True To Yourself

by Carole Mortenson

PART 11— Developing Relationships

Go to Part 1


Jordan was up at 7 a.m. The rain had finally stopped. The power was still off, but she needed to take a shower, even if it was in lukewarm water. She didn't want to go to work with the smell of female sex all over her. It was so wonderful last night, she thought. It was all I could have hoped for.

Before she went to work, she took one last look at Andy lying peacefully in bed with a smile on her face. She felt a slight arousal again. Not now!

She forced herself to think of her job. She knew she was going to have to tough it out for the next twenty-four hours on very little sleep because of the increased incidence of emergency responses. There was no longer a manpower shortage due to wildfires in California. Their full complement of EMTs had come home a month ago. But they had responded to more emergencies since then that related to people with hypothermia than all others combined. Power went off frequently and there was no way for people to stay warm. Temperatures were regularly hovering just below the freezing mark during the nighttime hours now, and summer wasn't over yet. Sometimes—like last night—they would have a little snow mixed in with the rain, but it was still warm enough that it didn't stick to the ground and start piling up.

She started to go out the back door and then turned suddenly and went back into the living room. She picked up all of the clothes she and Andy had discarded along a trail to Andy's bedroom last night and threw them into the dirty clothes hamper in her bedroom. When Megan bounced in the door sometime today, she wanted no incriminating evidence lying around from the prelude to their intense love-making last night.

The power came back on just as Jordan opened the back door again to leave, so she hurriedly made a pot of coffee for Andy and then left.

Andy stirred around nine o'clock. She reached over in her bed and realized Jordan had already gone to work. She smelled the delicious aroma of freshly-made coffee and leisurely slipped into a clean pair of sweats and walked into the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table and thought about what happened last night between her and Jordan and the conversation they had.

* * * * * *

“When did you first know?” Andy asked Jordan.

“Know what?” Jordan replied.

“That you were attracted to me.”

“I knew from the very first time I saw you last December at the mall during the superstorm. It was difficult to keep my eyes off you, but I had an emergency to attend to. When did you first know?”

“At the same time. When you looked at me, I felt I was going to melt like butter!”

“I didn't know who you were, Andy. I only knew that I wanted to see you again, but I didn't know how to reach you. I never knew your name.”

“And I wanted to see you again—against my better judgment—but I didn't think you would want to have anything to do with me. I wasn't anyone in particular. I never knew how you felt.”

“I did see you after that—one time,” Jordan recalled. “When I was at Home Depot with Megan. But when I got outside, you were driving away.”

“And I thought I saw you there. You looked familiar, but I couldn't see your face—you were too far away. So I didn't know it was you. And I saw you one other time that same day—at Gunther Toody ' s . But I didn't know it was you then, either. You looked so different without your uniform, and you had your hair pulled back into a ponytail. You had a little girl with you, which I now know was Megan. So I never thought it would be you.”

“Was that you talking on your cell phone? I saw a woman with dark-brown hair who had a cell phone glued to her ear, and I thought how inconsiderate it was.”

“Yeah, I guess that was me. Ken had to keep track of me every second, and you just can't hang up on him.”

“And then when you walked into the yoga studio for my workshop—God, we wasted so much time,” Jordan said. “I feel like kicking myself, because I couldn't put two and two together during the workshop. I wondered why you always wanted to make contact with me. I thought you were heterosexual—you know, being married, with sons. So why would you want to have anything to do with me ?”

“I didn't think you wanted to have anything to do with me, either, especially when you kept forcing ‘support group' on me after you found out I was attracted to women.” She reached out and touched Jordan's face in the dark. She felt her smile and then continued, “We can look back, Jordan, and see what happened. But we both know that nothing ever happens by accident. We were supposed to meet, and the time just wasn't right until now. We were not prepared , even in ourselves.”

“Andy, now that we're together,” said Jordan, drawing her in close, “I promise you I'm never going to let anything separate us again! I don't want to lose you. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Jordan,” Andy said. “God, I love you—”

She let her emotion overflow as tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over onto Jordan's breasts. This was a very deep, very real love.

* * * * * *

Andy dressed after she had her first cup of coffee and then built up the fire in the fireplace. She made herself some breakfast and took a second cup of coffee into her bedroom where she sat down to work at her computer.

Megan bounced in the front door around noon. She held her purchase out to Andy that she'd bought at the flea market. It was a small turtle. “Poor little thing,” she said. “He needed a home. He had no place to go.”

The turtle was in an empty cardboard shoebox. His shell was about two inches in diameter—dappled green and brown with darker brown circles. “His name is Ivan,” Megan said, petting the turtle's shell. “I knew Jordan and me could give him a good home. And you, too, Andy,” she added hastily.

