I'M Xena: Warrior Princess?

by GabGal


General : The characters of Xena, Gabrielle and others belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended.

Subtext : This story is based on the premise of two women very much in love with each other. While there are no graphic scenes involved, the theme runs through the story, and if this bothers you, click BACK PAGE and go read something else.

Synopsis :It's seems not only Gabrielle is worry about her relationship with Xena. The Warrior herself knows something is wrong, and she tries to find out what it is, looking back into her memories and inside her soul.

Although this is an independent story, it is very much related to I'm Gabrielle, Bard of Poteidia?

If you have any comments, e-mail me at: gabgal_@hotmail.com


My name is Xena; I used to call myself Warrior Princess. I guess that's the only name I can be proud of, because I know lots of people still consider me as a monster, a murderer, a killer, the Destroyer of Nations. All the names that remind of my dark past, names that not only ring on people's ears, but inside my own soul, 'cause I know I'll have to deal with what they mean till the day I die. I don't even think about the Princess thing, though it was a title given to me by one of my dearest friends, I always think about me just as an ass-kicking warrior. Though lately I feel my days as the mighty Warrior are over, I mean, I still can beat up anyone who comes in my way or my family, it's just that I don't seem to enjoy it anymore. I'm not talking about the entire killing, how could I enjoy killing? , I'm talking about the fighting, that was something that made my blood boil, and I certainly loved the sensation, the excitement, the energy, I felt alive

But these days, life is so strange, I feel like I'm in completely different world. Guess it all started from the moment I found out I was pregnant. It was the most unexpected thing I had to deal with, I mean, how could I be pregnant if I hadn't been with a man for years, and then how could I explain Gabrielle? Gabrielle she has been so patient with me through all this, she has being taken care of me and you with the courage of the fearless warrior, and I have to confess I felt I was asking too much for her, I mean, it's my life, and I had to put Gabrielle on this situation because I just couldn't take a good care of me and you, the truth is I couldn't deal with it all by myself, and it was something I had too much trouble to accept. I never depended on anyone, I've always taken care of me and my loved ones, and I didn't like the idea of Gabrielle doing this, not because I didn't trust her, not at all! , I trust her with my life and yours as well. It's just that I didn't want to see her go trough all of this, I didn't want to see her dealing with all this killing Gabrielle what have I done to you?

Gabrielle came to my life and saved me, saved my very soul with her love. I'm gonna tell you a story, though you have to be patient because we both know who's the bard here. But well, this is the story of my life

I was born on a village called Amphipolis; it was a prosperous village, full of good people who you could count on with. I lived there with my mother, and my 2 brothers Toris and Lyceus. Our family was as any other family, but for me we were the luckiest ones, 'cause we loved each other deeply and we never had anything to worry about. As a child I enjoyed playing around with my little brother Lyceus, 'cause Toris, well, he was the oldest one, so he had to take care of our family helping mom at the tavern, replacing dad. Anyway, I was talking about Lyceus, he was the best brother in the world, and I loved him very, very much, not only because he was my brother, also because he was my best friend. When the two of us gathered, both mom and Toris knew we had something on our minds and we usually did, just because we loved to play tricks on them. We also used to go to the lake together and spent hours there, playing, but of course we had to get home with something on our hands so mom wouldn't be upset, so we used to fish and then we got home all wet, but the biggest smile on our faces, proud of our fish, even if it wasn't the biggest thing at all. Those were good days, years seemed to fly away, so then one day we were grown ups, well, grown ups because of our age, but we still used to act like child sometimes, all until one day

The peace I knew was suddenly endangered and destroyed by a certain warlord, who saw in our village the opportunity to make a living, taking away our possessions and most important, our freedom. Lyceus and I were the first ones to say we couldn't let that happen, 'cause if we surrendered it would be worst than dying. Most of the villagers didn't agree, they didn't want to fight, and even Toris opposed. But I guess our voice was stronger than the rest and at the end we managed to convince more and more people most of them of our age to fight the warlord, so we did. I had never been in a battle before, both I knew something about fighting, mostly because me and Lyceus loved to play warriors and kick ourselves all the time. But when the time came and I had to face my destiny, I don't think I knew in what I was getting into. I did my best and we defeated the warlord, we won, but I lost 'cause I lost the person I loved the most in the world had died, my brother Lyceus I felt guilty, 'cause it was me the one who got him into the fighting, he was younger than me and he took me as his example, and I still think what would have happened if I had been a different person then, would have Lyceus still decided to face the evil warlord?

