DISCLAIMER: All main characters belong to Dick Wolf/NBC/Universal.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Post "Loss." I read something the other day where Angelina Jolie allegedly said that she had a wicked crush on a female celebrity who was "recently taken off the market" by marriage. MH immediately came to mind and the gears started working, smoke began pouring out of my ears…you get the picture. So, my intention is that you visualize AJ when you think of the character of Devon Fox.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I know you, Olivia Benson. I know who you are but I know you don't remember me. Not really. You will though. You and I will be together if it's the last thing I do here on this earth. You are the apex of my dreams, the epitome of my desires. I don't want to possess you, own you, scare you, harm you in any way but I do want you in my life. I want to make love with you, to ravish you, make you see God. For just one night. I would be proud to go anywhere, be seen with you and I hope you would feel the same about me. But I know that is not meant to be. So I will be happy with just one night.
I watch you, Olivia Benson. I see you leave your apartment in the morning, looking revitalized with hair still wet from the shower, ready to start another day, hoping you don't have to deal with as many dregs of humanity as you did the day before. I watch you leave the police station many times during the day, each time a little more disillusioned than the time before. I watch you go home at the end of the day, looking haggard and spent. I want to take you in my arms and tell you everything will be okay. Just like you told me once everything would be okay. Just give me one night in your embrace and I can make it better for you, I know I can. Just like you made it better for me.
I follow you to bars, Olivia Benson. You don't go often, because you usually work too hard and too late and you are too tired. But, occasionally, you reward yourself with a few beers and when you do, I'm there. I watch you observing everyone else around you with amusement and interest and sometimes someone is lucky enough to be allowed to invade your space, enter into a conversation and enjoy the interaction. They want you. They all want you, to take you home, to make love to you, to take with them a part of you that, to me, is sacred. But you never go. Ever. Since that beautiful blonde assistant district attorney was murdered, you look but you don't touch. No serious lovers, no one-night stands, no anything. Tears sting my eyes when I think of how lonely you must be. You loved her so much. Anyone who saw you two together would have to know how devoted to each other you were. I've seen you with others before her and none of them ever came close to putting the look of happiness and contentment on your face like she did. I liked her. She was good for you. She could get you out of yourself, something you desperately needed. My crush on you eased up when you were with her because it was not about me, it was about you and you two were so obviously meant for each other. But she's gone now. I'm still here.
I see you close up every day, Olivia Benson. You see me but you don't really. I watch you walk across the street from the precinct house with or without your partner, Elliot, and you always order the same thing – a cup of hot green tea and a package of bleached pistachios You are always grateful and appreciative. You are always kind and compassionate. You are always beautiful.
You would remember me if I reminded you of how we met. I am not just Lance Fox's teenage daughter anymore. My name is Devon, Olivia. Devon Crystal Fox. You'd remember that name. Our names sound rich. Too rich to run a street vendor cart. Amazing, however, how much money those little roach coaches make. Funny though, I never felt you look down your nose at me. Or what my family does. You, Olivia Benson, are perfect for me. You just don't know it yet. But you will.
Devon Fox entered the lesbian tavern called Van Dyke's five minutes after Olivia Benson did. It was darkly lit but not as though it was trying to establish a secretive atmosphere. Grapevine intertwined with white holiday lights bordered the outline of the ceiling of the bar, which gave it a much more intimate, classy appearance.
Twelve years younger than Olivia, Devon liked older women. She had never dated a woman her own age or younger, they had always been older. And ever since her father had the stroke and she was designated to oversee his business of four street carts and one newsstand, she had reacquainted herself and became fixated on the reclusively gorgeous SVU detective, learning everything she possibly could about her habits and schedule.
Tonight Devon would show herself, make her move…offer herself to Olivia Benson. She knew how to use her charisma and sensuality so that the detective wouldn't be able to resist her.
Devon stopped at the bar and ordered a glass of pinot grigio, paid for it and turned to face the dance floor. She knew Olivia was standing at the bar, just at the elbow of it, drinking a Corona with lime because it's where Olivia always stood, what Olivia always drank, on the rare occasions when she graced the establishment with her presence. She also knew that Olivia had noticed her enter the bar. It was not a busy night and from Olivia's usual position, the doorway was quite visible. She could feel Olivia's eyes on her. She knew that right about now, Detective Benson was wondering why she seemed familiar, how did she know her. She would make Olivia come to her, even if she had to make the first move.
