"Ugly Duckling"
By Murphy



Disclaimer: This is number twenty-six of the Journal Series. All fluff. Thank you to my beta team Becky Lovall, Sue Rice, and Cindy (ForevaXena). Bards' Village you are the best! Deb! Love ya! Claire!!! Stay naked! Song by Bette Midler! No one does love like the Divine Miss M. Poem by Inspired Lor. Second poem by Author unknown.


Sisters are a special gift, nothing can compare
Coming in answer to an unconscious prayer
When I was younger, wishing I had appreciated our bond.
Sharing secrets, swapping clothes and even jumping in the pond.
Over the years, sharing so much together
As sisters standing side by side to brave any weather
The special bond that we share, I hold it close to my heart.
In my life you have always been such an important part.
I'll always wish you the best - may your dreams come true.
You deserve the world and I want great things for you.
Deep down inside it's often hard to let you see.
I thought you should know, I love you so, you're more than a sister to me.


Journal Entry:


Hello. I am home in good old Poteidaia trying to be a good daughter, with no luck. Xena and I decided to camp where we first met so she would not kill my father. That man wouldn't acknowledge my wife and she wasn't welcomed in his home. That means I'm not welcomed either. I agreed with my mother to stay close for Lila's sake. Seems my sister has been going through some rough times and won't open up to mother and I hoped she would open up to me.


Xena was wonderful and gave me some time with my little sister. Or I should say, she got out of a long talk with my little sister and I. Funny, she is a grown woman and I will forever see her as the snot-nosed kid that used to beat me up when we were younger. My bouncy energetic sister was now very quiet and always seemed deep in thought.


I finally sat her down and we had our sisterly chat. Seems the man my father betrothed her to thought she was rather plain looking. The more Lila talked, the more enraged I got. Long story short, the man I will call "dung head", called off the wedding and my father has blamed Lila for it all. Gods bless that idiot father of ours. To make matters worse, she cared for "dung head".


I held her and let the tears fall and thought, what words could I use to make her feel better? Nothing I could say or do would make it better. Lila has to feel better about herself to heal. Anything I would say would fall upon deaf ears. This is where all my guilt comes in. I have missed so much. This happened about two moons ago and Lila has never been the same since.


Lila's heart is so bitter on love now, she is so afraid to take a chance. She just goes day by day with the idea that love was not meant for her. Growing up, Lila and I could not have been different enough. I wanted change and adventure, to find my tree in the forest and live my life to its fullest. If I lived the life my parents had wanted me to, I would have been good as dead by now.


Lila loved the farmer’s life. She wanted to stay in one place and make a family in her home village. Cook, clean and make a home for her husband. Just grow old and live happily ever after. I was afraid to show her my love for Xena; she was not in the mood to see two people so in love. It took Lila some time to get used to me being with Xena, but she pulled around fairly quickly. She and I might have had our share of sibling rivalry, but we were always there to support each other. Then thinking about it, maybe by Xena and I showing affection she would see love was not gone in the world.

The other day Lila and I went to market to pick up a few things for mother while Xena escaped off to fish. While we were shopping a very handsome man came to say hello to Lila. He was so awestruck with Lila (it was so cute) and all my sister could do was blow him off. She was so rude to this nice man.


He introduced himself to me since my sister was in such a hurry to get away from him. Lucas was his name and he worked for the blacksmith in town. I informed him who I was. The poor guy did everything to get my hardheaded sister’s attention. I wanted to kick her in the butt. Lucas was truly interested in Lila. He asked her to the dance we hold every Summer Solstice and she said no, then walked off leaving this man standing there like a wounded pup.


I caught up to her and asked her what in Tartarus she was doing. Then she let me have it. She feels ugly and no one will want her; she would not go through all this again. She couldn’t take the pain of being rejected, love was for fools. Then she ran like I had just set her on fire. Gods, what can I do? I felt so helpless. I went off towards the old pond we used to swim in, just to clear my head and think.


I remember when I was small always feeling like I never fit in. One of the many talks Xena and I had was about our childhoods. I told my wife that I was the misfit. Found out, so was one Warrior Princess. Xena was tall and strong and loved to play with her brothers. She never could get into cooking and dolls and playing with the girls of her village, so she was made in fun of often. Granted she kicked theirs butts for teasing, but it still hurt.


Cyrene was always too busy to talk, so Xena went to her Grandmother for comfort. Another thing we have in common. Her Grandmother would hold her and just make all her troubles go away. Xena showed me this little poem that she still carries with her today. The paper is worn and it is hard to read, but it is one of Xena's most treasured possessions. I hope I can remember it all. It goes something like this:


Hang in there baby
I know that it's rough.
But you're gonna make it
You show them you're tough.
I'm here beside you
And I'll cheer you on.
Sharing my strength
For you to lean on.
Don't let it get you
All down in the dumps.
This isn't the first time
You've taken some lumps.
Sometime you feel like
You're just in a rut.
But winners are losers
Who never gave up.
So give me your hand
Hold on to mine.
And hang in there baby
You're doin' just fine.


Bet no one would ever think of Xena as "Baby." It warms my heart so much to see this side of her. To know we both shared the feeling of not fitting in. How we found one another. I know Lila can find this also. So in my job as older sister, it is time for me to push her in the right direction with the help of one kicking and screaming warrior.


I found Lucas and told him we would be at the dance and to be ready. I also explained a little about why my sister acted the way she did. He told me he had cared for my sister from afar for the longest time. He just never felt worthy enough being a blacksmith’s helper. We had a good chat and I really liked him. In my heart I knew I would be coming home to see my sister wed to this nice man. Now it was time to deal with my sister. Love can cut so deep, but the rewards… I cannot even express all the rewards. It's just the most beautiful thing any person can experience. You just have to try and keep trying until you find that match. Heck, you need to love yourself most of all. So much to talk about.


Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul bleed
Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower and you it's on the seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live
When the night has been to lonely and the road has been to long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the suns love in the spring becomes the rose


When I got home mother said Lila went straight to her room and had been there the entire time. I prayed that I could handle this right. I slowly went into the dark room and just saw the image of my sister sitting on the corner of her bed. We started to talk and I told her what I told Lucas. She was fuming. I am not the only one here who has a bad temper.


We went at it for a solid candle mark until I finally asked her if she planned to live like a bitter old biddy. Too scared to try. What damage would it do to go and dance? If she did not like him, then tell him and go home. She just had to try and I’d help her. Gods after that, I had to tell Xena I was dragging her to a dance.


So I picked out a dress that was not as short as mine, but did not hang to the floor so you'd trip. She can dress like a village girl but not like one that is planning on being a virgin the rest of her life either. I braided her hair and she looked so beautiful, far from plain. She even had a smile on her face. Wish I could go kick "dung head’s" ass but he is not worth my time. It's his loss and hopefully Lucas's gain. Now it was time for me to get dressed and to get Xena into a dress without armor.


The night went well. Even though I couldn't show my affections for my wife, we still had a good time. Lila was dancing and laughing. Lucas was a complete gentleman and even brought her a flower. They hit it off so well I almost cried. My wife whispered in my ear, "Good job bard." All I could do was smile and watch my sister bloom. Wonder how many nieces and nephews I will have? My last thought of the night will be that everyone knows in some little way that they are beautiful and there is no such thing as a misfit.


Until tomorrow,


Gabrielle.


TBC.