The Return Of Unity Part 3
"Me? You chose me, Eli you know my track record with children, I've been given two chances at being a mother to a child and I failed both times, you should choose Gabrielle‚" Xena exclaimed, her guilt at her failed attempts at being a mother gnawing her conscience once again.
"Xena I choose you because of those two times, Xena you did the right thing by Solan, it wasn't your fault he died, and Eve well she was out of your hands, there was nothing anyone could do to stop the events leading to her becoming the champion of Rome, it was how it was destined to be, if it hadn't happened you wouldn't have given your faith to Abba and Eve would never have learned the true love of Abba, her God‚" Eli told Xena knowing she knew most of this but that guilt that still troubled her years after all she had done when she was less herself, would always make her think her losses were always her fault.
"Eli I don't know if I can do this again, I mean I'm more than willing to be a parent through Gabrielle, but my track record with the children I've given birth to is-‚" Xena said but was cut off by an angry Gabrielle coming up and forcing her to look at her.
"Xena now listen to me and listen good okay! I love you and I've seen you do this to yourself too many times, you deny yourself the things you truly desire because of your past believing you will never make up for what you did when you were younger, I want it to stop right now, I want more than anything for you to have my child, to be able to give you what I still feel I played a part in taking away from you and Eli is right, Eve was never truly ours, she had a destiny to fulfill and though we will always love her we can't give her what Eli's God gives her, we deserve this love, you deserve this please do this for us, for you‚" Gabrielle asked almost pleading with her beautiful warrior princess, as she looked into those baby blues brimming with unshed tears. She took the woman into her arms giving her silent permission to cry those tears, to let them out instead of holding them in.
There were a few moments of silence only broken by the quiet sobbing of the warrior princess and the gentle murmurings of the woman who loved her more than life in itself. Finally when the tears subsided Xena turned to look at the man she cared more for than any other, realising just how much she'd changed that this man who was nothing but peaceful loved her, loved her enough to give her such a precious gift, that she'd been able to touch a man filled with such peace.
"I'm not sure I'll ever know what you both see in me, but I promise you I will try to, thank you Eli, this is a beautiful gift and although its one I'm sure it will take me a while to see that I deserve I will do my best to see that, thank you my friend and thank Abba for me‚" Xena said quietly knowing it would take a lot for her to change how she thought about herself but she was sure that with Gabrielle's love she would eventually come to see what everyone else saw, that she was a loving caring person who deserved that love just as much as anyone else.
"You won't be doing that alone sweetheart, I will do my best every day to help you see that you aren't the woman from your past anymore and that you have atoned for that past‚" Gabrielle told her love kissing her gently to reinforce the promise, she knew one day Xena would see that and she hoped that day would come soon, she couldn't believe the generosity of this God in giving them the ability to have what they'd never dreamed would be possible, to have children together. Gabrielle had been thinking about having a child for a while, wondering if becoming a parent would help both of them feel like they'd somehow made up for their past, but knew she could never be with a man just to have a child and had almost resigned herself to the truth that they would never be able to be parents to a child that was theirs.
"Just remember Gabrielle it is you that determines when you are both ready for this step, the gift is there, ready for when you both are ready to become parents, Abba truly believes you both deserve this and wants you both to be happy, that is his only one true wish for you both‚" Eli told them both seeing the love they felt for each other and seeing the happiness in Gabrielle's eyes knowing the decision had been the right one and that Xena would be with child soon if he was reading Gabrielle right.
He smiled thinking of Xena pregnant with Gabrielle's child and remembered when he first met Xena, how she had impressed him with her willingness to do anything to save Gabrielle including killing her best friend to stop her suffering at the hands of the evil deity that had taken over her. He had instantly become aware of what she'd done in her past but knew her past hadn't made her who she was, the hero she was and realised before either of them had known that her redemption had come through the love of Gabrielle. Finding her soul mate had changed her forever and she would never be the woman that had caused so many deaths in the past. In truth he admired Xena more than Gabrielle even though Gabrielle had been through so much and survived, he knew that she hadn't undergone the same kind of transformation as Xena and hopefully never would experience the pain that had caused Xena to turn to the darkness. Xena was the ultimate personification of what his God strived to help people believe, that love could transform and change anyone, even a broken shell of a warrior, who was at the end of her rope wanting to end life once and for all. Eli knew that was where Xena had been at when she'd met Gabrielle and knew that had they not met then Xena's spirit would have died along with her body.
"I'm sorry to dump this on you guys and run but Abba needs me, good luck both of you and I expect to see you plump with child the next time I visit‚" Eli laughed pointing his finger at Xena knowing she would try her best to undergo the final transformation from the warlord she was to the hero she was now. He disappeared not allowing them to comment on his last words deciding they needed time to think and discuss this gift they had been given.
They sat in silence for a while after Eli's abrupt departure both lost in their thoughts, for Gabrielle her thoughts alternated between almost dizzying happiness to concern for her warrior princess. Said warrior princess was so overwhelmed by the gift they'd been given her thoughts had stalled altogether and her mind was a silent blank, it was as though her mind couldn't comprehend that she'd been given the gift she'd been too afraid to ask for. Then as suddenly as all of her thoughts had stopped they'd rushed in taking her by complete surprise, as she groaned feeling the compounding thought starting a migraine behind her eyes.
