Disclaimer:  The Awakening contains adult content some may find offensive.  Be advised, it deals with the darker aspects of love, trust and devotion. 

For the men who loved me as hard as they could, as long as they could, and as real as they could.  Thank you for endeavoring

For the women who loved me as deeply as they could, as intensely as they could, and as passionately as they could.  Thank you for attempting.

For the children who loved me…simply for me.  Thank you for knowing.

For the spirit guides who sighed in frustration, laughed in glee, and held me tenderly when I was lost.  Thank you for being real.

And finally, for me…the real me.  I love you.

The Awakening
Moon Dancer


          The acrid smells of pepper, earth, and fire permeated my nostrils; burning the tender membranes.  I could feel my lungs rebel against a simple breath as I struggled to remain calm.  My wrists twisted and strained, hoping somehow to loosen the strong leather bonds that I had been placed in earlier by a cloaked form to no avail.  I could feel her approaching the clearing and my heart jumped in my chest.  Dear God, the anticipation marched through my veins with the beat of a hundred percussions.  My skin pricked, my hair was alive, and tiny prisms of light danced in my head as I strained to see behind me. 

I obediently wore the thin wisps of cloth that were left behind for me earlier in the evening.  They barely concealed my breasts, kissing the tender skin more than covering me, and I blushed deeply when I put it on.  The diaphanous bottom part was more a vision than attire.  It wrapped between my legs, as a loincloth made of the finest spider webs, fragile, ethereal, and soft.  I felt so beautiful, so deliciously naughty and enticing as I lay atop the large, flat stone, bound tightly and trembling from the chill as much as my thoughts.  The cloaked person had left me there more than 20 minutes before, my mind had run rampant since, devising, and second-guessing what was before me now. 

          Was that footfall?  Had I heard the first of many, or were my ears playing tricks?  My head fell back down and I tried to remember.  ‘What was it?’  I thought.  What was I told to do?!  I couldn’t remember and felt myself falling heart first into the consuming flames of fear. 

          Yes!  I heard something!  Again, it was there, teasing my ears and my mind with the ominous sounds of something I still couldn’t see.  My head reared back, pulling the restraints that held my feet fast against the stone.  A small sharp pain shot through my leg and I relaxed again.  She was watching.  I could feel her eyes searing into my flesh.  I knew she waited for me; for me to remember and begin.  Hot tears of frustration swelled in my eyes and I tried again to recall the sweet, heavy words whispered in my ear as dawn had crept over an unsuspecting mountain. 

She had let me sleep in that morning, just past dawn when suddenly the familiar weight of her body against my back awoke me.  I tried to rise up and she stilled me with a loving finger to my mouth.

          “No sound, my dove.  Just sleep.”  Her words soothed me, sending me back into my pillow with little effort.  I felt a smile pull languorously at my lips as half dreams wafted through my mind and reminded me of lavender and sage.  Her voice kissed my soul as she continued softly, deeply, burning the words into my core.  I could feel the heat from her breath and sweet moisture from her tongue as she teased me and said, “Remember, my dove, you must remember.  Give me what’s mine.  No fear, no thought, no limits.  Just…Geronimo.”  And with that, she lingered one moment more and pulled gently back, sliding her hands down my body as she went.  I wanted to speak, to ask what she meant.  Every muscle in my neck and upper body tightened, pulling and pushing against the heavy blanket of slumber.  I don’t remember finding my face in the pillow, nor do I remember when the dreams began, but for hours her husky whispered words echoes through my subconscious like the musical rasp of a tambourine.

          My eyes popped open to the present as another sound whispered from the cluster of trees behind me.  Just as I strained my neck to see, her words were there, in my ear, in my mind, drenching my soul with the gentle commands.  ‘…my dove…remember…no fear…what’s mine...Geronimo.’  Almost instantly, I felt the tension begin to release its iron grip on my body.  I opened my mouth and inhaled, ingesting the air more than breathing, and felt a soft smile of purity and fire relax into my face. 

