PROLOGUE
Casey waited impatiently for Pam to open the door. When she did Casey tried to step inside the apartment but Pam stopped her. Pam stepped outside and closed the door behind her. "What are you doing here?"
Casey stepped closer and looked deeply into Pam's eyes. "I want you to be with me forever, Pam."
Pam tried not to respond but those had been the words she had been longing to hear.
As soon as Casey saw the response in Pam's eyes, she pulled Pam to her and kissed her. Pam seemed to be trying to resist but quickly began kissing Casey back. Casey knew she had done the right thing.
Pam tried to stop herself from kissing Casey back but Casey's lips were so soft and sweet. Pam had wanted this for so long but nowÉ Pam pulled away and looked into those beautiful hazel eyes. "I'm sorry, Casey. I can't be with you." Pam closed her eyes and turned away. The shock and pain in Casey's eyes were going to be etched in Pam's mind forever. She knew she would never be able to forget this kiss but she had no choice. She took one last look at Casey's shocked, now angry expression. She opened the door to her apartment and went back inside.
Casey could not believe this was happening. Pam had kissed her back. She had looked at her with such love in her eyes. Casey thought this was what Pam had wanted to hear. Why was she doing this? Casey started to knock on Pam's door to demand an explanation then she heard a man's voice on the other side of the door. Casey turned away with a sob. She should have never let her guard down. Casey ran from the door. She ran from the building and Pam.
Pam stood on the other side of the door with her forehead pressed against it. Her father appeared behind her. "Is it done?"
Pam sniffed and wiped away the tears that had begun to roll down her face. "It's done."
CHAPTER ONE
"What do you mean Mom is missing?" Casey Durham demanded of her brother.
Chad Durham repeated what he had just told her. "Mom is missing. No one seems to know where she is. Have you heard from her today?"
"No."Casey sat down as she felt a tinge of panic starting to set in. "I haven't heard from her. Explain to me exactly what you've heard."
"Mom's friends from church went by her house to get her this morning to go to Nashville to work at the homeless shelter. Her car was gone and there was no answer at the door. They thought that Dad had told her she couldn't go or that she had come to town to see me or Charles." Chad took a breath and went on. "When they came back to town, they went by the house to make sure everything was okay. Dad was there and he said he hadn't see her since that morning. The ladies called me and told me all of this. I called Dad. He's drunk. He said he didn't know where my blank, blank, blank mother was. He said he'd better not find out that Charles and I had come and got her again or there would be hell to pay."
Casey had been chuckling about Chad not being able to repeat her father's cuss words until he said that their dad had said that he and Charles had better have not come and got their mother again. "Why would he say that?"
"It's a long story; I'll tell you when you get here." Chad was not looking forward to that conversation because Casey would be furious that he and Charles didn't tell her about them trying to help their mom leave their dad before.
"You think I need to come there? Is this that serious?" Casey stood up and began hunting for her purse.
"I'm afraid so. We've called everyone we know and no one has seen or heard from mom since yesterday afternoon. Except for Dad, who says he saw her this morning." Chad answered wearily.
"Alright, I'll be there in an about an hour. Call me on my cell phone if you hear anything. Okay?"
"I will. I promise. Please drive carefully."
"I'll try." Casey wasn't making any promises. Now she was panicking. Chad must think this is very serious to tell her to come home.
Casey had not been home since Christmas. She had been finishing up some business in Memphis where she had been playing professional basketball for the Memphis Blues. Casey had decided to retire from playing after five years on the team. She had suffered a lot of injuries in that five years and decided that she didn't love playing enough to risk getting crippled doing it. She had finished medical school at the University of Tennessee at Memphis during the off season. Now she was in the process of moving back to Nashville so she could start her residency to become an orthopedic surgeon at Vanderbilt's Medical Center.
Casey left her apartment and rushed downstairs to her car in the parking lot. She got in and got on her way. She tried to drive safely but she had found herself speeding many times. It was just a miracle that she was still in Nashville moving stuff into her new apartment instead of in Memphis when this happened.
Casey had been worried about her mother's safety ever since she had left home to go to college. Her father had always been abusive. Now it would seem that he had done something with her mother at least that was her fear. She was hoping that she was going to pull into Chad's driveway and find out that it was a wasted trip.
Casey was glad it was not rush hour in Nashville. She took in the city lights and familiar sights as she drove through town. She had spent four years at Vanderbilt studying for her pre-med degree. She was really looking forward to being back in this town that she considered home.
Once she got completely out of Nashville, Casey still had a half an hour on the road to get to Chad's house. She was getting impatient to get there. She hadn't heard anything else from Chad. She hoped that he would call and say someone had heard from her mother. Casey trudged on, pushing the interstate speed limit.
Casey let her mind wonder back to the days when she lived in Nashville before. She thought back to the days she had been a dyke jock and had her pick of the women on campus. That made her think to call her best friend Terri and tell her about what had happened with her mom. She and Terri had played basketball together for Vanderbilt and had competed with each other for the ladies' attention. They had remained close friends and kept in contact after Casey had left to go to Memphis.
She called Terri on her cell phone. Terri was very sympathetic. Casey promised to keep Terri updated of what was happening. She also promised stop in and see Terri before she went back to Memphis to get the last of her stuff.
Talking to Terri helped the next thing she knew she was pulling in Chad's drive. Charles was already there. Chad greeted her at the door. "No news. The police are going to come out and we're going to go ahead and file a missing person's report."
"I can't believe this happening." Casey said after she got inside and hugged everyone. She immediately cornered the boys before the police got there and made them tell her about them going and getting their mother.
"You were away playing ball and we thought we could get her out. We went and got her and a bunch of her stuff. Dad had a huge fit and tried to physically fight Chad. When he couldn't win that way he went to his friends. Apparently he knows people in the administration at the hospital. We were both warned that our careers could be at stake. Mom insisted on going back before letting our names be ruined. So we let her." Charles, who had been explaining, looked away from his sister's glare.
"What?!" Casey growled. "I can't believe the two of you let her go back!" They were both saved from the chewing out they were about to get by the police arriving. Casey made a mental note to deal with those two later.
* * * * * *
Pam Matterson had been woken up at four that morning by a frantic phone call from Dorothy Durham. The operator had asked her if she would accept collect charges, of course Pam did. Dorothy was on the other end of the line. Pam could still here the desperation echoing in her mind.
"Pam what can I do? I can't go back! I can't!" Dorothy had cried.
"Where are you now?" Pam had asked.
"I'm at Wal-Mart in Bowling Green. I have to get out of here. People are staring at me. If they call the police, Bob's buddies on the police force will just go get him and tell him where I am. I can't go back, Pam. I can't take it anymore. I'm so afraid he's going to kill me."
Oh my God, Pam thought, she must be in bad shape if she's drawing that much attention. "It's okay, Dorothy. I'm going to get you out of there. Can you drive a little further?" Pam asked and started getting dressed.
"Yes. Where do you want me to go?"
"Do you know where the rest stop is at the Tennessee state line?" Pam asked as she hunted for her keys.
"Yes." Dorothy remembered stopping there with the church group.
"Go there and wait for me. Park under a street light next to the Welcome Center and keep your doors locked. Okay?" Pam found her keys and put on her coat.
"Okay. What are you driving?" Dorothy looked around nervously.
"A blue Toyota Camry. What are you driving?"
"A white Ford Taurus." Dorothy replied.
"I'll probably be there about ten minutes after you get there so don't panic. Everything is going to be okay." Pam reassured her.
"I hope so." Dorothy saw more people pointing and whispering. "I'm leaving right now."
"Me too." Pam said as she grabbed her purse. "See you in a few minutes." They both hung up.
Pam raced as fast as could from her house in west Nashville to the rest area at the Tennessee state line. This was the first time Pam had ever actually gone after a woman in trouble. The AWAY group, an abused women's advocacy group Pam worked for, usually had police officers go get women out of their dangerous situations. Pam knew Dorothy would never go for that. Apparently Dorothy's husband had some political pull where they lived. Dorothy hadn't gone into great detail about it. She just said that her husband had friends in high places that could easily get him out of trouble with the law. She also said that he would be able to find her if she went to abused women's program where they lived. It was the reason why Dorothy had not left before now.
Dorothy had never driven so fast in her life. She was doing seventy miles an hour all the way there. She did as Pam told her. She parked under a street light close to the Welcome Center. She didn't have to wait long before she saw the blue Toyota Camry racing into the parking area. Pam pulled up next to Dorothy's car. Dorothy opened the door and got out slowly.
Pam had her door open before she came to a complete stop, she spun around to face Dorothy who was getting out of her car and gasped. She put her hand to her mouth. Pam usually didn't see the women like this. Dorothy's face was swollen and bleeding from cuts on her face and arms. There was blood every where she looked.
Pam whisked Dorothy into her car. Dorothy had not brought anything but her purse and a small amount of clothes she had kept hidden in the car. Pam left Dorothy's car unlocked and got them out of the rest area as quick as she could. There weren't many cars there at this hour but she didn't want any extra attention either.
Pam composed herself. "How are you feeling?"
"Okay, just a little tired." Dorothy said as she dabbed the blood on her lip with a tissue.
Pam went into lawyer mode and began asking Dorothy questions about what had happened, where she was hurting and who else she had talked to. Dorothy answered that her husband, Bob had gotten mad that morning because she wasn't getting out of bed fast enough to fix him breakfast. She told her that she hurt most around her face, head and arms. She had left the house the minute she knew Bob was far enough away from their house that he wouldn't see her leave. She had driven to Bowling Green, which was a half an hour from where they lived in Kentucky. She had called Pam and had talked to no one else, not even her children.
Pam insisted on taking her to the hospital that morning to have her looked at. Dorothy begged Pam not to. She was afraid of having to face the police, whom she knew would be called. Pam assured her everything would be okay.
Pam took Dorothy to a small all night clinic in one of the rougher sides of town where they see this kind of beatings all the time. She took her there because they were less likely to call the police if Dorothy said that she didn't want them to. Pam asked them to do x-rays on Dorothy's face and head. She was afraid that Dorothy may have broken bones but was still in shock and not really feeling the pain. The doctor on call at the clinic said that Dorothy didn't have any broken bones but she was really lucky that she didn't. He said that she had severe bruising that would have to be watched closely for the next few days. He really gave her a thorough exam to make sure she wasn't hurt anywhere that wasn't showing. He said everything looked pretty good considering how badly she was beaten. He wanted Pam to bring her back in a week so he could make sure she was healing good. He gave Dorothy a prescription for the pain and swelling. Pam paid for the bill with her credit card.
When they got outside Dorothy said, "I'll pay you back just as soon as I can."
Pam put her arm around her and gave her a slight squeeze. "Don't you worry about that. AWAY will reimburse me and if they don't I'll just write it off my taxes."
Dorothy shook her head, "You have to let me pay you back somehow."
Pam thought about it for a minute, "Do you cook?"
"Of course I cook."
"Well, I'm not very good at it. How about you teach me some cooking tricks and we call it even."
Dorothy shook her head but conceded, she still didn't feel quite right about it because she was sure that the hospital bill was at least a few hundred dollars, "I can do that. You just let me know when you're ready to start."
It was eleven o'clock in the morning by the time they got to Pam's house. She set Dorothy up in the guest room. Dorothy laid down for a nap and Pam went to her office.
When Pam got to her office she called Nancy Hamilton, head of the AWAY's Tennessee Women's Shelter Program. She told Nancy about what had happened last night and that Dorothy wasn't wanting to press charges. She just wanted to go into hiding. Pam told Nancy that she hadn't explained to Dorothy that it wouldn't be that easy yet because she was such a mess this morning.
Nancy reminded Pam that they have to get a restraining order so that Dorothy's husband couldn't come down there and pretend to be a concerned husband just looking for his missing wife.
Pam assured Nancy that she would be taking Dorothy to the police department later to file charges and get a restraining order. She just wanted to get the ball rolling on trying to get her into a safe house.
Nancy told Pam she would check and see what was available. They got off the phone with each other but it wasn't a half an hour before Nancy called back with bad news. There wasn't a safe house with an opening in the local area at all. The nearest one was in Knoxville.
"No way!" Pam knew there was no way she could send Dorothy to Knoxville in the condition she was in.
"I'm sorry Pam, but we just don't have a space right now." Nancy apologized. "We can put her on the waiting list and get her into one as soon as it comes open. Until then, I'm not sure what to tell you to do with her. Maybe AWAY can put her up in a hotel for a week or so, hopefully we'll have an opening by then."
