Miss-Match

by Aurelia and A.C. Henley

DISCLAIMER: This is an original work of fiction. All characters are the property of the authors and are not to be reproduced without permission.

GENERAL DISCLAIMER: No teddy bears were harmed during the writing of this story.

FEEDBACK: We are always open to feedback. Feel free to contact Aurelia at aurelia_fan@yahoo.com.au or A.C. at henleyac@yahoo.com

© March 2008

* * *

“Please! Aunt Goldie!” Clancy had wondered who she had wronged in this life to be suffering now as she worried a long strand of blonde hair between her fingers.

“But Clancy dear… what was wrong with Michael?” Minerva Goldberg sat back in her overstuffed chair and watched her adopted niece pace the hard wood floor of her parlor. The old Jewish woman had taken Clancy under her wing and was intent on finding her a husband.

“You know, when my mother asked you to look after me I don’t think it included my love life.” An agitated hand crossed her brow in frustration.

Clancy was fast approaching that magical age of 30 and, according to Mrs. Goldberg, she was as good as dead. This date had been a failure from the start, in a long line of failures, and it looked like her singular status was going to stay that way.

“Oi vey. I have never failed in my duty, Clancy, and you are not going to be my first.” Mrs. Goldberg took her matchmaking duties very seriously. “So, what was wrong with Michael? He had parsley between his teeth? His tie was crooked? He dribbled his soup? What?”

“There was just no magic there, Aunt Goldie.”

“Magic isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, Clancy honey. You’re a sweet girl…”

Clancy inwardly moaned. Oh no… ‘you’re a sweet girl’. It was the kiss of death. It meant just about anything, from ‘you’re an ugly bitch’, to ‘there’s a booger hanging out of your nose’, to ‘you need mouthwash… and bad’.

“You have set me up with… how many men?”

“At last count, eight, and you’ve rejected all of them. Too tall, too fat, too thin, too short, too… this and that. They were all too…”

“…much, aunty. I want to live my own life.”

“But, you should have a man…”

“And none of them appeal to me. Is it me or is it them?”

Goldie bit her tongue. How could she say that Clancy was dragging her feet? But she could see that the young woman could read her like a book. Damn her expressive face. “None… at all? Not even in your college years?”

“I was too busy for that kind of thing. I had a plan for business college and boys weren’t in the schedule.”

“Hmmm…”

“What?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Goldie smiled and flipped open her card file that sat next to her chair. Her fingers danced across the cards until she found what she was looking for.

Why did Clancy have a feeling that nothing was actually something? Surely there were more twenty-nine year old virgins in the world besides herself. What was the big deal anyway?

Goldie read the information on the card with a secret smile. “You have a date Saturday afternoon. Dress casual for lunch at the 24^th Street Café.”

Clancy sighed and her shoulders slumped. “It’s just going to be the same, aunty.”

“Nonsense!” Goldie rose to her feet and hung an arm across the younger woman’s shoulders. “This next one will be perfect. Trust me.”

She walked her Clancy to the front door of her small house. “One o’clock lunch… oh, and wear a white carnation.”

Before her niece could argue the point, she shooed the girl out the door with a wave and a smile. She watched out the door’s window until Clancy had pulled away from the curb before rushing back to her chair. She had arrangements to make.

* * *

Clancy arrived at the café five minutes early, requesting a booth near the window in the hope she would get a good look at her lunch date before he arrived. She ordered a hot cup of tea and idly watched the sidewalk traffic go by. Several men entered the establishment but none were wearing a white carnation. As the clock on the wall ticked by, finally clicking over to one-thirty, she began to think she had been stood up. Just like her life. Ticking towards that ever-shortening deadline.

While in mid-sip from her tea cup a tap on the window made her jump. A woman on the street was waving at her and mouthing the word ‘sorry’, pointing to the cell phone pressed to her ear. Clancy looked around to see who the woman was communicating with but found no one paying attention. When she looked back the woman had turned her back to her and seemed to be having an animated conversation with whoever was on the other end of the phone.

She sat her now empty tea cup down and waved at the waitress who hurried over to her. “I’m ready for my check.”

“Stood up?” the waitress idly asked as she prepared to write up the bill.

Just as Clancy was about to answer, the other side of the booth was occupied and a melodic voice apologized. “Sorry about that. I had to settle a little work dispute.”

Clancy’s green eyes blinked at the woman who had tapped on the window moments before. “Errr…. I think there’s been a mistake.”

The woman tucked her long black hair behind her ears and looked at Clancy with vibrant blue eyes. “Mrs. Goldman sent me.” She held up the corner of her black shirt where a small white carnation was pinned.

“But… but you’re a woman.”

“Give the girl a cookie.” Those same blue eyes lit up with mischief. “I’m glad somebody noticed.”

“I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

“Well, it seems Goldie is trying to match you up with a woman.”

