Young At Heart
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, SEE
NOTE:- This story is based in the UK. I have had a few people telling me that there are bits they don't understand due to the fact they are not British so I'm going to explain it all here.
In the UK the age of sexual consent is 16.
The legal drinking age is 18.
You leave school when you are 16.
GCSE's are General Certificate of Secondary Education. They are the final exams in school. I think that is about it. If there is something else you don't understand please feel free to ask.
comments send to : Muzza
As Tegan sat quietly in Jamie's lap, a sense of safety and warmth washed over her and she would have stayed there forever if she could. The sound of Jamie's strong heart beat under her ear, was comforting as well as the strong arms that held her.
"God Tegan, how did you ever survive all of that?" Jamie asked, knowing it took an incredibly strong soul to be able to deal with her rape and being abandoned by her family. Jamie held her close to the smaller woman close to her, cradling her head against her chest, unable to even begin to fathom what she'd been through.
"I just survived." She answered. "And in a way I don't think I did. I wanted my first time to be special, you know. I wanted it to be with someone I was in love with. Scott was my first and I'm not sure I could do that again. I don't think that will ever be a part of my life again."
"I wish I could kill him." Jamie admitted. "How could they send you way for that? How could they be so blind and rotten?"
"It happens that way sometimes." Telling Jamie had required a lot of trust from her. She now knew that if Jamie wanted to betray her trust by telling everyone, her life in Seaview would be over.
"What makes you think that you could never be intimate with anyone again?" Jamie asked.
"I just can't imagine doing that, without reliving the nightmare." Tegan said, softly.
"Tegan it's only been just over a week. You need to give yourself time." She lifted Tegan's head away from her chest to look into her eyes. "You owe it to yourself, and to anyone who loves you to try," she smiled and then asked her another question. "Would you go to a therapist if you needed to?" she asked gently, but Tegan wasn't sure.
"Maybe." she looked uncertain, maybe even that would be too hard.
"You are stronger than you look T. I don't know why, but I don't think you could have come through that if you weren't. You're 16 years old Tegan, you can't throw away part of your life yet. You still have it all to go." Jamie told her. Then she reviewed the conversation they had just had. "Hang on a minute. Did you say you were gay?"
Tegan thought back to her part of the conversation, 'Oh boy', she sighed. "Yeah I guess I did."
"Wow!" Jamie said. "I honestly never thought you were gay."
"Well I tried to keep it hidden." Tegan admitted, then she thought about something else "I'm glad your Uncle brought me to your father, Jamie." Tegan told her. "I don't think I would have been able to open up to anyone the way I just did with you."
"Well I'm glad you finally told me what was bothering you," Jamie admitted. "It isn't good to hold something like that inside you."
"I know." Tegan sighed again replacing her head on Jamie's chest. She was in a warmth there that she never wanted to leave. The feeling of being loved and pretected was so profound that she wanted to cry.
"Tegan can I ask why you never went to the police?" Jamie asked, but she figured she knew the answer to that question already.
"Yeah like my Dad would let me do that." Tegan's voice was full of pain and disgust. "It would ruin his precious image."
"I figured that was what you were going to say. Hey how about that cup of tea now?" Jamie asked "The last one went cold."
"Yes please." Tegan said. "My throat hurts a bit now."
"Well, when the kettle is boiling, I just have to pop downstairs and let my mother know everything is ok." Jamie said. "Will you be ok?"
"Yeah I'll be fine." Tegan said. "Are you going to tell your Mom what I told you?"
"Only if you want me too," Jamie assured her. "If you want me to take it to the grave I'll do that."
"Well I think it would be ok for you to tell your parents. I think they would like to know what a sixteen year old is doing in a big city on her own." Tegan decided.
"Ok than I will." Jamie went into her bedroom where the kettle was and put the kettle on to boil. Then she headed downstairs.
* * * * *
She found her mother and father sitting on the sofa, in the darkened living room, watching the news. So she went in to join them.
"Is Tegan ok now?" Anne asked, she had been worried about her since she heard that scream.
"Yeah I think so," Jamie sighed. "At least I know why she left home."
"Really? Can you tell us or doesn't she want us to know?" John asked, he was still having a tough time trying to figure that one out.
"She said she doesn't mind if you know." Jamie looked like she was going to thump someone, John and Anne knew it wasn't good. "Have you seen the front page of today's paper?"
"Yeah, it's says something about a boy being arrested for rape." Anne frowned, 'what does that have to do with anyt...' "Oh don't say that happened to Tegan."
"Yeah it was the same boy. She saw his picture earlier and she froze," Jamie explained. "And to top it all off her father sent her away. Can you believe it? He sent her here because she might be pregnant."
Anne was disgusted. "Ugh what a pig."
"That's putting it mildly." Jamie started pacing her hands clenched and unclenched into fists. Her faced darkened with her thoughts. "If I had known this when I was in River's End, I would have slapped her father so hard, he wouldn't know what hit him."
"He is her father, Jamie." John looked at her with solemn eyes, although he was totally disgusted as well he knew what a temper Jamie had and he usually knew how to calm her down.
"And that gives him the right to abandon her when she needs her family?" Jamie stopped to look at her father with fierce eyes before she continued pacing. "She isn't even allowed to talk to her mother or sister. What kind of father is that?"
"I don't know, but there are still people around like that Jamie." John admitted, sadly.
"Yeah, well I think anyone that can do that to their own daughter should be shot." Jamie admitted, she was absolutely seething now. She had been able to contain her anger when she was with Tegan but now. Now she was absolutely evil. Images of Tegan's father in her hands as she broke his body, just as he broke Tegan's spirit, were right in the front of her mind causing a sadistic smile to form on her lips.
"Jamie calm down." John looked at his wife with worried eyes, he knew trying to calm his daughter down now, was hopeless.
"Calm down? Calm down?" She looked at him and her mother and saw the worry in there eyes, she knew she was about a hair away from losing it at the moment. 'Yeah come on Jamie, calm down for Gods sake. Just go back upstairs make Tegan that cup of tea you promised her and take out your frustrations on the punch bag in the gym tomorrow morning,' she told herself. "I'm going back upstairs."
So she turned her back on her parents and walked back upstairs. Robin, who had sleeping until he heard the raised voices from downstairs, came out onto the landing, looking worried and nervous.
"Jamie are you ok?" He asked, as he walked towards his sister. He didn't like to see her upset or angry. When she was angry it usually frightened him a lot. The last time he had seen her angry was when Becky had broken up with her and he had stayed out of her way for two whole days, until she had calmed down. When she upset her brother she got even angrier because she was annoyed at herself for doing it.
"I'm fine, Robin," Jamie assured him. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I heard you shouting downstairs and it worried me." He admitted. "Can you come and sing to me for a bit. I know Tegan is upstairs and I know she needs you too, but I have school in the morning and if I can't sleep I'm going to be tired."
"Ok, let me just go upstairs and make Tegan a drink and then I'll be back down. Ok?" Jamie asked.
"Ok." Robin said, walking back to his bedroom.
Jamie just shook her head and walked up the stairs. Tegan was still curled up on the sofa, where Jamie had left her.
