For complete disclaimers see part 1.
If youd like to tell me what a wonderful writer I am, or that I royally suck, feel free at: XenaNut@hotmail.com
Somehow I managed to drive to Dagnys apartment. My eyes were red and swollen as my emotions had finally caught up with me. I stumbled up the two flights of stairs, and reached for the knob, thankful it was not locked. I had been ever grateful to see Freud in the parking lot. I wasnt sure what I would have done if Dag hadnt been home, next to hunting her down.
I stepped into the apartment to find the lights off save for that of the TV screen. Dagny sat on the couch with her feet on the coffee table watching. She turned, startled.
"Chase?" She jumped up from the cushion and hurried over to me. "My god, what happened? Are you okay?" She gathered me in her arms, and I sank into them, my savior.
"God, it was so awful," I cried, tears freely falling down my cheeks. I didnt care if she saw right then. My pride fell to the wayside of my broken heart. Dagny held me, rubbing my back in slow rhythmic circles that eventually helped to calm me.
"What happened, baby," she asked, pulling away just enough to look into my eyes. Her brows were narrowed with concern, her finger gently brushing away strands of hair, stuck to my face with sweat and tears. Now all I needed was blood and it would be complete. "Do you want to talk about it?" I nodded, wiping my eyes with my hand. "Come on." She lead me to the couch, and pulled me down to half lie on her as she stroked my hair. "Talk."
"They know." Dagny was silent, but I could hear her heartbeat, steady and slow.
"Oh. From the look of you Im guessing it didnt go over too well." I shook my head, nuzzling in closer to her, the softness of her breasts under my cheek.
"My parents went ballistic. The sad thing is, I didnt tell them."
"How did they find out, Chase?"
"What!" She nearly dumped me off the couch as she jumped up. "What do you mean, Carla?"
"Apparently she saw us kissing. I think it was the day we all swam." I grabbed a tissue from the coffee tables dispenser, and blew my nose.
"You mean as in two days ago?" Dag held up two fingers, her eyes on fire. I nodded. "I want to fucking rip her hair out! We had so much fun, then she turns around and fucking stabs you in the back like that? That little bitch!"
"Whoa, calm down there, captain."
"Chase, dont you see? Because of her you had to go through this." She looked at me, her arms out for emphasis.
"It would have happened anyway, Dag." Why the hell was I protecting the little bitch?
"Shit." The anger seemed to seep from her ears as she physically deflated, grabbing me again and pulling me to her. "So what else happened?"
"My mom took my house key." I lowered my head, feeling the weight of people who refuse to understand or see me for me.
"Oh, baby. God, I cant believe this. What will happen?" I shook my head.
"I dont know. I guess its all up to me, now. Im just grateful that this coming semester of college is paid for."
"Well figure it out, Chase, okay?"
I remembered all the things I had said, all the things that had been building inside me for so long and I grinned.
"I did get my say, though."
"What do you mean, you got your say?" Dag looked at me unsure, a smile waiting to peek out.
"I told them everything Ive felt for my entire life. The way they have shit on me, the dumpster of the family. Wow, did they not like that, but thats life. Theyve never liked to hear the truth, and in fact run from it frequently. Its really pathetic. You know, I think this was starting to build, and it was just a matter of time before it blew up in their faces."
"You may be right, baby." Dagny held me tighter against her, her face buried against my skin when I felt warm lips on my neck. "I want you to know something, Chase." She pulled away to look into my eyes. "No matter what happens with them, Im here for you. Okay? Weve come too far and fought too hard to lose this now." I looked at her, immensely relieved. That was what I had needed to hear, needed to know. I felt so lost. I knew it would really hit me later, right now I was too busy riding the emotional Merry-Go-Round to really have it hit home.
"Anytime." With the feel of her lips on mine, I knew that was a promise she intended to keep.
* * *
"Well, Chase, I must say I wasnt expecting to see you here during the summer time." Sam smiled at me, patting me on the back as he lead me into his office. I sat in my familiar place on the couch, he across from me automatically crossing his right leg over his left. "Did I see you walk in with Dagny Robertson?" he asked, taking his glasses off to polish them. I nodded, trying to hide the ridiculous grin that threatened to break out every time I heard her name.
"Shes actually the one who got me to come here today."
"Really? Why is that?"
"Well, first off, its been an interesting couple of weeks. I need to fill you in."
"Alright." He sat back, watching me patiently, his hands placed neatly in his lap.
"Well, do you remember the girl?" This time the grin spread across my face smooth as butter. He nodded, an anticipatory grin curling up the corner of his mouth.
"It, um," I cleared my throat, Sam the only person I had actually officially told. "It all worked out, and, um, well, were together." He looked at me for a moment, then completely out of character, sat forward ready for a session of girl talk.
"I must ask you, Chase. Is it Dagny?" The smile again, followed by a blush and a nod. "Oh, thats wonderful." He put his hands together, and then patted me on the knee. "Im so happy for you."
"How did you guess?" I also sat forward, my curiosity piqued. "And, um, well isnt this highly unethical?" I raised a brow.
"Highly, so dont learn a thing from me. And how did I guess? Well, when I saw you two together a few moments ago, I saw the spark of life and love pass between you two. Its a wonderful communication that can be seen by all." He sat back in his chair, taking the proper position and smiled.
"Thanks, doc. Ill have to remember that." My smile faded as I thought of the other thing that had me sitting on Sams couch again. I looked down, my fingers beginning to grab and pull at each other nervously.
"Chase?" came a concerned voice.
"Yeah?" I looked up at the doctors face that I had come to see as a friend.
"Are you alright?"
"I will be, Im sure." I sat for a moment as I gathered my thoughts and myself. It had been over a week, and it still haunted me; the look in my mothers eyes, the hatred in her voice. I did not understand where it came from and why I was forced to bear the brunt of it. I broke down in tears on an almost daily basis, and Dagny had done her best to try and help me through it, being there for me, listening to me, threatening to beat the crap out of my parents. Nothing worked.
"I want you to see Dr. Roth, Chase. Please?" Finally, grudgingly, I had said yes.
Now as the doctor waited patiently for me to explain, I thought about my childhood. I had felt taken care of, safe and settled and loved. But no matter how hard I try, and how hard I looked back, I had never felt like I had belonged. I had always felt like an outsider to the clique, the new kid on the block that just didnt look like the other sheep.
"My parents found out about me, about us, last week," I finally muttered. "It didnt go well."
"So, they found this out because you told them." I shook my head.
"No. My sister saw Dagny and I kiss. Apparently she felt she was helping me out by telling our parents."
"She wanted to tell them for you?"
"Oh, hell, Sam, Carla hates me! She is the absolute apple of my parents eye and what better way to secure her place in the family lore as the great white hunter than to shroud me in even more disgrace and disgust to my parents." I jumped up from the couch and began to pace the office, finding my way to the window to stare out over the nearly empty campus. "My mother made me give her my house key, and she said some pretty awful things to me."
"How did you react?" I smiled.
"I blew up. I told them everything I had felt and thought for so long. I called my father a jellyfish." I chuckled and turned to look at the psychiatrist over my shoulder. He was smiling, her fingers thoughtfully stroking his chin. "Did you forget to shave for like the last twelve mornings, there, Sam?" He smiled and nodded.