Olivia had just taken a swallow of beer when her eyes gravitated to the doorway. An amazingly stunning young woman had entered the bar. It was difficult not to stare at her. She had thick, long, dark brown hair that framed her face and ended about the lower part of her back. Her complexion was tanned and flawless, the shape of her face and features conjuring up something exotic like Tahitian or Polynesian. She had large, expressive brown eyes with light green tint, a perfect-shaped and proportioned nose and lips that looked almost bee-stung in their fullness and color. She was a vision to behold. This young woman was dressed in a white shirt and blue jeans, totally downplaying her sexuality to no avail. She oozed lust from every pore without even trying. Olivia laughed to herself when she saw the regular patrons of huntresses fall all over each other to get her attention. She observed this girl be gracious but noncommittal. The seasoned and experienced SVU detective shook her head, thinking that whoever latched on to that treasure for the night would be very lucky, indeed.
But something about this young woman appeared familiar. Olivia felt she knew her from somewhere but couldn't quite place her. Had she been a victim on one of Olivia's many cases? A witness? The ultimate urge to find out why this girl seemed to be haunting her memory banks finally overtook her and she was about to break her own self-imposed boundaries and approach this magnetically attractive individual when she looked up and realized this girl was staring deeply into her eyes. She caught her breath at the beauty she held within her gaze, expelled all air from her lungs and admonished herself for reacting in such a school girl manner. Olivia smiled at the mysteriously exquisite woman who now seemed to be the center of attention, the expression an invitation to the private party that was Olivia's emotional house. Which was exactly what Devon had been waiting for.
The young woman picked up her glass of wine, excused herself from her throng of would be suitors and strolled over to where Olivia was standing. Smiling beguilingly, Devon looked down at a spot of the floor next to Olivia's feet, then back up at the object of her desire. "Is this spot taken?"
Her voice was a symphony playing the sweetest of melodies. Olivia smiled, trying not to look as mesmerized as she felt. Olivia looked down at the area indicated and then back up into the long-lashed, bedroom eyes of this blazingly sensual young woman. "This spot? Right here? No, I think it's available. The spots on my other side are definitely occupied, however."
"Then I guess I'll have to stand here. That is, if you don't mind."
Olivia smiled and nodded, taking another sip of her beer. She guessed that this young woman was used to the attention, used to getting her own way, used to being pampered, not used to hearing the word 'No' too often. That's fine. Olivia wasn't about to say no to her, either.
"Aren't you Detective Benson?" Devon asked, as innocently as she knew how, looking questioningly at the older woman.
Olivia's head snapped immediately to her right, studying the woman standing next to her. "Do I know you? Because – and this isn't a line – there's something about you that…is familiar."
"Yeah, you do. Although I look a lot different than the last time you saw me." She offered Olivia her hand, which Olivia shook. She had long, slender, delicate fingers and well manicured (and, thankfully, short) nails. "Devon Fox…about six years ago? My dad shot the man who raped me? You were –"
Olivia's eyes opened wide and she instantly pulled Devon into a tight hug, an embrace that Devon savored as long as the connection lasted. "Devon, my God, I never would have known you!" She broke away from her and looked at her from arms length. "You…you look amazing."
Glancing momentarily at the floor, almost shyly, she smiled and looked back at Olivia. "Thank you. The cuts and bruises eventually healed but not without leaving some pretty nasty scars. I had some plastic surgery…"
"You're…you're all grown up," And then some, Olivia thought. It was difficult to connect the sexy, confident young woman standing before her with the devastated, tortured, broken, horrifically bruised teenager whose father had come home, caught the man raping his daughter, kicked him off her then shot him in the genitals. A couple times. He wanted to make sure those organs were never used again for that purpose. The man survived his injuries, spent a few years in jail and last Olivia heard, he had moved to Canada. Lance Fox was acquitted at his own trial. "How's your Dad?"
"He's okay. He had a stroke six months ago."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. How bad is he?"
"Actually, it could have been worse. Fortunately, he recognized the symptoms and got to a hospital before too much damage was done. He temporarily lost the use of his left arm and his left leg but six weeks of concentrated rehabilitation got him back on his feet. He's now walking with a cane. I'm running his businesses for him."
