Well folks, that was Merle Haggard and I hope yer enjoyin’ the classic country show here on WDUM in the heart of Bush country. Later on we’ve got a little Patsy Cline, Hank Williams and Charlie Rich comin’ yer way, but right now we’ve got a surprise interview with a couple of special little gals here in the studio that I think yer gonna like better ‘an bowlful a grits. This is Bubba talkin’ today with Xena, the Warrior Princess, and Gabrielle, the Battling Bard of Potadeia, who’s just as cute as a bug on biscuit.

Gabrielle: Thank you Bubba, we’re glad to be here.

Bubba: Ya’ll might be wonderin’ how we heard about you two all the way out here in Bush country, where ya can’t swing a dead cat without hittin’ a Baptist church…

Xena: Actually, it seems like no matter where we go people seem to know all about us, though sometimes they get some of the facts wrong.

Gabrielle: Hey… are you blaming me? I can’t help it if people misinterpret my scrolls. I think I do a pretty darn good job of inscribing the essence of our adventures, and its not my fault if people get it wrong.

Xena: Yeah, no doubt those abs of yours could easily deflect a spear…

Gabrielle: Now wait a minute. Technically…

Bubba: Okay girls, now just settle. It was my 3rd cousin twice removed, Minya, that told me all about ya’ll. That girl just thinks the world of you two and even says you’re the one’s that inspired her to be a thespian. Yep, we’re all real proud of Minya. Why, she’s strong, and she can read, and you don’t find that in too many of the gals around here.

Gabrielle: Did she tell you about the time we fried the giant?

Xena: We?

Bubba: No, did ya roll him up in a good beer batter and deep fry him? That’s how we like to fix possum around these parts.

Xena: Uh, no. See, I took a belt buckle and attached it to some flying parchment. I hooked it on the giants pants, and then I waited for Zeus to…

Bubba (interrupting): That sounds real interestin’, Xena. Now, Gabrielle, I understand you’re pretty handy with weapons. Ever been deer huntin’?

Gabrielle: Actually, Bubba, I have hunted deer before, and it was part of a ritual I had to perform to save Xena’s butt.

Xena: Yeah, and tell him about that killer rabbit that nearly took you out that time.

Gabrielle:  You know, Xena, you just can’t let some things go, can you?

Bubba: Well its bow season here… maybe you could take me out and show me how its done some time. You know, Gabrielle, you’re just as cute as a daisy in a Dixie cup… do ya have a feller yet?

Gabrielle (giggling): Well, I kind of liked this one guy I met when we were trying to free Celeste, but he died, and then I was married to a king, but he turned out to be dead, and I was married to Perdicus for a day, but Callisto killed him, and then…

Bubba: Nevermind. How ‘bout you Xena? I heard you tried to steal Minya’s old boyfriend Hower away from her. She said you didn’t have a chance though, heh heh. I guess you don’t have much luck with the fellers either.

Xena: Yeah, well, I’m really not looking for a man. [quietly] I already have found someone who is more than I ever dreamed I could deserve… a best friend, soulmate…

Gabrielle: Oh Xena, I’m sorry I got snippy earlier.

Xena: Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry I made that crack about your abs and the rabbit.

[smooch sound]

Bubba: Well strap me to the side of a pig and roll me in the mud! This is more fun than watchin’ a June bug on a string.


Bubba: Folks, I think I’m gonna put that Patsy Cline on fer ya now…

[Fade to music]

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