"Tegan, are you ok?" Jamie asked, she was walked towards the bedroom.
"Yeah." Tegan said, she was ashamed to admit it, but she had been frightened when Jamie went downstairs. It was like, whenever Jamie wasn't around the horror of what had happened to her came back full force and she couldn't deal with it.
She sat quietly while Jamie went to make the tea. Only lifting her head when the cup was put on the table in front of her. "I'm just going to tuck Robin in a minute," Jamie looked at her with blue worried eyes. "Will you be ok?"
"Yeah." Tegan lied, she didn't want Jamie to think she was too weak to stand on her own. She had never depended on anyone in her life before and she didn't want to start now. Even though she knew it was already too late for that.
So Jamie headed down to tuck Robin in and to sing to him. Robin was already lying in bed waiting when Jamie walked in. His sandy blond hair was rumpled and falling around his head. He looked totally adorable and Jamie realized, yet again, that he was going to be a heartbreaker. He was also the smartest six year old Jamie had ever known. He was already as smart as kids three or four years older than he was. At school the teachers were trying to get him moved up to junior school early, because they felt he was smart enough to be with the older children. That idea was on the back burner for the time being. Robin was going to have to sit a couple of tests during the summer to decide what year he was going to enter.
"Is Tegan ok now?" Robin asked, as Jamie sat on the bed.
"Yeah." Jamie told him.
"Good," Robin smiled at his sister. "I really like her."
Jamie felt a grin tugging at her mouth as she saw the childish smile that covered her youngest siblings face. "So do I," She admitted. "So what do you want me to sing?"
"Anything," Robin said. "I don't care."
"Ok then." Jamie said, as she thought about a song she could sing, that wouldn't take to long because she had a feeling Robin wouldn't be awake long enough to hear a lot. She could tell he was sleepy by the glaze of his eyes, that he was trying to keep open. So finally she decided on a verse and chorus of A TV Kind Of Love by the teen pop sensation Dean Masters.
By the time Jamie had reached the chorus Robin was asleep, so she leaned over and gently kissed him on the forehead before heading out the door and back up to her apartment.
* * * * *
Back upstairs Tegan was sat quietly drinking her tea, thinking back to what Jamie had said about seeing a therapist. Although Tegan was unsure of it, she knew that seeing someone was a good idea but she wasn't sure she could tell the story again. It was hard enough telling Jamie. 'The only thing a therapist will do is analyse the problem,' Tegan thought. 'I don't need that. Do I?'
She heard the door open and looked up to see Jamie closing the door. "Is Robin asleep now?" She asked, as Jamie sat down next to her.
"Yeah," Jamie said. "It's a good job too, because the poor tyke would have been shattered going to school tomorrow."
"It's starting to get late," Tegan said, looking at the clock on the wall in front of them. "Do you think you could drive me home?"
"You could stay here if you want to," Jamie told her. "I have a spare bedroom."
"Are you sure your don't mind?" Tegan raised green eyes, worried. She would much rather not be on her own tonight.
"Of course I don't mind," Jamie assured her. "Please correct me if I'm wrong but I think you could use the company tonight."
Tegan smiled at that. 'She seems to know everything I'm thinking about,' she thought to herself. "I could use the company actually."
"Good." Jamie said. "Let me just go and get you something to sleep in. How about a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. It will be a bit big on you but it's not like you're going to go running around town in it, is it?" Jamie smiled, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"Well actually I was thinking of going for a run." Tegan's face was deadly serious.
"Really?" Jamie was surprised, she didn't think Tegan would feel up to going for a run.
Seeing the shocked look on Jamie's face caused a big teasing grin to appear on Tegan's face. "Gotcha."
Jamie smiled back, then that smile turned into a frown when there was a knock at the door. So looked at the clock on the fireplace and saw that it was 9.45 p.m. 'Who would be calling here at this time of night?' She asked herself, as she walked over to the door. When she opened it she was surprised and annoyed to see Catherine standing there.
"What are you doing here?" Jamie asked, as she noticed how Catherine was dressed. She was wearing a skin tight red dress. The kind of dress that were usually associated with the women in the red light district. She was wearing a leather coat and looked like a stereotypical prostitute. 'Which is what she is anyway,' Jamie thought to herself, as Catherine pushed Jamie into the apartment and followed her in. Not waiting to be invited.
"Well I thought you might like some company," Catherine said, looking over Jamie's shoulder and not liking what she saw at all. "But I see you already have that," disgust evident in her voice. "Well I have to ask you, Jamie, is your friend better than me? Does she make you hot like I used to."
"Catherine get out of my apartment." Jamie growled.
"Oh come on Jamie, why don't we try a Menage a Trois," Catherine said, with a sly smile. "Or have you gotten too greedy to share. I can see what you see in her though. She's a lot like Becky used to be. Young, beautiful, innocent and probably couldn't count to ten."
"Get out of here now, Catherine," Jamie growled again, this time with more force than either Tegan or Catherine had heard before. "Don't make me throw you out."
Catherine turned to Tegan, "I'd watch your back if I was you." She said."Never turn it on her. As soon as it is turned she'll pounce on you so quick, you'll wish you never moved to Seaview." With that she turned at left.
Jamie slammed the door behind her, her entire body was tense. 'Why does she lie about everything when she doesn't get her own way,' Jamie thought with disgust. Then she turned around to face Tegan. Her heart fell when she saw the trepidation on Tegan's face. "I'll um... just go and um... uh get you something to wear," Jamie said.
'Could that be true,' Tegan thought. 'What if Jamie is just as bad as Scott,' the thought made her shiver. "Uh Jamie, I think it might be a better idea if I went home," Tegan said, noticing the way Jamie's face dropped.
"Oh ok. If that is what you wan,t" Jamie said, sadly. 'Now I know why she lied,' she thought. 'I swear if I catch hold of that little bitch I'm going to strangle he,r' she turned and looked at the door and then back at Tegan. "Do you want me to get my mother to drive you?"
"I think that would be a better idea. I don't want to trouble you." Tegan said, her heart felt heavy again and she didn't know what to do. She knew that Catherine was probably lying because she was jealous, but with what had happened to her this week she wasn't sure she could take that chance. She didn't even know Jamie that well.
"I'll go down and ask her now." Jamie said, then turned and left. For the first time, in as long as she could remember, she felt like crying, as she walked slowly down the stairs.
"Mom, Dad can one of you do me a favour?" Jamie asked, as she arrived downstairs.
"Sure honey what is it?" John asked, then he saw the crestfallen look on his daughters face. "What's wrong?"
"Can one of you take Tegan home please?" Jamie asked, silently pleading with them not to ask why she couldn't do it.
"Why what did you do?" Anne asked, she liked Tegan and if Jamie had done anything to upset or hurt the girl she would, she would.... 'what would I do' she thought.
"I didn't do anything." Jamie said, annoyed that her parents could think he would do anything to upset Tegan, especially after everything Tegan had told her earlier. 'Damn you, Catherine,' she looked at her parents with total honesty. "Catherine just turned up and she got jealous when she noticed Tegan was there. She started telling her all these lies about me and how she shouldn't turn her back on me because I'd pounce on her before she knew what happened. It's not surprising she won't let me drive her home. She most probably thinks I can't wait to get her clothes off either," Jamie explained, getting angrier with Catherine the more she said.
