For Disclaimers see part 1.

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Part 11

When we last left our story Aphrodite had offered to temporarily change Xena's anatomy.


Xena: That's a tempting offer.

Gabrielle: Hold on there Warrior Babe. I like your anatomy the way it is.

Xena: It would just be temporary.

Gabrielle: This is Aphrodite we're talking about.

Xena: You have a point there.

Aphrodite: Hey, I have always come through for you two.

Gabrielle: I was a nervous wreck thinking Xena might be stuck in Daphne's body forever.

Aphrodite: I said I was sorry for that.

Gabrielle: I know. I just don't want to take the chance that you might not be able to change her anatomy back.

Aphrodite: That won't happen.

Gabrielle: There is always a first time for everything.

Xena: Sorry Aphrodite but I won't be taking you up on your offer.

Gabrielle: Thank you!

Xena: The thought of possibly having a male attribute forever is too unpleasant to think about. No offense guys.

Eli and Lyceus: None taken.

Aphrodite: I can do the opposite for you boys temporarily if you want.

Lyceus: Thanks for the offer but no thanks.

Aphrodite: How about you Eli?

Eli: I'll pass.

Aphrodite: If any of you change your mind just let me know. I guess I'm not needed here so I'll be off.

Lila: I need you.

Aphrodite: My brother is a lost cause so I can't help you there.

Lila: Darn!

Aphrodite: I can however try to find you another love match.

Lila: You'd do that for me?

Aphrodite: Of course. I am the Goddess of Love after all.

Lila: I do have one condition though.

Aphrodite: You ask for my help and then you are giving me a condition? What is it?

Lila: Promise me you won't use any love spells?

Aphrodite: That makes my job a little harder.

Lila: Please?

Aphrodite: Alright. I have a job for you then.

Lila: What is it?

Aphrodite: I want you to answer this questionnaire.

{A book an inch thick suddenly materializes in Aphrodite's hands. Aphrodite hands it to Lila.}

Lila: It's awfully big isn't it?

Aphrodite: You want old fashion matchmaking then I need to know as much about you and what you are looking for in a love match. Just give me a shout out when you are finished.

{Lila opens the book to the first page.}

Lila: Describe my innermost thoughts as a baby? You weren't kidding when you said you wanted to know everything! I don't see how what I thought as a baby is going to help you.

Aphrodite: You mortals! You don't want spells and then when I try to help you the old fashioned way you complain!!

Lila: I'm sorry Aphrodite. You're right. I'll do my best to answer everything. If I don't know all the baby questions I'll ask mother or Gabrielle.

{Hercuba and Cyrene enter the kitchen. Both are wearing simple yet elegant evening dresses. Cyreneís dress is light blue and Hercubaís is a deep royal blue.}

Hercuba: Ask me what dear?

Aphrodite: My! My! Donít you lovebirds look stunning this evening!

{Hercuba and Cyrene both blush with the compliments as everyone concurs with Aphrodite.}

Aphrodite: You two better keep a good eye on one another because a lot of women and men will be trying to steal you away from each other.

Cyrene: Oh, believe me I wonít be able to keep my eyes off her for a second!

Hercuba: As I with you. Now Lila what were you going to ask me?

Lila: Aphrodite has given me this questionnaire to help her find my soul mate and it asks things about my thoughts as a baby. I was hoping you could help with some of it.

Hercuba: Of course I can.

Lila: Thanks mom! I asked her not to use any love spells.

Hercuba: And you agreed Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: You mortals all want the real thing. I donít get much call for my love spells anymore except from Joxer who asks me daily.

Lila: He does?

Aphrodite: Yes he does. I think the two of you should get together.

Lila: But Iím not in love with him.

Aphrodite: Details! Details!

Lila: Thatís a very big detail if you ask me.

Hercuba: Lila love will find you when you least expect it. Itíll come to you just be patient.

Lila: Itís hard to be patient when everyone around me has their soul mate and Iím still waiting for mine.

Aphrodite: My offer of a love spell still stands.

Lila: Thanks but Iím not that desperate yet.

Aphrodite: Suit yourself but if you change your mind just give me a shout. Iím outa here.

{Aphrodite pops out of the kitchen.}

Cyrene: Weíre out of here as well.

Xena: Enjoy your evening and dinner.

Cyrene: We will.

{Cyrene and Hercuba depart for their dinner at Lao Maís.}

Gabrielle: I donít think their minds will be on dinner.

Lila: What do you mean?

Gabrielle: Did you see the way they were looking at each other?

Lila: Gabrielle!

Gabrielle: What?

Lila: Thatís our mother youíre talking about!

Gabrielle: She may be our mother but sheís a woman with desires just like the rest of us.

Lila: Yes, but I donít want to know about that.

Gabrielle: Why?

Lila: Because sheís our mother thatís why!

Xena: I agree with Lila. Itís not that I mind that my mother has desires but I just really donít want to know about them, just as I donít think she wants to know about mine.

Gabrielle: Well, actuallyÖ..

{Xena puts her fingers in her ears.}

Xena: Lalalalalalalala!!!!!!

{Gabrielle laughs and takes Xenaís fingers out of her ears.}

Gabrielle: I was only kidding Xena.

Xena Thank the goddess!!

Lyceus: Gosh Xena the look on your face was too funny!! Gabrielle really had you going.

Xena: Iím glad you found it so funny little brother but I donít think you would be laughing if Gabrielle was talking about your love life to our mother.

Lyceus: Gabrielle wouldnít have to talk to mother about my love life because I do that fine on my own.

Xena: Youíve got to be kidding me!

Lyceus: Why would I be kidding?

Xena: I canít believe you talk to mother about your love life.

Lyceus: I feel comfortable talking to mother about everything. You never were one for sensitive chats.

Xena: I only feel comfortable doing the sensitive chats with Gabrielle.

Lyceus: Are you sure you donít mean sexual chats?

Gabrielle: She does those too. Xena has many skills!

Eli: Iím looking forward to experiencing all Lyceusís many skills.

Lyceus: And I yours.

Lila: Ok, I donít want to hear any more!

Lyceus: Weíre sorry Lila. Weíll stop.

Lila: Thank you.

Xena: Iím going to start the fire for the steaks. Gabrielleís stomach is starting to make grumbling noises.

{Xena leaves the kitchen to go outside.}

Eli: I wondered what that noise was.

Lila: You know when we were younger I always snuck food for Gabrielle to eat before we went to sleep because if I didnít the noise from her stomach would keep me awake.

Gabrielle: And I always made sure I fell asleep first so Lilaís snoring wouldnít keep me awake.

Lyceus: I can relate. I used to try to fall asleep before Xena started doing fighting drills. She did them almost every night before she went to bed.

Gabrielle: When I first started traveling with Xena I found it comforting to fall asleep while she was doing her drills.

Lila: What about later?

{Gabrielle smirks.}

Lila: Ok, I get the picture.

Gabrielle: I was hoping you would. Iíll be back. Iím going to check on the fire.

Lila: Check on Xena you mean.

Gabrielle: That too!


Coming up next:

Itís not just the grill thatís heating up!