“Its seven thirty.”
“I’d love some tea.”
“Ok, I just poured this, you have it and I’ll get another and join you.”
“Ummm thanks,” Jamie said as she took a long sip from the tea Loren had passed her.
Loren returned shortly with another cup of tea and sat on a chair beside the bed, “How are you doing?”
“Actually I feel, like I’ve lifted some weight off my shoulders. Thank you for being there with me. I’m a little embarrassed, I always seem to be crying lately.”
“Its ok, its part of the healing process, and if I minded we wouldn’t be here together would we?”
“I know, its just,” she stumbled “its just, well, thank you, you’re the first person I’ve actually talked to about them.”
Loren leaned over and hugged the blond, kissing her on top of the head, “I’m honored and its my pleasure to be here, in fact I will be here for you whenever you want me.”
Loren stretched, and yawned loudly....”Ok girl up and at em, we have a rather hectic day planned.”
“Yep, today is football day! You’ll get to meet the rowdy Wynfield’s.”
“Ah, Loren what will they think with me being here?”
“I know, and they know that. So relax and enjoy, give them a chance, they really are a great bunch. Now up and at em!”
Jamie had just finished dressing after her shower when she heard a dull thumping on the front door. She stepped out of her bedroom down the hallway into the kitchen, Loren was outside preparing for the arrival of her family. Jamie continued on to the front door, and opened it. She was immediately captured by a small miniature black haired blue eyed replica of Loren. Jamie crouched down and said, “Hi.”
The little girl no older than four, looked back at her solemnly, her lips in a pout. “Where’s Aunty Lor?”
“She’s out back sweetheart would you like to go see her?”
“Lesley, be polite and say hello to the lady first.”
Jamie looked up to see a tall blond haired blue eyed young woman standing behind the little girl. “Hi I’m Devin, Loren’s sister-in-law, this is Lesley and the big guy over there unloading the van is David, Loren’s brother, you must be Jamie, nice to meet you.” Hands were shaken and hello’s exchanged, when Jamie felt a hand on her leg. Looking down into deep blue eyes she again crouched and asked what the little girl wanted.
Serious blue eyes again regarded her. “Are you Aunty Lo’s girlfriend?”
Jamie flushed a bright red, as did the little girl’s parents.
With the tension broken, Jamie stood up and moved to the side to allow the family to come in. Loren set off to go outside to the pool, looking over her shoulder she said, “Are ya’all coming?”
After everyone had arrived they literally consumed the entire backyard. Kids were running around with the adults, jumping in and out of the pool, hamburgers were cooking on the barbeque. Jamie had met all of Loren’s family and liked them. They were easy to be with and weren’t star struck over meeting her.
Loren came out onto the patio after most of the burgers had evaporated, tossing a football. “Ok fat cats....FOOOOTTTTBALLL” Everyone jumped up and headed for the football field.
Jamie laughed as she was pulled along by Loren who was telling her brother Matt, that he could have the singer on his team as she was too much of a girlie girl for her team.
The game ensued, the score was tied, it was the last play of the final quarter. The ball sat ready to play dead center of a huge mud hole that had developed on the field.
David, Jamie, Alexis, Devin and Lesley were in a huddle. “Ok,” David said, “mom I’ll pass the ball back to you, you toss it to Jamie as she cuts around the back of you, and Devin you,” he said pointing at his wife, “you keep Loren occupied.”
“Hold on,” Alexis said. “Both your brother and father will massacre me!”
“Not if they want anymore home cooked meals,” David said in a very loud voice. They could hear laughter and shouts of no fair from the other team.
The lawyer was mortified as she realized her sister-in-law was coming on to her. She flushed a deep red, lowering her head she decided she had better put a stop to this behaviour, “Ah, Devin, I don’t think...”
Just then Jamie cut in back of Alexis, taking the football in a handoff and darted past Loren who was, Jamie noted out of the corner of her eye, bright red looking downward. The team cheered Jamie on as she ran for the goal line, Loren realizing what was happening gave an evil glare to Devin who was now rolling on the ground laughing, and sprinted after the singer.
Jamie could hear Loren running behind her gaining ground, just as Loren was within arms reach of grabbing the singer. Jamie came to a sudden stop and ducked to avoid an impact with the lawyer.
The dark haired woman tried to stop, couldn’t and ended face first into a huge mud puddle. Jamie skirted the mud pool and stepped over the finish line. Her team surrounded her everyone giving high fives.
Jamie looked back and noticed Loren hadn’t moved out of the puddle. Concerned that she may be hurt the singer ran over and bent down next to Loren. “Loren, are you ok?” Jamie placed her hand on the lawyers shoulder. Just then Loren rolled over and wrapped her arms around Jamie dragging her down into the mud with her.
Two startled white eyes with tints of green, that were surrounded by gobs of mud looked up into deep dirty midnight blue eyes.
“So thought you could get out of this game clean, girlie girl?”
Gleaming white teeth broke out into a huge smile. “Never!” Jamie laughed.
Loren looked into the blond's eyes and fell in love all over again. The clinch went on a little longer than intended until Loren’s niece Laura moaned, “Oh yuck, they're gonna kiss.”
Sitting around the pool as the children took a last minute dip before the evening came to an end, Loren was talking quietly with her brother’s while all three kept a watchful eye on the children. The spouses were talking with Alexis and Gerrard. Alex, Loren’s youngest brother came over and sat beside Jamie.
“Hey,” he said with a grin, “alright after the big game, nice end run by the way. Boy is Loren lucky, a singer, gorgeous and a football star...wow.”
Jamie looked at him startled. “Alex, Loren and I aren’t, well, we aren’t ahhh, involved.”
Alex looked at her speculatively. “Oh, sorry, I just thought after the way you two keep looking at one another,” his voice trailed off, thinking to himself, Not yet anyway! “I thought, guess I was wrong, well that’s just too bad, I think you would make a great couple.”
He had wanted to say more, however after seeing Jamie’s facial expression, he didn’t want to lay bare the emotions that he knew he saw in his sister each time she looked at Jamie. It was so evident in her looks, her movements every time she was around the singer. Ok, he thought, if she hasn’t said anything, I’m not about to spill the beans.
