DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and its characters are the property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: In the fanfic world, there are some really good stories and, well, then there are mine. With any luck, the fanfic police will send a fanfic detective resembling Olivia Benson to investigate my heinous writing crimes and a fanfic ADA resembling Casey Novak will prosecute me into submission.
Ooh, beat me, hurt me, make me watch Conviction. <.g.>
On second thought, I’ll do anything - please don’t make me watch that show again.
Anywho…these are my latest crimes. You have been warned. <.g.>
It really wasn’t my idea to write an entire series. A writing friend has decided to make me her life’s project. She just wasn’t happy with the little snips and mini snarkfests I send her. Oh nooooooooooooo. Just because she writes killer epics, she thinks EVERYONE needs to write big ol’ stories. So we stayed up all night, one night, and outlined this whole series. All of mine when added together still don’t come close to the length of just one of her stories.
But then again, does size really matter? <.bg.>
This is a comedy series.
If you are looking for angst, drama, violence or graphic sex…not here folks.
This is Casey/Olivia-centric.
If you are looking for A/O, E/O, I/O, O/O, U/O or sometimes Y/O…again, not here folks.
Now, if you are looking for laughs, romance and (hopefully) a fun read…your trip begins under the title header. Sit back, relax (keep those arms and legs in the vehicle at all times) and enjoy the ride.
This series takes place after the farce of Conviction but prior to Elliot’s fifth child. I will hit canon every now and then. Hopefully, canon won’t hit back. Or at least won’t hit hard. I bruise easy. It’s a comedy/parody, so expect it to go off on its own. If we are lucky, it’ll be equipped with a GPS device and we can track the little sucker down if it gets lost. Oh, and the series refers back to an incident that happened in my previous short story called Doink Doink but you don’t have to read it first.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
(story 1 in the MIScommunication Series aka It Sucks To Be You Series)
October 13, Friday Afternoon
Don Cragen hung up the phone. Shaking his head, he looked down at the notes he wrote as he listened to the powers that be drone on. He rubbed his forehead and then his closed eyes and ended with a pinch to the bridge of his nose. Taking a deep breath, he silently willed the threatening headache to dissipate. “Why did it have to be us?”
He pushed his chair back to stand, cringing at the sound of the grate of metal on the linoleum floor. Making his way to his office door, he turned back and grabbed his notes off his desk. “Let’s get this over with.”
Opening the door he paused to survey his squad room. Munch was sitting at his desk speaking on the phone. Fin was tossing paper wads at his partner, much to Munch’s annoyance. Elliot was perched on the edge of Olivia’s desk and they were looking at something on her computer screen. Everyone looked briefly up when they heard the door open but then went back to what they were doing. Cragen waited until Munch hung up his phone before clearing his throat to get their attention.
“Okay, listen up. I just got off the phone with 1PP and we have been chosen to participate in a publicity event.”
“Aw, Cap, why us?” Elliot questioned. The others murmured their concurrence.
“I imagine it’s since we are the current darlings of the media for our fine work on that last serial rapist case. Anyway, it’s not up for discussion; we have been chosen and we will comply.”
“Okay, so what’s up? Pictures? Appearances? Interviews, what?” Fin asked.
“We are going to participate in a game show.”
“WHAT!?!” Everyone shouted at the same time.
“I know, I know, it wouldn’t have been my choice either but 1PP was approached by the producers who want to do a week’s worth of shows using NY organizations... cops, fire companies, sanitation workers etc. We -you four and me - will be representing the Police.
“Um…just what intellectually stimulating contest will we be participating in?” it was Munch’s turn to ask.
Cragen looked down at his notes. “Something called the Family Feud.”
“Elliot, listen, the producers are giving $25000 to the PBA for our participation. If we actually win we get another $25000. Plus, if that wasn’t enough they are going to donate another $1000 per person to everyone’s own personal charities. Everybody wins here.”
“Aw c’mon El, it’ll be fun. We’ll be on TV and we’ll get to donate some money to some really worthy causes,” Liv added.
“Oh all right. I’m in.”
“So Cap, any idea who we will be playing against?”
“I haven’t a clue. Oh, and they said not to tell anyone. I guess they want to do a media blitz on their own and don’t want the word to leak out. Okay, everybody go home, gets some rest and we’ll meet here around noon and then go over to the studio. Wear your badges and dress nicely.”
“Hey, I hear that TV adds ten pounds. Maybe we can combine up all our extra ten pounds and give’m to Munch. He could actually get a real body out of it.”
“Funny, Fin, really funny. I do have a body y’know?”
“Yeah, where do you keep it?” Liv joked.
“Yeah, John, I know you think it’s real but the blowup doll doesn’t count.” Elliot added.
October 14, Saturday Afternoon
The five police officers arrived at the studio and were ushered backstage to a dressing room. There they waited, isolated, until they were called individually for makeup. The make-up technician had to spend a little extra time covering up Olivia’s black eye. Once that ordeal, as the guys called it, was over, they were escorted back to the dressing room.
The closer they got to filming time, the more their nerves kicked in. Munch, adjusted and readjusted his black tie, Fin and Elliot paced incessantly. The captain chewed his nails. The only one oblivious to the stress was Liv. She sat calmly reading the daily news that had been left on the coffee table.
“Hey, listen to this... your past will come back to haunt you but an unexpected present will save your future”
“Ooh, Liv, do you actually believe that crap?”
“Not really El, but they’re still fun to read. Hey, let me see what yours is...”
A single knock sounded at the door and all motion stopped. They looked among themselves and then they all assumed a deer caught in the headlights expression at the second knock. A head popped in the door.
“Hi, I’m Jim Applegate, the producer.” He stepped into the room and shook everyone’s hand. “I just wanted to welcome you to the show and tell you not to be nervous - be yourselves and have fun out there. We’ll send someone to call you in a few. I’m going to go greet your opponents now.”
“Who are we playing anyway?”
“Uh uh uh…that would be telling, Detective.” He waved his finger at them in a dismissing gesture. “I want it to be a surprise.”
The producer exited the green room and the Detectives returned to pacing. Another knock startled them.
“We’re ready for your team.” The voice said, through the closed door.
Everyone took a deep breath and headed out. They were quickly herded to the left side of the soundstage and told to wait for their introduction.
Liv adjusted Elliot’s tie and straightened the badge on the Captain’s pocket. “How do I look?” she said as she shook her hair back.
“You look good, Liv.”
“Okay, gentlemen, we are going out there and we are going to kick the other team’s butts. Remember, the important thing… it’s all for fun and charity.”
“Actually, Liv-girl there is one more thing that is more important right now.”