"It's okay, I'll figure something out." Pam had already planned on letting Dorothy stay with her until there was a safe house space available. "Go ahead and put her on the list and put my phone number as a contact number."
When Pam got off the phone with Nancy, she went to see her boss. She knew that she would not like Pam keeping a client at her house, but Joan Harry was an understanding woman. She would understand Pam's need to keep this particular client safe.
Pam explained to Joan that Dorothy was the mother of a friend of hers. She explained the situation with the safe houses and that there was no safe place for Dorothy to go while she waited. She told Joan that she wanted to keep Dorothy with her until a safe house space opened up.
Joan didn't really like the situation but she understood. She told Pam that she would put another attorney on the case with Pam who would deal with Dorothy's husband so that there would be no risk of him finding out that Dorothy was staying with her.
Pam went back home and got Dorothy up. She didn't look much better than she had earlier but at least some of the swelling had gone down. She explained that they needed to file a police report and get a restraining order against him so that he couldn't come after her. Dorothy hesitantly agreed. Dorothy was clearly scared to death of the step she was taking, but she knew she couldn't go back because the next time he would kill her and she wasn't going to die in his hands.
Pam and Dorothy went to the police station. The officer put in charge of Dorothy's case explained everything that she had to do and helped her get it all done. He also assured her that they would not go after Bob Durham, if she was not pressing charges. He told her that Bob would not be able to find out where she was unless she told someone who might tell him. He also assured her that if Bob came to Tennessee to try to hurt her and she called the police to arrest him, he would not be able to get out of the charges like he could at home. He didn't have any friends down there and after seeing what he did to her this time; the police officer told her that he would personally make sure Bob got prosecuted to the letter of the law if he tried to hurt her again.
Dorothy was clearly relieved. Pam watched and listened to her on the way back to her house. She was a different woman. Pam had explained to her that it would be a little while before they would be able to place her in a safe house because they were all filled up right now. She told Dorothy that she would be staying with her for as long as it took them to find her a place.
Dorothy didn't know what to say. She told Pam didn't have any way to help out on the bills, buy food or anything. Pam told her not to worry about it. Dorothy nodded but Pam knew she would continue to worry about it.
It was late in the evening by the time they got back to Pam's house. They talked for a little while then watched television Dorothy thought about how she had ended up at Pam's house as she began to get sleepy.
She had met Pam Matterson two months ago when Pam had come down to the homeless shelter to hand out business cards to women who were trying to leave their abusive partners. Pam was an attorney from a new national group called the Abused Women's Advocates Yoke, or AWAY, which stood for a united group of women's advocates that were helping abused women. They had networks that helped women be placed in safe houses all over the country so that their abusers couldn't find them.
Pam had handed Dorothy a business card and smiled at her. It was as if Dorothy's story had been written in her eyes and Pam had read it. Dorothy had called Pam the next time she was in Nashville helping with the homeless shelter. Pam had come down and talked to her. Pam had told her that she would help her get away anytime she was ready to leave. Even though Pam had told her time and again to call anytime, Dorothy had not expected the young woman to actually come to her rescue Pam did today. Dorothy let herself drift off to sleep feeling safe for the first time in a long time.
Pam was watching Dorothy. She had smiled at Pam right before she fell asleep. Dorothy had been watching her quietly and smiling like she was remembering a fond memory. She curled up into a loose ball with her arms wrapped around her pillow. She was almost childlike. Pam could just imagine that she probably felt like a child again, needing protection and taken care of as she faced this brand new world she was entering. Pam smiled to herself and thought back to the first day she had met Dorothy.
Pam had felt that there was something special about Dorothy the first time she met her at the homeless shelter. There was something about her eyes that seemed familiar. It wasn't until Dorothy told her about her daughter that Pam realized why eyes were familiar to her. They were the same eyes of a woman Pam had known in college. A woman who had been in love with Pam and whom Pam had hurt.
Pam had seen those same hazel eyes for the first time from across a crowded room at a party when she was in college. She had thought they were very intriguing. They had locked with hers and moved towards her with the woman they belonged to. Pam did not follow basketball so she didn't know who Casey Durham was. Her friends with her at the party that night had noticed Pam looking at Casey and quickly warned her about Casey's promiscuity
Pam had been quite disappointed. She thought Casey was very attractive but she was not interested in being somebody's plaything for the night.
Casey had come over and talked to Pam. Pam had been quite enchanted by Casey's charm. She had been glad that her friends had warned her because she could have easily fallen under Ms. Durham's spell. Pam would never forget the look on Casey's face when Pam had told her that she wasn't interested in being a notch on Casey's bedpost.
Pam wondered if Dorothy knew that Casey was gay. She got up and made sure the older woman had plenty of blankets and went to bed. Pam fell asleep thinking about that night when she met Dorothy Durham's daughter for the first time. She dreamed about it as if she had gone back in time to that moment. It had been so clear....
* * * * * *
Pam was talking with her friends Tiara and Karen. She hadn't been to any parties since she had broken up with Diana. Pam had been devastated by the break up but she had to do it. Diana had been cheating on her for a long time and Pam finally had enough. She promised herself she would never get into a relationship like that one again.
Tiara and Karen had talked her into going out with them because she had been sulking around her apartment for months. When they had got to the party Pam had noticed Casey Durham right away. The tall blond was hard to miss. She carried herself with a strong air of confidence. Pam had watched her for a little while. Suddenly she looked up and saw Casey staring at her. Those hazel eyes twinkled mischievously and Casey began making her way towards Pam.
"Oh no." Tiara had said.
"What?" Pam pulled her eyes away from Casey to look at her friend.
"You've been spotted by the vamp." Karen whispered.
"Vamp?" Pam raised an eyebrow. "Is she going to suck my blood or something?"
"She'll suck your soul right of you if you let her." Tiara answered with Karen nodding in agreement.
"Oh come on, you two. Seriously, what's her story? Make it quick she's on her way over here."
Tiara took a deep breath and spewed what she knew about the seductress Casey Durham without taking a breath. "She is Casey Durham. Hot to trot basketball star for the Vanderbilt Lady Commodores. She has probably slept with every woman in this room except you and she has an impressive collection of notches on her bedpost from women that are not in this room. She is the smoothest sweet talker you'll ever meet. She will make you feel like there is not another woman in this world until after she gets you in her bed. Her longest relationship to date lasted two weeks.
Pam's mouth dropped open slightly. "Are you serious?"
"Very." Tiara straightened up. "Watch yourself."
"Hi!" Casey had said as she comes into their circle.
"Hi!" The three women said in unison.
"So, how've you been?" Tiara gave Casey a seductive smile. Pam didn't need to get hooked up with Casey, Tiara thought to herself, but she wouldn't mind a romp in the sack with Casey. Tiara remembered quite clearly how pleasurable it had been up until she had wanted too much from Casey.
"Good, you?" Casey smiled as the recognition set in.
"Just fine." Tiara moved towards Casey.
"So who are your friends here?" Casey motioned towards Pam and Karen.
Tiara pointed at Karen, "I'm sure you remember Karen." then motioned towards Pam. "This is Pam.
Casey held out her hand to each one but held on to Pam's a little longer. "Of course I remember Karen." Casey nodded and smiled sweetly at the somewhat familiar, shorter woman then turned to Pam. "Very nice to meet you."
Pam understood clearly what Tiara had meant. Just the way Casey was looking at her had made her warm and tingly all over.
"So are you a student at Vanderbilt?" Casey asked, continuing to look at Pam.
"We're both graduating from law school this year." Karen answered.
"Wow! That's great." Casey was being so polite. Pam was really enchanted but she could tell by the way Tiara was acting that Casey apparently had that effect on all the women she talked to. Even level headed Karen, who had apparently slept with Casey also and knew her reputation, seemed to be hanging on her every word.
While they were talking one of Casey's friends had walked up to their group. Casey introduced her, "Ladies, this is Mary DeBoer."
They had all said "Hi" to the tall dark haired woman. Mary asked all of them if they were enjoying the party then she asked Karen if she wanted to dance. Karen let the very pretty ball player pull her out onto the dance floor.
Tiara, disgusted that Casey wasn't paying any attention to her flirtations, offered to go get everyone drinks leaving Casey and Pam alone. "So would you like to dance?" Casey had asked.
"No thanks."
"Why not?"
"Because I know all about you Miss Casey Durham," Pam answered most seriously. "I know all about the notches in your bed post. I've been warned by more than one person this evening that you had been watching me and for me to take care."
Casey tried to act shocked. "Notches on my bed post? I don't have any such thing."
Pam grinned, "You know what I mean. I've heard that you are quite the player and I'm not interested in being one of your trophies."
"Well," Casey said haughtily "I didn't realize that my reputation was so jaded. I do like the ladies but I really don't see any of them as trophies." She tried to put on her 'I'm so offended' look.
Pam had to laugh. "You are really a piece of work." Pam walked off and went to talk with some of her other friends. She had looked back to see a truly shocked Casey staring after her. Pam almost laughed. Had no one ever walked away from her?
CHAPTER TWO
Pam woke up at five-thirty in the morning. She decided to go ahead and get up. She and Dorothy were going to have a busy day. The dream had troubled her. She hadn't had a dream that vivid in a long time. She told herself that it was just because she was helping Casey's mom and Dorothy had those same eyes. Pam had too many memories of those eyes and their different moods. The memory of the pain, sadness and anger she had seen in them the last time she had seen Casey in person, had haunted her for a long time. She prayed that Casey eyes would not be filled with hate the next time they met, Pam looked down at Dorothy's sleeping form, which was going to be soon.
Pam got out of the shower to the smell of coffee brewing Dorothy must be up. Pam came in to the living room where Dorothy was watching the news. "I hope you don't mind that I made coffee." Dorothy said quietly.
"Not at all. How are feeling?"
Dorothy put her fingertips to the swollen side of her face. "Sore. I need to take that pain medicine the doctor gave me, I guess."
Pam looked at Dorothy's bruised face. It looked like the swelling hadn't gone down much. "Yes, you need to do that. If the swelling doesn't go down more by tomorrow, maybe we'll go back to the doctor and have him look at it again."
"No, Pam. I can't do that. I don't know how I'm going to pay you back for the doctor bill you paid yesterday. I can't afford to let you pay for another one." Dorothy pleaded.
Pam sat down next to Dorothy. She gingerly put her arm around Dorothy's shoulders taking care not to squeeze too hard. "I told you yesterday not to worry about that. AWAY will reimburse me or I'll write it off my taxes. I don't want you worrying about that. You just need to focus on getting stronger so we can get Bob out of your life forever, okay?"
Dorothy looked into Pam's eyes and saw the sincerity there. Dorothy wasn't comfortable taking anything from anyone but she would concede this time. "Okay."
"Good. I'm going to get me a cup of coffee. Later, I'm taking you out for breakfast, no arguments." Pam put her finger to Dorothy's lips to hush her protest. "We'll go to my office and finish up some paperwork then we will go grocery shopping. We do still have a deal about you showing me some home cooking techniques, right?"
Dorothy smiled and nodded her head slightly, "Yes we do." Dorothy watched Pam get up and go to the kitchen. She really liked that young girl. She had instantly felt like Pam was someone she could trust completely. She felt uncomfortable inconveniencing Pam like this but there was no other alternative. Pam kept saying it was okay. Dorothy just prayed that the program would find a safe house that had an open spot quickly so Pam could go back to her normal life.
Dorothy went back to watching the news; it was one of her morning routines. Dorothy had missed the national news when she was talking to Pam but they would tell it again in a little bit. They had just come back from a commercial with local news when she saw her car at the rest area. The police were investigating a missing person. Oh my gosh! They were talking about her. "Pam come quickly!" Dorothy cried and turned up the volume.
Pam came rushing in from the kitchen just in time to hear the newscaster say. "Dorothy Durham has been missing since yesterday. Her children believe their mother may have been the victim of domestic violence. Police found blood inside of a car at the Tennessee State Line Welcome Center that they believe to be Dorothy Durham's but nothing else. Robert Durham, of Barker Lake, Kentucky, Mrs. Durham's husband, was taken into custody this morning. Mrs. Durham's son, Chad Durham, said that their father said that he had last seen their mother yesterday morning. Chad Durham was alerted to his mother being missing by her church group that she travels with to Nashville with every other Thursday to help feed the homeless people at the Trinity Homeless Shelter. They were slightly concerned when they went to pick her up yesterday and she didn't answer the door. They became even more concerned when they stopped on their way back through and Bob Durham said he didn't know where she was. The police are doing a thorough search of the area surrounding the rest area as well as the Durham's home and properties in Barker Lake, Kentucky. We'll have more on this story tonight on the six o'clock news."
