Designs of the Heart
After 2 months of the dating and kissing thing with Desi, Jack and Tk were sitting in Tk's apartment having a buddy to buddy chat. Jack was getting teased by her good ole pal. Tk didn't understand that Jack needed to take things slow with the green-eyed woman. Desi had never slept with a woman, and because of this, Jack wanted things to be just perfect for her, to make Desi's first time something she would remember for the rest of life.
"Have you slept with Desi yet?" asked Tk.
"Are you writing a book, girlfriend?" Jack answered sarcastically.
"Come on, you always tell me everything, Jack, why the secrets now?"
"Tk, you just don't understand. Desi is special, very special. And with a woman like her, you need to take things slow. Besides, with my reputation with the woman, bang ‘em and leave ‘em, I don't want her to think that's what I want to do to her. Because I don't!! I want to be with her more than just sexually, believe it or not."
"Well, Jack babe, I don't know if you'll last that long," joked Tk. "Besides, did you hear that Joe was out Saturday night at the bar, while you were here playing house?"
"Joe? As in Joanne? Joanne Carter, my first?" questioned Jack.
"Yep, and she was asking about you."
Jack was totally taken back by this tidbit of information. Joe was her first love. They had met through mutual friends. She was the first woman that Jack ever fell for, ever slept with. Joe was the woman that made her realize that she was a lesbian, or at least made her face it.
Joanne was a short, Hispanic dyke who took Jack for a real run for her money. She broke up with Jack after 5 months, because she didn't want to get hurt, thinking the brunette would go back to being straight. But in the midst of those five months, Joe cheated and mentally abused Jack in ways that damaged her for a long time. Jack never thought she would be with another woman after Joe. She didn't trust them anymore. It fact, it took two years after their breakup for Jack to even consider another serious relationship. And who was that with? Desi, of course. But every time she heard anything about Joe, or even her name, she always seemed interested. Always wanted to know what she was up to, if she was single again. Even after being hurt by her, Jack still got that feeling in the pit of her stomach when she heard her name. The brunette wanted to know more. She would make it a point to get out to the club soon to show herself. She knew it always made Joe regret the day she ever broke up their relationship. At one point she would have done anything to get back with Joe, in spite of all the hurt she caused. Would she get Desi to go out with her to the Lavender Chair? Would it be too risky? Jack had to go and see her for herself, even if Desi didn't like the idea, she just had to.
"Well, what did she want to know?" questioned Jack.
Tk, knowing she'd hit home with this information, decided to play with it a little.
"Well, she asked if you were still gay."
"And you told her....what, Tk?"
"I told her as a matter a fact you were and that you had a new prospective in line." teased Tk. " I also told her that you would dump anyone you were with to be with her again."
"You did no such thing!!" Jack said angrily.
" Oh come on girlfriend, ease up. Even though I know that, I wouldn't dream of telling her. I am the last person that wants to boost her ego after what she did to you."
Jack, relieved, said, "Thank god. You scared me there for a minute."
"So going out tonight, are you?"
"Maybe,"she answered, turning around and standing up, so Tk wouldn't see her blush.
Jack needed to go to her own apartment to get ready to see Desi. Tk got up to walk her to the door.
"Are you going out tonight?" asked Jack.
"Do you think I would miss a night with all those hot babes out? Hells no!! My ass will be there for sure."
"Ok then, I will probably see you later." said the brunette.
"Ok. And oh by the way, Jack."
"Blush is not your color." teased Tk.
It never fails, every time I'm in the goddamn bathroom the phone rings. Can't a woman take a piss in peace anymore these days??
"Hi hon, it's me, Desi. Bad time?"
"Well, no not really. Not for you anyway."
"Are you in the bathroom again?" laughed Desi.
"Where else?" joked Jack.
"But of course. Anyway, what's on the agenda for tonight?"
"Well, I was thinking about going out to the club tonight, Are you interested?" asked Jack.
"I am feeling kinda sick, but with you I am always interested, even if I hate that place."
"I am sorry you're not feeling well. And I know you hate it there, but I have this urge to dance that needs to be fulfilled." lied the brunette.
"Ok, then Lavender Chair it is."
"Thanks for being so understanding."
"No problem. I'll meet you at your house at around nine, is that good?" asked Desi.
"Perfect. See you then."
" I love you."
"I love you too." answered Jack and hung up the phone.
I do love her. So why the hell am I going to subject her to this bullshit tonight? Why? Because you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want Joe to still want you. And you can't fathom the thought of Joe with anyone else. Get a grip girlfriend, be happy with who you're with or you'll mess it up.
