Disclaimers: See Part 1
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Part 11 -
A few nights later, after the whole Alana thing was behind them, Karen officially broken ties with the Dickerson PR firm. Yes, the Alana thing had been curtailed. If that woman ever showed her face around those parts, she would not be welcomed at all. Moreover, she might even regret her visit after encountering some fierce opposition in the form of a fist! Karen was resolved. She hardly recognized herself. She was not only angry, but she was ready to ‘wack' this woman, if necessary, to get her out of the way. Karen was having her breakfast and looking at Addy. There was nothing she wouldn't do to defend her turf. Addy was right. If she had come across Alana, civility and Alana would have flown out the window for sure!
Mainly it was the personal feelings that were affecting her, but also there was the issue of professionalism. Neither one of them liked people who couldn't separate business from their personal lives. When it came to business, the Addy-Karen duo was all business. They had always been, and that is why professionally they had achieved so much.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because I love you.” Karen grinned.
Addy smiled, she knew that the Alana thing was still fresh on Karen's mind. She liked the idea that Karen was so defensive and protective of her.
Addy came around and kissed her. “I never realized you had this possessive streak in you, you know?” Karen froze. She thought she was in hot water again. Addy was very independent and Karen knew she hated when Luke thought of her as some sort of possession. She had tried to avoid making the same mistake.
Karen hardly knew what to say. It was true, just the thought of Alana thinking of Addy romantically infuriated her. She had never felt this way in her life before. She didn't think she was the jealous or the possessive type and yet here she was -- hating Alana for just looking at Addy. Oh God, what could she say in her defense when there was no defense? She remained quiet.
Addy smiled, realizing that Karen was caught in a jam. Karen was sitting on one of the kitchen stools. Addy took Karen's face in her hands. “It's funny. I don't mind your possessiveness.” She kissed Karen. Karen grabbed her by her waist and brought her closer. “I thought you hated it that kind of stuff?”
“I did. I don't now. I guess it's all a matter of who is claiming possession.” She grinned. Karen's heart skipped a beat. She could feel it now pumping at full blast. Her eyes were jumping around looking all over Addy's face trying to find answers. She found a question instead. “Wanna go upstairs and show me how much you want to possess me? No more was said. Karen took her hand and pulled her upstairs.
All had gone back to normal and life was following its normal course. The summer ended and now it was the fall tourist who was here and they wanted horseback riding, horse drawn carriages, apple cider, comfort food and fire pits by the pool with the local wineries bringing in their wines for tastings and for pairing with the restaurant's gourmet entrees.
Being innkeepers was a busy job. Especially because the Inn 's specialty was attention to detail. Addy wanted the guests to be pampered and not feel like they were paying for that little extra which was, in her own words, “what brings them back.” So, they talked to the guests every day to see what they liked or not and when possible they would cater to their wishes, even if unpaid. Addy believed that the customer was always right and that since they were paying handsomely for their stay at the Inn they deserved royal treatment.
The number one rule to the staff was: “assume that each and every one of our guests are the king and queen.” It wasn't long before the Inn acquired the reputation of treating the guests as royalty and the staff and guest began to call the Inn , the Royal Inn of Scotland. As so it was written in all the tourism books and web sites.
The Inn was always booked to capacity, even at the very premium rates it charged. The guests always thought that they got their monies worth. Even winters were booked. Everyone wanted to come and stay there. So, they had to come up with winter activities. They had murder mysteries, “Who Done It” games, and they had musicians come to play in the evenings. The Inn was fun and romantic year round.
The women had been in the living room, one reading, the other browsing her tablet. When it was time to go to bed, Karen asked Addy if she was coming up.
“In a little while, you can go upstairs if you want to, I'd like to finish this chapter before I go to sleep.” She noticed that Karen didn't go upstairs. Instead she stayed in the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher. Later she came back to the living room and sat down again to continue to browse her tablet.
Addy looked at her and wondered why Karen had changed her mind about going to sleep, but said nothing. When Addy finished reading, she announced that she was going up. Karen immediately followed her. It was as if Karen had been waiting for her to come up. Once upstairs, Karen locked the door at the top of the staircase and turned on the alarm system. When they rebuilt the cottage, Karen had not only had a very sophisticated alarm system installed, but she also insisted on having a door at the top of the staircase that they could lock. Upstairs, in the alcove where the laundry was located, there was a small refrigerator and microwave, so that once they were upstairs there was no need to go back downstairs to the kitchen to find something to eat. They had all sorts of snacks and things to eat upstairs. Karen said that the reason for the door upstairs was for safety and also to keep the upstairs warmer.