Olivia was shaking her head, still in awe of the identity of this desirable apparition. "How are you doing, Devon? Really? I see that, physically, you're doing well but how are you emotionally?"
"I actually doing fine, Detective –"
"Olivia, please," the SVU detective quietly insisted.
"Olivia," Devon repeated, putting a lusty lilt on the pronunciation that made Olivia feel a rush of adrenalin to places that should not be reacting. Not to someone she had comforted as a teenage rape victim. "I'm doing well. I've processed it and put it behind me, as much as I can. I'm very much enjoying my life now. Although Daddy is disappointed that I'm into women instead of men and he thinks the rape dictated my preferences but –" she cast a carnal glance Olivia's way – "we know stuff like that has nothing to do with who we really are, don't we, Olivia?"
It was the predatory look in Devon's eyes that made Olivia's throat go dry. Her head was beginning to spin at the uncontrollable reaction she was having to the young Ms. Fox. She needed to finish her beer and get the hell out of there before she did something she would regret.
Devon sensed that Olivia was ready to bolt and knew she needed to tone it down a notch. "I'm surprised that you are still with the Special Victims Unit. That's got to be so hard."
"How did you know I was still with SVU?"
"You're too good at it not to be. You're too dedicated and devoted to helping victims. I imagine you will be with SVU until you either retire or they kick you out."
Olivia smiled, relaxing. "You're probably right." She drained her beer and set the bottle on the counter. She turned toward Devon as though she were about to say goodbye and make a hasty retreat.
"Let me buy you another beer, Olivia. Please. I know I can never repay you for how wonderful you were to me during that whole ordeal but I would love to just, maybe, chat another hour before you go. Who knows if we'll ever get the chance to see each other again?" Which was a lie. Devon knew if she didn't get Olivia Benson into her bed tonight, she would continue to 'accidentally' run into her until she did.
"I really shouldn't. I have an early day tomorrow."
"Don't you have an early day every day?" Devon asked, with a lift of her eyebrow.
"Yes, but…" Oh, what the hell? How much damage could another beer do? "Okay. One more. Then I have to go. But you don't have to buy."
"No, please. I insist. I really want to." She tried to look deep into Olivia's eyes but the older woman wouldn't look at her. It was that stubborn refusal to meet her gaze that convinced Devon she was having the desired effect on the older brunette. Devon smiled, seductively, "don't make me beg, Olivia."
Olivia Benson opened her mouth to speak, to protest and, instead, smiled, shaking her head. "All right, Devon. I would be honored if you would buy me another beer."
Devon returned Olivia's grin. "Don't patronize me, either." She got the bartender's attention and, with her index finger, made a slight circle in front of her wine glass and Olivia's empty bottle. The bartender nodded and immediately started retrieving the order.
"So…how old are you now?" the SVU detective asked, curiously.
"I will be twenty-three next month." Drinks were placed in front of the two patrons and Devon handed the bartender a twenty.
"Twenty-three…I was just finishing the police academy at twenty-three. It seems so long ago." She held her Corona bottle in front of Devon, who smiled and touched it with her wine glass. "To healing," Olivia toasted.
"Absolutely," Devon agreed and took a sip, watching the detective over the rim of her glass. The bartender returned with the change, which Devon left on the bar. "Can I ask you something personal?"
"You can ask…" Olivia mused.
"When did you know? That you were a lesbian?"
"When did I know or when did I acknowledge it?"
"Both, I guess."
"As I look back on it, I guess I should have always known. But it wasn't until I was in college that I really came to terms with it. However, I foolishly never embraced it until about seven, eight years ago."
"Because of someone special?" Devon could have sworn Olivia's eyes misted over.
"Yeah…someone very special…" her voice was almost a whisper. She took a swallow of beer. "Let's not talk about me. I want to hear what you've been up to."
"Just living my life. One day at a time."
Glancing around the bar, taking in the hostile glares, Olivia had to laugh. "I'm either the most hated or most envied woman in this bar tonight."
Devon looked around and laughed a quiet, albeit amorously appealing chuckle. She took a step closer to Olivia, the heat between them searing and obvious. "Personally, I think I'm the one they're jealous of. And if it's not me? Then they're all fools."
