Glasses and bear mugs clinked in toast, and Hank William's Jr. blared
from the jukebox in well lit bar. From under hooded eyes, Max Sr. watched the
goings on around him as he leaned against the back of the booth. It was early
but it was never too early for a drink in his book. The men sitting around him
vied for his attention by telling ribald jokes, patting him on the back and buying
him drinks. He held them all in contempt because in his eyes they were only weaklings.
All of them are weak, and I have to keep them in line just like that family
of mine. The only kicker is that I don't have to worry about them letting me down.
He sneered as he thought of his son. What a useless waste of space. Maybe if
he had practiced on those whores he called girlfriends before Michelle he woulda
known what he was doin. Damned fool. Damned stupid fool. I can't believe that
he's a son of mine. He smiled absently at the sound of his name. Another one
promised to help find his daughter-in-law. Max Sr.'s smile turned sinister. He
smacked the young man on the back. "I know you will." Max got even more comfortable
in order to watch his house of cards built itself. It was not a house made flimsy
but one put together firmly with much thought. It was one that would remain standing.
Beatrice sat numbly in her favorite spot in the room, in which she seemed forever
pasted, the kitchen. With hanging head, she stared at the pastel green table cloth
until dark spots appeared. After each breath, she tried futilely to squeeze through
the darkness that prickled before her eyes.
It did not work.
She had to face the harsh light of day, teeming in through the windows and glaring
off the sunny yellow surface of the kitchen. Even in late June, the ever fluctuating
weather sputtered hot instead of the coolness of days before, but the heat stayed
outside hindered by the artificial coolness of the air and maybe the cold hearts
that lived inside. Hopelessness. It was an emotion, a coldness, a feeling that
Beatrice was tired of but knew well. It sat in the middle of her chest as if it
belonged there. What do I do?
Sad eyes raised from the table to take on the crass light surrounding her. Beatrice
wiped nervous hands on her long gray skirt. Then, began wringing them as her mind
fluttered to and fro.
Busy eyes peered out the window, seeing the bright yet subdued day. Tiny, leaves
grew plentiful on the bush just outside, and the lush branch whisked against the
semi-closed window, making a slight scratching sound. Needing something else to
focus on, Beatrice listened further, hearing the cars drive by on the paved streets.
Closing her eyes, she could picture the mostly white houses with black sashes,
gleaming in the sunlight, but Beatrice did not dare look. Outside symbolized a
freedom that she could never have. A freedom that Michelle had that was sure to
come to a close soon. She squinted already shut eyes, wishing for another reality
but knowing that it was not possible. Salty tears eased their way down and left
a pale trail down sallow cheeks. "I'm so sorry Michelle. I wish that I was strong
enough to do more." She shook her head in defeat.
Her husband had called in favors and made promises of money that they did not
have. Since it was obvious that the police would be of no help, Max Sr. sweet
talked his drinking buddies, buddies that were truck drivers and wandering men.
He bribed them with non-existent monies to look in every crack and crevice that
they passed through for a certain little blonde and her child.
Beatrice's head hung again in silent acknowledgement. They would find her or break
their necks trying simply because they didn't want to disappoint him. Her husband
was the kind of man that other men looked up to, took orders from and maybe even
killed or stole for. Beatrice shuddered. The police would have been gentle
with her if they found her. They will not. He gave those animals the license to
do whatever they wanted as long as they brought his grandson back.
Her hands clenched at her side in uncharacteristic anger. "She's a human being
for God's sake not garbage to be thrown out!" She paused as the tears came steadily
now along with the sobs wracking her willowy frame. "I am too." Beatrice muttered.
"I am too."
Through bleary eyes, she peered out the window again. The bright light refracted
somewhat by tears that continued to fall. They were easy words to say, but
do I believe? Can I? Thinking of the petite blonde, Beatrice blinked the tears
away. I never knew anyone so brave. Coming back here would kill her, and I
think what's left of me would die too. Gathering reserves from somewhere deep
and almost non-existent, Beatrice stood up on watery legs and shuffled toward
the window and the light that beckoned. "I can't let that happen. With whatever
is left in me, I have to do something."
Beatrice continued to stare in wonderment at the outside world, a world she had
not stepped foot in what seemed like eons. She stuck her chin out defiantly. "I
know it's too late for me to be free, but it isn't too late for her. Maybe it's
time Michelle knows that she has a friend back home."
Not too far away, in a dirty white one story house hidden by over grown grass
and lined with filthy windows, Marsha, sporting a perpetual scowl, sipped her
mid-morning tea. She cringed at the bitter taste. There was no sugar and no money
to buy any.
Standing in front of the window in her battered flowery housecoat and oily unwashed
blonde hair, Marsha watched the cars go by and her life drain away. She took another
sip of peppermint tea. There was no cringe this time. He's using my money to
find her. I just know he is. When did she become so important? She's useless and
always has been. What makes her better than me? I want to see her back here and
stuck just like I am.
The cool blackness of hate bubbled and gurgled inside her. "She's taken everything
from me: my youth, my husband along with everything I have left." The combined
darkness of hate, jealousy and loneliness made her irrational and brooding. She
doesn't deserve this. None of it! She's a little nothing that needs to be left
to rot in a dark, little room just like I was. It would teach her. It taught me.
Marsha sobbed then cried out as her shaking hand tilted the hot contents of the
cup onto her appendage. She let the cheap china fall to the floor with a crash.
Simultaneously, darkness crashed around her, weighting her down into a slight
crouch. The cars continued to pass by with their drivers unaware of the screaming
women hidden in the dirty white house. "I have nothing! Nothing!
Max Jr. stood tall and stone cold sober, but still, he drowned in self pity. He
peered into the bathroom mirror at his red-rimmed eyes and haggard features and
whispered, "He doesn't believe in me anymore. He doesn't believe at all."
Max wiped his face with a trembling hand, knowing that the words were true. Understanding
dawned with his father's feral smile and gloating tone as he explained his new
plan that did not include his son at all. Max leaned forward over the sink ignoring
the cold that bit into his naked waist as he waited for any emotion to come. His
grip on the sink turned white knuckled as the minutes extended. He sobbed out
loud in disappointment.
"Baby?" The feminine voice asked. "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name, but are
you alright?" A petite redhead just as naked as him sauntered up behind him. Max
did not flinch or acknowledge the softness pillowed against him but watched avidly
as a long fingered, long nail hand trailed up and down his hairy torso. "Are you
crying? Maybe I can make you feel better."