As they were going to bed that particular night Addy wondered what all the fuss was about with the safety issue.
“Ker, I've never understood why we need an alarm system, or to have the door upstairs locked or even to have a door there. Most people don't have a door at the top of their stairs, you know!”
“Addy, one can never be too safe. I've told you before. We are a couple of women living alone and……”
“Yeah, Ker, but everyone knows us and the Inn is right around the corner, I just don't see the point. I just never say anything because this is apparently important to you. Just like this thing about checking all the windows and doors every night. I mean, I used to do that in my other life, because of the kids because they slept in different rooms, but you and I sleep together and I just don't see the point. I think you take all this to another level.”
“Addy, what is wrong with wanting to keep us safe?” Karen was getting a little edgy and Addy noticed.
“Nothing, Ker. I just wanted to know why you make such a big deal of it. But it's okay. I'm good with being safe.”
All became quiet. However, Addy could feel Karen's uneasiness. Neither one could fall asleep. Addy couldn't fall asleep because she could feel Karen's vibrating body, it was like an engine that wouldn't turn off. After some time, Karen sat on the bed and raked her hair back. She looked at Addy and thought she was asleep. She wasn't. She remained quiet to see what Karen was doing. She looked at the clock. It was 2 AM, exactly two hours since they had gone to bed.
Karen sat on the edge of the bed for a while looking to the wall and raking her hair anxiously. She got up and put on her robe. She walked over to the window and looked out. She was restless. She was uneasy. She covered her face with her hands. She then leaned against the window frame and looked down and out the window and everywhere, as if looking for answers.
Addy kept watch from the bed. She said nothing. She just watched. Karen was startled when she heard Addy's voice, speaking very softly, very gently.
“Maybe when you are done talking to the window, you can come and talk to me.”
“You are awake?” Karen's voice sounded anguished, surprised, upset.
“Yes, I never went to sleep. I've been waiting.”
“For what?” Once again Karen's voice was edgy.
“For you. For you to talk to me.” Addy spoke softly, gently, lovingly.
Karen couldn't keep it together anymore. Addy knew that Karen's defense mechanisms were up. She also knew that Karen would never hold up with her. Karen knew this also. That's why sometimes she avoided subjects with Addy. She knew that when faced with her there was no defense possible. This was one of those situations. Karen had reached the rim of the cup and she was about to pour over.
“Come here, Ker.” A couple of seconds earlier it appeared as if Karen was about to scream in anger and all of a sudden she looked like a sad little puppy who couldn't bear the burden of her own thoughts. Karen came close to the bed. Addy could see her anguish look. It only took a few words.
Addy ran her fingers by Karen's face, and she spoke, almost in a whisper. “What is it, baby. Tell me.”
Karen's face was full of anguish. She was already in tears, by the time Addy finished her sentence. She was more than in tears. She was in a sort of panic cry, sobbing and almost unable to control her body. Her emotions were getting the best of her. Karen was crying like a child, like a terrified child, convulsing, hiccupping. She was soaked in an endless, uncontrollable, inconsolable stream of tears. Addy held her and let her cry, kissing her head and holding her as tight as she could.
“Ker, I want to know, I need to know what is it that pains you so that you cannot share it even with me.”
Karen nodded in the negative. She was not going to share it.
“Karen, I love you and whatever it is not going to change how I feel about you.”
Karen continued to nod.
“Ker, I need you to share this with me! Ker I want to share this pain with you. You need to tell me, baby, you have to. I need to know how to make things right for you.”
“You can't, no one can, it's been so long, so long…” She cried even harder now. Addy was crying too. “Baby, I cannot see you like this! Tell me, please tell me!”
“You'll hate me when you know. I've never told anyone. I couldn't! I can't!”
Addy held at arms length. “Yes, you can and you will tell me right now.” Addy was firm and had a commanding tone about her. She had particularly emphasized the “me” part.
All of a sudden Karen couldn't hold it in anymore. Karen looked at her. “Addy, my mother was murdered.” Addy gasped as Karen bent over torn in pain. Her cries and squeals were more than Addy could take and soon Addy was crying as well.
“Oh my God, Ker! I didn't know…..how? What happened?” Addy's pain seeing Karen like this and hearing what she had just said was overwhelming.
