Aug 07 2000
Well another skit inspired by a visit to the Madonna Inn, during the writing of "The Search For Amphipolis."
EXTERIOR: MADONNA INN REGISTRATION BUILDING
BAT <to Ms. Bat>: I've got the key to our room. The guy looked at me kinda funny...
MS. BAT: Well we are in the minority here, being under fifty and all.
BAT: Maybe because we look instinctively uncomfortable surrounded by pink bordello decor.
THEY WALK TO OVER TO THE ROOM AND LOCATE 138 *THE DAISY MAE* THEY PAUSE AT THE DOOR HEARING VOICES FROM INSIDE THE ROOM
VOICE #1 <very melodramatically>: "What...what are you doing?"
VOICE #2 <narrating with a southern accent>: I blurted as she looped the rope through the ring on my ankle cuff then attached it securely with a knot.
VOICE #3: <overly gruff- almost croaking> "I'm giving you what you want, Gabrielle,"
VOICE #2: she replied without even looking at me.
VOICE #3 "And what I want. After all, it was your suggestion."
VOICE #4 <irritated>: Very funny you three. Gods I swear I don't know where she gets this stuff. As if this would ever happen...
VOICE #1: At least you're not the one ravaged and left with rope burns.
THE SOUND OF FLIPPING PAGES IS HEARD VOICE #4: She gave you rope burns!
FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR Ms. Bat looks at Bat rather sternly. MS. BAT: You promised that they wouldn't be here.
BAT: I didn't think they would be. I swear I didn't tell any of them where we were going. <puts key in lock and opens door>
INTERIOR DAISY MAE ROOM Four women sit on a large king sized bed three wrapped in white towels with wet hair. The third is dressed in kakhi archeology type clothes. They're clustered around a stack of printed pages from which they take turns reading.
XENA: What's this about giving Gabrielle rope burns!
BAT: I didn't- it doesn't say a thing about rope burns. If she got 'em it wasn't my fault.
XENA: Oh. Well then hello Batnip.
All in unison : Hi Mrs. Bat.
MS. BAT: Hi guys <to Bat> : I'll go get the bags *dear*. She leaves.
BAT: What are you guys doing here! Are you trying to get me killed!
GABRIELLE: Well chapter three is finished and I don't see any skit taking us to Disneyland.
BAT: I started it and it sucked. It wasn't very funny.
JANICE: You mean like this one?
BAT: Pretty much.
MEL: Well you've got to try the waterfall shower. That'll get your creative juices going. We've all been in it at least twice.
XENA: You know, the caves Gabrielle and I always end up in don't look a thing like this.
GABRIELLE: The shower is a nice touch.
JANICE: <pointing to the pages on the bed> So this is the reason you've not been working on TSFA?!
BAT: <stammers> Um...er...
XENA: Yeah, and what's up with you having dreams about Mel and Janice and not *Us* We came first ya' know.
BAT: <sweaks> Well...
MEL: And what's the deal with making Janice afraid of caves! Especially when we're in a room like this?! She's been jumpy all afternoon and wouldn't even shower with me.
MEL: Well it's the truth.
BAT: That I can fix. <she reaches for a Madonna Inn note pad and pen and scribbles for a few moments. A smile eases across Janice's face as Bat folds the note and hands it to Mel.>
JANICE <to Mel>: I'm ready for that shower now. <both leap off the bed and dash to the bathroom>
GABRIELLE: What did you write?
BAT: *That even though the heroic Janice Covington was terrified of caves she found waterfalls completely irresistible and intensely erotic.* That should take care of things, but don't expect them out any time soon.
XENA: Fine by me. <She eyes the printed pages briefly> I think I have some research to do.
BAT: Okay, but will you guys at least be out of here by the time we're done with dinner. This is supposed to be Mrs. Bat's weekend.
XENA: Will do. Have a nice dinner and you'll never know we were here. <starts to advance on Gabrielle> Have a nice weekend, and get cracking on chapter 4.
BAT: <withdraws from room putting *do not disturb sign* on door.> Will do, Xena, will do.
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