Max grabbed the appendage and watched in detachment as it was dwarfed by his own.
She saw it. She saw me weak. Everyone has seen me weak. I can't stand it anymore!
His mind bellowed violently. The violence became a reality. The woman cried out,
"Hey, you're hurting me!" Max continued to squeeze and twist the hand under his,
enjoying the sound of breaking bones. The redhead let out a blood curdling scream.
Max Jr.'s heart jumped to attention, pumping life back into him, pumping emotion
back into him. He only felt one thing, satisfaction. The redhead's features changed
and morphed into those of a frighteningly familiar blonde. I can get her back,
dad. I can!
Spinning himself around, he twisted the redhead's arm behind her back and an audible
pop resulted. Dark eyes soaked in the fear written plainly on the morphing face.
His blood roared. Of its own volition, his other hand closed around the woman's
throat. He could feel the life beating frantically there. His penis stirred then
hardened at her strangled gasp. Max rubbed it against her belly with purpose.
Canting his head to the side, he observed the changing color in the redhead/blonde's
face and increased the pressure. The pulse that was so strong before had dimmed
considerably. She clawed at him, pathetically, with a free hand as she continued
to gurgle through her closing throat. Max remained silent, refusing to miss a
moment or a sound. I would do anything for you, daddy. He could kill for
him; steal for him; take orders from him. He shook the redhead like a ragdoll
until her body went limp. Max let her slide bonelessly to the floor. He stood
above her. His heart hammered against his chest and his erection saluted the still
air. Leaning forward, Max stared down at the body with disdain. Spitting on the
woman's remains, he whispered hoarsely, menacingly, "Michelle."
Bobbi covered her mouth with her hand and tried to tug her twitching lips into
a downward position. She chuckled at her own antics when it refused to work. The
goofy grin remained. Despite the long day ahead, the smile just refused to go
away or falter. She peered down at the file on her desk, scanning it and trying
to familiarize herself with it, but the other thing, the most important thing
flashed in her head like a neon sign. We kissed. Oh boy. Did we kiss.
The scene continued to unfurl in her mind and replay itself over and over as if
it was on some continuous loop. Each time her body hummed with excitement and
unmitigated joy. The doctor squirmed in her swiveling chair, unable to be still.
She's what has been missing. Everything has been out of sync for a long time--my
mind, my body, everything. Now, things are coming together all because of her.
The brunette coined the day as PK (post kiss), and with the shining of the morning
sun, Bobbi found that while most things stayed the same, some changed. Their morning
with Billy took on a whole new meaning. Not that she had not noticed before--
the sway of full breasts, the flex of forming muscle and the sexy curl of sweaty
hair, but now, she was free to acknowledge and to look, causing missed steps,
red faces and unsteady breathing. Awareness was a walking breathing entity around
them, leading to touches and looks that spoke volumes while they scorched the
air around them. If it's gonna be like that from now on there are gonna be
a lot of cold showers. . .a lot.
Bobbi thought back to the dinner the night before and found herself chortling.
After the fiasco Shelia unwittingly propagated, dinner went off without a hitch.
Well, without a big one anyway. Bobbi had forgotten that Shelia and Reggie were
present. Just like that, they disappeared in the background as the brunette's
gaze, mind and senses remained zeroed in on the petite blonde next to her. Their
hands touched and grasped each other both under and on the table; thighs brushed
and meshed; and eyes met and refused to stray from one another. When Bobbi finally
realized that she had been ignoring her guests, she found two sets of eyes staring
back at her in understanding. It was what happened after dinner that still caused
the doctor to shiver.
At the door handshakes and hugs were exchanged along with the promise
of phone calls. Bobbi watched the couple disappear and mesh with the darkness.
A slow smile curved her lips as the energy from the blonde next to her permeated
and scattered her senses yet again. Bobbi turned to it, embracing the feelings
with both hands. Her smile widened as she looked down at the woman who had come
to mean so much. Green eyes sparkled up at her, and the doctor saw herself there,
barely hidden in flecks of brown and green. 'Who would have thought it? Who
would have thought that I'd end up here?' Some voice in the back of the doctor's
Bobbi opened her mouth to speak but only an unexpected gasp escaped as tiny,
cool fingertips traced sculpted cheekbones then moved on to full lips. An intense
ball of heat and feeling settled in the doctor's stomach before it spread outward
to her limbs and shined in her eyes.. Obviously, drawn to the intensity she
saw, Michelle took a step forward, causing the heat from their bodies to mingle.
Finally able to acknowledge what was between them, Bobbi basked in it. She covered
the smaller hand with her own and brought the open palm to her mouth for a lingering
kiss. The brunette grinned in satisfaction as green eyes darkened. Michelle
was the first to break the sizzling silence between them. "I-I liked them,"
she uttered. Her tone was subdued out of respect for the sleeping baby.
The doctor stared at her friend in confusion.
"Your friends. I like them, especially Shelia."
Bobbi chuckled, "I bet. I'm sure that they like you too."
Michelle paused before speaking again.
"But I like this better. I-I can't seem to stop doing . . ." The blonde utilized
her other hand, bringing it up to caress the side of Bobbi's neck. "Is that
normal?" Her tone of voice matched her expression inquisitive, curious, and
more than a little hopeful.
Bobbi shook her head softly. "No. At the risk of sounding cliché, this is special."
'There's nothing remotely normal about this. I think it's a once in a lifetime
deal,' she thought.
"Oh, I like it anyway. I just didn't know I had it in me to do this. . ." Her
free hand began a journey similar to the one before it. "To feel this."
The doctor closed her eyes briefly, soaking in the warm of Michelle's touch.
She opened them and murmured, "Neither did I. I guess we're both finding it
in each other."
A red flush slowly covered the blonde's face. Bobbi's brow wrinkled in concern,
but before she could speak, the blonde revealed her plight. "Um, can I tell
you something? It may sound silly, but. . ."
"Sure. Anything." The brunette did not hesitate to answer. She let tiny hands
pull her toward the couch where they jostling Taz from his position on the floor.
They sat down as close as possible to each other with thighs and shoulders touching.
Michelle's blush deepened. "I'm sorry. Am I crowding you? I can't seem to get
One side of Bobbi's mouth turned up in a teasing smirk. "Having you in my lap
wouldn't be close enough." 'And that would be, B the randy teenager talking!