Jamie looked at Alex and said with a grin, “Thanks for the compliments though, I think.”
The time had come for the group to depart with their tired little campers.
“You will both have to come to dinner this week, and don’t worry Jamie, Loren will have nothing to do with the cooking,” Alexis said with a twinkle in her eye. “Besides, we would love to hear you sing.”
“Why that would be lovely, thank you dear,” she said kissing Jamie on the cheek hugging her. Gerrard and the rest of the Wynfield’s hugged both girls and wished them goodnight.
As the last of the Wynfield’s left Loren closed the door and leaned against it. “Whew, another super bowl over with. What did you think?”
Jamie walked over to Loren and wrapped her arms around her placing her head on the tall woman’s shoulder. “Thank you, I really had a wonderful time, your family is great.”
“Thank you,” Loren said, hugging the singer back “I think they are too.”
The two stayed like that for awhile enjoying the closeness of each other. Finally they yawned and broke apart, “Time for bed girlie girl.”
“Unhuh,” sleepy green eyes responded. “Goodnight Loren, and thanks again.”
“Goodnight Jamie, sleep tight.”
“Well its our last day of vacation, what would you like to do?” Loren asked, as she looked at Jamie across the table. She had gotten to like having the rocker around, sharing her time with her, getting to know her.
They had had long dinners, visits with their families, talked until the wee hours of the morning, swam and lazed in the sun. Their skin was a golden brown and the dark smudges had disappeared from beneath the blonds eyes. She felt alive, rested and she had grown to really care for the lawyer. The healing process had begun. “How about we spend it together, take a swim, a late dinner and relax.”
Loren looked up. “Yes,” she said softly, “I’d like that.”
Jumping up suddenly. “Ok,” Loren yelled, “last one changed and in the pool does the dishes tonight.” Grinning evilly, she tore out through the patio doors to the pool taking off her clothes as she went.
Jamie looked after her shaking her head in a confused manner, “But you don’t have on a bathing.....oh you little minx.” Jamie gave a whoop and ran out behind the lawyer stripping her clothes off and laughing out loud at the thought of swimming nude.
They both managed to enter the pool at the same time, Jamie naked and Loren fighting to get her leg out of her shorts as she fell backwards into the pool.
Jamie broke the surface and with child like glee shouted, “I win, I win!”
“No you don’t,” said Loren laughing, “its a tie at best.”
“No way cheater,” Jamie said her eyes sparkling, as she dove under the water. She surfaced with Loren’s shorts in her hands, “See, you didn’t get it all off.”
She swam up to Loren and placed her arms around the lawyer’s neck. “I win lawyer girl, I win.”
Loren clamped her arms around the singer and kissed her passionately, two weeks of tension emptied into the kiss. The two sank into the water, Jamie’s lips opened to allow Loren’s tongue entry, after what seemed like an eternity they broke the surface of the water. Loren grabbed the side of the pool and helped Jamie out, then she climbed out after her.
She felt the younger woman’s leg tremble to her touch, Loren returned to the aroused breasts and licked her tongue across an erect nipple. Loren could hardly control her shaking body, she wanted this woman like no other, she slowly slid her hand to the inside of Jamie’s thighs, stoking the singer’s velvet wetness feeling Jamie’s body arch to her touch. Loren returned to capture swollen lips with her own, she nibbled incessantly on Jamie’s lower lip while continuing to stroke her warm wetness. “Oh God Loren, please, I need you, I .....”
Loren lowered herself slowly leaving a trail of hot wet kisses across the taunt stomach of the rock star, then tenderly consumed the singer. Jamie raised her hands above her head and grasped the top of the lounger. Loren breathed in the scent of Jamie, as she slowly flicked her tongue against the warm folds of wetness,
“Oh God Loren, please,”
She could feel Jamie tremble, her time was very near as was her own. The lawyer swirled her tongue on the sensitive nub and rubbed gently feeling Jamie arch forward, then she closed her lips around the nub and gently swirled her tongue over and over the wetness in a deliberate rhythm.
Stroking gently with her two fingers she entered Jamie, moving in time to the rhythm until she felt Jamie start to buck and call out Loren’s name. Then and only then did Loren allow the rivers of passion to flow out of her as she succumbed to a dance older then time, whispering Jamie’s name.
“But what a way to go!” Jamie chuckled.
The lawyer pulled Jamie up to eye level, “We need to talk Jamie.”
“This complicates things now.”
“Not really,” Jamie said. “So we sleep together, its no big thing.”
Loren sat up, and repeated, “So we sleep together, no big thing?
“Oh Loren,” Jamie said sitting up and turning away. “Lets just enjoy what we have, I don’t need it complicated again.”
“Complicate it again?” Loren echoed, not believing her ears, “my God, are you really listening to yourself. You can’t give anything past a physical level can you Jamie, this is safe for you isn’t it, no emotional commitment, that would be living and letting go, but you can’t let them go?
Jamie got angrily out of the bed, “How dare you bring them into this.”
“Bring them into it,” Loren said sarcastically, then she looked into angry jade green eyes, and in a very soft voice said, “they were never out of it were they Jamie?”
Loren turned away and scrambled out of the bed threw on a sweatshirt and a pair of boxer shorts, she stormed out of the bed room.
Jamie sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, What am I doing. Tears fell on Jamie’s cheeks, I don’t know if I can love like that again. God help me, I do care for Loren, but do I love her? Do I take the chance and end up pushing her away like I do to everyone? No, I can’t hurt her, if I love her, I’ll hurt her.
“Getting ready early?” Loren said watching the singer as she leaned against the doorway.
“I....I have to go, I can’t stay.”
“No you’re probably right Jamie,” Loren sighed. Hurt and disgust filled her voice, “Go ahead run again.”
“I....I’m not running, I....”
“Not running, for god’s sake Jamie take a look at yourself, damn if that’s the legacy you were left by Sam and Christian, then you’re right, you can’t stay. But before you go, face this. ” Loren crossed the room to take Jamie by the upper arms and face her, “Look at me damn it, look at me!”
Jamie lifted fearful tear stained green eyes and they were captured by the deepest clearest most honest blue eyes she had ever seen. “You know you love me, no one humanly possible could make love like you did with another living person if they didn’t love or at least care for them.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t care.”