"That's a load of rubbish. Why don't you tell her the truth?" Anne asked, upset with Catherine as well. "After all we have done for that little slut, Catherine would do that?"
"Mom, it's not worth causing an argument about. It's just not worth it. Can one of you please take Tegan home?" She asked.
"I'll do it." Anne said, she would sort Tegan out.
"Mom please, don't cause any trouble ok? Tegan's been through a lot today," Jamie reminded her. "Just take her home."
"Jamie Phillips, if you think I'm going to sit back and let someone slander my daughter's name, you have got another think coming. I wouldn't stand for that about anyone and I will most certainly not stand for it when it is my own family. If you think I will then you don't know me as well as you think you do. Excuse me. You can tell Tegan I'll be waiting in the car." She grabbed the keys and walked out of the door.
"Great." Jamie said. "Just great."
She shook her head and headed back up the stairs where she found Tegan sitting on the sofa facing the door. 'Well Catherine did say don't turn your back on me.' She thought sadly. "My Mom is waiting in the car for you." With that she turned her back to Tegan and walked into the bedroom, not willing to let Tegan see the pain in her eyes.
Tegan watched Jamie's retreating back with a lump in her throat. 'What am I doing,' she thought to herself. 'She has never done anything to me and I'm treating her like a evil person.' She wanted to say something to Jamie, to tell her that she trusted her more than she had trusted anyone in her whole life, but the words stuck in her throat and she lowered her head, sadly turned and walked out of the door.
* * * * *
Anne was waiting in the car when she noticed Tegan walking down the steps from Jamie's apartment. She had to remind herself not to lose her temper, just in a calm and well mannered way tell Tegan she had her daughter all wrong. She remembered what had happened to Jamie when Becky had broken up with her and she knew that if it had been any other person, they would have had a few choice words to say to her, but Jamie had just accepted it and went home, heartbroken. She kept to herself a lot for the next couple of weeks because she didn't want to risk seeing Becky, she had even gone so far as to not eat and she became really ill. Then Robin had turned around to her and said three words that changed Jamie's whole attitude towards life. 'Don't Die, Jamie.'
She remembered the looked in Jamie's eyes with a clarity that shocked her. Jamie had basically walked to the kitchen, picked up the food that they had bought specially to try and get to eat and she had eaten that and she had seconds and thirds. She refused to let the same thing happen to her eldest daughter again. And she knew that if Tegan turned her back on Jamie now, because of a lie that came from a jealous former girlfriend, Jamie wouldn't survive.
It had surprised Anne and John at how quickly Jamie had fallen for Tegan. She tried to deny it but they could always tell by the smile in her eyes when she talked about Tegan, and also by how protective of Tegan she had been from day 1.
Tegan got into the car, quietly. She didn't know whether to talk or just keep totally silent and pretend she wasn't there. That didn't work.
"Do you mind telling me what happened between you and my daughter tonight?" Anne asked, she wanted to hear Tegan's side of the story before she decided on a course of action.
"Nothing really. Why?" Tegan asked, unsure on what Anne already knew.
"Well my daughter doesn't get upset for nothing, Tegan. She already told me that Catherine came in and told you some things about her although she didn't say what," she lied. "I know my daughter wouldn't stand up for herself because she doesn't like to cause trouble so I'm asking you what Catherine said about her. I know you believe whatever she said and I would like to know if what you believe is true or a load of rubbish."
So Tegan told her everything that Catherine had said and then listened as Anne cursed Catherine. "That no good lying piece of trash," Anne said. "Well for starters, I can tell you everything that you have just repeated to me is a load of crap. My daughter was very serious about Becky but that is up to her to tell you, not me. And as for watching your back, Tegan, Jamie wouldn't hurt anyone. She knows what it's like to be taken advantage of. Ok granted, not the same as you have, for which I am very sorry. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Jamie could never treat anyone as badly as she was treated herself," Anne explained. "Catherine doesn't like it when Jamie shows interest in anyone else. And seeing you at the apartment tonight must have been a shock to the little tramp. She knows that saying something like that about anyone, will result in suspicion between whoever heard her. Apparently it worked. I know what happened to you was a very bad thing, Tegan, and it was also most probably the main reason you jumped to conclusions tonight, but you can't go through life not trusting anyone. It's not good for you. If you trust someone, you need to show it, and not turn away from them without an explanation."
"Jamie hates me now doesn't she." Tegan said, sadly. Everything Anne was saying was true. She had jumped to conclusions about Jamie because she was afraid of what would happen to her. While that was all fair and good, if she couldn't trust someone just because someone said something bad about them, she was never going to trust anyone again.
"Of course she doesn't hate you, Tegan," Anne said. "Do you know me and her father had to forcefully stop her from getting in the car and driving to River's End tonight?" she was lying but she had to rebuilt the faith this young girl had had in her daughter before this had happened. Anne knew that deep down Tegan did trust Jamie, she wouldn't have told her about the rape otherwise.
"Why did she want to go to River's End?" Tegan asked, hoping it wasn't to get away from her.
"She wanted to go and find that Scott person and do God knows what and she even wanted to go and flatten your father." Anne said, with a smile. That much was true.
"I would have like to have seen that," Tegan admitted. "He deserved it."
"Which one?" Anne asked, quietly.
"Both of them." Tegan said, just as quietly. That was the hardest thing for her to admit. She had always stuck up for her father, even when he didn't deserve it. But that was something she couldn't do any more. Her father deserved just as much as Scott did, maybe even more because in some ways what her father had done was worse, because he had treated her like a whore and kicked her out, cutting her off from her family when she needed them most. No one should be treated like that.
"Well maybe I shouldn't have stopped Jamie then," Anne said. "So do you believe me about her?"
"Yeah. I guess I decided she wasn't that bad before you told me that. I just couldn't be sure. I mean I've known Jamie for a week and I didn't know what else to do. I just can't leave myself open to that risk." Tegan explained, hoping that would be enough to convince Anne as they pulled up outside the club.
"You don't have to explain to me Tegan. My sister went through the same thing you are going through right now. Only she was younger than you. It took her a long time to trust anyone. Especially men after that. I don't expect you to just trust the first person that comes along. Neither does Jamie," Anne told her.
"You know the first night I got here, Darren told me that Catherine didn't like it when Jamie showed any sort of interest in anyone, and that I should be careful of her and not be baited and that's exactly what she did." Tegan said.
"Tegan you can't blame yourself. Catherine can be very manipulating. I've seen a lot more of what she can do than you have. Believe me it can be a lot worse than this" Anne said "Now are you going to be ok walking through the bar on your own?"
"Actually I was going to ask if you wanted a cup of tea or something? I'm not sure I could handle myself going through there" Tegan admitted.
"Sure I'd love a cup of tea" Anne said, taking the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car. She waited until Tegan was out and then locked the door.