Shut up!' The doctor admonished herself.
Green eyes widened and her face turned impossibly darker. Michelle's gaze shifted
to thoughtful then skittered away as if she was contemplating that very image.
Thinking she had gone too far, Bobbi muttered, "Sorry. I just. . ."
"No, it's okay." The blonde interrupted. "It sort of goes along with what I
wanted to tell you. Uhm. . ."
The doctor nodded patiently. "Okay, go ahead. Take your time. I'm listening."
Unable to stop reaching out to her source of heat and light, Michelle took Bobbi's
hand. "Um, when I first starting reading fan fiction. It, uhm, made me realize
what I was feeling for you. It sorta gave it a name. It scared me because I've
never felt this before. It's so intense that sometimes it is too intense." She
peered into azure. "I hope that I'm explaining this right."
Bobbi grinned. "Yeah, I'm getting you."
Michelle nodded almost imperceptibly. "Good. Uh, how long . . .have you felt
Bobbi bit her lip in contemplation then jumped in surprise when small fingers
pried her bottom lip from its hold. The fingers lingered and their eyes met
before green traveled down to moist lips. Bobbi felt her breath leave her as
her heart accelerated. The possibility of another kiss left her wrapped in sensual
anticipation. The brunette flicked the tips of the invading appendages with
her tongue, causing jade eyes to shoot back up to meet her gaze. The air between
them thickened. Michelle let out a surprised sound before breathing turned harsh
in an attempt to fill her suddenly scorching lungs.
"Chelle," Bobbi voice was thick and needy. "D-don't touch me like that right
Managing to look hurt and intrigued at the same time, the blonde let out a breathless,
"Because we'll only start kissing again just like in the bedroom."
The flush returned, and Michelle's breathing turned absolutely ragged as her
gaze fell to full lips. "How-how is that bad?"
Bobbi bit back a whimper as the green stare made her burn. She tried hard to
remember why it was indeed bad. "Uhm, talk? Yeah, talk." She said with relief.
"We need to talk, but after we could. . ."
"Oh God, yes," was the doctor's hoarse reply.
Michelle nodded and with great reluctance let her hand fall away. "Uhm, what
were we talking about again?" She slowly tore her gaze away from the doctor's
mouth to look in her eyes.
Bobbi blinked. "Uhm. . ." She bit her lip but quickly let the flesh loose when
she saw the blonde's hand ascending. "Sorry. Guess I'm picking up habits from
you." She smiled bashfully. "Err, I think you were asking me how long?"
Michelle's face lit up. "Oh, yeah. That was it."
Bobbi took a deep breath, willing her mind and libido to settle. "To be totally
honest, I don't know. All I know is when my patient died, I realized a lot of
things, and when I cleaned out those rooms, I sorta cleaned house inside me
too. It freed up a lot of space and before I knew it, you filled it. I may have
felt this for a while, but there was so much inside me that I could barely recognize
one emotion or feeling from the guilt I was carrying with me."
The blonde's eyes widened and she squeezed the hand in her own. "I understand.
I think it was the same for me. When Max or momma touched me, it always left
me so cold, but the first time I touched you and you me there was this warmth.
It got steadily hotter, and I wanted more of it." Michelle blushed as blue eyes
stared at her intently, but she refused to look away. A large hand cupped her
"Look at you now so strong and beautiful, and you want me. It's almost too hard
to believe." Bobbi's touch was as soft as her gaze.
Fair brows scrunched in confusion. "No! Look at you. I bet you could have anybody.
I don't understand why you want me. I've never done this before, and a lot may
be fixed, but I'm still broken inside. There are times when I'm so unsure of
myself. I don't know which way to go, but I have a choice now. That's the good
thing. Why? Why do you want me?"
Azure eyes turned sad but still held determination. Bobbi leaned forward until
her cheek brushed the blonde's, until her lips met Michelle's ear. "Because.
. ." Michelle gasped and tried to jerk away from the sudden sensation. With
a strong hand still against the petite woman's face, the brunette stopped the
escape. "Shhh, it's okay." She tried to calm her friend's erratic breathing
by giving her a chance to get used to the touch. After a few seconds, a small
hand wrapped around her own. She took it as a signal to proceed. Bobbi kissed
the ear in question, smiling at the shiver that resulted. "Because you make
me ache. You make me need, and you make me feel," she whispered raggedly. Michelle
whimpered in response. She leaned into the words.
" It was you that made me realized that all those emotions were okay that any
emotion was okay. You gave me my life back. You make me strong. It's you. I
couldn't help myself." Bobbi kissed the obliging ear again, and another shiver
erupted. She pulled back slowly, placing a soft kiss on the blonde's cheek.
Their eyes met, and she continued. "And that doesn't even scratch the surface."
'Not even a little bit,' she thought.
Green bore into blue. The look passing between them was intense and unwavering,
encasing them in a world that only existed for the two of them. Bobbi sat still
while the blonde searched each feature for assurance and truth. Michelle opened
her mouth to speak, but Bobbi watched as she sucked in much needed air instead.
Her free hand settled over her heart in an attempt to control its erratic beating.
A moment passed before she tried again. "I-I didn't know someone could feel
that way about me. It's kinda hard to swallow." Her voice was husky with disbelief
The brunette smiled ruefully and leaned in again until their foreheads touched.
"I'll help you swallow it even if I have to say this everyday."
Michelle brought the larger hand back to her face. "You would do that for me?"
Bobbi nodded. "I'd do anything for you. Don't you know that by now?"
"I'm learning," Michelle countered. "God, I can still hardly believe that this
is happening with Max and his family still looking for me no less. This should
feel wrong in the face of all that, but it doesn't. It just feels like I belong."
Bobbi's smile was one of derision. "It's so easy to forget that they're out
there, especially with you overcoming a lot of the stuff they put you through."
The doctor trembled at the sudden emptiness that invaded her. "I can't lose
you, and I want you to know that I'll fight, lie, and do whatever I have to
in order to keep you safe." She shook her head vehemently and full lips pursed
into a fine line. "And I do mean whatever Chelle that goes for if they find
you or not. You understand?"
Bobbi saw the blonde's throat bob in a hard swallow. "Yeah, I understand," she
husked out. "Where do we go from here?"