“What’s that, Fin?”
“Guys, check your zippers.”
Liv and Fin watched and laughed, as Cragen, Elliot and Munch all scowled but turned their backs and checked anyway.
“And now your host of this special New York City version of Family Feud, a proud native New Yorker himself... Tony Danza.”
Tony Danza took the stage to thunderous applause. Once the audience quieted down, he began to speak. “Welcome to this special version of the Family Feud. As you know, this week we are filming episodes with teams of various New York City workers. The home town heroes will have a chance to win $25000 for each of their main designated charities and also another $1000 per player for their own favorite individual charities. No one goes home a loser, because teams are already guaranteed $25000 just for playing. We changed the rules just a bit as well. We will play exactly 5 questions, one for each team member. The highest point total at the end goes to the lightning round and plays for the extra $25000 in fast money.”
Backstage, Fin realized he was going to be the last player in line and tried to change places with Munch. John kept putting him back at the end of the line.
“Aw, C’mon, man.”
Munch just shook his head at his partner. “Not on your life.”
“Let me introduce the LAW Family from the 16th Precinct, Manhattan’s Special Victims Unit.” Tony Danza beckoned to the team standing just off camera.
The audience applauded as the Detectives took their places behind the dais. Danza walked over and put his hand out. “Captain, welcome to the Feud.” He shook Cragen’s hand.
“Nice to meet you,” Cragen said.
“Could you introduce yourself and your team, please?”
“Absolutely. I’m Captain Donald Cragen, Manhattan SVU. To my right is Detective Elliot Stabler. Next to him is his partner, Detective Olivia Benson. To her right is Detective John Munch and on the end is Detective Odafin Tutuola, Munch’s partner.”
Tony Danza looked down the line at the impeccably dressed officers. All were dressed in suit jackets and were wearing their shiny badges. “Detective Stabler...”
“Yes, good to meet you,” Elliot shook his hand.
“I understand you are a family man; would you like to say hello to them?”
“Yes, I have four kids. Hi Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie, and Dickie.” He waved. “Look Kath, I’m on TV.”
Danza laughed at his exuberance. Then he moved on down the line.
Liv put out her hand and Danza first shook it marveling at the strong grip; then decided to kiss her knuckles.
“Wow, that’s some grip you have there, Detective Benson.” He shook his hand as if to put circulation back in it.
“You should see her take down a perp,” Elliot chimed in.
“Well, you can take me down and arrest me anytime, sweetie,” he leaned in and winked at her.
“Okay, but I’m bringing the handcuffs,” she flirted back.
“Ooh yeah,” Danza mock swooned and put his hands over his heart.
“Ahem,” John Munch cleared his throat. “Sir?” He offered his hand for shaking.
“Detective Munch, I hear you are a fount of knowledge about conspiracy theories...”
“Oh no,” the other detectives groaned.
“Yes, I can enlighten you as to what the really caused the demise of your talk show...”
“Later, geek boy - we only have a half hour to play,” Fin interrupted.
“Which brings us to you. Detective Oda-Tutuo-what?”
“Fin will do.”
“Cool,” Danza replies and they knocked fists. He turned back and addressed the detectives. “I’m sure you are wondering who you will be playing against. Well, we have a special treat for you. We wanted to make this match - the first of the week - a real competitive one, so we chose a group that you should recognize. We have you... the LAW on one side and your competitors representing ORDER on the other.” He paused. “First up, the group leader... Judge Elizabeth Donnelly.”
The cops’ expressions turned from puzzlement to dismay.
“Oh crap, El,” Liv whispered. “We are gonna be playing against a bunch of judges. We win and we’ll never get another warrant again.”
Danza walked over to Liz and took both her hands in his. He raised one to his lips and kissed it. He lowered it back down but didn’t let go. He continued to stare at her. He tilted his head to one side in contemplation. “Judge? Do I know you?”
Liz smiled at him. “Have you ever been arrested?”
“Uh no, but Detective Benson said she would do the honors.” He turned and looked over his shoulder.
Liv blushed as the audience catcalled. Elliot bumped her shoulder playfully.
“Well, Judge, could you introduce and bring out your ORDER family, please?”
“Certainly. Well, I am Judge Elizabeth Donnelly and I am a former SVU ADA and Bureau Chief. Our first team member is the current ADA of SVU... Casey Novak.”
Casey walked out and greeted Liz. She waved to the guys.
“Next we have the woman Casey replaced, a former ADA and now Bureau Chief... Alexandra Cabot.”
Alex walked out, greeted both Liz and Casey and assumed her place on the dais.
“Who’s next, Judge?”
“Next we have the woman Alexandra replaced, another former ADA and now a respected member of the Attorney General’s Office in Washington, D.C. ... Abbie Carmichael.”
Abbie strutted out to the hoot, holler and whistles of the detectives and audience.
“Hey, Ab-bie!” Elliot yelled out and then wolf whistled.
Once the noise died down, Liz said, “And finally, we have Trevor Langan.”
Trevor walked out. The Detectives were dumbfounded.
“What?!” Liv shouted.
“He’s a slimy defense attorney,” Fin added.
Liz answers, “I know, but we see him so much he’s like family.”
Danza began going down the line. He leaned in to kiss Casey on the lips but she turned her cheek at the last second, so the kiss landed there.
“HEY!” Liv called out.
“Geez, she flirts with me and suddenly she’s jealous,” he told Casey who was not happy at hearing that bit of news. “I’m not cheating on you, sweetie,” Danza replied back to Liv.
“NO, but that’s my girlfriend you are kissing,” Liv shouted back.
Casey just smiled.
“How do you know, Liz?”
“Well, she’s the boss. Used to be my boss, anyway; now she’s a fair, honorable and well respected judge with a keen legal mind.”
“Sucking up there, Novak?”
“Is it working?”
“Nope,” Liz deadpanned.
Danza moved on to Alex. He leaned in expecting to kiss her cheek when she turned and locked lips with him.
“HEY!” Liv called out again.
“Let me guess... former girlfriend?” Danza asked Alex.
“Uh huh,” Alex replied with a big smile.
He then moved to in front of Abbie. As he leaned in to kiss her, she took a step back. She waved her finger, in a no gesture, at him.
“But the audience wants a kiss.”
Abbie turned to the audience, “Do you?” she drawled. “Do you want a kiss?”
The audience began chants of ‘kiss her’.
“Okay... but I get to pick the kissee,” Abbie replied with a big twinkle in her eye and a sly grin. She moved out from behind the dais and made her way over to the LAW side. She stopped in front of Cragen.