          Repeatedly her husky voice returned, thrumming in my soul from my morning dream-state to guide me now.  I could almost feel her firm hands on my body, soothing away the remaining tension as I breathed rhythmically, keeping time to a primal beat.  As I inhaled each new breath, a moan of pure pleasure released and followed it back into the night.  I could feel my feet twisting, pulling slightly again, but not in pain or apprehension.  This time contentment flowed through my limbs.  Deliberate and catlike I stretched, now enjoying the feel of taut leather, the peppery smell of earth and fire.  My mind swam with images as I eagerly awaited the first touch, the first recognition, the first glance into the abyss of the universe in those eyes.

          My ears perked as the soft thud of her hard leather boots against earth reached into my thoughts.  Footfall, so methodic and sure that I could have danced, paced itself in my direction.  In my mind’s eye, I watched as the air parted for her entrance, as the trees bowed low in humble reverence.  The earth rumbled with each step and I could only imagine that even the stones around her would roll out of respect.  I was tempted to look behind me, but focused instead on my breath.  I breathed in…fire, ice, passion, endurance.  I exhaled…fear, doubt, and insecurity.  Each breath was numbered as sounds of her preparation echoed in the night near my head.  The languorous fire danced next to me, its soulful breath reaching out to warm my arms and legs and I felt the first stirrings of devotion rise in my heart.  The time was drawing ever near, and now I lay in wait, anticipating the rush, the thrill, as my eyes searched the ebony sky above me.  Stars resembling the light in her eyes sparkled, winking seductively as my soul rose further into the night. 

          A startled gasp caught in my throat when her hand reached out, touching but not touching, caressing the air above my head.  I ached to push myself into that space, to revel in the smoldering fire of her touch, but knew better.  My eyes longed to gaze into hers, to sear my soul with one glance but I must wait for consent.  I dragged in a ragged breath and willed myself not to look; I must wait.  I yearned to please her, to hear that contented sigh, and see the devilish lights sparkle in her eyes.  Oh God, my skin ached, tingled in mad anticipation as the sound of preparations behind me signaled it was time. 

          She stepped around to my side and tested the restraints on my wrists, elbows, and ankles.  Every scent, every sound was heightened and I could feel the warm, moist swells in my center as my body readily responded.  A swift tug and she smiled, pleased with her work.  “M-m-m.  Never a mark.”  She said and her husky, thick voice swam over me.  Sweet, delicious fire settled in my core, churning, devouring my will as I continued to look into the night sky.  Knowing how my body agonized, her expert skills were defined and she was careful not to touch me.  I felt, rather than saw, a smile crease her face and heard a throaty laugh under her breath when she sensed my growing need to be set free.  That laugh left me irritated and impatient, and too late I knew she had seen my relapse.  Tears of sadness welled in my eyes when she stepped away.  I had displeased her with my obvious want and I felt the emptiness in my soul.  Her low voice traveled to my ears and a repentant sigh escaped me.

          “Where is my obedience?  Who is this woman before me?” she sighed, shaking her head slightly in frustration.  Her eyes darkened and her voice lowered almost menacingly, “Contain that need, my dove, and I will return”.  And she stepped back into the trees, needing to be with her own thoughts as much as I.

          Ever eager to please her, I inhaled, holding it hard inside my lungs as I remembered my training and centered myself in the universe, my soul one with the ebony heavens.  Slowly I allowed the pent breath to escape, delivering my will to her competent hands as I fully exhaled.  Another breath and I literally felt my soul release to her, completely and with awe.  I smiled inwardly, a satisfied light growing within as I heard her step out of the trees once again.  She knew me so well.

          Her guttural sound of intense pleasure fueled my need to serve her every desire.  “There you are my tender dove.”  She whispered next to my ear and pushed her face slightly into my neck, breathing in the last of the fear, capturing my scent in her mind.  “Now, look at me.  Mirror me my own soul.”  She commanded and without thought, my eyes slowly floated in her direction.  As if time stood still, as if the universe had bowed to the intensity, nothing moved around us.  I wondered if the flames had grown still when my eyes found hers, locked in a moment of timeless, primal music only we could hear.  For an instant, she smiled deep into my eyes.  Her hand tenderly caressed my hair, pushing it back from my face and for one tenth of a second I reacted, pushing against her, feeding yet devouring that magnificent strength at once.

