Content: Adult only.
Angst: Tried to keep it down. Little success.
Copy Right: As if anyone would want it.
Comments: Sure. email@example.com
I’ve been told since I was a child that I was special, that our family was special. It wasn’t until I was older that I understood just what they meant by special. What they really should have said was that we were different. When I turned thirteen they explained the difference between all of us and everyone else in the world. We were shape shifters. That we could change into wolves. Visions of horror flicks danced through my head. I asked my Dad if that’s what we were. He laughed saying that we turned into plain old wolves. Yes, slightly bigger, more muscular but still a wolf. We could be killed with regular bullets. We did heal amazingly fast though. We could get sick but it was rare. We were just special. The problem was they didn’t explain everything. For some reason the Pack withheld things. You weren’t told about some custom or experience until it was time for you to go through it. If there had been less secrecy I don’t think things would have turned out the way they did for me.
When I was younger, I always wondered why we had to keep being special a secret. Mom and Dad didn’t explain why. I know I was too young to understand at that age. I was taught that we couldn’t talk about it outside of our community. It wasn’t a hardship because our community was so large. I didn’t think it was strange that we kept to ourselves. My parents didn’t keep me from making friends outside our community at school but they did encourage friendships with the other children in our community.
I was told we were a family, all of us. It felt like we were family. We spent the weekends together at barbeques. If anyone needed help, everyone else went out of their way to give that help. I was closest to Kathy and Jeremy, my two best friends. They lived next door to me. My earliest memories are of playing with them. We were all constantly together. I remember on my birthday we were playing tag in the woods. I was running through the forest and it seemed like my feet barely touched the ground. It was as if the forest wasn’t there. I could have been running on a flat road for all the changing landscape fazed me. I felt Kathy behind me. I could hear her heart beating like my ear was pressed to her chest. I saw Jeremy out of the corner of my eye trying to cut us off. Although, I didn’t need to see him to know that he was there. Then the most incredible thing happened. I don’t even know why I tried it or why I knew I could do it. I leapt into the air springing over Jeremy landing easily not even breaking stride, never missing a step. My ecstatic whoop and slight hop almost made me break my neck though. That didn’t matter, I’d soared over Jeremy, and it felt amazing. I stopped when I didn’t hear them following anymore to wait for them. The giddiness that ran through my body was wonderful. That was the first day I’d truly felt how special I was. I knew it would happen to me eventually. That my abilities would start to develop. Jeremy and Kathy had both begun showing the signs well before me. I had been anxious about my own, well more impatient than anxious.
It wasn’t just the incredible speed and the ability to practically fly through the air when I jumped over things. My senses came alive. I felt as if I’d never truly perceived the world around me before that moment. I knew my friends were experiencing the same thing. I found myself inhaling Jeremy’s scent whenever he was around. That scent would wrap around my body leaving me exhilarated. It was Kathy’s scent that completely obliterated all my senses. When we were close I could barely think. I wanted to rub myself against her burying myself into her shoulder letting my face rest against her neck taking deep gulping breaths of her. I wasn’t sure if I had the same effect on her but sometimes I could detect a slight change in her bodies scent when we were together. I could see her pulse picking up. Her heart hammered almost as loudly as my own when we touched. I knew it was my over active hormones. I expected the feeling to lessen as time went on but they didn’t. If anything over the next couple of years they intensified so much that I thought I would give anything just to be able to kiss her. If it were just Kathy I was attracted to I might have been okay but I found myself looking at other girls too making me wonder and dream of forbidden things. Of course, all my thoughts eventually ended up on Kathy eventually. However with the way I was feeling I was sure I was gay. That revelation alone was so upsetting that I didn’t want to think about it too closely. The real problem wasn’t that I was gay. The problem was I was trapped in a life that had its course set from the moment I was born.
Mom had a long talk with me about what would happen when puberty began. She explained all the urges I would have. She told me that I shouldn’t act upon my bodies urges because I was too young to really understand them or deal with the repercussions of my actions. She told me that since we were special our bodies matured faster than our ability to cope emotionally. I thought that was pretty much universal to everyone since I saw the same thing in my friends at school as I did in me. I nodded my head in acceptance. I would try not to lust after my best friend, not to mention every other girl who caught my fancy.
It was only when I felt as if I didn’t do something soon I would burst that I decided to talk to my Mom. I asked her if we could talk after watching her all afternoon in the kitchen while she made dinner. I wondered if my intense concentration on her every movement coupled with my nervousness gave me away. Before I could say anything about what I wanted to talk to her about she started talking.
“I know how your feeling.” She said with a smile. I doubted that. Still I didn’t think there was anything to smile about. It wasn’t funny. I was so confused. I was so frustrated I didn’t know what to think or do. “It’s hard to deal with right now, isn’t it?” She asked sympathetically.
I nodded my head looking around the room not able to meet her eyes. She waited, watching me. I had wanted to confide in my Mother for so long. To tell her about how I felt about girls, I couldn’t mention Kathy though, I just felt that would be giving too much of myself away. I wanted her to help me, to fix what was wrong with me. As far as I knew none of my friends felt this way. I tried to gather the courage to ask why this was happening to me but it came out like this, “Umm, I’ve kinda been feeling really strange around girls.” I glanced up peeking at my Mom to see if she possibly understood me from that very ambiguous statement.
“That’s normal, honey. It’s just our nature to be wary of other females.”
That would be a no to her understanding. Even as she said it I was shaking my head no. “It’s not like that. I..I...really like some of them.” Kathy in particular I silently acknowledged. I want to breathe her inside of me, keeping her there forever. I want to feel her against me, rubbing against me. The thoughts ran through my mind making my hands sweat even as heaviness settled in the pit of my stomach.
“Ah.” She said while thinking intently.
I could tell from the ‘Ah’ that she’d hoped on the clue train. I stared at her waiting for her to say more. “So, you’re attracted to girls?” Mother asked slowly.
I shrugged my shoulders not wanting to give voice to my answer. I could tell she seemed less than thrilled by it. I was scared of what she would say. What she would think about me but I needed her so much right now.
“Have you acted on this attraction?” She asked when I continued to sit there shoulders slumped looking away from her.
I shot up straight. “No!” I yelped. I stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. It’s not that I didn’t want to act on it. I just didn’t know what to do or how Kathy would react much less anyone else. Although, I had the sneaking suspicion that my friend Amy from school would be willing to explore these feelings with me.
Mom sighed shifting closer to take my hand. “Helen,” Mom started softly. “Everything about us is different. We have different urges than regular people.”
I opened my mouth to interrupt but she stopped me. “No, no,” she placed a finger over my lips keeping me silent. “What you’re feeling isn’t uncommon. I will tell you that although it’s not uncommon it’s not accepted either.” She explained. “If you were to do something like that, if you were to get caught the consequences could be grave.” The way she said that word ‘grave’ was all I needed to know. We were a species of set rules and norms. Anyone who broke with those could endanger the Pack. Endangering the Pack resulted in death or banishment. “Even if you’re careful, if you never get caught the most difficult thing is realizing that it’s fine for a distraction but that’s it.” Mom cupped my chin in her hand bringing my eyes up to meet hers. “You can feel love for someone. You can love her physically for a time but when it comes time to take a mate you’ll have to leave it behind you.”
I swallowed hard moving back slightly gently removing my face from her loving grasp. “What if I can’t leave it behind me?” I asked softly. I couldn’t imagine not feeling this way. The idea of taking a mate, a male, was uncomfortable. When I was younger I had considered being with Jeremy but that was quickly eclipsed by thoughts of his sister.
“You won’t have a choice, honey.” Mom told me, her voice laced with sympathy and understanding. “We all have a duty to our Pack. To do what’s best for the whole rather than the individual.”
“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy for me, Mom.” I told her hesitantly. She obviously wasn’t quite getting what I was trying to say. “I don’t want to mate….with a male.”
She sighed heavily rubbing her eyes and forehead before looking at me. “It can never be, Helen. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
I did my best not to show how hurt and angry I was already. I nodded my head. “Okay. I understand.” I wanted something that could never be. But I wasn’t going to do something that seemed unnatural to me.
Mom stared at me for a moment trying to gage the truth of my words. She finally nodded before leaning over to kiss my forehead. She left the room leaving me behind in complete quiet. I couldn’t move. I was frozen. That ache for something I couldn’t have was still there beating in my heart. Was it worth the possible consequences?
I knew about sex by thirteen, what kid didn’t. You couldn’t not know about it. Everyone was talking about it or speculating about it or even reading about it when someone could sneak one of their parent’s magazines out of the house. At sixteen I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex. I read books explicit with lesbian sex. The internet was a wonder of revelation and titillation. I poured over every word until I felt like a minor expert regarding every variation available. When I was seventeen already preparing to graduate from high school I realized that while I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex, my regular friends were actually having sex.
I would walk around with other girls listening about how this guy was in bed or how my friend Amy had actually made out with another girl. She looked at me when she had told a group of us about it. I guess it was true, it did take one to know one. Yet, I hadn’t done a single thing. I’d never even been kissed. It wasn’t because I was never asked out or pursued. Guys asked me out all the time. Sometimes I went out with them. I never let them do more than hold my hand. I never saw any of them more than twice. My father didn’t approve of the guys I dated. I knew that nothing would ever come of it however, I was still curious.
Then there was Kathy. Always with me. We even double dated a couple of times. I spent more time concentrating on what her guy was doing or saying to her than I did my own date. When he put his arm around her I wanted to rip it off then beat him with it. I didn’t, I just smiled laughing at their jokes. At the end of the night I left with a hand squeeze for my date.
What was hardest was when Kathy would talk to me about what it would be like to actually make love to someone. I had the images flashing in my brain to go with her commentary. She would touch me when she talked about it. A caress of my arm or brushing her thigh against my own. I started looking for signs that she wanted me after this happened several times, hoping to see them yet scared to death that I would see them.
One morning on the weekend I was supposed to meet Kathy so we could get lost in the forest for a day. The land owned by our Pack ran right into the Sequoia and Kings Canyon. It was ideal. The national park was mostly forest. Although there were hikers and tourists they weren’t numerous. So we could get lost for hours ranging all over. We were able to explore our abilities as well as the forest, even though after almost eighteen years there wasn’t a space in this forest that I didn’t know by heart.
I knocked on her door waiting for her to answer. I didn’t have to wait long. The door swung open as if she couldn’t wait to see me. She stood there looking beautiful smiling at me as if I were the best part of her world. I knew that was true for me though probably wishful thinking about her. I smiled back at her feeling my heart flutter in my chest. Some things never change. I had the suspicion that they never would.
Sometimes when she looked at me like that I wished Jeremy was around to come with us. It used to help me distract myself from her if he was around. Not only that, I missed him but I knew that since he had started college it was really hard for him to get home. Jeremy had talked his parents into letting him attend college a few hours away. His parents may have been willing to let him go that far but I knew for a fact that they were not about to let Kathy go off that far away from their watchful eyes. It was a wonderful double standard hard at work.
Once we entered the edge of our woods I smiled at Kathy then took off like a shot. I was glad for the chance to run. It made things simpler because I could feel whatever was different in me trying to get out, trying to take over. It drove everything else to the side. Then it was only the pleasure of the animal in me.
It felt so natural, the feeling of my body falling away to be replaced by my senses. The feel of that other part of me that knew the smell of the forest along with everything that was in it. I could feel the vibrations of Kathy following behind me. I heard the quickening in her breathing letting me know that I wasn’t the only one feeling the euphoria of letting go.
I came to a stop a few miles or so later when I reached the stream that we normally stopped at to drink and cool down. Kathy panted softly next to me even as she laughed. I could sense the giddiness that was running through her because it was the same thing I was feeling.
After we caught our breath she knelt by the stream cupping her hands in the water to bring it to her lips. I just watched her. It seemed like I was always watching her, or trying to remind myself not to watch her. I tracked an errant bead of water that ran down her throat traveling into her shirt where I imagined it trickling between her breasts.
She looked up at me inquiringly when she noticed that I wasn’t drinking too. My eyes shot up to her face guiltily. I went to my knees practically sticking my head in the water to cool myself off. I drank greedily all the while trying to think of a way to keep from making more of a fool of myself.
When I sat back on my heels she was sitting very close to me watching me with a small smile. “You know, we’ll be starting college pretty soon.” Kathy said seriously.
“Yeah.” Kathy hadn’t mentioned that to me before. We never really talked about the future. I didn’t want to think of her eventually leaving for school or taking a mate so I never brought it up.
“Do you think your parents will let you stay in the dorms?” Kathy asked as she used her fingers to write in the dirt.
I laughed out loud. I wasn’t sure my Dad even wanted me to go to college on the off chance that I lost my head over some guy. I was more worried about losing my head over some girl. It didn’t matter, my Mom had already sent off the check for my first semester so I knew it was a done deal. But living in the dorm? That was a stretch. “I don’t think my Dad would go for that idea.” I said still chuckling to myself.
“I was hoping we’d be able to get a dorm room together.” She said smiling.
I jumped slightly at that statement trying to cover it with another laugh.
“My parents seemed to think that was okay, us living together. Of course, they said I had to come home on the weekends but that’s okay since it’s only an hour away.” Kathy said.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” I admitted reluctantly. It just wasn’t a good idea. God it was so not a good idea at all. I could barely keep my hands to myself as it was. If we lived together it would be bad. Alone, in a room. By ourselves. No, it would be very bad.
She turned looking at me for a moment then frowned slightly. “Why on earth not?” She asked. “We could at least have some freedom. Maybe actually date without our parents hovering.”
She wants to move to the dorm so she can date? She wants to live in the dorm with me because it was a way for her parents to agree to it. Then she wants to date! “I don’t want to date.” I snapped.
I could tell she was shocked at my outburst. I don’t think I’d ever snapped at her before but it was hard enough when I was out on double dates with her. I couldn’t stand to live with her only to have to see some idiot getting what I wanted for myself.
Her warm hand on my arm brought my attention from where I was frowning at the water back to her. “What’s wrong?” She asked, concerned.
I stared at her, every thought and desire speeding though my mind dying to get out. My mouth opened then closed. I couldn’t make any words come out. I could feel my heart beating fast. There was a heaviness gathering in my core. I started to pull away so I could stand up. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run as far as I could as fast as I could. I knew that she’d pick up my arousal if I stayed. She stopped me by grabbing on to my hand pulling me towards her.
Her head came up sharply her nostrils flaring. I knew she was scenting me. I watched as her eyes tracked down my body as if looking for the location of the scent. I also knew what she would find in that scent. I tried to casually lean away from her hoping that the miniscule distance that I could put between us would keep her from knowing my secret. Her hands pulled gently urging me towards her. Her grip was strong, her fingers like steel traps around my own. I followed her hand closer to her as my heart hammered in my chest.