“Hi Don, how are you?”
Cragen nodded and then ducked his head shyly. He rocked back on his heels, with his hands in his pockets. “Nice to see you, Abbie.”
Abbie leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
She paused for a moment and then turned to Elliot. He smirked at her and then leaned over. He closed his eyes and puckered his lips.
Abbie grabbed his face in one hand and smooshed his cheeks together playfully. She kissed him on the cheek also. “How ya doin’, Stabler?”
He shook his head and laughed.
She then moved on to in front of Liv. Abbie started at the top of Liv’s head and slowly moved her eyes down Liv’s body. She shook her head and smiled. Liv smiled back. Not saying a word, she then moved on to Munch.
“Counselor,” he bowed and then lowered his glasses. He reached out for one of her hands and kissed her knuckles.
“Hi John,” she smiled. “I miss you... we’ll catch up later. Just wait until you hear the latest from the Feds...” her voice trailed off as she turned to the final detective.
“Hey Fin, long time, no see. I didn’t know you transferred to SVU.”
“Yeah, we just missed each other. Cabot took over about that time.”
She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Nice to see you again.”
Abbie walked back up to the middle and looked up and down the line of Detectives. She then stepped up and grabbed Liv by her lapels and pulled her in for a scorching kiss.
“OBJECTION!” Casey yelled from the other side of the stage.
“Overruled,” the audience yelled back.
Liv and Abbie finally separated, out of breath. Abbie wiped the lipstick off of Liv’s bottom lip with her thumb.
“Hi ya, Yankee.” She tilted her head and smiled widely.
“Hi ya, Tex.” Liv grinned back.
Abbie turned to Danza. “Okay, we did the kissy thing.” She walked back to her dais to find Casey being restrained by Alex and Liz. Finally, Liz whispered something in her ear and Casey settled down. She adjusted her suit jacket and took a deep breath, but continued to glare at Abbie.
Abbie just smirked at her.
Liz looked down the line at all of them. She put her hands on her hips. “Am I the only one who hasn’t dated Detective Benson?”
Casey, Alex and Abbie exchanged looks and then all three turned to Trevor.
He just stood there silently smiling.
“HEY!” Liv calls out again.
“Aw c’mon, Benson - you know you and I could be great together. We’d have beautiful children with your eyes and my ears. Well, maybe not my ears, but they will be beautiful children. We could name them after months and relatives. We’ll start with my favorite Great Uncle... June.” He turned back to his team. “What?!?”
“Dream on, Slimy.”
Danza shook Trevor’s hand. “She is hot, isn’t she?”
Trevor began to shake his head yes and then saw that he was surrounded by the three ADAs all standing with their arms crossed and a menacing look on their faces.
“Think hard before you answer that, Trev-vor.” Casey reminded him.
He gulped and wisely stayed quiet.
“Okay... now that we have met everyone... let’s play the Family Feud.”
Tony Danza assumed his position behind the center dais. He motioned both Liz and Don to join him. Don kissed Liz on the cheek. He pointed to the giant board behind himself.
“You both know how to play. We surveyed one hundred people and the top 6 answers are on the board. Hands on your buzzers.”
Both players put one hand behind their back and laid the other on the console.
“Name somewhere that you take someone on a first date?”
Liz buzzed in first. “Out to dinner.”
“Dinner... survey says...”
The game board flipped over and dinner was revealed to be the number one answer worth forty three points. The ADAs on the ORDER side squealed in delight.
“We wanna play this one.”
“Okay, Tony, we’ll play this one.”
Liz walked back to her dais. Danza moved up to Casey and reread her the question. “Name somewhere you take someone on a first date?”
“Well, Olivia took me out for drinks.”
“Drinks, that sounds reasonable. Survey says...”
The board flipped over to reveal ‘cocktails’ as the number five answer worth five points.
“Good answer,” her teammates cheered.
“Okay, Alexandra... had many first dates?”
Alex laughed lightly. “Plenty, thank you.”
“So your answer would be...?”
“Well, Olivia,” she glanced at Casey for a second, “took me to a play.”
“What?” Casey glared across the stage at Liv, who had the decency to blush.
“Oh this is gonna get ugly,” he ducked his head and murmured to himself. Tony scratched his ear, absently and shrugged in Casey’s direction. “The theatre, survey says...”
The board flipped over to show the number four answer, worth twelve points.
“Very good.” Danza clapped his hands. “Okay, Abbie... ahem...” He turned around and looked at Olivia. “Where did Detective Benson take you on the first date?” he quipped.
Abbie smiled sweetly at both Alex and Casey, before turning and blowing a kiss at Olivia. “Well, Tony, Liv invited me to her place; she said she’d cook for me.”
Alex and Casey looked at each other with identical puzzled expressions.
“Waitaminute.” Both Casey and Alex spoke at the same time. Alex waved her hand at Casey to indicate she should continue. “Liv doesn’t... she couldn’t cook dinner if her life depended on it.”
Abbie smirked. “I said she invited me to her place and boy howdy, she did cook.” She paused. “Who said anything about food?”
“I’m gonna kill her,” Casey exclaimed and tried to push by Alex to get to Abbie.
Liz grabbed the back of Casey’s jacket and held her in place. Abbie continued to smirk.
“Uh huh... all righty then. Benson’s place... I mean... home... show me...”
The horn blared for a wrong answer.
“Ooh, sorry – that’s your first strike. So Trevor, we heard from the ladies already; now we’ll get a man’s point of view. Name somewhere you take someone on a first date.”
“Well, IF I was taking Detective Benson out...” Trevor jumped back as Casey charged him with a fist at the ready. “Whoa, Novak... I was just joking.” He straightened his tie nervously and turned back to the host. “How about a movie, Tony?”
“Are you asking me out?” Tony joked.
“Uh no... no... no... NO.” Trevor threw up both hands in a stop gesture. “That’s just my answer.”
“I’m kidding... kidding. Besides, I’m married. Okay, you take a first date to the movies. Survey says...”
The board flipped over to show the number two answer worth twenty-one points.
All four women applauded Trevor’s good answer. However, one woman was still silently planning his demise and wondering if two or possibly three bodies would fit in the same spot.
Tony made his way back up to Liz. “Judge...” he started and then paused. “Are you sure we haven’t met before?”
Liz shook her head. “But your producer did look familiar.”
“Right, so you have eighty-one points and there are still two answers remaining. Your team only has one strike. Name somewhere that you take someone on a first date.”
“Well, having been on a few first dates in my time, although, not with Detective Benson...” Liz replied with tongue firmly in cheek. “I would think that dancing would be on the list as possible first date venues.”