"Im growing my yearly beard. Soon Ill get tired of it and cut it off."
"I dont get men and their fetish with facial hair. And women with chest hair. What is up with that?" Sam looked at me like I was crazy. "Sorry. Anyway, I gave my mother the key, said some mean things, and left the house."
"How long ago did this happen?"
"What about her?" I made my way back to the couch and flopped back into the soft cushions. I ran my hand through my hair as my nervousness returned. Why was I here? I really didnt want to be talking about this at all. I liked Sam a whole lot, but I just wanted to push this all down and forget about it. I wanted to attempt to get my own life started with Dagny, finish school and start etching out my niche in life.
"What?" I looked at Sam, irritated at being ripped from my reverie.
"Maybe we should end the session for today. What do you think?" He leaned forward, smiling at me with understanding. I lowered my head, feeling bad but nodded.
"Im sorry, Sam."
"Dont be. This is not an easy thing youre going through, hon. Listen, do you have anyone you can talk to? Anyone perhaps whos a little older that you trust, maybe who has gone through the same thing?" I shook my head. "Well, if you need to talk to someone your own age, let me know. I know a few people." He smiled and stood, as did I.
"Thanks, Sam. I really appreciate what youre trying to do for me. Im sorry Im being a pain in the ass." He patted me on the back as I opened the door to his office.
"Dont you worry about it. Youre a good kid and deserve better then this."
I snorted. "Says you." With another pat he sent me on my way before calling me to him again.
"I hear youre a psych major. How far do you plan on taking it?"
"I dont know. I just barely figured out that I was a closeted psych major." I smiled and winked.
"Well, if you decide to take it all the way, Id absolutely love to be your mentor." A grin spread across my face from ear to ear.
"Really?" He nodded. "Thats really cool." I muttered. "Thanks, doc."
* * *
I drove to the apartment, my mind working on what Sam had said. Who did I know that I could talk to? Dag had said something similar, thinking maybe I should talk to someone who has gone through this crap with their families. Where does one go to find such a friend? Advertise in the local paper, calling all people with assholes for parents? Worked for me.
I was ever grateful to whichever god had given me great foresight, however unexpected. I had taken very little with me to my parents house as I had only planned to be there for two weeks. Most everything was left at the apartment. I had only lost a few articles of clothing. Better then Than or Melo. I would have really had to hurt someone, then.
I parked toward the back of the lot at the apartment, and took my keys from the ignition, tossing them up in the air only to catch them again. I looked at them as they shone in the sunlight, one key in particular shining the brightest. An instant smile spread across my face as I thought back to when Dag had presented me with my very own key. I looked at it, running my finger over the newly sharpened teeth of it. How could some aspects of your life be so fucking awful, yet others were so incredible they didnt seem real? I didnt get it.
I looked around the empty apartment, Dagny gone to work with Levy on a project for the upcoming year. I felt different somehow, being in this place without her. I felt totally at home here, Dagny going out of her way to make it feel as if this were my place, too. I would start helping her with rent shortly. I still needed to talk with Greg about getting more hours at Gotfrys. I needed all the money I could get to save up for the year ahead. I would start my junior year come September.
I plopped down on the couch, the energy seemed to just drain from my body. What was I doing? Was it the right thing? Why the hell couldnt I just be like everyone else, my parents supporting me on all that I did. I knew my mom wanted Carla and I to get married and have her grandchildren. We were not kids to her but merely trophies.
I brought my hands to my face, trying to hide from the painful truth that my mother did not love me for me. She loved me for what she could get out of me, how proud I could make her and how much she could brag to her friends. Why? And how had my father, a strong guy in his own right, allowed her to bring him down just as low? Carla and I had never had a chance, but he did. Why does he stay with her? Hes the major breadwinner, so you know it sure as hell isnt for the money.
I felt the tears coming, again. I had cried more in the last six months then I had in the last twenty years. I let them come. I wanted to wash out all the memories, all the pain and disappointments, all the pressures. There was absolutely nothing I could do now save for maybe turning into mini Carla in the night. That wasnt going to happen, and I knew it.
Dagny had told me to unpack all my stuff today, settle in. So, I swiped impatiently at my eyes and blew my nose, then started the most unpleasant task. I hated moving, but since Id gone to college it seemed thats all I had done.
Dagnys family had moved all over the country her entire life, once even doing a nine month stint in Italy when shed been a baby. I had been born in the house on Ute Drive, and had lived there until the day I left to go live in the dorms at UA. It was a strange thought that I would never live there again, or probably visit again.
I shook the thought out of my mind as I put a Melissa Etheridge CD in the stereo and started in on the first box, unpacked it and started on a second, leaving a pile of broken down boxes in the middle of the floor. I sang along with the lyrics at the top of my lungs, really getting into the groove when I came upon some loose papers and trash in one box.
Sitting on the floor with my legs stretched out in front of me, I began to go through it, tossing old notes and tests aside, scrap pieces of paper with doodles that I could no longer tell what they were meant to be. Hey, I was a singer not an artist. Under the Ayn Rand book, which my mom would never see again, I found a small white card. Picking it up I realized it was a business card. I saw that it was Jenny Carlsons card, and when I flipped it over saw Joie had written her name also and their home phone number.
Tapping the card against my thumb, my wheels began to turn. I pocketed the card and continued unpacking, trying to find a place for everything. The problem was that the apartment was small and I hated clutter, and knew Dagny hated it with a passion, so how to make everything fit. Like a jigsaw puzzle, I worked steadily throughout the day. I even managed to find a place for my Care Bear, a relic left over from childhood. I stuck him in the fireplace next to Dagnys penguin.
Piled high with crushed boxes, I made my way noisily down the flights of stairs to the back door and out to the trash dumpster. Wiping my hands on my shorts, I glanced up at the sky, which was steadily becoming darker and darker. It had taken me nearly six hours to get everything put away.
I leaned against the building, my mind going to Dagny. I knew shed be home soon, and I couldnt wait to see her. I thought of her face, her eyes and especially her mouth. My eyes closed as I imagined her kissing me, her lips soft and pliant, on my neck, my shoulders, everywhere. I wanted her so bad my body boiled at least one hundred times a day.
We slept in the same bed every night, our bodies entwined together, but I never made a move. I didnt think she was ready for that, and I had no clue what the hell Id do if given the chance.
"God, make me behave!"
With a very heavy sigh, I pushed off the wall and took the business card out of my back pocket, and re-read it as I made my way inside.
My palms were sweaty as I picked up the phone, my eyes locked on the numbers on the card, written in blue ink. Would she be mad? No, then why would she have given us her number? I bit my lip, almost painfully hard, as I dialed the numbers. It was early evening their time, so I hoped theyd be home.
Am I doing the right thing?
God, I feel like an idiot.
Okay, not home. I took the phone from my ear when I heard the click of the receiver being picked up.
"Shit." I put the phone to my ear to hear a womans voice yelling at someone.
"Nate! Let go of the dog, let go, now. Good boy." A sigh. "Sorry about that whoever you are. Hello?" I smiled, completely amused.
"Um, hi. Is this Joie?"
"Cameron, is that you again? Now, I told you Id have to bench you if you call for Jenny one more time. Shes taken, hon." I was nearly giggling, now, well, once I got past the surprised. Wow, what a psycho this Cameron must be.