“A w-w-w-woman?”

“Let’s not go through that again, okay?” The brunette was amused at the stunned look on her blind date. “Hello, my name is Carmen Pratka.” An elegant hand extended across the formica in greeting.

Dumbly, Clancy took it in her own sweaty palm, forgetting to shake it. Her mind was still playing catch up with the situation. A woman? What possessed Goldie to do such a thing? Maybe it was a joke. Yeah, that was it.

“Look, errr….”

“Carmen.”

“Carmen. You can report back to Goldie that I got the joke, okay? I will try harder next time. Now… if you will excuse me…”

“Hey! Hey! Hold on! I just got here.”

“I think Goldie is playing a joke on you.” Clancy just wanted to disappear and forget the lunch date ever happened.

“That’s not what she told me.”

“Told… you?” Clancy sat down again, wincing as the leather cushion whooshed with her weight. “What… did… she… tell… you?”

“Well, I think that would be breaking doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“True, except Goldie is not a doctor and I am sure you are not her patient.”

“She warned me about your skepticism.” Carmen asked the hovering waitress for a menu then turned back to Clancy. “She’s never been wrong about these things you know. Mrs. Goldberg is a legend in this neighborhood.”

Clancy shook her finger in the air. “I am not gay!” She cringed as she heard her own voice echo in the now very quiet café. She bit her bottom lip as she sank down into the booth trying desperately to disappear. “Do I look gay?” she asked in a harsh whisper across the table to the smiling brunette.

“You could pass,” the waitress said with a serious nod as she delivered Carmen’s menu. “I’ll give you a minute to decide.” She winked at the dark headed woman before leaving.

“See? Maybe you just haven’t given it any thought.” Carmen studied the menu as she dismissed Clancy’s denial.

Clancy crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. How could her aunt even consider a woman as an option for her? “I’ve never….”

“That’s what Mrs. Goldberg said.” Carmen closed the menu after making her lunch choice. She looked across the table at her sulking lunch partner. “Maybe, just maaaaybe, Mrs. Goldberg has you pegged. If not, what’s the harm in sharing a little lunch?”

Clancy considered that for a moment. What harm would it do to have lunch with the woman? She certainly was easy on the eyes and her personality radiated off her filling the room.

“Okay. Lunch.” Her finger came back up and shook once again in Carmen’s direction. “But nothing else.”

“We’ll see.” Carmen said and beamed a perfect smile. The waitress returned and she pointed to two items on the menu before giving the woman a sultry smile and a wink. The brunette laughed inside as she watched the scared woman eyeing her nervously from across the table.

“It’s okay, you know. I’m not going to eat you.” Her mind couldn’t help but add ‘yet’ to the conversation. “I’ve already ordered and since you weren’t on the menu I settled for pastrami on rye.”

Why didn’t that calm Clancy’s nerves? Could it have been those piercing eyes boring a hole into her or the feline smile that spoke volumes about what the woman was thinking? The woman looked like she was stalking her and she was the prey.

The silence was maddening. “So, what do you do, errrr…,” what was the woman’s name? “…Carmen.”

“Clothing distribution.”

“That’s it?”

“Pretty much.” Carmen was getting perverse pleasure out of seeing the woman squirm. But while the woman asked the questions there was still a chance she was interested.

“That’s like saying ‘I work for a living’.”

“It’s a job, what about you?”

“I thought you said Goldie told you everything?”

“Everything that was important. Not the boring stuff.”

“My job is boring?”

“Is it?” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at the frown tattooed on the blonde’s face. It was just too easy.

“I have a very important job.” But Carmen looked disinterested. “I do! I am a… a… government contractor.” Clancy smiled, pleased with her exaggerated job description.

“Like a spy or something?”

Clancy chewed the inside of her cheek. “Maybe.”

“I think you’re making it up.” Carmen eased back and allowed her sandwich to be delivered.

Clancy bit her bottom lip and watched her ‘date’ flirt with the comely waitress. She hardly noticed when a plate was set before her until the scent of hot sourdough bread and roasted vegetables tickled her nose. She examined the sandwich closely, pulling the bread apart and inspecting the interior.

“Don’t worry, there’s no meat,” Carmen said before tearing into her own sandwich with gusto.

“Goldie told you I was a vegetarian?”

“Like I said, the important stuff.” Carmen took another bite of meat and rye.

“So what else did she tell you? My bra size?”

“34B.” Carmen’s eyes were plastered to the food she was feeding into her mouth. “Hey, this is pretty good,” she mumbled around the masticated food.

“Oh, Lord…” Was there no privacy? If Goldie told this woman all her secrets, what had the men she had dated known?

“What?” Carmen’s mouth stopped chewing. “The food’s no good? You can always order something else…” She was about to signal to the hovering waitress when the blonde cut across her thoughts.

