Disclaimer: This is an Uber story so the characters belong to me and me alone but there may be a wee chance that the two leading ladies remind you of a couple of ass-kicking TV heroes. That, I assure you, is pure coincidence. The names Xena and Gabrielle belong to RenPics. Also, I don’t own Harry Potter. No copyright infringement is intended.

Language: It’s all good…….

Sex/Violence: no this is ok for everyone..


Authors Note: Hi I’m Leigh McEoghan. You may remember me from the fanficition Queen to Queen and the Uber story Thank You. If you’ve read Queen to Queen I’d like to apologise. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just that it’s SO bad.

Anyway back to this. I don’t really have the time or the patience to write long stories so this is just a little piece that I thought of when I went to get milk late one night. I hope y’all enjoy it.


Email: Please do, I always reply, I’m nice like that <g>

Dedication: This one’s for you. You know who you are. Yes you!


There’s Something About Dairy

By Leigh McEoghan


I had only been working at the Shoplate for a couple of months but I was confident that I had seen it all. Working the night shift certainly was entertaining, exhausting, infuriating and dangerous. I loved it. It was a perfect way to earn some extra cash and get in some quiet study.

In the hours between one and eight am, we average, on a good night, seven customers. Why the store even bothers to remain open is beyond me, I suppose then it would have to change its name to the ‘Shop’ and hey, that’s so been done already.

Look at me, I’m waffling now. I tend to that when I tell stories, I just get going and there’s no stopping me, must of kissed the Blarney Stone in a past life or something because I sure have the gift of the gab. And then some.

Anyways, back to my little story. Like I said, on a busy night, we only ever get five or so customers. Did I say seven? I’m sorry; as well as waffling I also kinda exaggerate a little. In anyway, one of those three customers is Butch. I’m sure that’s not her real name, I think it’s something like Zandra. Now if you ever thought that wrestler Chyna, or whatever she calls herself, is impressive, you should see this chick. Where Chyna is all muscle and baby oil, Butch’s strength is in her presence. She’s about 6"2 and her eyes, how do I do justice to these eyes? Have you ever seen a picture in the National Geographic, or some similar publication, of King Tut’s tomb? You know the fellow I mean, Egypt’s Boy King. Well the guy has a really fantastic coffin, a solid gold job all the way but, in my opinion, the most impressive feature is the sapphire blue part of his head-dress. I think it’s blue gold but I’m not 100% sure. Anyhew, Butch’s eyes are that shade and boy are they ever piercing.

This woman is a goddess, ripped jeans, tank top, leather jacket and a ‘Vette. Every night, well morning really, at 3:27am on the dot, she struts through the automatic doors and walks around the shop like she owns the place. She always walks around the whole store, sometimes stopping to read the labels on the tinned fruit, sometimes glancing over our fine selection of magazines. This all lasts around five to seven minutes, then she saunters over to the dairy cabinet, picks up a carton of milk and four strawberry yoghurt health-shake thingys (now with even more added vitamins!) and brings them to me at the checkout. She always asks if it’s been busy and I always tell her that I’m rushed off my feet. She’ll laugh politely every time, take her change, wish me luck, and waltz back out the door to her shiny red machine.


It’s the same every night. Each to their own routine I suppose.


But wait ‘till I tell you about this one particular night. I was in my usual place, perched up on the stool behind the counter and deeply engrossed in the newest Harry Potter novel when I hear the whoosh of the door. I didn’t even bother lifting my head. Who else would it be? Out of the corner of my eye I saw her head down towards the first aisle- (bread products and cereals). I was about to turn my full attention back to the book when I heard the door open again.

Uh Oh.

My next faithful after dark customer wasn’t due for another hour. This could only mean one thing.

There was a stranger in these here parts.

Without looking up, I slowly put my book down and moved one hand slightly under the counter where it would be in easy reach of the panic button and shotgun. Confident that I was in control, I finally looked up to check out the newcomer. To my surprise and relief, the person wasn’t wearing a pair of hose over their head.

Now if you thought that my description of Butch was kinda corny, wait ‘till you hear this, it may sound like another exaggeration but it sure ain’t, this woman was a total knockout.

I’ve never considered myself to be a tall person but at 5ft 7 I practically towered over the woman. She must have only been about 5ft 1" or so. Her stylishly cut short blonde hair shined like a halo under the stores florescent lighting and, for a minute, I thought I was being visited by an angel (working the night shift will do that to you, I promise I’m sane).

She was wearing a snug pair of grey jogging shorts, a ripped TCD tee shirt, navy hooded jacket and a pair of slippers. She was a total hottie.

Guessing that she was new in town and an insomniac, I decided to play the friendly shopkeeper and offer my assistance.

"Hello there, is there anything I can help you with?" I asked in the friendliest voice I had.

"Yeah that would be great, I just need to know where the milk is."

The woman, who I had already nicknamed Kitty (‘cause she looked like a real sex kitten!) replied in a heavy accent. Her voice was beautiful soft but strong and I wondered about the accent. She had said ‘that’ like it began with a ‘d’. It definitely wasn’t local. Hell, it wasn’t even American. This needed a little more investigating.

"The milk is over in the dairy cabinet, just down aisle three off to your right there." I supplied.