“Are you scared?” Kathy asked.
“No, no.” I stuttered nearly ready to faint from the speed of my heart coupled with the lack of breathing.
She reached over putting her other hand over my chest feeling my heart pounding out its rhythm. “You should breath.” She said softly.
I did. I took a deep gulping breath releasing it as slowly as possible trying to get myself under control. I knew it was pointless as long as she was touching me.
She leaned over brushing her lips against my cheek as she trailed her hand down my body to rest against my stomach. I felt it flip. As if my stomach was responding to her touch. I turned to look at her a question in my eyes. She just shook her head with a smile then leaned in again to brush her lips against mine.
I gasped at the contact. What the hell? I wanted to ask her why she’d done that but I stayed silent. I didn’t want to give her a reason to stop. It was everything I had dreamed. I wanted to respond but I’d never been kissed like that before. Knowing the general mechanics of something as opposed to the practical application were very different things. I was scared, my Mom’s warnings blaring in my mind. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know but Kathy seemed to. She pressed her lips more firmly against mine gently moving them, teasing mine. I let go for just a moment. I wanted to know what this was like just one time. I moved my lips under hers feeling her tongue flick my lower lip. I trembled, my mouth parting slightly. Her tongue brushed against my own lightly, teasing. The kiss seemed to go on for long minutes. When she finally pulled away I was breathing even harder than before. I brought my hand to my lips running my fingers across them as if I’d never felt them before. The tingling from my lips traveled straight down my arm to the rest of my body.
“I’ve been waiting almost forever to do that.” Kathy breathed out inches from my lips. She watched as my fingers ran over my lips. I moved my fingers away from my lips brushing hers gently the same way I had my own. I trailed my fingers down her chin moving them downward along her neck until my hand lay over her heart. It was beating so hard I was surprised I could hear her voice over the pounding rhythm.
“Almost forever?” I asked feeling her heart against my hand. I took a deep breath bringing her scent into me. It made parts of me that I hadn’t known existed come to life.
She nodded. Her breath hitched in her throat as I moved my hand from the middle of her chest grazing over her breast lightly.
Surprise made me jerk my eyes up to hers from where I was watching my thumb move over her nipple through her shirt. It was amazing how it contracted more and more with my every touch. “You knew?” I asked shocked. I had tried so hard to hide it. I thought I’d been successful.
“Yes.” She replied as she held my eyes, not letting my gaze shift from hers.
“What about…I mean if we’re caught..” I trailed off as I tried to pull away. She put her hand on my arm to hold me where I was.
“It doesn’t bother you?” I asked not really wanting to hear the answer but something inside me forced the words out anyway.
“I tried to ignore how I feel about you.” She said as she moved towards my lips again. “I know what could happen if we were caught. I just don’t believe it will happen. This is a different era.” Kathy said as her lips brushed mine.
I didn’t have the same faith as Kathy about it being a new era. We may have changed with the times in many ways. Yet we were still steeped in tradition and antiquated beliefs. With her lips on mine, her tongue moving against mine provocatively I found that I didn’t care so much.
The light touch of her hands on my shoulders pushed me back onto the grass behind me while our lips continued exploring. I moaned when she draped her body over mine pressing against me. I wanted to move, to rub myself against her but her hands where moving down my sides distracting me.
I felt a draft for a few moments but didn’t open my eyes. I was concentrating on the feelings shooting through my body. Then her body was back, pressing against mine. I brought my arms up to pull her closer feeling the silk of her skin rather than the rough cloth of her shirt. I traced her spine with my fingers working them down until I met the top of her shorts. I let my hands slip inside under her panties to grip the soft flesh. I pulled her harder into me. My hips were moving under her causing hers to thrust against me in response.
She pulled away from me slightly. I could feel her eyes on me. I opened mine slowly. Everything looked different to me. Things were clearer with a slight corona surrounding everything. Our eyes met. Hers had changed. They were reflective with almost no pupil. Instead of their normal brown color they were the most amazing shade of light grey. Something like a growl emitted from my body. I froze at the sound. Was that really me?
“Your eyes changed.” She said with wonder.
I nodded my head whispering with a shaky voice, “Yours too.”
She stood up after a few moments starting to pull off her shorts snaking her underwear down with them. She held her hand out to me pulling me up. Then her hands were removing my clothes. I stood rooted in place. Then nature or instinct, I’m not sure which, took over. I finished ripping the rest of my clothes off quickly tossing them to the side. Our bodies came together wildly. It was no longer two people with each other. We were half wild animals slacking a lust that was all consuming. I grabbed her thighs lifting her up with my arms. I fell to my knees letting her back slam into the grass. It didn’t seem to register with her or with me for that matter. I was too far gone. Low growls were coming from both of us even as we kissed. Tongues dueled as teeth nipped more aggressively with each taste. I pulled away taking a deep breath. What filled me was the smell of her desire. I bent my head down nipping at her breasts then her stomach as I moved. Somewhere in my mind I knew I wanted to linger over them, over every part of her body but my animal was single minded in its need. I pushed my face against her moving it back and forth, smearing her wetness all over my face. I pulled back just enough to take deep gulping breaths. It was too much. My mouth was on her before I even realized I’d moved forward. I wasn’t gentle. I scraped my teeth over her most sensitive area. My tongue was harsh against her sex. When I sucked her clit into my mouth I bit down with more pressure than anyone else could have taken.
Her hands were gripping my hair pulling me more firmly into her. The sounds coming from her were far from human. Her body pumping into my mouth told me that no matter how rough I was it wasn’t enough. Without thinking I pushed two of my fingers into her. I heard the sharp keening that ripped form her throat when I entered her. I stopped for a moment, my rational mind coming to the forefront as I realized that I had just taken her virginity. Even as the thought registered in my mind her body was plunging onto my fingers causing the thought to drift away as if it never was.
I consumed everything she had still wanting more. When her orgasm ripped through her she lifted up partially grabbing my shoulders to bring me in closer. Her grip was so tight, so strong that I felt pain lance across my shoulder blades from one to the other. When she finally relaxed back she let me go. I couldn’t help the small licks I gave her before she pulled me up to cover her body. I was breathing heavy my need still burning in my eyes, burning in my body. I pressed my lips against hers ready to thrust my tongue inside her. I wanted to dominate her. The soft brush of her lips stopped me. The push of her tongue into my mouth as she fed off of it, taking in her own essence made me gentle. The animal was there under the surface waiting, wanting. It was me that kissed her though. It was me that rolled us over so that she was on top of me, her body pressing mine down into the soft ground.
Then as if a switch had been thrown in her. Kathy attacked. It was the only way to describe it. It was primal. It was violent. It made me shake with desire. I roared out my orgasm as she bit down on my shoulder with her fingers pounding into me.
We lay together afterwards not saying anything. I shifted to get up. Her hands stopped me holding me in place partially under her. “Are you okay?” She asked softly.
I couldn’t meet her eyes at first. But finally I looked at her nodding. “I’m okay.” I told her my meaning clear. Everything was alright. I smiled at her blushing slightly. “Are you…?” My voice trailed off with the question.
She smiled back at me leaning down to brush her lips against mine. “I’m great.” She said as she stood up pulling me up with her.
I gasped looking at her body. Her breasts and stomach were covered in bite marks. Some even had blood dried on them. I raised horrified eyes to hers. “I’m sorry!” I said as I backed away as if I was afraid I would hurt her again.
She smiled again stepping forward to grab my hand stopping my steps away from her. “Helen. I told you, I’m great.” She ran her hand over her breasts then moving lightly down her stomach. “This is great. It was perfect.”
As if to emphasize her point she drew a finger across the muscle between my neck and shoulder. The slight pain it generated made me look over. A perfect bloody imprint of her teeth rested there. Then her eyes tracked down my body. I followed their path looking down at myself. I was covered in bite marks. There were deep grooves from her nails also. I noticed that even my back and buttocks were stinging from her attention.
Then the most alarming thought drifted across my mind. It must have shown on my face because Kathy frowned with concern lifting a questioning brow. “How am I going to explain this to my parents?” I asked out loud not really expecting an answer from her.
“You won’t” Kathy told me. “They won’t know. We act like nothing happened. Everything will be fine.” She assured me.
I looked at her skeptically. My parents always asked about everything that I did. I could smell the blood and sex on us. I knew they would be able to as well.
“We’ll clean up here.” She said as she stepping into the stream splashing water over herself. She didn’t even flinch when the water hit her torn flesh. “They won’t ask.” She reiterated when I just stood there.
I didn’t really believe her. What choice did I have though? I couldn’t take it all back even if I wanted to. I didn’t want to take it all back. So, I stepped into the water and began to clean myself. When the water hit the marks on my body I shuddered as the pain shot right to my center. It was all I could do to control the moan of arousal.
“Feel good?” Kathy asked as she splashed more water against herself smiling at me knowingly.
I was barely able to choke out “Yes!” After making sure every inch of my body was as clean as I could get it. I stepped out of the stream starting to shake out my clothes noticing that my underwear was in shreds. I laughed softly before using them to dry the excess water off my body. I offered them to Kathy with a grin. She took them looking at them as if trying to remember how they had gotten in that state. With a small shake of her head she used them to dry off before dressing.
Fully clothed she waited for me to finish trying to brush the wrinkles out of my clothes. I tried to work up the nerve to look at her. I was shy all of a sudden. Now that it was just me inside me I didn’t know what to do or say. She reached out for my hand twinning our fingers together as she started walking. She pulled me after her until I lengthened my stride to walk beside her. She walked me right to my door as if it were any other day. I turned to say something, I had no idea what. Thanks for the great sex? Want to run away together? I didn’t get a chance to say anything. She leaned in to hug me just as she’d done more times than I can count whispering in my ear, “Meet me tomorrow at my house?”
I nodded dumbly watching as she walked away. She turned over her shoulder giving me a wink before taking off at a jog towards her house.
I gripped the door handle taking a deep breath preparing for the worst. When I stepped inside I could hear my parents talking about their day at work and the plans for the next weekend. I went straight for the kitchen making a beeline to the refrigerator to grab a couple bottles of water and a sandwich. I downed the first bottle in one gulp. The sandwich was inhaled just as fast. The second bottle of water was savored for about a second longer than the first.
I heard my Dad call my name from the living room. With an internal wince I stood up walking towards the front room like I was walking in front of a firing squad. I sat down on the couch as far from both of them as I could get. “What’s up?” I asked, trying to sound completely normal.
“We wanted to talk to you for a minute.” Dad started. I waited for him to continue keeping steady eye contact. “We made plans with the Clayton’s to go out of town next weekend.” He told me. My brows crawled upwards with surprise. My parents rarely went out of town. I couldn’t remember them ever going anywhere that took them away one night let alone a weekend. I suppose they needed sometime away too. The Claytons were very good friends of my parents. They also happened to be Kathy and Jeremy’s parents. “We were thinking that it would be a good idea if you and Kathy stayed here. We’re not comfortable with you both being left alone.”
“Together?” I asked with confusion. Considering what Mom knew about me I was shocked that it was even suggested. Not that I was about to look this gift horse in the mouth.
“Yes.” He looked at me strangely for a moment. “Is there something wrong?” He asked finally. “Do you mind staying with Kathy?”
“No, no problem. Nothings wrong. I was just surprised you guys were going away.” It was partially true.
“Don’t worry, everyone else will be around if you have any problems.” Dad reassured me.
In Dad speak that meant that the entire community would be keeping an eye on us. I nodded my head with a quick glance at Mom. She didn’t seem to be concerned at all. I stood up smiling when my body registered the pain from my day. “I’m just going to go upstairs to take a shower. Call when dinner’s ready?” I asked Mom. She nodded at me starting to talk to my Dad again about the plans for the following weekend.
The next morning I was outside Kathy’s house staring at her door willing myself to knock before someone wandered by and asked me why I was staring at a door like I’d never seen one before. Just as I had screwed up the courage to knock the door flew open. Kathy smiled at me. “How long have you been standing there?” She asked still smiling.
“Umm. Not long.” I lied. But the look she gave me told me that she knew better. She turned back yelling into the house. “Mom, Helen and I are going out.” She shut the door as the muffled “okay” was yelled back.
We were pretty far away from the houses, just entering the start of our forest when Kathy asked “Are you okay? I mean,” she waved her hand over her body to indicate what she was talking about.
I laughed at her. “I’m fine. Hardly a mark left actually.” I shrugged my shoulders. I had wished that they would have lasted longer. Then I figured we could make new ones. That was a much better thought.
“Yeah, me too. It was kind of disappointing. You know?” She asked as she glanced over at me. I nodded in agreement. “I mean, we worked so hard to put them there it seems like they should have lasted longer.” She grumbled.
I laughed again. Then I said what I had thought only moments ago. “You know, that just means we get to put them back again.”
Her beaming smile was response enough. She grabbed my hand pulling me along as we started to jog. Then she let go throwing a smile back at me as she started running as fast as she could. I watched from behind her as she glided over the ground. If I looked half as graceful as she did when I ran I counted myself lucky. I stretched my legs feeling the pull as I started gaining on her. She also slowed down a bit so that I wasn’t so far behind. I wondered what she would look like when she changed. Would she have dark brown fur like her hair? It was a beautiful chestnut brown. I thought it would be beautiful on her as a wolf. As I thought about this I noticed that I’d lost sight of her. I slowed down then finally stopped, making a slow circle while listening to the forest around me. I knew she was somewhere nearby. I could feel her. It was just pin pointing where. I smiled slightly as an idea formed. She wanted to play. Well I could play too.
I pulled my top off slowly letting it fall from my fingers as I looked around. I heard little sounds of a rabbit creeping through the brush. The wings of a bird as it left its perch and then the intake of breath that I was looking for. I reached around unclasping my bra then dropping it onto the ground. I could hear her increased breathing from my display. I thought I knew where she might be. I slid my shorts down dragging my panties down my legs slowly. I stepped out of them while toeing off my shoes. With my nakedness came the onset of a deep arousal. We were playing a game. I knew how it would end but the anticipation had my breath coming in pants. My body was tightening with every beat of my heart. I felt her coming up behind me. I turned ready to tear her clothes off to get to her body.
Instead I was practically tackled by her. We went down hard. I had the breath knocked out of me. I was gasping for breath but she didn’t notice. Her mouth was on my neck kissing softly then biting down lightly as she worked her way down my body. As she reached my chest I finally managed to get some air in lungs only to loose it when she bit down on my nipple. I could feel her teeth puncture the sensitive nub. I groaned smelling the faintly metallic scent of my blood. I pulled her closer wishing that she could eat me alive. I didn’t think it could get any better than yesterday. When she turned me over I felt her teeth sink into the soft flesh of my left cheek while she pushed into me. I knew I was wrong. I felt teeth, tongue and lips all over my thighs and butt. It drove me insane causing deep rumbling growls to escape from my chest. I couldn’t push back onto her fingers hard enough. Every press of her teeth, every swipe of her tongue drove me higher. The orgasm that ripped through me tore a guttural cry from my lips leaving me limp on the ground. I couldn’t move. Not even when her naked body lay on top of me while grinding herself into my ass. God it made aftershocks shoot through me.