What the hell am I going to wear tonight? Jack needed to make sure she was dressed to kill. Hmm... a pair of ripped jeans and a tight shirt should do. That will make Joe's head spin. Hope Desi looks extra good tonight, need to show her off too. Joe will regret the day she ever let me go, you watch and see.
Why must we go to that club tonight? thought Desi on her way to her lover's house. What does Jack have up her sleeve? She was too insistent about going. Someone she wants is probably going to be there tonight. Will she ever grow up? Will her need to be desired by everyone around her ever stop? Well I hope so, if she ever plans on a future with me or anyone for that matter. Maybe it's because I haven't given in to her sexually yet. I want to in the worst way, but I am too scared that she'll leave me once she gets it. Oh come on, Desi, it's just sex, just do it already and stop being such a pessimist about things. Aah choo... and I so don't feel well. But heck the things you do for love.
Grabbing a couple of things and throwing them into a bag, Desi was getting ready to head out for her baby's house.
"Desi?" called her dad.
"Why are you going out if you don't feel well?" questioned her father.
"Dad, please. I am going to Jack's house for the night, you know that. Why must I get grief every time I go there?"
"Honey, I don't mean to get you upset, but if Jack was any kind of "friend" she would not have you come out when you are feeling like this."
"Bye Dad," said Desi as she closed the door behind her.
As she was getting into her car, Desi couldn't help think about what her father just said. He was right and she knew it. Why would Jack have me come over and have me go out to a club when she knows damn well that I don't feel well?? Why?? Jack why?? Why won't you listen to me and take my feelings into consideration? Why must things be your way or no way? You say you love me...by hell actions speak louder than words.
Shit, no parking. There is never parking around here. I guess I will have to park two blocks away again. Finding a spot, parking the car, Desi grabbed her bag and headed up the block to her lover's house. Brrr, it is cold out here for an October night. Ringing the buzzer Desi waited patiently for the door to open.
"Who is it?" asked Jack.
"It's me, baby."
The door opened and up the stairs she went. I really don't want to go out. Do you think she'll be mad if I tell her to go with out me? Well I hope not.
"Honey, you look so sick." Jack said realizing that Desi was really ill.
"I told you I wasn't feeling well. Hey would you be mad if I didn't go out with you? You can go, I will stay here and wait for you."
Thinking about Joe being there, Jack knew that she just had to be there. Even if it meant she had to go alone. "Are you sure you don't want to stay home you? I will if you want" lied Jack.
"Baby, I know you really wanted to go out tonight. I wouldn't feel right if you didn't go on account of me. So no, I don't want you to stay home and babysit me. Go out and have a good time for the both of us, just wake me when you get in."
Kissing her lightly on the cheek, Jack tucked her girlfriend in to bed and headed out the door to a night full of surprises.
Holy Toledo, this place is packed. How the heck am I going to find any of my friends in here? How am I going to find Joe of all people? If there's a will there's a way.
"Hey Jackie, you sexy thing. How the hell are you?" said Renee, one of Jack's admirers.
"Good, good. And you?"
"Hanging in there. So you single yet?" asked Renee.
Well she is cute, and I really am horny, haven't had sex in months. She has been after me for months, heard she's good. Jack wake up, your gorgeous girlfriend is home sick waiting for you. Don't fuck it up now!! "Well, Renee, I am not single, but I am not dead either." with that Jack walked away to pursue the woman she came there to see.
Running her fingers through her hair, Jack realized the sight of Joe still gave her butterflies in her stomach. Shit why does she still have this effect over me? Thinking she didn't want Joe to see her alone, Jack walked back over to Renee.
Amazed and shocked that this beautiful woman actually walked back over to her, Renee blushed. "You talking to me?" was all she could get out.
"Yep, I am." Jack answered cockily "Are you single?"
Half excited and half still shocked Renee shook her head "Ah..yeah..."
"Well get over here and prove it."
With sweaty palms, Ren walked over to Jack, grabbed her face and started kissing her.
What a good kisser. Kisser? What the heck am I doing? Opening her eyes to stare at the woman in front of her, she could not believe what she was doing. What she was doing to Desi. Her sweet, innocent, sick, Desi. Pulling Ren off of her, she started to say, "I can't... Then in the corner of her eye she realized Joe witnessed the whole fiasco.
"You can't what?" asked Renee.
"I can't handle you...you are making me so hot!!" lied jack.
The beautiful brunette grabbed her victim by the waist and shoved her up against the mirrored wall in the bar. Put on a show, Jack, put on a show. Joe is watching. She's in awe. Twirling tongues, hands touching breast, touching hips, touching ass, Jack couldn't help but think of Desi. She is never going to forgive me for this. Well would you? Maybe she doesn't need to know.
Pulling away to catch her breath, Renee was mesmerized. "Come home with me."
