Disclaimers: Regretfully, I did not create the characters of Xena, Gabrielle, Hercules, and Iolaus although sometimes I like to think that I did. I am not making any money off this story so Rob, Ren pics, and Universal please don't sue me.

Violence: Xena becomes a little peeved and wields a sword menacingly but no actual violence.

Language: Xena was a warlord so, yes, she may say a naughty word or two.

Sex: Yes, however, I don't have the guts to make it all that graphic. It is between two females so be warned.

Feedback: Please send any comments to kburnett@udel.edu

"Hercules and Iolaus: Warrior Spies"

By Katie Burnett

"Hey, Herc, what do you think this big news is? Xena has never asked us to meet her in Amphipolis before. In fact, we haven't seen Xena and Gabrielle in ages," Iolaus asked his big best friend as they traveled the road to Xena's hometown.

"I have no idea, Iolaus, that is why we are going there," Hercules responded while looking up at the sky. "It's going to be dark soon. We should probably start looking for a place to camp. We should be in Amphipolis by mid-day tomorrow."

"Do you think that Gabrielle may still be single?" Iolaus inquired sheepishly to break a companionable silence a few minutes later.

"I'm sure she is. We would have heard if she and Xena had someone else traveling with them. That means that Xena is still single too," Hercules said with a grin.

"It's been years since we have spent much time with them but I still like her," Iolaus mused dreamily. "She liked me too; maybe I can buy her dinner or something."

"You know, I don't think either of them are ready to settle down, pal," Hercules stated rationally while secretly thinking that he could do the same thing with the warrior princess.

"That's perfect! Neither are we..." the shorter man was unable to finish because Hercules had clamped a large hand over his mouth and was indicating for his friend to be quiet. As Herc stood perfectly still and listened to the sounds of the forest, he began to pick up on some noises that were most definitely not natural.

"Come on, I hear something. Keep quiet." With that, Hercules and Iolaus began sneaking quietly through the woods toward the noises, which were getting louder but were still indistinguishable. Finally Hercules stopped behind a large tree. Now he could faintly tell what the noises were: it was the heavy breathing and moans of passion. The heroes knew that they should allow whoever it was their privacy, but their curiosity took over and they moved closer still. The men could now clearly hear the voice of the person doing the majority of the moaning and groaning; it was low, rich, and definitely female.

"Xena!" Hercules and Iolaus whispered to each other in tandem. Now they really knew that they should turn around and go set up camp somewhere else, but again they could not bring themselves to do the noble thing. Thus, they inched closer still. They both gasped at what they saw. The warrior princess was lying in a clearing that was obviously a campsite, as naked as the day she was born. Her raven tresses, including a braid on either side of her face, were scattered around her head and her bangs were matted to her forehead. The warrior was sweating profusely even though it was winter and writhing uncontrollably with her hands clutching the bedroll. Her legs were covered with a blanket but there was obviously someone under it giving the warrior a very good ride.

'Where's Gabrielle?' Iolaus thought obliviously. 'She must be off making dinner.' That thought was quickly proven wrong when Xena started proving that she was somewhat vocal in bed.

"By the Gods! What are you doing to me! Unngggghhh...just like that....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Wow that one's new, where'd you learn that? Uggggggggg. Amazons, hah? Unnnnnnggggghhhh. Pleaaassssssee....don't stop....ohhhhhhh. HOLY FUCK!!!!!!! Gonna come...GAAABBBBBRRRIIEEEELLLLEE!!!!!!"

After hearing Xena throw her head back and scream the bard's name loud enough for all of Thrace to hear her, Hercules and Iolaus just looked at each other, speechless. They still, however, were unable to look away. Xena's body appeared to calm down after a few minutes, and a blonde covered head popped out from underneath the blanket. Gabrielle scooted up a little bit and then rested her head on her warrior's stomach.

"Good gods, sweetheart. Have I told you lately that I love you?" Xena finally said while still trying to catch her breath.

"Well, not for at least five minutes. I was feeling neglected. I love you, too, my big mushy warrior," the bard replied while locking green eyes with Xena's blue. Then the smaller woman looked down at Xena's stomach. "I love you, too," she said while kissing the tummy. Xena reached down and tangled her hands in the bard's short blonde hair, with a big smile planted on her face and tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Honey, do you think it's too early to be thinking of names?" the warrior asked while stroking Gabrielle's head.

"Of course not," the bard replied while looking up at Xena. "You're crying again, love."

"You know, hormones. And I am so damn happy. How about Hercules if it's a boy?" Xena said teasingly.

"Oh right. That wouldn't open him up for ridicule. Besides I don't know how comfortable I would be having a son named after someone you had slept with, you know what I mean?" Iolaus gave Hercules a teasing elbow to the ribs after hearing that remark. The demi-God simply scowled back at him before trying to restrain his laughter. "How about Iolaus?" the bard suggested.

"Then the baby may be doomed to be short," Xena replied thoughtfully. Hercules had to hold an indignant Iolaus back from storming into the campsite and giving the warrior princess a piece of his mind. Unfortunately for the two men, this also caused them to ruffle some leaves. They could clearly see Xena's senses become fully alert and she whispered something to Gabrielle before getting out of bed and grabbing her sword in all her naked glory. Although it was nothing that either man hadn't seen before, her glorious body still stunned them immobile and pretty soon they were face to face with an angry warrior woman.

"Uhhh, hi, Xena," Iolaus squeaked with a half hearted wave.

"Would you two care to explain why you are standing in the bushes spying on us? Did you think that we need extra protection?" Xena asked with a slightly bored tone which was a cover up for either the fit of hysterical laughter that was coming on or the murderous rampage. Meanwhile, Gabrielle had turned bright red with embarrassment and anger while pulling on her leathers.

"Ummm...well, we were on our way to Amphipolis to meet you and we decided to stop for the night..." Hercules began. Xena raised an eyebrow as if to say 'and' while Gabrielle came up behind her and put a bedroll over her shoulders. "Hi, Gabrielle. Uhhh and we heard noises and we wanted to make sure that no one was hurt," the big man finished in a rush.

"Is that right? Well, I'm sure that you figured out pretty quickly that my moaning and screaming had nothing to do with being hurt. So why, pray tell, are you still standing here?" The warrior asked a bit more angrily as she began to realize just how much their privacy had been invaded.

"We were...uhhh...kinda shocked. Too shocked to move actually," Iolaus explained while looking at Gabrielle's angry frown.

"I know for a fact that you two have seen people making love before. Why the hell were you too shocked to give us some privacy?" the bard exploded.

"Honestly, uhhh, well we had just been talking about how you two were still single and all and how we are both still interes..." Hercules tried to explicate but was stopped by an extremely peeved warrior princess grabbing his shirt.

"We are not single and haven't been for years, got that?" she snarled in the stunned man's face.

"I think that we kind of got the picture," he got out in a voice higher than normal. The hero was literally scared that she might end his existence right on the spot.

"Yes, I'm sure you did," Gabrielle sneered as she attempted to pull her partner off their friend.

"Listen we are really really sorry. But you'll have to tell us about this pregnancy thing. By the way, I am not...that...short!" This caused all four friends to burst out laughing and as they turned back to the campsite, all was forgiven. "By the way, Gab, you have to teach us whatever you were doing to Xena. WOW!!!"


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