Andy felt compassion for the little girl, who had just rescued an animal whom she thought needed her as much as Andy needed Jordan. They would have to get a terrarium for Ivan. Megan would be a good caregiver.

They baked cookies in the afternoon—one batch of peanut butter ones and one batch of chocolate oatmeal. Megan did most of the baking. She was just learning and was so happy that Andy was showing her some tips on how to make cookies turn out a lot better than she had ever done just by herself—or even with Suzanne.

Andy and Megan were in the middle of dinner when Andy's cell phone rang. Andy excused herself and went into her bedroom before she answered. Megan kept on eating, pretending she didn't notice Andy had left.

“Hi there!” Jordan said. “How has your day been going?”

“Oh, hi Jordan,” Andy replied with enthusiasm. “I'm missing you.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling. I'm surrounded by other guys right now, but I wanted to call and see if everything was all right with you.”

“Yes, I'm fine. I slept till 9 this morning and got up to a fresh pot of coffee. That was so nice of you to make coffee before you left. Megan got home around noon, and we baked cookies this afternoon and had a ball. But I miss you.”

“Me, too. I'll try not to be late in the morning. But you never know how things will go here at the fire station. I hope you sleep well tonight. I probably won't get much sleep myself.”

“I don't know if I'll be able to sleep or not.”

“There'll be other nights, you know,” Jordan said.


“So I'll see you in the morning then,” Jordan said.

“Okay. I love you. Bye.”

“Me, too. Bye.”

As Jordan hung up, Andy wished they had been able to talk more freely over the phone. But still, this was the first time Jordan had ever called her since she began staying at Jordan's house. It felt good to know that someone cared about her so much.

“Who was that?” Megan asked, as Andy came back to the kitchen table.

“That was your Aunt Jordan,” Andy replied.

“Oh. What did she want?” Megan said.

“She just wanted to see how we were doing. She was worried about the electricity going off again like it did last night.”

“Oh. It was off over at Suzanne's, too.” Conversation ended.

In the evening, they started assembling a jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table. Andy had found the puzzle in the closet of her bedroom. It was a picture of Diamond Head, Hawaii, with white sand beaches and swaying palm trees in the foreground. It was a thousand pieces, so would take a long time to put together. It was such a peaceful scene. Andy imagined the waves leisurely sloshing up against her as she sat in the sand on the imaginary beach in the picture before her.

Andy had learned how to stoke the fireplace and bank the fire so there would still be some hot coals in the morning. She did that just before she and Megan went to bed that night. They kept the fireplace going constantly as the weather got colder and colder. Jordan said she would have to invest in a backup portable generator soon because of constant power outages, as it would be impossible to keep food in the refrigerator from spoiling when that happened. But there was nothing they could do about the weather. Nothing anyone could do now.

Andy had no difficulty falling asleep. She was exhausted. The rain on the roof was like a soothing musical interlude. She hoped Jordan wouldn't be held up at the firehouse in the morning. Her thoughts of what had transpired the night before in Jordan's arms became the focal point of her dreams.

* * * * * *

Ken woke up Sunday morning, glad he didn't have to go to work today. At the same time, he knew he had to keep up the focus of normalcy for a while yet. He was discouraged, especially from not knowing where Andrea was. He wondered if she had actually driven to California, but hesitated to call their sons to see if she was there. It was his alibi, after all, and was the only excuse he could come up with when Jessica Sessions called him last night. She seemed surprised that Andrea would go somewhere without telling her. And he was surprised that Andrea had not told her about his kicking her out. Jess gave no indication that she knew what had transpired. But he wasn't ready to say anything yet. All he knew was that neither of them knew where Andrea was.

Bob Sessions woke up and had a hearty breakfast with his wife Jessica. He was putting on his coat and starting to walk out the door to go pick up oil and a filter to change oil in his car when Jess called to him.

“Bob, would you stop by Ken's and visit for a while and see if there is something wrong at home? And it would be all right if you told him that I saw Andy Lee having lunch on Saturday with that paramedic. Maybe he's not aware that she isn't in California.”

“Jess, I don't think we should get involved—“ Bob said, hesitating with his hand on the doorknob.

“But Andy Lee might be in trouble,” Jess exclaimed, “and maybe she needs help or something. It would be all right if you stopped by Ken's, because you work with him. But he would be kind of suspicious if I went over there, don't you think? I mean, if Andy Lee is supposed to be in California, what excuse could I give that I would be stopping by? I just talked to him on the phone last night.”