"Pam what are we going to do! I have to call the children! I didn't expect them to start looking for me so soon." Dorothy stood up and began to pace. "They've arrested Bob. He'll be so mad!"
"Don't worry about him, Dorothy. We'll let the police here tell the police in Kentucky what is going on. We'll make sure that they talk to the state police and not the local police that Bob knows." Pam went and got her cordless phone. Her number would only show as a private number on their caller ID so they wouldn't be able to trace the phone number. "Go ahead and call your kids but don't tell them where you are."
Dorothy took the phone and dialed Chad's number.
* * * * * *
Casey had not slept but maybe an hour all night. As soon as the police had left, she tore into Charles and Chad about letting their mother go back and not telling her about any of it. They were both very upset and felt like this was all their fault. Casey reminded them their father could have gotten to their mom even if they hadn't let her go back. They grudgingly agreed but continued to beat themselves up for not standing up to their father.
The rest of the night had been spent pacing by the phone. The police had called about ten o'clock last night to tell them that they had found their mom's car at the Tennessee state line. They said it had blood in it and that they were going to question their father. Of course, when they got to their father's house he was drunk and belligerent. The state police arrested him on at least two charges other than suspicion of him hurting their mother.
The three of them had taken watches over the phone that night, even though none of them had really slept. Charles and Chad both seemed to be snoozing right now, one at each end of Chad's couch. Casey was sitting in an oversized chair next to the couch by Charles with the phone in her hand.
Casey had just started to nod off when the phone rang. She nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Hello." She greeted the caller groggily.
"Casey?"
"Mom!"
Both boys jumped to their feet. "Is that mom?" They asked at the same time. Casey nodded her head excitedly.
"Where are you?" Casey wanted to know.
"I can't tell you right now, Sweetie," Dorothy answered, "But I'm okay."
"Are you sure? The police said they found blood in your car. Mom what happened?" Casey asked as the tears began pouring out of her eyes. Both brothers were crying with her as they sat on the arms of the chair and wrapped their arms around their sister. Casey held the phone out so they could hear the conversation.
"Oh, Baby," Dorothy began to cry too. "I'm so sorry I had to put you guys through this. I had to get away. Your father beat me up again and I decided I wasn't going to take it any more. I'm with a friend who is going to help me get to a place where your dad won't be able to find me to hurt me anymore."
The siblings continued to hug and wipe their tears as relief set in. "Why can't you come up here and be with us? We'll protect you from him!" Casey told her.
"Honey, you guys can't protect me from him. He will always find something he can hold over your head to get to me." Dorothy answered sternly. "No, this is the best way." Pam was writing a note for her to tell them that her attorney would make arrangements for them to get to see her. Dorothy told the kids this and that seemed to calm them down a bit. Dorothy assured them again that she was okay. "Now, I have to get off here. I have already started some things so that Bob won't be able to come near me. I'll keep in touch. You all keep your chins up and don't let your father upset you. I'll talk to you all very soon, okay?"
"Okay." They all said. They had put her on speaker phone so they could all hear her.
Dorothy hung up and began crying again. Pam put her arms around her client and held her until the sobs finally stopped. "I hate having to put them through all of this but I know they'll understand later."
"They will and they'll be glad you did it this way." Pam reassured her. "So are you ready for breakfast?"
"Yes, I'm starved." Dorothy admitted.
CHAPTER THREE
Casey stayed at Chad's until about one o'clock that afternoon. Chad and she had stayed to help get Charles' children calmed down. They had heard part of the news and some of the adults' conversation. They wanted to know where "Mammaw" was. Charles and his wife, Nancy finally convinced their four year old son, Eddie, and two year old daughter, Amy that their "Mammaw" was fine and would see them soon.
Casey went back to her apartment in Nashville. She had moved one load of stuff from Memphis there last week when she had come to do interviews with the doctors she was doing her residency with. She had brought mostly nonessential stuff, except the couch which she was using as a bed while she was in Nashville.
Casey really needed to get back to Memphis and finish tying up loose ends there. She was just afraid to leave right now. She was terrified that her mother was not as okay as she tried to sound. If she could just see her so she would know for herself, Casey would be able to go back to Memphis and finish her business there. Casey hoped that her mother remembered her new phone number and would call her in the next day or two.
* * * * * *
Pam could see clearly where Casey had gotten her stubbornness from. Dorothy would not be swayed from her decision to cook and clean for Pam. Pam thought she was going to have to get a court order to get her to go back to the doctor to be checked again. Dorothy did feel better about going to the doctor after Pam's boss, Joan, came in to Pam's office and reassured Dorothy that the AWAY program would reimburse Pam for all the money she had spent on medical care for Dorothy.
Dorothy refused to use the phone to call anyone unless Pam was there as said it was okay. Pam understood that this behavior was just part of being abused. She was sure that Bob didn't allow Dorothy to call anyone unless he said it was okay.
The past couple of days had been extremely busy but the process was begun. Pam and Dorothy could both take a breather for a few weeks. That evening after they got back from getting groceries Dorothy seemed very restless. Pam felt she knew what was wrong and finally asked, "Dorothy would you like to call the kids again to reassure them that you are still okay?"
"I don't want to run up your phone bill." Dorothy said with her eyes on the dishes she was washing.
"Don't worry about that. Why don't you go call them? I'll finish up here. I think you will feel much better if you do this." Pam took the dish from her.
Dorothy still didn't feel right using Pam's phone but she did want to talk to the kids. She handed the plate over to Pam with a nod and went into the living room. She called Charles first. He told her that the police had let their father go. Bob, of course, was furious and accusing the boys of having something to do with all of this. He was threatening to go to the hospital board of directors again.
"Charles, I'm so sorry about all this." Dorothy said sadly. She wished that Bob would just leave the kids alone.
"Don't be sorry, Mom. We are all so glad that you are out of there. Don't worry about us. We'll be okay." Charles assured her. Dorothy would continue to worry. She knew that Bob would stop at nothing to get to her.
Chad told her pretty much the same thing. He wanted to know when they would be able to see her. Pam told her to tell them that she was going to make arrangements for all of them to go out to dinner next week. She was still working on reservations and would call each of them to let them know when and where.
Finally Dorothy called Casey. Chad gave her Casey's number at her new apartment in Nashville. Dorothy was so glad she was moving back here. She hated it while she was living in Memphis and traveling with the basketball team. Casey rarely came home after she started playing pro basketball. Dorothy hoped all that would change now that Casey had retired.
"Hi Sweetie!" Dorothy said when Casey answered the phone.
"Mom! Hi! How are you?" Casey asked excitedly.
"I'm good. How are you?"
"Good. I'm so glad you called I've been so worried about you."
"I know. That's why I wanted to call to let you know I'm doing okay."
"Have you talked to Charles and Chad yet?"
"Yes," Dorothy said with a sigh. "They told me about what's going on with your father I hope he leaves them alone."
"Isn't there something your attorney can do to make him leave the boys alone?" Casey was angry about it too.
"I don't know, Hon. I'll ask her about it later. By the way, she is planning on getting all of us together next week for dinner. Are you still going to be in town?"
"Well, now that I'm getting to talk to you, I will go ahead and make another trip to Memphis to get the last of my stuff and take care of things there." Casey replied.
Pam had been listening to the conversation in the background. "Ask her for a number to call her there and I'll let her know when the dinner is going to be, maybe she can come back for it.
Casey heard the voice in the background talking to her mom. It sounded so familiar but she couldn't quite place it. "What was that Mom?"
"She said to find out where we can reach you in Memphis and she'll call you and let you know when and where the dinner is going to be and hopefully you will be able to come back for it."
"Okay, just call me at my old apartment. Do you still have that number?"
"Yes, I do Sweetie. We'll call you there then."
"You be very careful driving back, Hon." Dorothy said, she hated the thought of Casey being on the road by herself.
"I will Mom. I really wish I could see you before I leave though. Is there any way we could work something out?" Casey pleaded.
Dorothy looked at Pam. "Is there any way we could meet with Casey tomorrow before she has to go back to Memphis?"
Pam took a deep breath. She really was not ready to face Casey Durham yet but she knew that she would have to sooner or later. Really it would be better for them to meet again with just Dorothy present and not Casey's whole family. Pam didn't want Dorothy's sons to lose faith in her ability to protect their mother based on what kind of a reaction Casey has upon seeing her again. "Yes, ask her if she could come by my office at about nine in the morning?"
Dorothy asked Casey. "Yes, that would be wonderful." Casey replied, "Where's her office.
Dorothy told Casey where it was. Casey was shocked that it was just a few blocks from her new apartment. Casey was also curious about the woman behind the voice. She knew she should know that voice but no name was coming to mind and her mom hadn't mentioned a name. Casey promised to be there in the morning.
Pam excused herself for the night not long after Dorothy got off the phone with Casey. She was suddenly quite tired. She was so concerned about how Casey was going to react when she saw who her mom's attorney was. Pam and Casey had not been on friendly terms the last time Pam had seen Casey. It was Pam's fault that they weren't. She had hurt Casey badly but at the time she couldn't explain to Casey all of the reasons for what she had done. At the time, Pam didn't think Casey would not have understood.
CHAPTER FOUR
The next morning Casey woke up early. She couldn't wait to get to see her mom. Casey was so afraid that she was in worse shape than she wanted the kids to know. She found herself pacing and watching the clock until it was time to go. Finally at fifteen minutes until nine she headed out. It didn't take five minutes to get there. She was really hoping that she wasn't going to have to wait until right at nine o'clock.
She went into the AWAY office and walked up to the receptionist desk. "Hi. I'm Casey Durham. I'm here to see my mother."
"Yes, Ms. Durham. You're expected; please follow me to Ms. Matterson's office." The receptionist got up and led her to an office at the end of the hall. That name struck a familiar cord with Casey, like the voice. She had a feeling she should know this person.
The receptionist knocked at a door with frosted glass. Casey did not notice the name on stenciled on the glass. The receptionist poked her head in at the sound of a voice on the other side. She stepped back and said, "Go on in."
Casey stepped in to the office. She saw her mother standing in front of the desk. Casey rushed over and scooped her mom up in a big bear hug. She immediately sat her back down. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No, Hon, I'm fine." Dorothy hugged Casey to her. "It is so good to see you."
"Oh, you too. I was so worried." Casey pulled back. "Let me look at you." Her doctor's eyes took in every bruise on her mom's face. "Did he break anything?" She asked through gritted teeth.
"No, just bruises. I've been to the doctor twice and he said I'm healing up just fine."
"Good." Casey hugged her again. "I'm so glad you are getting out of there."
"Me too. I've never felt this free in my life." Dorothy pulled back and smiled up at her daughter who towered over her by about six inches. "I really owe it all to my wonderful attorney. If she hadn't given me her card down at the homeless shelter, I might not be here right now."
"Well, where is this wonderful attorney?"
"She's right here." Dorothy said pointing behind Casey. "Casey this is Pam Matterson. My savior."
Casey spun around to see someone she was hoping she was not going to run into period. She took a deep breath. Casey knew her mom was watching so she held out her hand politely to Pam. "Pam." Casey said tightly.
Pam took Casey's hand and put on a smile. "It's good to see you again, Casey." She said trying not to show the jolt her body had felt when she took Casey's hand. Pam was shocked. She hadn't expected to feel that again, especially not with Casey standing there glaring at her. She was not even trying to hide the anger in her eyes. "We've got your mom well on her way to being a completely free woman." Pam went on trying to break the tension.
"That's wonderful." Casey said dropping Pam's hand. "I'm very thankful that you are helping my mom."
"Well, she's a wonderful lady who deserves a better life." Pam looked away from Casey's cold stare and moved towards her desk.
"Yes, this is very true." Casey took another deep breath and turned around to face her mother who was giving her a questioning look.
Dorothy could feel the tension and coldness that suddenly came over Casey. Pam had told her that morning that she had known Casey in college but there was clearly something wrong between them. "Pam is going to try to get me assigned to a safe house here in Nashville, until then she is letting me stay with her. Hopefully they will find something soon, I hate inconveniencing Pam."
"Why can't she come live at my apartment?" Casey asked looking directly at Pam.
"Because your father will look there for her," Pam pointed out. "Men like your father don't just let this drop. He will continue to look for her long after he remarries and moves on with his life."