"Um, well, no. This is Chase Marin." Silence. "Ah jeez, Im sorry for bothering you." I felt really stupid as Joie obviously had no idea who I was. Why would she? Hell, Id met her a year ago!
"No, no. How goes it, Chase? Hows Dagny doing?" A smile slowly spread. She remembers me, yahoo!
"Uh, well, I hung in there." I grinned into the receiver.
"You dog! Good for you. So alls well, then?" I could hear Nathaniel running around and laughing in the background along with a barking dog. "Wow, it must sound like World War III around here, eh?" She laughed. I nodded, then realized she cant see me.
"Yeah. New dog or something?"
"Well, kind of. Anyway, so whats up, kiddo? Its great to hear from you. How did it happen?"
I told her the entire story from beginning to finish. Joie made comments or laughed or sympathized as I went along.
"Wow, thats is awesome that she finally got a clue. I tell you, when I first saw Jenny at that party, oh man. She had me right there." Her voice was filled with awe and I hoped that Dagny and I would be an eighth that happy in another nine years. "It was worth the wait, Chase. Im sure youve found it was, too."
"Oh, yeah." I couldnt keep the love out of my voice, and she chuckled at it. "But, there is one problem." I took a breath, looking around for something to play with as I sat on the couch talking to Joie. I saw my inflatable guitar not far, so grabbed it. "My parents now know."
"Are they talking to you?" she asked, her voice low and concerned.
"Talking to me? Hell, they took my house key away."
"Aw, man. Listen, can I tell you a story?"
"Sure." I found the little tube that pulls out of the guitar to inflate or deflate it. I picked at it with my fingers, needing somewhere for my nervous energy to go.
"My folks live in Florida, have for many years. My dad was some big wig in his time, and made lots of money, which meant lots of friends and lots of people to impress. My older brother, Tommy and I were so close, I mean this guy was my hero all my life. He was eight years older and protected me from parents who didnt like that their daughter wasnt the perfect little debutant they had tried to raise. Tommy was the good kid, I was the stupid one." I laughed, understanding that.
"Oh, yeah. I hear you." She chuckled then continued.
"Hockey was our lives. My brother got into it first as a kid, then when I got old enough I would play against him until I got as good as he was." She sighed sadly. "Then he went off to college in Washington state, and I was lost without him. I had centered my identity so much around him I didnt know what to do with myself, and my parents had no idea what to do with me. I mean, check this out, rich man has a gay daughter who likes to have fun and play hockey."
"Yeah, Im sure their friends were in awe." She laughed outright.
"You got that right. You should have seen, I would steal Tommy and my fathers clothes. I was the perfect little boy-wannabe." I erupted in laughter, imagining little Joie dressed up like big brother. "Now, if you think Im lying, I should send you a picture of me in college. God, what was I thinking?"
"Oh, Chase!" she roared. "You hit it right on the head, girl. Oh man, youre fun. Anyway, so, Tommy left home, and thats when the shit really started to hit the fan with my parents. My mom tried and tried to turn me into a little miniature version of herself. You know like Dr. Evil and Mini Me or something." I laughed, totally understanding.
"See, for me it was them trying to turn me into my sister, Carla."
"Oh, thats bad. So I fought with them constantly, started getting into trouble, doing stupid stuff just to piss them off." I chuckled as I heard Jenny yelling at Joie not to curse in front of the baby. "Oops. Anyway, so then when I was fifteen my world was absolutely shattered." Joies voice lowered, and I could tell a more serious tone was coming into the conversation. "Tommy was playing in a game, kicking butt as usual, but got blindsided by a player on the other team. The doctor counted thirteen cracks in his helmet."
I sat back against the back of the couch, my fingers stilled on the plastic guitar. I could almost feel the pain radiated off of Joie in waves.
"He was all I had."
"Ah, Joie. Damn, Im sorry."
"Yeah." She was quiet for a moment, and I swore I heard her sniffle. "So anyway, after he died the family tension got even worse, and I decided that in order to get out of there and not end up on the street Id have to go off to college. Besides, I wanted to play for the Panthers at Washington State University. So, thats exactly what I did. Of course my folks helped things along by kicking me out after graduating high school." She chuckled lightly.
"So what happened?"
"Well, my father sent me money every single month, a stipend to keep me away. I stayed clear across the country, theyd pay for me to live and go to school."
"My god. They, like, bribed you."
"Thats exactly what they did. Hell, I didnt care. By that point I was so bitter." She snorted. "Hell, they hated me playing hockey."
"Because of Tommy?"
"Hell, no! Because its not a lady-like thing to do. My mother has not said a nice word to me since I was twelve. They do come up once a year for Nathaniels birthday, though."
"Yeah. I saw them for the first time two and a half years ago. Chase, they had no idea what was going on in my life, they didnt even show up at my college graduation."
"Youre not giving me much hope here, Joie." She chuckled.
"Hey, I wont lie to you, kid. Its tough, and what Ive learned out of life is that when your own family turns their backs on you and dont support you, you have to create your own. Thats exactly what youve started to do with Dagny."
"So this is it, then?" I asked, feeling abandoned all over again.
"Who knows. I dont mean to be a drag, Chase, but I dont know your folks or whats up their asses, oops, I mean their rear ends. Sorry, babe." I grinned. Can I have your life someday, Joie?
"How have you dealt with it?"
"Dont have much choice. I tell you, if having my family in my life on a normal or regular basis meant that I had to change my life and who I am, I wouldnt do it. Jenny and Nate are my family, now. I love them with all my heart and would do anything for them. Theyre what matter, now. I promise you, Chase. You will get to that point, too. This is still a new, fresh wound for you." I tossed the guitar aside, wishing I had Dagny with me instead.
"Thank you, Joie. I really appreciate you talking to me, I mean, Im sure youre busy and didnt really wake up this morning with the need to relive your life."
"Hey, not a problem. I will gladly talk to you anytime, you got it?"
"Jenny says hi, too."
"Hi right back at her. Well, um, I better get going. Thanks again."
I hung up with the hockey coach, and stared out at the room. Come home, Dag. I need you.
Dagny had warned me earlier that it would be a very long day, so I was not worried yet, just agitated as I wanted her with me. Joies words and experiences had served two purposes: one, it gave me hope for my future. Two, it made me realize my relationship with my family was probably screwed.
I lay down, staring up at the ceiling, my inflatable guitar back in hand. I strummed the plastic strings made into the face of the guitar, imagining in my head what I was playing. As I thought about our conversation, I did feel better knowing that I wasnt the only defective kid out there. It still hurt and I knew it would be one hell of an uphill battle, but all in all I was free now, and didnt have to hide or play games anymore. Plus, I had Dagny in my life.
I took a deep breath and let it out slow. It was time for me to stop concentrating on the bad stuff. There was nothing that I could do to change their minds, so why beat myself up over it?
Feeling like I had found some peace for the first time in weeks, I snuggled against the soft cushions, and closed my eyes.
I felt her skin beneath my hands, soft and smooth, almost hot to the touch. She moaned my name as I explored her body with just my hands, not even my eyes. I traced the lines of her face, trailing down her throat to her collar bones and down further. I felt her fingers tighten their grip on my arm as I took a breast into my hand, amazed at how impossibly soft it was. I felt her press herself up into me.