Bob thought for a moment, trying to register what Jessica was saying. He was confused at her babbling on. She didn't make any sense that he could discern. “Well, I'll stop by where he goes to coffee every day when he's not working and have a cup of coffee with him. That's probably where he would be. But that's all I'm going to do for you. And if he doesn't mention any difficulty at home or anything, I'm not going to ask.”

* * * * * *

“What are you saying, Bob?” Ken asked, taking another sip of his coffee. His usual coffee buddies failed to show up this morning at the little fast-food place they frequented. But Bob came and joined him—which was a rare occasion. Ken was trying to understand what Bob was telling him.

“All I'm saying is that maybe you ought to check out what Jessica told me, about Andrea having lunch yesterday with that woman paramedic. Jess said she works with the fire department. Maybe Andrea didn't go to California—for some reason. Jess is kind of worried about her—“

“I know where she went, for God's sake!” Ken all of a sudden exploded in anger at this disclosure. “Why can't Jessica mind her own damn business!”

Bob was silent. He knew he'd said more than he should have. Especially after telling Jess he wouldn't say anything unless Ken mentioned something first —which he didn't.

After a final slurp of coffee, Ken got up and left Bob staring into his coffee cup. “See you tomorrow at work,” he said, going out the door. “Thanks for the information.”



Jordan got home at 8:30 Monday morning, tired from a long twenty-four shift. She stirred the fire with the poker and added a couple of logs. Then she got out of her clothes and slipped into her T-shirt, sweatpants, heavy socks, and climbed into Andy's bed—joining her under the covers. She knew Megan would sleep for at least another hour, and she wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to make love to Andy.

Jordan curled herself against Andy's back and began to nuzzle Andy's neck. She reached an arm around her and started stroking Andy's breasts. Andy made a small murmur of happy protest and turned over on her back.

“Good morning, Jordan. I love you.”

“Good morning, sweetheart. I love you, too.”

Andy pulled Jordan's head down to her and their lips met in a long, slow kiss. Jordan was aroused almost immediately and began taking her clothes back off. She got only as far as her socks. Her desire intensified as she put her arms around Andy, and her breasts were aching—wanting Andy's touch on them. She slid her hand under Andy's sweatpants. Her fingers found the silky wetness between her thighs. God, she's ready already! She thought, as she brought her hand back up and started to pull Andy's sweatpants off. She started kissing her more in earnest, and Andy's hand was reaching under Jordan's T-shirt for her breasts.

“Aunt Jordan!” It was Megan. “Aunt Jordan!” she hollered again.

“Oh, God. Not now,” Jordan groaned. “I can't believe this!” She told Andy, “We have to postpone this.” She gave her a swift kiss and rolled out of bed.

As Jordan was pulling her socks back on, Andy told her, “Megan bought a turtle yesterday at the flea market. Its name is Ivan.”

Jordan rolled her eyes and got up and went into the living room. Then she went into Megan's room from there, not wanting to go through the bathroom that separated the two bedrooms. She didn't want Megan to see her coming from Andy's bedroom.

“Aunt Jordan, I can't sleep,” Megan said as Jordan came into her room.

“What's the matter, Megan?” Jordan asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I had a bad dream. I bought a turtle yesterday at the flea market, and now I dreamt of all of those other turtles. There were so many . And none of them had homes. And I saw them being flushed down the toilet in my dream. But I only had enough money to buy one turtle. What will happen to the rest of them, Aunt Jordan?”

Jordan gathered Megan up into her arms. The girl was so sensitive. “There will be other people who want to give them a home, Megan. I promise.”

“Can we go back next Sunday, and if there's some that haven't found a family, can we bring them home?”

Jordan was unwilling to make that kind of promise, as it would probably lead to a houseful of turtles. “I'll tell you what,” she said. “When Suzanne's parents go to the flea market the next time, I'll ask them to check on those turtles, okay? Right now, why don't we all just get up and have some breakfast. I can sleep after breakfast, and you can go over to Suzanne's after we eat. Okay?”

Jordan went into the kitchen, followed by Megan, and started making coffee. She hollered into Andy's bedroom, “Andy, time to get up! Megan and I are not sleeping, so you can't sleep any longer, either!”

Andy appeared in the doorway of the kitchen a minute later. “I wasn't ready to get up yet,” she said, stretching and yawning.

“What's good for the goose is good for the gander. We're going to have breakfast, and then Megan is going to go over to Suzanne's and stay for a couple of hours so I can get some sleep.” She winked at Andy. “Aren't you, Megan?”