“No, you didn’t say you cared or loved me. You were pretty clear in what you didn’t say. You’re a coward Jamie,” Loren said harshly letting go of Jamie pushing her back slightly, “go ahead and run just like you did with Sam!”
Loren’s voice was cold and cutting. She was hurt and wasn’t thinking straight, all the lawyer could think was, I can’t let her leave me now that I just found her.
Jamie grabbed Loren by the front of her shirt, tears falling freely. “I’m not a coward!” she cried, shaking her. “I’m in l... I care for you, but don’t you see, if I stay I’ll drive you away like I did the others, I’ll hurt you and I don’t want to do that to you.” She fell to her knees wrapping her arms around herself and rocking back and forth. “I killed them, I couldn’t bare it if I hurt you.”
Loren knelt down and wrapped Jamie in her arms. “Oh Jamie, don’t you see I have a say in this. I get to say who I love, and so do you, and its my choice to love you, and I do love you more than life. You didn’t hurt them Jamie, a drunk driver did, God gave them to you as a gift to teach you about love, hurt, anger, loss and yes guilt. You wouldn’t be who you are today if you hadn’t gone through this. Take the good out of it all and treasure it, but let me treasure it with you.”
Loren lifted her chin up and looked into wet green emerald pools and felt herself getting lost. “I love you so little one, with everything I am, celebrate that with me. If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, I’ll let you go.”
Loren waited with baited breath, she saw Jamie look into her soul, “I care for you, I’m just afraid to love you.” she whispered, “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Oh Jamie, you can’t control what happens to anyone when they walk out a door, or even just get out of bed in the morning. But we can love and be there for each other for as long as fate allows us to be together.”
Jamie wrapped her arms around Loren hugging her close. “Yes,” she whispered, “I’ll try.”
A lot of time was spent with Loren’s family where Jamie became an accepted part of the Wynfield clan. Jamie’s parents had returned from their cruise and met Loren many times. Rita and Joe could see that Loren made Jamie happy, and to see the singer smile warmed their hearts. They accepted Loren into their family right from the start.
Jamie felt content, Loren felt like something was missing. Many nights she would awaken to find Jamie sitting in front of the window, or outside at the pool. Loren knew she was crying softly, but she always gave the singer her private time. She knew she couldn’t force Jamie to love and commit to her, it had to be the singer’s choice.
As opening night drew nearer, everyone worked harder, contracts had to be drawn up for back up singers, dancers, stage crew, technicians, and various business agreement on merchandise sold. Personal appearances, TV shows, autograph sessions promoted. Travel arrangements were less cumbersome as Jamie utilized her own private plane for everyone to travel. Buses had to be coordinated, music itineraries fine tuned, music and sound systems cued properly. Finally dress rehearsals and security were finally given a seal of approval by Loren and Jamie.
The tour was set to open at the LA stadium the next night, it was a venue that would hold over one hundred thousand fans. It would be one of the largest venues for the tour and a good chance to work out all the bugs. The tour remained at the stadium until just before midnight, testing and retesting the equipment.
Feeling restless all of a sudden Loren stood up and walked over to the doorway she stretched, turning to go back into the room she noticed the lone door at the end of the hallway. Hmmm, I’ve always wondered where that led to. She walked over to the door opening it she stepped inside the room she felt for a light switch on the wall, finding it she flipped it on. Loren’s eyes scanned the room not believing what she was seeing.
It was obvious from the unkempt state of the room, scattered toys lying on the floor, the various personal items left laying around that this had been Jamie, Sam and Christians private rooms. It looked like someone had walked away and left the room exactly as it had been left. “Oh Jamie,” Loren sighed as her heart felt like a steel band had wrapped around it.
“You just couldn’t let it go,” a cool voice said from behind Loren.
“I don’t remember saying this was part of our relationship?” Jamie turned off the lights and stepped back from the doorway indicating Loren to leave. The blond closed the door behind them and walked past Loren into her sitting room leaving Loren standing open mouthed in the hallway.
Loren was utterly crushed, Now I know why she can’t get close, she hasn’t let go, Christ I’m chasing ghosts. Loren turned and walked down the hallway, out the back door to her vehicle and left.
Jamie paced back and forth in her room, waiting for Loren to come in, the singer was extremely angry at what Loren had done. Standing by the window, she saw the SUV drive away out the back gate. Shocked, Jamie turned from the window and raced into the hallway, it was empty.
Jamie turned panicked tear filled eyes to look at Sue, and in a voice without emotion said, “I’ve killed her too.” and fainted.
Sue called Bill to help lift Jamie off the floor and into her bedroom. After placing Jamie gently on the bed Sue placed a cold cloth on her forehead and gently patted her face to gradually bring Jamie back to consciousness. Jamie’s eyes fluttered open, trying to focus and remember where she was.
“Jamie,” Sue said. “What’s going on, what happened.”
Jamie looked at Sue, “Oh Suz, I did it again, I drove her away, I drove Sam away.”
Sue was alarmed, “Jamie, Jamie darling calm down, Sam is gone honey, Sam isn’t here anymore.”
Jamie looked at her strangely. “Sam? I’m not talking about Sam, its Loren, I drove her away, don’t you see,” she said pleadingly, “something will happen to her, she loves me, and I can’t let that happen.” Panic filled her voice.
Sue gathered Jamie in her arms, “Oh my friend, of course Loren loves you, what’s not to love? And whether you know it or not you’re upside down in love with her. Don’t let her go Jamie, get over this, in more ways than one, this is bigger than anything you’ve ever been involved with before...including Sam.”
“I have to go to her Sue, I have to.”
“Do you want Bill to drive you?”
“Do you mind?”
“Nope he’s in the hallway waiting to see if you’re going to be ok.”
“Bill?” Sue called out.
The dark hair man stuck his head around the corner. “You bellowed? Hey there sweetness, fainting on the floor isn’t a good thing you know,” he said with a serious face.
“I know,” she replied in a small voice. “Can you take me out to Loren’s?”
“By all means, lets go!”
Bill pulled the pickup in back of Loren’s SUV, Jamie jumped out.