Karen lost it and dropped to the bed and then the floor, unable to bear even the weight of her body. “It was my fault, Addy….” Karen cried inconsolably on the floor. Addy followed her down to the floor and wrapped herself around her, holding her as if to prevent her falling into some sort of abyss that had just opened at her feet. Addy closed her eyes almost wishing the she could alleviate some of Karen's pain by taking it on herself.
Karen continued. “I left the door open…..that's how he got in….” Karen was almost convulsing from the state of emotion she was in. Addy continued to hold her, she was crying also. This pain was too much. Karen was beyond consolation. Addy kept repeating in her mind -- The doors, the dam doors, that's why she is always checking doors! She is afraid that the same thing would happen again. And it's me she's worried about!
Addy rubbed her back and her hair. “Oh my God, baby, baby, my baby….” She held her and kissed her not knowing what else to do to comfort her. She pulled her up to see her face. Karen's face was red, her eyes bloodshot. Her face totally covered in tears. Her hair was in total disarray. Addy combed her hair back and kissed her frantically, both their tears mixing. Finally Karen embraced her, holding on to her as her last bastion of hope or redemption.
“Ker, we need to talk about this. You and me, as we always talk about everything. You and I are one, baby, you are part of me and I want to talk about this with you. We need to! We always talk about everything, baby. We need to talk.”
Karen nodded. Addy began to speak.
“Ker, how do you know it was you who left the door open? It could have been your dad. It could have been anyone! Maybe the man broke in! Tell me what happened.”
“No, I was mad, when I left for school, it was me!” She continued to cry.
“Ker, how old were you when this happened?”
“Thirteen.” Karen's face was swamped with tears and saliva and mucus. Addy covered her mouth with her hand. Addy grabbed the bed sheet and dried Karen's face, as Karen continued her endless crying and wailing.
“Ker, listen to me! ….. Did you ever talk to anyone about this?”
Karen nodded in the negative. “I've always felt so guilty and so ashamed, Addy…”
“Oh, God, baby, you've carried this on your shoulders all your life, oh my God! Oh my God! No more… this stops tonight. Look at me! Addy was very commanding. She had taken control of the whole situation.”
Karen looked at her. “You don't know this for a fact. You just assumed all of these because you felt guilty, but you don't know it for a fact! A million things could have happened from the time you left for school and when it happened…! Look at me. Think about it, lots of things could have happened. You weren't there. You don't know!” Karen thought for a minute. This was true. The time of death had been some time in the afternoon. In fact, when Karen came back from school she found the whole drama of the police and the crime scene going on.
“You assumed it was you because you used the door when you left, but you cannot be 100% sure that no one used that door after you left!” This was also true.
Karen was beginning to calm down. At least the sobs were subsiding. Unbelievable as it sounded, in all these years, for the first time, she was allowing herself to doubt whether it had truly been her fault. Addy could see the beginning of something here, she had to think quick! She had created the doubt in her mind, now what? She needed to build up.
“Karen, your mother loved you, right?”
Karen cried a little bit and nodded in the affirmative. “Do you think she would want to see you blame yourself for her death all your life?”
Karen nodded in the negative. “Karen, mothers like to see their children happy.”
“She wanted you to be happy. The way I see it, you have a double task in your life. You have to be happy for you and for your mother. You were her life and you owe her your happiness. Can't you see this? Forget the past, forget what happened, or how it happened and think what is it that you are going to do about it for her! For her, Karen for her! Look at you, you became what she wanted you to become. That's why she left you all that money in that trust fund. You did it! You did what she wanted.”
Tears were still running down Karen's face, but she looked a bit more upbeat now.
“You are her creation and her glory, you are her life. She lives through you! You owe her to move past all those thought of guilt and move on and be happy. You have to make her proud! It's what she would have wanted! She wouldn't have wanted you to be unhappy blaming yourself for something no one really knows how it happened! You have no idea. No one knows what really happened…or wait? Did the police ever file a final report?”
“I don't know.”
“What?! You don't even have the facts from the police? We are going to need to find out!”
“Addy. I don't know about that….”
“Yes, we are! I'm getting to the bottom of this!”
Karen smiled somewhat. Oh lord! Have mercy on the police department of Edinburgh !
“This is ending. What happened was not your fault and I need you to take those thoughts out of your head. Haven't you ever heard the expression ‘shit happens'? It does! Why do things happen? How come that man was there on that particular day, how come he picked your house to enter? How come she was there? No one has answers to those questions. Awful things happen and no one can be blamed. No one!” They remained on the floor for an endless amount of time. Karen's sobs slowly subsided as Addy gently stroke her back and placed kisses on her head, as she reassured her of her love. “I love you, baby, and I don't want to see you hurting like this. Come on, let's make us some herbal tea.”