The bar wasn't very crowded when they walked in because it was a Sunday night, so they managed to get through without the usual pushing and shoving. Ollie frowned as they walked past and he saw Anne but he smiled and waved at them anyway. Tegan returned the smile and wave, even though she didn't feel like it, then carried on out of the bar and up the stairs to her apartment.
When she opened the door, she took in the sight warmly. This was to be her home for possibly the next year and to have somewhere so warm and inviting was great for her. She had expected to have to get a job and a cheap run down apartment but the way it was going now, she could get a Saturday job and use that to pay for her everyday things and then use the five hundred dollars her father gave her to pay for rent of the apartment. "How do you take your poison?" Tegan asked, as Anne shut the door behind them.
"My poison?" Anne asked, wondering if Tegan used the same term for tea that Jamie did.
"Your tea?" Tegan said, sheepishly. She forgot that not everyone used the same terminology.
"I figured that was what it was. Jamie always calls it poison as well. Usually though, when she makes it you know why she calls it poison," Anne chuckled. "That girl can do just about anything. But when it comes to getting her in a kitchen to do anything, let me warn you now, if you want to live, don't let her cook for you."
"She's that good is she?" Tegan smiled. Jamie looked like the type of person who wouldn't be good in a kitchen.
"Oh God, definitely," Anne told her. "We tried to get her a job as a chef once. They asked her what a Chow Mien was. You'll never guess what she told them," Anne shook her head. "She said it was a Chinese martial arts form."
"Really?" Tegan asked, chuckling.
"Well she used to think that Chow Mien was a martial arts form when she was a kid but as for getting the job as a chef, I couldn't risk the lawsui.t" Anne said.
Tegan shook her head and went to make the tea. It wasn't long after it was made that Anne was leaving. "Will you tell Jamie I'm sorry?" Tegan asked, as she walked her to the door.
"I'm sorry Tegan, but that is up to you to tell her, not me," Anne told her. "She wouldn't accept it coming from me."
"Ok," Tegan said. "I'll see her in the morning."
"Good." Anne said and then she left. Leaving a lonely young girl alone and wondering what had happened tonight. 'I was suppose to be staying with Jamie.' She thought sadly. 'Why did Catherine have to ruin it all?'
She sat down in the living room and just stared into the fire. Hoping that Jamie would forgive her tomorrow.
* * * * *
Back in Jamie's apartment, Jamie was looking at the newspaper. So she picked it up and read the article about Scott.
'Local Soccer Captain arrested for Rape'
16 year old Scott Tyler of River's End was arrested for the rape of a fellow class member yesterday. The young girl who cannot be named was found at the local make out spot Murphy's point last night by a couple of passers-by and immediately taken to hospital. When questioned about it, she named the popular Soccer Captain as the attacker.
Scott Tyler is denying all knowledge of the attack and a group of his friends are backing him up saying he was with them at a friends house watching some videos.
We will bring you more information on this when we know more.
"So it wasn't Tegan they were talking about then." Jamie said to herself before putting the paper down and going to her room. Where she lay thinking nice thoughts about going to find Catherine tomorrow and imagining what it would feel like to have her hand wrapped around her throat, looking into her eyes as the glazed over for the final time.
a smile on her face, Jamie went to sleep.
The following morning came too early for Jamie. She hardly slept the night before because she was more worried about Tegan than anything. Why, she didn't know but she did.
She wasn't looking forward to going to work this morning either because that would mean she had to face Tegan and she wasn't sure if she could do that. The suspicion she had seen in Tegan's eyes last night had all but killed her. She could understand Tegan's concern about the whole thing, but what upset Jamie was the fact that Tegan just taken what Catherine had said at face value and never even bothered to ask Jamie if it was true or not. 'Yeah like you'd tell her it was true if it was.' Jamie thought sarcastically, as she went downstairs to call Robin and Sophie for school and then went to call her mother for work.
Anne worked at the same school Sophie was in. She was the English teacher. It had been hell for Jamie having to go through two years of school with her mother as the teacher. Luckily Robin had come along during year 9 and her mother had to take some leave. Sophie was the one suffering now. Anne would practically stand over them when they were doing their homework, just to make sure they were doing it. If they misbehaved in class, where she would threaten the other kids with being sent to the headmaster, they were threatened with being grounded. Although they moaned about it, both Jamie and Sophie enjoyed being their mother's student, most of the time. The only thing was when Jamie had received a A+ on her English GCSE a few people had spread rumours that it was fixed, that Anne had given her the GCSE paper. It didn't matter that no-one saw the papers until the bag was opened and the paper was on the desk of the student. Jamie had tried to ignore it but it had started to get a bit much for her. Her mother wasn't even working when she did her GCSEs.
Sophie and Robin were up before their mother and Robin had to go up and call her again after half an hour. She had gone back to sleep.
"You get one week off and it feels like a lifetime." She said as she came downstairs. "Jamie, can you take Robin and Sophie to school please? I'm not going to make it before registration."
"Sure Mom." Jamie said, so she went upstairs and grabbed her keys before announcing to Sophie and Robin to get ready because she was going to get the car.
They were waiting on the sidewalk for her when she pulled out of the drive onto the road. They got in and were both delivered to school.
"Don't forget you have to pick me up tonight?" Robin reminded her, as he kissed her good-bye and than got out of the car.
"How could I forget" Jamie smiled, her father was out of town on business this morning. He had left at 6 am, heading out to a meeting at The Legends Pass, that would decide where the new theme park would go and when planning would start. John wasn't expecting to be home until tomorrow afternoon. Which meant he was not available to pick up Robin from school.
"I'll be waiting for you." Robin said, before he run in to join his friends.
Jamie waited until he was inside the school before pulling away and heading towards the club. Why she didn't know, she wasn't really in a rush to bump into Tegan and she didn't start work until the afternoon, but she felt something pulling her that way. 'Who am I to argue with instincts?' she thought to herself.
* * * * *
Tegan was awake just after 9 am that morning. She had been woken by a bad dream and although she knew it was bad, she couldn't, for the life of her, remember what it had been about. So she sat down and tried to decide what to do with her time until Jamie arrived. In the end she got her diary out and decided to put yesterday's entry into it.
Well I guess yesterday was a funny kind of day. I told Jamie about the rape and she didn't hate me. It wouldn't surprise me if she does now though. I made a total fool of myself. Me and Jamie were getting along well, talking about different things after I broke down in front of her. Then her ex-girlfriend Catherine showed up and said some pretty horrible things about Jamie, mostly telling me what Jamie was suppose to be like. I had planned to stay at Jamie's last night because I didn't really want to be alone. Well after I heard what Catherine said I just told Jamie I wanted to come home.
The stupid thing is, I don't know why I did it. I told Anne and I was telling myself that it was because I don't know her that much and I can't open myself up to that sort of risk. Well I know that's a load of rubbish. Jamie hasn't made any attempt to harm me in the week that I've known her, she hasn't even shown any sexual interest in me. Why would she want to do what Catherine said she would?
One thing I can say though is that I feel a little better about myself having told Jamie what happened. It was hard because I thought she would hate me like my father did. But she didn't, she was there for me and she comforted me.