Although it was slow coming, Bobbi's grin turned genuine. "Anywhere you want
to, and we can go as slow as you want."
Michelle let out an uncharacteristic snort. "That's good because I have no idea
where I'm going. Does this mean that I'm like the women in the stories? Are
you like them?"
Bobbi sat back up and tucked the blonde into her side. "I can say that I am.
I've been attracted to females as far back as I can remember, but this is the
first time that I've felt something this intense." She paused. "I can't speak
for you Chelle. That's something that you'll have to decide on your own."
Michelle sighed. "I figured as much, but how will I know if it's just you or
women in general?"
Bobbi shrugged but still managed to look thoughtful. "You just know. If you
find yourself admiring the way women look, feel, move, smell, I think that would
be a big clue."
"Mmm, so it's okay if it's just you?"
"But I did find Reggie. . .intriguing," Michelle interrupted.
A dark brow raised high in question. "Intriguing?"
Bobbi watched as the flush invaded the blonde's face once more. "Okay, I thought
she was gorgeous," Michelle added shyly.
The doctor blinked then let out a bark of laughter that thankfully did not wake
Toby. Michelle covered the brunette's mouth with a small hand as a precaution.
Blue eyes continued to shine with mirth and Michelle joined in on the gentle
Always vigilant, Bobbi saw the petite woman's expression change to one of seriousness.
"What is it, Chelle?"
"Um, are you sure slow is okay? No one has ever touched me, besides Max always
made it hurt and it always made me feel dirty. I-"
"Shhh, I don't mind at all if it's what you need." Bobbi pulled her in closer
and bent down to brush her forehead with gentle lips. The wrinkles of consternation
disappeared, and Michelle hummed into the caress. The doctor moved down to a
pert nose and gave it the same treatment. A louder hum resulted.
"Do you want me to go on?" Bobbi asked, reveling in the tenderness and warmth
of the exquisite moment.
"You promised," the blonde squeaked.
Bobbi's heart constricted. "Yes, yes I did, and I always keep my promises to
Her head bent further until their lips were a whisper away from each other.
She held things there, absorbing from under hooded eyes the flushed look of
anticipation on the blonde's face; the lushness of full lips; and the smell
of sweet breath. Bobbi let out a tiny whimper of surprise when small hands wound
in her hair, bringing their mouths into full contact. The connection was tentative
at first with just a gentle clinging of moist lips, but it was enough fuel to
start a slow fire. Basking in it, the doctor was content to let Michelle lead.
Bobbi groaned low in her throat as the blonde brushed and lifted, nipped and
sucked. She opened her mouth to whisper, "Fast learn-" It ended in a moan as
a teasingly, curious tongue stole her words and breath.
"Phew!" Bobbi fanned herself with her hand as her grin spread even wider. She
covered her hammering heart with a hand and ended up grasping the pendant around
her neck. I wonder if she knows how much I'd rather be with her right now?
I want to spend more time with her maybe outside these four walls if she's ready.
The doctor peeked at her watch and growled. It was almost Noon. And where am
I spending my lunch hour? With patients who called in at the last minute. Thank
you Janine. The smile evened out as she recalled the disappointment in Michelle
voice as she told her about her two last minute appointments. Bobbi heard it clear
as day even if it was over the phone. "I'll make it up to you, Chelle. I just
hope you're up to it." Blue eyes peered down at the gold chain. This thing
never worked for me. All I need is her.
Janine pressed herself against the door at the sound of the doctor's voice. Realizing
what she was doing, the nurse jumped back in embarrassment and smoothed a hand
over her purple scrubs before absentmindedly checking the ponytail at the top
of her head. What am I doing? This is not me not me, not anymore. I'm better
than this. If she saw me out here, I'm sure she would freak, and I wouldn't blame
I have to bide my time with Bobbi. I have to take it slow and be real with her.
I want to be real with her. I think she's the only one who could understand who
I am, and who I used to be. I won't use underhanded tactics to get another woman,
especially this one. It would dirty things somehow, but what was she so happy
about this morning? I've never seen her like that. A pang of jealousy made
Janine cringe inwardly. "I want to be the one to do that to her. I would love
to cause someone to look happy, especially Bobbi" she murmured quietly.
Absently, she patted her shirt pocket, feeling the melting Hershey Kisses mash
against her breast. Without another thought, she raised a fist and knocked on
the door. The 'come in' never came, but Janine let herself in anyway.
Lost in her own thoughts, Bobbi did not look up until her door creaked open. She
groaned warily from somewhere deep inside. Not now. Please not now. Bobbi
smiled as hard as she could. "What's up, Jan?"
Not waiting for an invitation, the nurse plopped down in the chair in front of
the desk. She smiled, "Not much, what's up with you boss lady?"
Ugh. "Um, just reading over some files."
Janine fumbled in her pocket, trying to grasp the handful of chocolates. "I got
something for you just encase you needed a sugar rush." With a triumphant grin,
she placed the Kisses on the doctor's desk.
Bobbi tried to ignore watchful eyes by peering back at the file in hand. She tried
hard to keep the sarcastic edge out of her voice. "Oh, more kisses. Thanks." She
did not know if she succeeded, refusing to look up. Damn, damn, damn! I need
to do something about this. It could get way out of hand.
Janine began to figet in embarassment as she recalled her outburst. "I just want
to thank you again for being there for me. I didn't know who else to go to--"
The doctor looked up and gave the nurse a small smile, "It's okay. I know what
you're going through or rather I can empathize. I should really tell you about
my family and stuff one day. You;'d see we have a lot more in common than you
think. I know how hard it can be to be alone. It seems like a blessing at first,
"It becomes a curse," Janine finished. "You really do understand me don't you?"
Her eyes gleamed with fascination and wonder. I've been looking for this for
so long, but running from it at the same time--somebody who knows and understands.
Bobbi groaned inwardly when she realized what she had done. I did it again!!
This friendship thing is hard. I want to try to be her friend, but I don't want
to give to much. I've got the feeling that she's taking it the wrong way.
She smiled tremously, "Uh yeah, I guess you could say that, but then again that's
what makes great friends." Ugh, that's a good enough save, I guess.
Janine lowered her eyes, knowing that she was revealing too much. I'm scaring
her, but how else do I do this? Everything just feels better when I'm with her.
God, that sounds so pathetic. The old Janine. . .well, I'm not her anymore.