They went to the alcove where they kept all their snacks and their microwave and refrigerator, made tea, and went back to the sitting area of their bedroom to drink it. They sat on the sofa. Addy cradle Karen in her arms. They talk for a little. “Starting tomorrow night, we are both checking the doors together. Don't ask me why we are going to do it that way. But that's the new house rule. Karen chuckled. “Another rule?”
“Yes, the Bible is going to be a pocket book when I'm done with all the rules for this house!” Addy chuckled.
“I think we are going to have to write them down to keep track and not forget them.”
“Don't worry baby, I'm flexible.”
Karen chuckled. “Thanks.”
“I don't know why you are thanking me. You are not alone anymore. You will never be alone again. In happiness and in pain, we are in this together. Please, don't ever keep anything from me again. I love you, and I want for us to share everything, the good and the bad. We belong to each other Ker, with all the good and all the bad in our lives. We are one, we will forever be one. And yes, I said forever. I now believe in forever because I want one, with you.” She kissed her. Karen surrendered to the warmth and the immense love she felt in the arms around her. She was truly where she belonged. She at last felt peace in the depth of her soul. Her heart was full. He eyes hurt and she felt tired.
Her head was pressed against Addy's chest. She kissed Addy's neck as she came up to kiss her lips. “I love…”
Addy hugged her and kissed her everywhere she could plant a kiss. “I know, sweetheart, I love you too. Let's go to bed and lay down. We need some rest.”
Once in bed, Karen held on to her. Her mind was wondering. Maybe she's God's way of telling me that I've been forgiven. It's got to be! He couldn't have possibly brought her into my life if he hadn't.
Addy held her, as if by so doing, she could make the world right for her, as if she could cleanse her soul and restore her peace. Little did she know that she was exactly doing that!
Addy could feel the tension in Karen's body slowly giving way, as she surrender to sleep and the tender caressing of her hands.
That very same week, they received a call from Melanie. They had always stayed in touch, but had not seen each other in quite some time.
“Mel, so glad to hear from you! How are you doing?”
“Listen you two, I have a conference in London and thought I would swing by and see you guys. Do you have room at the inn to put me up?”
“Hey Mel, with such short notice, we don't have room at the Inn, but we have an extra bedroom in the cottage. It's small and doubles as our office, but it does have a nice day bed and its own bathroom, so yes, we can definitely put you up.”
“Would that be okay with Addy?”
Karen chuckled “Mel wants to know if she stays her with us?”
“Here, let me have the phone. Why wouldn't it be, Mel? We'd love to have you.”
“Okay, then. I should be done in London Wednesday afternoon, so I'll call you and let you know my flight details to Edinburgh.”
Addy thought that Melanie's visit was God sent. A real blessing. She needed professional advice on how to deal with Karen's matter. This was perfect.
The problem was that she didn't know if she should tell Karen to talk to Melanie about all this, or talk to Melanie herself without telling Karen. In Addy's rules of trust, this was the unthinkable. She was going to have to talk to Karen about approaching Melanie for advice. She thought of the two possible outcomes. One Karen would agree and that would be the end of that, or two Karen would refuse and then she would have to figure out what to do. She had definitely resolved that this was a very important thing for Karen and going behind her back didn't seem right. On the other hand, she also felt that professional advice was needed. So, she decided to talk to Karen.
“Ker, we need to talk.”
Karen pursed her lips. “What about?”
Something you are not going to like, but that needs to be dealt with.”
Karen was attentive. “Shoot.”
“First, don't yell at me, second be reasonable.”
Karen hardly knew what to say to these requests. She was getting a little nervous and at the same time she almost wanted to smile. She liked the way Addy always ‘couched' things.
“Our talk the other night, remember what I said about us being one? We are one.” Addy nodded in the affirmative for emphasis. “I feel that that we need some guidance….”
“You want me to talk to Melanie about it now that she's coming.”
“Oh God, thanks! I didn't know how I was going to say it, Ker, but I think you really should. I mean, I said what I said and all, but I'm not a professional and I don't know what needs to be said or done, and I feel that since we have such a good person that we know …..”
Karen came close and stopped her talking with a kiss.
“You'll do it?”
“Yes, if this is what you want, but only if you are there with me.”
“Of course I will Ker, I will be there for you. I will always be there for you. Thanks baby, thanks!”