"Chase? Wake up, baby." My eyes popped open to see Dagny sitting on the edge of the couch, her hand on my stomach. I smiled.
"Hey, you. I missed you today."
"I missed you, too, baby." She leaned down and kissed me on the lips. My dream coming back to me, I brought my hand to her arm, trailing my fingers down it until I reached her fingers, tracing the skin, over her knuckles, to her fingernails, back up again. I looked up into her eyes, seeing them look back at me. She readjusted herself so she was closer to me. She brought her other hand up to my face, pushing hair behind my ear, then caressing down my cheek.
"How was your day?" I asked, my voice breathy, surprising myself as it sounded like it belonged to someone else entirely.
"It was good, long." She leaned down just the tiniest bit. "But its so much better now." She brushed her lips gently across my forehead, my eyes closing as I took in her scent. "Much better," she whispered as her kisses made their way down my temple and across my cheek, stopping at the tip of my nose, then moving down. "How was yours?"
"I dont know," I mumbled just before her lips met mine. I brought my hand up and lost my fingers in her hair, gently pulling her down a bit more, aching for the kiss to deepen. Dagny moved herself so she was nearly laying on top of me, her upper body pressed to mine. Her lips opened the slightest bit, mine doing the same, but the kiss was kept at a slow, luxurious pace, our mouths working together, a bottom lip sliding in between top and bottom then back out again only to find its way in warmth again.
Dagny moaned slightly as she opened her mouth a little more, just brushing my lips with her tongue. It was my turn to moan as I responded, my tongue meeting hers before it slipped inside her mouth.
"Baby," she whispered as she slid more of her body on top of mine. My mind and body were reeling, so many thoughts and sensations going through my head. I was kissing Dagny, hell I was making out with her. I was kissing a woman. Whoa. It was a strange thought, all that lovely childhood conditioning coming back, but I blocked it out. This felt right and true. More right then anything in my life.
I ran my hands from Dagnys hair down to her back, running my hands all over her, feeling the material of her tank under my fingertips, that itched to feel the bare skin beneath, but not daring. If Dagny gave me the go ahead, Id gladly go where no woman had gone before.
Ring, ring, ring
Dag stopped, broke the kiss but leaned her forehead against mine.
"Saved by the bell, huh?" She smiled, her breathing heavy. All I could do was nod. Finally getting herself together, Dag stood and grabbed the cordless off the coffee table.
As she answered it, I sat up, trying to get myself under control, straightening my hair and shirt that had become wrinkled from Dagnys body. Oh, Dagnys body. I closed my eyes as I recalled her lips on mine, her hands on me, her body on mine. Oh, cruel, cruel world.
Dagny sat down next to me turning the phone off and setting it back on the table.
"Who was that?" I asked, doing my damndest to keep my hands to myself. I finally had to resort to sitting on them.
"Some idiot phone salesman." She glanced down over at me, then down at my hands, a slow, very sexy smile spreading across her face. "You alright, there?" I nodded, probably a little too vigorously. Her smile grew wider. "Im going to take a shower. Ill be right back, then maybe we can catch some dinner. Im starving." She patted my leg, kissed my neck, and stood to head for the bathroom.
I watched her go, the jean shorts she wore fitted just so, nicely emphasizing that incredible body of hers. Her tank was black and ribbed and tight. I clenched my fists, trying not to groan. It was getting harder every day to behave. As my feelings and love grew for Dagny, so did my need for her.
The door to the bathroom closed, and my heart slowed. Well, sort of.
I sat back on the couch, ran my hands through my hair then went in search of a hair tie to pull it all back away from my face. My hands needed something to do, the energy surging through my body at a mad dash. I checked my pockets but found nothing. Shit. Looking around the table and floor, I still had no luck. My eyes drifted to the bathroom door. I knew behind that slab of wood was an entire bag full of them, but Dag was in there. She was in there naked getting ready to take a shower.
I stood, but stayed where I was, my eyes still locked on the door. My legs wanted to move me toward it, but I had to will them to stop until I could think about it rationally. I could easily just open the door once she got under the water, which she had just turned on, reach my hand blindly out to the back of the toilet where the bag was.
Dagny wouldnt mind, I knew. There was a shower curtain in there, granted it wasnt one of the opaque kind. But still, she wouldnt get mad.
Making up my mind with a nod, I headed to the bathroom door, knocking softly.
"Yeah?" was yelled above the water. I opened the door just enough to be heard.
"Dag, I need to grab a hair tie."
"Go ahead, babe. You dont have to ask." Yes I do.
I pushed the door open all the way, and stepped inside. I tried to avert my eyes. Yeah, right, Chase. You really did. The light shone down on Dagny as she rinsed her hair, her head back, arms raised as her hands smoothed the blonde strands back. My eyes slid down her wet body to her neck, her shoulders, and finally her breasts. Oh my god, those breasts. The nipples were hard from the hot water, and I literally felt my mouth start to water. Never in my life had I seen or touched another womans breasts, and I had no idea really what Id do with hers, but god I wanted the chance.
My eyes traveled further, down her stomach, so beautiful, and on lower to unbelievably beautiful legs, one bent just slightly as her body moved with the motion of her hands and moving her head under the water.
My gaze traveled back up her body, just as slowly until I reached her face only to find her staring at me. Oh shit! I panicked for a moment, but then it swiftly seeped out my ears when I saw the look on her face. She was looking intently into my eyes, her own on fire. My body filled with heat and cravings that I had never known. My heart began to beat double time, the blood pounding in my ears.
Suddenly feeling the need to escape, I grabbed the hair ties, and fled. I hurried out to the kitchen and opened the window above the sink. I needed some air and to cool off. I barely recognized my body anymore, and definitely didnt fully understand what it was going through, or where it was taking me, but I had decided to sit back and enjoy the ride. But damn was it taking its time.
We laid in bed, both on our backs staring up at the ceiling. I think we knew what was starting to happen, and were both feeling the heat. I was afraid to touch her, not sure what I might do. Then I felt her hand on mine.
"Yes?" I was almost waiting for her to yell at me for the shower incident. I had already come in here, getting ready for bed when she finally got out of the bathroom. She hadnt said a word, just brushed out her hair, and laid down.
"Have you ever done anything with a woman before?"
I turned to look at her; she was still staring up at the ceiling. She began to caress my fingers, and the skin of my hand. Her touch was soft and gentle.
"No." I admitted. "You?" She shook her head. "Did you ever want to?"
"You know, I had never really thought about it, to be honest. I had found different women attractive, or sexy. You know, but I just never went that far with my thoughts." She looked at me, a smile on her face. "Until now." I smiled back.
"Yeah. When we were younger and Carrie would talk about this girl or that, and the stuff shed do with them, it didnt bother me, but it didnt really do anything for me, either. You know?"
"Oh, I understand completely. But I did always think the female body was absolutely beautiful and incredible. Oh, I had this swimming coach one time when I was about thirteen. Damn," She began to run her hand up and down my arm. "It amazes me how soft your skin is. Anyway, Mary was her name. She was probably about twenty-five at the time."
"Ah, the older woman." I grinned.
"Yeah, something like that." She smacked my hand playfully. "She was just beautiful." She looked at me for a moment, "You know, you actually remind me a lot of her, your coloring."
"Is that a good thing?"
"Oh, yes. A very good thing." She smiled, taking my hand and bringing it to her lips, kissing the palm. "What do you like, Chase?"
