before whispering into Thorisa’s ear. "Go to Mt. Odin’s Inn at the break of dawn tomorrow. Alone."

Exiting the tavern, the bard paused just outside the door before walking back in, calling out to the still-rooted Thorisa. "Oh, and do me a favor. Tell Nigel to forget about his spare battery. He just lost his exclusive."


It was like any other day. As the birds pirched themselves atop the trees, humming the beginning of yet another day of search for sustenance. As the trail of morning light shyly revealed itself, before beginning its routine display of magnificence. As the beams of light slowly crawled across a wooden interior, bringing into view the swirls of dust activated by the light morning breeze. As that brightness threatened to be overcome by the glow of an entwinement of two souls connected.

Xena laid on the bed, covered under a bardic blanket of love. It constricted her movements and even more so on her heart, ever squeezing so tightly, making it hard to breathe. Yet. And yet, it’s the only feeling she knew she would ever want. Ever desire. And could never live without. Smiling at herself and at the sight before her, she shifted, feeling the change in breathing above her.


"Mmmhmm… It’s morning already?"

"Fraid so dear. Time to wake up and prepare before the dear friend you invited comes charging in and faints from shock at seeing me naked." Moving across the room, she splashed herself with the icy cold water, immediately feeling its effect before continuing. "Or worse drops her jaws first. I always have to fix it back. Hate it."

Grabbing the bed rest, Gabrielle gave herself a thorough stretch, raising her back and enjoying the sensations as it shifted through her body. "You DO have a drop dead gorgeous body, honeybear. So stop complaining and be glad that it’s just the jaws and not dropping dead."

Snorting in response, the warrior grabbed a piece of fabric around her body and was moving towards the bath area when she was interrupted by frantic knocks on the door. Turning deliberately towards the still stretching bard, she dropped her voice.

And the cloth.

"Sooo… faint, jaws, both or dead?"

"Xena, that’s not playing fair."

"Life’s never fair, Gabrielle." Xena retorted as she moved towards the door, resting her hands on the doorknob.

Rolling her eyes, she continued her stretching, rising higher, prolonging the sensations. "Ahh… all right, jaws."

"Only jaws?" Xena replied in disbelief, raising an eyebrow. "I’ll say jaws AND faint." She countered together with a competitive glint in her eyes, always evident before a battle. And in an abrupt motion, she pulled the door open, pushing herself forward in a sultry motion, looking for the eyes to stare her personality into. And then froze.

A huge echo of movement, sound and lights came over her, as a sea of human bodies surged towards her, microphones and cameras in hand. The media!

And they paused.

A few bodies dropped.

Then a flash. And just as soon as the entire crowd stilled, they continued their surge again, films rolling and cameras flashing. Regaining her composure, Xena jumped back into her room and slammed the door after her, leaning against the door.

Laying on the bed, Gabrielle looked over at Xena, bemused by the abrupt reaction and the look on her face. "What? Thorisa was naked too?"

Looking over at her laughing soulmate, she shook her head. "I think I just made myself the cover story of the day across half the world. Together with a cover picture."

"What?" The bard responded, sitting up.

"Oh don’t worry, I think the silhouette of your stretch against that window made it for the other half of the world."

This caught the attention of the bard as she jumped out of bed, wrapping the blanket around her. "What??!! But how…? I thought..? Why that Thorisa… I’ll…"

A knock at the window interrupted her. "Someone let me in…? Xena? Gabrielle?"

Muttering a few choice curses in different languages, Xena flew towards the window and was about to introduce the sneak to the taste of mother earth when she stopped and pulled up instead, hauling Thorisa into the room. "If it isn’t the little traitor herself." Sneered Xena.

Sitting in the middle of the room, shocked from the force at which she was being hauled into and now facing a very naked and very angry Xena, the sensations proved too much. Thorisa slumped to the ground, motionless.

"Is she dead?" Gabrielle queried.

"She isn’t. But she’ll wish she is when I make sure she feel each and every cut I make as I slice her into quarters."

"We both lost, you know?" Gabrielle replied.

"What?" the warrior called out, confusion written all over her face.

"I said we both lost. No jaws and no jaws and faint. She just fainted."

Shaking her head with a roll of her eyes, Xena headed for the bath area once again. "Dress up bard, before we wake her up. We just became world wide news and she sure as hell better have some pretty darn good excuses."


