Teaser: This is a parody of the last scene from You Are There. The title says it all.
Standard Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Xena Warrior Princess; they were created by TPTB, so therefore belong to them, Universal Studios, and Renpics. I am just borrowing them for a little fun. This is just for entertainment and not profit.
Violence Disclaimer: Nope
Subtext Disclaimer: Yep, two women in love. If you are offended by this leave while you still can because who knows it could be contagious. If you are under 18 go read something else, but if you decide you are mature enough to read this I won't tell your mom, there is nothing explicit in this story. But don't say I didn't warn you. If this stuff is illegal were you live, fight the power! And come back when you're done. If you are not held back by any of the previous unfortunate circumstances read on and ENJOY.
Parody Warning: I was laying in bed thinking about Xena (as always) and my muse visited, so at 2:00am I flipped on my laptop and wrote it. This is a parody of the last scene from You Are There. I was not completely satisfied with that scene so I decided to redo it the way I would have liked to see it ;).
Please feed the bard: Loveguruaphrodite@gmail.com
They're here, They're Queer
Camera pans around a crowded TAVERN; big-busted barmaids are serving happy, drunk customers; we hear chatter and laughter. Finally the camera zooms in on one table in the far corner. A tall, dark, and beautiful woman XENA, her cute blonde "friend" GABRIELLE, and NIGEL the annoying looking journalist occupy the table.
GABRIELLE and XENA are talking amongst themselves, it appears they are flirting, NIGEL primps his cru cut hair and straightens his glasses for the camera.
Nigel turns to XENA and GABRIELLE just as GABRIELLE is tracing XENA's jaw line seductively with her finger; NIGEL clears his throat to draw the women's attention.
NIGEL: Excuse me, Xena? Gabrielle? I still have one more question for you tonight.
GABRIELLE's hand drops to her lap and look disappointed, XENA glares at NIGEL.
NIGEL looks flustered but quickly recovers.
NIGEL: There is one answer that everyone has been dying to know. The answer to the question that Gabrielle has been avoiding all day.
NIGEL glances at XENA and GABRIELLE they look bored, he glances back to the camera, and than back again to the women. GABRIELLE yawns and reaches her hand under the table to stroke XENA's thigh. XENA raises her eyebrow at NIGEL.
NIGEL: Ah, yes, the question. Are you two lovers?
XENA and GABRIELLES jaws drop, they look truly shocked. They start to giggle uncontrollably.
NIGEL: I didn't mean to offend you.
The two women laugh even harder.
GABRIELLE pulls it together enough to speak, but XENA continues to snicker.
GABRIELLE: Have you read my scrolls?
NIGEL: Why yes, some. Many people, including myself, have and are confused by the subtext.
GABRIELLE: What subtext?
NIGEL: Well, for example, in the scroll entitled The Quest you and Xena share a kiss, but only while she is in a mans body. In the scroll The Ring you tell Brunhilda that Xena is your soul mate, but you don't mention her being your lover too. And in many scrolls you admit to loving each other, but never to being in love. So many people are confused about the nature of your relationship, some believe you are lovers and soul mates, some just best friend, while others think you are just like sisters and have paired you up with men such as Ares, Joxer, and Virgil.
XENA stops snickering and looks shocked.
XENA starts laughing again and GABRIELLE slaps her on the arm to shut her up. She than turns back to NIGEL.
GABRIELLE: You mean to say, that some people actually think that I live next to HER, Miss I'm-too-sexy-for-my-leather, every day and I don't get to touch her?
XENA: That's goes the same for me, have you seen those abs?"
GABRIELLE: Those eyes?
XENA: That butt?
GABRIELLE: Those boobs?
XENA: Those shoulders?
GABRIELLE: Those lips?
XENA: That neck?
GABRIELLE: And don't even get me started on those legs.
NIGEL: So you admit to desiring each other?
XENA and GABRIELLE both raise eyebrows at IOULES... I mean... NIGEL.
NIGEL: So far the evidence all points to one answer, but still the question remains. Are you to lovers?
XENA: You want to know if we're lovers?
GABRIELLE: You want the truth?
NIGEL: YES! Wait hold on; let me make sure they get this.
NIGEL shouts some demands at the camera crew, adjusts his hair and glasses, than turns dramatically back to XENA and GABRIELLE.
NIGEL: Okay, we're ready.
Just as he says this GABRIELLE pulls XENA into a long kiss, XENA replies with gusto and soon the two are in a passionate embrace. The two women than stand up and GABRIELLE jumps on XENA wrapping her legs around her hips, never breaking the kiss.
NIGEL looks shocked, and a deep flush begins to cover his body.
XENA sets GABRIELLE onto the table and her hand finds it way under GABRIELLE's top. GABRIELLE moans loudly and places one hand in XENA's hair and the other on her butt.
NIGEL somehow is able to speak, but stutters terribly.
NIGEL: I-it looks like we have our A-a-answer. These t-t-two are in f-f-fa-fact l-l-lo-lovers.
NIGEL takes a glance at XENA and GABRIELLE; XENA is now crawling on top the table and onto GABRIELLE.
NIGEL: T-turn off the c-cameras. C-c-cut! I said C-cut!
CUT to CREDITS as we.