“No! No… it’s fine.” Clancy picked up the sandwich and took a healthy bite. At least it would stop her putting her size seven foot into her mouth. This had to be the worst date of her life, if it was a date. No, stop that! It’s not a date. Now her mind was arguing with itself. She was losing it. Why was this woman upsetting her?

“So, Spygirl, are you planning my demise? Gonna torture me into submission?” White, even teeth grinned at her impishly. “Now that could be interesting.”

“Stop that!” Clancy hissed across the table. “Why do you keep teasing me?”

“Cause you’ve got to loosen up, Clancy, if this relationship…”

“Hey! Hey! Hang on! Relationship? What relationship? We are having lunch and already it’s a relationship? When did that happen?”

“In the five minutes you were contemplating whether to eat or run.”

“Maybe I should have run.”

“Maybe you should have.”

“Are you a stalker and I don’t know it yet?”

“Stalking is such a harsh word. I am known for my persistence though. Does that count?” Carmen watched Clancy play with a strand of her long blonde hair. She wondered if the woman realized what a looker she was. Probably. Someone that stunning had to be aware of her looks.

Lunch settled into an uneasy draw as each woman ate and pondered the other.

Carmen could hardly wait to give Mrs. Goldberg a call to fill her in. She got a definite ping off the woman across from her, now it was just a matter of making Clancy realize she had been playing on the wrong team, or hoped to be playing on the right team. A twenty-nine year old virgin, go figure!

Clancy was busy trying to figure a graceful way out of the restaurant. She contemplated setting a fire in the women’s bathroom and making her escape in the mayhem that followed. Or I could just set her on fire and run. Clancy was saved from committing a capitol crime when Carmen’s cell phone rang.

There was another heated exchange between the brunette and who ever was on the other end of the line before the phone was flipped closed. “I’m sorry to eat and run…,” Carmen wagged the phone in the air, “…but I have to go kick some drama queen’s ass.”

And just like that lunch ended.

Clancy sat for a long moment alone in the booth. It had been the most bizarre hour she had ever spent with another human being in her life, and that was quite the statement considering her overbearing parents and her aunt Goldie.

“Anything else, sweetie?” the waitress asked as she picked up the now empty plates.

“Just the check, thank you.”

“Your girlfriend took care of it.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Clancy huffed, scooting out of the booth.

The waitress smiled sweetly. “Can I have her number then?”

Clancy’s jaw dropped open. “No!”

“Sheesh. So selfish. If you’re not going to grab her up at least give the rest of us a chance.”

* * *

Clancy should have gone right home but instead she detoured to Aunt Goldie’s house while her righteous indignation was still in high gear. How dare she! A-a-woman! The old woman to try to hitch her with a woman? She was pretty sure that she had stipulated a man when the ludicrous idea of a matchmaker was brought up. Clancy sifted back through her memories to that fateful day. Hmmmm…. Yeeesssss, a man. She definitely said a man. That left senility.

The front door rattled as she banged energetically on the glass.

“Yeessss???? Who is it?”

“One angry woman!”

“Sorry, I already gave.”

“Goldie, open this door!” Clancy could feel the old woman’s presence behind the cloth-covered glass. “Damn it woman. Open up! Now!”

“Watch your mouth young lady.” An irate Jewish grandmother stood before her, angrily waving a crooked finger at her. “I will not tolerate such language.”

“But…” Clancy’s offensive had suddenly gone on the defensive. “That lunch date…”

“Ooooo…” The frown was replaced with a smile. “Come in, come in. Tell me all.”

“All? There’s nothing to tell. How could you?”

“How could I… what?”

“Don’t play innocent with me, old woman. That was a nasty trick to play on me.”

“Trick? Noooooo, that was no trick.”

Clancy searched those muddy brown eyes for the truth. “It was for real? Why? What on earth possessed you to arrange a date with a… a…”

“Woman? It’s not a dirty word, Clancy dear.”

“It may as well be. You know I said men when we started on this journey of yours to Wonderland.”

“Well, Alice, since you have shown absolutely no interest in any of the men I have slavishly organized to take you out, I had to try something… or someone… else.”

“But… why her?”

“Carmen is a lovely girl, Clancy. She is easy-going, funny, vivacious and, best of all, unattached.”

Clancy mentally reviewed the list. “Okay, that’s all true. But let’s not forget the female part. I am not gay!”

“Eh.” Goldie shrugged, “Is it such a bad thing?”

The blonde growled and left, leaving an amused Minerva Goldberg to rush to the phone.

* * *

Clancy held her breath all Sunday for a phone call from Goldie, but there was nothing. She didn’t know whether to feel relieved or worried. By Monday evening, she was satisfied that the whole incident with Carmen Pratka was behind her.

* * *

On her way home from work she stopped in at her local supermarket to stock up on supplies. Her refrigerator had been growling lately because of its empty stomach, and she was never one to ignore her fridge’s rumblings.