“Yes,” she looked back at him.
“I don’t usually say much, but well,” he looked her directly in the eyes. “Don’t throw it away, she’s the one for you, everyone has a love in their lives that they lose in someway. Well you know what I’m trying to say.”
“Yes,” the singer said softly, “I do. And Bill,”
“Yeah,” he growled looking up embarrassed.
“You bet,” he smiled.
Jamie let herself into the house, it was completely silent. She walked into the empty living room, into the kitchen and down the hallway. She peeked into the study which was empty, then on into the master bedroom where she found Loren lying face down on her bed.
Jamie walked quietly over beside her and knelt down to look at the tired tear stained face. She gently brushed the dark hair from Loren’s forehead and kissed her cheek gently.
“What are you doing here?” she mumbled sleepily.
Jamie turned back to Loren and grasped her hand, “If there was ever someone whom I could try again with, it would be you, I know it in my soul, I just, I just don’t know,” the singer shook her head, something’s stopping me.” Her eyes looked into Loren’s, pleading for understanding, “I’m trying, and I don’t want to lose you, I know I’m in love with you and sometimes it makes me crazy. I don’t know how to show it, I want to, but I don’t know how.” Jamie rested her cheek on Loren’s hand, salty tears running down her face. “Please don’t leave me, give me some more time, just a little, please,” she whispered.
Loren gathered the singer in her arms and pulled her onto the bed. “Oh Jamie, I love you more than life itself, I’m not going anywhere. I’m so sorry about this evening, I shouldn’t have gone into the room, I wasn’t sure where the door led. I didn’t mean to...Jamie, Jamie,” she sighed as she hugged the singer. “You haven’t freed yourself and you need to do that. Not just for us, but for you, so that you can start to live again. But you have to know its been so hard not to have you with me, to hold and make love with you. Its almost like you shut me out after showing me a piece of heaven. I want it all with you Jamie, and I want you to give it back freely.”
The singer stroked Loren’s face then pulled it down towards her own, capturing the trembling lips and devouring them with a soul searching kiss. Loren replied in kind, kissing the blond as if she would die if she couldn’t get close enough to her. They lay together kissing passionately both afraid to take the moment any further.
Jamie wrapped her arms around Loren’s neck and they proceeded to show each other the wonders of their hearts.
Trailing kisses down the side of Jamie’s face, to the hollow just below her ear Loren tasted the saltiness of her skin. Her hand softly grazed the top of the singers breasts as she undid the buttons on her shirt, each one opened to a soft warm wet kiss where it had lay closed. Opening the blouse Loren undid the front clip and licked the hollow between the firm tanned breasts, her hand gently squeezing a full breast. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Loren moved her lips gently over an erect nipple opening her mouth to suck it gently. Jamie’s head was tilted back on the pillow, her fingers threaded through the dark hair pulling the lawyers mouth down harder to the sensuous licking of her nipple.
The still of the night was broken by groans of passion as each consumed the other. Fueled by desire, Jamie gently pushed Loren to the bed straddling her hips and rhythmically stroked her own desire onto the dark haired woman. Sapphire eyes captured hooded jade as she molded her hands around the woman’s breasts rubbing her thumbs across hardened nipples. Jamie placed her hands over top of Loren’s holding them to her breasts, rubbing harder to match the thrusts of her hips. Slowly the singer opened the button on Loren’s jeans and slid the zipper down slowly, laying a trail of kisses along the opening. She finally slid her hands inside the pants sliding them over the lawyer’s hips, following her movements with warm kisses.
Loren was trembling slightly in anticipation of Jamie seeking an end to her hunger, she was wet and wanting. Jamie looked at Loren, “I love you and I want to be loved by you at the same time. Jamie slowly finished undressing never taking her eyes from Loren’s.
“Oh yes,” Loren said her eyes glazed with lust as she felt Jamie press her naked body along her length.
Kissing her way to the center of the lawyers taunt stomach, Jamie turned and straddled her lover, placing tiny moist kisses on the inside of Loren’s thighs.
“I love you,” Jamie said as she kissed the tall woman.
Loren smiled and whispered, “I love you too.” It was well into the morning light before either fell into the exhausted sleep of the sated.
The limousine pulled up outside the doorway leading into the underground entrance of the stadium. Security was heavy for the arrival of Jamie James on her opening night. Loren held the singers hand tightly, Kelsey was going over last minute media events with Jamie before she exited the limo. Camera crews were filming the arrival waiting for the queen of Rock to step out and be interviewed.
Jamie looked up into deep blue eyes and smiled slightly, one of the blue eyes winked sexily. Jamie sniggered and lowered her head pretending to be listening to Kelsey prattle on. Loren turned Jamie’s hand over and traced circles in the palm of her hand, and when Jamie brought up her eyes she saw Loren mouth the word, “Later!” Jamie blushed furiously and nodded yes.
Loren squeezed Jamie’s hand, leaned over and gave her a warm deep kiss and murmured, “Good luck.” as she kissed her again gently. The lawyer opened the door to the limo and stepped out, as flash bulbs started to pop, media personalities crowded around the open door yelling to Jamie. The singer exited the limo in tight low waisted black leather pants, heeled black boots and a short white tee shirt which exposed her bare midriff showing her naval ring.
She was tanned and rested, looking like everyone’s dream. Loren stayed close to Jamie as she worked her way through the media, shaking hands and answering questions. One over zealous reporter moved in close to Jamie placing his arm around her hips resting his hand on her bare skin. He leaned in close with the microphone directly in her face and asked her who she was currently dating and could he have the details. Before Jamie could answer, the reporter found himself on his back on the ground behind the singer.
Jamie kept moving towards the door with Bill at her side. Glancing back over her shoulder Jamie saw Loren leaning over the prone body talking quietly to the stunned man. Jamie grimaced and thought to herself, Wrong move to make bucko, chuckling she moved on. Within seconds she felt Loren’s closeness beside her, “Any problems tall dark and dangerous?”
“Nah,” Loren responded, “he slipped. I think I got him all straightened out”
Jamie grinned back and started to move in rhythm to the beat he pounded out.