My brows drew. "What do you mean? Like between peas and corn?"
"You nut. No, sexually."
"Oh." That stopped me cold. I suddenly felt very embarrassed, not one to really share my sexual history or likes. When Mike and I had sex, it was good, and I enjoyed it, but it never seemed to get me to the place where he was taken. I was afraid it was just me, so didnt really talk sex with my friends, not even Carrie, though she felt the need to tell me plenty. "Well, hmm." I thought for a moment. This entire last year or so I had been thinking specifically of Dagny sexually, and sure as hell not myself. "I can tell you one thing that Im really not a fan of."
"Well, you know, like when the guy, or you or whatever goes, well, inside."
"Yeah. Im not such a fan of that."
"Really?" I looked at her. Was that a bad answer? "Thats funny, because neither am I." She smiled at me, and so did I, completely relieved.
"Oh. Good. I thought maybe I was defective or something."
"No. Maybe it just means you were meant to be with women." She smiled and winked, placing my hand on her tank-clad stomach as she continued to play with it. "Darrel always had a difficult time with me. See, Im very sensitive down there, but only in certain areas, so it takes a definite knowing touch, and it takes a long time." She rolled her eyes. "God, he used to get so irritated with me."
"Youre kidding. Why?" I turned onto my side, leaning on my arm, suddenly feeling intrigued, wanting to know what would please Dagny.
"Well, it took a long time as I said, and he would get tired. Hed do his thing, you know, inside and all that, but then I was nowhere even near finished." She chuckled. "Poor guy."
"Yeah, but he shouldnt have gotten irritated at you for it."
"No, probably not. But overall he handled it fine." It felt really strange hearing about my, well, I guess my girlfriend, talking about having sex with her ex-boyfriend. It kind of creeped me out, and certainly didnt help in the jealousy department. "What about you and Mike? Was he the only guy you ever slept with?" I shook my head.
"No, but the first real boyfriend I had. The other one was just to pass the time."
"Oh." She sounded surprised. "I didnt realize. God, Chase youre so young. How many people have you slept with?"
"Only two." I smiled. "There was only one other before Mike."
"Well, what did you like that they used to do?" An adorable smile spread across Dags face, the curiosity palpable.
"Well, sometimes Mike would be between my legs, and hed well, hed just kind of rub against me. Know what I mean?" She nodded. "God, I loved that. Another thing that I love, and this is kind of silly, but I love nails on my skin. Not the hard, S&M type, but just to gently run along my arm or something," I closed my eyes thinking of the sensation it caused, imagining Dag doing something very similar. Oh, Dag. The more we talked about this, the more my body began to respond to it.
"I also have extremely sensitive breasts." My eyes automatically traveled there. They were so beautifully pronounced through the thin material of the tank. God, I just wanted to Grrrr.
"Mine can be, it just depends."
"How its done. I need a certain speed and certain amount of pressure."
"God, Id really like to know what." I looked at Dagny to see if she had said what I thought she had said. She was staring up at the ceiling, biting her bottom lip. "We should get some sleep, Chase," she finally said, her voice low and husky, driving a shiver right through my entire body.
* * *
A few days and restless nights later, we strolled along the streets around campus, in the mood to shop. Dag ran her hand up and down my arm as we walked and talked. I told her about my conversation with Joie and all her wisdom that she imparted over the phone. I also told her about Joies own troubled past and snobbish, uncaring parents.
"God, is it just rampant? Are there no parents out there at all who accept their kids?" Dagny asked, an edge to her voice.
"I dont know. If there are, send them my way." She chuckled, hugged me as we walked on, turning onto 4th Avenue.
"Hey, want to go in there?" I looked to see where she was indicating, and saw the big glass-fronted store.
"Antigone Books." I looked in the window, seeing people milling about. "Sure. Youve never been in here before, miss reader of the masses?"
"Well, no. I always wanted to, but, um, well, I just never got the guts to go." I looked at her, confused.
"Why not?" She pointed to a stack of books near the door. Lesbian Erotica. "Oh." We giggled like little girls as we walked in, holding onto each other as if a huge lightning bolt would come down from the ceiling and fry us both for being in a bookstore that had lesbian books in it. "Have you ever read anything like this?" I asked, looked at a rack of bumper stickers. Dagny shook her head.
"No. Ive always wanted to, though." I looked at her. "Hey, Ill read anything. Besides, I was just curious."
"Uh huh." She smacked me on the arm. "Ow." We wandered around, Dagny snooping around the books, me checking out the cards they had.
"Oh, this looks good." I turned to see her reading the back of a book. "How sad. These girls have been friends for a long time, then one dies." She opened it up and began to flip through it, reading different parts of it. "Oh, I have to get this."
"What is it?"
"Its called First by some woman with a very odd last name."
"So, um, this will your first lesbian novel?" I nearly whispered. She grinned.
"Its not a sin, Chase. I want to see what theyre like. My freshman year of college, my roommate used to read books like this all the time."
"I dont know. Well, I didnt know at the time, but looking back on it now, Id bet my life on it." She grinned, tucking the novel under her arm as we continued to look around.
"Oh my god, Chase, come here." Dagny grabbed my sleeve, nearly pulling me off my feet to look at the book she was pouring over.
"Holy shit!" I covered my mouth to see if anyone nearby was looking at us, then turned back to the book in Dags hands. It was filled with pictures of women in various sexual positions. "Can you actually do that?" I whispered, moving in so we were both huddled around the book.
"I guess. They sure as hell are."
"What is this?" She closed the front cover to let me read.
"What is the Lesbian Kama Sutra?" She shook her head.
"I dont really know, but its kind of cool."
"Can I help you, ladies?" We both jumped, Dagny nearly dropping the book as we turned to see an amused woman standing behind us, her hands behind her back as she looked from one of us to the other.
"Oh, um, no. Thanks." Dag smiled. I was grateful she had been able to speak because I couldnt quite breathe yet.
"If you need anything, Ill be over there."
"Thanks." The woman gave one last glimpse to the book in Dags hands, then walked away chuckling. "How utterly embarrassing."
"Oh, come on. If she works here, shes probably gay, and you know shes probably had sex at least once."
"Yeah, but still." Dagny looked around to make sure we were alone again, then opened back up to the page we had been on.
"God I feel like a kid looking at my dads Playboy magazines." I grinned.
"I know. Me, too." Dagny nearly giggled at our badness. It didnt take long before our heads were pressed together again as we took in the pictures and descriptions before our virgin eyes.
An hour later we left the store, both of us toting a bag filled with books, some rainbow buttons that I planned to stick on my guitar strap, and, of course, the Lesbian Kama Sutra.
The time was coming quickly, and I think we both knew it.
* * *
"Put something good on the stereo." Dagny called from the kitchen. Incredible smells of chicken and seasoning wafted into the living room.
"Okay." I knelt down, turning the tuner until I found something I liked. I smiled, stood and walked to the kitchen. "May I?" Dag turned to me, seeing my hand extended to her, and she smiled back, taking it. I lead her to the living room where we stopped in front of the fireplace.
"Good choice," she said. We began to dance slowly as Art Garfunkel sang about the troubled waters and how hed be a bridge to cover them.
"Its still true, you know," I said, putting my hand on her lower back, my other one clasped with hers. She smiled.