They held each other. Addy could feel Karen's heart pounding. She knew this was very difficult for Karen. It was difficult for her too, but it needed to be done. Karen needed to talk about this with someone who would help her cope.
They picked up Melanie at the airport and were thrilled to see her. “So is everything okay, with you guys?”
Karen spoke first. “Perfect, the Inn is doing well and all is fine.”
“Karen, don't you see what she's asking?”
Karen looked at Addy with a questioning look.
“Don't you know that all these psycho folks want to know about is how is the sex?! Why don't we just tell her right off and that way she'll get the scoop and can enjoy her visit?”
Karen's face turned all sorts of red.
Mel was laughing so loud she thought she would choke. “Oh, my God, Karen, I never thought I see the day when I saw you blush on the subject of sex! It must be amazing!”
Karen couldn't believe this display of emotion coming from Mel, who was always a quiet subdued person.
“Okay, Mel. I know little red riding hood here is not going to talk. I know that, so I might as well do all the talking on the subject. Yes, the sex is amazing! I still don't know if I'm gay or not, but I can surely tell you that this woman is hot and she turns me on big time!”
Mel continued to laugh, Karen continued to blush even a darker shade of red, if such a thing was possible.
“Addy I think you are going to have to drive, Karen there seems to be having problems trying to think straight!” Melanie was having a great time at Karen's expense.
“Babe, do you want me to drive?”
“You two are going to pay big for this! When are you leaving, Mel?”
They were all laughing as they drove to the cottage. Addy doing most of the talking, Karen most of the smiling, and Mel all of the listening and laughing. She never lost track of the dynamics between the two women. There was a lot of chemistry there, a lot of the best kind of chemistry. Melanie was beyond thrilled seeing how well they interacted and got along.
When they arrived, Addy had a call from the Inn. She had to take it. This gave Mel an opportunity to be alone with Karen. “You are happy, I can see it. It's all over your face! My God, Karen, how you pulled this one off is unbelievable. I don't need to ask. I'm thrilled looking at you guys!”
“She's unbelievable, Mel. She's the one working miracles around here. I'm happy, Mel like I've never been in my entire life.”
“I'm so glad you finally found your other half, Karen.”
“How about you? Anything on that front?”
“Nope. I'm the eternal spinster, I suppose.”
Addy came back. “Don't worry, the fort is holding. Ker, get some wine and open up a few munchies while I cook us some dinner.”
Karen followed the instructions given. Mel sat on one of the stools near the kitchen island. She was Karen's best friend, but she enjoyed Addy so much, sometimes she'd forget that Karen was even there. It was all fine with Karen. Anyone was welcome to join in the adoration of her goddess.
They were sitting out on the patio, after dinner drinking their coffees. Karen was telling Mel about all the happenings. “So, first we had every possible thing happen rebuilding the cottage, then the same thing with the Inn, then it was the trouble with the town's people. It was one thing after another. Sometimes I think it's a miracle we are still here!”
“It's fate. This was all meant to be.”
“What makes you say that Addy?
“It was one of those things, one of those feelings you get and you know it will be so. When we came here to visit and Karen showed me the cottage for the first time, I had this feeling that I had been here before, that I belonged here with her. There is something about this place that says ‘home' to me.”
“And you didn't have this feeling over there in the Watergate apartment?”
“No. Whatever it is, it's here. Something good is to happen here.”
“And it has!” Karen declared. She went to the kitchen to bring the pot of coffee.
Mel looked at Addy. Addy looked at Mel.
“Why are you looking at me?”
“I have this feeling that all has not happened here yet.” Mel commented.
“Life is long, Mel, and wonderful things can happen at any moment, miracles too.”
“I don't have a clue of what you are talking about, but I know that if anyone can work miracles with that one, it's you. I'm also sure that what ever else happens here will add to this happiness you already have.”
“From your lips to God's ears, Mel.” Addy smiled.
Karen came back, I made more coffee. I plan on us talking all night!”
“Ker! You don't know how long a day Mel had, maybe she's tired.”
“Don't worry about me. I went to med school. I can stay up all night!”
They went to sleep around 2 AM.
“Don't worry, Mel, we will skip all the sex tonight. We don't want to disturb you with all the noise.”
Mel laughed. She knew Addy was teasing Karen who was again rolling her eyes and turning pink.
Addy came over from behind and wrapped her arms around Karen. “Would you have ever believed this?” She kissed Karen on her neck right in front of Mel.
“Nope. But, I always thought that whenever she found her other half, she would be wonderful. I'm glad to see that I was right. Goodnight ladies!”