The gentle sound of crappy muzak sat in the air like a bad smell as she wandered up and down the aisles slowly filling up her shopping basket.

“Shoppers, we have a special in the produce section. For the next ten minutes…” Clancy didn’t wait to hear the rest of the message. Any special in the produce section was right up her alley.

Once she brought Goldie with her, but never again. The old woman was convinced the muzak was the Devil’s work, with subliminal messages buried in its tinny tunes to make her buy more. Maybe it did. Here she was rushing to the produce section because the loud speaker told her to.

She was feeling up a few tomatoes when she was startled by a tap on her shoulder. Her hand flexed and the small Roma in her hand collapsed under her fist. Tomato pulp oozed out around her fingers, dripping sluggishly onto the stand below.

“Ewww. You’re gonna have a hard time ditching that.” Carmen grinned at the distressed woman. She was going to phone Goldie and thank her for the fun.

“No, no, no, no,” Clancy whined. “This is not happening.”

“Yup, it is.” Carmen scooted up beside the blonde. “Imagine my surprise to see your luscious backside standing at the tomato display. I said to myself, ‘Self! That there is Clancy Fitzgerald, now is your opportunity to ask her to dinner.’”

“No.” Clancy looked around hastily for someplace to stash the squished tomato.

Carmen grabbed a plastic bag from a nearby dispenser and opened it, allowing the woman to dump the poor Roma into the bag. She shook her hand vigorously to rid herself of the clinging seeds, but they refused to budge. “Damn it to hell…,” she grumbled. In frustration, she grabbed the bag and wiped her fingers with it. “Thanks,” she said reluctantly, handing over the mashed bag and its contents.

“Seven o’clock, I’ll pick you up.” Carmen tied off the bag and buried it under a pile of cucumbers.

“In your dreams.” Clancy placed three undamaged tomatoes into her hand basket before moving on.

“That’s true. My dreams have been very active recently.” Carmen followed her as she moved onto the lettuces. “So what do we have here?” The brunette inspected the contents of Clancy’s basket. “Hmmm… lentils, beans, nuts, tomatoes. Remind me to bring some meat when I come to your place.”

“My place? No way! No dinner and no my place!” God, the woman was pushy!

“Not even dinner at Cesar’s?”

The restaurant was one of the trendier places in town and one Carmen would have liked to have eaten at. She had never found anyone special enough to warrant Cesar’s… at least, not yet.

“There is no way you could have a reservation for tomorrow night. There is a two month waiting list to get into that place.” Clancy idly examined a lettuce head. “Soooo, that’s it! I’m a replacement date. Someone turned you down, huh?”

“They certainly did not!” It was like a slap to Carmen’s ego. “I’ll have you know that I have no problem in getting a date…”

“Unlike me, you mean.” The lettuce was forgotten for the moment.

“No! Not at all. Don’t go putting words in my mouth.”

“Look, just drop it, okay? I’m not going to be a pity date.”

“Will you stop that! You are not a pity date. I want to go out with you!” Carmen’s voice had slowly risen until it had attracted a small audience.

“Yeah, go out with her.” “What’s a date?” “Yeah, shut the woman up, for pity’s sake!” Everyone had advice to give.

“No! And that’s final!”

“Alright then, at least a drink. C’mon, just one drink then I’ll take you home.”

“Yeah, right. Take me home.”

“I’ll drop you at the door and go. One drink at Francesca’s, that’s all.” Carmen’s eyes pleaded. “To say sorry for yesterday. Goldie was just trying to help.”

“Awwww, hell…” Clancy’s gut said to say ‘no’ but her mouth said ‘yes’. “It’s not one of those loud places with that disco stuff, is it?”

“Disco? What decade are you living in? House music? No. The ambiance is very special. One that I am sure you will find… illuminating.”

“I don’t know…”

“Then, I’ll come over for a drink at your place.” If Carmen thought she knew Clancy that thought would push her the other way.

“No! No. Francesca’s is fine.”

Bingo.

“Seven o’clock then. I’ll pick you up!” Carmen swiveled on her foot to leave. “Oh, and dress sexy.”

“Sexy?”

“Yeah, I want to at least get something out of the night.” She winked at the open-mouthed blonde before wandering off to finish her own shopping.

What had just happened? Clancy had no idea. She tried to replay the whole scene and came to the conclusion that she had been hoodwinked again. She blindly grabbed a head of romaine and headed for the check out.

* * *

The next evening Clancy stood in front of her dressing mirror frowning. There was a pile of rejected clothes on the bed behind her and the outfit she was currently wearing was not right either. A quick glance at the clock on the night stand told her she only had fifteen minutes to go before Carmen would be there to pick her up. I never had this much trouble picking out an outfit to wear on any of my other dates. She discarded the floral dress she had on for a simple black dress that came to her mid-thigh. She checked in the mirror to see if her rear looked okay. When in doubt, go with black.