I still feel that I must have done something to make Scott do what he did. I wish I knew because then I could stop myself from doing it again because I don't want that to happen to me again. I think I would die if it did.
I'm waiting around for Jamie now. I have to apologise for what I did last night. I have to tell her I don't think she would do anything to hurt me. I'm sure of that now. I just wish I could have admitted that last night.
She finished the entry and then reread it. Everything she wrote was true. She did regret doing what she did to Jamie yesterday and she only hoped that Jamie would accept her apology.
She heard a car pull up outside the club and she looked at the clock. It was 9.45. 'Well that can't be Jamie,' she thought sadly as she walked to the window to see who it was. She was surprised to see the green Rover parked outside. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized that Jamie was here and she would have a chance to apologize. Which she wanted to do more than anything.
So she watched from behind the curtain as Jamie got out of the car and headed towards the entrance. Tegan's only thought now was would Jamie come upstairs or would she stay downstairs and out of Tegan's way until two, when she was supposed to start work. 'If she does that then I'll go and look for her.' Tegan thought to herself, 'I'm not going to let her run away from me.'
With that decided she walked to the door and listened quietly to see if she could hear any movement from the corridor. She did. So she waited a couple of minutes trying to compose herself before opening the door and heading down to the office opposite her apartment.
* * * * *
Jamie heard Tegan walking down the corridor and she winced. She really didn't feel like facing Tegan this morning. It wasn't like she had anything to hide because she didn't, but the look Tegan had given her last night, had hurt. Jamie had always been fragile emotionally. It didn't take a lot to hurt her. It had been made worse by the end of her relationship with Becky. After that she tried to keep her emotions separate from anything else. She had gotten to the stage were nothing ever really hurt anymore because she stopped feeling. Until Tegan came into her life. Then it had all changed. How she didn't know. All she knew that anything Tegan said that was meant to hurt her did. Even a look that showed suspicion or anything like that hurt.
She looked up from her desk when there was a tentative knock at the door. There stood Tegan.
'Great. Just great,' Jamie thought, shaking her head. "Um Hi." She said, nervously.
"Can I speak with you a minute?" Tegan asked.
"Well actually I'm kind of busy." Jamie lied, hoping Tegan would take her word for that and leave.
No such luck. "Really? You don't look very busy." Tegan pointed out, there was nothing on her desk she could be working on. The phone was still in it's cradle. Her computer was even switched off "And even if you were, this will only take a minute. Please?"
"Sure." Jamie said, reluctantly. "Come in."
Tegan did as she was told. She came in and sat in the chair opposite Jamie. "I only wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry about last night." She told her, honestly. "I know it looked like I was taking Catherine's word over yours but I wasn't."
"How could you be? You never even asked me." Jamie snapped. "You just took everything she said as the truth. You never even considered that she was lying."
"Yes I did," Tegan admitted. "I just didn't know what to do. Jamie you haven't been through what I have been through in the last couple of days. I've been raped and treated like a whore by my own family. I have nothing to depend on anymore, I'm on my own. Do you know how hard that is for a sixteen year old?" Tegan looked at Jamie and saw the pain in those lovely blue eyes but she had to say this. "I can't go through what I went through again. I've known you for a week and I don't know anything about you, except you're gay and you have a really nice family who love you and understand you for what you are. I need to work everything out and I need to figure everyone out before I make a judgement on anyone. Whether it's a long time friend or a new one. Everything changed when I went on that date with Scott. My perception on everything that was happening around me and most importantly my perception on people. I trusted Scott because he was the soccer captain. Look where it got me. I need to be certain about everyone before I can decide whether or not I trust them."
"Well you made it obvious last night you don't trust me," Jamie said, sadly. "That hurt, Tegan."
"I know and I'm sorry." Tegan said, regretfully. "And you're wrong. I do trust you, it's me I don't trust anymore."
Jamie frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Like I said my encounter with Scott made my question my ability to see the truth in anyone. I never saw the truth in Scott so now when I see the truth in you, the truth that tells me you wouldn't hurt me I have to question myself on that." Tegan explained. "I just needed a second opinion on it, and I got that."
"Off who?" Jamie asked.
"Your mother. I just needed that confirmation that my thoughts weren't totally screwed up." Tegan said. "And she gave it to me."
"Oh well.. um," Jamie fished around in her head for something to say. "I can see why you feel that way and I'm sorry I got so defensive."
"I expected that," Tegan admitted. "So are we still friends?"
Jamie got out of her chair and walked over to Tegan. "Of course we're still friends." She said, as she put her arms around the girl. "On one condition," she felt Tegan tense.
"What's that?" Tegan asked, fearfully.
"You don't believe a word Catherine ever tells you," Jamie said. "Because if everyone believed Catherine, I wouldn't have any friends left.
"Oh so if she tells me that you are the most beautiful woman in Seaview. I shouldn't believe her?" Tegan said, with a smile. She already knew that was true.
"Catherine would never say that." Jamie said.
"Oh well." Tegan said, removing her arms from around Jamie and felt Jamie do the same.
"Thank you." Jamie said, quietly as they moved away from each other.
Tegan frowned and looked at her. "What for?"
"For believing me. I know, like you said, you don't know me every well and I think I would have reacted the same way as you had, if I'd been through what you have and heard what you heard last night. I was just upset that you never even asked me if it was true." Jamie told her.
"So what exactly are you doing?" Tegan asked, as Jamie returned to her seat opposite her.
"Um." Jamie looked sheepishly at her. "Nothing." She admitted.
"I didn't think so," Tegan smiled, letting Jamie know she wasn't upset for lying to her. "Why are you in so early anyway?"
"Well Mom slept late this morning, so I had to drop Sophie and Robin off in school. And then I decided seeing as I didn't have anything better to do I'd come in here." She said. "I was hoping I could find something to do."
"And you didn't?" Tegan asked.
"Not a thing," Jamie admitted. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." Tegan said, looking intently at the assistant manager.
"When are you going to do the test to see if you are pregnant?" Jamie asked, she knew that it would be a difficult subject for Tegan, but her mother had told her the earlier she knew the better it would be.
"Well I was going to wait and see what happened with my monthlies which is supposed to be two weeks away. If I missed it then I was going to do it." Tegan said, she had been thinking about that a lot over the last couple of days. The truth was though, she really wanted to know. She wanted to know if she was pregnant so she could start deciding what to do with her life. If she wasn't pregnant she could go home in two months. If she was then she could start thinking about whether or not she could give the baby up at the end of it.
"I think that's a good idea. Seeing as it isn't very far away anyway." Jamie agreed.
"No it isn't." Tegan said.
* * * * *
For the next couple of hours Jamie and Tegan sorted out the files in her office. There wasn't anything else to do until she actually started work and then she had to put in the weekly alcohol orders and sort out the next month rotation. She could have started the rotation now but she didn't really want to interrupt her time spent with Tegan, with work. After that they went up to watch the tv in Tegan's apartment.
"Tegan can I ask you a question?" Jamie asked. 'God I seem to be asking that question a lot,' she thought to herself.
"Sure." Tegan said.