“Dancing? Good answer. Let’s see what the survey says...”
The third answer flipped over on the board and revealed dancing to be worth thirteen points. The audience applauded.
He stepped over and, noticing the glare in her green eyes, approached Casey very warily. “Okay, Casey my dear - name a place you would take someone on a first date.”
Casey looked down at her fidgeting hands, then back up. She stared right past Danza at Olivia.
Olivia cringed at first and then mouthed, ‘I love you, baby.”
Casey squinted and glared harder. “Well, Tony... I’m guessing that if I was Detective Benson’s next first date, she would have taken me out for a hotdog in Central Park.”
“Ouch, somebody is in deep trouble here, isn’t she?”
“You don’t know the half of it.”
“I see, okay... hotdogs in Central Park?”
Casey nodded her head in affirmative.
The horn blared for the second wrong answer.
Danza shook his head in disbelief, not at the wrong answer, but how quickly this game was deteriorating. “Alexandra, there are ninety four points up there so far, there is one answer remaining and you have two strikes against you. The other team can steal the points if you don’t give me the correct answer. Name somewhere you take someone on a first date.”
“I think,” she paused a moment. “I think a museum would be a good first date.”
“Yes, a museum.”
“All right. LAW team - get ready to steal if museum is not up there... the survey says...”
The horn blared for strike number three.
Danza quickly made his way across the stage. “Okay Detectives, here is your chance. The ORDER team did all the work so far and you can steal all the points with a correct answer.”
The Detectives murmured among themselves for a few moments.
“Okay, folks I need an answer.”
“Amusement park, Coney Island.”
“Benson, you really are a sucky first date.”
“Go to hell, Stabler.”
“Oh that’s classy, Munch.”
“I once brought a date to a scene. I got the call in the middle of dinner.”
“Ewww, Fin... that’s gross.”
The buzzer sounded twice.
“I need an answer, Captain.”
“I think we will go with Amusement Park, Tony.”
“Amusement park it is. Survey says...”
The blaring horn indicated that the answer was not on the board and the points were awarded to the ORDER team. The team celebrated enthusiastically while the LAW team second guessed themselves.
“Let’s see what the final answer was...”
Bowling was revealed.
“I told you all.”
“Shut up, Stabler.”
Tony Danza motioned Elliot and Casey to join him. Elliot Stabler stepped in front of the console intending to give Casey a peck on the cheek. The attorney grabbed Elliot and before he could register what was happening, he had been dipped and his lips were being attacked in a crushing kiss. Casey then returned him to his feet. While Elliot fought off his temporary disorientation, Casey leaned around him and smiled evilly at Olivia.
“Stabler, what the hell?” Liv shouted.
“Whoa, partner, that wasn’t my doing.” He protested innocently. “Geez, Casey,” he mumbled, “are you trying to kill me?”
“Are we ready to play now or do you two need a room?” Danza paused. Elliot shook himself to clear his head and Casey just smirked and nodded. “Okay, hands on the buzzers. We surveyed a hundred people and the top 6 answers are on the board. Name the part of the newspaper you read first.”
Casey hit the buzzer first and shouted out, “Sports section!”
Her team wholeheartedly concurred.
“Good one, Case.”
Danza turned to the board. “Survey says...”
The board flipped over and the number three answer appeared.
“Well Elliot, there are two answers that are higher than sports. What is your answer?”
“Well, I know that with having four kids in the house, the comic page is the most sought after.”
“Great answer, Elliot“
“Cool one, dude.”
“Comics, all right.” Danza turned to the board. “Survey says...”
The number one answer was revealed. Elliot pumped his fist and turned to his team. “Are we playing or passing?”
“Let’s do it.”
Elliot looked at Tony. “We’ll play this puppy.” He then hurried back to his team’s dais. The Captain slapped him on the back and Olivia growled at him. Elliot jumped back.
The genial host moved over in front of Olivia. A sly grin appeared and a raised eyebrow. “I can almost bet what you are going to say.”
She leaned forward on the counter and leveled her best ‘Benson perp’ stare directly across at Casey who just grinned smugly back. Liv then turned her glare on her partner standing next to her. He cringed. Olivia finally looked up at Tony.
“Oh, I bet not, I’m just full of surprises,” she said flatly. She continued to glare at Casey while she answered the question. “Obituaries.”
Danza covered his eyes with his hand as he thought, When did I lose control here? Why did I even agree to do this? I need a new agent. He took a deep calming breath. “Show me...”
The buzzer sounded for a wrong answer.
“Pity,” Olivia replied sarcastically, “I’ve been thinking about them a lot today.”
“Yes, well... Oh, Detective Munch - I’m sure you have an answer to share. What part of the paper do you look at first?”
“Well, logically speaking, I read the headlines first. They are called headlines for a reason, after all.”
“Good answer, John.”
Danza pointed to the board, “Survey says...”
Again, a right answer was revealed and headlines was worth twenty-two points.
“Good going, Detective Munch. Okay Fin, whatcha think, man?”
Fin mock punched Munch’s shoulder. “You lie. You know your first look would be the personals.”
“Funny, very funny.”
“Well, Tony, since my man Munch here was too shy to say it... I will. The personals.”
“All right, let’s see if it’s there. Survey says...”
The blare of the horn indicated another strike.
“Shut up, geek boy.”
“Okay Captain, can you keep your team alive here? If not, the ORDER team will get a chance to steal.
Don took a deep breath. “Well, I think some folks turn to the financial section first. Stocks and bonds and things like that.”
“Sounds good to me - Financial Section. Survey says...”
The board flipped to read Business Section and six points.
“Two answers remains but you have two strikes. It’s all up to you, Detective Stabler.”
“Well, two of my kids are about that age... how about the want ads?”
“Okay, for the LAW team to stay alive - show me want ads...”
The number six slot flipped over revealing the answer ‘classifieds’ and five points.
“Well, that brings us back to you Detective Benson. You give me a correct answer and your team wins the points; a wrong answer and your... ahem... harem over there steals it and builds a commanding lead.”
“I think,” Liv tapped her chin. “I think a lot of people just don’t function without their daily dose of destiny. I know I should have heeded mine today. I say they turn to the horoscope first.”
“Show me Horoscopes, please?”
The bell rang and the number four slot reading ‘entertainment’ flipped over. The Detectives were jumping around congratulating themselves while the attorneys were quietly psyching themselves up for the next round.
Liv looked over and stuck her tongue out at the women. Liz just shook her head. Casey shook her fist at her, Alex flipped her off and Abbie blew her a kiss. Olivia took another look at Trevor who stood oblivious to his surroundings.
