Amazon Today


Xena and Gabrielle are busy packing their things into Argo II's saddlebags, as Varia and Cyan look on.

"I want to thank you again for your help, Xena, Gabrielle." Said Varia, clasping the warrior's then the bard's arm in a firm grip.

"You don't need to thank us." Said Gabrielle. "Its what friends are for."

"Absolutely." Agreed Xena.

A slim blonde woman approached them. "Xena, Queen Gabrielle, I'm Lorene. I'd like to interview you for our new show, Amazon Today."

"Well..." said Gabrielle.

"Great!" replied Lorene. "We're set up over here."

Varia and Cyan just looked at each other as the warrior and bard were reluctantly ushered onto the set.

"Welcome to Amazon Today, THE show for Amazons of today. " boomed the announcer. " Our special guests are Xena Warrior Princess and Queen Gabrielle, the Battling Bard of Poteidaia. "

"Welcome Xena, Queen Gabrielle." Said Lorene.

"Please just call me Gabrielle." Answered the bard.

"Before we get started," said Xena, " no questions about our sex lives."

"No questions...." Lorene looked at her scroll muttering to herself. "Well there goes the interview."

"Xena." The bard looked at her.

"What? Nigel made such a big deal about it, and I just don't think its anyone's business but our own." Replied the warrior.

"Well maybe if she lets us see what the questions are before we say no." suggested Gabrielle.

Lorene hands her the parchment with the questions. Gabrielle's eyes widened at the list of questions. "Uh.... We'll have to think about it first."

"Okay, " said Lorene, brightening, "You two have met a lot of Amazon queens. Could you give us some impressions of them? Something not in your scrolls?"

"Queen Melosa was the first Amazon queen that you met right?" asked Lorene.

"For me, yeah." Replied Gabrielle, "But Xena met Queen Cyan of the northern Amazons long before she met me."

"So what was she like?"

"You're very concerned about your appearance aren't you." Said Xena in a strange voice.

"What?" asked Gabrielle and Lorene in unison.

"I have no idea, but for some reason I feel like free falling through underground tunnels." Said Xena, shrugging her shoulders. "Yes, Cyan was the first Amazon queen I met. She showed me an interesting trick when I dropped in on her unexpectedly."

"Xena," whispered Gabrielle, "I thought that was only a trick that you would do for me?"

"It is," Xena whispered back, "Unfortunately," she said in a louder voice, "I can't do it for you today."

"Why not?" asked Lorene.

Suddenly a man swings in front of the camera, wearing a pink nightie and calling out for Gabrielle. He lands in front of the bard.

"Virgil! What are you doing here?" asked Gabrielle.

"King Attis the second is here for his queen." He replied. "We go make zug zug now." He grabs the bard and throws her over his shoulder before leaping from the set and running off.

"Excuse me while I go rescue Gabrielle from "Attis". " Xena runs off after him. "Attis you better bring her back here right now!"

"Tarturus. They did it again!" Shouted Lorene, throwing down her parchment.

Off camera, Varia looked at Cyan, "I knew they wouldn't admit to anything on camera."

Back to Contest Page

Back to Academy Page