          Without words, she stepped back toward the fire to retrieve the cup of warm oil that stood in wait.  When she walked away, silhouetted by the flames, my eyes wandered, ingesting the sight as if it were manna from an unseen hand.  She was utterly magnificent.  Her body was solid as stone, yet supple and lithe as a child.  I could see the muscles of her upper arms in the flickering orange light of the fire.  Her thighs rippled with each long stride, moving under the leather as if she and the fabric were one.  She stood for a moment over the flames, stretching her hands out and welcoming the golden power.  Her hair, her arms, her entire body magically became one with the night, the flames, and the wind.  A breath caught in my throat, trapped there as if she had commanded it with a thought.  Graceful and catlike, she bent low to reach for the cup, and tears of total devotion filled my hungry eyes.  Every part of her was alive, conscious, and alert to the night, to the moment.  She turned to walk back and my eyes quickly averted to the sky.  She knew I had seen her.  I heard a short devilish snicker and knew she had so generously allowed me that pleasure.  My heart took wings and a sigh of relief wavered as I breathed in, reveling in the stunning sight that I captured for my private thoughts. 

          Her expert hands reached behind her to retrieve a tiny silver ladle from the snug waistband of her black leather pants.  I kept my eyes averted, as I knew she wanted and slowly the oil trickled onto my quivering stomach.  It was sweet torture and she smiled, watching my eyes for even the slightest sign of disobedience.  She dipped the ladle again, filling it once more to the rim.  Patiently, she let the heated thick fluid drip onto me, leaving tiny rivers of delicious intensity in their wake.  Each drop was more intense than the last and my breath caught in my lungs as she moved methodically up to my neck and back down.  My body moved under her electrifying gaze as my legs stretched and my hips writhed.  While I stayed focused on the succulent heat that threatened to steal my resolve, she discarded the cup of oil.  Without knowing when, suddenly her hands were on me, gently stroking every inch of my body.  She watched me, smiled from time to time, as she massaged, pulled, and caressed my skin.  God help me, if she didn’t stop soon I would leap from my restraints.  Licking, teasing flames from her fingers replaced the burn of warmed oil and I writhed under her touch.  She knew how eager I was, how hungry and wanting and with slow, deliberate motions she ministered to me.  The thin wisps of cloth I wore for her eyes only were now soaked with oils, transparent and pliant, like second skin.  Her touch through the fabric felt as if there was no fabric at all and I smiled inwardly knowing why she had so carefully chosen it for this night.  I savored every scent and thought, every sigh as I fought the urgency rapidly building in my core.  My legs pulled against the leather straps, aching to open to her but the sure burn of resistance at my ankles grabbed my attention.  I had no choice but to stay centered.  I struggled desperately against a primordial heat to follow my freed soul into certain oblivion.

          After several deep breaths, I thanked the heavens my arms and hands were bound, or I would have sorely displeased her indeed.  My knuckles were white with the grip I had on the straps to hold myself in place.  I knew she was smiling, more impishly than in pleasure, as her fingers traced little paths up and down my stomach, landing like a timid butterfly on my breasts.  If I hadn’t been able to see out of the corner of my eye, I wouldn’t have been sure she even touched me until a sharp twinge seared through my body and I knew.  Carefully lodged between her thumb and finger, my taut nipples grew, warmed, and sprang to life under her touch.  Sweet, intense pain washed over me as I arched my back, feeding more of me into her hands.

          I heard her voice from afar and clenched my teeth, sucking sweet air in around them.  “Yes, little dove, give me what is mine.  Show me the mirror as no one else can”.  She hissed and gradually increased the pressure.  Her fingers were like vices, releasing and clamping again and the sensation continued to boil inside.  Her face was an inch from mine and I knew the command I saw in her keen eyes.  Without words, I spanned my soul, widened my horizon, and found a place in the universe meant only for us.  My mind released the ounce of doubt left in my core, and I flew, soaring into the void beyond conscious thought with her unwavering, crystal eyes locked into mine. 