”Y’know, maybe his ears aren’t so bad after all.”
“Okay, Detective Benson, it’s you and Ms. Cabot next up,” Tony Danza said cheerfully.
Olivia and Alex both made their way to the center podium.
“I gotta say, Detective Benson - three for five... your batting average is pretty good here.” Tony Danza quipped.
Olivia smiled sweetly and them turned to Alex and put her hand out for a handshake. Alex shook her head no.
“Alex, please,” Liv begged. “Casey is mad enough as it is.”
“Sucks to be you, huh?”
Liv hung her head and leaned in. Alex kissed her softly and then just smiled as they broke apart.
“Okay, are we ready to play?” Tony looked down on the card in his hand. His face immediately took on a mischievous grin. “Oh, she had it right; it sucks to be you.”
Olivia looked at him, puzzled.
“We surveyed 100 people... of which I wouldn’t be surprised if you probably dated at least half...”
Olivia glared at him.
“Name something you pack for a romantic weekend.”
Liv buzzed in first. “Lingerie,” she guessed.
Alex stomped her foot. “Hey, that would have been my answer.”
Danza turned to the board. “Survey said...”
Lingerie popped up as the number one answer.
Liv turned to her team. “We are playing this one, right?”
The guys all shook their heads no.
“What do you mean no? We NEED to play this one. Please, please, please.”
The guys all shook their heads no, again.
“No way Liv; we have no idea,” Elliot said with the rest of the team nodding their agreement.
“Guys, please, we really, really have to play this one. Do you have any idea just how embarrassing those women are going to make this for me if we don’t play this one?”
She looked over her shoulder at the ORDER team who were all grinning from ear to ear.
“El, c’mon... you’re married and have four kids. You must know about romantic weekends.”
“Nope, sorry partner. If I knew anything about romance, I’d have a dozen kids. No, can’t help you.”
“Don’t look at me Benson, how the hell would I know?”
“But you have been married four times.”
“And if I knew anything about romantic weekends, it wouldn’t be four times.”
Liv turned back around and looked at the other team. Each woman was smirking. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She then laid her forehead on the console. “We.” Bang. “Will.” Bang. “Pass.” Bang. “Tony.” Olivia stopped banging her head and sighed in exasperation.
Alex patted her shoulder.
Tony moved over to talk to Abbie. He bit his lip trying to stifle the laughter threatening to erupt. “So, Ms. Carmichael, what does someone bring on a romantic weekend?”
“Well,” she drawled, “if you are having a romantic weekend with a certain brunette Detective...”
A loud groan was heard from the LAW team side.
“As I said, if you are having a romantic weekend with a certain brunette Detective, you bring some mood music - not that she actually needs it.” She winked at Liv.
Liv turned to Elliot and punched his shoulder.
“Hey!” He rubbed the spot on his arm. “Calm down Liv. What was it you said? Everyone wins here today.” He leaned in close to her ear. “Besides, I am learning soooooooo much.”
Liv reached for his throat with both hands as Elliot chuckled.
John stopped her. “Liv, it’s okay. It will all blow over... eventually.” He laughed maniacally. “We’ll decide on terms later as to how you can speed up eventually.”
Tony turned to the board. “Mood music?”
The board revealed a correct answer and a single point. Abbie was congratulated by her team as Tony moved on to Trevor.
“Well, Trevor, whatcha think? What would you bring to a romantic weekend?”
“I think flowers are always appropriate. Say, Benson, what’s your favorite flower?”
“Roses,” Alex muttered.
“Carnations,” Abbie offered.
Casey shook her head. “Nope, tulips, red tulips.”
Olivia smiled, albeit reluctantly. “Tulips, Trevor. As Counselor Novak put it... big ol’ red tulips.”
Casey grinned smugly at the other two women.
Tony surveyed the board and flowers were revealed to be the number five answer.
He walked back up to the beginning of the line.
“Hmmmm. Well, music and flowers are nice, but how about some candles to really set a mood?”
“Candles? Survey said...”
Fourteen points were added to the tally for that correct answer and Judge Donnelly was heartily congratulated on her good answer.
Tony moved to Casey. “Well, Ms. Novak... it seems that you know the detective pretty well.”
“Not as well as I thought, but I’m sure the detective and I will remedy that little problem later tonight, won’t we, Liv?”
Olivia gulped and closed her eyes. “Shoot me - just shoot me now.”
Elliot put his arm around Liv’s shoulder.
“So Ms. Novak... Casey, what do you bring on a romantic weekend?”
She turned to look straight at Abbie when she answered. “Tony, I know chocolate and whipped cream are fun additions.”
“Oooh, tasty. But you can only pick one.
The board revealed the number four answer of chocolate and gave the ORDER team another nine points.
Casey leaned over and asked quietly, “Would you like to know what kind of chocolate?”
“Belgian,” Alex and Abbie answered simultaneously.
Casey glared at them both and then squinted over at Olivia, who promptly hid behind Elliot.
“Aw, Case, go easy on my girl here. If that glare sets her on fire, it’ll ruin my new suit.” Fin joked.
Tony turned back to Alex. “Back to you Ms. Cabot...”
“Well, nobody does justice more to leather than the good detective.”
Olivia mumbled, “I am never wearing a leather coat again.”
“What kind of leather clothing, Alex?” He said mirthfully.
“Oh anything you can throw on or take off, Tony - jacket, boots, gloves, unmentionables...”
He rubbed his nose in an effort to mask his grin. “Survey said...”
Leather popped up with two points.
“All righty, we are back to Ms. Carmichael. So Abbie, you can win all the points for your team with a correct answer here. If you miss, your team still has two more strikes.”
“Oh, I have an answer for you. Toys.” She paused a moment looking at the other women. “Wait, do handcuffs count as toys?”
“Only if they are the fur-lined ones,” Alex said cheekily.
“I’m gonna kill her!” Casey’s eyes flashed.
“Casey? Honey?” Liv called from across the stage.
Casey looked over.
“Sweetie, you know I don’t own any fur-lined cuffs. Only the police issued reg ones.” She reached to the back of her belt and expertly flipped out the cuffs.
Tony ooohed and egged the audience into doing the same.
Olivia turned to the audience. “Oh grow up.” Back to Casey. “Honey?” she pleaded with her eyes.
Casey melted somewhat. But the daggers were back when she heard Abbie’s next remark.
“No one said that Liv was the one packing the cuffs.”
Another ‘ooooooh’ from the audience.
Olivia put her head in her hands and sighed.
Tony cleared his throat, ‘Ahem... let’s see what the survey says.”