She put a cap on her thoughts, refusing to acknowledge that the woman she used
to be--the conniving, manupilative, but ultimately lonely woman, was still there
smoldering under the surface. "Uhm, I guess you're right." The nurse rose from
the chair. "I, uh, better go in case someone comes in early."
Bobbi sighed and watched as the other woman disappeared behind the door.
Michelle leaned back into the plush leather chair as she scanned
the words and pictures on the computer screen on information about Minnesota's
colleges, but it was all gibberish to her. A smile tugged at the corner of her
lips as her thoughts continued to whirl around the raven-haired doctor. God,
I didn't know that I had it in me to touch or kiss her like that. When I'm around
her, I feel like I'm starving for . . . for everything. I guess I would be since
Max deprived me of what I obviously needed. I never knew anything could feel that
way. Maybe she's the only one who can give it to me, but am I ready for a relationship?
I know she wants to be with me. I believe her, and I heard every word she said.
But, what if I can't give her what she needs? I'm too new at this. I want it,
and now that I have it, I still don't know what to do.
She sighed and rubbed a hand through short locks. I told her that parts of
me were still broken inside. Are they? Michelle looked down at the sudden
nudging against her socked feet. "What do you think, boy? Do I have it in me to
Taz whimpered in confusion then wuffed.
She stared at him then glanced to the side at Toby, who played with his favorite
toy on a blanket barely a foot away. Convinced that things were going smoothly,
Michelle muttered, "Well. . .yeah, I guess you can't hear my thoughts. I'm almost
there Taz. I can feel it, but there's still so much I want to do. I want to be
able to talk to other people and not be so scared. I want to have friends. I want
to learn what I couldn't. I want to get a job-a real job. Maybe doing what Annie
does. There's just so much, but what if they find us Taz? What if. . ." She let
out a broken breath as old fear crept upon her. "What if they find us and take
it all away, including Bobbi? I tried not to think about that yesterday, but it's
a new day, you know?"
Taz growled loudly. "Wuff! Wuff!"
"I know. I know that I need to look at the now, and I would fight tooth and nail
before I let them take us again anyway despite what was in that dream. It's just
beyond me though, boy. How could she want me? How could she care about me that
way with so much hanging over my head?"
"Wuff!" His bark was one of admonishment.
"But, I guess she does too, huh?" Michelle sighed and picked at the thin material
of the purple sweat pants. Her mouth twitched as a slow smile formed despite the
perilous thoughts.. "You should have seen me yesterday. God, I didn't even recognize
myself. I-I just went for it. . .went for her. I didn't know I could be so bold,
but I think she brings it out in me. It was. . .it was. . .ugh, I don't even have
words to describe it. Incredible isn't strong enough. I never thought about things
like kissing because I didn't think it was possible for me even with being married
to Max. I mean, I didn't think about it until Bobbi, and I wanted to kiss her,
Taz. I wanted to kiss her something awful."
Michelle peered at the Husky who looked up at her silently through bright blue
eyes. She chuckled and felt herself color in embarrassment. "I wish I could do
it right now, but I won't get to see her till this afternoon." The blonde brought
her hands to flushed cheeks and groaned inwardly. She quivered, reliving previous
encounters. "That is too far away. How am I going to. . ." Her thoughts jumped
to Annie, and the need to share this new experience blossomed tenfold.
A short gust of hot, dry wind blew around her as Michelle buckled Toby into the
stroller. She threw a thin blanket over his bare legs to ward off the cold of
the library. Bending down, she smiled at her son as she adjusted the white, race
car imprinted t-shirt that matched the red shorts that the blonde just covered.
In return, he gave her a toothless grin and waved the keys in her vicinity. Standing
back up, Michelle smoothed a straightening hand over her own t-shirt, feeling
the cool imprint of the colorful parakeet slide past her fingers. After hefting
the diaper bag over her shoulder, she aimed them toward the library entrance.
Without even an ounce residual fear, she entered the library. Knowing Annie's
schedule, Michelle spotted the older woman, clad in purple spandex, immediately
behind the desk checking out a customer. The younger blonde tried to clamp down
her giddiness, but inwardly she felt a warm glow that was powerful enough to manifest
itself outwardly also. Michelle nodded her head and smiled at the passerbys that
spoke as if she had done it a million times before. Quickly pulling behind the
woman chatting with the clerk, Michelle was content to wait her turn.
Annie cut her eyes sideways and fair brows raised in question. She nodded at the
woman patron and handed her the last scanned book, which sent her on her way.
Michelle cleared her throat and moved forward. It's probably written all over
my face. I kissed a woman!
The older blonde clapped her hands, causing bracelets to jangle loudly. "Something
Michelle's eyes widened in alarm and she let out a gasp. "How did you know?"
Annie chuckled. "It's written all over your face. You didn't have to say a word."
Michelle's shoulders slumped as she let out a long breath before a bright grin
took over her face. "Am I that obvious?"
" 'Friad so, but it's probably only to people that know you." Annie paused to
coo at Toby, who obligingly offered his keys for a taste. "He's a generous boy."
"Yeah, but he only does that to people he likes."
Annie's face flushed red. "Well. ..that's good to know." Her attention shifted
back to the younger woman. "This is what the third or fourth time you've been
here without books? I'm beginning to think you like me." She uttered with a teasing
smirk twisting her lips.
Michelle ducked her head but the smile stayed. "Um, aren't you supposed to like
friends?" I think that I pretty much liked her on the spot.
Annie's smirk turned into a full-fledged smile. "Ahh, we're friends now are we?
Well, that's good to know too."
Michelle met the other woman's gaze. "Well, I've never had any before Bobbi. I
thought it was time to make another."
Annie waved her hands in a dramatic flourish, "Then friends it is." She paused
to wave the other clerk over. "Why don't we go sit down? I know you're dying to
tell me what happened."
Michelle laughed, "Let me guess. That's written all over my face too?"
Annie ambled toward an empty table near the back. "Ohh, you're a fast learner."
Michelle blushed crimson and paused to collect herself as shivers of remembrance
crept up her spine. "Um, that's what she said."
It was Annie's turn to have the look of surprise. "Sit. I see you have much to
Michelle pulled the stroller up beside her and had a seat in the hard plastic
blue chair. Nervous hands fidgeted on the wooden tabletop, and not very old habit
reasserted itself. She bit her bottom lip. Come on, Chelle. This she should
be cake. That is a friend sitting in front of you. Somebody you're learning to
trust. "Ah, I don't know where to start."