"My Dad and me were talking last night and we were both wondering if you had considered going to school here. Like I said before Seaview Comp. is one of the best schools in Wales and I think you should give yourself a chance to do your GCSEs." Jamie told her.
"I don't know really. I mean I don't even know if I'm going to be here long enough to finish the year. If I'm not pregnant I'll be going home in two months time. Is it really a good idea to start thinking about staying here when I don't need to?" Tegan said.
Jamie just looked at her. The thought of Tegan leaving was like a thump in the stomach. 'How can she even think of going back to them,' Jamie thought to herself. 'After what her father did, she would still go back.'
Tegan was also feeling the drop in her stomach at the thought of going home and leaving Jamie. 'I've only just met her and I don't want to leave her.' She thought. 'What is wrong with me?'
"Uh... well maybe we should just see how the pregnancy thing turns out then." Jamie said, trying to keep the pain out of her voice, and only just succeeding.
"Yeah I think that's a good idea." Tegan agreed, struggling with the same emotion.
At 12 'o' clock Jamie decided it was time to get going to work. She said good-bye to Tegan and then headed down to open the bar. Where she helped Ollie set up the bars and then checked all around the club for anything that might have needed sorting out. She checked the toilets for any unwanted comments that seemed so eager to find the walls, relieved to find none.
When that was done she headed back up to her office. Where she got onto her computer and emailed the order for next weeks alcohol. Monday was the busiest day or the week for a club manager. All the weeks alcohol came in and she had to order next weeks load. She had to stock the shelves because her father wasn't in on a Monday. She had to check all the lighting in the club and all the plugs to make sure there weren't any faulty ones. The plugs and sockets she checked every day, just to be safe but it always seemed to take longer on a Monday.
When she looked at her watch she cursed. "Damn it all to Hades." She said. 'Where in Tartarus did that come from?' She thought. 'Huh' those were not terms she had used before.
It was ten to three. She had ten minutes to get to the school to pick Robin up. She bolted out of the door and was glad she hadn't taken her keys out of her pocket earlier.
was looking out of the window when she saw Jamie running out of the club to
her car. It was a good job she knew she had to pick Robin up or she would have
started to panic.
The rest of the week went quickly with not much happening. Tegan and Jamie were really starting to get to know each other and Tegan was feeling increasingly comfortable with Jamie and with what she thought she could feel between them. She was still nervous about trying to start something with Jamie because she wasn't sure if she could give Jamie what she needed. Jamie needed a lover. Everyone did. Tegan didn't know if, even if the relationship between them developed into something more than it was, she didn't know if she could let herself relax enough to let herself be intimate with Jamie. There was nothing she wanted more than to be able to let Jamie give her the pleasure and passion that had been missing on her first time but she didn't know if she could. Every time she tried to think of anyone touching her intimately it was like having Scott leering at her again and she cringed. The last couple of nights Tegan had been staying at Jamie's apartment because she wasn't comfortable staying at the club at the moment.
She smiled when she remembered waking up that morning.
It had been a night like so many of the others since her attack, she slept peacefully for a while before the images of Scott haunted her and she was woke in terror.
This night had a different ending though. The nightmare came but this time she felt herself enveloped in a warmth she didn't know. It was a warmth that she felt safe in and she fell back into a peaceful sleep.
When she woke up she was startled to see a pair of arms around her. She quickly jumped out of bed in a panic until she saw whose arms it was. Jamie was looking just as startled as Tegan was but for a different reason. She had planned to be up before Tegan because she didn't want her to wake like this.
"Um I'm sorry T." Jamie said "I uh.." Jamie took a deep breath and tried to compose herself before she tried to talk again "I couldn't sleep so I went to watch the tv. On my way I could hear you crying so I came in to see if you were alright. You were asleep and it was a nightmare. I didn't want to wake you so I did the only thing I know. I held you and sang quietly until you fell back into a peaceful sleep. I had planned on getting up before you did because I didn't want to frighten you. It looks like that backfired"
'So that was the warmth I felt,' Tegan thought, happily, moving back towards the bed. "I'm sorry if I startled you"
"You're apologizing to me?" Jamie chuckled. "I should be apologizing to you."
"Ok," Tegan said "You apologize to me and I'll apologize to you."
"Good." Jamie said, they bother chuckled then as Jamie looked at her watch. "Well I have to get going. I need to get changed before I go and call... um... someone."
She quickly got out of bed and made her way back to her own bedroom.
Tegan frowned. Wondering who Jamie had to phone that she was embarrassed about. Then she remembered. Jamie had that date tonight with the woman who bought her at the auction.
She remembered with sadness the message that Jamie had given Catherine that night.
"She is paying one thousand dollars just to have you go in and talk to some kids." Catherine had said, disbelieve colouring her voice.
"No that isn't all she wants," Jamie had told he.r "But what else she wants me for is between me and he.r"
She was back at her own apartment now and her stomach dropped again as she thought about what Jamie and that woman would be getting up to tonight.
She didn't want Jamie going out with that woman, 'but what can I say,' she thought. 'Don't go out with her because I want you here with me,' she shook her head. 'I think not.'
All she wanted to do was to tell Jamie not to go but she couldn't. It wasn't fair to Jamie.
She just had to sit here and worry. Hoping that Jamie wouldn't fall in love with the woman. Jamie was a beautiful woman, who could have any woman she wanted. Tegan couldn't expect her to wait around for her. She still wasn't sure that Jamie even felt that way about her. She doubted it greatly. There was a chemistry between them, she could feel it, but could Jamie?
Shaking her head again, she went and sat at the computer. She was bored. She had nothing to do so she switched it on and connected to ICQ.
As soon as it connect there was an uh oh which meant an incoming message. So she clicked on the message that was flashing under the 'not in list' banner.
'It's me, Robin, Jamie agreed to let me have my own account so I couldn't talk to her friends and I could have my own. It's cool. I still have you on my list though. Is that ok?'
'Of course it is Robin. What are you doing this afternoon?'
'Not a lot really. You?'
'Cool can we chat then?'
So Tegan and Robin spent the rest of the afternoon talking about different things and for the first time that day Tegan thought about nothing except her conversation with Robin.
* * * * *
Jamie, however, was in a total mess. She had arranged to go out with Sarah, the woman that had paid the one thousand pounds for her at the auction and now she didn't want to go.
She knew she had to go because she couldn't pay Sarah back but her heart wasn't in it. There wasn't anything she could do about it now. So she looked through her closet for something nice to wear.
She decided on a nice pair of black trousers and a denim shirt. She didn't want to dress up to smartly but she didn't want to go casual either. This was the best of both worlds.
She wasn't planning on letting anything happen tonight. That wasn't what tonight was about anyway. She had let Catherine think it was but what it really was, was Sarah needing an escort to a party tonight and she needed someone that people would stand and stare at. Jamie was that person and for a thousand pounds that was a good bargain. You couldn't pay that for an escort an hour around here.
She knew what Catherine was expecting to happen tonight and she wasn't going to argue with that because it might have ruined her image as a womaniser. Even if she wasn't one anyway.
She shook her head and started to get changed. It was going to be a long night.