Olivia was uncomfortable at the proximity, yet, at the same time, incredibly turned on. She stared into Devon's eyes, speechless.
Not breaking the concentrated gaze, Devon said, "Want to really make them crazy?"
Before Olivia could respond, Devon pressed a slow, exploratory kiss to Olivia's lips. Knowing she should have stopped the action immediately, Olivia leaned her body even closer to the younger woman's and continued to kiss her, passionately. She put her drink down and slid her hand behind Devon's neck, securing their lips together then parting them with her tongue, which was more than willingly accepted and deftly met by the younger woman. Momentarily losing all decorum, Olivia hungrily kept the contact going until she snapped out of her revelry to realize what exactly was happening. Breaking the kiss, she put her mouth to Devon's ear and said, breathlessly, "we…I can't do this, Devon…"
"You didn't enjoy it?"
"You know that I did, it's just that…I can't…I shouldn't…"
"Why?" Devon kissed Olivia's cheek and neck, lingeringly.
"Because it's wrong, it's unethical, it's…"
"It's an excuse, Olivia. I'm not a victim anymore. I'm not someone you need to protect and coddle. I am a grown woman who finds you very desirable and would like nothing more than to get to know you better."
Feeling dizzy from the swarm of sensations her head and body were feeling, the kind of want and attraction Olivia had not felt in almost two years, she knew she would not be able to refuse this woman, either. "Know me how?"
Devon leaned back, studying Olivia's expression and broke into a grin. "Biblically, of course."
"Biblically? I don't think there's anything in the bible covering or condoning what might possibly be on your mind," Olivia chuckled.
"Or yours?" Devon leaned in to Olivia again, putting her lips right next to the SVU detective's ear. "Tell me you're not interested." She slid her arms around Olivia's waist, holding her.
"I'm not interested," Olivia obeyed, not being able to contain her smile.
"You're lying," Devon whispered, her hot breath on Olivia's neck, nuzzling her.
Closing her eyes, Olivia breathed in the scent of Devon Fox, expensive body lotion mingled with herbal shampoo, mixed with a fragrance called Shi. "Devon…honestly…I can't…shouldn't…"
Kissing the curve and pulse point of the older woman's throat, Devon retraced her path with her tongue. Olivia could not stand it any longer and bowed her head to meet the other woman's lips. The tingling that became heat, finally pooling between Olivia's thighs almost made her knees buckle. It had been so long since she felt like this, so long since anyone had even come close to making her feeling like this, she was at once empowered by and helpless to stop this very persuasively seductive young woman.
Devon's apartment was, conveniently, less than two blocks from the bar. Olivia didn't even remember walking there, the thought of making love with this alluring beauty totally intoxicating the older woman. She knew better, she knew this could come back to haunt her, she knew all the reasons she shouldn't be there but none of them convinced her not to go.
She could have blamed it on the alcohol but she had not even had two sips of her second beer. She could have blamed it on being desperately lonely but that would have been an excuse, not a reason. The fact was that the moment Devon Fox entered that bar, Olivia Benson was defenseless against her.
"Can I get you a drink?" Devon asked, locking the door. She turned to abruptly face the gorgeous detective, expression wont with almost rabid desire.
"No, thank you," Olivia's voice was low, husky. She reached over and caressed Devon's cheek not breaking the intense eye contact.
"Mmmm," Devon leaned her face into Olivia's hand, "I like a woman with no pretenses, who likes to get right down to business."
"That is what we're here for, right?" The SVU detective said, softly, putting her arms around Devon's waist and waltzing her backward to the door, gently trapping her there.
"Well, I hope you don't consider it entirely business…" Devon began, catching her breath, as Olivia pressed her body into the younger woman's, breasts touching breasts. She looked down at the contact and brought her hand up to Olivia's chest, circling one breast with a feather-like touch. She felt the older woman involuntarily shiver as Devon's thumb brushed back and forth lightly over a hardened nipple. "…because I do intend to put some pleasure in there somewhere…if not everywhere."
Olivia tilted her head, expertly capturing Devon's lips in an aggressive kiss that surprised both women in its passionate intensity. As thoroughly as she had planned this all out, she still couldn't believe it was actually happening, that she was kissing and about to go to bed with Olivia Benson.