I was filled with thirst of revenge. I couldn't believe Lyceus had left me, I was so hurt that I decided I would never go through something like that again, I would always protect my village from anyone who dare to menace it, and furthermore I would use the other villages to help me ensuring that, and I did. Soon lots of people were under my command, knowing being next to me would guarantee their richness. So I began to take village after village, though we killed the least as possible, never women or children, we just wanted their richness and we were gonna get it. It was during that time when I met the man who would change my life and made me who I became, his name was Ceasar. I was tricked by him, I trusted him and he paid me by crucifying me. I don't know why this woman, a slave who got into my ship, saved me from the hands of Romans, when I was about to die hanging on a cross. She was M'Lila, a person who owed me nothing and not only saved me from the cross, but later when we faced the Romans one more time, took an arrow that was aimed towards me. She died in my very arms, with a smile in her face and the real dark warrior in me was born, Xena the conqueror of villages was gone, now I became the scariest creature in the face of earth, a soulless woman who decided to fill the emptiness with blood A new Xena was born with a new purpose in life death.

Though Cesar was the one I could blame, for some reason I decided to travel west and have my revenge over there. So the legend began, the legend that has haunted me since then. Too many years, too many lives thrown away under my sword. Though there was a moment when I thought I could start a new life. It was during my staying in the kingdom of Chin, when I met an amazing woman, who tried to show me my way, she taught me about peace and inner love, and her name was Lao Ma. She saw something else in me, making me believe I had much more than fear and rage to give to the world. She almost convinced me I was a good person under the rough cover, and believe me, I tried, I wanted so hard to believe her. But the demon inside me was bigger than anything and I refused to go through life living peace, I had to return to what I thought was the real me, the Destroyer of Nations. So that's what I did, I destroyed hundreds of lives, I destroyed not only kingdoms and peoples, but souls as well, souls who later would want their revenge too

So years went by and my fame was known almost everywhere. I was as feared as a curse sent by the Gods. I had everything I wanted I just had to reach out my hand. I had kingdoms, richness, power, but I wanted more, much more. And I was decided to get it. I knew though if I wanted more than ever before, sooner or later I would have to face the legendary Hercules. He had managed to stand for the weaker all over Greece, he seemed invincible. I knew of all the enemies I had ever had, he would be the hardest to defeat, but no one would stop me, not even him, I had to succeed. With my mind full of excitement I created what I thought was the perfect plan to kill him. Luckily nothing turned out the way I planed, and ironically I had to join forces with him to fight a common adversary, a man who betrayed me and who wanted to take the world. Hercules I don't know what was it, but he had something no other man had, guess he was pure at heart. He was the second person who could see behind the dark warrior I was, and looked into my soul. I was scared at the time, I felt he was breaking all my defenses and I couldn't do anything about it. But for a reason I surrendered. That was the beginning

He let me see I had a soul after all, and it was a good one. He loved me and I loved him, he loved me so much that he let me go, to find my way. Yes, he was the key that opened the door to my soul, but it was Gabrielle who didn't allow me to close it

Gabrielle she was almost a child when I met her, but she was braver than many. You see, I was decided to leave my warlord ways, I was going home to mother to get her forgiveness and a new life. I was decided, but when I saw innocent people were being abused once again, just like the people in my village years ago, I had to stop them, so I fought for all of them. For the first time in many years I was doing something not for me, but for others, and it felt good. That was Gabrielle's people, and I couldn't believe how someone so young and fragile had the courage to face the leader of the soldiers, she had my respect. But that was it, I wasn't a friendly person in those days. I mean, I was just starting to see this new life in front of me, and I was going to try to get forgiveness from the people I loved, and then I found that this girl, Gabrielle, wants to go with me all the way. I wasn't going to allow it, why would I want somebody around me? no way. But she didn't agree, she was convinced she had to go with me, and though I tried to get away from her I couldn't. Now I know why, she was my destiny

Gabrielle I don't think there's a way I can describe all the things I feel for her. She fills every part of my heart and soul. Young girl as she was she was wiser than most. She helped me find my way, and I would be just Xena, and I would fight for the greater good trying to emend the terrible mistakes I had made, though I knew no matter how hard I try it wouldn't be enough. She was always there for me, supporting me, helping me, being my partner, understanding me, but most of all, loving me. She gave me unconditional love and healed the wounds that scarred my soul, she was my light.