Megan nodded her head as she drew a bowl out of the cupboard for her cereal. She popped some cinnamon-swirl bread in the toaster.

“Well, I think that's a wonderful idea,” Andy exclaimed brightly. “She can take some of these very fresh cookies that we baked yesterday, too, as a thank-you gift for Suzanne's parents taking her to the flea market.”

“I'm going to take my turtle, too,” Megan said. “I don't ever want to be separated from Ivan.” Jordan could picture the turtle in Megan's bed at night.

“What's that heavenly aroma?” Andy said curiously, as she sat down at the kitchen table.

“Cinnamon toast,” replied Megan. “Want some?”

“Well, first, sweetie, I want some coffee. I don't function very well before I have my morning coffee.”

Jordan set a cup of coffee in front of her, and then sat down beside her with her own cup. She surreptitiously placed a hand on Andy's thigh under the table. Andy then reached under the table and put her hand over Jordan's thigh and squeezed it. She could feel Jordan's thigh tense up.

“Is Andy going to stay here while you're sleeping?” Megan asked Jordan.

Andy replied, before Jordan could say anything. “Yes, I am. I want to work on that jigsaw puzzle some more. It's getting really interesting. Then I think I'll take a nap while your Aunt Jordan is asleep. I really didn't get enough sleep last night. You can stay at Suzanne's till after lunch, if you like.” She took a sip of the very hot and delicious coffee, smiling to herself.

“Coool!” Megan exclaimed, as Jordan nodded her head in agreement.

Andy was glad Megan and Suzanne got along so famously! And she was pleased beyond measure that Suzanne's mother didn't mind having Megan over all the time. She began to get excited at the prospect of being alone with Jordan again.

* * * * * *

It seemed like it took Megan forever to get ready to go over to Suzanne's. She had to get dressed in just the right clothes and then count out the number of cookies she was taking over there one by one. Then wrap them.

“Make sure you have enough so you won't have to come back right away and get more,” Jordan said with a wink.

“Oh, Aunt Jordan, you're so funny. Where's Ivan?” she asked, when Andy came into the kitchen—empty-handed.

While Megan was wrapping cookies, Andy thought she'd hurry things along by bringing Ivan to her. She was sure they'd left the turtle in his box by the couch when they went to bed last night—near the fireplace so he would stay warm throughout the night. They would get a terrarium for him today—as Andy suggested yesterday. But Ivan wasn't there.

“Megan, I've looked everywhere and can't find him! What did you do with him?” Andy asked in exasperation. “He couldn't have just walked away.”

Megan went into the living room—Andy following. “Oh! Now I remember. I pushed him under the couch. I didn't want his cardboard house to catch on fire in case a spark jumped out of the fireplace.”

Jordan had gotten up from the kitchen table and come into the living room, too. She was just about to look for the turtle in Megan's room, where Andy hadn't searched yet. “We have a screen over the fireplace, Megan,” she pointed out. “No sparks are going to fly out of there.”

“Well, I just wanted to make sure Ivan was safe, Aunt Jordan. You can't be too careful, you know. Isn't that what you've been telling me?” Her lips were petulant, her tone of voice all-knowing. She pulled the cardboard box with Ivan in it out from under the couch and cradled it in her arms.

“Megan, what am I going to do with you?” Jordan said. She grabbed the girl in her arms and hugged her, making sure Ivan's box wasn't squashed at the same time.

“Now…will you go? I really need to get some sleep. I have to work again tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she answered. She held on to Ivan in his box, went back into the kitchen, picked up the sack of cookies, and bounced out the front door. Andy and Jordan moved to the living room window to watch her happily skip down the walk without a backward look. She was hanging on to Ivan for dear life under her arm, with the sack of cookies flopping up and down in her other hand.

* * * * * *

“Is she gone?” Andy asked. She was standing behind Jordan with her arms around her, leaning her head on Jordan's back. She was running her hands up and down Jordan's thighs inside her sweatpants and brushing gently over her pubic hair.

“She's just crossing the street,” Jordan said huskily, as she looked out the living room window. She was beginning to shake with desire as Andy kept moving her hands all over her. I'm in agony! she thought. “I'll lock the door.” She turned the deadbolt.

“Come on,” she told Andy, taking her by the hand. They went into Andy's bedroom and jumped onto the bed, facing each other on their knees.

“I haven't been worth a damn for the last twenty-four hours,” Jordan said. “I've been thinking about you all the time.” She pulled Andy's T-shirt off over her head slowly, while looking with desire at her full breasts.

“I haven't been worth anything, either,” Andy said. “Megan baked all the cookies yesterday.” She slid Jordan's T-shirt off caressingly, lingering over her breasts, stroking them on the way up with the T-shirt.