Annie nodded and smiled in understanding. "Take your time. Anywhere you want is-"
"She kissed me," the Michelle interjected.
"Um, but I sorta kissed her more. We, uh, talked and admitted that there's more
than friendship between us."
Annie leaned in and took her friend's hand. "You listened to it didn't ya?"
Michelle continued to bite her lip around the grin.
"So did you, um. . ." The clerk wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
It left the younger woman confused. "Huh?" Is she asking if we. . Oh, she is!
"No! No. I don't know if. . . I mean. There's a lot you don't know. I've never,
um, with a woman, and my husband, he, uh. . .Made me feel like trash every
time he touched me that way. Her face darkened with the color of anger. The
fire shined even in her eyes.
Annie squeezed the younger woman's hand. "I know that there's a lot more to you
than what you tell me. Just know that you don't have to tell me. It makes no difference,
but either way, I'm here."
"Okay," Michelle replied breathlessly. Another person who understands.
She took a few calming breaths before speaking again. "To be honest, I've been
reading some stuff on line about. . .that. Can I ask you a question?" God,
I can't believe I'm so in the dark about so many things. I feel like a child.
"Do you think that she'll want to do that. . soon?"
Annie smiled softly. "You can't even say it can you? Especially with it concerning
Embarrassed, Michelle looked away. "I-"
Annie refused to let her. "No, no it's okay. Why can't you say it?"
Their eyes met. "Uhm, I-I never wanted to before. My husband. . . I had to. It's
what a wife is supposed to do. That's what I was taught."
The clerk's voice lowered to a soft whisper. "When you touch and kiss her, how
do you feel?"
The words spilled out without thought. "Sometimes, I can't breath. I feel hot
and heavy, my skin seems like it's on too tight, and I can't get close enough
to her." Her voice trailed off.
Annie beamed, "Well, I would hazard a guess that she feels the same thing. Do
you want to make love with her?"
Michelle's eyes widened and she snatched her hand away. "I-I don't know. I feel
so much, but I don't know how. He-he always made it hurt. I don't want to hurt
that way again." Fear made her heart flutter in her chest. And the scars. I've
gotten used to them, but what if she's disgusted by them? "I'm scared, Annie.
I didn't really think about this before."
Annie approached with a gentle voice. "There are really good things about relationships
though, Jo, when you're in one with the right person, there's no need to rush
because there's patience and what seems like all the time in the world." She touched
the younger blonde's hand tentatively and was relieved when one covered her own.
"It's okay to be scared for whatever reason."
Didn't I learn that a while back? It's okay to be scared. "That's what
Bobbi said. We could take it slow."
"See. There's no rush. Explore what you have now, and talk to her about this when
you're comfortable enough to. She'll understand."
She's right. I know Bobbi. She means what she says. "Okay, I'll give it
"This won't be the last time that the doubts will creep up. You're only human
with human insecurities, but the trick is not to let them get the best of you
because that could mess things up for both of you." Annie squinted as if she saw
something around the air. "Just be careful of the things around you."
Huh? What does that mean? I guess I'll figure it out. "I'll try." She paused.
"How do you know all this? I've heard the saying, 'the older the wiser,' but you're
Annie snickered. "Let's just say that I've had my ups and downs in the love department,
and with hindsight being what it is, I should have taken my own advice." She fanned
her hand in the air. "That's all water under the bridge. I have my friends. .
." She smiled at Michelle, "and some family in St. Paul. I do okay."
"Ahh, I think I can understand that."
"Good." The clerk stood up. "Now, can I show you something today? Maybe a nice
how-to-book?" Fair brows wriggled again.
Unable to help herself, Michelle covered her mouth to smother the laugh. "No,
but you will be one of the first to know when I'm ready for that." She glanced
at the clock on the far wall. "Right now I have to get home. I think someone is
in need of a sandwich about now." And I need to see her to just . . .remember
what it is that I want. Maybe it will help some of these doubts go away.
Michelle rose and moved toward the other blonde. Without warning, she wrapped
her arms around the older woman, giving her a hug. It's nice knowing who your
Startled, Annie stood stock still before she returned the embrace. "You don't
do this often do you?"
"No," Michelle answered.
"Then, I'll consider it a gift of sorts from a friend."
Michelle stepped back and smiled. "I guess it is."
A few minutes later, Michelle and Toby were on their way out the door. Going with
a voice that she was compelled to listen to, Annie jotted down her number as she
called out her friend's name. They met halfway between the desk and the exit.
"Here. I don't want you to feel pressured to do the same, but here's my number.
Call me anytime."
Michelle stared at the numbers a few seconds before looking up. She swallowed
the ball of emotion that sat lodged in her throat. It is really, really nice
to know who your friends are. The blonde reached out a hand and squeezed the
clerk's forearm. "Thanks," Michelle whispered.
Annie nodded and watched her go. Blue eyes squinted again . "Please be careful,
Jo or whatever your name is. I got a strange feeling," the clerk murmured to the
The kitchen was full of banging. Cleaned up from his own meal, Toby was still
in his high chair. He held his favorite keys in both hands and continuously struck
them against the hard plastic surface with cooing glee. Used to the noise, Michelle
gave the slice of bread one more swipe with the knife in an attempt to get the
excess mayonnaise off. She wiped off her hands before wrapping the two bulky sandwiches
in saran wrap. After putting the mayo away, as an after thought, she reached back
in the refrigerator to grab a container of bottled water. I hope she doesn't
mind me showing up like this. Michelle sighed and looked down at Taz who sat
nearby licking his chops after finishing his own lunch. "You don't think she'll
mind do you?"
"Yeah, you're right, but she'll probably be busy, so we won't get to see her.
Good thing I already ate just in case. It's weird not having her here for lunch."
The blonde went silent. "You really don't think she'll mi---"
"Wuff!" The bark was loud, and Taz looked slightly irritated.
"Okay! I heard you the first time. I should be more sure about things, but this
is totally new to me." Michelle blew out a breath, disturbing her bangs. "I don't
know what's wrong with me. I know I want this. Maybe I'm scared to screw it up.