Finally I rolled underneath her pulling her down kissing her deeply. The taste of my blood on her lips was like lightening through my body. I wanted to consume her. I sat up with the sudden overwhelming urge to take her. I pulled her legs around my waist feeding at her mouth while simultaneously pushing my fingers into her. I could smell her need. It drove me absolutely crazy with desire for her. Her arms wrapped around me. Then I felt her nails digging into my back. I hissed in pleasure letting my head drop to her chest. I closed my eyes savoring the feel of her around my fingers. Her moans made me push into her harder. I mouthed her nipple chewing on it while I listened to the heady sound of her low moans caused by my actions. She whispered to me softly. I couldn’t make out the words in my haze. My other hand went around her back then stroking lower pulling her closer by the soft flesh of her bottom. My nails scraped against her. I knew there would be bruised crescent moons marking her later. I pulled her cheeks apart with one hand brushing a fingertip across the wrinkled skin. I felt her muscles start to grip my fingers. I pulled away from her breast looking up into her face. She was close, so very close. I bent my head again biting into the flesh of her breast. I pushed the finger that I was caressing her rear entrance with into her just a little bit. I didn’t want to hurt her. Her grip on me made me wince before she started to shake apart in my arms, groaning around my shoulder where she was biting into me to stifle the noise.
I groaned jerking when her teeth penetrated my skin. When she was slack against me I wondered idly if everyone had sex like this. If it was always just past out of control bordering on violent? I rubbed her back and sighed. Or maybe it was just us. I had no frame of reference. “Do you think it’s like this for everyone?” I asked aloud not really expecting an answer because I knew this was a first for both of us.
“What?” She asked confused.
“You know.” I traced my bite mark with gentle fingers. I pulled my fingers away licking them slowly removing the little bit of blood that I had picked up.
“I don’t know.” She admitted when she caught my meaning. “I don’t really care. I know I like it.” She leaned in licking then sucking on my sore nipple making me groan out my pleasure at the touch. “And I know you like it.”
I lay back pulling her with me. It seemed so unreal to have her here in my arms. To know that she wanted me. I closed my eyes pulling her closer. She laid her head on my chest. Her breath blew across my skin like feathers. Her hand drifter across my stomach tracing the marks she left on me. My breathing hitched when her hand moved lower. Blood started pumping through my body bringing a scalding heat rushing through me. It was gentler this time. The fire and passion were there in full force. This time though, each stroke was deliberate without losing control.
That afternoon as we headed back home, I asked her if her parents had told her about the following weekend.
“You mean them going out of town?” She said with a smile pulling me to her as she kissed me as if she wanted to devour me on the spot.
“Yeah, that.” I said when I could catch my breath. That was some kiss.
“I can’t wait. We get an entire weekend, just the two of us, with no parents to worry about.” She sighed. “I finally get to sleep with you.” She added with a leer.
I raised an eyebrow at that. I thought we’d already ‘slept’ together. I wondered why everyone described it like that. Maybe it was because it sounded better than saying sex. It was more private, less crass. “No, I mean actually sleep with you. Hold you while you sleep.” She replied shyly.
“Oh,” I was surprised. “You want to do that?” I asked trying to hold in my smile. I was happy about that, extremely happy about it.
She looked at me like I should no better than to ask. “Of course. Don’t you?”
“Of course.” I echoed. “I just…I well…I thought it meant more…” I trailed off thinking it was too revealing for comfort.
She looked at me for a few seconds as if she was trying to see inside me. “You thought that this doesn’t mean as much to me as it does to you.” She stated for me.
I just nodded.
“You thought wrong.” She told me.
I nodded again smiling. Not a pronouncement of undying love but I never really expected that anyway. I was more than happy with this.
The next week was filled with anticipation for the up coming weekend. Kathy and I tried to act completely normal around each other. I couldn’t help notice the smell of arousal bleeding from her pores when we were around each other. I knew that the same thing was happening to me. We decided it would be better if we tried to keep our contact to private moments away from anyone who might notice.
It made it a long week. The stolen moments in the evening were worth all the trouble. When Friday finally came around I was ready to push my parents out the door. I acted as normal as possible. I waved from the porch smiling as they all drove away. The entire time I was hyper aware of Kathy next to me.
When they were no longer in view I turned to go inside. “Uh, Mom left a casserole if you’re hungry.” I told her when I heard the door shut behind her.
“Actually, I thought maybe we could watch TV or something.” Kathy said as she moved past me into the living room. She didn’t even try to touch me as she went by. I thought that was strange since she was constantly touching me recently.
I shrugged following her into the living room. I plopped down on the couch in my favorite spot reclining over most of the space. I made sure to leave enough room for her to sit down though. So I was surprised and a little annoyed when she sat in the recliner that my Mom liked to sit in.
I arched an eyebrow at her in question. No one had reached for the remote in the ensuing silence so I figured something had to be up.
“I have a date tonight.”
I blinked. A date? I nodded my head leaning back on the arm of the couch to look at the ceiling contemplatively. “With who?” I asked after a few seconds. My voice was calm. In fact, it sounded like I was just making a friendly inquiry.
“My Dad set me up to go out with David Marston.” She sounded excited to me. I peered at her with half hooded eyes trying not to show how angry I was at this news. She seemed okay with it. Happy even, which confused me. She was sleeping with me. She had said that it was important to her. I was confused. Confusion had set up house and was unpacking.
“David Marston.” I repeated. He had to be one of the most attractive guys I’d ever seen. If I hadn’t decided I was gay I might have wanted to go out with him myself. The idea of my girlfriend, no, that didn’t seem right, not girlfriend. We didn’t do the typical dating things. In fact the only thing we did was have sex. It was great mind blowing sex. Still it was just sex. My fuck buddy, sex partner, first fucking love or whatever I could call her was going out with some guy and seemed happy about it! I bit down on my tongue. I wanted to tear her throat out. No, I wanted to tear his damn throat out then I would cut out his heart while she watched.
“You’re Dad’s actually letting you go out while he’s out of town?” I asked after running all that through my mind. Obviously, it did mean more to me than it did to her.
“Well, he did have one rule about the date.” She said hesitantly. Just from the tone I knew I wouldn’t like it. “He said that I had to take you with me.”
I knew I wouldn’t like it.
“I know its short notice but I didn’t think you would have trouble finding a date.” She rambled on so fast as if she were nervous about it. I suppose she was all things considered. “I thought you might like to invite Steven, maybe?”
Ah, I get Steven. Nice safe Steven who she knows I’m not attracted to in any way while she gets the stud of the Pack. Well, if she could have a good time I didn’t know why I couldn’t too. It would serve her right. She wasn’t the only fucking fish in the sea god damn it!
I stood up stretching to get rid of some of my tension and anger. “You’re right.” I said as I headed to the phone. “It shouldn’t take me long to find a date.” I flipped through the day planner that we all kept our numbers in finding Amy’s number easily. Amy McGregor was a really good friend of mine at school. In fact, she was one of the only friends that I talked to on the phone. She was also someone I hung around at school with on a regular basis. I also knew that she had a thing for me. I’d entertained the idea of approaching her before Kathy and I had started our…affair. I jabbed in the numbers not looking as Kathy followed behind me.
I took the cordless walking away a little to give myself the illusion of privacy. She picked up on the third ring. “Hello?” I heard her voice and smiled. I really did like her voice.
“Hey Amy, its Helen.” I said quietly.
“Helen!” I could hear the smile in her voice when she said my name. “What’s up?”
“Well, I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight?” I asked with more ease than I felt.
“Nothing I can’t cancel.” Came her immediate response. “What did you have in mind?”
“Kathy has a date. It turns out she needs a chaperone, so to speak.” I laughed softly. “I just thought that the whole experience would be way better if I could get you to keep me company.” The stress I put on the word company made it sound utterly obscene. I’d learned a few things about flirting in the last couple of weeks thanks to Kathy.
“A double date?” Amy said. The interest was clear in her voice. I guess she wanted me to confirm it was a date, to actually say it aloud.
“Yeah, a double date.” I said smiling as I turned around to find Kathy staring at me. I couldn’t quite decipher the look. I figured she must be thinking about Marston.
“What time do you want to meet?” She asked without any hesitation.
“I thought I might pick you up.” I told her. I really didn’t want to be trapped in a car with Kathy and David Marston, I sneered his name to myself.
“What time?” She asked. A girl of few words, I liked that about her.
“Seven.” I told her after I mouthed the question to Kathy. She had said eight, so I figured I’d have time to pick Amy up then meet Kathy and studly wherever this date was supposed to take place. It did occur to me that I probably wasn’t supposed to leave the two of them alone. I didn’t care at the moment I was so damn angry at her.
“Great, I can’t wait.” Amy said softly. The promise I heard in those words assuaged my wounded pride a little.
“Me either.” I told her. “Well, I better go. I have to get ready. You know it takes me a while to make myself presentable.” I joked.
“Somehow I doubt that.” She said with a laugh. “But, you’re right. I have a hot date to get ready for too. I’ll see you at seven.” She said before I heard the click of the phone in my ear.
I smiled smugly to myself as I brought the phone back to the base. I glanced up at Kathy offering a blank expression not willing to let what I felt about her or this date to show. “Gotta date, no problem.” I said as I moved around her towards the stairs. I really did have to get ready. It was almost five now. I’d have just enough time to get a shower then get ready before I had to pick Amy up.
“You’re taking Amy?” Kathy finally asked in a not so gentle tone.
I stopped turning on the first step to look at her with a bland expression.
“Yes. I thought you’d be happy that I was able to get a date so easily. That way I’m not the third wheel. You don’t have to worry about including me in you’re time with hot shot.” I said as I leaned against the wall.
“Aren’t you worried that David will think you’re on a date with her?” She sounded pissed off. The only person who deserved to be pissed in this situation was me.
“I will be on a date with her.” I pointed out patiently. “No, I’m not worried about what David might think. I figure you can keep him so busy he won’t know what I’m doing with Amy.” I said smiling acidly.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she said coldly. “That shouldn’t be any problem at all.” She agreed as she turned to the door. “I’m just going to go get ready. Meet us at the theatre in town at eight. We’ll probably get dinner afterwards.” She said before slamming out the door.
I stared at the door disbelievingly. She was angry. She had no damn right to be angry. She was the one who wanted all this. I wanted to eat casserole, have wild sex and then fall asleep in her arms. Well, fuck it.
We all went into the theatre together. We had spent somewhat awkward, at least to me, moments introducing Amy to David. They didn’t run in the same circles at school. David being who he was at school had no idea who she was. He even asked if she was a recent transfer. What a fucking loser. I wanted to bash his pretty boy head in just for saying it. I wanted to kill him for being who he was. I wanted to tear out his heart then eat it for being with Kathy!
When we started into the dark auditorium I whispered to Kathy that Amy and I were going to sit in the back opposite the door. It was one of the more secluded spots in the place. The only reason I chose it was because I didn’t want to be able to see Kathy and David. Being in that spot would do that. Plus, you could only see our position from a few places. I wanted Kathy to know that I wanted privacy.
As we were getting ready to sit down I noticed that Kathy had chosen one of the spots that a person could actually see where we were sitting. It annoyed me. Then I realized that while Kathy could see us David couldn’t. I was somewhat happy about it. I hoped that the sight of Amy and me together, if she bothered to look, would make her as angry, not to mention jealous, as I was.
The lights went down when the trailers started. I sat the big gulp of diet Pepsi that I had bought in the cup holder in the chair beside me. I had a habit of spreading out in a seat. I didn’t want to knock it over by accident. I saw that the popcorn was sitting on Amy’s lap. I also noticed that her drink was out of the way too. I smiled at her while dipping my hand into the popcorn as I turned to face the screen. The trailers were usually really entertaining. I liked seeing what was coming up soon.
The movie was terrible. It was one of those horror flicks that I usually disdained refusing to see. They were all the same, the girl running through the forest from the psycho wielding some kind of terrifying weapon. It was boring. Now if the girl would turn around then crack him over the head with a large branch. Then kick him in the nuts I’d probably be more interested.
I sighed shifting to the left accidentally brushing up against Amy’s arm. I started to whisper an apology while trying to shift away from her to the other side when her hand on my arm stopped me. She leaned closer to me whispering, “Who picked out this movie?”
I gave an exaggerated sigh pointing towards where Kathy and dumb ass were sitting. I whispered in her ear, “Guess.”
She laughed a little staying turned towards me. “So, this isn’t your thing then?” She asked softly.
I shook my head. “Hardly.” I whispered back. “I would rather watch grass grow.”
“Well, we could find something else to do.” She suggested in my ear. I shuddered slightly at the feel of her tongue tracing the shell of my ear. While I may have put on a show for Kathy I really hadn’t planned on doing anything with Amy. I just wanted to give as good as I got. But, I acknowledged as another shudder ran through me. I am only human, sort of.
I turned towards her when she finally pulled away from my earlobe after sucking on it gently. I tried to temper myself. I knew I could get out of control easily. I didn’t think Amy would appreciate the aggressive nature of my response. I kissed her softly noting the difference between her kisses and Kathy’s. Kissing Amy was pleasantly stimulating. Though not nearly as exciting as kissing Kathy. I pressed against her lips more firmly determined not to think about Kathy. I flipped the arm rest up that was between us. Without realizing it my hand was slowly traveling up her thigh towards her mound. When I pressed against her she gasped loudly. I pulled my hand away quickly looking at it as if weren’t apart of me. What the hell was I doing?
I wasn’t quite prepared when she stood up suddenly pulling me with her towards the exit. I tugged her hand making her stop. “I can’t leave them alone here. Her parents would be pissed.” I whispered as I gestured towards Kathy and David.
“We’re not going far.” She assured me. “We won’t even leave the building.”
I could feel eyes on us as I was pulled along. I glanced back. Kathy was watching us with that same weird look on her face. I turned back around as I tripped over a discarded popcorn bucket. Then before I knew it we were in the bathroom in the back stall. I was pushed in with Amy right behind me. I tried not to fall on the toilet seat. As soon as she had latched the door Amy pulled me to her. The kiss she gave me was incendiary. I could feel her want with every breath I took. It was pulled into me in great gasps as our lips broke apart. Her hand was under my top pushing up my bra before I could take my next breath. I moaned while pushing against her hand. God it felt good. She hummed at my response then moved from under my top to the button of my jeans. I sucked in a breath really wanting to stop her. My body had taken over. I couldn’t do it. She pushed down my pants taking my underwear with them. Just as her fingers brushed against me the door to the stall shook. Then it was wrenched open. I heard the bending of metal as the latch bent.