"Oh, its always been true for you, too, baby," she said, bringing her hand up from my shoulder to brush my cheek with the back of her fingers. "Ill always be here for you, Chase."
"So will I." I stared down into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. She was amazing and gorgeous, and mine. I still didnt understand it. I didnt care. To me it wasnt about understanding, or not understanding. It was pretty much black and white. I was with Dagny, long battle fought, I finally won.
"I want to spend my life with you," she said as our bodies slowly swayed together. Sway, sway. "I want you always to be with me, to share everything with you. You have given me so much, showed me so much of what life and love could be." She began to trace the features of my face.
"Love?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. She smiled, nodded slowly.
"Yes. Love. I love you, Chase." I stared at her, my heart leaping into my throat.
"You do?" She smiled and nodded.
"God, I love you, too." I pulled her to me, the music and dance forgotten.
"Say it again, Chase," she begged, her voice thick.
"I love you, Dagny. I love you so much." She clung to me as if for dear life. I buried my face in her hair, and realized in that moment that what I had been waiting for my entire life was right here. Joie was right, you move on and build your own life, make your own family. This was the person I wanted to do that with.
I pulled back from her a little, but just enough to look into her eyes, show her how much I loved her. I brought my fingers up to lift her chin slightly, my eyes trailing down to her mouth, the lips parted just a bit, a nervous tongue slipping out to run across a bottom lip. I looked back up to her eyes to see she was also looking at my mouth.
Killing the distance between us, I moved in a bit more until our lips barely touched, brushing together. Dagny took a step closer, our bodies melded together, her hands reaching up into my hair as the kiss deepened. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her ever closer, wanting her inside me, inside my spirit.
Dagny put her hands on the back of my head to bring my mouth closer, hers opening wider for me, taking me in. My hands began to grow restless, and started to move, feeling the texture of Dagnys shirt move beneath my fingers. They slid down her back to her butt, the sweat shorts she wore loose-fitting and soft. I took it into my hands, squeezing. Dag moaned, which turned my blood to lava.
I broke the kiss and leaned my head down, heading for a long, smooth neck. She raised her head for me, eyes closed as she gripped my shoulders. My mouth explored the planes and curves of her throat, my tongue tasting the salty skin.
"God, Chase," she groaned as I nipped the skin just below her ear with my teeth. She dug her fingernails into my skin. I took her earlobe into my mouth, which got me another groan and the slight thrusting of her hips. Oh, pay dirt. I sucked a little harder, running my tongue all along the edge until I found a soft little spot right behind where her hoop earring sat. "Jesus!" Her body jerked in response, and I did a little happy dance inside as she clung even harder, her hips trying to find some sort of purchase against me. My hands began to explore, feeling the smooth roundness of her butt, up her back, resting on her hips as my mouth continued, moving from ear to neck to throat to mouth.
Dagny reached down and grabbed my hand, placing it just at the bottom of the hem of her tee shirt. Taking my cue, I brought my hand slowly up, wiggling my fingers under the material to feel the hot skin beneath. If I didnt know better I would have thought she had a fever. Soon my other hand joined the first, feeling the skin of her stomach, running my fingertips over it then gliding up over ribs. My progress was stopped by the feel of the underwire of her bra. I sucked in a breath, knowing what was hidden just beyond that silky material.
I looked into Dagnys eyes, seeing what she wanted me to do. I knew by the intensity of those green eyes, she wanted it all. I leaned in and kissed her softly as my fingers began to play all along the edge of that bra, following the path around to her back where I felt the clasp. I didnt want to unhook it just yet. No, I wanted to torture her a bit first.
I brought my hands back around to her breasts, my fingers pushing over the underwire to the silkiness of the cups themselves. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back as I began to massage the skin, so full in my hands and against my fingers. I wanted to moan right along with her. God, the feel of them was incredible, and way beyond any daydream I could have ever had.
My finger explored around the breasts, beginning to form slow circles starting along the outside and moving in, around and around until finally I felt the hard nipple against my skin. Dagny sucked in a breath releasing with a groan. I was amazed at how hard they were and how large they had become. God, I wanted to see them. I grabbed the tee shirt, about to pull it over Dagnys head when a knock sounded at the door.
"What the hell?" Dags eyes opened, and she looked around. I quickly pulled my hands out from beneath her shirt, and looked at the door, as if that would tell me who the hell I had to kill. "Hang on," she called out, trying to get herself together again. "What on earth did you do to me?" she asked, leaning in for a smoldering kiss that left me rocking on my feet.
She walked to the door and unlocked it as I tried to get myself under control, get my breathing back in the galaxy. Carrie and Paul stood out in the hall when Dagny whipped the door open.
"Hey." Dag smiled. "What are you guys doing here?" Carrie smiled at her, then looked into the room to see me. Her eyes narrowed in on me as I wiped my mouth of the evidence of our kisses. A slow smile spread across her face with the dawning of realization.
"Hey, guys. I didnt expect to find you here, Chase. What a break."
"Yeah, we had called for you at home, but didnt get an answer," Paul said, seemingly oblivious to what his girlfriend had clearly figured out.
"We wanted to take you to a movie and out to eat." Carries eyes couldnt stay on just one of us, but kept bouncing back and forth. I knew the questions were burning a hole in her brain. Dagny turned to look at me over her shoulder.
"Chase? Interested?" Not really.
"Sure." I smiled, taking a step closer to grab Carrie. "Ive missed you." She came to me quite willingly, the hug deep and satisfying.
"You have a lot of explaining to do," she whispered in my ear.
"Later," I whispered back.
"Well, um, let me get changed." Dag headed for the bedroom.
* * *
The darkness seemed to fall all around me, the softness of her skin against me, her nails lightly tracing lazy patterns on my arm. The sound of heavy breathing, obviously female, was definitely getting to me, stirring my blood to a boil more then it already was. Just Dagnys mere presence was putting me in a tailspin, let alone any of the other sensations.
Finally, mercifully, the love scene came to an end, and the movie played on. Carrie leaned over to whisper in my ear.
"You alright there, Chase?"
"Bite me." I heard her laugh as she leaned against Paul again. I had managed to get Carrie away from Paul long enough to drag her to the bathroom and explain what had happened since school had ended. She had been excited for us, but wasnt sure whether to hug me or go kick my familys ass.
"God, I cant believe it. I never, ever thought your mom and dad could be such assholes, Chase. Im so sorry."
"It happens, I guess. What can you do?"
Now, sitting in the dark theater, I wanted nothing more than to drag Dagny to the bathroom and finish what we had started back at the apartment. As the movie, which ordinarily I would have enjoyed, droned on, my mind kept racing around to places where it really just shouldnt be. Dagnys nails on my skin did nothing to help matters. I looked over at her to be met with an evil gaze. She knew what she did and was doing to me.
"Enjoying the movie," she asked, leaning over to my ear. I gulped.
"Yeah, its great." She chuckled.
"Listen well talk, okay? Im so happy for you, Chase." Carrie said as she hugged me tightly outside of the apartment building. I nodded, hugging her just as tightly.
"Ive really missed you, Car," I said as we parted, too. She smiled.
"Bye, guys." With one more wave, Carrie and Paul climbed into his car, and drove off into the night. Dag and I made our way up the stairs, and finally into the apartment. Neither of us said anything as we headed for the bedroom and changed for bed. I put on my usual boxers and tee, and she her tank and panties. God, she was sexy.