Loren stood back and watched from under hooded eyes, this was a side of Jamie she had never seen and found it extremely sensuous.
“Oh by the way JJ, the kids sent this, said they couldn’t see you without an opening night present.” Tom lifted a hand drawn crayon picture sketched by his two daughters.
Loren sniggered when she saw the stick figure with huge boobs and large ruby red lips with the words Jamie working written on the front.
Jamie raised one eyebrow and looked closely at the picture, she looked around the room and in a dry voice said, “I wonder who influenced this drawing.” Everyone laughed and started to cat call to Jamie to show them the goods and she teased them by partially lifting the edge of her shirt and then lowering it. “Nah, not tonight, and then looking at Loren wiggling her eyebrows she said, “Not right now, tonight I mean.” Another round of laughter filled the room when they saw the dull red creep up Loren’s neck.
A loud rap at the door, followed by a loud voice signaled, “Two minutes to stage.”
The group started to gather up their stuff, Jamie went and sat in a chair. With her legs spread apart, her head bowed and her hands slightly clasped as she sat alone with her thoughts. Loren stepped behind her lightly caressing her back and neck, just letting her closeness be enough.
Then she heard Jamie talking, “You know, Sam never came on the road with me. Now I understand for the first time just how much I need this and I’m so glad its you, here, now with me.” She squeezed Loren’s hand picked up her headpiece microphone turned and brushed her lips tenderly against Loren’s and walked out to the side of the stage awaiting her cue.
Several fast songs later, Jamie stepped to the front of the band, reached down and took a drink of water from her water jug. She looked over into the stage wings and saw Loren leaning against the wooden stage doorway watching her. She winked and smiled, Loren grinned and mouthed, “Go girl!” Jamie laughed and turned back to her fans.
A scheduled instrumental interlude was built into the show giving Jamie a chance to take a small break and change her outfit. A curtained off room directly behind Tom the drummer was where Loren waited for Jamie. She helped her change into blue leather pants and matching leather tank top, covered by a leather jacket. Replacing the headset, she signaled to Loren that she could be live.
Turning towards the curtain, the music came to a complete stop, the curtain opened and the spot light shone on Jamie who stepped out singing to her fans.
You tell me not to call you up, .......................
Jeff, one of three dancers that signed on for the tour was on stage, waiting to perform with the singer. The light show was mesmerizing, throbbing to the beat, pushing the fans to a frenzy. Jamie had spent months choreographing the dance number with Jeff and they were totally in synch with one another.
Jamie stood with her hands on her hips, looking over her shoulder towards Jeff, who was also dressed in leather.
“You don’t like my hair, you don’t like my car, you don’t like my friends you met at the baaaaar....” The singer turned towards Jeff and poked a finger in his chest as he backed up “You must be crazy for me. You must be crazy for me. Cause when I kissed you last night in my own back yard, you ran so fast and you ran so far, You must be crazy for me, you must be crazy for me.
I see you shake your head,” Jeff crossed his arms and turned his head away as if ignoring the singer, “And you roll your eyes,” to which he imitated the words, “You’re firm remark .........” As Jamie sang, “To remove my thighhhhh,” she turned tight into Jeff and placed one long lean leg on either side of his and swivelled down like a stripper dancing on a pole and slid her hand slowly up the inside of her thigh, over her stomach and breasts, and pointed a finger into Jeff’s chest saying “you must be crazy for me, you must be crazy for me” as he shook his head no. The two performed an intricate set of dance steps during the instrumental portion of the song to the delight of the fans.
Climbing down the stairs at the end of the stage Jamie sang and danced along the open corridor that provided her an opportunity to mingle with her fans. Loren waited to guide the singer along and protect her. The fans were ecstatic, clapping hands, and reaching out to touch the star, the security was strained. Loren worried that they wouldn’t be able to get Jamie out safely. As Jamie climbed the stairs on the other end of the stage she paused on each step to sing a line from the song. “Do not expect you to wait, ......at the top of the stage she looked directly at Loren who was situated below her as she sang “you must be crazy for me, You must be crazy for me.”
Loren winked at her and slightly nodded, mouthing the words, “You bet!” as she started to make her way back to her usual watching point behind the band. Jamie laughed and climbed back on stage finished the number with the dancers and her band. The crowd went wild the building shook with energy, the fans were rabid with desire for the performer they wanted more.
While the crowd was going wild at the end of the song, the band quietly laid down their instruments and walked off stage, Jamie was going to do a solo. “Are we having a good time tonight L.A.?” She shouted, the crowd responded with a roar again shaking the building. “Ahh c’mon L.A. are we having a good time?” The noise was deafening, Jamie laughed and said “this next one is for you L.A.” As they filed back stage Tom paused near Loren and indicated with a jerk of his head towards Jamie, “you’ll never see her perform like this again, its the best I’ve ever seen, and let me tell you, she has rocked in the past, but this is awesome.” Loren regarded Jamie and agreed, the lawyer could feel goose bumps on her arms as she realized she was seeing a legend perform, a one of a kind that only came along once in a lifetime.
The concert continued it was almost three hours in length, the last song of the night brought Jamie down the steps to the edge of the stage and she mingled with her fans. Loren escorted her from one end of the stage to the other side and up the stairs, keeping the fans behind the barricade. After finishing her song Jamie turned facing her band and tapped her closed fist twice on her heart. This told everyone job well done everything was okay time for her to leave. Jamie looked to the side entrance and saw Loren waiting for her, the band continued to draw out the song which gave Jamie time to exit. “Goodnight L.A. and thank you from the bottom of our hearts.”
Jamie ran off stage tearing off her head set and passing it and her guitar to a roadie, Loren grasped her hand and led her running out to the waiting limo. It was important to leave the stadium immediately before too many fans showed up possibly causing an unpleasant scene. The door to the limo closed behind the two women as Bill put the car into drive and left the venue.
Jamie was soaked in sweat and wrapped a towel around her neck, wiping her face. She was breathless, her eyes sparkled with excitement and she was beyond vibrant.
Loren watched her,
feeling her excitement. She’s beautiful, the lawyer thought
as she opened a bottle of water and passed it to Jamie.