Clancy took a moment to check out the effect and was starting to have second thoughts. The black number fitted her like a glove, showing off every curve, bump and imperfection that she owned. Did she want to send this message to the woman? What was she thinking? She was about to strip it off when she stopped. What was the point? The black dress was the last piece in her arsenal. It was this or going back through the rejected pile of clothes on the bed.

The phone rang twice before she picked up the cordless from the night stand. She continued her journey to the bathroom to put on make-up, “Hello.” She grabbed her base and began to apply it.

“Clancy.”

“Mom!” The pit of Clancy’s stomach fell. It was D-Day and her parents were storming the beaches of Normandy.

“Minerva said you have a date tonight.”

“It’s just drinks.” She shifted the phone to her other ear so she could do the other side of her face.

“That qualifies.”

“With a woman.”

“Minerva says she’s nice. Gay is okay, honey.”

Clancy removed the phone from her ear and stared at the receiver. She did a quick review of her childhood and couldn’t say there was any defining moment in her life when her parents said “Go for it with a woman, dear. We’re right behind you.” She would have definitely remembered that! Now her mother was sounding like a bumper sticker.

She placed the phone back to her ear. “I am not gay,” she professed evenly into the phone.

“Minerva says it’s not all bad news, honey. A lot of Lesbian couples have full lives with children. I can hardly believe you’re actually going on a second date! I want you to bring her by this weekend.”

Clancy growled as she angrily applied her blush. “We are not dating, Mom.” She picked up her lipstick.

“You went to lunch now you’re off for drinks, I’d say that’s dating. Let me check with your father.”

“But mom…”

The piercing yell of her mother calling her father burst from the receiver and caused her to cringe and pull the soft pink lipstick across her right cheek. “Sonofabitch!”

“Beg your pardon?” A familiar bass voice scolded her.

“Sorry, Dad.” She quickly cleaned her cheek and reconstructed her makeup.

“Soooo… hot date tonight I hear. Leggy brunette, so your mother says. Second date even.”

“It’s not a date. I keep trying to tell you that. It’s just one drink, Dad. An apology drink then its back home. I will not be seeing her again.”

“If you say so, honey.”

The door bell rang and Clancy found herself relieved to have an excuse to end the torturous call. “I gotta go, Dad. She’s here to pick me up.”

“Well good luck, honey. I can’t wait to meet her this weekend.”

Clancy sighed, “Thanks Dad.”

She felt like an alien visiting Earth for the first time. It was as if the whole world was gay-mad and she was the outsider.

* * *

“Veerrrryyy nice,” Carmen said evenly, her insides churning with anticipation. Her mind was quickly voicing what she really wanted to say. “Holy crapola!” Her eyes narrowed as she checked out the dress. If it was any tighter she could have been naked. Is she wearing a bra? I can’t tell… Carmen knew her eyes lingered a little too long when a discreet clearing of a throat drew her back to Clancy’s face. “Errrr… sorry.”

“Let’s get going.” But Clancy’s ego puffed up a little at the ogling. It was always nice to be appreciated, even if it was a woman.

“Are you in such a hurry?”

“The sooner we have this drink, the sooner I’m back home asleep.” Despite the harsh words there was a tinge of whimsy about them.

“It’s your dime…” Carmen didn’t take offence at the dismissal. She was not one to give up so easily.

As she escorted her date to her car her eyes slid over the slinky dress to the ass so perfectly outlined in the black material. Oh God! Is she wearing any panties? She’s got to be…but I can’t see any. I’m going to have a heart attack. Yeah, she’s wearing them… somewhere, somehow …. It was going to be a long one-drink night…

* * *

This is not a date! This is not a date! This is not a date! Clancy repeated the mantra in her head as Carmen escorted her into Francesca’s. Carmen had been charming to a fault during the car ride, keeping the small talk comfortable and not too mundane. The woman even asked her what music she preferred on the radio for the trip. Now she was gently but confidently holding her hand as she guided Clancy to a table in the dimly lit club. It certainly felt like she was on date even though her stubborn little voice was contradicting that thought.

The table was one in a group of three that bordered a small dance floor that sat in front of a small stage. There were similar groupings of tables around the club, all occupied by couples and foursomes… of women. A jazz quartet played ‘My Blue Heaven’ on the stage and there were several women on the dance floor enjoying the bouncy beat. A waitress in tuxedo pants, crisp white shirt, and bowtie placed two drink coasters on the table.

“What may I get you ladies?”

“I’ll have Maker’s neat.” Carmen ordered then looked expectantly at Clancy, who was processing the fact that she was in a Lesbian club, with a Lesbian, on a very obvious date. “She’ll have a Manhattan.” Carmen smiled at the waitress then nudged Clancy as the woman left to fill their orders. “Are you okay?”