Toys was the final answer revealed and another twelve points were added to the total score going to the ORDER team.
“Okay, current score is - Ninety-seven for the LAW Family, One hundred eighty-seven for the ORDER Family and Benson is batting zero.
Let’s pause for a commercial and then we’ll have a double point question coming up.”
“We’re back for this special edition of Family Feud. Points are doubled for this question and we have Detective Munch and Counselor Carmichael coming to do battle.” Tony motioned them both up to the central podium. Munch leaned in and kissed Abbie on the cheek.
“I don’t have to remind you how important this question can be. The LAW team needs this to get back in the game. Okay, we surveyed one hundred people and the top five answers are on the board. Remember, points are doubled. Name your favorite type of stress relief.”
John buzzed in first. “Well, I think reading is great stress relief, especially books on...”
“Can it geek boy. No one wants to hear about your conspiracy theories.”
Munch glared at his partner.
“O-kay... well, show me reading...”
Reading was the number four answer and worth eighteen points. Munch smiled smugly at Fin.
“Well, Abbie, there are three answers worth more points. Name your favorite type of stress relief.”
“OH Johnny, no wonder you’ve been married four times.” Abbie patted his cheek softly. She turned to Danza. “Y’know, Tony, I know of only one true type of stress relief - one that works out all the...” she paused to choose the right word, “kinks and frustrations of the day.” Abbie smiled. “Sex.”
The audience whistled.
“Show me. I mean, survey says...”
Sex was revealed to be the number two answer and worth fifty points. Abbie turned and looked at her team. The team immediately unanimously decided to play. Abbie sauntered back to her team’s dais but not before blowing a kiss at the detectives.
“Well, Trevor, you haven’t missed yet. What is your favorite type of stress relief?”
“That depends, Tony. Am I alone or with someone? Because if I’m with someone like Detective Benson, my future wife...”
Trevor was interrupted by mock retching sounds from the Detectives’ side of the stage. He tried his best glare. Unfortunately, it just made him look like he needed to belch.
“Like I was saying Tony - if I’m with someone, I really, really like Abbie’s answer.”
“Don’t we all? Heh.” Tony laughed. “But you need an answer of your own.”
“Well, then, when I am really stressed I like to get out of the city and just drive.”
“All right, show me drive...”
Driving was revealed in the fifth spot and another six points were added to the tally.
“Hi Judge.” Tony cocked his head to one side and smiled widely at Liz.
“What do you do for stress relief?”
“Well, I think a good stiff one is a great stress reliever. I know I’m stressed and I could sure use one right now.”
The audience ooohed.
Liz shot them a look. “Actually a double would be better.”
They ooohed again.
Liz turned to the audience again. She cocked an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. “Oh grow up. I meant a drink.”
Tony chuckled and the ORDER team chatted up the answer. “Okay, let’s see if drink made the survey. Show me alcohol...”
The buzzer sounded with a wrong answer. Liz stood totally puzzled.
“How could that not be up there?”
Tony moved on to Casey.
“Hi ya, Case. Whatcha think? What’s a good stress reliever?”
“Well, I know when I get really emotionally overloaded, I eat.”
Alex looked Casey up and down. “Been a particularly stressful month there, Casey?” Alex said cattily.
Liz immediately grabbed onto the back of Casey’s suit jacket. Casey’s forward motion was stopped abruptly. Alex promptly tried to hide behind Abbie when Casey started moving. Abbie grabbed Alex by both arms and forcibly moved her back into her spot.
“Oh, no you don’t. I’m not protecting you for that one.”
Alex huffed but continued to watch Casey warily.
Tony turned to the audience, looked down and just shook his head. “Y’know, my agent... EX-agent... told me doing this show would be exciting and interesting.” He took a deep cleansing breath. “Okay, let’s see if eating is part of the survey. Show me... eating.”
The horn blared again to indicate a wrong answer.
Tony moved quickly to Alex. “Okay, Ms. Cabot - your team has two strikes against it and the LAW team can steal the points if you don’t give me a correct answer.”
“Oh joy, our fate is determined by the blonde,” Casey uttered sarcastically.
“Waitaminute there, Novak; you’re blonde too,” Alex replied. “Oh wait, are those roots showing?”
“I am a redhead. Blonde was just an experiment. A really bad experiment.” She glared across at Liv who had the decency to blush.
“Hey Liv, if you wanted a blonde again, you could have just called me,” Alex grinned.
“Ahem... well, I see where this is going. Alex, what’s your answer?”
“Tony, when I want to relax and de-stress, I do what every red-blooded woman does... I shop,” Alex said smugly.
“Don’t you mean blue-blooded?” Casey asked.
“Nah, I’ve heard of her prowess with the plastic cards. I think she has platinum blood.” Abbie added with a laugh.
“Jealous much?” Alex inquired, as she switched her gaze back and forth between the two attorneys.
“Nope,” they both said simultaneously as they looked Alex up and down.
“And here I thought the great Alex Cabot would have a personal shopper.”
“I do and I’d recommend one to you, Novak. Oh, that’s right - Walmart doesn’t offer that service.”
“Meow. I’ll have you know Liv likes the way I dress. And loves the way I undress.” Casey waggled her eyebrows.
Alex's eyes narrowed.
“Hey Novak, ya know we have a word in Texas for folks who need help picking out their clothes and getting dressed.” Abbie paused a moment. “Toddlers.”
The audience dissolved into laughter along with the rest of the contestants.
“OOOO-kay... let’s move on to the survey, shall we? Let’s see if ‘shopping’ is the final answer up there. Show me... shopping.”
The horn blared with another wrong answer.
Tony quickly turned to the cop side of the stage and began inquiring as to their answer.
“I’ll have you know I have a good voice,” the Captain defended.
“Listening to music.”
“Fin?” John punched him in the arm.
“Liv!” Elliot chided.
“What?” she replied, innocently. “Nothing is better than picturing a... particular face on a target and blowing it to smithereens.” She looked over at the attorneys, focusing her gaze on each of them, one by one. Trevor adjusted his tie, nervously. “I just love to do that.”
The buzzer signaled time was up.
“Okay, Captain, we need an answer.”
“I think we’ll go with ‘working out’ as our answer. Yes, I think exercise is a good stress reliever.”
Tony turned to the board. “If you get this right, your team is back in the game. If not, the ORDER team has an insurmountable lead. Show me... working out...”
The board flipped over to reveal ‘exercise’ as the number three answer and worth forty-two points. The Cops celebrated.
“No one got the number one answer. Show me...”
Meditation was revealed to be the number one answer. Both teams looked dumbfounded.