Jamie continued to kiss Loren’s breasts, her stomach, her thighs and then laying her down on the back seat she placed her mouth on Loren’s warm moist womanhood. Jamie pressed her tongue against the wet opening, while gently squeezing the tall woman’s breast. Loren bucked her hips in time to the rhythmic stroking and felt herself slip over the edge, shouting, “I’m... oh, Jamie, oh god.” Loren fell back to the seat totally dazed, feeling her body pulse to the most intense orgasm she had ever had. She felt Jamie gently kissing the inside of her thighs.
Loren sat up and gathered Jamie in her arms laying her gently on the seat. She kissed the singer long and deep, nibbling on her lower lip driving Jamie’s passion to higher heights. She continued nibbling on her neck and collarbone as she worked her way to two pointed sensitive breasts that were impatiently awaiting her mouth. Loren captured a nipple between her teeth and rolled it around with her tongue, nibbling gently. She could feel Jamie’s body tense each time she bit down gently, she knew the singer wasn’t very far away from her breaking point. Jamie groaned loudly, “Oh please Loren touch me, now, I need you so much baby.”
Loren placed her fingers into the warm moisture and stroked the wet opening tenderly. Using her thumb she rubbed Jamie’s sensitive area in a circular rhythmic motion. Jamie looked into Loren’s eyes, with her own dark shades of smoldering jade, and released her orgasm through clenched teeth, with her head thrown back. Loren captured the beating pulse on Jamie’s throat with her lips, she kissed and nibbled her lover until she felt her stop trembling.
The car pulled to a stop and Bill opened the door, he smirked widely when they climbed out. Both women looked at him and shrugged their shoulders. “What!” He looked pointedly at Loren’s shirt which was inside out and buttoned wrong. The lawyer turned a deep red as she grabbed Jamie’s hand and pulled her inside the house to the loud laughter of both Bill and Jamie.
“Its not that funny Jamie,” Loren complained as she relaxed in the hot tub with Jamie in her arms.
“Yes my darling it is. Do you now realize we have tour stories to tell....”
“My god you don’t think Bill would....”
“No darling, but I may.”
“Oh you wicked wicked woman,” wrapping her arms tighter around Jamie she pulled her up onto her lap. “You were absolutely amazing tonight on stage.”
“Why thank you, but I do believe your ............”
“No Jamie,” Loren said twisting her around to look into her eyes. “Its rare this gift you have, words wouldn’t be able to explain it. You have to experience it. It’s like, well...” she took a deep breath, “its like when we make love, I can’t describe it I feel it.”
“Oh Loren,” Jamie said with a catch in her voice, “I’ve never shared this part of my life with anyone I loved before. Sam didn’t want to see the fans all over me, or the way I gave myself to the audience. She wanted that kept separate, but its important to me to have you share that, I need you there with me.”
The next morning Jen burst into Jamie’s room with Kelsey in tow. “Jamie, Jamie where are you?”
Jamie sat up in bed grasping the sheet to her body, looking wide eyed at her sister and the PR specialist standing in her bedroom doorway. Loren was laying back observing the situation with wide eyes.
“Un, er sorry sis,” Jen said turning her back on the couple.
“Oh for Christ’s sake Jen,” Kelsey said, slapping her arm, its only Loren.”
The dark hair woman raised an eyebrow at this statement and rolled her eyes.
Kelsey marched straight into the room and climbed up and sat on the end of the bed. With a leer and a wink said, “Hey there tall dark and naked.”
Jen shrugged her shoulders and said, “What the hell” and joined the other three. Loren’s eyes had grown large when she realized that Kelsey and Jen had joined them and had no intentions of leaving anytime soon. Jamie looked at Loren and grinned, knowing full well the bareness of the situation under the sheets.
Kelsey was excitedly telling Jamie the media had proclaimed the concert to be the show stopper of the year. “Your reviews were awesome, you blew them away babe!”
“Yeah sis, I watched the show from the box with the Governor and his party, and believe me they were in lust with you babe. Ooops sorry Loren,”
“No problem,” Loren muttered.
Just then they heard more voices in the outer room, and heard a woman’s voice yell, “JJ dear where are you.”
Loren looked at the singer perplexed and just as Jamie was about to tell her who it was, Jen yelled out, “We’re in here mom.”
“Oh there you are dear, your father and I heard the reviews on the radio and we went out to pick up extra newspapers so you could read them.” She tossed them on the bed as she sat on the edge, opening a paper, then realizing she had ignored Loren said, “Oh sorry” and passed her a paper, “how are you dear?”
“Hi,” Loren said through a choked voice, that cracked halfway through the word. Loren swallowed and gave Jamie a pained expression.
Just then a deep masculine voice yelled to his wife who responded, “In here dear,” distractedly as she read the paper.
My god, Loren thought, her eyes as round as saucers, not Jamie’s dad, dear god take me now, please remove me from here and I’ll never miss a Sunday service from this point, in fact I’ll go everyday...just take me! The lawyer slumped down trying to hide under the blankets but with everyone sitting on the bed she couldn’t pull them up higher. There was just enough to cover her, but enough uncovered so that you knew she was naked. Jamie never said a word, her eyes kept looking around the bed at each person talking as she showed off a pale sick looking expression.
My god, she thought, what are they doing, they never come into my room like this.
Just then Jamie’s dad entered the room, “Hi everyone party start without me,” he came over and sat beside Jamie on the bed. “Oh sweetheart,” he said leaning over and planting a kiss on Jamie’s cheek. “You did good last night, I’m so proud of you.” Then he turned. “Hi Loren, great show last night huh, I really enjoyed it.”
Loren was utterly speechless her mouth was hanging open and she looked green.
“By the way Jamie, Bill said to tell you...
“What,” Loren mumbled a touch sarcastically, “he isn’t coming in with you guys to deliver the message himself?” Loren let out a groan as Jamie’s elbow hit its desired destination.
“Oh, ok thought you did, but well Bill said to tell you, and he said to emphasis this with Loren, that you had them all turned inside out last night.”
Loren’s face turned a deep purple red, she closed her eyes and wished she was dead. Jamie broke out into laughter. Everyone got off the bed and walked to the door, just before they left they turned in unison and yelled, “Got cha!”
Jamie laughed even louder as the family left the room, Loren was looking at Jamie in horror. “That is a family gotcha? Remind me not to play with your family,” she said as she lay back on the pillows hoping she was really dreaming and this hadn’t been happening.
Jamie wiped the tears from her face and jumped on top of Loren, “Aren’t they cool?”
“Not the words I’d use to describe them,” Loren said with a laugh.
Jamie kissed her long and hard, with just enough passion to stir the pot. Loren responded with a groan and threaded her fingers through the blond’s hair. Jamie tossed back the blankets and grabbed Loren’s hand. “Un un lover, shower then food, I’m starving. But if you’re good, I’ll let you wash me all over,” she said wiggling her eyebrows deviously.
“You’re on hot stuff,” Loren said stretching as she climbed out of the bed and made her way to the shower.
Loren had stood by and seen how chaotic the singer’s life had become with interviews and concerts. The groupies had been an unpleasant side effect of each city. The lawyer was tired of seeing Jamie groped and placed into compromising situations, she had grown short of temper. The singer took it all in stride and let it slide off her back without losing her temper once, she understood it was part of who she was.
However Loren wasn’t handling the situation very well at all, she hated this part of the business. She had been giving the singer as much time to herself as she could arrange. Mostly to avoid a confrontation as she realized her inability to deal with the issue. She knew Jamie was very tired, they were arguing more and more. Loren was having a hard time dealing with the groupies who were everywhere.
She was angry with Jamie for never pushing them away, even when they kissed her and invaded her privacy. Jamie tried to explain it was her rocker persona, what was expected, not who she was or who she preferred to be with. Loren was quickly coming to the end of her rope over the whole tour. If she had more time to be acclimatized to the setting it might have gone smoother. She was jealous and that was the problem, she understood why Sam never wanted to see this side of the business.
After the Paris concert date the two were sitting quietly in the limo on their way back to the hotel. Jamie was dozing slightly when Loren slid her hand along the small blond’s leg. “Why don’t you go up to your room and I’ll join you.”
“Oh Loren, I’m so tired, can we relax and spend the day together tomorrow its free time we so desperately need.”
The lawyer was distracted by the hotel manager and looked down at the blond and gave her a strained smile and said, “Sure whatever, unh maybe, it’ll be late. Have a good night I’ll see you later.” Then turned her attention back to the manager.
Jamie, sighed she was tired and cranky, “Fine, I guess I’ll have to find some other company!”
Loren raised her eyebrow and decided to disregard the comment.
The singer left her body tight with anger, she entered the elevator stabbing the up button to take her to the penthouse suite. Opening the door, she started to undress as soon as she entered the room heading for the shower, dropping her clothes to the floor leaving them where they had fallen. Jamie stopped and looked into the mirror, she knew she was tired, only a few more concerts to go she thought. Putting on her t-shirt and boxing shorts, she climbed into bed and immediately fell asleep.
The singer awoke in the early morning to realize that Loren hadn’t come to her room. She laid back and contemplated the situation, it was time for her to talk seriously with Loren. The singer loved her, she didn’t want the side issues of touring to tear them apart. Sliding out of bed with a sigh, Jamie headed into the shower thinking that after she was finished she would track down Loren and talk with her.
Jamie started the shower and stepped into the hot water spray letting it massage her body. She was stepping out of the shower when she heard a noise in her room. Thinking it was Loren she smiled and yelled, “Come in here my sweet and help me.” Walking naked around the corner and out through the bathroom door patting her hair dry with a towel she stopped dead in her tracks.
Jamie screamed, “Loren, NO!”
The blond got off the bed and walked towards Jamie, “Hello darling, you don’t look happy to see me.” The singer threw the towel on the floor and grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, as she dressed she told the blond to get out. “You didn’t tell me that last time you were here,” she said petulantly.
“No,” Jamie said, “I didn’t, but I really don’t remember asking you then or now, now get out before I have you thrown out. How the hell did you get in here anyway?”
The unwelcome visitor shrugged her shoulders put her clothes back on and sauntered to the door. “If you want me, you know where to find me, by the way Tony said Hi,” and walked out the door.
Jamie put on a pair of running shoes and raced down the hallway to Loren’s suite, she let herself in with the key card to find the room empty. She then took the elevator downstairs and ran into Jen and Kelsey in the lobby.
“Did you see Loren anywhere?”
“No,” Kelsey said. “But we did see Rebecca leaving, did you invite her over?” she asked disbelief in her voice.
“No, don’t be stupid,” Jamie replied in an acid laced voice. “She invited herself over and Loren walked in, she didn’t stay with me last night, I mean Loren didn’t stay with me, well neither did Rebecca, oh hell, Loren assumed we, Rebecca and I, were, well, I was in the shower and Rebecca was naked in the room and ....”
“Oh no,” Kelsey said running her fingers through her hair, “oh Jamie I’m so sorry, listen we’ll go take a look around, explain the situation and bring Loren back.”
Jamie sat down dejected. “Why didn’t she stay and talk to me,” she asked perplexed.
“Well honey,” Jen said gently putting her arms around her sister. “You haven’t been very approachable lately, in fact I got the impression that all there was between you and Loren was a well....a physical thing,” she said sheepishly looking down and peering up under her eyebrows awaiting a reaction from her sister.
“Are you crazy Jen!” Jamie practically shouted jumping up. “She’s everything to me.”
“Then why are you constantly talking about the future as if its only you, I don’t hear a we in any of your conversations. Why do you, well, why do you keep encouraging all those groupies. You know what it does to Loren.”
Stunned Jamie looked at her with tears sliding slowly down her face. “I do that,” she said in a tiny voice.
“Yeah sis,” Jen said as she stood and again wrapped her arms around her sister. “You do.”
“Oh god, I’ve ruined it and now she’s gone,” Jamie’s tortured voice broke.
“Noooo!” Jen and Kelsey said in unison, “she’s upset honey, she’ll come back it’ll be ok.”
“I don’t think it will,” Jamie said in a small voice. “I don’t think she will.”
Bill tapped on the singer’s door later that morning, Jamie scrambled off the bed and frantically wrenched the door open. “Loren?”