I somehow expected to see Marston standing there looking at me as if I were the devil, a betrayer of our race. Instead I saw Kathy. She was infuriated. She was so close to turning that it scared me. We were in public. With someone not of us. I had to do something and fast.
Amy, after the initial shocked glance at Kathy, was frantically pulling her clothes back in order. I gripped my pants to put pull them up trying button them. Before I could I was yanked out of the stall. I was slammed against the bathroom wall. It knocked the breath out of me. I slide down the wall, when my legs wouldn’t hold me up, waiting for the stars to disappear from my vision. I looked up at Kathy when my eyes cleared. I was frightened by the snarl on her face. The assault of absolute fury that radiated from every pore of her body scared me. I’d never been as scared of anyone as I was at that moment.
Before I could say or do anything she rounded on Amy grabbing her easily. She pulled her out of the stall lifting Amy off her feet before tossing her a couple of feet away. It must have been the shock because Amy glared at Kathy as she stood up shakily. “What the fuck is your problem!” She yelled at Kathy. If it had been me and someone had lifted me so effortlessly tossing me across a room I would have been running not yelling at them. That was ironic since not twenty minutes before I was thinking that the girl should turn around and attack the psycho. Not that Kathy was a psycho but she was doing a pretty good impression right now.
“Get out!” Kathy growled as she started moving towards her.
I slowly stood up. The growl wasn’t good. It was kind of dark in the bathroom since more than a few lights were broken above us. If Kathy got too close or moved into the light anymore chances were good Amy would see something she shouldn’t.
“Kathy.” I said trying to draw her attention to me. When she ignored me I pulled on her arm turning her towards me. Rage stared back at me. A not unpleasant shiver ran through my body. That look brought my earlier arousal back ramping it up times a hundred. I spared a brief thought of how fucked up I was that her rage excited me so much.
“Amy,” I said as I held Kathy’s gaze. “I need you to go back into the theatre. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I said trying to reassure her. “Please?” I asked when she continued to glare at Kathy’s back not making a move to leave. She finally looked at me with a worried frown. “I’ll be fine.” I assured her. Though I really didn’t know how true that statement was.
I let out a relieved sigh when the door closed looking back at Kathy. Her eyes were anything but normal. I recognized some other signs that she was getting close to the change. Her incisors had lengthened. She was bent over as if any moment her body was going to change. I watched her warily as she took a deep breath trying to regain some control. Her body straightened but her teeth were still augmented slightly. Her grey eyes burned into mine with an unnatural fury.
I started to say her name lifting my hand up in a conciliatory gesture. She was on me before I could even get the last syllable out of my mouth. She pushed me into the wall with her body practically ripping my shirt off me. Her hands seemed to be everywhere. Her knee thrust between my legs parting them as she yanked my pants partway down. I put my hands on her shoulders to push her away. This was too dangerous. Even though my blood was pumping through my body like wildfire for her, I wasn’t about to stand for this. She was acting like she owned me. I was angry enough about David that I wanted to hurt her physically. She staggered back when I pushed her glaring angrily. My glare didn’t have the absolute wrath hers held. She was back on me in an instant. I tried to bring my arms up to push her away again. She used her body to trap my arms between us. Then all at once her teeth sank into shoulder as her fingers pushed into me while her thumb moved over my clit. I cried out as the pain from her bite ran through me. It did hurt yet somehow it made everything that much better. I could feel the blood dripping down my chest and back. Her fingers were rough. Her strokes brutal and unforgiving. My body responded to it. I rode her fingers with my eyes tightly shut feeling the waves of anger and desire roll off of her then crash into me. My orgasm slashed through me like a bolt of lightning making me sag against her.
The only thing holding me up was her body pressing me against the wall. She released my shoulder from the sharp grip of her teeth then used her tongue to lap up the blood that had trickled down my chest. She pulled away from me, watching as I sagged against the wall barely keeping myself upright. She was breathing hard still. I could see the anger that still glimmered in her eyes. Her eyes were normal again as were her teeth. She reached for my chin holding it tightly almost painfully in her hand forcing me to look fully into her eyes. “Mine.” She gritted out between clenched teeth. She left without another word or a backward glance.
I stood there for a moment trying to get my body and mind under control. After a few moments I struggled to pull my pants into place. I looked around taking deep breaths. I pulled a wad of paper towels out of the dispenser wiping up the blood that she had missed on my chest. I turned to swipe at the blood that was on my back. Finally, I managed to pull on my shirt even though it made pain stab through my neck and shoulder. I had to go back into the theatre. I had to go sit beside Amy acting as if everything was okay. I had to try to explain somehow what had just happened. What in the hell was I supposed to say. I’m sorry my kind of girlfriend freaked out on her date with someone else when we went to have sex in the bathroom. Oh, I’m sorry really she almost tried to eat you. It summed it up but it wasn’t something that I could actually say.
I left the bathroom heading back into the theatre not sure of what I would say. I sat down next to Amy without looking at her. After a few minutes of silence I felt her hand on my arm. I jerked away as if I’d been bitten. I looked at her apologetically shaking my head. “I’m sorry Amy.” I looked away noticing when Kathy glanced at us. “I’m sorry. Maybe I should take you home.” I suggested finally.
She nodded her head as I stood up. “I have to tell them we’re leaving.” I told her when she stood up. She nodded heading towards the exit.
I walked down to where they were sitting. David looked over at me curiously. I nodded my head forcing a smile before I said, “Amy isn’t feeling well so I’m going to take her home.”
He nodded his head. Kathy stared at me until I met her eyes. “Are you heading home after that?” She asked quietly. There was no trace of any of the fury I’d seen in the bathroom.
“Yeah, I think I need some sleep.” I replied as I walked away. How had things gotten so out of control? How had everything messed up so quickly I wondered with a sigh.
I took a shower as soon as I got home. I wanted to wash the smell of the night off of my body. It also felt so good to have the hot water beating down on me. I felt some of the tension of the night melt away. Amy had been quiet. My stammered apology along with my lame explanation about Kathy not knowing I was gay was accepted if not believed.
I pulled on boxers and a tank sliding into bed with a sigh. I stared at the ceiling replaying the scene in the bathroom. Would I have acted that way if our positions had been reversed? I thought about that for a while finally admitting that I would have reacted exactly the same way. It might not have ended as well as it did with Amy and Kathy. Considering our territorial and aggressive nature I imagined it would have left one of us dead. I was actually in awe of Kathy’s control all things considered.
I closed my eyes turning over to try to sleep. I assumed Kathy would sleep in the guest room tonight. I hoped so at any rate. I didn’t feel up to another confrontation. Finally the events of the night overwhelmed me letting me fall into a grateful sleep.
The feel of someone slipping into bed then curling around me brought me fully awake. I lay there barely breathing. Kathy pulled me closer burying her nose in the back of my neck while taking deep breaths. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Honestly, I wanted to yell at her for hurting me. Not just her out of control reactions in the bathroom. I wanted to yell at her for even going out on the date with Marston in the first place. Then going all insanely jealous when I did the same thing. I admit she wasn’t trying to fuck David in the bathroom. Though I didn’t know that she wouldn’t do it.
“What are you doing here?” I asked finally.
“I wanted to hold you while we slept.” She said softly.
“I don’t really want to be held right now.” I said pulling away then sitting up. She might want to act like nothing had happened but I sure as hell knew that I couldn’t act that way.
I heard her get up. She turned on the light making me squint my eyes at the brightness.
She didn’t say anything for long moments. I could feel her eyes on me though. “What did you expect me to do?” She asked her tone hardening.
I turned to look at her folding my arms. I wanted to hug myself. I didn’t do it. I didn’t want to appear that vulnerable. “I didn’t expect you to throw me against a wall. Assault a friend of mine then practically rape me.” I said evenly. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want things to get out of hand again.
“I just reacted.” She sounded sad. “It hurt so badly. I don’t know how. It just turned into something else. I just reacted.”
“Look,” I said taking a couple of steps towards her. I really hated to see her upset. “Maybe our parents were right, maybe we shouldn’t do this. We don’t have any control over ourselves. People could get hurt. Someone almost did get hurt.”
“What?” I could hear the absolute disbelief in her voice. She came over to me pulling me to her then wrapping her arms around me. I couldn’t help unfolding my arms to hug her back. Damn traitorous arms. “Don’t you know it’s already too late for that?” She asked quietly before kissing my cheek softly.
My brow furrowed. What? “What?” I asked, leaning back so I could see her face.
I heard her sigh as she let me go to go sit on the bed heavily. There it was again. That feeling that I knew I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say. “What do you know about our mating rituals?” She asked.
“About as much as you I suppose.” I told her. It’s not like my parents had went into any detail about it. Hell that was a long way off. It’s not like I really cared since I had decided to be long gone before that particular part of our life was thrust upon me. Up until now I really hadn’t made the decision to leave. I knew I wasn’t going to make myself miserable for anyone or anything not even for the good of the Pack.
She just snorted at my response before standing up. “Come with me.” She said as she started for the door.
What did I look like a damn dog to her? ‘Come with me’ my ass. “No. I’m tired. I’m going back to bed.” I told her as I moved in that direction.
“Fine!” She muttered in irritation. “Let me tell you about how we mate. How we seal that bond.” Her eyes were an intense brown that glittered at me with some emotion that I could barely recognize. “There’s no marriage ceremony. There’s no priest or gathering to acknowledge it. It’s sex. Then the blood exchange. That’s it.” She said while her eyes held mine. “It’s an exchange of bites then of blood.”
“How do you know?” I asked horrified.
“If you had come with me when I asked I would have shown you how I know.” Her voice was exasperated and annoyed.
I frowned not really understanding. She must have realized because she went on after watching me for a minute. “My Dad has this book. I guess it’s kind of a record of our kind.” She said with a shrug. “It was all in there. A lot of things were in there.”
“You knew?” I asked incredulously. “You knew the first time we were together?”
“Yes.” She said making then maintaining eye contact. “I would do it again.” She stated implacably.
Oh my God! That couldn’t be right. Wouldn’t my parents have said something if it was that damn easy to mate? Wouldn’t they have given me some type of warning? I’d talked to my Mom about it. She hadn’t said a word about it. Fuck. They were going to kill me. God, the Pack was going to kill me. Kill both of us. She knew. And she let this happen! I panicked. I started straight for the door ready to run as far away as I could. Maybe just maybe this would not be happening if I could run far enough.
I guess she was expecting something like that because as soon as I made a move for the door she was there to block me. I moved to get around her. Before I could she grabbed me holding on to me tightly. Since I couldn’t get away I used my words. “Do you know what this means?” I practically yelled. “They are going to kill us! Or send us away!” I said. I felt my stomach drop down to my feet. Fuck! I was getting tired of all this emotional crap. The idea of her suffering at all tore my heart to shreds. I couldn’t face it.
“Shhh Helen.” She soothed as she held me. “No one is going anywhere. We won’t be hurt. My father would never condone that. He wouldn’t stand for it.” She assured me. I wanted to believe her. Her father was the Alpha, our pack leader but why would my Mom be scared of the repercussions if it weren’t true?
“How can you be so calm about this?” I asked. She was calm, serene even. She seemed like this was the most natural thing in the world. That it was the best thing in the world. If I hadn’t been scared out of my wits about how the Pack would react I would think it was the best thing in the world too.
“I’m calm because I know I love you.” She brushed her lips against mine softly as if to prove it. “I’m calm because I’m happy about it.” Another soft brush of lips. “I’m calm because I know my Father and I know he wants everyone of us to be happy.”
She loves me? I just blinked at her. She loves me. I wanted to leap for joy. Most of all I wanted to believe her. God did I want to believe her. I wanted to believe that she loved me. I wanted to believe everything would be okay. So, I decided, until our parents came back I was going to believe her. We would tell them. I sagged against her burrowing into her arms. Everything would be okay
We stood there for a long time until she moved us to the bed making me slide under the covers. She turned off the lights then slid in behind me. She pulled me towards her. I felt secure and safe. A drastic change to what I was feeling only moments before. As we lay there I could feel her tensing imperceptibly. If she hadn’t been so tightly wrapped around me I might not have noticed. I knew what was coming next. I really didn’t want to talk about it because I felt like I’d betrayed her. I still felt hurt that she had even agreed to the date when she knew we were mated. Even so, when she asked, the raw pain in her voice made me answer. “Helen, why did you do it?”
I turned in her arms pressing my forehead against hers. I wiped the tears I found on her cheeks away with gentle fingertips. “You sounded so excited about the date with David.” I told her in a strained voice. I was not going to cry. It was over. I was with her. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you with him. Having me tag along seemed like some kind of torture.” I stopped taking a deep breath getting myself under control. “The truth was that I was jealous, hurt and angry. I wanted to hurt you as badly.” I admitted feeling shame and regret wash through me. “I hadn’t even planned for anything to happen between me and Amy.” I felt her stiffen when I said her name. “I just got caught up in the moment. I figured you didn’t care. That eventually you’d end up with David or someone like him. I just wanted to feel better about myself.” I husked. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I told her. I leaned in brushing my lips against hers. “I swear it will never happen again.” I promised.
“I know it won’t.” I heard her breathe out. “I wanted to kill her.” She mumbled as she started kissing down my neck. “I was going to kill her. The sight of her hands on you. I was going to kill her.” She breathed into my skin. Her hands came up pushing up my tank. Fingertips swirled against my stomach causing the muscles to clench. I pulled my tank over my head dropping it behind me. I reached for her shirt tugging at it until she moved away enough for me to get it off before tossing it aside. She nipped at my lower lip. I pushed my hands up through her hair then around her neck. I pulled her mouth down to mine. I parted her lips with the tip of my tongue brushing our tongues together. I drank from her mouth like I would die if I couldn’t taste all of her; if I couldn’t feel all of her. She pulled away nipping and kissing her way down my neck to the bite mark she’d made earlier. She kissed it gently tracing the outline with her tongue. For some reason that act made it hurt less. Then her lips were on my breasts. I could barely think. I moaned pulling her to me tighter. Her teeth worried my nipple making me gasp her name. My hips were bucking, trying to find some kind of relief. She moved her hand down my body pushing down my boxers. She lifted up not losing contact with my breast while pushing them down until I could kick them off. As rough and bruising as it was earlier she was gentle and teasing this time. I finally had to grab her hand forcing her fingers into me. I felt her smile against me while she stroked in and out. She moved up to kiss me causing her breasts to press against mine. She moved her whole body along mine with each thrust of her fingers inside me. I was so close. My arms tightened around her. My fingernails dug into her back making her hiss with pleasure. It felt so right when I came in her arms. I wanted to stay there forever. She didn’t pull out of me, just stayed still feeling my muscles spasm lightly as the aftershocks went through me. I didn’t want her to move. I loved the feeling of us being joined. Of her being a part of me.
