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Part 9

When we last left our story Salmoneus was pitching his idea to a skeptical Xena, Gabrielle, and Lyceus.

Salmoneus: As I was saying I want people to come to the tavern not just for the food and brew but for the experience.

Lyceus: What experience?

Salmoneus: The bard and warrior experience of course.

Xena: When you say ďbard and warrior,Ē just to whom are you referring?

Salmoneus: I only know of only one warrior and bard in this room.

Xena: Salmoneus!

Salmoneus: What?

Xena: You always seem to put the cart before the horse.

Salmoneus: Did you come up with that on your own?

Xena: Yes, why?

Salmoneus: Iím impressed. I guess the bard is rubbing off on you. Although I donít really know what carts and horses have to do with anything?

Gabrielle: I try to rub off on Xena as much as I can.

Xena: Iím one lucky warrior!

Gabrielle: Iíd say we are both lucky.

Salmoneus: Now Xena correct me if Iím wrong but didnít you once say that the only reason you do any good at all is because of Gabrielle?

Xena: Youíre right.

Salmoneus: Didnít you also say that youíre going to make sure other people know that as well? {Xena nodded her head in agreement.} What better way to sing the praises of Gabrielle then a place where people can go to revel in all things bard.

Gabrielle: Salmoneus youíre crazy! No one would be interested in that.

Salmoneus: Ah, but thatís where youíre wrong. Iíve traveled the land, and surveyed all types of people on all things warrior and bard.

Gabrielle: And?

Salmoneus: The bard beats the warrior princess.

Xena: I could have told you that. Gabrielle never believes me when I tell her sheís got many more admirers than I.

Salmoneus: Well, believe me Gabrielle when I tell you that you are admired and loved by all, unlike tall, dark, and deadly over there. No offense Xena.

Xena: None taken.

Salmoneus: Gabrielle people are drawn to you because they feel like they know you. Youíre someone they feel they can talk to. They want to know all about you.

Gabrielle: It canít be all about just me.

Salmoneus: Oh, donít worry Xena will be included too, but youíll be the main focus.

Xena: Salmoneus have I told you how brilliant your idea is?

Salmoneus: Why no Xena you havenít.

Xena: Salmoneus your idea is brilliant!

Salmoneus: What did you say Xena? I didnít catch it the first time.

Xena: I said your idea was brilliant.

Salmoneus: And what else?

Xena: I was wrong and you were right.

Salmoneus: Now the next time when I say I have a brilliant idea will you believe me?

Xena: Hey! Donít push it.

Salmoneus: Well, you canít blame a guy for trying.

Xena: Sure, I can.

Salmoneus: Xena, you never give a guy a break do you?

Xena: Someone's got to keep you on your toes.

Salmoneus: Oh, is that what you're doing?

Xena: Yes.

Gabrielle: I don't know about this.

Lyceus: I agree with Xena. I think it's a wonderful idea.

Salmoneus: It'll be great! Picture this Ė Gabrielle weíll have your scrolls on the wall. We'll also display your weapons and outfits.

Gabrielle: Xena's too?

Salmoneus: Yes, we'll have you wear them first for authenticity and then they can be displayed. It's all about everything being the real deal. I plan of having replicas of everything that your fans can purchase. Of course if they want items that you have used then we can charge more for that.

Xena: Ok, now thatís where I draw the line. Iíll let you display my outfits and weapons but no one is buying them. My stuff is not for sale.

Salmoneus: But XenaÖ

Xena: But SalmoneusÖ..NO!

Salmoneus: Gabrielle?

Gabrielle: I agree with Xena.

Salmoneus: Lyceus can you help me out here?

Lyceus: Sorry no. Itís all up to Xena and Gabrielle on this one.

Salmoneus: Fine! Have it your way.

Xena: Oh we intend too.

Gabrielle: So whoís going to be making the weapons and outfits you have on display?

Salmoneus: I haven't gotten that far yet but I want to have it done here in town. I think the town needs to benefit from this too.

Xena: I'm surprised you don't want to have the work done somewhere cheaper like in Chin or something.

Salmoneus: Believe me the thought did cross my mind. For right now I think it's important to use local businesses.