“I’m on a date with a woman,” Clancy hissed, “In a Lesbian bar!”

Carmen smiled charmingly, “Yes you are.”

“This is crazy!”

Carmen looked around and shrugged, “It seems pretty cozy to me. I love this retro stuff.” Her eyes skirted the Art Deco walls and furnishings.

Clancy growled at her companion. “The atmosphere is great, it’s the implication. I am not on a date with you, this is only drinks.”

“I don’t see the problem. You’ll probably never see any of these people again. Relax and enjoy a nice evening out. I promise not to tell anyone you’re straight. I’d hate to get kicked out of here.”

“They would kick me out?” Clancy glanced around the well appointed club. It actually was a very nice place. It was clean and smelled better than any bar she had been in recently, which was something. The last seven dates had ended up in some bar somewhere fighting off the advances of some man who thought buying a woman dinner meant free sex.

“Naaa, I was joking.” Carmen grinned.

Clancy’s shoulders dropped. “Do you have to tease me all the time?”

“No.” Carmen smiled wide this time as she leaned in a little across the small table. “But you’re such an easy target I can’t help myself.”

Clancy rolled her eyes.

The waitress brought their drinks and they settled into silence. Clancy was covertly checking out the other couples in the bar as she swayed slightly to the music being played by a small band who seemed to be proficient in 30’s and 40’s era music. It reminded her of her grandparent’s house in the summer and the small phonograph that played constantly. She smiled as the tune switched to an old Andrew Sisters standard.

Carmen sipped on her whiskey as she watched her date. Clancy was truly a beautiful woman and wondered why no one had been able to break through that stubborn exterior.

Clancy caught sight of two women on the dance floor who were swaying close to one another, taking turns whispering in each other’s ear as they danced. After a few exchanges they shared a soft lingering kiss that made her feel warm to her toes.

Carmen didn’t miss the blush that rose on Clancy’s face and turned to see what might have caused such a reaction. Well, what do you know...? The heat on the floor was steadily rising as was hypnotic movement of wayward hands. As much as she wanted to watch what was going to happen next, Carmen’s eyes returned to her own date.

The blonde didn’t know where to look. The show on the floor had drawn the attention of a number of women, all slowly falling under the spell of the couple.

“Hey there, gorgeous. Can I buy you a drink?”

Hovering over her was a tall, dark-haired beauty, looking every inch a thoroughbred racehorse. A long painted fire engine red fingernail touched Clancy’s chin, tipping it up further to meet the blazing hazel eyes studying her. Those eyes drifted over to the blonde’s drinking partner. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Carmen waited to see what Clancy would do. She could see the look of dread on her face and wondered whether or not to let the scene play out. “Sure. Why not?” Anxious eyes touched her own, begging for a reprieve.

As the tall businesswoman turned away to order the drinks Clancy leaned over the table and whispered, “Are you crazy? What did you do that for?”

“Hey. I’m not your date, remember?”

“But… but…”

“I’ve got my one drink, thank you very much.” Carmen would let it go only so far before stepping in. After all, she only wanted to shake up the woman not scare her to death.

“While we’re waiting for our drinks how about a dance?”

“A… dance?” Clancy’s voice had reached a mousey shrill. Anxiety had turned into terror and she pleaded silently to Carmen to just say ‘no’. Hell… she could do that. “No thanks.”

“Now don’t be shy, sweetheart. Just one little dance to work up an appetite.” Long elegant fingers had wrapped around her wrist and were steadily pulling her out of the chair. Clancy’s eyes opened wide like saucers. What had she gotten herself into? Out of the corner of her eye she saw the smug look on Carmen.

“Sure.” Clancy said then watched the smug look dropped from Carmen’s face like a stone. “Let’s go.”

Before she could change her mind, the businesswoman dragged her across the carpet to the dance floor, pulling her close. The scent of Shalimar assaulted her senses, nearly overwhelming her. The aroma was like the woman… overpowering. The slow music was her nemesis as she was forced to dance wrapped in the woman’s arms.

“Hi, my name’s Naomi, and yours…?”

“Clancy. Nice to meet you.” She wasn’t really but her social instincts answered for her. This was not what she had planned for the night, not that she had gone out with a plan at all. For the moment she was stuck uncomfortably in a woman’s arms dancing cheek to cheek.

* * *

Carmen was kicking herself. She felt that little demon on her shoulder whispering into her ear. It could all so easily come undone if she wasn’t careful, and it was quickly heading to that point. She didn’t want Clancy to be hurt but seeing this barracuda pawing her was just too much to bear. Action was needed. Subtle action.

She scribbled a note on a napkin and motioned for the waitress, who read the note and glanced at the couple Carmen indicated on the dance floor. For good measure she slipped the waitress a twenty dollar bill then stood, grabbing Clancy’s purse and heading for the bar. Over her shoulder she watched the waitress tap Clancy on the shoulder and give her the message.

