INT. TENT. DAY
'Xena the Conqueror' is with a pretty little slave. One of her lieutenants, Thesaurus, is standing nearby, at attention.
Xena sighs, puts the slave she was raping into a drawer for later and straightens her raiment.
With a bow, Thesaurus takes the ticket and leaves to fulfill his duties.
Making sure that she is scowling in a most frightening fashion, Xena leaves her conquering tent to make the short walk to the center square.
EXT. CITY SQUARE - DAY
It's a beautiful day. The sun is indeed high above in a very noonish fashion, birds chirp, downtrodden peasants throw their bodies over puddles to keep Xena's feet unsullied, and flowers bloom. Hitlerus runs up to keep pace, a vicious frown twisting his features, his small mustache nearly bristling.
Xena daintily shoves a peasant's face into the mud with her unsullied boot.
Quickly, Hitlerus clears his throat. He speaks in a falsetto lisp.
Happily, Xena grabs her scepter from the hands of an approaching Thesaurus. Napoleanus, a short, dull-looking man, is at his heels. Xena stops, reaches behind a bunch of empty ale canisters and picks up a leafy gold hat. She shoves it on her head.
Napoleanus claps. Xena smiles happily at the three men, adjusting the chapeau. Regally, she walks across the steps toward her throne, surveying the rabble with an Empress's eyes. Eyes that actually belong to her. And that sorta makes her an Empress now, doesn't it?
Xena nods approvingly, making sure the sun glints off her leafy gold hat and into the eyes of the prisoners. It's one of those extra touches of villainy that goes unsung but adds to her Conquerous reputation.
Suddenly, a small woman with kinky blonde hair separates herself from the rabble.
Xena takes a long, leisurely look, a slow smile spreading across her lips. Rising gracefully, she makes sure to hold her scepter out and away from her so that her sleeve drapes provocatively.
Xena eyes Thesaurus a moment, almost figuring that one out, then her attention returns to the blonde and she glides down the steps, approaching the young rabble rouser.
Gabrielle looks around desperately. She frantically waves at an overweight brunette in the crowd.
Xena opens her mouth to speak, but Gabrielle holds up one hand impatiently.
Every eye in the square stares at Gabrielle's bare stomach.
The rabble murmur in agreement, including Rhonda, who climbs into a little deuce coup and drives off, upset that her daddy took her T-bird away.
Finding herself mesmerized, Xena stares at the Abs of Redemption.
Total silence until someone drops a pin. Xena glares, so the pin-dropper 'sprints' away.
The guard nods as we: