Love avowed

By: Athenian Bard

Disclaimers: These characters are my own. This is the story of love between two women, if that offends you read something else!

Dedications: To My Betas and my friends Al, and Vali thanks you were my role models, I hope to follow in your foot steps!

Feedback: If you want to drop me a line about the story, please e-mail me at femalespielburg@yahoo.com. Harsh comments will be immediately deleted, but constructive criticism is always welcome.

Copyright December 2005 by Athenian Bard. All Rights Reserved.

Love is a vowed and sacred yet intangible thing. The thing that everyone chases after hoping to someday attain it. To have it, then to lose it can be devastating, and then of course there is that old adage, "Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." What a bunch of crap! For someone to take away the love of your life sucks no matter what the circumstances. They can throw all the adages they want at you; it doesn't make up for the loss, the unbearable loss.

Robin was all I had. Nothing in my life even came close to ever making sense. The looks the stares, the built up, and she just couldn't handle it anymore. My precious love, she wasn't strong enough to suffer the slings and arrows they continued to send our way. I tried to make her stand up before she was ready. I was tired of hiding our relationship and I pushed her into the open before she was ready.

I will always feel responsible for her destruction. Now I sit in my room listening to D.H.T's "Listen to your heart", reliving all of our good memories together. Such as the time we went to the state fair. She was so beautiful that day, her brown shoulder length hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing her favorite top, which also happened to be my favorite because it best displayed her cleavage, her green lace top that she said was lucky because she got it from Forever 21 for only $4, with her low rider jeans. That day was magical; it was the first day I realized that my feelings for her were returned. That was the best day of my life. I kissed her that day, right there on the Ferris wheel. She had the softest lips, I had ever felt. Kissing her I got this immensely light headed feeling like I might pass out. I will never forget that as long as I live. It started to rain and we just laughed while running back to my car. We just sat there, watching the rain and talking, there was never an awkward pause between us. Then out of the blue she turned her big green eyes on me, and I stood motionless, lost in her eyes that held such warmth and love for me there. To think that is all gone from me know, that I had a hand in destroying that rips my heart out.

Yesterday was our 4 month anniversary. I wonder if she remembers that. I went to go visit her at St. Christopher's, they wouldn't let me see her. They said her parents had listed me on the 'Do not admit' list. I can't say that I blame them. The whole thing was my fault, and I have to live with that, I have to live with the fact that I put the most caring and loving individual into the hospital. That she will never again be able to find joy in life's little treasures, see her little sister grow up. I pushed her into going to the dance with me. I knew she wasn't ready, she said it. But I pushed her by saying if she loved me she would do this. I knew of course this would get her to do it, if only I had stopped and listened to what she was saying.

So we went to the dance, her in a beautiful strapless aqua gown and me in a suit. I thought it was going ok. There of course were the expected stares and whispers but I never expected the reaction we got. The anger and hostility directed at us, we never even kissed, she drew the line at that, saying she wouldn't go so far and be a public spectacle. That's when Adam came up to us yelling and spewing expletives at us, asking why the dykes decided to show up. And of course he couldn't come by himself; he had to bring his entire goon squad because he knew one on one I could take him. As I had done two weeks prior when he was picking on Robin. I don't know if I did it to make a statement or to just piss him off more. But no matter what Robin said I didn't back done, stating that the reason we turned to women was because they weren't man enough for us. I knew that would get him especially since he and Robin had dated two years prior.

Next thing I know we are fighting, fist flying everywhere all in the middle of the dance floor. I gave him a bloody nose and he got me in the stomach, knocked the wind right out of me. I remember Robin yelling at us to stop crying, ruining the beautiful makeup she had spent hours putting on. She told me because she wanted this to be a night we never forgot.

That's when Principle Harris came over with the security guards and pulled me off of Adam. Taking me into one of the side rooms, he asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine. He said that a high school prom wasn't really a good place to make a social statement. Like he knew what is was like, to go to high school with people who hated you. Not just the typical hatred one faces of being a geek a nerd or cheerleader or some combination there off, but because of who you fell in love with. Always having to look over your back, the constant bullying from peers and sometimes even teachers; he just didn't get it. I told him fine and got my jacket and told Robin we were leaving.

Robin fussed over me all the way to the car, saying she knew this was a bad idea, and why did I have to antagonize him. She was right of course but I didn't want to admit that, so what did I do I yelled at her to stop her bitching. In our entire 11 year friendship I had never yelled at her, usually she was the one mad at me. I can't believe that the last moments we spent together and I spent them yelling at her, saying that she should have stood up, and stop hiding, to either make her mind up about being with me or not. Oh my god I wish I could take those words back, but you never think when saying these hurtful and vicious things that they will be the last thing you ever say to them. We were driving down Ecorse, which is this two lane road with no streetlamps, when I notice someone is following us and closely. She notices too, and starts to worry, I tell her not to that of course I KNOW WHAT TO DO what a joke. So I speed up, hoping to reach the bridge, I knew they wouldn't follow us over that. Of course they had other ideas, they rammed my bumper. I sped up more but so did they; they drove along side of us on my side of the car. It was Adam and his crew, I should have known. And they rammed us, HARD. I lost control of the car and hit a tree.

I woke up in the emergency room 3 hours later. They said that they would have to keep me over night for observations. My mom was sitting at my bedside, she was crying. That's when I remembered what happened, and I asked the question that forever changed my life: How is Robin? They told me she at the time was in surgery. That was 2 weeks ago. Since then she has slid into a coma, she wasn't wearing her seat belt and to make matters worse a branch came through the window and went through her abdomen.

Adam and everyone in his car were charged with vehicular assault and even charged under that Hate crimes act. Ever since Mathew Shepard they have been strict about it. And because of our obvious sexual orientations and his assault on me earlier at the dance it doesn't look like he has a chance. That only provides me with a small degree of comfort. I still feel responsible. Principle Harris was even fired from his job, they said he mishandled the situation at prom, I just think it was a lot of bureaucratic crap trying to cover their own asses.

I am still without my love, she is gone from me. They don't think she can recover from her injuries. I can't even see her, I stopped by to see her mother upon my release and she wouldn't even look at me. Her mom has always loved me even said I was like a second daughter, she even took our side with Robin's dad, but I guess that goes away when you put someone's daughter in the hospital. The nurses say she's brain dead, she had something happen while in surgery, I was too emotional to understand what they were saying. They are trying to talk her parents into organ donation, I don't know if they have agreed to it or not. I can't find out anything and that just sucks.

I have to know live with the fact that I killed the one person in my life who loved me without conditions. I start college in two months, a college we planned on going to together. She was my roommate, and now I will be in my room alone, the way I fear I will be for the rest of my life. So save me the adages about love, unless you've killed the person you love, save that shit for someone who cares.

The End

To comment email Athenian Bard at femalespielburg@yahoo.com

Return to the Academy