Copyright Disclaimer: The characters and
story are a work of fiction. They do not resemble anyone living or dead and if
they do that's just a coincidence! All characters are my own and I love them
just the way they are! The song "
Hurt/Comfort Warning: This is a hurt/comfort story involving two women in love and a separation that follows, if this is against your religion or illegal where you are do not read further.
Feedback: Any comments send to: Laststarlite@yahoo.com.
Ren placed the flowers in front of Emily's
headstone and brushed away some tears. It was Em's birthday which Ren never
missed; she always felt that Em' was with her when she visited but it was
sometimes too painful for Ren to go and see her grave, it reminded her that
she'd never see Em' again. Sitting down on her blanket beside the grave, she
grabbed her guitar out of its case and got settled. She had been practicing the
song for a while and knew she could sing it in the way it was meant to be sang,
even if she didn't have the best vocal abilities.
Strumming the beginning cords, she could feel the music deep in her heart and soul. It was like a balm and relaxed her while she let her memories of her life with Emily run unbidden.
"Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds true bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you......"
She smiled and let her tears come down her cheeks remembering all that had happened and then the day she'd heard this song; how it had helped her and made her understand.
Ren sat off to the side of the bed with her head in her hands. The steady beep of monitors and hiss of a ventilator kept taunting her. It seemed like each hiss was saying "yessss" and it made her angry. This wasnít supposed to happen Ren thought, but it was happening and there was nothing she could do about it.
She'd received the phone call two days ago, Emily's brother Steven had rushed to tell her that Em' had been in an accident and that he was heading to the hospital, wanting to know if she'd go with him. Some person had run a red light and hit Em' while she was on her bike. She'd only been four blocks from their apartment.
It had surprised Ren that the hospital had called Steven but then she realized that he was the main contact and would have power of attorney as her only living relative. It was one of those things that neither of them had gotten around to and instead of being at her side immediately; she'd had to hear the news second hand from someone who hated her. Well to say he hated her was an understatement since he believed that Ren had "converted" his baby sister. But he wasn't a fool and had seen first hand how much the two loved each other. He knew his baby sister would never forgive him if Ren didn't go to the hospital, so he had contacted her and that's how they ended up where they were. Sitting in ICU watching Em' hoping she would wake up, but it didn't look like that was in the cards. Ren took her hands away from her face and gazed at her love. Ren had filled with anger, sadness and finally helplessness when Steven put his hand on her shoulder and looked down at Ren nodding his head. They had to do this. It wouldn't be right to keep her there when they knew there was no hope. He turned and walked out the door so she could say her good-bye.
Getting up she moved over to Em' and gently stroked her shoulder. "I'm here baby. God I love you!" Choking back a sob Ren put her emotions in check; she had to be strong for the both of them. Leaning down, she brushed her lips over Em's forehead.
"I hate this you know.. there's so much we still have to tell each other.. so much to do. I always envisioned us racing down the nursing home in our matching wheelchairs," her laugh came out strangled and more tears sprang to her eyes. "I wanted us to see our grandchildren and beam with pride at how wondrous they would be. God how I've wanted for us to have a kid together, one just like you baby. How did I ever get so lucky to find you, to win your heart?! I never felt that I deserved you ya know.. I love you so much and I'm so weak to think of living without you!" She broke down then and let her body be wracked by her sobs. Her tears flowing down her cheeks to caress the edges of her mouth, wetting her lips slightly. She darted her tongue out and tasted her salty tears knowing that nothing would ever be as important as this woman. No one could ever compare. She didn't know love until she had met Em' and it had been as if joy had enveloped her in it's velvety embrace for the first time, opening her eyes to truly see the world for all it's beauty and love.
Sniffling, she continued talking to her Emily. "I hate.. I hate that it takes for you to be here for me to tell you all the ways you complete me. I've tried to a thousand times but the only way I've ever known was by showing you. All those stolen kisses.. †with passion and fire.. fertile tears filled with joy and rapture.. groans that sigh like the wind. My morning and my night have always rested in your smile, my life held by the confines of your beautiful heart. I can't imagine a future without you. Do you know how you've changed me, how you fill my soul and complete me utterly?!" She gasped suddenly, her throat tight as she had trouble drawing air into her lungs.
I don't want a life without her in it! She kissed Em's head reverently and breathed deeply. Even with the antiseptic scent of the hospital she could almost taste the essence which was undeniably Emily.
"I'll love you forever Emily." She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see the doctor with Steven. She moved out of the way as Steve stepped forward and kissed his baby sister on the head, one of his tears dropping onto her hair, darkening it slightly. They both stood back as a doctor and nurse turned off the life support then took the tubes from her mouth. Steve and Ren stood close together; both holding onto Em's left hand whispering that it was okay. A nurse came in and turned sympathetic eyes to them as she drew her last breath and was finally at peace; Em' was gone. Leaning over, Ren kissed Em' on the cheek and whispered one more time, "I love you forever Em."
It was all a blur from there. Staying at friendís houses, the funeral just everything was a blur, it was empty. She finally got home after the service with her friend Sarah who came in the apartment behind her. Ren stepped into the living room and looked about. Everywhere she turned there was Em', smiling, laughing, and alive. Sarah went into the bedroom and drew back the comforter on the bed, then turned the radio on in Renís room. She came back out and put a hand on Renís shoulder, startling her slightly.
"I gotta go Ren, I think Rick brought
Tayson back.. †Will you be okay staying here honey? If not
you can still stay with me and Mitch.. " Sarah stared at her friend, as if her eyes alone
could will Ren to come with her, away from the memories and away from the pain.
Ren shook her head and gave a small smile. "No, Iíll be fine here Sare,
really." She gave Sarah a quick hug and a promise to call if she needed
anything. Closing the door behind her she locked it, then ever so slowly she
sank to the floor curling into a ball, sobbing. Ren's puppy Tayson came from
the bathroom to his mistress and nudged her arms wanting to be close to her.
Lifting her arms, she drew the puppy to her feeling his warmth and drinking in
"She's gone Tayson.. she's really gone.. your mama isn't coming home ever again!" As if the dog knew what she was talking about, it began to whimper. She drew it even closer, stroking its head soothingly and could hear some music coming from the bedroom.
".. I turned around/ And the water was closing all around/ Like a glove/ Like the love that had finally, finally found me/ And I knew/ In the crystalline knowledge of you/ Drove me thru the mountains/ Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain/ Drove me like a magnet/ To the sea/ To the sea..../How the faces of love changed turning the pages/ And I have changed, oh but you... you remain ageless/ I turned around/ And the water was closing all around/ Like a glove/ Like the love that had finally, finally found me/ Then I knew/ In the crystalline knowledge of you.." Ren's eyes drew her head up and locked her eyes with a picture of her and Emily on the beach for their first anniversary. The wind was blowing Em's dark hair and mingling it with Ren's own light blonde locks. The words seeped deep down inside Ren. You'll always be my only one EmÖ..
"Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
To the sea.."
Ren finished the song and her voice was
barely above a whisper on the last verse. Her short blonde hair whipped about
her face as a gentle breeze started. The sun filtered through puffy white clouds,
warming her exposed skin. She turned her head up into its warmth letting it dry
her silent tears; a smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she drank in the
smells and sounds around her. She could have almost swore she felt Em' caress
her, letting her know that it was all right as she opened her eyes. Leaning
forward she kissed the top of Em's headstone.
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