“I love you.” I whispered in her ear. I wanted to say it earlier but didn’t want her to think I was saying it just because she had. I turned us over not letting her fingers slip out of me yet. I leaned on an elbow running my hand over her lightly. I ran the tip of my index finger over her lips before I leaned down to kiss her. I tried to pour every feeling I had for her into that kiss. I stroked down her body making sure my fingers touched every part of her. I didn’t leave a single patch of skin untouched. I followed the same path with my lips leaving a wet trail.
‘Is this what it’s like to be mated?’ I wondered to myself. This overwhelming feeling of being with the exact person you’re supposed to be with. Wanting the sensation of them moving under your fingers and lips?
I moved down her body letting her fingers slip from my body. I closed my eyes when I heard her small growl of objection. I ghosted my breath over her stomach feeling the fine hairs there lift tickling my lips. I lay my cheek against her breathing in her scent. I rubbed my face against her stomach savoring the warmth of her skin. I stroked my hands down her thighs scratching up lightly. My heart beat faster from hearing her moan. God I wanted her so much, wanted to consume her. I ran my tongue down further stopping just before I touched her outer lips. Her hands pushed into my hair pulling me into her. My tongue pushed against her, at the insistence of her hands, separating her lips. The feel of her soft skin as my tongue mapped the soft folds was exquisite. Her clit was engorged against my lips. I sucked softly at first then harder until I heard her moan my name. The swirl of my tongue around the sensitive bundle caused her hips to buck against me. I put one arm across her stomach holding her down while my tongue, teeth, and lips attacked her clit. I swept my fingers through her wetness teasing her opening.
“Hel. Please.” She growled harshly.
Her voice pulsed though me. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I pushed into her feeling the soft muscles around my fingers contract trying to draw me in further. I let the momentum build. Her clit seemed to grow even more turgid with every stroke of my tongue.
“God! Please.” Kathy cried out as she thrust herself against my tongue.
I stoked into her faster biting down on her clit as I flicked it hard. Her cry traveled down my spine settling in the pit of my stomach. The feel of her shaking against me made everything seem alright again.
“Come here.” She whispered when she finally stopped trembling. I loved the rough sound of her voice. It was full of sensuality.
I landed soft kissing as I made my way up her body. I settled on her side making sure every part of me was in contact with her. She kissed me slowly savoring the flavor of her on me. “I feel better.” She said smiling.
I laughed kissing her lightly. “Me too.” I burrowed my face into her neck snaking my arm over her waste. She wrapped her arms around me pulling me closer until there was absolutely no space between us. I sighed closing my eyes. I felt perfect.
I listened as her breathing evened out in sleep. I shifted resting my leg over hers. She mumbled something in her sleep trying to pull me even closer then tucking my head underneath her chin. I smiled letting my eyes close again as I drifted off.
The remainder of the weekend was spent in a hazy bliss. I’d never considered myself particularly domestic. The routine of being with her all day made me reconsider the idea. Doing the normal things we enjoyed then being able to spend the evenings with her was wonderful. I loved watching TV while laying my head in her lap. I loved the feel of her fingers running through my hair. I loved the sensation of her skin as I ran my hands over her. I loved being able to do these things whenever I wanted. I just loved her.
With every passing hour I felt more confident that things would work out for us. I felt that way right up to the minute our parents walked into the house with a surprise guest saying they had wonderful news.
Wonderful news wasn’t a surprise. My parents often had wonderful news. Like the time we were going to Disney Land. Or the time they announced we would be visiting Germany in the summer. There were many wonderful surprises so that didn’t bother me. The sight of Kathy’s parents there beaming at me gave me pause. The added sight of Jeremy giving me a shy but pleased smile made me uneasy about this wonderful news.
I suppose normal people would just assume that they were happy because my parents were happy to share this with me. The only problem was that although our community was very close, we didn’t do these things. Privacy was greatly regarded even though we were so close knit. Or maybe it was so important because we were so close knit.
So, while they all smiled at me, I felt a sense of dread. It was another one of those moments that I knew I wouldn’t like what I heard. I glanced at Kathy. She was looking as wary as I felt. The silence was dragging on so I had to say something. The only thing that came out was, “Oh?” Eloquent.
Not even noticing my reluctance to hear this wonderful news they drove ahead blithely. “We’ve arranged your betrothal.” My father told me proudly beaming his happiness at the occupants of the room.
My quick inhalation of horror was mistaken as surprise. I knew like everyone else that our parents arranged for our mating to make the best matches. It was one of those antiquated traditions that I hated. I had never agreed with it. In fact, I’d complained to my parents about this when I first found out about it. Of course, I hadn’t found about it from them. No, I found out from the other kids when I was about fourteen because Jenny’s brother had just been betrothed.
At the time my parents had assured me that everything would be okay. They assured me that I would have a say in the matter. They also told me that choosing a mate wasn’t even done until after we turned eighteen, sometimes later because of college. Education was very important to our Pack. All lies apparently.
“What? No!” I practically yelled surging to my feet.
“It’s okay Helen.” My Mom soothed, cutting off my Father’s frowning response.
“It’s Jeremy.” She told me as if this would make all the difference in the world. She was smiling at me as she rubbed my back in a soothing motion. I wondered hysterically as the world stated to spin around me, if this was the point I should tell them that I was already happily mated. I didn’t get to say any of that though. Because I did something that I’d never heard of our kind doing before. I fainted.
When I came around the very first thing I noticed was there were way too many people hovering over me. The second thing I noticed was that all but one of those people was looking at me with varying degrees of anger bordering on outright hostility. I turned my head to Kathy noting that while her gaze was loving her posture as well as her augmented eyes were defensive and dangerous. So, things had been explained. I don’t know if I was happy that it was out there without my participation or I was angry that Kathy had done it without me.
I sat up slowly. Finally standing up when I was sure I was able. I needed to be standing. I may have been overwhelmed before but I was going to face this. I was not going to be that girl running in the forest away from the psycho with the chainsaw. I reached out taking Kathy’s hand while staring at my parents. I was ready to do anything I had to do to be with her.
“NO!” The shout itself wasn’t a surprise but the person it came from was a shock.
“Jeremy.” His name fell off my lips in astonishment. He didn’t say anything else. He just stared at me hard. Then his eyes ran over our linked hands. Anger was radiating off of him in waves. I had really only felt that kind of anger once. That was from Kathy only a few days ago. He took a step towards me. I stepped back pulling Kathy with me. This was trouble. This was more than trouble.
I heard a rumbling growl from Kathy. Jeremy’s eyes snapped to her. I watched as his eyes started to fade to a light grey. His hands were balled into fists. I did the only thing I could. I stepped in front of Kathy taking control of my life for the first time since all this had started.
“Jeremy you should leave now.” My voice was firm with a hard edge to it. I wasn’t about to let him hurt her.
Jeremy stared at his sister over my shoulder. His posture became more aggressive, bent over slightly. This was getting out of control fast. He was fast when he came towards us trying to move around me. I was faster. I pushed him back with a strength that I didn’t know I possessed. I had always been strong. We all were. This was different. I had pushed him so hard and so far that his impact against the wall over ten feet away caused the wall to dent.
It was hard to believe but our parents were standing back as if they couldn’t move. I wondered at it but couldn’t dwell on it.
Jeremy charged her with a howl of rage. I reacted instinctively. I flew at him determined stop him. In the span of a few seconds, with the scent of his rage in the air, with the surge my own fury I changed.
The only thing was that a full change wasn’t supposed to happen until our twentieth birthday then only on the next full moon after that date. Spontaneous change didn’t happen until we were older, when we were better able to handle it. All that seemed to be untrue too as I slipped away allowing the animal inside me to come out.
He was unprepared. I was unprepared. The instinctive insane need to protect my mate drove me on. I let loose a growl attacking before anyone even realized what had happened. My body landed solidly against his chest sending him flying backwards to crash into the wall again. I moved fast, my claws digging into his chest while my teeth sank into his throat. The scent of blood along with the feel of tearing flesh distracted me from everything else.
The impact of a body against mine tore me away from him. The pained yelp I let loose was followed by an enraged rumbling growl. It was the scent of the body on top of mine that stopped me from attacking. Kathy was on top of me using all of her strength to hold me in place. I could see Jeremy coming to his feet from my position under her. I wanted to finish tearing his throat out. But that never happened. Kathy wrapped her arms around my neck whispering to me as she held me down. I snapped at her but didn’t really try to come into contact. I just wanted her to let me go so that I could rip the throat out of the person who tried to hurt her.
“Get him out of here.” Kathy demanded. I watched as Jeremy was helped out of the house by our mothers. Kathy’s hand was stroking my fur making me feel calmer.
“She was protecting me.” Kathy spoke directly to her father. “She had every right.”
I knew what she was saying. I understood. It was hard to focus though.
“I know that.” He acknowledged. “It’s why no one interfered.”
“We’ll leave.” Kathy offered not looking at him anymore. Her eyes were locked with mine.
“No, she’ll leave.” He said it like a decree.
I bristled under her hands. No one was leaving anyone. If I had to kill everyone in the room I was prepared to do it.
“I won’t allow it.” Kathy’s voice cut through the room like a knife.
Her father lowered himself to his knees. I realized that he was according her the respect one gives an equal rather than just a pack member. “Neither one of you have any control.” His voice was gentler when he spoke this time. “You’re a danger to each other. You’re a danger to the others, to everyone. Look what just happened.” He waved his hand around indicating everything that had gone on. “Look at her.” He continued. “She changed, well before she should. Before she could learn any control. If you stay together you both will end up getting hurt or killed. You’re not prepared for the urges mating produces. One of you could easily kill someone else if a similar situation as this arose.” He leaned back slightly and sighed. “You have to be separated. It’s the only way.”
I expected her to deny it but there was only silence. I tried to move. I needed to move. She held me firm, her grip unrelenting.
“We need to leave them alone.” It was my father’s voice coming from behind us. “It’s hard to change back the first time, especially with us here and…” He trailed off sadly. I could tell by his tone that he agreed with Mr. Clayton
Her father nodded still staring at Kathy as she held me.
“It’s the only way.” He repeated softly before following my father out.
Kathy released me slowly making sure that I wasn’t going to make any sudden moves. I jumped to my feet. The desire to attack something or someone was overwhelming. The idea of being separated from her caused a killing fury to surge through me. I didn’t have anything to attack. The only person in front of me was Kathy. She was kneeling in front of me. She brought her hand up slipping it through my fur. “What have I done?” She said softly with tears shimmering in her eyes.
I moved closer pushing into her chest. I wanted to comfort her. The anger drained away in the face of her distress. I felt something inside me releasing. It was easier to understand what was going on. Every movement of air, every scent wasn’t assaulting my senses all at once. Just as quickly as I had become my animal, I was a person again. A person without any clothes I noticed with a downward glance. I looked around the room noticing some ripped cloth on the floor. My clothes.
I stood up slowly, testing myself. I didn’t know what happened after we changed. I’d heard that some tended to crash immediately afterwards. I wasn’t one of those people I determined after a few seconds. I held my hand out to Kathy. She let me pull her up. We stood only millimeters apart but it seemed like a wide chasm was between us.
“What do you think you’ve done?” I asked quietly. I didn’t like the sad resigned look in her eyes. I didn’t like the feeling of separation that I felt even though we were so close.
I watched a tear trace down her cheek. I knew what she would say. I knew it as surely as I knew that I loved her. I couldn’t meet her eyes again. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to have my thoughts confirmed by her.
“He’s right.” She whispered. “It was too soon.”
She turned away from me. I don’t think she wanted to see my reaction either.
“We can learn together.” I tried to be firm wanting to sound sure. I was trying to convince her so she could convince me.
She shook her head. “We aren’t in control.” She turned towards me. The pain that radiated off her rocked me back. “I almost killed her.” She said despondently. You could have killed Jeremy.” Her words felt like they were ripping me to pieces.
“You want me to leave?” All I wanted was her to say no. I wanted to go back to a few hours ago and stay in that moment forever. “You’re just going to give up? You’re not even going to fight for us?” My voice was rising with every word until I was shouting at her. “What did you say when I told you that we shouldn’t do this.” It wasn’t really a question. She knew it. “You said it was already too late for that! And now you want me to leave?” I yelled at her letting all of my anger, fear and frustration have full reign.
“No.” For a moment my heart leapt thinking that she didn’t really want me to leave her. “I’ll go.” She finished.
I looked up at the ceiling trying not to let the full wrath of my anger escape. I was seventeen with my entire world crashing down around me. I felt so much anger; so much pain that I wanted to lash out. I wanted to demolish something. I wanted to kill. Somewhere inside me I knew leaving was our only option. I’d known it that night when I told Kathy that our relationship might not be a good idea. I knew what I had to do. It didn’t make it any easier though. It would have been some comfort to stay. I knew it had to be me to go. I was too dangerous. I was young with no control. Yet I had the strength and ability of a fully grown adult of our kind.
I walked up behind her sliding my arms around her. It felt so right to hold her, to feel her against me. “You know that I have to be the one.” I said against her hair.
She began trembling in my arms. “I’m afraid.” She sounded terrified to my ears. I tried to figure out why. We would eventually be together. I’d come back. “Of what?” I asked not understanding why she would be afraid.
“You could find someone else.”
I frowned. “We’re mated. There can’t be anyone else.”
I was mated. Permanently. If her angry exclamation of ‘MINE’ in the bathroom at the theatre was an indication so was she.
She leaned in brushing her lips against mine. I knew she meant for it to be good bye. I couldn’t let her go like that. I deepened the kiss promising her everything I couldn’t say aloud. I promised her my love and my life. I nipped on her lower lip gently before pulling away. “I made a promise.” It was only days ago that I had made that promise. I vowed to keep it. I made sure she knew the truth of that promise by the conviction in my voice. “I love you.”
I didn’t wait for a reply. There was really nothing left to say. All we could do was learn and wait. It would take time. All of a sudden time seemed like the enemy.
I gazed around the room not really seeing anything yet taking in everything. My eyes landed on my parents. They were standing together barely touching. I could feel their connection to each other. I wanted to have that. I would have that.
I had shoved everything haphazardly into my Dad’s old duffle bag. I only had a few things that were important, a small picture of my parents and a picture of Kathy from a year ago. She was laying back, her hair blowing behind her while smiling happily.