"Part of me is glad they stopped by," she said, pulling the sheets back. We both climbed in.
"Yeah, me, too. It was good to see them, and Carrie had no idea what was going on."
"So I take it the bathroom trip was the explanation?" She grinned, scooting down in the bed. I grinned and nodded, moving in behind her to spoon. "Come here, you." She reached around to grab my hand, putting it on her stomach, just as always. Her hand reached back to lay on my thigh. We settled in, my face nearly buried in her hair as I loved the smell and feel of it, even if it did tickle my nose from time to time. Longer hair was definitely something I had to get used to. Mikes hair had been so short I barely remembered it was there.
Dagny pushed her butt out a little, which pushed into me. I ignored it, settling in, caressing her stomach a bit through her shirt before stilling my hand for sleep. My body was still wired, but I knew I could sleep it off. She scooted into me again. My brows drew, and I thrust my hips forward a bit. She pushed against me again, this time her hand moving on my thigh.
I closed my eyes, inhaling the smell of Dagny, her hair, her skin, her clothes. I let it all enter inside and fill me as my hand on her stomach responded to that on my leg. My thumb began to move back and forth. The heat that was coming to my hand through the shirt was unreal. Dagny pushed herself back into me even more, our bodies a hair apart.
I began to kiss Dagnys neck, slow, wet kisses across and down, finding my way to her ear again. Her breath caught and her fingers tightened almost painfully on the skin of my leg. I started to move my hand, rubbing her stomach, bunching the material of her shirt up in my hand only to release it. Dagnys own hand began to move, fingertips moving as far down my thigh as she could before moving back up and around, her palm resting on my butt, pushing and massaging.
I moved around a bit, licking down the side of her neck, her head moving on the pillow, arching her neck as much as she could for me. Her hand traveled up a bit until it was at the hem of my boxers, a single finger slipping underneath. I sucked in a breath as I wore nothing underneath. My stomach clenched, as well as my lower extremities.
My hand moved a bit further down her stomach, finding the end of her tank, and slipping a couple fingers beneath. I could feel her hip bone against my hand, her leg moving a bit as she continued to push into me, like a pulse. My fingers found the hot skin that had been burning me through the shirt, scorching me now. I rested my hand where it had been outside the shirt. Id work up to moving on.
Dags hand had moved a bit further up the leg of my boxers. I held my breath as her fingers, like snakes, slithered up my skin, making my heartbeat skyrocket. My hips jerked and I heard her chuckle, low and sexy. Okay, I can play, too. I moved my hand again, starting to kiss Dags neck again. I caressed the skin of her torso, moving my way up until I felt the round underside of her breasts. I closed my eyes, wanting to get lost in the feel of just that.
"Yessss," she purred. Feeling more confident by the second, my hand moved more, running my fingers along the curve, caressing, pushing and rubbing, working their way up. Dags hand had stilled, but her body had begun to move, arching, her back pressing against my breasts, her hand beginning to knead my skin, as my hand got closer and closer to that peak of heat.
My hand finally covered her entire breast, the hard nipple poking against my palm. We both moaned together at the contact. I opened my hand, rubbing my palm in circles over the nipple, the rigidity nearly tickling me. Dagny was really moving now, her butt pressed as far into me as she could, her body straining with her captive position. I took my hand from her breast, and started to work on her shirt. I wanted it off, wanted to see her finally.
Dagny helped me, lifting herself on her elbow so I could pull the tank off, and toss it to the floor. She was gorgeous, her skin seemingly flawless, smooth. The one window in the bedroom sent in a bright beam of moonlight, like a spotlight on us. Dagny turned toward me, her eyes locked on my face. Her hands reached down and tugged at my own shirt, which I gladly whipped off, throwing it to join Dagnys. We stared at each other, bare to the other one for the first time. Because of circumstances, I had seen Dagny in different states of undress over the last two years, but nothing I ever could have imagined to fill in the blanks could have prepared me for this. She was exquisite, what everyone with a heartbeat should crave and desire.
Dagny laid herself back down, pushing me onto my back, and sliding on top. The feel of skin on skin, our breasts pressing together, oh my god. I will never in a million years forget it. That alone nearly sent me over the edge. I could feel Dagnys wetness on my thigh.
Dagnys mouth went to mine immediately, and I wrapped my arms around her, my hands sliding up and down her bare skin, my legs automatically parting allowing for the fit of one of hers. She thrusted her hips down as I thrusted mine up, the sensation of the meeting incredibly intense. Our bodies began to move together as our mouths did, Dags hands cupping my face as the kiss got deeper, my hands wandering down to her butt, pushing her into me. I knew this wouldnt take long, my body screaming louder and louder with every thrust.
My head fell back, my eyes closed as my body let go, the pulsing in my veins spreading through my entire being. Dagny continued to thrust against me then she, too fell off with a cry. She collapsed against me, holding onto me tightly, almost afraid all would be lost again. Our breathing was the only sound in the room, hers hot against my neck, mine buried in her hair as I pressed her to me.
After a few moments, Dagny lifted herself up on an elbow, looked down at me. She traced my face, my neck and throat with a finger as her eyes followed the trail until they were settled on my breasts. I watched with almost baited breath as her fingers got closer and closer to my left breast, then to my surprise and delight, so did her mouth. Dagny kissed my breast first, then tentatively her tongue slid out, tasted the skin, then again, but this time a little closer to my nipple. The anticipation was torture, and I wanted to grab her and deposit her mouth directly on it. Finally, I threw my head back, my mouth open as a wet tongue licked across it, sending incredible sensations shooting throughout my entire body.
"God," I breathed, clutching the sheet in an iron grasp. Getting more confident, she brought her entire mouth down on it, sucking the taut skin into the wet warmth. My hips bucked as I groaned, long and breathy. Heaven, this has got to be Heaven. Id have to remember to ask Natalie if God was female, and if she looked like Dagny.
Hands began to explore as I was suckled, my body being caressed and seemingly worshipped. Then fingers found my other entirely over aroused nipple, and began to play, rolling it between fingers, tugged slightly. My hands found their way into Dagnys hair, pressing her against me. She moaned as she licked me followed by sucking noises.
Finally after what seemed an eternity, I felt my boxers being pulled. I looked down to see Dag kneeling over me, her fingers hooked into the waistband of the shorts on either side, tugging. I lifted my hips, and she pulled them down over my butt, down my legs, and off the bed. Laying naked, and feeling extremely vulnerable, I decided it was time to even things out. I indicated Dags panties, and she obliged, well, actually laid down so I could remove them. I sat up and followed her example, sliding them down her beautiful body, tossing them aside only to look at what was revealed to me. Yet again, I was left breathless.
Dagny gently pushed me down on my back again, and I pulled her with me, my hands on her hips, but she stopped herself, wanting to prolong the feel of our fully exposed skin touching. She knelt over me, hands on either side of my head, one knee between my legs. She looked down at me, her eyes burning into mine.
"I love you, Chase," she whispered. I ran my hands gently through her tangled hair, smiled.