“Good night. Holler if you need anything.”
The next morning they gave Mel the grand tour, went horseback riding, had dinner at the Inn's restaurant and then in the evening they settled in the living room in front of the fireplace chatting and laughing.
It was then that Addy initiated the tough conversation. “Mel when you called a few nights ago nothing made me happier, not only because we got to see you, but because your visit coincided with an event that we want to share with you. Preamble apart, let me just say, it's a psycho thing, so please start us a tab and confidentiality.”
“Oh, come on, Addy, we are all past that here. You get the confidence and no bill, so shoot! Who's the patient? Or is this a group thing?”
Karen was about to open her mouth to say she was the patient, but Addy preempted her. “We are the patient, Mel. And just to clarify and get it out of the way, since you know I don't like to beat around the bush, this is not a sexual thing.”
Mel was now intrigued. “We are the patient because this is how we operate. We are a couple and we act as one. If I have a problem, it's Karen's problem and the same applies the other way around. We are one, Mel, and that is why we are both here.”
“But it has to do with me.” Karen interjected. “Addy thought I should talk to you, so I asked her to be present.”
“Okay, since we have established the group thing, let's talk.”
Addy began. Mel was immediately captured by the dynamics.
“A couple of nights ago, we had gone to bed already. Karen got up because she was not sure of whether she turned on the house alarm. I happened to questioned why we had an alarm system so sophisticated when we live in a town where nothing ever happens and I also asked her about why she is always fussing about checking doors and safety in general. Well she brushes me off with a ‘you can never be too safe, blah, blah, blah' and she comes back to bed. I'll spare you the details but we sleep kind of close to each other, so all along I could sense Karen's tension and the way her body was simply vibrating. I said nothing because I know this happens when she's upset and what I always do…”
She looked at Karen with a knowing smile. Karen smiled back. “Is to wait for her to come around and tell me what's bothering her, because I know she will. That night, however, it didn't happen. That made me worry even more. Still, I didn't go to sleep and I lay there just waiting. Time passed and she got up. She was restless, upset and very troubled. So, after a while I spoke. She was surprised that I was awake and I think even more surprised when I told her that I was waiting for her to talk to me. Then she did. She cried, I cried, we had a long talk, and I think she will be fine, but still I would like her to tell you what she told me and we would like your opinion.”
Mel was looking at Addy in pure marvel. “Okay, Karen, what's going on?” Karen retold the story. Mel was all ears. When Karen was done, Mel spoke.
“I'd like to thank you both for thinking that my professional advice was needed here. I will be glad to give it, because you've asked me, but I'm not really needed. This is a closed case already.” Addy and Karen looked at each other. They weren't getting it.
Mel continued. “I don't know if you guys have seen what has just happened here. Obviously your dynamics here today are not the same as on that particular night, but I'm willing to bet that no psychiatrist could have provided what you provided, Addy.”
“What?” Addy was confused.
“You two are so incredible, you don't even know what you have going for you! Addy you made her talk. You made her tell you what she had not dared to tell anyone in 30 years! For God's sake! The minute Karen talked about it, the minute she unraveled her guilt and her shame to you, and the very minute you held her and gave her comfort Karen freed herself. Not only that, but by also creating the doubt in her mind and reassuring her that maybe she was not the one who left the door open, you further helped her to free herself from her guilt. It was important that she tell someone, but she never did. So why now? Simply because the most important thing was that she could tell you.”
Karen started to cry. Addy held her. Karen got it. She knew it all the time. Addy didn't get it, yet.
Even Mel was about to cry. Addy couldn't help herself when she said, “oh, God, it doesn't look good when the psychiatrist cries!” They all ended up laughing!
“No, Addy. It's just that you guys are so beautiful together! Addy, in hiding her guilt, Karen, has been wanting an absolution, a forgiveness. She's been waiting for a redemption …but who could forgive her? Who would possibly do such a thing?”
Addy replied. “God?” Karen looked at her then at Mel.
“Exactly!” Mel smiled. She could hardly speak.
Addy had a real funny questioning look. Karen smiled as she looked at her and then at Mel.
“Addy. Who is the next best thing to God for Karen? Who is her everything? Addy, you gave Karen all she needed!” Karen covered her mouth to suppress her emotions. Addy held her in her arms. They held each other for a long time. Addy was now shaking also.