"Thanks a million" Thanks a million? That’s a new one. Ok, time to pop the question.

"I hope you don’t mind me asking, are you new in town?" I asked, already confident I knew the answer. I waited for her response, which was one of the most dazzling smiles I’ve ever had the pleasure of receiving.

"Yeah, I just arrived here on Saturday, I’m from Ireland."

"Dublin?" I missed my calling, I shoulda been a detective or some such thing.

"Yeah, how’d you guess?"

"Your tee shirt, it’s for Trinity College right?" She nodded her head in confirmation. "That and the accent." I grinned at her and was in turn rewarded with another 100-watt smile.

"How do you know Trinity?" I knew this was coming.

"My ex-girlfriend. She transferred over there in her second year." She didn’t even flinch. Cool, maybe I could get a date out of this.


"What brings you to Avondale?" I hoped my questioning wasn’t getting too much ‘cause I sure didn’t want to scare her away.

"I’m, em, well, I’m actually looking for someone." What the hell kind of answer was that? Pretty and mysterious, could I handle that? Deciding to let my curiosity overpower my initial politeness, I kept pressing.

"Really? Who exactly, I might know them." I hoped I didn’t.

"I’m not sure, but I’ll know when I see them." She answered and then, after flashing me another enigmatic little smile, walked off over to the dairy wall.

I sighed or rather I swooned as I watched her go. When I couldn’t see her any longer, I turned to the monitor at my side and fiddled with the buttons until the images that were being recorded on the security camera over the dairy aisle popped up.

Butch was reading the label on a jar of mayo. She always did that. She’d be walking along and then she’d just stop suddenly and pick something at random to read. I’d actually forgotten she was here. Then again I had been ‘busy’. At the top of the aisle a blur of motion caught my eye and I realised it was Kitty looking for her milk.

This, my friends, is where things got really bizarre. I followed Kitty as she walked up the aisle. I don’t think she had seen Butch yet, she was more interested in the goat’s cheese display. Butch had noticed her though, dropping the jar of mayo in the process. The smash of the glass startled me and I jumped. Kitty also jumped and looked over to the source of the commotion. When she saw Butch, she too dropped what she was holding. I had half the mind to go over and give out hell to them for trashing the store but I couldn’t move. The scene that was playing itself out in front of me was to transfixing. I felt kinda bad, but I couldn’t *not* watch. It was hypnotising.

Butch said something and I found myself wishing, for the first time, that the cameras could pick up sound. I tried lip reading but that didn’t work. Kitty was smiling again but I noticed tears streaming down her face as well. It was like watching Days of Our Lives or something, I wanted to jump into the moment and hear what was going on but I couldn’t leave the counter unattended.

I leaned closer to the monitor. Butch was now walking slowly towards Kitty with her arms open wide. She was still speaking and it was killing me not to hear what was being said.

To hell with it.

I jumped up from my stool and crept towards the opposite end of the dairy aisle and, after carefully concealing myself behind a Spam display, peeked around the corner.

"……took you long enough, I was getting worried you’d never find me." I missed the first part of what Butch said but what I heard was more than a little confusing. Kitty sniffled. She was still crying but smiling at the same time.

"Me, and what about you?"

"I looked, I must have seen every continent and country. It doesn’t matter though, all that’s important is that we found each other." Butch answered, closing the distance between them and picked her up in a fierce bear hug. After spinning her around a few times she put Kitty down and gently cupped her face with her hand. They shared a look full of hidden emotion and then Butch bent and gave what has to have been the most passionate kiss on record to Kitty. I was a good ten feet away but the heat coming off those two was enough to almost singe my eyebrows. Butch broke the kiss after what felt like eternity to gaze into Kitty’s eyes again.

"Technically Xena, I found you." Kitty giggled.

"Nit-pick why don’t ya Gabrielle." Butch growled in mock anger and leaned in for another searing kiss.

What just happened? Who are Xena and Gabrielle and what happened to Butch and Kitty?

Deciding that voyeurism wasn’t quite my thing I reluctantly headed back to my counter, relived to see that the till was still there, the money tray firmly locked. Plonking back onto my stool I glanced back at the monitor. They were still lip-locked and tongue-tied. I flicked it off. Some people have all the luck.

Picking my book up I quickly found myself absorbed in the world of a young magician once more. I didn’t notice when the pair presented themselves at the counter with enough dairy products between them to feed a small nation.


That got my attention. I looked up to see Butch standing with her arm draped possessively around the petite blonde’s shoulder. I gave Kitty/Gabrielle a small grin.

"I trust you found what you were looking for?" She picked up on the double meaning and gave me a sexy little grin.

"And then some." She winked. I took their money, bagged their groceries and gave them their change. They both said their goodbyes and whooshed out the door. I watched as Butch open the passenger door of the ‘Vette and waited for Kitty to get in. Hopping in her own side, she put the car in gear and they disappeared in a cloud of dust.

I stayed on at my job there at the Shoplate for another year until I finished college but I never saw the pair again. I thought I heard something about them moving to Greece but I think that was just small town gossip. Wherever they are I hope they’re truly happy.

I often think about them. But what I wonder about most is their obsession with milk in cheese.

I guess there is just something about dairy.

The End

Like it? Hate it? Let me know. youngirishbard@hotmail.com

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