“My breasts have been aching all night,” Jordan said and started sliding Andy's sweatpants off her hips.

“I don't know when I've been so wet, just sitting around thinking about you,” Andy said, giving a tug on Jordan's baggy sweats.

“Lie back so I can get those things off of you.” Andy did as she was told. One last tug and her legs were free of her sweatpants and socks.

“Lie back and I'll take yours off,” Andy said. Jordan did as she was told.

They both were on their backs then, faces toward each other—quivering with desire. “Isn't it fun taking each other's clothes off?” Jordan said. They both laughed.

“I want to see what it feels like to be on top of you,” Andy said as she rolled her body over onto Jordan. She then spread out over her and relished in the muscular, but soft smoothness of her, moving her hands up and down Jordan's hips—laying her head on Jordan's breasts. She was shorter than Jordan by eight inches, and the top of her head came just to Jordan's chin.

“What should I do now, Jordan?” Andy said, raising her head and gazing at Jordan lovingly.

“Bend your legs and put your knees on both sides of my hips so that you're straddling me. Then raise your body on your elbows like you're almost in a frog position. You know, kind of like the yoga posture.”

“That's it,” Jordan said, as Andy got comfortable in that position. “Now slide closer to my head so I can reach your breasts.”

Oh, God, Jordan moaned, as she took one of Andy's breasts in her mouth. She released her and said, “Then I'm going to—“

Andy felt Jordan's hand cup between her thighs as a finger found her wetness. She stroked and circled her clit a little bit. After feeling Andy's vagina open more with arousal, she thrust two fingers in up to the hilt, moving up and down, in and out, and giving Andy pleasure.

“Oh, God, Jordan, I can't wait!” Andy felt the heat come up her legs and she collapsed on Jordan's body, shuddering with the waves of orgasm. Jordan managed to pull her fingers free just before Andy came down on top of her.

“I'm sorry, Jordan. I couldn't help it. Show me how to hold it so I won't come too soon.” Andy was remorseful.

She's so wonderful, Jordan thought. So sensitive, so willing to learn. That's one of the reasons I love her so much. I've never known anyone like her.

Jordan answered by bringing Andy's lips down to hers in a slow, sensuous kiss. At the same time she put her arms around Andy and held her tight while Andy was still on top of her. She stroked her back and thighs, reaching down to her buttocks and squeezing them gently. She told Andy, finally releasing her, “It's okay, sweetheart. You'll learn how.”

Jordan brought her hand up to her nose and filled her nostrils with Andy's heady female scent. I need her, she thought, reeling with desire.

“I need to taste you.” She rolled Andy off and moved down between her thighs, spreading them wide open.

She stroked the center of Andy's jewel with her tongue in slow, delicious strokes, then took her swollen clitoris in her lips and began to suck gently. Then holding her clit carefully between her lips, she stimulated it with a circular motion of her tongue. Andy started writhing and moaning and was being driven to ecstasy as she said, gasping for breath, “Oh, God Jordan, that's so good. God, don't stop…don't stop….Oh, God—” Jordan circled faster and faster, and Andy's hips undulated as she held on to Jordan's hair. She cried out, “Now…now…now…” until she suddenly stilled and her back arched as she began a long shuddering from her toes to the top of her head.

Jordan had been so aroused by what she was doing with Andy, that when Andy was shuddering in the throes of orgasm, she felt herself come at the same time with powerful sensations. She held on to Andy with the desperateness of never wanting to let her go.

Her head came up for a breath of air, her eyes closed. “You're so good for me, sweetheart, you're so wonderful,” she said. She went down again, keeping her mouth to Andy's soft silky wetness as she drank and drank, and Andy came and came again.

Jordan finally wiped her mouth on the bedspread and then pulled herself up next to Andy—exhausted.

“I have to sleep just for a little bit,” she said, eyelids drooping as she looked at Andy. “I'm so tired.” Jordan closed her eyes then. Andy pulled the covers up over her and kissed her lightly on the lips. She ran her fingers through her hair, watching her slowly breathe.

Jordan was already asleep.

Andy slowly pulled her sweatpants and T-shirt back on and nestled into Jordan's arms for a few minutes, fully satisfied. Then she got up, grabbed an extra blanket and sat on the couch by the fire in the living room. She wrapped the blanket around herself as she curled up and watched the flames flare up and then recede—much like the ebb and tide of her desire during the late morning hours. She was engrossed in the many colors blending together and elated in the memory of how her body and Jordan's had come together so perfectly.

To be continued...

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