          “Yes, my dove, yes-s-s.” she sighed through clenched teeth.  After a small eternity, I felt her leisurely begin to release the pressure, guiding me back with her eyes and voice.  Her other hand expertly caressed my thighs, my stomach, reaching down just far enough to cause a gasp of pure pleasure when she knowingly nudged against the oil soaked loincloth between my trembling legs. 

          “Come back to me, now.”  She commanded quietly and bent her face next to mine.  She lovingly searched inside my soul, searching for her own, as my eyes filled with tears of wonder and peace.  We were the night wind, the aged trees, and musty earth all around.  I pulled her inside when my back arched, my lids lowered and I saw my smile reflect in her eyes.  I wanted to stay in this place, to grow beyond thought, beyond any realm of existence.  But my soul was obedient, my will belonged to her and I followed her back.  I literally felt my body descend gently onto the now warm stone.

          Her devoted arms encircled me, keeping me safe as she slowly untied one side of the straps at my arms.  A glint sparkled in my eye when I realized I was free to touch her.  Surprised, she pulled back and brought my lifeless, heavy arm around to be pinned beneath her as she reached down to release one leg.  My silence was her gift as I followed her lead and flipped to my stomach, happy to lie in peace.  But I suspected that wasn’t her plan as she once again bound me, eager and willing, to the cold unyielding stone.

          Her stealthy movements left me wondering, but without fear or shame as she readied once again.  I knew better than to look up, or certain discipline would be swift.  Trusting her with my life, my soul, and my heart, I closed my eyes and remained silent.  Occasionally I felt her passionate touch, caressing my buttocks or shoulder in reassurance as I continued to glide easily across the waves of emotions. 

          She positioned my hands in front of me, stretched out to a point like a soothing star in the black sky.  My legs were splayed wide, revealing my acquiescence to her wolf-like gaze and I reveled in the pleasure I knew this brought her.  She loved seeing me this way, vulnerable and hungry, on a plane of raw emotion only she and I understood. 

          I could feel the restraints loosen at my feet, and in surprise, I started to look over my right shoulder to inquire.  A low growl from behind arrested any further movement and I remained fixed in this position, wondering what devilry she planned for the rest of the night.  My mind swam with what the night would bring as I tried to focus on what I would see in her face.

          All too soon, she was at my hands, near my head, and I felt her cool fingers working with the straps.  I toiled to keep my head low in respect, and my eyes averted in total trust.  Everything I did, every move, every thought was done for her pleasure.  Lying face down against the warm stone was a comfort, more than a thought, knowing I did it for her.

          When she released my wrists, my head almost shot up in surprise.  She laughed deep in her throat and stopped me from moving by grabbing my freed arms in her capable hands.  

          “My little dove.” She whispered.  “Tonight we are going to climb, higher than we’ve ever been.  Tonight we will learn to fully release, to one another, in the chasm of our thoughts and souls.”  Her voice was menacing, yet passionate.

          I felt the tiniest streak of curious concern race through my loins as I lay there, waiting for her to make the next move. 

          She leaned closer to me and whispered softly next to my temple, “Look at me”.  Instead of quickly raising my eyes to meet hers, I found myself halting, trying to quell the trepidation that seemed to rise in my throat.  Again, she whispered, this time with the authority I had so grown to love.  “Look at me, now”.  She commanded softly and I felt a slight tremble start at my lower back.

My eyes closed, asking for a moment’s solace as I tried to imagine what look would be on her face, and how her eyes would sparkle in the fire’s light as she steadily loosened the straps at my ankles.  A wicked gleam meant I was in for a night of devilish wonders beyond any realm.  Soft glowing embers suggested intense lessons in obedience and stamina.  Deep, dark pools signified passion that would surpass all bounds. 