Casey pondered that thought for a moment then agreed. "You're right. Well, how much is this going to cost? What can I give you for mom's upkeep while she's staying with you?"
"Nothing." Pam answered unwaveringly.
Casey's eyes had not left Pam for the entire exchange. She was making it clear that she was not happy about Pam's answer. "Surely you'll need money for food, extra utilities, laundry or something?"
Pam clenched her jaw and continued to give Casey a look that said there was no arguing with her about this. "No, I don't need any money. You're mom is costly me very little extra, all of which I will right off my taxes."
Casey gritted her teeth but didn't argue. She hated having to leave her mom so soon but she had to get out of this office. She turned to her mom, "If you need anything, you call me."
"I will." Dorothy promised. She was completely perplexed by this tension between the two young women. She would have to ask Pam about it later.
Casey took out a business card and wrote her new phone number and her number in Memphis. She handed it to Pam. "I'm only planning on being in Memphis for another week. Let me know when and where this dinner is going to be."
Pam took the card from Casey, careful not to touch her hand again. "I will. I'm expecting it to be late in the week, probably next Thursday or Friday."
"Good, I'll make sure to be back by then." Casey turned to her mom. "I'm going to get going so I can get everything wrapped up in Memphis and get back. I'll call Mrs. Matterson's..."
"It's Ms. Matterson." Pam corrected with extra emphasis on the Ms.
Casey turned to give Pam another glare and then turned back to her mother and smiled sweetly, "I'll call Ms .Matterson's office and let them know when I'm back in town. I want you to call me if anything happens or even if you just want to talk. Okay?"
"I will, Sweetie. I promise." Dorothy hugged her daughter tightly. She had hoped they could visit longer but Casey was clearly eager to get on her way.
Casey gave her mom one last squeeze. She glanced over at Pam as she turned to leave. "Pam." She said and gave a slight bow.
"Casey." Pam returned. Pam let out a sigh as Casey walked out the door. She was really glad now that they had this little exchange at her office instead of at the restaurant. She wished Dorothy had not been there though. Pam could tell by the look on her face that she had many questions about what had just happened. Pam wasn't sure what she was going to tell her.
* * * * * *
Casey couldn't believe it. Pam Benton was her mom's attorney, or rather Pam Benton Matterson. Terri had told her about Pam getting married not long after Casey left to go to Memphis. Casey had not wanted to hear anymore about what was going on with Pam after that.
Casey had been so hurt and mad because of Pam's rejection. She had given up her wild lifestyle and had been ready to settle down. Pam had never even given her a chance.
After their disastrous meeting at that first party, Casey and Pam had become friends and Casey never hid the fact that she wanted to be more than friends. Pam had led Casey to believe that she might be a chance if she could convince Pam that she had given up the one night stands and party lifestyle. Casey had been so nuts about Pam that she would have done anything to be with her. Apparently she couldn't do enough. After months of abstinence and being at Pam's every beck and call, Pam had flatly turned Casey down when Casey had asked her to become her lifelong partner. Casey had walked away from Pam that night and not looked back. She wouldn't even speak to Pam when Pam had approached her at their graduation.
Now Pam was back in her life, at least for awhile. Casey was very thankful that Pam was helping her mom. She was just going to have to make it a point to try to be nice to Pam around her mom. She didn't want her mom asking too many questions. Casey still had not found the courage to tell her mom that she was gay. Right now she didn't want to add to anymore to her mom's worries. Casey couldn't believe that Pam's husband would allow her to move a client into their home. Especially a client whose was the mother of someone who had pursued her romantically in college. Well, she probably hadn't told her husband about that part of her life. Casey made a mental note to call Terri later and find out what kind of person Pam's husband was. She wanted to make sure that no one was going to make her mom feel uncomfortable again.
CHAPTER FIVE
Casey pushed Pam and her mom's situation out of her mind for the moment. She had enough problems to deal with now that she was back in Memphis.
Casey had made herself call her former girlfriend, Sara Dempsey, to try to get the last of her stuff. She and Sara had parted on very bad terms and Sara had been making things difficult for Casey ever since. She tried to make Casey out to be the bad guy in the break up. She told all of their friends that Casey had been cheating on her and that was why she had cheated on Casey. She made Casey wait for almost two months before she would let her move the majority of her clothes and furniture out of her apartment. She hid many of Casey's personal effects, such as her CD's in order to force Casey to come back looking for them. Each time she tried to seduce Casey into getting back together. Casey refused.
Casey was angry with herself for being so blind to Sara's scheme. Casey had been completely smitten by the confident blond. She was very beautiful and charming. She had played Casey at Casey's own game except Casey never set out to intentionally hurt anyone. Casey had always made it clear that she was just playing around with all of her girlfriends except Pam. After Pam, Casey had planned to stay clear of relationships but Sara had made Casey think she was looking for a lifetime commitment.
What Casey didn't know was that Sara was into socializing with the doctors' circle in Memphis, as well as with the professional athletes, in an effort to win herself a prestigious position in the community. Sara came from inherited money. She didn't want to have to earn a living and planned on getting her prestigious position in the community by sleeping her way into it.
Sara had really thought she'd found her dream catch with Casey because Casey was a pro athlete studying to be a doctor. Things were going well until Casey began to talk about moving back to Nashville to be closer to her family. Sara didn't want to have to start her scheming all over in a new town, especially since she had so many connections in Memphis. Sara decided to start looking for a new lover. She decided that this time she would go after a doctor. Despite the fact that she loved having sex with women, she decided that being a doctor's wife would be a much more important and powerful position than the lover of a lesbian doctor.
Casey found out at a medical community fund raiser that Sara was sleeping with both men and women from a male colleague that Sara had propositioned. Casey confronted Sara in a back room of the clubhouse where the fundraiser was being held. Sara tried to lie about what she was doing. Casey told her that she had been told by the man Sara propositioned about her affairs. Sara finally confessed that she had decided she wanted to be a doctor's wife. Casey walked away with no intentions of looking back. Unfortunately for Casey, Sara decided to play games with Casey and her property. Casey was almost done with the game. Sara had about one hundred dollars worth of Casey's CD's but Casey had decided that she would leave them behind if Sara made it too difficult to get them.
The more Casey thought about the situation she was leaving behind in Memphis and the one she thought she had left behind long ago; she decided that she was going to stay away from relationships all together for while. She was going to focus on her new career direction and little else.
Casey decided this trip to Memphis was her last. She had finished all her paperwork involving her retirement from the Memphis Blues. She was going to gather the rest of her stuff and say goodbye to her friends then head back to Nashville for good.
* * * * * *
This had been an incredibly long week for Casey. The Memphis Blues threw her a huge retirement party. Marsha Collins, the head coach, spent the whole night trying to talk Casey out of retiring. Casey wouldn't be swayed. She had torn up both of her knees in the past five years and was afraid she was going to do permanent damage if she kept going. This past season she had a career low in points and rebounds and Casey could feel herself being pulled towards home.
All her friends on the team had gotten her gifts. Many of them silly gag gifts but Casey appreciated them all. The party was the high light of her week.
The rest of the week was spent packing and trying to tie up loose ends. She had the electric, water, cable and phone all set to be shut off by the day after tomorrow. She had packed everything she wanted to take and loaded it into the U-Haul truck. Everything else she gave to Goodwill or threw away. She had been trying to get Sara to set a time for her to pick up her CD's. Sara was apparently trying to avoid her. Casey had decided to that if she couldn't get Sara to meet with her today she was just going to leave without the CD's and buy new ones. She hated to do that because it was a lot of money but she was tired of dealing with Sara and she needed to get back to Nashville by Friday.
Pam had called on Tuesday and left a message on Casey's voice mail to let her know that the dinner would be Friday night. Casey was glad she had not been there to take the call. She was really very uncomfortable with having to deal with Pam. Casey tried to remind herself that what had happened had been a long time ago. It didn't help much. Just thinking about Pam brought back the pain she had felt at Pam's rejection. Casey didn't understood Pam still not trusting her at that time. Casey had a very sorted past as far as relationships but Pam wouldn't give her a chance even after Casey spent months staying close to Pam so that Pam would see that Casey had given up the one night stands and wild affairs. Casey had never gone that far to win anyone before and she wouldn't again.
Sara had not helped Casey's feelings about relationships. Casey had put all of her energy into her relationship with Sara. She did everything she thought she should to make Sara happy. The bad thing was that Sara did act happy because she was having her cake and eating it too. She had Casey wrapped around her little finger while she was having affairs on the side to get good political and social positions. It might have taken Casey a long time to find out about Sara's affairs if Sara had not propositioned the wrong person. Casey had been very thankful that her good friend and colleague Dr. Mark Andersen had been the one Sara propositioned. No one else had bothered to tell her what Sara was up to. Casey had been devastated. She had no idea that Sara was fooling around behind her back.
Just thinking about it now made Casey sick. She was angry with Sara but she was more angry with herself for not seeing what was happening right under her nose. She dialed Sara's number angrily. She was giving her one last chance. Casey was about to hang up after four rings when Sara answered the phone. "Hello."
"Sara?" Casey said through gritted teeth.
"Casey. I am so sorry. I had forgotten all about you wanting your CD's." Sara purred.
Yeh, right, Casey thought to herself. "Can I come over and get them now. I'm leaving first thing in the morning."
"Sure, come on over. I'll be here all night." Sara said sweetly.
"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes." Casey hung up the phone. That was entirely too easy. Sara was up to something. Casey decided to take some precautions. She had a feeling that Sara was going to try to seduce her into having sex with her one last time.
Casey called her friend, Jo Ann and asked her to go to Sara's with her. Casey knew that Jo would deter any romantic tactics that Sara might have in mind. Jo was the travel coordinator for the Blues. Jo had her own reasons for not liking Sara and she had been really mad when she found out about Sara cheating on Casey.
Just as Casey had suspected, Sara was dressed in a silk night shirt with her robe barely concealing her full breasts. She was clearly disappointed to see Jo with Casey. She gave Casey a pout. A few months ago Casey would have run Jo home and come right back for a night of wild sex. Today, Casey just gave her a smug grin. "So where are my CD's?"
"In here, come on in. I've got them ready to go." Sara said in a sulky tone.
Casey and Jo pushed past her. Sara and Jo exchanged glares. Sara had tried to put moves on Jo once because Jo looks like she was a big ole' dyke but she's actually a straight good ole' country girl. Jo had laughed at her and told her she wasn't equipped right. Sara had caused a huge scene to embarrass Jo and the two of them hadn't gotten along since.
Sara was, of course, lying. She hadn't even looked for Casey's CDs. The living room was lit up with candles and soft music was playing. Jo gave Casey a raised eyebrow. "Don't you just hate when you are right?"
"Yep," Casey said looking around. "Alright, where are they?"
Sara pointed to the bottom of the stereo cabinet "They're in there." She said in a resigned tone.
Casey sat down and started going through them. She handed the ones she knew where hers to Jo who put them in a box. Casey found most all of them. She decided she would just get new copies of the ones she couldn't find. She got up and looked around for anything else that was hers. "Well, I guess that's it." Casey said finally.
"No, wait a minute." Sara sighed. She went into the bedroom and came out with two more CD's. They were Casey's favorite Janet Jackson CD's.
Casey took them from Sara. "Thanks."
Sara came up to Casey, put her hand on Casey's chest just above her breast and looked into Casey's eyes seductively. "Can I at least have one last kiss?"
"You kiss her and I'll smack you." Jo said grabbing Casey's arm, spinning Casey around to face her. "Let's get out of here before she gives you some cooties."
Casey burst out laughing. Sara opened her mouth then shut it again. She stamped her foot, turned, went into her bedroom, slamming the door. Casey and Jo left the apartment. Both of them were laughing hysterically by the time they got to Casey's car. "Man, I'm going to miss you so much. You are going to have to come out to Nashville to see me."
"I will." Jo assured her. "I may have a winter job there for the Nashville Predators. I'm supposed to find out something in the next couple of weeks."
"That is so great!" Casey was very excited for her friend. "Well, you know that you've always got a place to stay in Nashville anytime."
"I really appreciate that, Case. I may just take you up on that when they call me to come out for my final interview."
"You better." Casey said wagging a finger at Jo.
"I will." Jo smiled at Casey. They talked the rest of the way back to Casey's apartment about the possibility of Jo being a part-time roommate. Casey didn't have any plans of having of too many other people being there. She definitely would not be having any live in lovers for a long time.