Gabrielle was lost in thought she almost missed the quiet groan from Xena, the sound bringing her out of her revery as she looked over at her love, concern quickly taking over as she saw the paleness of her loves face and the glazed look on her face."Xena? Xena what is it, is it a headache?‚" Gabrielle asked worriedly, Xena sometimes suffered from migraines, the pain beginning behind her eyes and slowly building until it caused Xena to become nauseous from it. She felt Xena nod slowly and groan again as the pain intensified, she knew it wouldn't be long before her body reacted to the pain and caused her to throw up. She felt Gabrielle's hand come up behind her head and begin massaging her neck in attempt to relax her and allow the migraine to ease and was pleased to see that it was beginning to work, Gabrielle's hand always had a strange effect on her body and helped more often than not to ease the tension out of her body with little effort. She felt the tension begin to ease out of her body, until all she felt was tiredness from the pain and the tension she'd felt, she felt Gabrielle ease her head into her lap and was asleep within moments.
Gabrielle let Xena sleep for as long as she knew her soul mate would be comfortable sleeping hoping that the sleep would help her not only be rid of the migraine but also help her think more clearly about the gift they'd been given, she herself was overjoyed not just by the fact that they would be able to have children but that her soul mate would be the one to have their first child. She knew Xena didn't blame her for Solan's death but there was a small part of her that knew that if she had killed Hope when Xena had maybe, just maybe Solan would have lived. It was that possibility that made Gabrielle desperately want to be able to give Xena what she had until now knew she would never be able to give her, a child not to make up for the Son Xena had lost but to give her soul mate the chance to be a mother again and truly enjoy all of it.
She'd had such high hopes when Xena had become pregnant with Eve, after she'd realised Xena was telling the truth about not knowing the baby's father. She'd hoped that Xena would be allowed to completely love and raise her child and had been as devastated as Xena when they'd woken up 25 years later from that icy tomb to find that Eve had grown up never really knowing her mother's love for her and when Xena had needed to face possibly needing to kill her own child it had ripped her heart out. Knowing that the situation had been necessary for Eve's knowledge of the God of Love's love for her didn't make it any easier to take and although both Xena and Eve thought that her anger had been over Joxer's death, deep down she knew it wasn't. Her anger was at the fact that her love had lost another child and even though they still had Eve and Xena seemed happy to have her daughter back, that she'd still lost so much, despite everything she'd still missed Eve's first words, her first steps, had missed most of the firsts her love should have been able to share this time around because she had loved Eve so much."Gabrielle are you okay sweetheart?‚" Xena asked as she woke from the deep sleep she'd been sleeping to see tears in her soul mates beautiful green eyes. Knowing Gabrielle had probably been thinking about the gift they'd been given she decided more than anything she wanted this for both of them, she knew she would give her best to be the best mother she could be and her heart cried out for this chance to share something so precious with the woman she loved more than air.
I may not believe I deserve this but she does, and more than anything we deserve to have what most couples have, she deserves that and I guess I do, I've been so consumed by my guilt to not see that she redeems me, everytime she tells me she loves me, everytime she gives her love to me, she redeems my heart more and more, she needs this, Gods I need this, I never realised how much but I do, I need to know I can be a mother and not fail another child, Xena thought, smiling as she gently pressed her lips against the softest lips she'd ever tasted. Looking deeply into Gabrielle's eyes she tried to convey what her lips were having trouble speaking. In those bright green eyes she saw her redemption and knew this was right, that they would be forever bonded by this act of creation and she felt her heart finally shedding the last of the chains that had held it aloof from the woman she loved.
"Would you make a baby with me Gabrielle?‚" Xena finally spoke looking at the woman that held her heart and soul in her hands, knowing she didn't need to ask the question, she knew the answer but wanting Gabrielle to know this is what she wanted without a doubt. She felt Gabrielle pull her towards her and was soon wrapped in an embrace that threatened to squeeze the life out of her. In Gabrielle's eyes she saw the answer as they kissed passionately beginning the act that would create their child. Gabrielle moved her lips to Xena's neck loving the feel of her loves skin, of how soft and beautiful it was, reveling in the sounds she could feel coming from Xena. Their bodies pressed so closely together it was almost like they were one, Xena immediately surrendering to Gabrielle's desires and allowing her to take her to the heights of pleasure only Gabrielle could. She could feel Gabrielle's hands moving over her skin the slightest of touches and smiled knowing it would be a long and fulfilling night, she wondered absently if they would have the same problems as other couples or would this union result in a child being conceived immediately, Eli had said that when they both wanted a child all they had to do was put that wish into their lovemaking and a child would result. She abandoned her thinking as Gabrielle's lips moved to her breast and all thoughts of anything else but the love they shared and the pleasure Gabrielle was creating when out of her mind. She was rapidly becoming consumed by a fire that spread throughout her body and when Gabrielle finally made it down to where she needed her most, she whimpered in anticipation. She cried out as she felt Gabrielle's tongue enter her, but somewhere in her subconscious a thought came to her, about their essences mingling as one and she brought Gabrielle up to her, pressing her centre against Gabrielle's feeling her essence mingle with Gabrielle's as the fire erupted between both of them, she brought Gabrielle's lips to her as they rocked together, each climbing higher towards the pinnacle of their pleasure, groaning as their hips found a rhythm and they made love furiously, each press of their centres bringing them higher and higher until they could hold it no longer and they cried out in ecstasy both screaming the others name as they came as one. Exhausted but sated they fell into a sleep filled with dreams of the new life they were starting.
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