The Henbane Chronicles
"Todays topic on Search For A Life is Warrior Princesses The Myth, The Mystery. Well be right back after a word from our sponsors."
"Cut! Okay, Rudy get in position camera one, youre up next."
"Makeup! Wheres Joannas? Get someone Oh, good. Okay, I think I may have smeared a little here quick, gimme a touch up. Fine. Thanks."
"Okay, on three, two, one!"
"Thanks for joining us today. Im your host, Modulatus. In the world we live in, savage warlords terrorize villages and countrysides all around. People ask themselves where do I go for help? Who can save me? And will they be six feet tall with incredible blue eyes and legs that go on forever? Today, on Search For A Life, well explore this subject and meet a modern day Warrior Princess.
"Now most of you have heard of Xena, and .Sol! Quick! The audience!"
"Cut! Please everyone get back in your seats. I assure you that youre perfectly safe here! Sol! Get security! Lock the doors. How can we have questions from the audience if they bolt before we even get started? Modulatus, maybe you should just bring your guest out here so that the audience can get used to her."
"Ms. Warrior Princess, Xena, would you mind coming on stage with me? I Im sorry; I didnt mean it that way. Please dont look at me like that; youll scare the audience. What I meant to say is will you please take a seat so that the audience can get used to you? Thats better .whew! Thanks!
"Well just attach your microphone and okay. Ready anytime you are, Sol."
"And its three, two, one!"
"Were back. Our first guest today is a legend in our time, Xena, the warrior princess. I understand from our research that you actually are NOT a princess, am I right?"
"Well no Thats something that people started calling me. But I have much humbler origins."
"Lets talk about that for a moment, shall we? Youre really just a small town girl with a vision, arent you?
"You might say that. I had a vision. I wanted to be the protector of my village. My brother, Lyceus and I both had that dream."
"Ah, yes. Lyceus. I see that the mention of his name still saddens you."
"It does. He was my best friend. I was his hero. But our dream got him killed."
"So, then, you changed your dream."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, on Search For A Life, were interested in people who are survivors. People who dont let adversity stop them from making something of themselves. A person, who, if I may be so bold, like you?"
"Uh I dont think of myself like that. Im not a hero."
"But surely the good youve done. Lets go there for a minute. When was the last time a Cyclops ate a mortal? We have you to thank for that, Xena."
"Where did you hear about a Cyclops? I never came across any Cyclopses."
"From the scrolls, Xena. Surely you know that the story about you blinding the Cyclops is in the scrolls that your best friend wrote."
"Oh The Henbane Chronicles."
"Gabrielle. She accidentally got into some henbane and it made her start thinking that the stalagmites and the stalactites in a cave she was hiding in were actually singers in a chorus. While she was uh delusional, she wrote some fantastic tales and they accidentally ended up at The Bards Academy. I nicknamed them, The Henbane Chronicles."
"So some of the stories that she wrote about you were just the workings of an over-stimulated imagination?"
"Absolutely! And I cant figure out how those scrolls ever got to Athens. She said she lost them. She never was real clear about that."
"Im still dealing with the fact that the stories arent all true."
"Of course theyre not!"
"I must say that Im a little disappointed. Some of those stories have been passed down during the last twenty-five years or so and are quite popular especially the ones about the hot, sweaty sex you two were having at the time."
"The WHAT? GABRIELLE!!!!!"
"Well be right back, after this message."
"GABRIELLE!!!! Wheres Gabrielle? If shes hiding, shed better NOT come out!"
"Now, Xena. Im sure she "
"Youd better get out of my way, mister, unless you want a little warrior princess whoop-ass!"
"Oh, so now you cut!"
"Xena, I um "
"For a woman whose pretty free with the words when the henbane hits ya, youre sure doing a pitiful job of explaining yourself right now, shorty!"
"Honestly, Xena. I thought I lost ALL the scrolls. I didnt know those stories made it to Athens, too."
"Like I believe that. Spill it!"
"Okay, I was afraid that youd read them. So I tucked them away, and when I sent some other scrolls to Athens, those ones must have gotten mixed up in them."
"Really, Xena. Id never do anything to embarrass you. At least, not on purpose."
"Hmmm. Whyd you write about our sex life, anyway? We werent even having sex then."
"I was fantasizing. And remember, I was influenced by the henbane. I didnt know what I was writing until it was too late."
"Now its twenty-five years too late, Gabrielle. And the whole known world THINKS they know about us. No wonder we get those odd looks everywhere we go!"
"Is it because Im a woman?"
"Hades! No! Its because youre a blonde! You know blondes have never been my type before you came along."
"Am I your type, Xena?"
"Well now maybe we should go somewhere and discuss what each others types are quietly and without a lot of clothes on."
"I go where you go, O Warrior Princess."
"Okay, Modulatus. Were ready to roll tape again."
"Im set. Thanks for the touch up Joannas."
"Hey! Whered they go?"
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