"I love you, too, Dagny." She smiled, softly kissed me as she slowly lowered herself, starting with her breasts, then out from there. I closed my eyes as our bodies made full contact, our legs entwined, our breasts pressed together, everything lined up where it needed to be. She began to kiss my neck as she gently nudged my legs, wanting me to spread them. I did, and she fitted her small frame between them, pushing herself up to her elbows. She looked down at me as she slowly began to move against me. I smiled, she smiled back, and I began to move with her, pushing up against her as she pushed down, moving with me. I spread my legs a little more, opening myself up to her. She moaned as saw both my knees on either side of her moving body.
Our breasts rubbed against each other as she moved a bit faster, her body sliding easily against mine, bending down to kiss me. I put my hand on the back of her head to push her closer, our mouths working slowly along with her hips, but as I felt the ball of fire begin to form in my stomach and fall south, I deepened the kiss, intensified it, thrusting against her faster, my hands going to her butt, pushing her on, pushing her in. Finally Dagny raised herself up on her arms, pushing me to my limits until my head flew back, eyes closed, mouth open, I exploded. My entire body arched off the bed, my breasts pressed into Dagny as my fingers dug into the skin of her back.
"Yes, baby," she whispered as she kissed me, bringing me back from my forgotten world, into the present one with her. I tried to calm down my breathing, my body still pulsing. That had been the most incredible experience of my life. I looked into the face of my lover, her eyes burning, started on fire by watching me. I pushed her over, onto her back, and found her mouth, my hand exploring her body, touching everywhere, her breasts, finding the erect nipples, which my mouth watered to taste.
I bent down to do just that, my hand making its way down her stomach to wiry hair. Dagny sucked in a breath as my fingers played, her legs automatically opening for me, spreading apart to allow me all the room I wanted. I took a nipple into my mouth, letting my lips form around it, reveling in the sounds this was causing Dag to make. Her hands wound themselves in my hair as her breathing became heavy, husky. I kept my hand where it was, waiting for her to lead me. Within a few seconds she got the picture, and brought her hand down, gently placing her fingers on top of mine, placing them where she needed them, and showed me what she needed, moving our fingers together in a slow, circular motion. Her hand left, and I continued.
I held myself up with my free hand as I continued to suck on her breast, sucking the nipple in rhythmically, then running my tongue over it, then running my teeth over its length. I tried to pay attention to what her body told me, her breathing, her movements.
Dags hips began to move along with my hand, her movements speeding up, so did my hand. It did not take long, as she was completely drenched. My two fingers were completely covered as I rubbed faster and faster, my forearm feeling the pressure as I continued, Dagnys hips raising off the bed as her breathing turned to breathy moans and finally she was crying out. I raised my head from her breast to look at the magnificence of her body, every muscle straining as she was brought to climax.
"God, Chase!" she cried out, grabbed the back of my head to bring my face to hers. I kissed her with everything I had in me as she rode out the last of her tremors on my hand. She was part panting and part moaning into my mouth as I moved my entire body on top of hers, her thrusting herself against my thigh.
Finally she started to come down, her body relaxing, breathing evening out. I stayed where I was, body to body, our hearts beating together, arms and legs wrapped around each other.
"God," she breathed. "I had no idea." She gently stroked my hair, kissing the side of my head.
"Neither did I," I said, cuddling in closer, reveling in the feel of her and the memory of what we had just done. How could anyone possibly think this was wrong or a perversion? I had never experienced anything so pure. Maybe all those people out there needed to try it. Maybe my mother did.
It didnt take long before we both fell into a deep sleep, our bodies exhausted, our hearts and minds completely satisfied. I wrapped myself around Dagny, never letting her go.
* * *
The light came streaming through the window, spreading across the floor to climb up the mattress, caress the sheet with its brilliance, and shine right into my eyes.
With a groan I tried to squeeze them shut, but it did no good. I had been woken up, and usually after that its a lost cause. My lids fluttered open, and I turned so my back was to the window, and saw Dagny sitting up against the headboard, reading.
"Good morning," I said, an instasmile on my face. She looked at me, matching smile in place.
"Hey, you." She leaned down and kissed me. "How did you sleep?"
"Like the dead. Well, that is except for when we woke up off and on to have sex again." I grinned. "You?"
"Pretty much the same." I pushed myself up so I was sitting next to her when I realized I didnt have a stitch on. Dagny had my tee shirt on from the night before.
"Now, this isnt fair," I muttered, tugging at the hem of the shirt.
"What?" She looked down, then grinned. "Okay, fine." She reached down, and pulled the shirt off.
"Oh, yeah. Much, much better." I leaned over, laying my head on her breast. "What are you reading?"
"Let me see." She showed me the cover of the Lesbian Kama Sutra we had bought at the bookstore. I laughed as she started to read out loud.
I sat on the couch, the Advocate magazine I had bought at Antigones in my hands.
"Ill be right back, babe. Its after one in the afternoon and I havent even read the paper, yet." Dag hurried out the door to get the paper and the mail downstairs. As soon as the door closed, I grabbed the phone from the table. I was bursting at the seams and needed to talk to Carrie. I had never dialed seven numbers so quickly in my life, but at last, the phone began to ring.
"Hi, is Carrie there?"
"One moment, please." Carries dad handed the phone over to my friend.
"Hi!" I said, my voice high-pitched and chipper.
"Um, hi. Who is this?"
"Its me, Car. Damn, dont even recognize the voice of your best friend?"
"Hell no. Not when you sound like youve swallowed Disneyland." I grinned.
"How are you?"
"Im fine. Whats wrong?"
"Nothing. Why do you ask?" I glanced at the door, nothing.
"Come on, Chase. Ive known you for almost two decades. Spit it out it." Deciding I needed to talk or Id explode, I brought my hand to the receiver and whispered.
"We had sex last night."
"Yahoo!" I pulled the phone away from my ear, her shrill excitement too much for my tired headache. "No shit, really? Oh, man, that is beautiful! I cannot wait to tell Paul."
"No, Carrie. Please dont. Im not even sure if I was supposed to tell you."
"Where is she?"
"Hey baby." Dagny suddenly, almost magically appeared through the door, folded newspaper and mail in her hand. "Whos on the phone?"
"Um, no one." She looked at me, hands on hips.
"Hi, Dagny!" Carrie yelled, again, the phone being ripped from my head from the volume.
"Hello, Carrie." She walked over to the couch, and sat next to me.
"Way to go, Dag!" I looked at my lover, mortified.
"Carrie, I hate you and I have to go." I pressed the off bottom, and set the phone down, my eyes never leaving Dagny who stared at me, trying to hide a smile. "Im sorry, babe. I had to tell someone." She looked at me for a moment longer, then burst out laughing, taking me into a hug.
"God, I just love you." She smiled at me, kissing my nose. I grinned, thankful she wasnt going to fillet me for lunch.
"I love you, too."
"Oh, here. This came here for you." She grabbed an envelope from the table, and put it in my lap. "Im going to start the shower, join me?" I nodded, kissing her. She walked to the bathroom, and I studied the piece of mail. It had both our names on it, and my parents return address. With beating heart, I slid my finger under the flap and ripped it open. The ivory colored sheet inside was beautiful, with satin ribbons made into the paper. It was an invitation; a wedding invitation. Both Dagny and I were invited to Carla and Todds wedding in November.
I stood, still looking at it, then with a sigh, dropped it on the coffee table, headed for the bathroom.
Return to the Academy