Just another night babysitting with her best friend but lately Sam's thoughts about her friend have taken a dangerous turn. Has she been reading too much fanfiction or is it something more?

Disclaimers: My characters are my own. Any resemblance to a certain bard is not meant intended to infringe on the copyright of the "Xena Warrior Princess".

There is no explicit sex but this is an alt. piece if this bothers you there are plenty other things out there for you to read.

So tell me what ya think. comments welcome squrrielqueen@aim.com


Inner Musings : Fanfiction, Crushes, and Babysitting


Disillusioned Warrior



I shutter as the cold water slaps my face. Snap out of it. I shake my head in a feeble attempt to clear the roar of confusion threatening to destroy me. Too much fanfiction that's gotta be it, the only plausible explanation. My obsession with reading those infernal internet stories.

As if I wasn't already a hopeless romantic, not that anyone knew that little piece of information. I knew spending countless hours reading story after story couldn't be healthy but I continued regardless like a woman possessed. And look where it's got me hiding in the bathroom at a babysitting job. I look in the mirror cursing my reflection along with the fact that I can't stay in here forever. I take a deep breath gather what's left of my wit and march out the door.

The house hasn't burned down yet so I guess the rugrats are still watching t.v. I make way to the room and stop short. Leaning against the doorframe I take in the sight before me. She's sitting Indian style on the bed, the little girl in front of her chatting happily. In her hands is a brush, I watch as she runs the brush gently, carefully through our charges hair. A peaceful smile graces her full lips as she listens to the young child speak. I love to see her like this with her guard down just being herself as opposed to what she wants people to see. She looks up her normally blue-green eyes turned a mesmerizing silver by the unique combination of eye shadow and liner. I know I should stop staring but I just can't run away. Her eyes lock into mine and at the risk of sounding cliche I swear my heart stopped.

In that split second that felt like an eternity I feared she could see the emotions in my usually stoic eyes, what would she do if she knew the depths of my feelings? Just as quickly it was gone, she flashed me a smile and it took all of my strength to keep my knees from buckling. Gods she has a beautiful smile..... shit! Ok there is no way I can feel this way. Damn addicting fanfiction seeping into my conscious thoughts. That's all. I'm simply projecting the longing to find someone to love, who loves me onto her. Just an allusion not real feelings. Right? I'm jolted from the depths of my musings by an amused voice calling my name. I look up to see her standing directly in front of me. I can hear her asking me a question but the meaning is lost as the intoxicating smell of her shampoo drives me to distraction.

Realizing she's stopped talking and is looking at me oddly I manage to choke out an intelligent "huh". "The kids want some food downstairs are you coming" she repeats. Any answer I might have had disappeared as she walked by me, her skin brushing against mine. I can't stop my sharp intake of breath as the accidental touch sends shivers down my spine, the skin on my arm burning with blinding intensity. Oh My Gods! What just happened? Did she feel that too? I try to tell myself it's just my imagination but standing there minuets later I can still feel my arm tingle where her innocent touch branded me .I know it isn't my imagination still the uncertainty lingers that theses feelings are a mere result of my overactive imagination. Reading too much fanfiction, confusing reality and fantasy, I mean she's been my friend for years. I've known her almost my whole life.

So why now? What's different? How did this happen? When? I sigh knowing that no answer is forthcoming and convince myself yet again that there is nothing going on. I pat myself on the back for excellent skills in denial only to have it thrown back in my face. Since my protective world shatters once I turn the corner only to see the very vision haunting my thoughts. A blonde goddess standing tall and proud. Her expressive eyes change colors and shades with her moods and surroundings, tonight they deep blue and grey like the silvery moonlight reflecting off the ocean. I rake my eyes along the length of her body taking in long, golden hair and her cute nose dusted with freckles to her delicate neck and strong shoulders down to her full chest flat stomach and firm thighs before traveling back to her eyes. I can feel myself drowning in them.

The sight of her full lips sends me spiraling head first into oblivion, her mouth crushing against mine our tongues dueling for sweet dominance while my fingers tangle themselves in her sun kissed hair. Her eyes darken with desire as my hands move slowly of their own accord mapping out the contours of her body. The back of my fingertips lovingly caress her cheek before running sensually up and down her arms, moving around to cup her NO!!!!! I jerk back to reality and try to reign in my dangerous thoughts. I can't do this, I won't; sure she's gorgeous, hell she's beautiful, not only on the outside but the inside too, but that's what makes her so special. Too special to lose because of raging hormones or as hesitant as I am to admit it to myself - unrequited love. So I put my feelings for her on the back burner pushing any feelings stronger than friendship aside. She's my best friend and I won't lose her over this. If all she ever offers me is friendship, it'll be enough and who knows maybe one day she'll feel the same way about me, maybe she already does or perhaps she never will.



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