I'm just. . .ugh! I just need to see her for a minute." With a new sense of urgency,
she let out another sigh and walked over to scoop up her little noise maker, procuring
him in the nearby stroller. After bagging the doctor's lunch, she muttered, "Let's
Before the blonde could open the door to the hallway, the phone began to ring.
Michelle peered at it with exasperation and chose to ignore it. There were more
Beatrice huddled her body against the phone booth and peered left to right cautiously
for familiar cars or faces. After searching her son's room for loose change and
possible bills, the haggard woman set out to walk the three mile trek to the local
Jiffy Mart. She did not stop to sniff the fresh air or peer at the neighbor's
gardens. She did not pause to savor even the slightest stint of freedom the situation
warranted her. This wasn't for her.
It's the only way. He won't know. I had to do it. The phone rung for the
third time, and Beatrice jumped as a young man ran past her. She let out a long
shaky breath. She has to know, and this way gives me some protection. The
phone rung for the fifth time. "Please, Michelle. Pick up." Her voice was pleading
and fearful. She wiped at the sweat gathering at the back of her neck. The hazy
sun beat down hard on her frame.
The phone rung for the sixth time then clicked. "You've reached the Waszinski
residence. No one is home right now.. . " Beatrice wanted to cry, but she sucked
in the tears with a hard breath. "It's okay. I can do this another day. I can."
With a trembling hand, she hung up the phone and started the walk back with the
sun radiating behind her.
Bobbi stood at the reception desk and chatted with her Noon appointment as he
attempted to make his way out the door. She felt Janine beside her too close and
moved over a bit. "Can you recommend to me a good ear, nose and throat man?" The
Bobbi smiled and nodded as she turned to sift through the rolodex. "Give me a
A small hand descended covering hers and lips hovered dangerously close to her
ear as they uttered, "Don't worry. I got this."
The brunette gnashed her teeth in frustration and fought the urge to snatch her
hand away. Damn it! Maybe that's what I need to do. So, she did, and got
a certain satisfaction at the surprised gasp that resulted. I don't play these
games lady. Not anymore.
Glancing up, a flash of blonde and the sight of black and white hind parts gave
her pause. Her breath left her as she finally put the pieces together. Chelle,
how did you know that you were just what I needed right now? I think you just
saved this woman from hearing some very choice words. . .today anyway. Bobbi
could feel and almost hear her heart as it hammered against her chest in excitement.
Slowly but surely, the goofy grin returned as the brunette beside her was forgotten.
Get in there dummy! "Um, office. I have to go," she told the confused nurse
Hurt and on automatic pilot, Janine wrote down the doctor's number and handed
it to the man without even looking at him. Her eyes were riveted on the retreating
woman. What am I doing?! This is all wrong! All she does is run away from me.
What am I doing wrong?
Before she got to the door, Bobbi ran a hand over the blue t-shirt and faded jeans,
swiping off any speck of dust or lent. Nervously, she patted her hair, looking
for loose tendrils to sweep back inside the scrunchee that held the ponytail in
place. Satisfied, the doctor pushed the cracked door open and sighed inwardly
in relief when it did not creek.
Taz was the first to spot her. He wagged his tail enthusiastically. Bobbi brought
a finger to her mouth to shush him. Toby, who sat in his stroller facing her,
was a different story. The now vigilant infant cooed loudly and shook his keys
with abandon at the sight of her. Bobbi grinned and shook her head.
Busy placing the bag on the doctor's desk, Michelle peered over her shoulder to
see what the commotion was. Oh, she's here. She spun around quickly, using
the sides of the desk to steady herself. Her smile was shy but sincere. "Uhm,
hi. I thought you might get hungry, so I brought you some sandwiches."
Bobbi did not say a word. She couldn't. The blonde was a sight for sore eyes.
A sight that she was drawn to. She stepped closer to it. Her eyes were riveted,
taking in every expression and every breath. They were even bold enough to take
in every curve hidden beneath the sweat pants and t-shirt. Need coursed through
her veins like never before. No, don't scare her. Try to calm down. Bobbi
opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She remained speechless, but
moved forward nonetheless, obeying her instincts to move closer to the source
Michelle blinked. She could already feel the approaching heat. I need this.
I needed to feel this. "Bobbi?" She waited for the other woman to speak, but
no words were forthcoming. Their eyes met, and Michelle got lost in the intensity
swirling in crystal blue. This is for me? That look? It's all for me. Her
breath caught then came out in a gush, and the blonde lost hope of finding it
for the moment. Her insides began to tingle, and an electric jolt of awareness
shimmied down her spine, pushing the tingles outward. She blinked again and found
that Bobbi stood directly in front of her--a touch away.
The doctor swallowed and tried vehemently to gain control of the overwhelming
emotions. Her body screamed for ravagement and crushing kisses. She gave her head
a mental shake. I know that would scare her. She deserves more than that.
Bobbi took the final step forward, bringing their bodies into contact. A low groan
rumbled through her chest. She lowered her chin slowly, until their foreheads
touched. Blue eyes closed as she tried to maintain control despite the hoarse
whimper that greeted her. "Chelle," Her voice was thick, scratchy. "I missed you."
Of their own volition, strong arms encircled the blonde, bringing their bodies
into closer contact. I didn't know anything could feel so right.
Michelle let out a long breathless sigh. For these few minutes, everything clicked
and fell into place. She returned the embrace. "Missed you too."
Eyes opened and met. The air fizzled to life around them. Blue eyes fell to pink
lips. "Can I?"
Michelle nodded quickly. "Please."
Lips met. There was no reluctance and no hesitation just deep exploration. Mouths
opened moistly seeking comfort, alleviating need and building it up again. Michelle
balled the lab coat at the doctor' s back into her fists as she held on. The need
for more and to get closer drove a shy tentative tongue inside the brunette's
willing mouth. Bobbi moaned in acceptance, and Michelle whimpered with gratefulness
and growing arousal.
Taz sat silently.
Bobbi felt her knees quiver along with the body against her, but they kissed on.
That is until a different kind of whimper passed Michelle's lips--one that spoke
of reluctance and the need for air. They parted slowly, sucking in air in ragged
Bobbi's libido protested with a scream, but she gritted her teeth and ignored
the sound for now. With fingertips, she traced the blonde's swollen lips and flushed
features. "Did I tell you. . ." she stopped to catch a breath, "that I really,
really enjoy lunch with you?"