Mel had to get up and walk away. Emotionally, the scene was too much. Mel was not only aware of the situation at hand, but she was at the same time realizing that Addy was Karen's world and life. She could hardly believe that her ‘player' friend could have fallen so deeply, hopelessly and so beautifully for this wonderful, adorable woman. Mel came back with a box of tissues she picked up in the bathroom. Everyone wiped their noses and eyes.
“If I ever hear that you guys are breaking up, I will stop believing in love and I will fuck every woman in my path! I swear!” They all laughed. “And if you ever tell anyone I cried on a session, forget the freebies…I will charge you double!” They were all laughing again.
“So Karen, what Addy said is totally right. No one knows what happened, or why. You cannot carry that burden on your shoulders. No one knows the reason for that unfortunate event. Your job, also well defined by Addy, is to continue living as your mother would have wished you to live. I don't think she ever knew you were gay, right?
“She knew I was different, but she liked it.”
“So, you would have come out to her and she would have accepted you, much like Aunt Charlotte did.”
“Stupid question here, but do you think she would have liked Addy?”
Karen grinned from ear to ear, amidst her teary face, when she looked at Addy. “She would have loved her.”
“Well, here's your arduous mission. I think that your mother would have wanted you to be happy and to make the person you love happy. Do you think you can do that?”
“Are you kidding? You've got to be?!”
Addy spoke next. “I'm thinking it's time to find another psychiatrist, this one is too prejudiced!” They laughed. Addy was smiling.
Karen got up. “I'll be right back. I need to go to the bathroom.”
Addy spoke quickly to Mel. “Sometimes it scares me that she makes me her everything, Mel.”
“You are her everything, Addy.” Mel pursed her lips.
Melanie looked at Addy. Why was Addy worried about being Karen's everything? Shouldn't she be happy?
Before Karen came back, Addy blurted out, “what if something was to happen to me? What would be of her?”
Melanie now understood Addy's concern. “You can't live worrying about that, Addy. You have to live and let God guide you through life as he has until now. You will find your way. Enjoy each other. You have something very precious. God will guide your way. Have faith.”
Karen came back and they all started to talk.
While Melanie, was visiting, Addy took advantage of Karen's distraction and secretly contacted Phillip Tidwell, the lawyer, in London. She asked him to look into the police investigation of Karen's mother. She specifically told him how delicate the matter was and that he was to only contact her with whatever he found. Addy was hoping for positive results or for no results, but she didn't want to risk Karen knowing just in case the results didn't come back all that positive. After all, the purpose of pursuing the investigation was to put closure to Karen's guilt and not to make her feel worst about it.
A few days later, Mel was going back to the States. “Okay, Mel, your bag is already on the plane. When will we see you again?”
“Soon, I hope. I really like it here. Maybe I'll move here and be close to you guys!”
They said their goodbyes. Mel was really happy when she looked back and saw Addy grabbing on to Karen's arm.
As they were walking to the car, Addy spoke. “Hey, I have a question for you?”
Addy chuckled. “Do you think that we get along so well because we have such an intimate relationship. I mean the way we sleep with no….?”
“Addyyyy! Sssssh!! What kind of question is that? And so out of the blue? People might hear you!”
Karen made a real funny face. Addy laughed. “Aren't you always accusing me of being the paranoid one?”
“Yes, but look where we are! In the airport, surrounded by people….can't we wait to at least get to the car to talk about this?”
Addy rolled her eyes and agreed in a condescending tone. “Okay…”
Addy liked the fact that Karen was so proper in public. In private, she was like a little puppy looking for love and always all over her, but in public, she would have made Mother Theresa proud.
When they got to the car, Karen spoke. “Where did that question come from? Why are you asking?” She was also grinning. She couldn't help it because Addy came up with the most absurd things sometimes, and she just couldn't help laughing.
Karen was in the driver's seat. She always drove when they were together, unless Addy had some specific reason for taking over. Driving was one of Karen's control things. Addy didn't mind, although she thought Karen drove too slow. However, it was probably safer too. She sometimes thought that Karen wouldn't let her drive because she drove too fast and felt unsafe. At times, Karen would pat her thigh to indicate that slowing down was needed, or would ask if there was any hurry or use some indirect way to let Addy know that she needed to slow down.
Karen felt better when she drove, although she recognized that if there was a need for fast driving, she'd trust Addy over anyone else. She thought Addy drove fast, but not unsafe. Addy was a very defensive and focused driver. When she drove it was like having a race car driver at the wheel. It was just the road and her. She was totally in tune with her surroundings and was in total command of the vehicle. Her eyes and all her senses focused totally on the road. She was so focused that she hardly even blinked. The downfall was that at that degree of attention and precision, she couldn't drive long distances because according to her she would become “hypnotized” by the road. She also didn't like driving at night claiming that she couldn't see well enough.