          The slight tremble increased, reaching up my spine with insistent fingers as my head raised and her eyes found mine.  There wasn’t one single emotion I could see there, not one that outshone the others, and I peered deeper.  My eyes must have mirrored pleasant shock, and a grin creased her sculpted face.  She knew I saw her, the real part of her no one else knew, guarded and protected only for me.  All three emotions were there in her eyes and I could feel my whole world being sucked in, slowly drawn into the abyss of magnificent gleaming embers in a dark pool.  My heart swelled in my chest, and every cell of my body quaked when she grazed the side of my face with the back of her fingers. 

I was tenderly, instantly consumed by the love, the totality of oneness we shared.  I watched her every move and she returned to her place at my head.  I breathed deep, silently thankful she hadn’t taken away my gift of watching.  Every muscle in her body rippled, alive with excitement, tension, and fire of the moment.  Her hand reached out, and I watched her thumb curl and her fingers bend around the handle of a whip I had never seen before.  It was glistening black and I could smell the scent of the oils she had used to prepare it.  When she lifted it from its cradle, it uncoiled like a serpent and a heavy moan rushed past my lips, leaving no doubt as to my thoughts. 

I watched over my outstretched arm as she stepped to my side once again.  Her legs, so strong and sure, seemed to be one again with the leather.  Like skin, it moved with her, caressing her, adoring her as she walked to more than six feet away from my side.  My eyes began to burn as I watched her stretch out the whip in front of her.  It was magnificent, a being of light all its own, ending in two feet of several thin strands of leather.  Each one was alive, of its own accord and she lifted the handle high, liberating it deliciously to its full length.

We had discussed mental bonds before, played with it lightly, but had she had never taken me there.  But I knew tonight was different, so powerful, extreme, and passionate.  Tiny sparks of electric energy almost filled the air between us.  Total and absolute love and devotion whispered in the trees, hissed in the fire raging behind her, and hummed in the stone under my body.  My every thought, every desire was to please her.  How could anyone possibly know the magnitude of what really held me in place, a love so deep, so pure, and whole that nothing could cause me to move?  Nothing short of death could take me away from her loving touch.  And even then, I knew we would be one, forever.

I watched as the leather extension of her emotions descended its first time by her side, snapping against the earth in a tender caress of sweet knowledge.  The passion and hunger in her face sparked as she watched the leather lanyard like one watches a lover emerging, stretching after a night of satiating love. 

She looked into me then, capturing my soul in hers, and her silent command was obeyed as I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and breathed deep.  I could hear the air hissing, parting around the whip, around her body as she raised the handle into the air for the second time.  My ears pricked as her lungs sucked in life giving air and she spoke with such intensity, such power, and magnificence I felt her intense pain.  Her words were roaring flames more than words and I transcended on them, soaring into the abyss of love and time, beyond all realm of knowledge as her words traveled to me, searing into my heart and core like a steel rod.

“Release me, my love!” she growled.  The words thundered in my soul and the whip descended, pulling life and time with it, trust beyond measure, love beyond life, to land at my side, striking the stone with so much force I could almost hear it shatter onto the earth.  My heart stood still and I felt my eyes open for the first time in my life. 

I lay motionless, teetering on the brink of eternity.  I could hear the thunder under her feet as she took three steps toward me.  Deafening silence engulfed us and once more she spoke, this time whispering so tenderly, so complete it caressed my heart like a warm glove. 

Ragged breaths were torn from her as she tried to find the strength to speak.  “Please,” she whimpered.  “Come to me”.  And I pushed my heavy body upward, onto my elbow, searching the night for her eyes, for her smile, for the arms that would carry my back one more time.  “Come to me, darling”.  She repeated and tears of purest relief shone in her beautiful eyes when as my feet came around over the edge and touched the earth.  I’m not certain if she reached for me, or if I was simply drawn into her, but at once, we were One, consumed by the gift not many can conceive, much less enjoy, as her arms wrapped tightly around my still quivering body as I fell into her, and she into me…forever…and beyond.

“Geronimo”.  She smiled, planting feverish kisses on my eyes, tasting the tears, on my cheeks, and my neck.

“Geronimo.”  I replied through a weak smile, breathing, more than saying the word into her hungry mouth as she so freely took from me once more, what had been hers for all time.

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