Michelle closed her eyes in an attempt to regain equilibrium. The heat and spicy
scent of the doctor's body hindered success, so she met it head on. Green eyes
opened, and she attempted to give as good as she got. "You just did." She released
her death grip on the brunette's lab coat but didn't break the embrace.
Bobbi chuckled throatily. "I guess you're right." She grinned. "I'm glad you here.
I was probably going to try to sneak out between patients to see you anyway."
Suddenly shy, Michelle looked down and she sucked in a breath at what she saw
two hardened tips standing at rapt attention and peeking through the thin layers
of the doctor's t-shirt and lab coat. Intrigued, Michelle looked down at her own
breasts and saw the same. The urge to touch both sets was strong. That feeling
is new. I like it. Further embarrassed, she jerked her head up to see curious
blue eyes examining her. "Really?" She squeaked.
Bobbi tapped her nose with a fingertip. "It's okay to look at that Chelle. It
just shows that we're attracted to each other."
Totally red faced, Michelle ducked her head in affirmation. "I know. I just never
Bobbi bent to brush the blonde's forehead with her lips. Bold one minute and
shy the next. I wouldn't have it any other way. The doctor smiled at another
squeak of embarrassment as Michelle hid her face in the brunette's neck. "We have
a ways to go. Don't we, Chelle?"
"I'm sorry," the petite woman mumbled. I have no idea what I'm doing here.
"No, no. It's okay. As slow as you want, remember? I meant that."
"Okay, " Michelle added softly. I believe her. I do.
Wanting to draw the blonde out, Bobbi changed the subject. So what did you do
with your morning?"
Michelle looked up with a hesitant smile. "Um, I spent a little time on the computer.
Then, I went to go see Annie." Jade eyes lit up with wonder.
Bobbi felt the sting of an almost foreign emotion. It was the same jealousy she
felt the second time they went to the library. Oh, you're just being stupid!"
"Oh, really?" B!
What's that look? "I think. No, I know that I made a real friend." Thanks
to you. She extended her height and brushed the brunette's full lips with
her own. "Thank you for showing me how." Eyes sparkled with affection.
Bobbi swallowed and returned the brief kiss. See! You heel! I should have known
better. "Oh, I think that's something we both picked up, but I'm happy for
you. You're day sounds a lot better than mine. In fact I'd rather have spent I
with you. You wanna write me a note to play hooky?" Blue eyes drooped and lips
pouted with the plea
Michelle snickered. "I don't think that I carry any weight around here."
"I don't know. I think you carry more than you know." Suddenly feeling like a
clumsy teenager, Bobbi searched for the right words to ask her next question.
"Um, Chelle?" Her hands itched to disappear into her jean pockets, but she kept
them lazily wrapped around the blonde instead. "Uhm, I was wondering if you want
to maybe spend some time together outside the house?" Michelle's gaze was steady
and thoughtful. "Um, I mean, if you're ready of course. I don't want to rush you,
but there's this thing on the Fourth of July. They have it every year. I haven't
been since I was little. People picnic and watch the fireworks, and I was wondering
if. . ."
Michelle's heart surged then dropped into her stomach. She's asking me out!
Max never even did that! God, momma look at me, and you thought you could keep
me down forever. She could not fight the smile that took over her face or
the giddiness that made her squirm. So, with a squeal that closely resembled one
of Toby's, Michelle screamed, 'yes,' and launched herself back into the doctor's
embrace. She wound her arms tightly around the brunette.
Bobbi's eyes extended to the size of saucers. She let out a relieved breath and
laughed as she lifted the blonde clear off her feet. "This is great!"
The loud shrill of the office phone broke their playful celebration. Bobbi muttered
under her breath as she released the blonde and reached for the phone. She groaned
loudly when she saw the intercom button flashing. It was Janine. "Yes?" Her tone
Completely taken back, Janine was stunned into stuttering. "Um, y-you have you're
next appointment waiting in exam one."
"Be right there," she barked. She hung up the phone with an audible click and
turned back to Michelle with a smile. "Ah, well duty calls. We'll talk about it
when I get home this afternoon. It's my turn to do dinner, so why don't you pick
a movie for us to watch?"
"Okay, I can do that." She paused and her voice lowered. "Just hurry home okay?"
"Will do." Bobbi leaned in for a quick but lingering kiss. "I gotta go."
Michelle chuckled and reached up to brush the brunette's swollen lips. "You've
got my lipstick all over you. Here, let me."
"No, it's okay. I got something that will get it off better." An idea took shape
in her mind.
They broke apart completely. Bobbi waved the lingering Husky over, knowing he
was probably dying for attention. "Hey, boy. Pink might be your color."
Taz whined and gave her a strange look.
Bobbi chuckled and kneeled in front of the cooing baby. "Hey, Peanut." She tweaked
his nose. He gurgled and gave her a happy grin, and on cue, tried to hand her
his keys. Bobbi laughed outright. "Don't you ever change, peanut. I'll see you
two tough guys later." She rose after leafing a hand through the child's dark
blonde hair. Green and blue met and as if the as if the last few minutes had not
happened at all, the gaze smoldered. Whoa, girl! With her thumb, Bobbi
traced moist lips one last time and growled at the resulting shiver. "Mmm yeah,
Chelle, you'd better get outta here before you end up not leaving at all."
Michelle felt like she had just gained her breath only to lose it again. "Kay."
A couple of minutes and another static charged look later, Michelle and her entourage
exited the office and entered the hallway.
Hearing voices, Janine swiveled around in her chair. Her heart stopped in her
chest as the sour taste of bile washed up into her throat. Who the hell is
that?! Is that the friend she talked about? She followed the figures with
her eyes as the disappeared down the hall, hoping the woman could feel the hole
she was burning in the back of her head. Her attention switched as Bobbi came
out of the office. Janine's insides quaked as the doctor got closer and closer.
She felt the blood drain from her face, and inside she screamed at the sight of
swollen lips and the evidence of lipstick that the doctor did not have before.
Her hand balled into a tight fist and blunt nails dug hard into her palm drawing
out stinging pain. Any pain was better than this. Anything. Oh God! I didn't
move fast enough. It doesn't work---this being up front and real with people.
It doesn't work. Anger and desolation seeped into her every pore.
Bobbi saw the ashen features of the nurse and her insides churned. I'm sorry
Janine, but I didn't see any other way.
I hope you enjoyed the update and learned a lot. Tell me what you really think
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