CHAPTER SIX
The next morning couldn't come quickly enough. Casey tossed and turned all night. She had dreams about Sara. She had dreams about Pam. She had nightmares about her father. She finally gave up trying to sleep at three in the morning. She decided to go ahead and leave. She gave one last look at the apartment she had lived in for five years and headed out.
Memphis was quiet when Casey left. It was dark with just a few building on the skyline lit up. She had enjoyed living there. She had got a good education. She had a blast playing pro basketball there. The fans were the best but it was time to move on.
The late summer morning didn't give way to sunrise until almost six-thirty. Casey found herself thinking about the dinner that night and seeing Pam again. Casey was not looking forward to the meeting. She was going to have to make a point to try not to give Pam hateful looks. Her mom was paying very close attention to the interactions between her and Pam. Her mom obviously thought a lot of Pam and wanted Casey and her brothers to as well. Casey would try to put the past behind her. She would try to view Pam as just her mother's attorney and not a bitter memory.
Casey finally arrived in Nashville right in the middle of rush hour. Fortunately she didn't have to travel on the interstate far. She got off and wove her way through town to get to her apartment. She called Terri to let her know she was at her apartment. Terri had taken the day off to help Casey get moved in. Terri told her she would be there shortly to help her. Casey went ahead and began packing boxes out of the truck up to her apartment.
Terri got there about an hour later. It took her and Casey four hours to unload the truck and set up Casey's apartment, after which Casey ordered pizza for the two of them. They hadn't talked much during the moving. Casey had been mulling over how to tell Terri that Pam was her mom's attorney. Terri helped by bringing up the subject. "So how's your mom? I got your message that she turned up."
"She's good. She's staying with her attorney until the Abused Women's Advocates Yoke can find her a safe house to move into."
"I've heard about them." Terri commented between bites. "I heard that they have networks of women in businesses and private homes that help the women get away from their abusers. Many times there are women who will take the women on the run into their home and let them hide out there for while. I heard that all of the businesses involved have very strict protection policies in effect. Only a few select people within the company actually know that these women have different identities than the one they come into the company with."
"Wow." Casey was very surprised. "I didn't know much about it. I was just glad that they were helping Mom get out."
Terri played with her pizza a little. She was afraid to tell Casey this but she needed to know. "Ah, I'm not sure how to tell you this but Pam is one of the attorneys down there."
Casey let out a sigh, "I know. She's my mom's attorney."
"Seriously?" Terri was surprised Casey seemed to be taking that so well.
"Yeh, I met Mom at her office last week." Casey shook her head. "I didn't react very well to seeing her. I kept my cool but I know my mom noticed the tension between us."
"Well, look at it this way, Pam is a very good attorney. She's helped a lot of women get better lives."
"I'm sure she has. I have no doubt that she's a good attorney." Casey poked at her pizza. "My mom likes her a lot. Apparently she had mom meet her at the Tennessee state line rest area and brought her to Nashville. She took her to the doctor and did everything else for her." Casey fidgeted some more. She had to ask Terri this question. She wasn't sure if Terri would know the answer. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. "She's got my mom staying with her. How do you think her husband feels about that?"
Terri took a deep sigh. She knew it was hard for Casey to talk about Pam but she needed to know the answers to these questions. "She isn't married anymore."
Casey looked up. "Oh really?"
"Yeh," Terri watched Casey's expression to know when to stop with the information she was about to give her. "She was married to John Matterson for about three years. They parted amicably. She apparently told him about her sexuality. They worked out an agreement so he could get a senior partnership with her father's firm."
"I thought she was working for her father."
"She was. They had a huge falling out over a case and Pam went to work at AWAY right after that." Terri wasn't sure if she should go on. She watched Casey and Casey seemed to be taking it all in and digesting it. "Her father had pushed her into the marriage with John and was quite mad when they got divorced." Terri hesitated but Casey still seemed to be interested. "He accused her of leaving John for a woman. John stood up for her but Pam let her father know that she was going back to her gay lifestyle. He told her that he wasn't going to have anything to do with her as long as she continued that lifestyle and they haven't spoken since."
"So when exactly did her dad make her marry John?"
Terri was afraid she was going to ask that. "The summer after she graduated law school."
Casey pursed her lips. That was right after she shut Casey down. Casey might be able to have a little forgiveness for Pam if her father was pushing her to not have a relationship with a woman at the time Casey was pursuing her. She would still be mad that Pam had not told her that. She had thought that she and Pam were close enough of friends that Pam could have told her something like that.
Terri watched Casey thinking it all over. Casey pursed and twisted her lips. She seemed to be between angry and confused. "I think I know what you want to know." Casey looked up at Terri and raised an eyebrow in question. "Her father was putting a lot of pressure on her to leave behind the gay lifestyle and get married. He pretty much told her that he would not hire her at his firm if she didn't walk away from the life she had been living."
Casey nodded. She really didn't want to hear anymore. Knowing this put a bit of a different light on things, but Casey still wasn't quite ready to forgive Pam. Pam should have told her what was going on. She would have been hurt still but she would have understood where Pam was coming from. She wouldn't have felt that Pam was just not giving her a chance to prove she could be faithful.
"So, how's Beth?" Casey asked, deciding it was time to change the subject.
"She's good." Terri was glad she had told Casey these things. Maybe now she and Pam would be able to work together to help Casey's mom
.
* * * * * *
Pam was so nervous about tonight's dinner. She had been worrying about it all week. She really wanted to make an impression on Dorothy's sons. Most importantly, she wanted to make an impression on Dorothy's daughter. Pam hadn't realized it until tonight when she was trying to get dressed for dinner. She had been through at least six outfits and couldn't find one that gave the impression she wanted to give. When she analyzed what kind of impression she was looking for, her thoughts went to: What would Casey think I look attractive in? She couldn't believe that was the first thought that went through her head. She kept trying to give herself a mental shake. Casey didn't like her anymore. She was not going to be checking me out, Pam told herself.
Finally she gave up. She couldn't get her mind off of Casey and what Casey was going to think about her, what she was wearing, what she was saying. She went to the guest room and asked Dorothy to come and help her. "I can't decide what to wear."
Dorothy had to giggle. Her normally very professional lawyer seemed to be flustered. They went back to Pam's room where Pam had the outfits she had gone through strewn across the bed. Dorothy walked right over to a very nice dark blue business suit. "You look incredible in this." Dorothy stated picking up the jacket.
"Thank you very much. I was kind of favoring that one too." Pam took the jacket from Dorothy.
Pam finally got dressed and was ready. She was really glad that it was time to go and she wouldn't have anymore time to think about what was getting ready to happen.
As they drove, Pam looked over at Dorothy in the passenger seat of her car. Pam had taken her out for a make over earlier in the day. She looked absolutely incredible. Her bruises had almost completely healed, which was part of the reason they had waited to have this dinner with the kids. Dorothy didn't want the boys to see how badly their dad had beaten her this time.
Pam had chosen a quiet restaurant downtown to have the dinner. It was one of Pam's favorite places. She had given the boys and Casey instructions on how to get there. Pam was really hoping that they were already there when she and Dorothy got there.
Pam wasn't disappointed. They could see the three of them standing in front of the restaurant talking when they pulled into the parking lot up the street. "Let me walk in front of you." Dorothy said as they got out of the car. "The kids have never seen me made up. I want to see if they will recognize me."
Dorothy knew that Casey would recognize Pam right away so she had her walk about six feet behind her. Dorothy walked right into the middle of their little group. They all were surprised by the intrusion and even more surprised when they realized who she was. Charles was the first. He had turned around to give her a glare for bursting into their group but Dorothy smiled at him. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to figure out where he knew her from. When the recognition came his eyes popped open wide. He grabbed her up into a big bear hug. "Oh my God," He cried.
Casey and Chad swung their heads around to see who he was hugging then joined in for a big family hug. After a few minutes of hugging and kissing, they all pulled back to look at each other.
"Wow Mom!" Chad shook his head, "I would not have recognized you! You look fabulous!"
"I just couldn't believe my eyes!" Chimed in Charles, "You look like a different person. I can't believe how much better you look."
Dorothy blushed slightly. "Thank you, Sweetie."
"Yeh, Mom," Casey added, "You look beautiful." Casey turned to Pam, who had just reached there group. "You did this, didn't you?"
Pam smiled sheepishly, "I took her to Maude Long."
Casey smiled and nodded in acknowledgment of who Pam was talking about. Maude was one of Casey's many college flings and one of the best make-up artist in Nashville.
"She sends her best to you, by the way." Pam added quietly.
Casey nodded again then turned to the boys. "This is Pam Benton..."She paused and looked at Pam apologetically because she had forgotten her new last name.
Pam smiled understandingly. "Matterson. Pamela Benton Matterson. I'm your mother's attorney through AWAY." She shook hands with both men. "Let's go inside." She led everyone into the restaurant.
The host called out to Pam. "Ah, Ms. Matterson, it's good to see you."
"Thank you, Chas." Pam smiled sweetly, "Is my table ready?"
The host bowed slightly and pointed towards the back of the restaurant, "Yes, right this way."
Her table? Casey thought to herself. It would seem that Pam had come a long way in the past five years. Casey watched how professional she was. The way she was dressed in the dark blue business suit with slight heals. Even the style of her hair said she was a professional woman. They way she talked and carried herself said that she had knowledge and self-confidence. Casey remembered that Pam was well on her way to being this woman back when they were friends. Casey was quite impressed with the woman Pam had become. She couldn't help but think that Pam was even more beautiful now.
They all sat down at the table and ordered drinks. They looked over the menus quickly and ordered their dinners. While they waited for their food, Pam began explaining to the boys and Casey how the AWAY program worked.
Casey was listening to Pam but she was also watching Pam's mannerisms as she talked. Pam liked to use her hands when she talked. Casey's eyes began traveling to more places than she intended. She noticed that Pam had earrings that had sapphires in them that almost matched her eyes. She was wearing the slightest bit of makeup. She had always been like that with makeup. No nail polish. Short, neatly manicured nails. No rings. She was wearing a satin peach colored blouse under her jacket that was buttoned conservatively almost to her throat.
Pam was explaining the legalities of the AWAY program and why it was crucial that none of the kids know exactly where their mother was for awhile when she noticed that Casey was checking her out. She couldn't believe it. She stopped in mid-sentence. A chill ran all through her body when she saw the look of approval and appreciation on Casey's face.
"Ms. Matterson?" Chad broke into her thoughts.
Casey looked up and met Pam's eyes when she heard Chad say Pam's name. They both quickly looked away. "Sorry." Pam flushed apologetically, hoping that everyone else at the table had not been paying attention to all that. "I just thought I saw someone I knew." Pam said, letting go of a little dig towards Casey. "This is why it's so important for you mom...." Pam went on with what she had been originally saying. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Casey grinning behind her glass. So the dig had hit its mark, Pam noted.
Yes it had. Casey couldn't help but grin at Pam's remark. She had looked Pam over like that many times in the past. Casey was a bit surprised to see Pam's reaction. She had looked surprised, a little embarrassed and flattered. Didn't she think Casey would still find her attractive?
Maybe Pam hadn't expected Casey to be interested in looking at her considering the last parting. Even though Casey was still angry about what had happened before, she couldn't help but look. Who wouldn't? She was a beautiful woman. Casey let her eyes wonder around the room. Sure enough, Pam was drawing quite a bit of attention from men and a few women. As Casey's eyes wondered they came around to meet her mom's, who was giving her a puzzled look. Her mom looked over at Pam then back to Casey. Casey wondered if she had seen the exchange between her and Pam. This would be the second time she had seen a strange exchange between them. She was probably trying to figure out what was going on.
Dorothy had seen the exchange and she was really wondering what had happened between the two of them. Had they fought over a man? Dorothy couldn't put her finger on it but there was definitely tension between the two of them.
By the night's end, Casey, Charles and Chad were convinced that Pam was taking good care of their mother. Casey had never really had any doubts. Both of the boys had liked Pam right away and were talking with her like they were old friends.
The kids gave their mother a hug as they got ready to leave. They all shook hands with Pam, including Casey. Dorothy promised to call each one of them and give them weekly updates as to how things were progressing.
On the way back to Pam's apartment, Dorothy made the comment, "I think you've made quite an impression on my children. I think they are quite relieved and have full confidence in you."
Pam reached over and patted Dorothy's hand. "I hope so. They all seem to be good people, like their mom."
"Thank you." Dorothy smiled. Pam was such a sweet girl and Casey was always very easy going and got along with everyone. She just couldn't imagine what on earth could have happened between them to make them not like each other.