My dad handed me a packet of papers, a bank book and a roll of bills. “You’ll need this. We’ve always been careful in case the Pack was found out. We needed to be able to disappear.” He explained. “You’ll have everything you need.” I didn’t point out that I wouldn’t have them or Kathy. It was unspoken between us. “You’ll be taught everything you need to know. Everything we would have taught you. Henry will take good care of you.” He promised. Henry was who my Dad arranged to take me in. Anger flashed though me at his words. It seemed like to little to late. We all should have been taught everything years ago.
I saw the moisture in his eyes when I glanced at him. It made mine burn with unshed tears. I turned to Mom when she came up beside me. I drew her to me hugging her tightly. “I’ll be okay.” I promised. “Just take care of her.”
“I promise.” She whispered.
“Here,” Dad handed me a set of keys. “Take the Jeep. We were going to give it to you when you started college anyway.” He said gruffly trying to hide his emotions behind the tone. Then he hugged me. I could feel his heart hammering against my chest.
“I’m so sorry.” I said against his neck. He nodded before he let me go.
I picked up the duffle heading out the door as fast as I could, refusing to look back. It was too painful. I had to get out of there before I changed my mind. I threw my bag into the Jeep stopping to take a deep breath. It was the smell of home. I was leaving.
My breath came in even pants as I ran across snow covered ground. The barely audible sound of my paws striking the surface made me smile internally. We were playing hide and seek. It was a challenge for me. Stealth had been a hard won skill. Henry had stressed the importance of blending into my surroundings. He stressed the importance of being a ghost in the forest. I had to be aware of everything around me yet undetectable to anyone or anything.
At first I would plow through the forest as if it were my own personal domain making more noise than I would if I were in human form. It was an embarrassment compared to my mentor’s progress through the same area. But I had learned.
It was dangerous in the animal kingdom. I had to be either a shadow in the dark or be prepared to kill. I chose to be invisible. Both Henry and Cheryl agreed with that decision.
Killing was unnecessary. We didn’t need to kill to survive like wild wolves. Instead I tried my best to protect the indigenous wildlife in my new home.
The other part of my lessons that was extremely difficult was not letting the animal in me have free reign. Learning to control my instincts while using my human intellect when I changed was difficult. After spending the better part of three years in wolf form, when I wasn’t attending classes, it was second nature to me now.
I came to a stop slowly when I saw a good spot to camouflage my presence. I concentrated hard making myself just another bump in the snow covered area.
I would have never heard him if I hadn’t been watching for him. Henry blended in with his surrounding very well. He wasn’t breaking stride so I knew he’d lost my trail. When he was past me I crept out letting out a low growl. I knew from the small dip of his head when he came to a stop that he’d heard me. It was also a silent acknowledgment that I’d won the game this time. Yes, I had learned my lessons.
He led us back towards home. It was miles away yet it always seemed too short a distance to me. I loved the freedom of being my animal. I thought less about what I had lost when I let my animal out.
The house was open when we arrived since we had left it that way. It was difficult to open a door without hands. Modesty prevented us from assuming human form in front of one another. It was very inconvenient being naked after changing back. Clothes were a requirement in most situations, so we had to base out of an accessible location when we changed.
I entered my room shifting from animal to human easily while walking to the closet. It made me smile. For so long when I changed I would still be on all fours. Now I was able to shift seamlessly.
When I came out fully dressed in jeans with several layers under my fleece pull over I heard, “So who won?” It was Cheryl.
“She did.” Henry grumbled as he came out of their bedroom. He leaned down kissing Cheryl’s cheek.
I knew he wasn’t really unhappy. He just hated losing at anything. I poured myself a cup of coffee sitting down at the table with a smug smile on my face.
Henry glanced at me laughing when he saw my smile. “You know you’re starting to get a swelled head.” He told me with a chuckle.
“I doubt that.” I said smiling still. We hadn’t had the opportunity to do this in a while. I was a newly deputized ranger with the U.S. Forestry Service at a ranger station that was near the Canadian boarder while he and Cheryl pretty much had a permanent assignment near their home in Kalispell.
“I noticed that you’re taking vacation.” Cheryl said when we’d settled down.
I nodded. I took vacation every year around this time.
“Are you going anywhere?” She asked.
“No.” I answered after a short pause. I never went anywhere anymore.
Dad told me that I was going to Montana to the one person he knew he could trust. Henry Frasier. I’d never even heard of Henry Frasier before. Yet, my Dad was sending me to him. I later learned from Henry that he and Dad had been best friends. I wondered why Henry left the Pack. When he introduced me to Cheryl I thought I’d figured that question out. Cheryl wasn’t Pack. I couldn’t imagine any of our community accepting an outsider. It was forbidden. A lot of things were forbidden. I admired Henry for following his heart.
The first few years after Henry and Cheryl became my guardians they took their vacation with me. I had made it perfectly clear after my first year in Montana that I was going to go back to California no matter what anyone said. I just wanted to see Kathy to make sure she was okay and happy. They’d agreed to let me. However, they insisted Henry go with me. So, we had made the trek back home together.
I didn’t want to be seen by anyone. I don’t think my reception would have been a welcome one by the Clayton’s or my parents. I just wanted a glimpse of her. Henry guided me through the forest making sure that we skirted anyone who might be out there. He was careful to make sure we weren’t seen. It wasn’t hard. In a years time I had really learned quite a bit about moving silently as a wolf. I wasn’t great at it then. I was good enough though as long as he was there to help me.
It didn’t take long to spot her. When I saw her all I wanted to do was go to her. I just couldn’t take another good bye like the first one. I also didn’t want to hurt her by leaving again. The first time had almost killed us both. So I watched. For three days I came back again and again when I thought she would be around. We followed her when she walked in the woods. Sometimes I thought she sensed my presence when she would stop to look around as if trying to find something. My guardian would make very certain that we were hidden in shadows then only allowing me to follow when she was some distance away. Leaving seemed harder than the first time I did it.
I did that every year until I turned twenty-three. I had graduated from college finally. I knew that Kathy had as well. I told Henry that I thought I was ready to go home. I’d spent my time learning everything I could from Henry. Yet Henry seemed reluctant.
“Are you sure you want to go back?” Henry asked me. His eyes were shifting restlessly. Henry was never like this. It was making me concerned. “Things could have changed.” He told me after a quick glance at Cheryl.
I looked at Cheryl. I wasn’t sure what was going on. The one thing I knew was that Cheryl would be straight forward about whatever it was Henry was trying to say.
Cheryl sighed in resignation. “I suppose we should have told you this when you first came to us.” She admitted guiltily. “At the time we were hoping we wouldn’t have to tell you.”
There was that feeling again. The one that told me I wouldn’t like what was about to be said. I just stared at her expectantly waiting for her to continue.
“We should have told you months ago when we found out.” She went on as if talking to herself. She looked at me then. “We were hoping you would move on too. Then this wouldn’t have been necessary.” She looked a little annoyed with me. “Damn you for being loyal.”
That brought my eyebrows up. I’d always thought loyal was a good thing. Then her words finally penetrated my brain. “What do you mean move on?” I asked. My heart was starting to beat faster. Sweat was beginning to break out all over my body. None of this was a good sign.
“Your parents called about eight months ago.” I could tell she was reluctant to tell me what was going on.
“Just tell me.” I said while trying to keep my voice steady. “How bad could it be?” I tried to joke.
Cheryl looked at Henry with a helpless look on her face. Things weren’t looking good.
Henry nodded at her. He turned to me his eyes laden with compassion and understanding. “When I was sixteen I got into a situation similar to yours.” He told me. “No one ever explained the mating ritual to any of us.” He said giving me a meaningful look.
They sure hadn’t told me. I suppose some things never change.
“We didn’t know what we had done. Not until I attacked another boy who had tried to get too close to her.” He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “I suppose you can already guess that I shifted before the attack?”
I nodded my head. I was fascinated. Henry never talked of his past. It was like his life didn’t begin until he met Cheryl. I never thought to ask why he never talked about the past.
“Like you I was sent to away.” His voice became bitter. “No one told me what could happen if I left.” Cheryl reached over grasping his hand in hers giving him a squeeze. He looked over smiling at her.
“What could happen?” I was starting to feel nauseas too.
“I received a letter from my parents just before I was ready to go back to the Pack. They told me I shouldn’t come back.” He looked extremely upset as he spoke. “They said that the girl I mated with was mated to someone else.”
I stared at him blankly. That couldn’t be right. We mated for life. Everyone knew that.
“We’re not animals, not all animal anyway.” He explained gently. “Like any person we can,” he paused searching for the right words. “Find someone else if the circumstances are right. Most of us stay with our mates. The bond is just so strong. But when we can’t be together...” He trailed off into silence.
“What’s going on?” I could feel the panic starting to travel outward from my stomach. I was starting to shake. “What did my parents want? What did they say?” I knew already what they said. I knew it from what Henry had already said. I just had to hear it. I had to hear it out loud to make it real.
“She’s going to be with someone else.” Cheryl said to me quietly.
Surely I couldn’t be sitting here. I couldn’t be alive. I couldn’t be alive when I could feel my heart being ripped apart. “Does she want to be with someone else?” I almost choked on the words. She wouldn’t do this. She wouldn’t voluntarily do this. I wouldn’t believe it.
“We didn’t ask.” Cheryl admitted.
“They could be forcing her! I’m going back.” My voice was hard. I wouldn’t believe it unless I heard it from her. If she were being forced I’d take her with me.
“Somehow I knew you would say that.” Henry smiled sadly.
I was nervous when I neared home. I didn’t want to see anyone other than Kathy. I couldn’t see my parents. I felt betrayed. I ran through the forest until I was at the edge of our woods. It took a little longer since I didn’t shift. I couldn’t see her as a wolf even if it would have been easier. I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her. I waited for her when I finally reached the woods at the edge of our houses becoming a silent shadow. It was late when I finally saw her walking to her house. She was with someone I recognized immediately. David Marston. My fists clenched. The sudden feeling of anger that burst though me almost made me shift. Long years of control stopped a full change. I knew my eyes were augmented. I could live with that though. It made it easier to see in the darkness.
I stayed unnaturally still. I wanted to wait until she was alone before I approached her. I knew from long experience that she liked to sit outside alone at night before she would go to bed.
I could be patient. I had waited so long a while longer hardly seemed significant. I waited as they talked quietly. It must have been shock that kept me frozen in place when she leaned in kissing him. It had to be shock that kept me immobile unable to move when he pressed up against her running his hands over her body. When they pulled apart and he left it was the absolute sense of betrayal that kept my angry stare on her. It was the anger that propelled me forward into the clearing in front of our homes. It was the numbness taking over my body that brought me into the pool of light that the moon had formed. When she gasped at my sudden appearance I almost moved closer. I breathed in the air taking in the familiar smell of her arousal along with the overwhelming mix of their intertwined scents.
She stood up beginning to walk towards me. I backed up. I heard her whisper a name, my name. It was a stranger who had whispered to me. I dipped my head while I watched her. I couldn’t identify what I felt at that moment. It may have been my soul shattering into a million pieces. It may have been the desire to kill something for the first time since that night so many years ago.
She kept moving towards me. I stood my ground not moving back any further. She stopped so close to me that if she reached her hand out she could have touched me.
“Helen.” Her voice wrapped around me. She took another step bringing our bodies into contact. Her hands cupped my cheeks as she brought our lips together.
Only for a moment I promised myself. I just wanted to feel her for a moment. I wanted to imagine things as they should be rather than the way they actually were. I pulled away only because the smell of Marston on her was too strong for me to ignore. I didn’t know what to say to her. I couldn’t form the words to ask. I said the only thing that I kept popping into my head. “You smell like him.” My voice was low, almost sub vocal.
Her eyes flicked in the direction Marston had taken. I could see the wheels turning in her mind. I saved her the trouble of coming up with an excuse or the effort of telling me what I knew already. “You’re with him.”
She bit her lip then looked away from me. It made me angry. I deserved to be told when she was looking at me. I deserved that much respect. I grasped her chin turning her back to face me. “You’re with him.” I repeated angrily.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered.
I could see tears shimmering on the surface of her eyes. “You’re sorry.” It wasn’t a question. “Are you sorry because you’re with him? Or are you sorry that I came back?” I gripped her chin tighter my anger eclipsing my desire not to hurt her. “You’re sorry.” I sneered.
She wrenched out of my grip glaring at me. “You don’t know what it was like! You weren’t here! There was too much pressure.” She said heatedly.
“Do you think it was any easier for me?” I snarled back. “I wanted you every minute I was gone!”
“You don’t understand! You weren’t left here. You didn’t feel the reproach and scorn from everyone who looked at you. You didn’t have your parents telling you everyday that it wouldn’t work out.” Her eyes snapped angrily at me.
“Did you even attempt to keep your promises to me? Or did a week prove to be too long for you to take all that reproach and scorn?” I threw her words back at her making them sound like the pathetic excuses they were. I couldn’t stop the words that were falling from my lips like molten lava. I knew she’d waited for years. Cheryl and Henry had told me as much. I didn’t need them to tell me though, I knew because I had seen her every year.
“Fuck you!” She shouted.
“You did.” I grabbed her shirt front pulling her inches from me. “You mated with me without telling me.” I yelled back at her while her panting breaths struck my face. “Remember!” I threw her from me shouting. “I’d do it again! Do you remember saying that to me?”
“I loved you!” She yelled back as if that were all the reason she needed.
Those words sucked the anger out of me leaving me numb. “I guess that’s the difference then,” I said sadly as I turned away. “I still love you.”
If she said anything after that I didn’t hear her. I took off as fast as I could. I couldn’t be there for one more moment. I didn’t have any strength left in me. I had to get away.
When I arrived back at my guardian’s home I shut myself in my room not coming out for days. I ignored the knocks on my door. I ignored the questions of concern that where asked through the barrier I’d put between me and the world.
On the fifth day Henry broke into the room. Not that I cared. I just stared at the ceiling not really seeing it. He sat down in the chair at my desk waiting for me to say something. He waited for an hour before he realized that I wouldn’t speak.
“I’m sorry.” He said regretfully. “I should have done things differently. I should never have listened to your parents when they told me not to say anything.”
“You should know that they were only doing what they were told to do.” He tried to justify things to me. “You listen to your Alpha.”
I could feel him getting ready to say something else. It was the sound of someone trying to find the words only to have air escape instead. “You know you can find someone else. You can be happy again.”
I glanced at him not believing him at all. The expression on my face told him as much.
“Look at me and Cheryl. I’m happy now. I didn’t think it was possible then any more than you do right now. I was wrong.” His voice was quiet. “It may not be the same as it was with her. It can be just as good, just different.”
I stood up after almost five days of lying on my back. I felt shaky yet still made my way to the window. I stared out into the darkness so I didn’t have to face him. Because if I didn’t see him I wouldn’t have to acknowledge what he was telling me. What I couldn’t bear to hear.