“I don't know, Ker, I was just wondering why we have such a great relationship. Why can't we talk about it?”
“Okay, what about it?”
“Well we are very intimate! You can't deny that! Karen chuckled.
“What's so funny?”
“So you are saying that we only make love because of the way we sleep? Meaning that if we didn't, we wouldn't?”
Addy straightened up in her seat and looked at her. “Nah, I don't think so. We would anyways.”
Karen continued to laugh.
“What's so funny?”
“Just thinking, say you had ten layers of clothes on when you came to bed, would that stop me from….”
Addy was looking to the road and smiling. “Okay, okay! You've made your point.”
“Also, let's say that Mary, for example, was to lay totally naked next to you on a bed, would you make love to her?”
“Oh my God, Karen! Of course not! What a horrible thought! I may not be able to sleep tonight!”
Karen was laughing so much she almost choked. “Addy, we don't make love because we sleep naked! We make love because we love each other, because we are crazy about each other and we and enjoy each other. Our relationship is not based on sex!”
“Yeah, you are right.”
“Do you think Carol and Mary have our kind of intimacy??” Addy started to laugh.
Karen chuckled picturing the visual in her mind. Preempting any possibilities, Karen in a joking tone warned Addy. “I don't know and, Ms. Adriana Marcos, you are not going to ask them, or tell them to do so because that would improve their relationship or anything like that!! Is that clear?!”
“Yes, ma'am! Do not worry about that! Not me! Don't want to mess with Mary, no way!”
Addy remained thoughtful. “Do you think we'll always be like this?”
“I think it's like what you said the other day, about not taking things for granted. I know that I will keep our flame burning, if you do the same, we have a pretty good chance. I think.”
Addy looked at her. “Baby, as long as those eyes look at me like they do now, this flame is going to beat the Olympic torch!”
Karen grinned and all of a sudden became very serious. “Addy? Do you think you can provide road assistance?”
Addy looked at her in surprise, but smiling. She bit her lower lip. “Really? Sure! I'm sure I can beat AAA!”
Karen chuckled as she pulled off to the side of the road, it was beginning to get dark already. Addy's words had caused her insides to stir in such a way that she didn't think she could wait to get home.
The bucket seats were not going to make this easy. So, Addy gave the order.
It was definitely going to be more comfortable back there. She locked the doors, and quickly moved to the back. The windows in the back were tinted so this was so much better. Addy was already waiting for her when Karen leaned against her.
“Oh, Addy, hurry!”
“Come here, baby, let me check under your hood and check your oils!”
Karen chuckled. She could never believe the things Addy came up with, AAA, looking under the hood and the oils! Karen had already unzipped her pants, so Addy immediately slid her had under her panties. Karen was more than ready and Addy immediately provided the much needed comfort. “Ker, you are so….”
“Oh, God, Addy what you do to me… there baby! Oh God!”
Just about then, Karen was having visions of stars exploding in her eyes. She was panting and limp in Addy's arms as she rode the waves of her orgasm. Addy was about to retreat her hand, when Karen stopped her. “Don't keep it there a little longer.”
Addy smiled as she whispered on Karen's ear. “Okay. Ummm, I like it there.” As she spoke she could still feel Karen's contracting muscles. “Oh Addy!”
“Do we go for seconds, or do we get home first?” Karen lay in Addy's arms unable to move.
“Home. But don't move just yet.”
After a little while. Addy spoke. “Baby, you okay now?”
Karen sort of composed herself as Addy came and kissed her neck.
“Addyyyyyy! Don't do that now….you'll get me going again!”
Addy chuckled. “Here, let me drive, I don't think you are in condition to take the wheel.”
Addy got into the driver seat while Karen moved to the passenger seat, after zipping up her pants. Once in the seat, she leaned back to rest and recover.
“Karen grinned. “Never better.”
Addy started the car and looked at the limp woman on her side. “That good, huh?”
Karen didn't answer she just smiled from ear to ear.
“Aren't you glad you joined AAA?” Addy took off. The road was hers. She was exhilarated. She felt enormously satisfied knowing that she could stir such passion in this gorgeous woman, and that she could also deliver the goods!
Karen chuckled as she turned her head towards Addy loving what she saw. She closed her eyes as she felt Addy's hand on her thigh. If I die now, I die a happy woman!
To be continued in Part 12
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