* * * * * *
The following morning a large boutique of Pam's favorite flowers: daisies, hollyhocks, gardenias, pink roses and tulips, arrived at Pam's office. "Wow!" Pam's secretary, Amy, said as she carried them in to Pam's office. "Somebody either knows you or got real lucky guessing."
Pam laughed, "I can't imagine either one. Even John could never remember the hollyhocks. It must be from my mom." Pam started looking for the cared wondering why her mom would be sending her flowers. It wasn't her birthday or any other special occasion. Finally she found the card that had fallen down into the flowers. It read, "I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you have done for my mom. I'm forever in your debt. Friends, Casey."
Pam was grinning from ear to ear by the time she got done reading the card. It was so chivalrous. It was so Casey. Pam couldn't believe Casey had remembered all of her favorite flowers. Pam chewed her lip a bit. She hoped that this meant that Casey had forgiven her for what had happened in the past and that they would be able to be friends.
"So?" Amy asked impatiently.
Pam kept grinning and put the card in her pocket. "They're from an old friend."
"So you have old friends sending you flowers now." A new voice came from the doorway. It was Stacy, the woman Pam had been dating.
Pam was surprised to see her there. They had a huge fight when Pam told her that she was letting Dorothy stay with her. Stacy had told Pam to call her when she moved the old woman out. "So what brings you over to this neck of the woods?" Pam asked coolly. She was still quite mad that Stacy was being so childish about Dorothy staying with her.
"I thought I would take you out to lunch." Stacy came up to Pam's desk and sniffed the flowers. "That is if you don't already have a date." Stacy gave Pam a questioning look.
"No. I don't have another date." Pam gritted her teeth a little. She didn't know why she put up with Stacy's crap but she really didn't feel like fighting right now "I'd be glad to have lunch with you." Pam turned to Amy, "Only put through emergency phone calls."
"You got it boss lady." Amy said and bounced off into the other room. She wondered who this old friend was. She really hoped that who ever it was came and took Pam from the barracuda. Amy had not liked Stacy the first time she met her. She really couldn't see why someone as beautiful and intelligent as Pam would waste her time with an average looking dyke.
Pam dropped off a note at Amy's desk ask she walked by. "Take care of this while I'm out." She said as it landed on Amy's desk.
Amy picked it up after the two of them had walked out the door. It read, "Call me in an hour. Say that there is an emergency with one of the clients and that I must come back right away." Amy shook her head. Why didn't she just tell Stacy to buzz off?
Stacy took Pam to a sandwich shop down the street from Pam's office. Stacy was the head grounds keeper for the city parks. She could take off for an hour or so while her crew worked and no one would notice. "So when's the old woman moving out?" Stacy asked right after they ordered.
"I don't know. We still haven't had an opening come up." Pam said evenly.
"You can't send her to Texas or something?" Stacy asked irritably.
"No," Pam answered still keeping her cool. "She wants to stay close to her children so we are trying to find something closer to Nashville."
"It's been over two weeks, Pam." Stacy did not understand Pam's need to take these people in. They make some stupid mistakes and got themselves hooked up with the wrong people. She didn't need to treat them like lost children.
"I know how long it's been, Stacy." Pam was working real hard at not getting hateful. "I told you before that she will be staying with me as long as it takes."
"What about us?" Stacy practically growled. "So when are you going to have time for us?"
"We could still be talking with each other if you weren't being so difficult about this." Pam shot back.
"I want to do more than talk. We can't do that with grandma in the living room. I know that you don't want to run off and leave her alone. So what about that?"
"So is that all our relationship is about?"
"No, but I would like for us to be able to kiss or hold hands."
Pam was so sick of trying to explain the importance of helping her clients to Stacy. "Stacy, it's not going to kill you to talk to me with out kissing me for a few weeks. Dorothy is safe with me and that's what is most important."
"And I'm not important?"
"I didn't say that."
"And what is this about you getting flowers from an "old friend". Are you seeing someone else?" Stacy demanded.
Pam looked around to make sure no one was watching their exchange. "No, I'm not seeing anyone else. My "old friend" sent me flowers in appreciation for something I did for them."
"Them? So it was more than one friend?"
"Alright!" Pam hissed. "They were from a woman. No we were never lovers. No, we aren't sneaking out now. She was just simply showing her appreciation for me helping her, period."
The waitress brought their food. They stopped arguing and began eating. Pam picked at her food. She was fuming. She had spent the past year doing this bickering back and forth with Stacy and she was tired of it.
Pam's phone rang, making her jump. She had been absorbed in her thoughts about how to call things off with Stacy without causing a huge scene that she forgot Amy was supposed to call her. Pam looked at her watch. It was too soon to be Amy. "Hello."
"I know you said to wait an hour but there's been a real emergency." Amy said excitedly.
The first thing that went through Pam's head was that Bob had found Dorothy. "Okay, what happened?"
"Lucy Rodriguez's husband found out where she was working and went out there. I guess it was real bad. Lucy is at Vanderbilt. You need to go up there." Amy hated it when things like this happened.
"Oh my God. She's at Vanderbilt? It must be bad. Okay. Thank you Amy, I'll leave right away." Pam started getting her stuff together. "I have to leave. One of my client's husbands found out where she worked and put her in the hospital."
"This is bull shit!" Stacy stormed. "It can't wait until after you're done eating?"
Pam glared down at her. "One of my clients is in the hospital, again, because of her abuser. I have to go see her."
"Pam, you need to choose right now between me and them." Stacy threw the ultimatum up at Pam.
Pam was relieved to be given her way out. "Them." She said and walked away.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The past few weeks had been extremely busy for Casey. She had a busy schedule each day. She was off on Mondays and Wednesdays but those days were filled with studying. Although Casey had talked to Pam a few times, she hadn't really had time to really analyze how she was feeling about Pam right now. She was more beautiful than ever. She still made Casey's heart skip a beat when she smiled at her. Knowing that Pam's father had been pushing her into getting married to a man during the time Casey was courting her had eased some of Casey's pain but Pam should have told her. Casey would have been disappointed but she would have understood. It wouldn't have hurt Casey as much as thinking Pam just didn't want her did.
Casey wasn't going to let herself dwell on it. She had enough going on with her residency and worrying about what was going to happen to her mother now. She did try to get out and play basketball at least a few times a week. She had worked out a schedule with Terri for them to play together. That was her only real down time.
The holidays were just around the corner and Casey was hoping that they would be able to have a family dinner at someone's house. Charles really wanted to have Thanksgiving at his house this year. Casey and Chad said that was fine. They just had to find a way to get their mom there. Casey was really hoping that they would be able to get together for a cookout sometime this fall before the weather turned bad. Maybe she could talk to Pam about them all meeting at a public park somewhere in Nashville. Surely her father would not try anything at a park. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to find them.
Casey decided that she would stop by Pam's office while she was running some errands to see if Pam could work out a time for her and the boys to get together with their mother and have a cookout.
Casey got to Pam's office at about ten o'clock. It was quite busy. Casey wondered if it was always like that on Mondays. She had come on a Friday the last time she was here and it had been pretty busy then.
Casey approached the receptionist desk. "Hi. I'm a daughter of one of Pam...Matterson's clients. Is there any way I might be able to see Pam for a few minutes?"
"Just one minute. I'll call back to see what her schedule looks like." The receptionist answered and called Pam's secretary. "Pam's secretary will be right up to talk to you."
A few minutes later a small woman with long, sandy blond hair came out of one of the back offices. The receptionist pointed at Casey to let her know who was waiting. "Hi. I'm Amy Jensen, Pam Matterson's secretary. How can I help you?"
"My mother is one of Pam's clients. I wanted to talk to her about arranging a cookout so my brothers and I could visit with our mom." Casey explained.
"Okay. What's your name?"
"Casey Durham."
"The Casey Durham? Didn't you play at Vanderbilt?" Amy asked.
"Yes, ma'am, that would be me." Casey puffed up a bit, proudly.
"Wow. I was a big fan of yours. I really hated it that you retired from playing professionally. The Blues won't be the same without you." Amy said sweetly.
"Well, thank you. So, is there any way I can speak to Pam about the cookout for a few minutes?"
"Sure." Amy motioned for her to follow her "She is just about done with the client she is with. I'll slip you in between clients."
"I really appreciate this." Casey said gratefully.
"No problem." Amy motioned for Casey to sit down in her office while she went to talk to Pam.
Casey looked around the room as she waited. This girl was obviously very sports oriented. Besides certificates and diplomas on the walls, she had basketball and volleyball trophies. She had a framed Vanderbilt women's basketball poster hanging up. She also had one for the Memphis Blues with a team picture that included Casey and a similar one for the Indiana Fever. She had a WNBA basketball that had been signed by various players. Casey was looking at the ball when she came back.
"I wasn't sure if this would be a good time to ask you, but would you mind signing my ball?" Amy said sheepishly and blushed.
"I'd love to. Do you have a marker?" Casey smiled at the cute blond.
Amy produced a marker and Casey signed her ball. Amy beamed. It always took Casey by surprise when people wanted her autograph. "Now I remember where I saw you recently, you came by here a few weeks ago to see your mom."
"That's right. We didn't get to talk much that time; I was in a bit of a hurry."
"I'm glad your mom is doing so well, she's a very nice lady."
"Thank you."
"Pam can see you now." She stated still smiling and led Casey to Pam's office.
Casey steeled herself for seeing Pam again. It amazed her that after all this time and the pain she had felt over her perceived rejection by Pam, she still got butterflies when she was around her.
Pam was on the phone and motioned for Casey to sit. Casey took a look around the room while she was waiting. There were several different diplomas and awards. She had beautiful paintings of women and children in various relaxing and playful situations in bountiful gardens with birds and butterflies around them. The walls of her office were a cobalt blue with mahogany colored, possibly real mahogany trim, bookcases and her desk was the same color. The carpet was also blue but marbled with different shades of blue. The color of the walls really made Pam's eyes look more blue than they already were.
Pam watched Casey taking in her office. She finished her visual tour with a nod of approval towards Pam, who nodded back appreciatively. Casey fidgeted a little. She seemed nervous. Every time they had met she had seemed nervous, Pam observed. She wondered if Casey was feeling the same fluttering of her heart that Pam did. Pam shook herself mentally and got back to the thoughts at hand. She had way to many problems going on right now to allow herself to think there might be something between her and Casey again.
Pam seemed tired. Casey thought as she listened to her talk. She tried not to listen to the conversation but Pam seemed very upset about what who ever on the other end was saying. Once she even closed her eyes and let her head fall back as if she were saying a quick prayer for God to help her deal with the person on the other end. Finally she ended the conversation and rubbed her temples slowly. "So, how are you?" Pam asked Casey.
"Good." Casey answered, "You?"
Pam took a deep breath then let it out slowly. "I've had better days." She closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them back up she picked up her phone and called her secretary. "Amy, please bring me some ibuprofen and some coffee." Pam covered the mouth piece and asked Casey, "Would you like some coffee or a soda." Casey shook her head. "That will be it then." She told Amy.
"So what's wrong?" Casey asked. She didn't really expect Pam to feel comfortable enough to unload on her but she did a little.
Pam came around her desk and sat in the chair next to Casey. "Well, I have a client in the hospital that might not make it. Her husband found out where she worked. He went out there and beat her up then shot her three times."
"My God!" Casey exclaimed.
"Now, INS is giving me a bunch of crap about her because she hadn't become a citizen yet. Her husband was put in jail. He was here illegally. When they called Mexico to deport him they found out he was wanted there on several charges so he got extradited. After he got down there, he called the INS and told them that she was also here illegally. I've shown them all her papers where she is trying to get citizenship." Pam let out a deep breath and rolled her eyes. "Now the stupid jerks want to question her and I can't make them understand that the woman is in a coma and might die." Pam shook her head. "This has by far been my worse case." Tears began to form in Pam's eyes. "She is just the sweetest young woman in the world. She was trying to make a better life for herself and now this." Pam wiped the tears rolling down her cheek with a tissue from her desk.
Casey put her hand on Pam's arm. "I'm so sorry, Pam. Is there anything I can do to help?"
The sincerity in Casey's voice brought Pam's eyes up to meet hers. The touch of Casey's hand and the concern in her eyes reached deep inside Pam. They opened up feelings Pam had pushed away for a long time. She could feel everything she had felt for Casey before. The love, tenderness and desire all welled up inside Pam. She could see that Casey was feeling it too.