* * * * *
It was a long night for both Jamie and Tegan. Tegan sat twiddling her thumbs nearly all night wondering if Jamie and Sarah were doing anything interesting. Before long she decided to go downstairs and talk with Ollie at the bar before she went insane.
Jamie, on the other hand, was enjoying herself more than she thought she would, but she still didn't want to be there. She was enjoying the attention she was getting off everyone. It was nice. Seaview had always been pretty open-minded about homosexuals and this was an example of it. They were at a school dance. The same one that her sister and mother were attending. Who would have thought that was possible. A teacher bringing a woman as her date to a school dance. It wasn't very often that the school held dances here but they had decided to try it as the beginning of open week. Where the school was open to everyone that wanted to have a look around and the students were given the chance to impress teachers from other schools or universities.
Towards the end of the night, when Jamie was driving Sarah home, she was a little apprehensive. She didn't know what Sarah expected of her and she really didn't want to sleep with her. It wasn't because she wasn't good looking because she was. She was extremely beautiful. She had blonde hair, and brown eyes. Her face was full of life and love for all her students and Jamie knew that if she wasn't falling for someone else she could easily fall for this woman.
"Do you want to come in for a drink?" Sarah asked, as Jamie pulled up outside her house.
"Um no... I really think I ought to get going home." Jamie said.
"Jamie it's ok. I'm not really interested in anything else. I'm not asking for anything I'm just asking if you want a drink." Sarah said, knowing that Jamie thought she might have been asking her for more "I swear."
"Oh well, ok." Jamie said, shutting down the ignition and taking the keys out of the car.
"Good." Sarah said, "I thought we could talk about you coming into the school. I really think it will be good for the children if you come in. All this week I've had them getting to know a close friend of mine. Some of them took a while to get used to him because he was black but they settled down after a while. All next week I have a Catholic coming in."
"You'd think that kids their age would have gotten out of that hate everyone that's different stage by now." Jamie said, knowing that in some cases that would never be.
"It all depends on how you are brought up," Sarah said. "How were you brought up Jamie?"
"I was brought up with the impression that no-one is different, because it's what's on the inside that counts, not what people look like, or what their sexuality or religions are." Jamie told her.
"Your parents have brought you and Sophie up well. Many parents don't bring their kids up like that. They just let them decide on their own and sometimes if there is any racial negativity in their parents attitude the child picks it up and situates that into their opinion as well." Sarah said. "That is what I'm hoping this class will do."
"I think it's a good idea," Jamie said. "The kids need to be told they have a choice about what they think. They don't need to be told what to do or who to like."
"My sentiments exactly." Sarah said.
"So basically when I come to the school you want me to be open about my sexuality," Jamie said. "Are you sure Mr. Jones won't mind that?"
"Well I don't want you to be throwing yourself at every girl that comes along. What I want is for you to act like a part time teacher. Get to know the kids and let them get to know you. Then help them out when they need it." Sarah said.
"Don't you think you should get someone whose more qualified to do that?" Jamie asked, not exactly sure whether to be thrilled about this or not.
"Well actually Mr. Jones recommended you. He said if I'm looking for someone who is going to be open about their sexuality and who knows what they're doing when it comes to school work you were the best student he knew." Sarah admitted.
"Really?" Jamie asked, pleased that the principal of the school thought so highly of her.
"Yeah, ' he' gave me the address of the club and said it would be the best place to find you," Sarah explained. "He has extremely high opinions of you."
"Well that's different." Jamie thought as she sat down.
"What would you like to drink?" Sarah asked, as she made her way to the kitchen.
"Can I have a soft drink please?" Jamie asked.
"Pepsi?" Came the shout from the kitchen.
"Yes please." Jamie said, knowing she couldn't drink any alcohol because she was driving. She had planned to stop at the club on the way home, 'just to see how it was going', she told herself. 'Yeah right,' she thought to herself.
Sarah brought the Pepsi in and they sat talking for about half an hour before Jamie decided it was time to head to the club.
"So will you be able to make all day, every day during your week?" Sarah asked, as Jamie got into her car.
"I'll try," Jamie told her. "I'll let you know before hand if I can't."
"Great. I'll see you then." Sarah said.
"Ok." Jamie said, and then she started the engine and drove away.
The journey back to the Triclub was pretty quiet. The streets for a Saturday night were especially quiet.
Which was good because it meant Jamie got to the club quicker.
* * * * *
Tegan was talking to Ollie at the bar when Ollie lifted his hand in greeting, causing Tegan to turn around to see who he was waving at. Tegan's breath caught in her throat as she took in the sight before her. The woman was absolutely gorgeous, and more to the point, she was Jamie. Jamie was wearing the clothes she had planned to wear, black trousers and a denim shirt and she looked absolutely stunning. There was no two ways about it.
Jamie caught the look of adoration on Tegan's face before she was able to mask it. Which brought a smile to Jamie's face. She had sensed over the last couple of days that something was changing between her and Tegan and she hoped it was heading in the way she wanted it to go.
She knew that Tegan was still a bit nervous around anyone she wasn't sure of, which, Jamie knew, was totally understandable and although she knew that Tegan was gay, there was no way she was going to even pressure Tegan into something she didn't want. If Tegan wanted to remain friends then that was better than not having her in her in her life at all. Jamie hoped that the look she had just seen on Tegan's face meant that Tegan wanted to be more than friends. So she walked over to the bar and joined Ollie and Tegan. "Good evening," She said, as she reached them.
"Good evening." They both said, as Ollie poured her a glass of Pepsi.
"Here we go," Ollie said as he handed it to her. "So how did your evening go?"
"It was fine. She wanted me to escort her to the school dance. Can you believe it, a school dance?" Jamie told him "Then we went to her place and we talk about the week I'm suppose to go and talk to the kids. Only I found out that it isn't that. I have to go to school with them and be like a trainee teacher. Me a teacher. God help 'em."
"Are you sure that's all you got up too?" Ollie said, with a sly grin.
"Yes, thank you Ollie, that is all we got up too." Jamie said, sounding exasperated.
"Well that's good," Ollie said. "I've got to get back to work."
"Yes, you had." Jamie said, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm going, I'm going," Ollie said. "Good gosh almighty."
Tegan and Jamie heard this as he went back to work and they started laughing. That wasn't a term used by many of the people around here anymore and it wasn't very often Ollie used it, but when he did it always sounded funny.
"So do you want to come upstairs and have a cup of tea?" Jamie asked, after awhile.
"Sure, this music is starting to do my head in." Tegan admitted, as she jumped off the stool she was sitting on and walked towards the door.
"Ollie give me a shout when you're ready to close up." Jamie said, as she followed Tegan out of the room and up the stairs.
The rest of the night they spent talking about Jamie's date and who had been at the dance. That was the best thing about the relationship between them at the moment, they both felt they could tell each other anything or talk about anything.
They sat watching the tv for a while before Tegan decided to speak again. "Jamie, what was it like for you, when you first found out you were a lesbian?" Tegan asked, she remembered all too well what it was like for her, she wanted to know how it was for the woman she loved. 'Loved. Where did that come from?' She asked herself. 'Oh come off it Tegan, you've been in love with her since day one.'