Clancy cocked her head and pursed her lips as the waitress explained she had a call waiting on the phone at the bar, holding up the napkin and pointing to the message written there. Clancy almost told the woman it possibly couldn’t be for her, then remembered her situation and nodded, offering her dance partner an apologetic smile. She took a deep breath before explaining to the woman who looked rather put out at the interruption. “I really should take the call. It might be one of my kids.”

“Kids?” The woman released her immediately and took a step back. “How many do you have?”

Clancy’s mind took notice of the terrified look on the woman’s face. “Five.”

“Five!” The woman looked ready to faint. “Its okay, go ahead.”

“Thanks, you’re a real sweetie.” Clancy patted the woman’s arm. “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.”

Clancy weaved her way to the bar inwardly smiling at all the appreciative glances she was receiving. These are women, stupid! Remember that! The cold, analytical part of her brain was sending her ‘Danger Will Robinson!’ messages but her soft, squishy, romantic side was lapping it up. She knew it should bother her but somehow her ego just wanted a little pampering, even if it was just this once.

She reached the bar where the bartender smiled warmly at her and handed her a small square of paper along with her purse. The note simply read, ‘Meet me out front.’ Clancy glanced at the table that she and Carmen had been sharing and found it empty. A quick scan of the bar and didn’t show any sign of the brunette either, but her dance partner had already found another companion. I wonder if that line works as good on men as a deterrent. Clancy picked up her purse and thanked the bartender, who gave her a wink and wave as she headed out the door. As the cool evening air hit her she was a bit disappointed to be leaving so soon. Perhaps she could come back and enjoy the band, and maybe Carmen had some more tips to avoid the unwanted advances.

Carmen’s small silver car pulled up to the curb and the horn beeped twice at her. Clancy shook her head as she got into the vehicle. “I would thank you for saving me but it was your fault I was in the mess to begin with,” she admonished the driver who at least had the good manners to look sorry.

“I was an ass,” Carmen admitted, then added, “I apologize.”

“You’ll have to make it up to me.” What the hell am I saying!

Carmen’s mouth dropped open.

Clancy huffed and settled into the seat as she fastened her seat belt. “I know, I know. I can’t believe I said it either!”

“A movie? Or… or… Dinner!” Carmen bounced up and down in her seat.

“How did you know the kid thing would scare her off?” Clancy asked as she mulled over her options for a re-date with Carmen.

The brunette waved her hand, “Ahh, everyone knows Naomi hates kids. Works like shark repellant with her. How about a picnic?”

“Picnic?”

Carmen pulled the car into traffic. “You know, food, outdoors…”

“Bugs, and dirt…”

“Okaaaay… Then how about I surprise you?”

“Oh no. This was surprise enough.” Clancy couldn’t help but smile as Carmen winced apologetically.

“Alright, since drinks didn’t work out, how about coffee tomorrow morning, you pick the place.”

“The cart on the corner of Fifth and Sherman,” Clancy said, thinking what could possibly go wrong at a public coffee cart in the middle of a busy sidewalk.

“Deal.” Carmen extended her hand toward the blonde and smiled as it was taken in a firm shake sealing their meeting in the morning. All was not lost. At least she was still in the running and no talk of a restraining order had been discussed.

* * *

Clancy collapsed on her bed amidst the pile of discarded clothes from earlier in the night. Her eyes slid shut and she replayed the vision of the two women on the dance floor and their rather steamy exchange. Her body reacted alarmingly to the rampant erotic thoughts running amok through her vivid imagination. When her imagination made some subtle substitutions in the scenario, she was madly scrambling to find some moral high ground. “Nuh uh. I am not gay. I can’t possibly be gay.” She just wished that the ceiling could talk and agree with her. She could use some help convincing herself that she was straight. “I think I would know if I were gay.”

She sought help from her past. Guys were always hanging around… hmmm. As she recalled she was constantly telling them to ‘go hump a camel’ or something. No, that didn’t help. Come on, Clancy. There’s got to be someone out there. What about Justin? He was nice enough, if she remembered rightly, right up to the point where he decided he was gay. Then there was George. Damn, he was gay too. This is not good, Clancy girl.

Clancy could feel her arguments slipping through her fingers like sand. There had to be someone, surely. What about what’s-his-name? He was nice, up to the point when their friendly association became a battle of the rival companies. Damn! This was not looking good.

She rolled over and looked at the clock on the bedside stand. It wasn’t too late to make a few calls. Clancy fumbled with her maroon phone book. She dialed the number her finger rested on and waited in quiet anticipation while it rang through.

“Hello?” the deep male voice answered.

“George?”

“Clancy Fitzgerald!”

“How are you, George? How’s David?”

“We’re both humming along nicely, sweetie. What can I do for you?”