Casey was feeling it, much to her dismay. Just touching Pam and having this tender moment with her had brought back every emotion Casey had felt before. She looked into Pam's eyes that revealed the deep caring Pam felt for Casey. Casey had seen this look before. The night she had kissed Pam, she had professed her love for Pam. She had seen, or had thought, that she had seen in Pam's eyes the return of those affections. She had kissed Pam the way she had been longing to for so long. Pam had kissed Casey back in a way that had made Casey feel sure that she felt the same way about Casey. But, she had pushed Casey back after the kiss and told her that she couldn't be in a relationship with her. Pam walked away and did not look back.
Pam was thinking about that same moment. She was remembering seeing this same look in Casey's eyes. She remembered how she had felt. She had not intended on kissing Casey back but she couldn't stop herself. The minute Casey's lips had touched hers. Her resolve to stop Casey and tell her that she couldn't be more than friends with her had died. She was so sorry afterwards. She had never forgotten the look of hurt on Casey's face. She had been so sorry that she had been the cause of it. She should have told Casey the minute she had showed up that night what was happening with her father. She should have stopped her before it went too far.
Both women looked away from each other and their painful memories at the same time. They were both silent for what seemed like forever. Finally Pam broke that silence. "Thank you very much for your offer. I really wish there was something you could do. But, that brings me to the other thing I must tell you."
Right at that moment, Amy showed up with Pam's coffee and ibuprofen. Lord, did she really need it now. Amy asked Casey if she was sure that she didn't want anything. Casey said that she was fine and didn't need anything. Amy left the office.
Casey looked back at Pam who still had her eyes turned downward. "A safe house has come open and I'm moving your mom into it today." Pam made herself look up at Casey, "I must say that I'm quite sad about it. I've grown very fond of you mom. I'll miss her being at my apartment every day. I really enjoyed her staying with me."
Casey could see that Pam really meant what she was saying. "Thank you. I'm sure my mom feels that same way. She has said several times that she thinks of you as another daughter."
Pam beamed when Casey said that. "Really? She is really a great lady. Funny, I bet you didn't know that she was funny."
"No." Casey smiled shaking her head. "We didn't have much laughter at our house."
"She can cook too." Pam patted her flat belly. "I bet I've put on five pounds since she moved in."
"Well, it doesn't show." Casey said, giving her an appreciative look over despite her mind telling her not too.
Pam blushed and shook her head at Casey. "Thank you. I'll see what we can do about setting up a cookout date. I really want to be very careful." Pam said more seriously. "This thing with Lucy Rodriguez has really shaken me up. We still haven't figured out how he found her. She was moved up here from Texas. She hasn't been talking to her family because they liked him. I just don't understand it." Pam was clearly upset.
"Well, the boys and I will do whatever you say needs to be done." Casey assured her.
Pam smiled at her, "Good. I'll give you a call real soon and let you know when and where." Pam stood up. "I hate to rush this but I do have a few more clients to see before I take your mom to her new home."
Casey stood too. "I understand. I really appreciate you seeing me with no notice like this."
"No problem, Case. Drop by anytime." Pam flushed a little when she seen the grin curl at Casey's lips when she called Casey by her pet name. She had told Casey once that she called her Case because she was a real nut case.
"I'm not as bad of a 'case' as I used to be." Casey said with a wink. "I better get out of here. I'm supposed to be meeting Terri to play basketball."
"Terri Miller?"
"Yeh."
"Well, tell her I said 'hi'". Pam said walking towards the door. "I've haven't seen her in about a year."
"I'll tell her. Tell my mom to call me later. I should be home about five."
"I'll do it." Pam said holding the door open for Casey. "I'll be talking to ya soon."
"Looking forward to it." .
Pam stood there looking after her. What a day! First the INS, then Casey Durham. She was really going to have to unwind after this day.
* * * * * *
Casey headed to cafeteria at Vanderbilt. Terri was going to meet her there for lunch. They wouldn't be able play ball until three o'clock this afternoon when Terri got off from work. Casey decided not to talk to Terri about this thing with Pam just yet. She just wasn't sure what she was feeling right now. She didn't really want to think about it at this moment.
Terri was there waiting for her. "What's wrong?" Were the first words out of Terri's mouth.
Casey told her part of it. "Mom's getting to move to her safe house today. I'm just worried for her."
Terri took that with a nod and they sat down to eat. "So how is your mom?"
"She seems to be good. She's very relaxed when I talk to her. It's kind of weird because she was always tense before. Always whispering when she talked to you. Now she talks loud and confidently."
"That's wonderful!" Terri said between bites of her sandwich.
Casey noticed a new ring on Terri's ring finger that she had not seen before. She pointed to it. "What's this?"
Terri grinned from ear to ear. "Beth gave that to me. She said she wants everyone to know that I'm spoken for."
"That is so sweet." Casey said watching her friend. She had never seen Terri be like this about anyone. "So, do you think this is the real thing?"
"Yes." Terri nodded looking at her beautiful diamond studded ring. "Yes, I do." Terri looked up at Casey beaming. "I've never been with someone who really cared about what I was interested in or what I liked. It was always about them. What I could do for them. Beth wants to do for me. It's so weird having someone bring me gifts, give me massages, just sit and really listen to what I'm saying."
Casey was smiling as she listened to her friend. She was remembering at the same time, though, what had transpired between her and Pam. There was a time when she thought she had found that with Pam. Even Sara for a time pretended to be really interested in what Casey wanted or thought. It didn't last. Casey really hoped this lasted for Terri. She knew Beth was several years younger than Terri but she seemed so grounded.
Casey and Terri spent the rest of lunch talking about Beth. Terri was really quite smitten with the dark haired young beauty. Casey was really looking forward to getting to know her better. Terri told Casey that she was planning a party at her house sometime around Halloween. That reminded Casey to tell Terri what Pam had said. "By the way, Pam Matterson said to tell you 'hi'."
"Really, when did you see her?" Terri watched Casey's expressions carefully.
"This morning I went to see her about setting up a time when the boys and I could have a cookout with mom." Casey said nonchalantly.
Terri assessed from Casey's body movements that she was still upset about the meeting with Pam. She wanted to ask Casey more about it but she knew that Casey would stay clammed up until she was ready to really talk about it. "Well, that was nice. I haven't seen her in a while. The next time you talk to her, you tell her I said 'hi' back."
"Sure." Casey promised. She changed the subject. She didn't want to get started on Pam right now.
* * * * * *
Casey went shopping after lunch with Terri. She was furious with herself because she kept thinking about Pam's favorite foods when she was getting her groceries. She had almost gotten pears, which she didn't like, because Pam liked them. Like Pam was going to be coming to her apartment to eat anytime soon. Before the grocery she had gone to buy some pictures to put on the walls of her apartment. She found herself looking at pictures of women and children together with lots of hues of blue. That reminded Casey that Pam had not said one word about the flowers she had sent her. Casey was sure that she had remembered all of Pam's favorites. Not one 'thank you' or nothing. That made Casey even madder.
By the time Casey got to the student recreation center at Vanderbilt, she was thoroughly furious with herself. She got there an hour before she was supposed to meet Terri so she could workout with the weights. She really threw herself into her workout. She knew she was going to be sore the next day but she didn't care. She put on more weight than she usually worked out with and really pushed herself. She was pumped and ready to go by the time Terri got there.
Terri observed her friend as she walked into the gym. Terri knew she was going to get her but kicked today. Not only was she exhausted from a long day at the city's parks and recreation department, but she could see that Casey was really worked up about something. She went into the locker room and got dressed. When she came back Casey was practicing free throws. "Ready?" Terri asked warily.
"Yep." Casey said snippily and tossed the ball at Terri hitting her hard in the chest.
Oh yeah, she is mad about something, Terri thought to herself. Terri in- bounded the ball to Casey and the game was on.
An hour later, Terri was wiped out. Casey had run her to death. She stood bent at her waist trying to catch her breath. "That's it." She said when she finally got her breath.
"So what are you doing, wimping out on me?" Casey said breathlessly.
"Yes, I am." Terri answered straightening up. "What is with you today, man? You act obsessed or something."
"Maybe," Casey said shaking her head, "Hey, you want to go get a beer?"
"That sounds good." Terri said taking her towel and wiping her face off. "I have to go home and change first."
"That's fine. Where do you want to go?" Casey said wiping the sweat off of her face as well.
"There's a real nice lesbian bar on the west side now. Why don't you come over to my house later and you can either ride with me or follow me up there." Terri started gathering her stuff.
"Okay. I'll call ya when I get ready to head over there." Casey said and picked up her stuff as well.
* * * * * *
Casey got to Terri's about six o'clock. She hadn't eaten. She was still too mad about not being able to get Pam out of her head. That whole event in Pam's office this morning had started up feelings that Casey thought she had tucked away for good, especially after Sara hurt her the way she did. She really didn't want to start having feelings for anyone. She really couldn't be sure what was going on with Pam. She wasn't sure that she wanted to feel this way about her. Unfortunately, she was afraid her heart was thinking for itself.
Terri watched Casey pace in an agitated manner. Something was really eating at her. Hopefully after a few drinks Casey would loosen up and talk to her about it. Even Beth noticed. "What's wrong with your friend?" She had pulled Terri into the bedroom and asked.
"I'm not sure. She's was like this earlier when we played basketball too." Terri had took the opportunity to give to cute little brunette a kiss.
Beth smiled up at her. "Let's get her buzzed and maybe she'll forget what she's upset about."
A little while later Terri and Beth emerged from their bedroom. They left the apartment, got in Terri's car and headed towards the bar. Terri had promised to take Casey home if she got too drunk. Casey thought she just might, maybe that would get Pam off her mind.
The bar was really nice. It was in a small shopping center with some clothing stores. It was really a quiet atmosphere. They had soft pop and oldies music playing. Most everyone was playing pool. Terri told her that they changed the dance music after nine. She said it was nice dance music, stuff from the seventies and eighties. Songs you could slow dance to. Casey was so glad. She really hated the techno music they played at the other gay bars.
They sat down at a table. Terri and Casey both ordered Corona's and a shot of tequila. Beth ordered a rum and coke. Casey downed the shot of tequila and asked for another one. She sipped on her beer and immediately downed the other shot when it arrived. No lemon, salt or nothing, just straight. Terri sat there making a face at her. That was it. Casey never drank tequila shots without at least a bit of salt. She reached over and put her hand on Casey's and squeezed it affectionately. "Alright, what is really going on Casey?"
Casey took a deep swig of her beer and looked at her friend. More memories came back, as she gazed at her longtime friend. Terri had introduced Casey to the joy of loving women, as well as, the pain of loving women. Terri had been Casey's first lover, if you wanted to call it that. Casey had been fresh meat on campus and Terri had seduced her into her first tryst in the bed with a woman. Of course, once conquered, Terri lost interest and was on to a new conquest. Casey had been quite hurt. She had thought they would continue to see each other after they had sex a few times. Terri had other ideas. Unfortunately they were also teammates at the time for Vanderbilt's Lady Commodores. They had several heated battles in practice and a few hard shoves before the head coach, Kim Daniels, made them work things out or get off her team. After a night of drinking and laughing, they had emerged friends and remained that way ever since.
"There was more to my meeting with Pam this morning." Casey's tongue was already a bit thick, causing her to slur a little.
Now we're getting somewhere, Terri thought. "Like what?"
Casey sat back and rubbed her hands over her face. "She was telling about some problems she is having right now. I put my hand on her arm and offered to help in any way I could." Casey took a long swig of her beer. "She turned and looked right into my eyes and it happened again."
"What happened again?" Terri almost thought Casey be being a bit silly about whatever happened.
"Those feelings came back. All of them." Casey answered.
Terri nodded knowingly. Beth looked between the two of them. Apparently Terri knew about these feelings that Casey was talking about.
"That's not the worst of it. She was looking back at me, just the way she did that night."
"Really?" Terri knew all about that night, it was the night Pam had told Casey they couldn't be lovers. Casey had come over to her apartment crying. She had never seen Casey cry. Casey told her that Pam had shut her down. Terri had not been surprised by the shut down. Pam had confided in Terri that her father was pushing her to leave behind her lesbian lifestyle in order to get a job at his firm. Pam had been stuck between a rock and a hard place. Her father's firm was once of the most prestigious in Nashville. Lawyers from all over the country coveted positions with him. He was offering one of those positions to his daughter but on his terms. She had to quit seeing women and get married. Terri had been very surprised that Pam had not told Casey about her problem. They were actually good friends. Pam told Terri later that she knew Casey would try to talk her into arguing with her dad or walking away from the position he was offering. At that time, Pam didn't feel like she had a choice and didn't know how to explain it to Casey.