“Okay, we are down to the final question. This one will determine who goes on to the Fast Money round for a chance to win a total of $50000 for their charity. The score is two hundred thirteen for the LAW team and one hundred eighty-seven for the ORDER team.”
“Okay Fin and Trevor, c’mon down here, it’s all up to you guys.”
Trevor held out his hand for a handshake. Fin shook it.
“Ooooh, defense attorney cooties.”
“Shut up, Munch.”
They both glared at John. He just smiled back and tipped his glasses down.
“Okay, here is the final question. Points are tripled.” Tony paused to read it. He grinned. “Uh oh, I have a feeling this one is going to be one sided. Name a rap star that is also an actor.”
Trevor rang in first. “Eminem.”
The number one answer is revealed worth one hundred and eight points.
“We’ll play this one Tony,” Trevor decided before asking his team.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” was the collective scream from the rest of his group.
Trevor went back to his spot behind the dais, oblivious to the melting glares from his team.
Tony walked over to Judge Donnelly. “Well, Judge, we meet again. Are you a rap fan by any chance?”
“The only wrap I know is what is put under gift bows on present boxes. Gail at Macy’s is an artist but I doubt that is what you had in mind.”
The audience chuckled along with Tony.
“Go ahead and buzz me, Tony, because I don’t have an answer.”
“No guess?” Tony shrugged.
The buzzer sounded.
“Okay, Casey, are you a rap fan?”
Casey looked over at the Judge, then down the line of her teammates and then turned back to Tony. She began to clap. After a few, the audience joined in. Casey took a deep breath.
My name is Casey
I'm an ADA
I like rap music
What can I say?
This is a sorry question
Trevor shoulda said pass
'cause if we lose
I'm gonna kick his ass!
Casey acknowledged the applause of the audience with a slight nod of her head. Her teammates clapped as well.
“That was cute Casey. But do you have an answer for me?”
“Will Smith. I think people forget that he was a rapper first.”
“Oh, good answer. Let’s see if it’s up there. Survey said...”
The scoreboard flipped over showing the number four answer and nine points.
Casey pumped her fist in the air and then mocked buffed her nails on her jacket.
“Alex, do you have an answer for me?” Tony asked, as he turned to the blonde.
He was met with absolute silence. She was still staring at Casey.
“Oh, sorry,” she blushed. “Wow, Casey, that took guts and,” she paused and turned. “I’ll help you kick his sorry ass for making us play this question.”
Alex shook her head as the buzzer confirmed another strike against the team.
“All right then, Abbie - you are apparently the one who can not only keep your team but also Trevor here alive.”
“Well, I would love to help out the team but I know nothing about rap music. Now, if you asked this Texas girl something about country music artists that would be different.”
“Did you hear the old joke about what you get when you play a country song backwards?”
Both Tony and Abbie spoke at the same time. “The truck ain’t broke, the dog ain’t dead and the wife ain’t left yet.” They both laughed.
“You sure you don’t have a guess?”
Abbie shook her head.
The buzzer sounded with the third strike.
Tony crossed the stage to the Police team. “Okay, guys, you can steal all the points and win the game with a correct answer. If you miss, the ORDER team wins and goes on to Fast Money. Discuss and come up with an answer.
Everyone turned to Fin.
“What?!?” He asked incredulously.
“Well?” Munch replied.
“Oh sure, the only brother here and you assume I know everything there is to know about rap music. I should be offended.”
“You, my friend, should be honored. We, your comrades in arms, are depending on your vast knowledge of culture to pull our collective butts out of trouble and into Fast Money for an extra $25000. But no pressure there, partner.” Munch smirked.
“C’mon, Fin,” Liv cajoled.
The buzzer sounded.
“Okay, I am going to need an answer from your team,” Tony reminded them.
“We defer to Detective Tutuola,” Captain Cragen replied.
Tony walked down to Fin. “Answer?”
“I’m thinkin’ I got a couple of possibilities here but let me go with my first instinct…Queen Latifah.”
“If Queen Latifah is up there you win the game and the chance to compete in fast money for $50000. If not, the ORDER team gets one more chance to steal. Show me... Queen Latifah...”
The number two answer flipped over and revealed sixty-six points. The LAW team began jumping up and down celebrating. The audience applauded and whistled. Fin got slapped so many times on the back, he was sure he was bruised. The ORDER team was slapping Trevor too, but not in celebration.
“Okay, okay - we need to look at the final answer. Show me number three...”
The board flipped to reveal the name ‘Ice-T’.
The Detectives all looked at each other, puzzled.
“What kind of a name is Ice-T?”
“Hey, I could be Ice-Coffee”
“More like JM Bony Butt.”
“Why not call yourself PB Bananas or Pizza on a stick or something equally stupid?”
“You know,” Tony interrupted, “I once did a rap parody on a show. You heard of Vanilla Ice? I was Italian Ice.”
The audience groaned.
“Hey, you could all have cheesy rap names,” Fin offered. “Let me see, we have Captain Run P16. LL Bony Butt, my partner. And Elliot here could be …Busta Heads. Oh and then we have Livvy... Miss-Date-a-lot.” He laughed.
“On that note, let’s break for a commercial and then we will get ready for Fast Money.”
The director called clear and the stage personnel flooded the set.
“Okay folks, we will break for about twenty minutes so we can set up for Fast Money. Go on back to the green rooms and we’ll call you back when we are ready.”
“Excuse me? Is there somewhere that I can check in with my office?”
“Sure, just go past the green rooms and take a right at the end of the hallway.”
Judge Donnelly just scooted back into place as the director called the game back into play. She leaned over to a concerned Casey and whispered, “Sorry; I had to check something with my office.”
Tony walked back over to the LAW side of the stage. “Okay, it’s time to play Fast Money. Who will be representing your team, Captain?”
“I think John and Elliot will do the honors.”
“All right, gentlemen... who will be going first?”
Munch pointed to himself and Tony gestured Elliot to go offstage. The screen behind the main podium changed to the Fast Money board.
“Detective Stabler will be unable to hear Detective Munch’s answers. We’ll put thirty seconds on the clock and ask John here a set of five questions. Then we’ll bring Elliot back out and ask him the same questions. If they can score two hundred points total, they will win an extra $25000 for the PBA. Are you ready, John?”
“Okay, thirty seconds on the board. As with all the questions, we surveyed one hundred people and asked them - Name a kitchen appliance you could not live without.”
“Name an occupation kids want to be when they grow up.”
“Name your favorite day of the year.”
Tony looked extremely puzzled. He shook his head but continued with the next question. “Name the most popular month for weddings.”