“Just go.” I said tiredly. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I tried to reassure him. “I’m just going to go to sleep.”
Before I left home all those years ago everyone agreed that no one should be told where I was going. It was safer that way. They didn’t want anyone in contact with me. I wondered why that was the way it had to be at the time. I had my answer now.
Only my parents knew where I had gone. I wanted to keep it that way. When I woke up the next morning having fallen asleep for the first time in days, the first thing I did was call my parents. I made them promise that where I was would remain a secret. I know they knew why I made the request but we never spoke of it. Calls after that were infrequent and stilted. Their betrayal was like a knife in my chest. It was easier not to call. Eventually I cut off contact all together.
That was when I joined the U.S. Forestry. I didn’t have anywhere else to call home. I had no one to call family except for Henry and Cheryl. They were happy that I stayed even though I knew they couldn’t bear the reason for my continued presence. They wanted me happy. I couldn’t be happy anymore.
I spent my vacations at my cabin on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation. It was quiet. I had miles of space between me and any other people. Even though it wasn’t as deserted as the Park, it was easy enough to run free.
The only problem was it was lonely. I was lonely. No matter where I was or who I was with I was lonely. Because the one person I wanted to be with wasn’t there. Never would be there. Henry and Cheryl constantly told me I should move on. There were others out there. I could be happy if I would just let myself. Cheryl was exasperated by my refusal to ‘get out there’, as she put it. She even told me that I should go back home to at least get some closure.
Closure? There was no closure. People who said shit like that just wanted to hang on to something a little longer. They couldn’t quite let go. They wanted those extra minutes with the person they lost. No, I didn’t need closure. I had plenty of that from Kathy already.
Finally Cheryl convinced me to at least write down how I felt. To write a letter to Kathy. She told me I didn’t have to send it. She thought that just the act of writing to her would help me. I suppose it did. I poured out my loneliness, love and regret. The anger was there under the surface of the words but that didn’t seem as important as the rest. I left the letter in my room at Henry and Cheryl’s house. I may have written it but I didn’t want it around me. I told Cheryl that she should get rid of it since I was unable to. It was a link to her.
That was two years ago.
After listening to them for so long I did realize they were right. I needed to get some kind of life. I needed to at least try to meet someone. I wasn’t going to meet anyone moping around my cabin I acknowledged to myself.
The next day I left my cabin headed for Babb. I always thought it was a silly name for a city. Name aside I went anyway. I decided to hit a bar. I hadn’t been to this particular one since college. I went out with some friends to have some fun. It was an experience. I was in there for two minutes before the smell of arousal forced me outside. I found it almost impossible to control my breathing. I was aroused just form being in there. I decided to wait outside until it was time to leave. It seemed to take forever. Every couple that came out brought with them the scent of sex.
It was exactly the same as I remembered. The blast of aroused bodies hit me as soon as I walked in the door. I did my best to breathe through it as I headed for the bar. I needed a drink. I ordered bourbon straight up. I looked at myself in the mirror behind the bar. This was pathetic. Who ever met the love of their life in a bar? Unfortunately there weren’t that many options out there. I suppose I could try an online dating site. The idea of putting myself out in the open like that made me shudder. I didn’t want that kind of exposure. I couldn’t risk that kind of exposure. Which left bars.
I downed my drink in one gulp when it came asking for another before the glass even touched the bar. I did the same to the next one. Then the one after that.
“Are you drinking to forget or for courage?” The voice was playful yet provocative. I turned towards the voice slowly bringing my next drink to my mouth before downing yet another one.
“Neither.” I responded before signaling for another. Alcohol didn’t have a real effect on me. My metabolism didn’t allow me to get drunk. It did send a pleasant warmth through me though. It also helped me to relax. I sort of wished I could get drunk. This would be much easier if I wasn’t aware of everything. “I’m in a bar.” I told her smiling. “I’m supposed to drink, its how these places stay in business.”
She laughed softly. It was a pleasant sound. “I’m Marisa.” She told me as she held out her hand.
“Helen.” I offered as I shook her offered hand.
“Can I buy you another one?” She asked indicating my empty tumbler.
She was signaling the bartender for two more before I could even nod my head. I raised an eyebrow at her. Confident little thing. Of course, she had good reason to be. She was terminally cute. It must have been the up turned nose that made her so cute. By the looks of things I was pretty sure this wasn’t her first pick up.
“Bourbon?” She asked as she lifted the tumbler the bartender set in front of her.
“Yes. I like the warm feeling as it goes down.” I told her as I tossed back another one.
“If you keep it up you’re going to be drunk instead of pleasantly warm.” She teased. “Someone might be tempted to take advantage of you.”
I smirked. As far as pick up lines went I thought that one was over the top. “I’m not particularly worried about that.” I said still smirking.
She smiled seductively. “You want to be taken advantage of then?”
Did I? I looked over at Marisa again. Did I? Is that really what I wanted? “No.” I said slowly. “No, I don’t think I do.” I smiled to take the sting out of the words. I set a couple of twenty’s on the bar as I stood up. “It was nice meeting you Marisa.’ I said before I headed out of the bar.
Proverbial tail tucked between my legs I drove back to my cabin. I wasn’t ready yet. At least I wasn’t ready for that kind of thing. I doubted I would ever be ready for it.
Two days later I was trapped in my cabin from a snow storm that was supposed to last for days. I sighed as I looked out the window at the falling snow. I felt depressed being trapped with only my thoughts to keep me company. It was just too dangerous to go out in a down fall like the one we were having. Even I had trouble finding my way around when all I could see was pristine whiteness. So, it was something of a surprise when I saw a dark spot moving through the falling snow flakes.
As it drew closer I knew that it was a wolf. The gray wolf had returned to the Park about fifty years ago when food had become plentiful in the area again. Having one wandering through my land wasn’t uncommon. When it got closer I could see it was having some trouble. It was moving very slowly. I opened the door to the cabin letting the small amount of light I used spill out from inside. I had to conserve during a snow storm. I had plenty of gas for my generator but you couldn’t be too careful. I always wondered if the electrical lines were meant for cold weather since the electricity immediately went out during a storm.
I stopped on the porch not wanting to frighten it. I knew I’d been spotted because it stopped. It watched me with keen intelligence. I couldn’t detect any fear from it. I knew from my experience with wolf packs in the preserve that they were attracted to us. Henry and Cheryl would take in an odd wolf now and then when they discovered one hurt or sick. We understood each other. Not surprising really.
I waited for the wolf to approach me. It did slowly. When it got closer I realized it wasn’t a gray wolf. I frowned at the realization. I knew that no other species of wolf had moved into the area. When it was practically on top of me I finally recognized that it wasn’t just any old wolf. It was one of us. It wasn’t Henry though. I’d know him anywhere.
I took a step back when it stepped on the porch. Female’ I thought to myself. She was down wind so I couldn’t pick up a scent. A huge ball of apprehension started building in my stomach. I wasn’t sure I knew exactly who it was though I had some suspicions. I knelt down motioning her to me. When she was close enough I sank my hands into her thick fur scenting her to confirm what I suspected. Kathy.
I pulled back after only a few moments. It was too much. What the hell was she doing here anyway? I lost myself staring at her. Truthfully I had no idea how long I stood there. The chill in my body along with the redness of my hands from the cold told me I had been out there too long. I went back into the cabin waiting by the door. I detected a hesitance in her movement. I found the hesitance amusing since she had obviously went to a lot of trouble to get here and had no where else to go for at least a couple of days thanks to the storm.
I shut the door behind her walking into my bedroom. Heading straight to my dresser I pulled out some sweats for her. I set them on the bed speaking to her for the first time in too many years. “You can change in here.” I told her when I came out to stand beside the door.
I pushed the door shut behind her going straight for the liquor cabinet. Usually I didn’t drink so much it just seemed that the circumstances kept calling for it. Sometimes on really cold nights it would help warm me up. Then sometimes on nights when I couldn’t sleep because my thoughts were haunting me it would help dim them a little. I downed two tumblers full before she came out of the bedroom wrapped up warmly in the sweats.
I stared at her over my third glass waiting.
“Can I have one of those?” She asked pointing to my drink.
I nodded getting up to retrieve another glass. I filled it as full as my own before setting it on the table. I moved around to sit on the other side making sure the entire length of it was between us. I sat silently watching with guarded eyes as she sipped the drink. She motioned to a chair lifting an inquiring eyebrow. I nodded my head at the unspoken request.
We watched each other across the table. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t be hurtful to one or both of us so I said nothing.
“How have you been?” She asked.
I knew she was filling the silence. I’d never known her to be a nervous talker. All things considered I suppose I never really knew her at all. “Fine.” I said after a few seconds.
“Aren’t you going to ask why I’m here?” She asked sighing.
I suppose she thought I was being difficult. I thought about it. Yes I was being difficult. I was entitled. I didn’t invite her here. I was still angry. I was so angry that I didn’t want to know why she was here. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. “No.” I didn’t care why she was here. I just wanted her to leave. It hurt seeing her. I couldn’t imagine she had anything to say that would make things better. Maybe if she had Marston’s severed head hidden outside somewhere that would make things a little better, somehow I doubted it though.
“Helen,” Kathy started.
I stood up cutting her off. “You can sleep on the couch. You won’t be able to leave for a few days.” I told her pointing to the window indicating the storm outside. I suppose she knew that since she had traveled to the cabin in it.
I walked into my bedroom grabbing several blankets and a pillow from the closet. I came back out quickly throwing them on the couch without looking at her then retreating to my bedroom as fast as I could without looking like I was running.
I leaned my forehead against the door trying to stay in control. I could hear her moving around in the living room. I listened as she put more logs on the fire then went to the bathroom. I listened to the toilet flush marveling at how such a simple thing could bring a lump to my throat.
I backed away from the door to the bed not daring to take my eyes off of it. She was behind that door. I didn’t want her behind the door. I didn’t want her in my cabin. I came here to escape. Now it seemed like a prison. I was trapped here with her. Damn her to hell.
I almost walked back out there. I wanted to throw her out into the snow forgetting she even existed. I couldn’t do it. I could barely make it around the bed to crawl beneath the covers.
It seemed like only moments later when I opened my eyes slowly. It was morning. It was hard to tell with all the snow falling sometimes except that I’d been in this situation too many times to miss it. At first I thought it was a terrible dream, a very real terrible dream but just a dream. The sound of movement on the other side of the door told me that it was no dream. I considered the possibility of staying in my room until the storm broke. I could go without food for a few days easily. Water might be a problem though.
I practically shot out of bed when the door opened. What the fuck did she think she was doing! “What the fuck!” Was all that came out.
She looked surprised. I couldn’t imagine why she would be surprised when she just barged into my bedroom. “Breakfast is ready.” She told me before leaving the room.
I glared at the door as if I could see her through it. What the hell was she doing in my fucking kitchen using my god damn stuff like she belonged here? I stalked out of the bedroom completely ignoring her and her damn breakfast while heading for the bathroom. I twisted the shower knob viciously waiting for the water to come. Fucking generator! I needed to go turn it on. The stove was gas which didn’t require electricity. The small fridge ran off a large rechargeable solar battery pack that I’d installed for power outages. The water pump had to be run off of the generator along with the lights. The water would work as long as the insulation on the pipes did its job. It would be just my luck if it didn’t work.
I exited the bathroom grumbling slightly as I headed outside. The cold hit me like a hammer. Barefooted I crunched through the snow not caring that I could freeze to death. I was feeling angry enough to keep me warm. I managed to get to the generator room without losing the feeling in my hands. I pressed the button that was supposed to start it automatically. Like everything else this morning it didn’t work. I gripped the pull cord yanking hard. It started up right away. Finally something was working.
“What the hell are you doing out here dressed like that?” Kathy said angrily. She had apparently stopped to put on my boots and a coat before following me out here. It didn’t even register that she was carrying my spare parka and a pair of shoes.
“I’m starting the generator.” I said as if it wasn’t obvious.
She came into the room slamming the door behind her cutting off the biting wind that I had barely noticed while I had been starting the generator.
“You’re out here in shorts and a damn tank top. Are you trying to get frost bite?”
“Why the hell do you care?” I shouted everything I felt was clawing its way out of my mouth. I had no hope of stopping it. “Why the hell are you even here? Did you think I needed more pain in my life? Once wasn’t enough for you! You decided you had to do it again!” I stepped into her personal space. “I hate you.” I whispered raggedly before trying to push past her. I was going to get out of here. I was going to leave. She could stay here for the rest of her life for all I cared. I wasn’t coming back she’d ruined the place for me.
She grabbed my arm flinging me back before I could reach the door. I stumbled a little. She was just as strong as I was. I’d gotten used to how much stronger I was than everyone else. It was a surprise to find myself evenly matched.
“Do you hate me?” Her words were piercing. “Do you really?” She threw the jacket and shoes at me. “Well you can hate me all you want but you’re going to be warm while you do it!”
I glared at her while pulling on the parka then jamming my feet into the shoes. She was right I was cold. It was stupid to stand there freezing just because she didn’t want me to. I gave her a ‘are you happy now’ look before I pushed past her making my way back to the cabin. I could feel her following behind me.
I heard the door shut behind her as I made my way to the fire place. I was cold. Jesus I was too stupid for words walking out there dressed like that. Anger doesn’t make you warm it makes you fucking stupid. I couldn’t leave. Not yet. I wasn’t going to be that stupid again. I grudgingly admitted I was grateful to her for coming out there to bring me the parka and shoes. I turned around to tell her not realizing she was standing right behind me. I jerked back in surprise almost falling into the fire place. She grabbed me pulling me back up right. She didn’t let go.
“Do you really hate me?” Her voice cracked slightly. “I made a mistake Helen. People make mistakes.”
“For two years, eight months, fourteen days and 13 hours?” I said harshly. “Most mistakes are shorter in duration.”
“No minutes?” She asked. I could see her trying to keep the smile off her face.
“I didn’t want to seem like I was keeping track.” I said sarcastically. I couldn’t believe I said that. Why not just yell that I was pining away for her while I threw myself at her.
“I wasn’t with him after that night.” Her eyes bored into mine. “I left home. I’ve never been back.” She let me go with a pained sigh.
“Oh.” Not the most brilliant response but she’d shocked me. Wait. Where the hell had she been all this time? “Where…” I trailed off. I might not want to know the answer.
“Where have I been?” She said it for me. “Why didn’t I come sooner?”
She looked at me again. “I was scared. I was scared that you wouldn’t want me. That you hated me.” She paused her expression turning pained. “I guess I have my answer.”
“Why now? Why at all?” I had trouble maintaining my anger in the face of her hurt.