They stood at the doorway, making out, touching each other as intimately as they could through clothing, respirations increasing with every touch, every second. "Olivia…Olivia," Devon breathed, "My bedroom is only about ten feet behind you and much more comfortable."
The SVU detective expelled a deep breath, laughing. She nodded at the younger woman, who returned her smile, took her hand and led her into the bedroom. Devon removed a cigarette lighter from her jeans pocket and lit a few candles instead of turning on a light. Taking in the scene, Olivia shook her head, still smiling. "What's next? Soft music? Champagne?"
Devon moved slowly back into the detective's arms. "Champagne I can do. But music? Uh uh," Devon shook her head, kissing Olivia on the bridge of her nose, "I want to hear every sound in the room. Un-enhanced."
That was one of the most erotic things anyone had ever said to her and Olivia responded with a low growl, kissing Devon and pulling her shirt up from where it had been tucked in to her pants.
Devon smiled, seductively, and took Olivia's hands in hers. "Patience, grasshopper…"
Chuckling, Olivia said, "You're much too young to remember that show."
"That's why there's cable." She brought Olivia's hands to her lips and kissed them, not taking her eyes off the detective's. She let Olivia's hands go and began unbuttoning the detective's jeans, slowly falling to her knees as she pulled the pants down to the floor. As Olivia stepped out of the restrictive clothing, Devon ran her hands up the detective's legs, hugging her when she reached her hips, putting her face against Olivia's warm, flat stomach. As she kissed her skin, moving southward from the detective's navel, she slipped her thumbs under the fabric at Olivia's hips, and moved the panties down, touching her lips to the area just left bare. She rested her face in the detective's dark, neatly trimmed curls, taking in a deep breath as she continued to remove Olivia's underpants.
Olivia ran her hand over Devon's hair, holding the young woman's head gently to her. Her eyes were closed, uninhibitedly enjoying the feel of Devon's nuzzling. She thought she might burst from a spontaneous climax when the young woman parted her slightly, taking a taste.
Devon smiled when Olivia moaned. She knew exactly how long it had been since the detective had been with anyone else and she also figured it would not take much oral coaxing to get her off the first time. Slowly kissing her way back up Olivia's body, pulling the detective's v-necked jersey and black bra over the older woman's head, tossing them blindly behind her, Devon lightly touched her lips to Olivia's, then traced them with her tongue. "Lay back," she commanded the detective in a husky whisper.
Olivia obeyed, lowering herself onto the bed. She was now totally naked and exposed to this beautiful woman standing before her, a woman she still could not equate with the teenager from a few years before. Now was not the time to be thinking about that, anyway, Olivia admonished herself as Devon unbuttoned her shirt. Sliding the shirt off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, Olivia took in the sight of the most perfect breasts she had ever seen. "Jesus." It slipped out of her mouth before she realized she had even said it.
Laughing silently, removing her blue jeans, Devon said, "I'm going to take that as an approval."
Olivia could feel herself almost dripping with the anticipation of what this way too attractive, incomprehensible presence, was going to do to her and with her. As she saw Devon zero in on and move to a position that allowed her excellent access to Olivia's desire, the detective was still silently arguing with herself about stopping it before it began. Right up until the moment Devon dove in with abandon and began her feast. Wanting to see her, the older woman parted her legs wider apart, and leaned back on her elbows. Compulsively, Olivia's head fell back and her eyes closed as she came dangerously close to an orgasm.
Devon knew she brought Olivia right to the edge when she stopped stroking her with her tongue. She had felt the muscles tighten against her and Olivia had begun to slightly grind into her.
Just as Olivia was about to ask her what she was doing, why she stopped, Devon reached over for one of the large, soft, squared sofa pillows that decorated her bed. She slid it underneath the detective's behind and then placed Olivia's legs over her shoulders. The younger woman then picked up where she left off. She sure knew what she was doing for such a young thing, Olivia thought, experiencing much more thorough and satisfying resulst than before. Olivia's breathing had now become very labored and she really began to push herself into Devon as Devon expertly pushed back. It took less than another minute for the older woman to explode into a powerful orgasm, obviously releasing months and months of pent up sexual frustration. She reached down, holding onto Devon's head with one hand and a fistful of the bed quilt with another. Not letting up until she knew Olivia was spent, the younger woman then slowed her pace, dwindling her movement as Olivia's breathing decreased and the older woman could actually speak again.