"I can't" Jack answered.
"Because, I have someone waiting home for me." admitted Jack.
"Are you fucking kidding? Then what the hell are you doing with me?"asked Renee angrily.
"Sampling the menu?"
"You need therapy Jack, you really do. Who the hell gave you permission to fuck with people's emotions?
"Renee, relax girlfriend. I wasn't playing with your emotions. Maybe using you a little, but hey don't tell me you never did that before. I know for a fact that you have. Now that the tables are turned, you can't handle it? Renee, maybe it's you that needs therapy, not me."
"You piece of shit," Renee said before she walked away.
Playing it cool, Jack needed to act as if nothing just happened. Joe was eyeing her every move. Eat your heart out. Be sorry for the day you let me go. I could have rocked your world, if given the chance. Look at me, I am a lesbian, something you thought I wouldn't be!! With those thoughts, Jack went on the dance floor to move her booty. People had told Jack that she danced like she was in bed, very sexually. Well, if that was the case, then she must be very horny tonight.
Getting carried away with herself, someone came up behind her and grab her by the hips. Startled jack turned around to see her straight friend Willie, otherwise known as "Big Will" Joe's best friend.
"Hey there Will, how are you?"
"Good thank god and you?" answered her friend.
"Pretty good, taking it one day at a time, you know what I mean?"
"Sure do. I'm guessing you noticed Joanne dancing on the other side of the if this floor, staring a hole in your back." said Willie.
Turning around to be face to face with her friend, she admitted " Willie, I left Desi tonight at my house sick, just to see get my sorry ass out here to see Joe. Am I pathetic or what?"
"Nothing but, and don't spare my feeling either."
"You're not pathetic, just in love with the wrong person. How many times do I have to tell you, that Joe is so wrong for you. That the woman you left behind in your house, is so much more woman than Joe will ever be." Willie said honestly.
"I know you're right, Will, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. Part of me wants her back, and the other part wants Joe to eat her heart out. Regret her mistake. Is that so bad?"
"Jackie, do you really want me to answer that? I think you're a big girl and know the right answer all by yourself. Now think with your head, and not with your crotch, and I'm sure you'll do fine."
"Willie, you're too much. My philosophy is think with your heart not with your head. Because your head can play tricks on you and your heart will never lie. My heart is saying "get her back. Get her back" so that's exactly what I plan to do." said Jack.
"Even if it means, losing someone that is very dear. Desi is made of gold. She treats you with the utmost respect. You compliment each other. You know damn well that she will not put up with this for long, then what? You go back to crying every night, because you fucked up yet another potentially good relationship? How will you live with yourself then? Go back to love em and leave em? Jack you are very special to me, and you need some structure in your life. And that structure is sitting home waiting for you. Now get home, a hold that precious woman in your arms, and promise yourself to do the best you can to make her as happy as she makes you."
"Well you told me!!" kidded the brunette. "Ok, ok, I'm outta here." Jack kissed her friend goodbye, and turned around to walk away.
"Willie!" screamed Jack.
"Yes," he grinned.
"Anytime baby, now GO."
Grinning to herself, Jack was very lucky to have friends like Willie in her life. Now to listen to the advice he just gave her would be even a greater task.
Collecting her thoughts, Jack was looking for the house key. She didn't want to ring the bell, just in case Desi was asleep. Here we go, all these keys, this building is like fort knox. Well I guess it is better then no locks at all. Jack made her way up the steps, into the apartment very quietly. Tip toeing onto the living area, she noticed Desi fast asleep on the tiny sofa. I am such a dog, my baby is home sick and I am out playing flirting games. Get your head together babe, or this sleeping beauty won't be here for long. She walked over to the couch to give her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek, when suddenly Desi turned around and said
"Did you have a good time at the club, honey?"
Startled that she was up, Jack lied, "Not as good of a time as I would have had if you were there with me."
"That is so sweet" Desi said placing baby kisses on her lover's lips. "I missed you."
All turned on, Jack teased, "You missed me, huh? How much?"
"I thought about you all night. Thought about how much I wanted you to make love to me."
A bit taken back, but very willing, Jack nuzzled her face into Desi's neck. "You smell so good."
"Mmmm, don't stop." moaned the greened-eyed beauty.
Kissing her neck, then making her way around to lips, Jack wanted her. Wanted her in a way she that she never wanted any other woman. Trailing her fingers along Desi's stomach, she decided to move a little further. Jack shimmed her way down in between her lover's legs. Kissed her stomach then started to work her way up..
"Are you ok with this?" the brunette questioned.
"More than ok." answered the turned on little woman.