Pam never admitted it, but Terri was real sure that she was in love with Casey. She would drop whatever she was doing to hang out with Casey. She never missed a Lady Commodore game after she met Casey. Terri had caught Pam giving Casey some very hot looks when Casey wasn't looking. She had not understood Pam's game until Pam told her about her father's ultimatum. He had been pushing it on Pam before she met Casey. Pam was a little afraid of Casey's reputation as a womanizer but she was more afraid of her father. Terri felt that Pam had wanted to be with Casey but knew she couldn't. She may have felt that if Casey knew that there was not going to be a chance for them to be together that she would drop her friendship with Pam. Pam had not wanted that to happen because she enjoyed being with Casey.
Pam had been very upset about that night as well. She had been even more upset when Casey wouldn't even talk to her afterwards. She had come to Terri hoping Terri could make Casey understand. It had tore Pam to pieces that she had hurt Casey and that Casey would no longer speak to her. Terri had tried to reason with Casey but Casey refused to talk about Pam at all, until now.
Casey was watching Terri who seemed to have drifted away for a moment. "Hello?" Casey wanted Terri's help with this and she seemed to have left.
"I'm here. I was just remembering that night." Terri took a deep breath and decided to try to venture into this territory. "So what about that look?"
"It was like she was feeling the same thing I was. I always thought she felt more for me than she was telling back then but I don't know..." Casey said taking another drink of her beer almost finishing it off.
"You don't think she was?" Terri asked carefully.
"I... I didn't think so." Casey played with her bottle, pulling off the label.
"What if she was feeling that way even though she knew that she couldn't?" Terri queried.
Casey sighed. "You know why she shut me down that night, don't you?"
"Yes." Terri answered evenly, taking a drink of her own beer.
"Was it because of her father or did she decide she just wouldn't ever be able to trust me?" Casey asked quietly.
"It was because of her father."
Casey closed her eyes. She was so afraid of how these feelings had taken her over. "I don't know if I want to feel this way about her again."
"You may not have a choice." Terri reasoned, knowing that sometimes when you fall in love with someone those feelings never go away.
"I was afraid you were going to say that." Casey drained the dregs of her beer. Just then a waitress came up and sat a beer in front of Casey.
Casey looked up at the stocky, butch woman who smiled and said. "It's from the lady over there."
Casey spun around in the direction the waitress was pointing. It was Pam. She was sitting at a table by herself and lifted her bottle to Casey. Casey picked her beer and toasted her back. Casey looked at Terri.
Terri knew the question in Casey's eyes. "Invite her over."
Casey motioned for Pam to come over and join them.
Before Pam could get to them, Terri patted Casey's hand. "Maybe you two should start out being friends again. If it's meant to be, it will be."
"Hi." Pam said as she arrived at the table.
"Hi" The three said in unison.
"Thanks for the beer." Casey said scooting her chair to make room for Pam to pull up a chair.
"Well, I wanted to thank you." Pam said sitting down. "I didn't get a chance to before. I really enjoyed the flowers you sent a few weeks ago." Pam smiled shyly "I was surprised that you remembered all of my favorites."
"Well, I'm glad that you enjoyed them." Casey smiled back.
Beth looked at Terri who grinned and squeezed hand. Terri whispered in Beth's ear. "I'll tell you all about it later."
"So Pam, I hear that you have rescued Casey's mom." Terri said breaking the slight tension that seemed exist now.
"Yes. I am really glad I've been able to help her." Pam turned to Casey. "Did she call you tonight?"
"I missed her. She left a message and said she likes the house but she misses you." Casey answered, pleased to see Pam smile. Casey was getting a bit tipsy. She stared a little longer than she had intended to at Pam's full lips.
"I miss her too. That's part of how I ended up here tonight. It was so quiet, I couldn't take it anymore." Pam wasn't going to say that the other reason was to try to quiet her mind after her visit with Casey this morning. Obviously being here now was not going to help deal those feelings that were starting up again with her sitting there with Casey. She wondered if that meeting this morning had affected Casey? Was it why Casey was working on getting drunk?
Beth nudged Terri, who hadn't introduced her to Pam. Terri blushed apologetically and squeezed Beth's hand. She had gotten caught up in the interaction between Casey and Pam and had forgotten that Pam had not met Beth yet. "Ur umm..." Terri spoke up. "I'm sorry Pam. I forgot that you hadn't met Beth. Beth this is Pam Matterson, an old friend. Pam this is my partner Beth."
Pam reached over and shook Beth's hand. "It's nice to meet you Beth. I was wondering when Terri was going to get around to introducing us." Pam looked at Terri. "So how long have you two been together?"
Terri put her arm around Beth and smiled proudly, "Six months next Tuesday."
"Wow," Pam was quite shocked. Terri had never been in a relationship longer than six weeks when she knew her before. "Congratulations." Pam stopped the waitress and ordered another round of drinks for their table. "Drinks are on me this round to celebrate you happy union."
"Thank you." Terri smiled happily.
"So how did you meet?" Pam asked. Pam noted out of the corner of her eye that Casey was quietly checking her out.
Casey was trying to be discreet about it but she was really too drunk to not be obvious. Besides, she decided that Pam liked it because she would look out of the corner of her eye at her and grin.
"Beth coordinates the sporting events at all the parks in town. She works at a different office for the Parks and Recreation Department so I had never met her. We met at a fund raiser about a year ago. We became friends. I finally got up enough nerve to ask her out and here we are." Terri summarized the story.
Casey and Pam both looked at each other then said at the same time. "Got nerve enough?"
"Since when have you ever been afraid to ask someone out?" Casey asked.
Terri blushed sheepishly. "Well, she was special. I was afraid she knew about my wild past and wouldn't go out with me. Sound familiar?" Terri asked looking at Casey, who just dropped her headed and nodded.
"So did you know about Terri's sorted past?" Pam asked Beth.
"Oh yeah, I'd been warned by many people. I thought she was cute and started asking who knew her. Well, everyone knew her." Beth laughed, "I have heard some of the wildest stuff. Terri assured me that most of it was probably true. I was terrified." Beth squeezed Terri's hand, "She was very patient. She kept finding ways to run into me all over town. She'd call and ask silly questions. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I figured what the hell, if nothing else it would be a few weeks of wild sex." Terri's head was dropped and her whole body was shaking from laughing. "So, I dropped a few hints to some people who I knew liked to gossip that I might go out with her. Well, Terri calls me like a week later. She beat around so many bushes trying to figure out how to ask me out that I finally said, 'So do you want to go out?' She's says yes, she wants to take me out to dinner."
"So she gets dressed up very sexy." Terri says through bursts of laughter. "She's very beautiful and I was tongue tied all night. She dogged the crap out of me."
"She really couldn't get anything to come out of her mouth right. I'm thinking, 'Wow, she must really be nervous.' So by this time I've decided that all these stories were a bunch of crap. How can this mousy, nervous, tripping over herself person be a womanizer? The whole night I'm putting my hand on her knee and touching her in places that is making her jump and look around, worrying that someone is going to see us."
"I was freaking out. We were at a fairly open restaurant. I just know that people are watching us. I'm thinking, 'Oh my God. She's into wild public sex. She seemed like such a nice woman.'" Terri was shaking her head and laughing. "When we got up to leave everyone turned around and looked at us. She," Terri points at her giggling partner, "pinches my butt as we're walking by this really old couple. Who, of course, both gasp and look away."
"So," Beth stops giggling a bit, "we get back to my house and I invite her in. She was going to chicken out."
Casey's mouth dropped open. "No way!"
Terri shrugged. Beth went on. "I'm trying to talk her into coming in. I'm promising her it will be okay. She finally agrees. I get her to sit down on my couch while I get us something to drink. I come back in a black teddy. Terri jumps up off the couch and starts heading for the door. I stop her at the door. I push her against the wall and practically plaster myself to her. I say, 'I thought you liked wild women.' Terri's like. 'I do. I did. I didn't think you...'" Beth starts in a new roll of laughter. "I thought she was going to pass out when I put my tongue in her ear." Beth looks at Terri who is kicked back in her chair laughing. "Finally I step away and go, 'You aren't such a stud after all.' That was it! Her eyes had flames in them. She snatched me up, threw me over her shoulder, took me into the bedroom and threw me down on the bed. She jumped my bones. The wildest sex I've ever had." Terri is now wiping away the tears as are Pam and Casey from laughing so hard at Terri's demise. "The next day she says, 'Why did you do all that stuff last night?' I told her I was testing out all the stories I had heard about stuff that she had done to other women trying to seduce them. She was just really lucky I never got her to go into the bathroom. We would have probably gotten arrested on our first date."
"Terri," Pam queried, "did you really do all of that to other women trying to get them in your bed?"
"That and then some," Terri admitted. "She was so serious about everything she was doing. I was so freaked out. I kept thinking, what have I got myself into? She seemed so nice."
"The next morning I asked her, 'So will I get to see you again.' She said 'You'll never be able to get rid of me'." Beth picked up Terri's hand and kissed it. "I thought I'd lost her about halfway through the night. She looked so shocked. I thought that all those rumors were crap and she was going to dump me on my doorstep and never speak to me again. She got a little dose of her own medicine."
"Oh yes, I have actually called and apologized women who I had really embarrassed doing wild stuff to them in public." Terri admitted.
"No more. I'm the only one she's going to do wild stuff to in public with."
"That's right, Sugar Bear." Terri promised and kissed Beth on the lips.
Casey and Pam were both shaking their heads at the pair, and then they looked at each other. Both were thinking about that night and how their lives would have changed. Casey was thinking, what did I doing wrong. Pam was thinking maybe if I hadn't had other pressures. The heated look between them did not go unnoticed by Terri and Beth.
Right then the disk jockey began playing "Let's Make Love" by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. Terri and Beth excused themselves to go dance. Once out on the floor, Beth asked Terri. "I thought you said that those two were never lovers. Did you see the way that they looked at each other? I can't believe that there wasn't something going on between them."
"I didn't say there wasn't something going on between them. There was definitely chemistry. But, they were never lovers. Believe me, if Casey would have ever had Pam she would have called me the very next day and told me all about it. No, fate and other people got in the way. Maybe now that things have changed they will let themselves get lost in each other." Terri said quoting the song and pulling her lover closer. She was very glad that she had let herself get lost in Beth.
Pam turned in her chair to watch the couples dance. Casey scooted up behind her. Casey was still quite buzzed and feeling a bit brave.
Pam was trying not to look at Casey because she knew that Casey would see what she was feeling.
Casey was positive that Pam still had feelings for her that she was trying not to show. Much like she had before, this time, though, she was having a harder time hiding them. Casey scooted to the edge of her seat so that she was almost touching Pam.
Pam was well aware of Casey moving closer behind her but she didn't move away. She didn't want to. She was enjoying the feeling of Casey's body close to hers. Pam could feel Casey's breath on her hair. She waited to see what Casey would do next.
Casey was just drunk enough to feel brave and little wild. Being around Pam was bringing out feelings she couldn't seem to push away or hide. She wanted to touch her, even if it was the briefest feather touch. When Pam didn't move Casey inched closer so the she was almost straddling Pam from behind but was still not quite touching her. She leaned closer and whispered in Pam's ear. "They make a cute couple, don't they?"
"Yes." Pam whispered back, careful not to break the flow of the moment.
Casey could smell Pam's hair. "Still using lavender scented shampoo?" Pam nodded. Casey moved closer, taking in Pam's perfume. She let her lips lightly brush the side of Pam's neck causing Pam to shiver all over. Casey smiled at the effect that she was having. "Still wearing Liz Claiborne?"
"Yes." Pam whispered. She was slowly melting back into Casey.
Casey moved in closer and gently nuzzled Pam's neck. She couldn't believe Pam was actually letting her do this. She had only let Casey get romantic with her a few times in the past. She would always stop Casey before Casey could kiss her. Casey wondered if she would stop her tonight. She put her lips on Pam's neck. She could hear Pam's sudden intake of breath. She planted another small kiss on Pam's earlobe. She could see Pam's eyes were closed and she was letting Casey slowing move closer so that their bodies were against each other.
Pam was shocked at own abandon. Her body had taken on a mind of its own and it wanted Casey to touch her. Casey's closeness was making Pam's heart race but Casey putting her lips on Pam's neck had almost made her heart leap out of her chest. They had done this before. Pam had always stopped it before it went to