Olivia's entire body was soaked by perspiration and moisture, some areas being a lot wetter than others. "Where did you learn to do that?" the detective asked.
Kissing her way back up the older woman's flawless body, Devon smiled. "Some things we're just instinctually good at." She interrupted her journey north to give both of Olivia's breasts equal and undivided attention. As the detective began to moan again with each pass of Devon's talented tongue on her impossibly erect nipples, Devon slid two fingers into Olivia's center and began to thrust. Slowly, at first, but at the encouragement of the older woman's rocking and bucking against her hand, she increased her rhythm. As Olivia was obviously closing in on another climax, Devon raised her head to watch the detective's expression change. She wanted to see Olivia's face when she came, wanted the vision seared into her memory banks.
As Olivia rode Devon's fingers and her vaginal muscles began to contract and spasm, Devon concentrated on two things – keeping her pace and the detective's expression. "Say my name, Olivia," Devon whispered, urgently. "Say my name…"
The waves washed over Olivia almost like a violent storm at first but the pleasure was beyond description. She lurched forward, putting her mouth right next to the younger woman's ear. "Ohhhh….God….Devon," she exhaled, then took in another breath. "Devon…Devon… Devon," she repeated with ever wave. Olivia clung tightly to the younger beauty as the shuddering subsided and her body began to calm down.
Tenderly kissing her idol, Devon studied every inch of Olivia's striking face. "I will remember this night forever."
"Why? I haven't touched you yet…"
Devon laughed. "I have had a crush on you since the first time you took me in your arms to comfort me."
"Seriously?" To her knowledge, Olivia had never been anyone's crush before. It was very flattering.
"Truly. Madly. Deeply."
"Does your father know? About your feelings for me?"
"No. So don't go there, that is not what caused his stroke."
Olivia's eyes flashed in surprised. "How did you know I was even thinking that?"
"Because I know you, Olivia Benson."
Nodding, the SVU detective said, "Was our running into each other tonight planned or unplanned?"
"If I said planned, would that really freak you out?"
"Maybe a little. Not to the point of regretting this, though," Olivia grinned.
"Good to know."
"But…you do understand that this is probably the only time this should happen between us, right?"
"I do. I am in complete awe and respect of your ethics, Detective Benson. But I saw my chance and I took it."
"I…I have to tell you, Devon, I am extremely flattered that you would hold me in such high esteem."
Nodding, Devon said, "I don't think you give yourself enough credit for being the lovely, understanding, compassionate and undeniably sexy woman you are.
This was some of the nicest pillow talk Olivia had ever engaged in. "Thank you."
"You are more than welcome. So…did you want to leave now…or something?"
Olivia's smile gave Devon her answer. "No. If it's okay with you, I think I'd like to hang out a while…" she traced the younger woman's face with her index finger, "maybe do some exploring. Find some hidden treasures of my own."
Laughing, Devon said, "dig as long and as hard and as deep as you want."
"Come here," Olivia whispered.
Devon settled into the older woman's arms, on top of her. Olivia kissed her passionately and rolled her over, so that Olivia was now the dominant one. "You do not have the right to remain silent," the detective kidded.
"Nor do I want to," Devon commented, kissing Olivia under the chin.
"Fasten your seatbelt, then…it's going to be a hell of a ride."
Within the next hour, Olivia gave Devon the benefit of her years of experience, taking her to sexually euphoric places she had only dreamed of.
Olivia Benson had not disappointed her. If that was even possible. Even if it had not been THE Olivia Benson making love to her, the experience had been so fulfilling, so sensual, so eagerly awaited, it would be something that would stay with her forever.
Now, I really know you, Olivia Benson. I know you better than a lot of people ever will, know a side of you that is sanctified and hallowed. You and I have been together in a manner that touched my soul the way no one else ever has, ever could. You are still the apex of my dreams, the epitome of my desires. I didn't want to possess you, own you, scare you, harm you in any way but I wanted you in my life. I wanted to make love with you, to ravish you, and to make you see God. For just one night. And you let me in just long enough to accomplish that, to fulfill my dreams and quench my thirst for you. We were not meant to be. So you will never know how happy I was with just one night.
I will carry it with me forever.
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