Bill knelt down beside her, “Jamie, Jamie are you ok? Do you want me to get Sue?”
Jamie turned lost frightened eyes to Bill’s warm brown ones and said, “No, it won’t help me, nothing will.” And sobbed to break her heart for a long time in Bills arms.
Bill gently picked up the singer in his arms where she had drifted into sleep. He laid her on the bed and strode over to where the note rested on the floor.
Bill picked up the paper, Loren had basically written that she had had enough. She apologized for walking in on Jamie and her friend, but now she understood why the singer couldn’t fully commit to her. She wished her luck and told her she had taken care of all the arrangements for the last seven concerts and that Bill was more than qualified to fill the position of body guard for her.
Bill looked at Jamie and back at the paper, “Oh Jamie honey I’m so sorry.” He walked over to the sleeping beauty and kissed her gently on the cheek.
Jamie’s eyes fluttered open, she sat up disorientated. She turned two emerald pools toward the note in Bill’s hand, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.
“Is there any....can I do any....oh hell Jamie this sucks.”
“No Bill,” she said quietly, “there’s a lot of things I should had said and done and I didn’t, if I lost her its my fault. You go on I’ll be ready to leave for the stadium in an hour.” Bill reluctantly slipped out the door and went to talk with Kelsey, Jen and Sue.
Picking herself off the floor, her life had to change, determination mounted on her face. She had made the decision that she would do whatever it took to get Loren back, to prove to her that she was ready for the commitment. To let go.
The second last concert was and afternoon one in Vancouver, Canada with two nights off then the final performance in her home town, the city of L.A. Immediately after the Vancouver concert Jamie left on a private charter with Bill and Sue and headed home.
The first task she undertook with the help of Bill and Sue was to completely remove the last vestiges of her life with Sam and Christian. She had pictures and some memorabilia saved with a few photo’s so that she could look at them. The rest she removed, and began converting the old rooms into a recording studio and office for herself and hopefully, Loren.
Things aren’t always what they seem, if you love me, give me one final chance to prove I can move on. Please be at the last concert, then you’ll understand. If you’re not there, then I will understand.
I love you,
She looked lean, hungry and very sensual. The crowd was vibrant, they loved Jamie’s concerts, she was their idol. Electricity was flowing, they were pumped, however there was an edge to the crowd. The rumor they had been hearing about this being Jamie’s last, as in forever final concert was tearing at them. There was a feeling of expectation from the crowd. They had laughed with her, sang with her, let their feelings ride emotional highs with her throughout her tour and tonight. They wanted to know and they needed to know and they demanded to know.
Loren watched from the side of the stage, she was concerned and saddened as she saw the tiredness that was displayed in Jamie’s eyes. The lawyer had watched the news speculation over whether or not this was Jamie James’ last concert. She was thankful this was the last concert in this tour, she knew however that this wouldn’t be her last, Jamie was connected to her fans, could she leave them behind? At least for a while? It was the catalyst that drove her, she never gave herself permission to relax, to search out another life or being.
Loren had returned to LA after the hotel room incident, heart broken. She knew that they had not spoken of commitment that the singer was trying. But did an argument mean you find love in another persons arms? Did it mean you stopped trying?
Jamie spoke softly into the headset microphone, the crowd grew still. “There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to make decisions. Well I’ve made some recently and I hope you will come to agree that they are the right decisions for me. I have a loving family, good health, incredible fans and someone waiting who loves me for me. I have to try and make that work. So I’m leaving for awhile,” the crowd started to go wild, she put her hand up to silence them and they did, “I’d like to tell you how I feel, and why, in this next song. Its for you and me.”
“My heart has run over with what you have given me and will always give me, but its time I moved on, I love you all, but I want to go home,” Jamie turned her head to search the side of the stage, finding her blue eyes she whispered, “with you forever.”
The sweet sound of music filled the air and Jamie’s voice began to sing, a song filled with words of who she once was and what she hoped to be. But mostly letting Loren know she had faced her ghosts from the past and was ready to face her future.
Don’t be afraid, close your eyes,
lay it all down, don’t you cry
Can’t you see I’m going, where I can see the sun rise,
I’ve been talking to my angel, and he says that its alright
I’ve always had to run, I don’t know just why,
Desire slowly smoking under the mid west sky,
There’s something waiting out there, that says I’ve got to try,
I’ve been talking to my angel, and he says that its alright.
Sometimes they want to own me, sometimes they wish I’d change,
But I can feel the thunder, underneath my feet,
I sold my soul for freedom, its lonely but its sweet.
Don’t be afraid, close your eyes,
lay it all down, don’t you cry
Can’t you see I’m going, where I can see the sun rise,
I’ve been talking to my angel, and he says that its alright
As the band continued to play bringing the soft music to a crescendo, Jamie stood and walked to the edge of the stage spread her arms wide and gathered them to her chest. Indicating that she held the crowd in her heart. She placed a kiss on her fingertips and softly blew it out to the crowd. She placed the microphone to her lips and said, “Thank you, I’ll love you all forever.” The fans were openly crying and a slow thunder was rolling in a surge throughout the stadium. They were stomping their feet and screaming Jamie, Jamie, almost drowning out the band.
Jamie looked out at them, tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned, took the head set off and laid it on the stool. She walked towards the band and again spread her arms out and gathering them back to her chest. Then she looked at each one nodding her head and softly tapped her heart to tell them they had a special place always. She moved towards the side of the stage passed her guitar to the stage hand, while looking into soft wet blue eyes. She wrapped Loren in her arms, whispering, “Take me home.”
Loren placed her arm around Jamie’s waist and led her out to the waiting limo and their life together.
“The rumor is that the last song she sang the one we just played for you was a reflection from her past, and her path to her future. Well Jamie girl if you’re listening…”
“I am,” Jamie thought as she snuggled into Loren’s arms, they both were.
“You go girl, you be happy and all of us will be waiting right here to welcome you back.”
“Yeahhhhhhh,” Ted broke in sexily, “I’m here waiting for you toooooooooo, heheh. In fact L.A. truth be known, I’d wait forever for that woman!”
Loren scowled and Jamie laughed as she placed warm lips on Loren’s, “No fear my love, now, where were we.”