“I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to try.” She placed her palm against my cheek smiling sadly. “I got your letter a while ago. I was too afraid. You sounded so bitter and angry.” She paused taking a calming breath. “I’m sorry Helen. I should have been stronger. They told me you wouldn’t be coming back, that you had a new life here.” Her hand trailed down my cheek then fell to her side. “Then you showed up. I handled it badly. I reacted badly when you accused me of not waiting because it was true. I hated myself. I took it out on you.”
My letter? Cheryl. Irritation shot through me but I couldn’t hold onto it.
“Who told you I wasn’t coming back?” I couldn’t help focusing on that. It made my temper flare hot. Not at her though. At them. Because even though I asked, I knew who ‘they’ were.
“My parents. Your parents confirmed it when I confronted them. I didn’t think they would lie to me.” There was anger and hate in her voice. I understood that.
I turned away from her. How could they do that to me? I felt more than betrayed. I felt abandoned. I shook my head trying to clear my mind. It wasn’t her fault. Yeah, she’d believed them. Why wouldn’t she? I probably would have believed them too had our positions been reversed. I’d been horrible to her. Not listening. Ignoring her. Hurting her intentionally. I knew exactly what would hurt the most then hurled it at her, first at home all those years ago then again only minutes ago. I could barely stand myself.
I turned around barely able to look at her. “How can you not hate me? I can’t stand myself, how can you?”
Her response was a chocked laugh. “I wondered the same thing about you. I love you. I’d forgive you anything.” She admitted with a bittersweet smile.
It made me feel even smaller. I hadn’t given her forgiveness. I could give it now though. “I’m sorry Kathy. I can’t tell you how much.”
“I don’t want your apology Helen. I’d rather have you. I want to be with you. I need to be with you.” Her admission made my heart beat harder.
“Do you want to be with me?” She asked her voice rough with emotion. Her entire body was tense.
How had this happened? A few days ago I’d been contemplating moving on after years and now she was here offering me everything I’d ever wanted. I just had to take it. “Yes.” I whispered. “I’ve always wanted you. I swore to you that you would be the only one. I’ve kept that promise.” I couldn’t believe my incredible stubbornness. I didn’t deserve her. It didn’t matter, I had to have her. “Yes, I want to be with you.” I said again making sure there was no doubt in her mind. “I need to be with you.”
She was gazing intently into my eyes with that unblinking stare that seemed to trap me in place while flaying every secret from my skin. “Ask me to stay with you.” She said after what felt like eternity.
I reached out cupping her face between my hands kissing her slowly. “Stay with me?” I breathed out against her lips. “Live with me? Be with me?”
“Yes.” She promised.
Just like that, in that single moment my entire world righted itself.
Our new home had a lot of woods on it but it wasn’t the vast amount of space of the Park we normally romped in. I sold my cabin so we could afford the new place. I told Kathy the cabin was too much a reminder of how lonely I was before she came back. Instead we bought a largely wooded area with an isolated house near my permanent station at the Park.
I started off slow. I tried to catch her scent as soon as I entered the woods. I would have been happy with even a faint scent to know that she’d been in the area recently. Of course there was nothing. I had figured as much. She was just as good as I was at hide and seek. It was only about sixty-six miles long and thirty-six miles wide. It wasn’t a lot of ground to cover. It did seem like trying to find a needle in a hay stack though. At least a needle couldn’t move.
I decided to check a few spots before I started working my way up. I went to our stream sniffing up and down it until I decided that I’d gone far enough. She hadn’t been here lately. I went to every spot that we had ever shared. Still nothing. This could take a while.
I marveled that this was how she wanted to spend our first vacation together. She even told me that I had to wait two days before I could try to find her. Sometimes being with someone who worked inside a building all day seemed ill advised. I enjoyed the outdoors but I was out here everyday. I guess I couldn’t complain too much. I was having a good time. I liked playing with her.
At a slow lope I started making my way to the other end of the forest. Sixty-six miles may have not seemed that much compared to Glacier Park but it was still a long distance. I had to stop for the night hours later. I was too exhausted to go any further. I don’t think I had made even ten miles considering how slowly I had been moving. There were very few times I’d had the opportunity to sleep in the woods like this. It was a good time of year for it though. The nights were cool making it extremely appealing.
I suppose a wolf in the wild would just lie anywhere. I, however, liked comfort. It took me a few minutes to find a well protected area with some padding. I kicked leaves into a pile to make it even better. Finally I was able to relax. It sure as hell wasn’t the same as a bed. I considered Kathy from my semi-cozy spot. She’d been out here for two days. I wondered how she was coping.
The next morning my eyes snapped open with alarm. I sprang to my feet very disoriented. It took a minute to remember what I was doing here. It took a minute to even realize where I was. If Henry had seen me do that he would have kicked my ass. I shook hard trying to dispel some of the dew that had covered me. I probably would get fleas from this. An irritated growl rumbled in my chest at that unpleasant thought. Just the thought made me itch. I sat down and scratched. Stupid. I decided to ignore it. I started searching again. I was going to find her then drag her home. Then give her a flea dip for being such a pain in the ass.
A week later I wasn’t feeling that optimistic. I’d caught her scent a couple of times. They were faint traces of her where she rubbed against some trees. I came across some of her spore too. It wasn’t that old as far as I could tell. I figured I was at least in the right area. We were in the North West section of the woods.
I scouted around a few miles finding more spore. It was much fresher than the other stuff. I decided I would find a place to wait for her out of sight. It made more sense than running round in circles. I settled down in some bushes that had soft moss under them. I fell asleep. I didn’t mean too. I’d been running around these woods from sun up to sun down and a little into the night every day. I needed a nap. Maybe some cooked food too, rather than the few small animals I could bring myself to eat. I felt bad about that but it was me or them. I promised myself I would make up for it somehow later.
The quiet snap of a twig accompanied by the crunching of leaves woke me up. Thankfully there was no jumping or disorientation. I’d gotten over that after the first morning. I waited silently. There was hardly any wind so I couldn’t scent the wind to know if it was her. On the up side if it was her, she would have trouble detecting me too.
Before I could finish the thought she was gliding by me. I knew it was her. Who else would it be? We hadn’t seen any wolves around here since we moved here. Also, our size always gave us away. I was tempted to just pounce on her.
Instead I moved out of my hiding place as quietly as possible. All that time playing hide and seek with Henry paid off. All of those long lessons of his paid off too. I wasn’t going to tell him that. He had a pretty swelled head already from how much Cheryl fawned over him.
I followed behind her for almost a mile before she stopped at a stream. I was frozen with indecision for a few moments. I was almost sad that the game was over. This was stupid. I’d looked for her for over a week.
I made some noise as I approached. When I was in clear view of her I stopped. So had she. She turned towards me with her ears flat against her head. Not a good sign. I sank to the ground so she wouldn’t consider me threatening. I suppose I could have rolled over for her. If she ran though, I’d waste precious seconds getting up.
The ears had lifted somewhat. That was a good sign. The continued low rumble growl was not so good. I considered just changing back. If she saw me as a person wouldn’t she be more likely to change back herself? Of course, if we both changed being naked could be awkward. Or being naked could be very good. We never discussed what my prize would be when I found her. I know what I had in mind.
She wasn’t backing down though. She was moving towards me still growling with her hackles up. Not good. I decided I’d had enough of the wolf game. It only took a second. Instead of a wolf hunkered down on the ground it was me in all my human glory. I sat up slowly keeping eye contact with her. She’d stopped growling. Instead she was watching me. I inched forward on my knees speaking softly, “Come on Kathy. I know you’re not a sore loser.” When I got close enough I reached out to run my hand through the thick fur of her neck. She kept quiet while tracking my every move. I moved closer until her shoulder was against my chest. I leaned down burying my face in her fur taking in deep breaths. God she smelled good. How the heck had she kept so clean I wondered to myself as I rubbed my face against her? I wanted to freeze in this moment. I wanted to live here forever. It felt so good.
“God I’ve missed you. It took forever to find you.” I whispered into her fur. I wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her closer. I wanted to pull her inside me.
The pain that shot through me when she bit me was a shock. I pushed away from her landing on my back holding the bite mark. “What the fuck was that!” I shouted even though I knew she couldn’t answer. I looked over at the wound. It was deep and torn. Blood was flowing down my chest and back. It was the same place that she’d bitten me the first time. I already had a scar from that incident; this would replace it. It would probably make it bigger.
She lunged suddenly pushing on top of me. I caught her neck holding her just an inch away from my throat. What the hell was she doing? The feel of her tongue lapping at the blood on my chest brought me out of my thoughts. It wasn’t a wolf I was holding back anymore.
“You bit me.” I accused softly.
She lowered her body to mine watching me with feral intensity. The feel of her against me was like coming home. Her skin was so hot. It felt like she was burning into me. We would melt together becoming one person. Her breaths were shallow and quick. I still had my hands against her neck. I wasn’t holding her back anymore though. I was pulling her closer.
I pushed my hand through her chestnut hair. It was so thick, so beautiful. It had grown out so much. She was beautiful. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly. Her eyes shimmered at me. The unblinking stare was beginning to disconcert me. Was she even in there? I brought my hand down cupping her cheek. “Say something.”
She didn’t say anything. Her fingertips started to trace every inch of my face. She rubbed her finger lightly against my bottom lip. I couldn’t help it when I flicked out my tongue tasting her. A shudder shot through me tightening my body. She felt it. I knew she felt it because her hand swept down my side grazing the side of my breast. My breath caught in my throat. Before I could say anything her lips were plundering mine. She felt so good. I wanted to be apart of her. I wanted to own her and have her own me.
She was rubbing her body against mine. Her breasts brushed back and forth over mine, making my nipples painfully hard. I could only press up into her trying to increase the contact. I wrapped my arms around her running my fingernails up and down her back lightly then harder. The hiss of pleasure she released spurred me on. My finger nails were practically digging into her back. I knew there would be red furrows down her back. Some of them would even bleed.
She released my lips nipping my chin before nibbling her way down my neck to my collar bone. Each sharp nip of her teeth was followed by the soft rasp of her tongue over the slight pain. Her tongue grazing over the bite made me arch against her. God it hurt. It also felt great with the added stimulus of her body moving over mine. Her hands were stroking my sides. Every swipe of her tongue over the bite caused a surge of desire to shoot right into my core. I couldn’t help the involuntary thrust of my hips against her. I pulled her into me trying to find purchase on any part of her body I could to press my need against. I almost cried with relief when she pushed her knee between my legs pressing firmly against me. I sank my fingers into her ass pulling her tighter against me trying to speed up the rhythm of our bodies.
Her mouth was moving down my body. I felt the scrape of her teeth followed by the wet warmth of her tongue laving the redness before moving lower. The first whisper of her breath across my nipple made me moan. Her teeth pressing against it while she flicked with her tongue drove me closer to the edge. She leaned to the side still sucking then biting my nipple. Her hand stroked down my body slowly. I couldn’t help the loud hissing yes that broke free when her fingers stroked over my clit. She surrounded it with her fingers squeezing lightly then harder. I was out of control. My entire body was shaking. My hips were thrusting in a frenzy of need. After an eternity of torment I didn’t think I was going to survive, she pushed her fingers into me. “GOD YES!” I shouted. She was relentless. Speeding up her strokes then slowing down. Rubbing her thumb against my clit then pulling back. I heard myself begging. The words so incoherent even I could barely understand what I was saying.
Maybe my pleas had finally gotten through to her or maybe she felt the same frenzied need I did. Her fingers started to thrust faster while she used her thumb to rub against my clit. I started to spasm around her fingers losing control of myself. My grip convulsed on her soft flesh. Then her teeth sank into the bite mark again. That brought me screaming and thrashing to a shattering orgasm that seemed to last forever. I lay there spent with her body against mine while her tongue lapped gently at the blood that was once again trickling from my shoulder.
Minutes passed in this blissful state. She started to pull away from me as if she were getting up. I couldn’t let her go. I was so hungry for her. I was hungry for the taste of her. I sat up wrapping my arm around her waist when she rose up to kneel over me. I used my leverage to push her down to the ground onto her stomach. Before she could move again I was covering her body with mine. I’d dreamed so many times of sinking my teeth into the soft scruff of her neck while she bucked up against me. I wanted to feel her writhe under me. I put one hand on the ground pushing myself up while using my other hand just below the base of her neck holding her down. When I knew she wouldn’t try to move away from me I brushed the hair away from her neck. The idea of finally fulfilling this fantasy made moisture drip from me onto her.
I sank my teeth into her neck breaking through her skin with a moan. She bucked up against me. I didn’t let go. I bit in deeper pushing myself into the soft globes of her ass. Her body writhed under mine like a snake as I rode her. I levered myself off of her just enough to push my hands between her legs. I teased her opening with the tips of my fingers listening as the rapture of her moan slid through me. I had to push into her. The feel of her, her scent, it was driving me crazy. I had to be inside her. I had to taste her flesh. I had to suck at the blood that seeped from the bruising indentions that my teeth had made.
It wasn’t enough. I wanted to taste her desire. I pulled back kneeling between her thighs. “Turn over.” It wasn’t my voice I heard. It was too guttural. To animal to be mine. She did as I demanded. I sank down burying myself in her flesh. I lapped up the moisture that was leaking around my fingers.
She hadn’t spoken yet but the rumbling in her chest as well as the groans that burst from her told me everything I needed to know. I slid my tongue against very slick soft folds. When I finally took her clit in my mouth I felt her first shudder. She was close. So very close. I wanted to prolong it. I wanted it to go on forever. I wanted to taste her and love her forever. I just couldn’t control myself. I bit down on her clit harder than I intended. Her ecstatic cry was followed by a pulsing then almost painful gripping around my fingers letting me know that she had enjoyed the lapse in control.
When her body finally stopped clenching against my fingers I pulled out of her slowly then slithering up her body. I rested my cheek against her shoulder snuggling my face against her neck while I wrapped my arm around her waist. I sighed when she pulled me closer holding me tight. I closed my eyes. I felt happy. It almost felt like I was seventeen again.
I was half asleep when I heard the raspy whisper. “You found me.”
I smiled against her skin. “After all that’s happened today, that’s what you come up with?” I asked with quiet amusement.
Something like a laugh followed my question. “I didn’t think you would ever find me. I did everything I could to lead you to me about three days ago.”
It was my pride that answered her. “You did not!” She was not better than me at this game.
“Yes I did.” She laughed at me outright.
I glowered against her neck. “Next time I get to hide.” I grumbled to myself trying to hide the smile that was beginning to form.
“Okay, next time you get to hide.” She assured me.
I had to kiss her just to keep her from laughing. Then all thoughts of hiding or seeking left my mind. I had more pleasant things to do. Hopefully soon I’d be doing them in our bed but right now I couldn’t think of a better place to be.
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