"By the gods, I’m in Heaven…"



"You’re not, so wake up so we can send you to hell."


"Who else?"

Opening her eyes, Thorisa tried to get up, only to be pushed back down with the tip of a broadsword in her face. Turning around, she saw Xena, seated on a chair with a bored look, her leg hooked over the other. On the other side of the bed was Gabrielle, no weapons but with a look enough to kill. "Erm… allow me the opportunity to explain?"

Taking a sip from the mug of ale lying on the table, Xena rested her sword on her shoulder bracers, still staring at the hare in the spotlight. "So speak. And it better be good." She informed her crisply.

"First, let me just say that I’m a woman of honor. I do what I promise." Switching her gaze from Xena to Gabrielle, she continued. "It’s all your fault really Gabrielle. I told Nigel that he lost the interview as you wanted and well, he kind of lost it. He threatened me…"

"There. I knew I should have given you some fist." Looking pointedly at Gabrielle. "What did he threaten you with? His camera?"

"Squirming under the line of questioning, the answer came back in a stutter. "He.. erm.. well.. there’s this… film. Tape. He, well… er.. of us…" A raised eyebrow from Xena and a frown from Gabrielle. "before I met my current partner… He threatened to… well… expose it… to her if I ,well, do not tell him.. she erm.., didn’t know and er.. I don’t think she can take it… I really love her and … Hey, but I made him promise not to tell it to a single soul!"

Raising her arms in despair, Xena moved in towards her, putting her face to face with the reporter. "Firstly, you are pathetic. How can you not let your partner whom you proclaim to love, know about this? Don’t you know how she will feel, not being in the know and being hit WHAM one day when the whole truth comes out?"

"Behind the horse, beside the horse." muttered Gabrielle, making a slight coughing sound and staring at the ceiling above her.

Ignoring the obvious slight, Xena continued making her point. "Secondly, for a reporter, you are pathetic in the wording of promises. Nigel didn’t break his word. He didn’t tell a single soul all right; he told the entire media industry!"

"Oh yeah, how about that? I never knew that he had so many contacts really and wow, never in my life have I seen sooo many media big shots congregate at one location!" gushed the reporter. "I mean think about it. There’s Chin Nightly Newsflash, Weekly Britannia, Cleopatra Biweekly Special, Caesar’s Network and Brutus Corporation, African Sands Network and even my competitor Norse Broadcast Center. I haven’t even included the cults that have gathered from HELL, JESUS, the Ex-Club 7 and heaven knows where!" continued the obviously bowed over Thorisa, getting a snort from the Warrior Princess in response. "Well, I’m certainly not impressed." she replied, growling her displeasure.

"Cults from HELL? JESUS? Ex-Club 7?" Gabrielle prodded, her curiosity aroused.

A look of surprise crossed over as Thorisa she pulled her eyes away from the threatening blue eyes and into the more amiable green ones. "You mean to tell me you don’t know? How are you a bard anyway? You’ve never heard of the Hope Evangelist Liberation Link? Just Eli Singing Us Songs? and the Ex-Club 7? In honor of the Greek Gods the one with the chakram sent to wherever she sent them?" glancing pointedly Xena at the last mention.

"Oh…" a bite of lips "Never heard of them really."

"Well, doesn’t really matter. They’re a bunch of people with nothing better to do with their lives. Now… for the promised exclusive… can we get on with it? Like, let’s begin with you Xena. Why did you not take a bite off the golden apples? You could have become a goddess and made Gabrielle one as well and live happily ever after. Is there an agenda involved? Is this a scheme that you have with the God of War, Ares? Is that why you were found in his abode? Or more accurately, your grandma’s abode, which you loaned to him. Free of charge, I might add. Your comments?"

Thorisa knew she was pushing it a little. OK, a lot. But no risk no gain and for all the troubles she’s already gotten herself into… might as well give it a try. One look at Xena though and regret and fear filled her heart. Judging from the flare of warrior nostrils and a sudden change in demeanor, a dark side emerging.

No time for responses and answers, however, as a torrid of activities suddenly began, starting with the loud pounding sounds at the door, rattling the hinges. "Open up Xena! We know you are in there! There’s no point in hiding so let me in and get on with it!"