“I have a question for you George. Do you think I’m gay?” The guffaw of laughter nearly deafened her as it echoed over the receiver. “George?” The laughter continued. “GEORGE!” There was a deep intake of air on the other end of the receiver.

“Oh God, Clancy. Are you trying to kill me? Of course you’re gay. Are you just finding out?”

“Let me talk to David.” Clancy said abruptly. She could hear bits of muffled conversation before George’s long time partner’s voice came over the phone.

“Clancy honey, I don’t know what to say, but you’re definitely a Lesbian.”

“Damn it!” Clancy stood up and stomped the length of the room. “Why didn’t someone say something to me before!”

“Ummm… usually there’s no need to say anything, in my experience anyway. You fit every detail on the profile, honey.”

“LIKE WHAT EXACTLY!”

“No relationship with a man longer than three weeks unless he was gay. Only ever had female roommates. Drive a pick-up, and wear comfortable shoes to work.”

Clancy reviewed the ridiculous list. “What does me wearing comfortable shoes to work have to do with anything?”

“Take a look at the footwear of your employees, honey.”

Clancy sat heavily on the bed. “Damn it. I have to go.” She hung up the phone on her friend with the shoe fetish.

She rolled back over and once again looked at the ceiling. “Well, it’s you and me, kid…” she muttered. It was going to be a long night of self-examination.

* * *

Clancy stood on the corner of Fifth and Sherman enviously eyeing the patron standing next to her with a hot cup of coffee in his hand. She stomped her feet nervously, looking up and down the street. “Where the hell is she…?” she muttered.

“Miss me?” The low voice flowed over and burrowed into her senses.

“Don’t scare me like that!” Clancy shook her head as if trying to dislodge the warm feeling coursing through her. “No, I didn’t. I was just desperate for a cup of coffee, and you owe me.”

“You could have started without me.”

“If I did that, what would have been the point of me being here at all?”

“This is our third non-date, remember?”

“You’re keeping count now?”

“Sure, I want to know how many of these non-dates it’s gonna take before you actually call it a date.”

Clancy finally brought her eyes to Carmen’s face. She had tried not to look because her mind tended to wander when she did so. The woman’s dark tendrils were massed on top of her head in a rather officious-looking bun. Under her overcoat she wore a severe business suit. Clancy looked up and down, from the tips of her blue stilettos to the top of her well-coiffed head.

“Sorry, business meeting this morning.” Carmen glanced down at her shoes. "I hate these things."

“Don’t let me keep you from business.” Clancy felt decidedly underdressed, standing there in her comfortable flat shoes and pants. Damn, David was right. She hadn’t given a second thought to slipping on those shoes. Now, if she could remember to check out her co-workers without being called a freak she could settle the matter once and for all.

“I’d rather be here… with you.”

Clancy felt her skin crawl… but in a nice way. Tingles skidded across her skin giving her a nice warm fuzzy feeling.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“What is this? Twenty questions? Why me… especially since I have given you all this grief?”

Carmen turned away and ordered two coffees. She handed over one to Clancy and popped the lid on the other one, adding a sugar to the mixture. As she stirred the coffee with a stick she considered the question. “Why? Hmmm. I can’t say yet.”

“Can’t say, or won’t say?” Clancy hated these word games. She popped the lid and dumped four packs of sugar and three tups of cream into her small coffee.

“Can’t… yet. Believe me, when I know, you’ll know.” Carmen did, in fact, have a very good idea but airing it to the skittish woman would make her run for the hills.

Clancy sipped at her coffee, her mind brewing up possible reasons Carmen wanted to pursue a relationship with her when she had said on numerous occasions that she wasn't interested. She ultimately decided it was Carmen's problem and that she would eventually get over it.

"Subject change," she announced. "What is it that you actually do in the clothes distribution business?"

"I procure."

"Like a pimp?"

A fine dark eyebrow rose at her. "Similar, but no." Carmen took a big swig of her sweet smooth brew. She actually hated coffee but any opportunity to spend time with Clancy was worth the sheer horror of drinking it. "How about you, Jane Bond? What exactly do you do for the government?"

Clancy bit her bottom lip and looked across the busy street at her office building. She tilted her head up and glimpsed at the fourteenth flour before turning back to Carmen. "I do some contract work for them."

"Like a hit man?"

Clancy smiled before answering. "Similar, but no."

Carmen chuckled. "I like you. You're a smart ass, and I like a smart ass."

"Lucky me."

"Mrs. Goldberg called me last night. She said your parents were all on board for your coming out. I think that's awesome." Carmen enjoyed the blush that rose up Clancy's neck to cover her face.

"Mrs. Goldberg is a dead woman…" Clancy mumbled as she gulped down the rest of her coffee. She crumpled the cup and tossed it into the small trash can beside the coffee cart.

“I know someone who can help you with that.” The coffee vendor slipped a