Continuing her venture up her lover's shirt, Jack began licking her nipples. She was liking the way Desi was responding to her touch. Nibbling a little on them, and pulling them with her teeth, was getting very good feedback too. Working her hands up the sides of Desi's body, Jack lifted her shirt up and off. By the gods I love her. Do it nice and slow, don't rush her. Make it everything she thinks and wants it to be.
"You are so beautiful." admitted Jack.
Grinning shyly, Desi couldn't think of anything more than having her sexy lover run her fingers all over her body. Oh god I hope I am doing the right thing. Of course I am. I love her to death, and she promised not hurt me, mentally, so why shouldn't I? I bet I can come up with a lot of reasons why I shouldn't but I won't think about that right now. She entwined her hands with Jack's and brought them down to her inner thighs.
The brunette gave her lover a questioning look, "Are you sure?"
"I have never been more sure of anything in my life."
With that, Jack pulled off the sweat pants that were in the way, and inched her way up to the glorious mound of sweet seductive flesh. Breathing in deeply the scent, softly separating the folds of moist skin, she needed a taste. Teasing her with the tip of her tongue was just not enough. Placing a finger right outside her wet opening, Desi was begging for more. The arched back and swaying hips gave it a way a little. Ooh baby, she is h-ot . Very slowly she pushed the finger in. Boy was somebody wet. Desi started humping her finger. With her free hand, Jack pulled and teased her nipples. By the gods, I am going to come before she does..
"Oh Jack, that feels so good."
So good is an understatement. What the hell have I been waiting for all this time? Oh god, this is pure heaven. Desi you have been such a prude, such a prude. Well, not anymore. Jack, you just wait and see what I am made of....
Pumping her a little faster, her lover was starting to open up a little more, getting even more wet. Jack inserted another finger in to the moist opening. She moved her tongue a little faster, and more wildly. Covering every crevice, every fold there was. Taking her free hand and running it down her lovers arched back, made Desi even more crazy.
"Baby, stay still. I don't want to hurt you." laughed Jack.
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one with a hand and tongue between your legs." moaned Desi.
Jack nestled herself back between her lover's legs. Mmm, she tastes so good too. What the hell was I thinking this evening kissing one person to make another jealous?? You have the best right here at your fingertips, literally. Sucking more intensely Jack was determined to make her reach a high level of orgasm.
"Oh Jack, Oh my god. I am going to come."
With fingers still inside, Jack brought herself up to Desi lips." That is the point, honey." "Come for me, hump my fingers like you never want me to stop. Show me what you are made of. Show me how good I make you feel..Come on Baby, come for me."
Legs shaking, body trembling, Desi was experiencing the most awesome feeling ever. "Hol-e-shit, J-ack, I am coming!!"
"That's it baby, that's it, come for Mama!"
Juice started pouring out like never before. My baby is coming. Yes, yes, that's it. Jack's body falling on top of her in exhaustion. My god that was amazing.
Kissing her lips she hoped Desi liked it enough. "Are you ok?"
"Baby that was wonderful, that was the most amazing thing anyone has ever done to me."
"I am glad you approved," teased the brunette.
Getting up to go to the bathroom, Desi noticed blood dripping down her leg. She sat back down next to Jack who also noticed it and seemed concerned.
"Baby, it's ok. I am a virgin and I guess.. Well I guess not anymore. It couldn't have happened with a more wonderful person. Don't worry I think it is very romantic. We have a special bonding now."
Jack, started to cry. What have I done? I hurt her. I don't deserve her. A more worthy person should have taken her virginity away, not a low life, self centered, cheating pig like me. I have to come clean with her and tell her what I did tonight. I swear I will never do it again. I swear!!
"Jack why are you crying? I lost my virginity and you're crying? Please tell me the truth, what's the matter?"
Not wanting to discuss it tonight or lose the mood that had set it self, Jack decided to tell her everything first thing in the morning. Grabbing her baby by the arm, pulling her close she said "I am ok, can we just discuss it in the morning? I promise I will talk to you and tell you what is on my mind. But I do have on question for you before we call it a night."
"Sure what is it?" answered the confused woman.
"Why did you decide that tonight would be the first night that we would make love?"
A little embarrassed, Desi knew she had to tell her the truth. "I felt like I was losing you, wanted us to be one. Didn't want to have to worry about you looking else where for sexual satisfaction. And besides I love you so much, there was no real reason not too."
Feeling even more guilty than before, Jack knew Desi was the right one for her, her soul mate possibly. She also knew she would try everything in her power to make up for the hurt she caused her tonight, at the club.
"Baby, I love you too."
"Good night, Mama" joked Desi.
With that both lovers fell into a deep sleep, not knowing what the other had in store for them the very next morning.....