"Damn! Nigel! I’m going to have his hide and cook it in oil." growled Xena. Her target changed, she shifted and moved towards the door with murderous intent, only to face a 5 foot barrier, hands on her chest. "Look Xena, just leave it. We’re headlines enough as it is today. Let’s just get a move on all right? If we sneak off now, we may still be able to make it for the Valkaries Express."

Not bothering to respond, Xena swirled around in a smooth motion, pushing the bard behind her as a shimmering glimmer of light suddenly appeared. "She’s right you know. The both of you should go before you ruin the good name of my conglomerate."

"Odin… I didn’t know you provided personal service. You must be sooo busy." snarled Xena as Thorisa stood in shock before regaining her composure and bowed in reverence to her god.

"Not as busy as you, it seems, giving exclusives and going for photo shoots." countered Odin.

"Oh dear mighty Odin, it’s such a honor to be in your presence." the reporter gushed. "How may your humble servant be of service to you?"

"Stop irritating me and go away. Oh and you can forget about that exclusive of yours. Not at my expense." droned the Norse god.

"Ah.. but… i… they sort of promised oh mighty Odin." Thorisa stammered, turning a little white in the face, especially under the deadly glare of Xena.

"Are you quite done Xena? As you said, I’m a very busy man."

"Well we need to pack so wait up or go." steamed Xena, pissed at the way things have gone.

Gabrielle left the packing to Xena and knelt beside the clearly disappointed Thorisa. "Look. Things have turned out pretty much bad. For all of us. Maybe when there’s a more opportune time, you can come visit us?"

Bright eyes looked up in hope. "Really? Oh, how about I pass this to you first?" pushing a stack of papers onto Gabrielle’s hands. "You and Xena can ponder over them before I come."

Taking the stacks of paper from the reporter, Gabrielle read. "With your recent return to Norselands, what kinds of political and social changes have you seen? Do you think any of the changes are as a direct result of your influence? If so, are these the kind of changes that you have envisioned it to be? Or are they just by-products of your actions? Where do you see yourself in relation to the Norse Gods and in relation to the other gods that you have met? And… wow it’s some list you have there. Guess, we’ll indeed ponder over your questions." grinned Gabrielle. "For quite some time."

"Thank you, Gabrielle. For allowing me this opportunity…" taking a deep breath before continuing "It would have been my first interview really. Looks like it didn’t really go as planned…"

Oh. "I’m sure you would have done great had the circumstances been different." The bard consoled, patting her leg in sympathy.

"All right let’s go already." Odin stood up, gesturing towards the warrior and the bard.

A sigh as Thorisa stood, brushing herself a bit. "Xena, Gabrielle, I’m sorry things turned out the way it did and for me being a pompous ass. Have a safe journey."

Pursing her lips, she continued. "And well, be prepared to see me soon." directing a small smile at the both of them. "Hope I’ll be more welcome then…"

"You will be and good bye Thor…"began Gabrielle as Odin disappeared with both warrior and bard, leaving the reporter standing as the hinge gave way and the entire crowd came pouring into the room.


"You know, for a god, you are damn rude." Gabrielle shook Odin’s hands off, giving him one of her glares.

"Well, running out of time dears. Enjoy your trip back to Greece, say you like my coach and hope I never see you again Xena."

"Well, I don’t like confined places and don’t count on it." Xena replied, returning her sword back to the shield as Odin disappeared. "Humph… he could have transported us back direct to Greece if he really..."

"Hey, Xena, I can see the Valkaries from here." Gabrielle interrupted the warrior, pointing to the front. "Guess we are in business class." looking around the coach and liking what she saw. "And, say, what’s that?" Gabrielle pointed from her aisle seat, towards a spot in the far distance. "It’s growing bigger."

Xena followed the line of view and spat out a slew of expletives before squeezing past Gabrielle, moving towards what appears to be the coach door connecting the carrier to the valkaries and the horses. "I’m taking over control. It’s the damn Pepper-our-Xes."

What in Norseland is that? "I don’t suppose they are friendly?" ventured the bard.

"Nopes. Worse manners than Nigel and all the groups outside our Inn’s door this morning combined. With better weapons too and they’ll stop at nothing to get a scoop." Squinting out of the window. "And this bunch looks like they specialize."

Oh. That’s bad news. "I better follow you then." The bard replied, standing up. "You know, cover your back… on the horseback? Sides, you look kind of tense…"

Smiling, Xena offered her hand and pulled the bard from her seat. "You can cover my back anytime, Gabrielle… Anytime."

The End.

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