I watched her grow beautifully. She learned fast, and soon she was there fighting next to me, side by side. But she had her own code, she would kick any bad guy, but she would never kill any of them. That was ok with me, I could take care of them, after all I had been a warrior almost all my life, only that now I was fighting for the right side. We were so happy during that time; sometimes I felt she had given me back my inner child. With her I had the freedom to act silly, to forget for a while my Warrior Princess stoic way, and I tell you, sometimes it reminded me of Lyceus and I when we were kids. She was everything I ever dreamed of, though I didn't think I had the right to have. She was my soulmate...

Guess the first time I really thought I had hurt her so, was when Callisto killed her husband. Callisto was my fault and poor Gabrielle was paying the price. Maybe I celebrated too soon, it seemed after all the Gods were going to make me pay for my past mistakes, and using Gabrielle for it was the perfect way to destroy my heart and soul. I felt so guilty for Perdicus's death; I felt I failed Gabrielle for not being there when she needed me the most. It broke my heart seeing her wanting to take Callisto's life for revenge, I couldn't believe it, that was too much punishment to take. I could accept anything for me, but not for Gabrielle, she was my soul and hurting her was the biggest torture of all. But Gabrielle was strong and had the courage to not killing, even when that's harder than taking a sword and stab it on somebody's chest. She let go of her anger and returned to the girl I once knew. Actually she became the woman she had always been, the strongest woman I had ever met

But as every woman who had lived life, she got her strength from the things she had to face in her life, and those things did scar her soul too, and many times I wonder if I had done the right thing, letting her walk with me. Though I knew we belonged together, I didn't like the idea of seeing her suffer all the way along. And I made terrible mistakes to her too, just because I placed the Warrior in front of everything else, even her love. Too many hurtful things happened to both of us, but I particularly regret about hers, 'cause I know I wasn't there for her, as I should. I don't know how she was capable of taking all the pain Hope meant. She had so many illusions with her, and I wonder what would have happen if I had given Hope a chance, would it have been any different? where would we be now?. Guess that's something I'll never know. But what I do know is that Gabrielle is the most generous soul I've ever met. She has forgiven me all the wrong I did to her. Gods, I never thought the evil Xena could reborn to make Gabrielle pay for something she wasn't even guilty of. It's just that Solan's death was a pain that got me out of mind and allowed the dark part of my soul to take control. Gabrielle, I know you forgave me, but when I think about it, I can't believe you actually did it. You saw the monster in me face to face, and even like that, you still gave me a chance I love you so much, and I always will, and I'm willing to fight anyone who gets in our away, oh Gabrielle I'll always love you 'cause you're the most beautiful soul I've ever met, you heart is filled with goodness, you know how to listen to people, you have the kindest heart of all. You're always searching for answers and that's something I truly admired from you, 'cause I know you want to be the best person you can be, and believe me, you already are

You see honey, that's the story of your mom's life, and as you can see Gabrielle is the main character in it. But I'm worried you know right now where is she, she's probably anywhere else but far away from us, well, from me. I know she loves you, but she's acting strangely lately, even when she's with me she seems she's far away. And I wonder if it is in part my fault too. I mean, I can't deny I've acted wacky these past months. The pregnancy and everything took me out of my senses. Where was Xena the Warrior Princess, huh? now I'm your mommy, so that's makes me Xena the Warrior Mom. Honey, don't cry! don't you think I'm blaming you, not at all. You're a blessing in my life; you're my daughter. It's just that I feel I'm losing Gabrielle. What was it, why didn't I pay more attention to her? Gods know I love her more than ever, but still I feel I can't connect to her Well, maybe it's because I feel guilty she has to be there for me all the time, fighting Gabrielle, this wasn't something I ever wanted for you, watching you fight, killing people Eve, I think I got her all out of her own way, how much more can I ask her? she's protecting us, but she's sacrificing her very soul in the process. Guess that's it guess I can't look into her eyes and see the pain inside, knowing I'm the one who's gotta be blamed. Besides I wonder why I was given this opportunity with you, I mean, she deserved it even more than me, having a child of her own. I know it would have helped her, 'cause you've completely changed me maybe a child could have make her forget about Hope, she wanted an opportunity with her and I never let her take it. Maybe she thinks Hope is all her mistake. Gabrielle, how much more will you take, aren't you tired enough, will you ever forgive me for what I'm making you go through? I can't even look at your eyes now without being ashamed Eve, what can I do?

Suddenly, Eve begins to get impatient. I look at her and she's waving her little hands to Gabrielle who's standing next to me? Gee, how long has she been there? Then I look at her eyes, they brighter than usual, she has a funny expression on her face, she seems like she's found something and she has decided to tell me, what is it Gabrielle?

- Xena, I need to talk to you -she says.


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