Munch paused this time, he looked confused.
“Hurry, you don’t have much time.”
“Name a place most folks would like to go on vacation to.”
“Roswell, New Mexico.”
The bell rang indicating the end of the round.
Tony turned them both around to face the board. “All right, let’s see how you did. The first question - Name a kitchen appliance you could not live without. You said coffee maker. Survey said...”
Coffee maker was worth thirty points.
“Very good start. Name an occupation kids want to be when they grow up. You said FBI Agent. Survey said...”
Zero points were revealed.
“Oh, too bad. Okay, question three - name your favorite day of the year. You said July 30th. July 30th?”
“That’s the day Jimmy Hoffa disappeared. It’s very special to me.”
“I see.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Show me...”
Zero points were revealed.
“John, my man, you aren’t doing very well here. But you still have two more questions. Name a popular month for weddings. Hey, you passed on this. Aren’t you the one who has been married four times?”
“Yeah, and I’m not fond of any of those months.”
The buzzer sounded and showed zero points for the passed question.
“Okay, last question for you - name a place most folks would like to go on vacation to. You said Roswell, New Mexico.”
The audience groaned.
“John, John, John... I don’t think this is going to help your team. But you never know. Survey said...”
Again zero points were shown on the board.
“Okay, let’s cover up those answers and bring Elliot back out.”
Munch walked back over to his team.
“July 30th? Roswell? You just can’t be normal every once in awhile, can you?” Fin smacked him on the back of the head.
Elliot joined Tony in the middle of the stage. He was smiling.
“All righty, Detective, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?”
“Uh, the good news?” Elliot answered reluctantly.
“How would you like a chance to be your team’s hero?”
“Being a hero would be cool. So, how many points do I need?”
“That would be the bad news.”
“How many?” Elliot glared over at Munch.
“One hundred and seventy.”
“Munch had a few problems with the questions. But I’m sure you will do fine. And you’ll get an extra fifteen seconds on the clock.”
Elliot sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, let’s do this.”
“Let’s put forty-five seconds on the clock and show the audience again what Munch’s answers were. Clock starts when I read the first question. Ready?”
Elliot nodded once.
“Name a kitchen appliance you could not live without.”
“Name an occupation kids want to be when they grow up.”
“Name your favorite day of the year.”
“Name a popular month for weddings.”
“Oh tell me he didn’t get this one right?” Elliot shook his head. “June.”
“Name a place most folks would like to go on vacation to.”
Tony congratulated Elliot, then joked. “Those answers sounded really good. But then again, any answers other than Munch’s would have sounded really good.”
They turned to face the board.
Elliot turned to Munch. “You only got one answer right? One?”
“Okay, let’s see if you pulled it off. Name a kitchen appliance you cannot live without. You said microwave. It’s the number one answer.”
Thirty-five points were revealed.
Elliot pumped his fist.
“So far, so good. Name an occupation kids want to be when they grow-up. You said firefighter. Survey said...”
Thirty-two points were revealed.
Elliot was smiling widely.
“Y’know, neither one of you said policeman. Which in this case was good, since firefighter was the number one answer. Next, name your favorite day of the year. You said Christmas. Let’s see how popular that answer is. Survey says...”
Forty points were revealed.
Elliot began rocking on his heels with nervous excitement.
“That was another number one answer. Name a popular wedding month. You said June. Absolutely. Survey said...”
June was worth fifty-five points.
Elliot beamed when he saw the overall total change to one hundred and ninety two.
“You are only eight points away from $50000. You must be feeling pretty good about now, huh?”
“So, after you win, whatcha gonna do?”
“I’m going to Disney World.”
Just then the board lit up Disney World and the 37 points it was worth. The grand total was two hundred and twenty-nine.
Elliot began to jump up and down. The LAW and ORDER Teams both went out to greet and congratulate Elliot. The studio dropped balloons on the contestants. The audience was cheering loudly.
Meanwhile, Liv sat down on the dais riser and watched her team celebrate. She rubbed her face and placed her chin in her hand, her elbow resting on her knee. She closed her eyes. In the middle of her wallowing she felt a nudge to her shoulder. She chose to ignore it. A harder nudge followed a few seconds later.
“Knock it off!” She looked up. “Oh, it’s you Judge, sorry.”
“Detective, I know how you feel.”
“You’ve had three EXs completely annihilate your hard earned professional reputation and make you look like a slut-puppy on national television?”
“Uh, no,” she said rubbing her nose. “Besides, Casey is not an EX.”
“I haven’t been home yet.”
“Gee, thanks. Are you trying to cheer me up? It’s not working.”
“Look, for what it’s worth, Casey loves you. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have let Bitch and Bitchier push her buttons the way they did.”
“Detective... Olivia... I do know what it’s like to work twice as hard for half the respect. And that’s why I had to do something here. This show is never going to air.”
“What?” Olivia began to perk up.
“Jim the producer is actually Sam the Ex-Con. I thought I recognized him when he came to the green room before the show. I checked with my office during the break and had them pull some files. I... ahem... politely asked him to consider not airing this show.”
“And he just said okay?”
“Not exactly. The okay followed immediately after I gave him the information I planned on sharing with the network executives. It seems that they do not know about his extracurricular past activities.”
“You blackmailed the producer?”
“I prefer to think of it as negotiations.”
“What about the charity money?”
“It will still be paid. The contract just said we needed to play, it didn’t specify the show needed to air.”
“Y’know, you are something else.” She paused and tilted her head. “You did this for me?”
“And for Heckle, Jeckle and Clyde over there. Not their finest moments either. But I’ll take care of them tomorrow. Right now, you are going to take care of me.”
“Saving asses makes me ravenous. How about taking me to dinner?”
Olivia stood up and held out her arm. “Your honor, will you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner?”
The Judge took her arm. “Lead on.” She paused. “Olivia.”
“Call me Liv.” They started walking to the exit.
“Wait.” Olivia stopped and turned to the Judge. “What about Casey?”
“She can get her own dinner and, like I said, I’ll take care of her tomorrow. I have a plan.” Liz waggled her eyebrows.
“Do tell.” Olivia replied, intrigued.
“All in good time, Detec... Liv. All in good time.”
The celebration in the middle of the stage was winding down. Elliot noticed his partner was among the missing.
“Hey, where’s Liv?”
Abbie looked around then pointed over to the left dais. She watched as Liv stood up and said something to the Judge. She stared as Liz took Liv’s arm.
“Whoo Whee... go Benson.”
They all turned.
“Looks like Benson just raised her batting average.”
TO BE CONTINUED IN MIShap
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