Gabrielle: I really like the idea of that.

Xena: So I take it the name of the tavern is going to change?

Salmoneus: Yes. I've been running some names through my head.

Xena: Let's hear them.

Salmoneus: The Quill and Chakram Cafe, The Bard and Warrior Cafe, The Battlin' Bard Bistro, and my favorite The Bard Rock Cafe.

Gabrielle: What does the rock have to do with anything?

Salmoneus: Nothing, I just like the way it sounds.

Gabrielle: It's original. I'll give you that.

Salmoneus: I envision selling all sorts of things with the name and the location on it. I've got a lot of work to do and people to see so I'll be in touch.

{Salmoneus opened the kitchen door to leave and there stood Lila and Eli with their hands full of bags. Salmoneus held the door open for them to enter.}

Lila: Thanks Salmoneus!

Salmoneus: You're welcome. Bye all!

{Salmoneus closed the door. Eli and Lila set their bags on the counter and turned around.}

Lila: Thanks again Eli. You are a god send.

Lyceus: You can say that again!

Eli: Why thank you both.

Gabrielle: So Eli how was your shopping adventure with Lila?

Eli: It was quite an education.

Gabrielle: How so?

Eli: I learned to never get in the way of a woman in search of a bargain.

Xena: That's a very important lesson. I leave a wide berth whenever Gabrielle is shopping. I just stand back and watch and then hold her packages when she's done.

Gabrielle: Xena's one smart warrior.

Xena: Yes and this smart warrior says we have a customer.

Callisto: Hello?

Gabrielle: I'll be back.

{Gabrielle goes out to the dining room.}

Callisto: It's about time. I think you need to work on your service.

Gabrielle: Well, hello to you too!

Callisto: Can we cut the pleasantries and get down to business?

Gabrielle: Fine. What can I get you?

Callisto: I need lunch for three to take with me.

Gabrielle: We have ham sandwiches, chicken soup, and nut bread.

Callisto: Can you throw in three apples too?

Gabrielle: Sure.

{Gabrielle walks over to the kitchen.}

Gabrielle: I need three walking lunches and throw in three apples.

Xena: Coming up.

{Gabrielle walks back over to Callisto.}

Callisto: What?

Gabrielle: Did I say anything?

Callisto: No, but it looked like you were going to.

{Xena emerges from the kitchen with a box filled with lunch items and walks over to stand next to Gabrielle and Callisto.}

Xena: Here you go. Fast enough service for you?

Callisto: Yes, now Gabrielle just needs to work on her speed and you guys would have a good thing going.

Gabrielle: Speaking of going, why don't you?

Callisto: Before I go I thought you might be interested to know your mothers were in the shop when I left. I must say your mothers have good taste. They picked out some lovely lingerie for each other. I think they were even looking at things for the two of you. Thanks for lunch. Put it on my tab will you?

{Callisto takes the box from Xena and leaves the tavern.}

Xena: Gabrielle I hope Callisto is making that up about our mothers shopping for us.

Gabrielle: With Callisto itís hard to tell.

Xena: Now our mothers shopping for lingerie for each other is one thing, but shopping for us is quite another. Itís just not right.

Gabrielle: Yes, gods knows itís the only time I can actually get you to shop with me and enjoy it.

Xena: And enjoy it I do.† I think we are due to go on a lingerie seeking mission soon.

Gabrielle: Thatís my kind of mission!

{Lyceus steps out into the dining room.}

Lyceus: Another mission? But you just got home!

Xena: With this mission we get to stay in town.

Lyceus: Good, I like that type of mission. I wish you would have more of them.

Xena: So do we.

{Gabrielle and Xena smile at each other}

Lyceus: Oh oh! I think my idea of your mission and yours are two totally different things!

Xena: You got that right!

Lyceus: Ok, Iím not even going to ask!

Xena: Youíre one smart brother!

Lyceus: Yes, and I learned from the best.

{Xena smiles.}

Lyceus: Mother!

{Xena stops smiling.}

{Hercuba and Cyrene enter the dining room.}

Cyrene: Yes?

Coming up next: The moms update all on their day so far.