"It was strange, I guess. Everyone was always talking about the boys they liked and I just wasn't interested. I did have a crush on a girl though. So one day I asked my mother why I had a crush on Sonia, while all my friends had crushes on Darren. You would never believe how popular that boy was. Too bad for most of the people that fancied him, he was gay. My mother told me it could be a phase I was going through or I could be homosexual. Well I never grew out of it, so we just took it as being gay. My parents were really supportive. I couldn't have asked for more." Jamie told her, she didn't want to ask but she figured this was Tegan's way of starting a conversation she needed to have. "What was it like for you?"
"It was hard," Tegan admitted. "I wrote about it all in my diary a couple of weeks ago. Do you want to read it?"
"Oh no T. that's private." Jamie said.
"I would like you to read it, Jamie. It might help you understand it more if you read it than if I tell you." Tegan told her.
"Well if you don't mind," Jamie said.
Tegan went into the bedroom and collected the diary, then she came back and handed it to Jamie, who opened it and began to read.
It's not easy, being different. I guess I always knew I wasn't like my friends. While they were talking about the boy of the moment, I was thinking about girls.
I've been out with a few boys before, because it seemed like the thing to do. I never really felt anything for them though. I felt really uncomfortable with the way I was feeling at first because nearly everyone I know is against it. They think homosexuals should be put on an island and then the island should be blown up.
I try to spend most of my time doing the same things most of the girls my age do. I go to school, I study for my GCSEs, go out with my friends and read. The rest of my time I spend wondering what it would be like to be in love with someone and to have them love me back.
I am a sixteen year old girl, who has never experienced love before. People are always telling me I have plenty of time. But when you're a teenager, you think, if you don't experience it now, you never will.
All my friends are involved with boys, some even say they are in love with them. I have to admit it makes me jealous sometimes, that they have experienced that. Another thing I am jealous of is the fact that they can be open about their relationship. I know I could never be open in a relationship. Not in a world were homosexual relationships are still frowned upon by so many people. Granted it isn't as bad as it was a few years ago, especially after a few famous people coming out. But it is still 'not natural'.
My parents would absolutely freak if they found out. My father's job as Mayor means we are constantly in the spotlight. If it ever came out that I was gay, it would ruin his chances for re-election. He would kick me out of the family before he let that happen. I want to tell someone about this because I need to talk to someone. Going through this alone isn't easy.
But I do know that I have to accept it before I can expect anyone to accept me for who I am. It is then that I might have a chance of meeting someone and falling in love.
There was silence in the room for a while as Jamie finished reading. She had never had to worry about that with her family. She couldn't imagine how lonely it must have been for Tegan.
"It was such a relief for me to actually tell Jenny. She was accepting of it but we both knew my parents wouldn't be," Tegan said, as Jamie put her arms around her again. "It must have been nice to have everyone there for you."
"It was," Jamie admitted. "But T. you're not on your own now. I'll always be here for you, and my family will be there for you too." Jamie smiled. "They've taken quite a liking to you."
"They're nice people," Tegan said. "I've only known them about two weeks and they've made me feel welcome," she sighed. "They had no reason to do that. Your father gave me a home, even though he knew nothing about me. Your brother gave me company when I needed it and you've all given me your friendship. You don't know how much that means to me."
"If it means as much to you, as it would to me, then I know." Jamie said. Just then there was a knock on the door. "That'll be Ollie," Jamie got up and answered the door and sure enough there was Ollie.
"We are ready to close up now Boss." He said, with a smile, he knew how much Jamie hated being called Boss.
"Ok, Ollie." Jamie said, with a slight snarl in her voice. "I'll be down now."
"Ok." Ollie said, then turned and walked down the corridor and back to the bar.
"Well I better get going. Are you going to be alright on your own tonight?" Jamie asked, as she shut the door and walked over to Tegan. "Because if you don't think you will be, you can come home with me. I don't mind the company."
Tegan thought for a minute, trying to decide whether she wanted to stay or go with Jamie. She wanted to go but she didn't want to make it look like she couldn't stand the thought of being alone.
"I think it would be better if I wasn't alone yet. At least if I have a nightmare again, I have someone there for me." Tegan told her.
"Well go and get your stuff ready then. I'll pop down and close the rest of the club, then I'll meet you downstairs," Jamie said, walking over to the door. "Don't be long," were her final words before she left.
Tegan got her stuff ready quickly and then made sure everything was turned off before heading down to Fantasy Island. Where she waited patiently for Jamie.
on then," Jamie said, as she shut the last light off, and headed towards
the door. Tegan followed.
The day Tegan's period was due, came and went and Tegan resigned herself to the fact that she needed to make an appointment with the doctor. It was a week after she was supposed to have her period and she couldn't wait much longer. She needed to know.
She waited for Jamie to come back from her morning run before she phoned. It wasn't long before Jamie arrived and Tegan managed to grab her before she went for a shower.
"Jamie?" Tegan sounded nervous so Jamie stopped immediately.
"Are you ok?" She asked.
Tegan smiled and then spoke again "I'm fine. But see I'm nearly two weeks late and I was wondering if I could use your phone to make an appointment with the doctor."
"You're over a week late," Jamie said. "Of course you can use the phone. The doctors number is next to the phone."
So Tegan made an appointment with the doctors for early the following morning, while Jamie went and had a shower. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go herself or not. So she decided to ask Jamie to come with her.
It wasn't long before Jamie was out of the shower and making them a cup of tea. "Did you make an appointment?" she asked, as she handed Tegan her tea.
"Yeah for 9.30 tomorrow morning," Tegan said. "Would you um... would you come with me? I mean you can sit in the waiting room, while I go in, but I'd just like to have some company while I wait. If the doctors here are anywhere near as bad for keeping time as they are in River's End, then I'll be there awhile"
"The doctors here are pretty good but I'll be there. I told you if you needed someone there with you T. I'm your girl." Jamie smiled, trying to ease the worry that was starting to show on Tegan's face.
"Thank you Jamie," Tegan said, as she walked over and put her arms around the woman who in the last couple of weeks had become her best friend. "It's nice to know I have someone I can count on. I never had that at home. Jenny was usually there for me but it wasn't the same."
"Well I'm glad you feel that way." Jamie said, as she hugged the smaller woman.
Being there felt so right that they both had to force themselves to move apart.
Tegan and Jamie had planned to spend the day going over the profits for the last month today and Jamie was glad of the company and the help.
"T. I've been thinking," Jamie said, once they were back on the sofa. "You spend so much helping me work, I was thinking it would be nice if you got paid for it."
"Paid. But I don't do anything only help you out. That isn't worth getting paid for." Tegan told her, it was a nice offer but there was no way she would take Jamie up on it. "Besides if I got paid for it I would feel like I was getting charity off you and I don't want that. I mean your father is charging way to little rent for the apartment, which I hardly stay at. I have five hundred pounds to last me a year, so I don't need money."
"Are you sure?" Jamie asked, she wanted to give Tegan something, just to let her know that her help was appreciated.
"Yeah I only help because I like the company not because I want to help you." Tegan said, with a smile.
"Well that's good, because I enjoy the company and I don't really need the help," Jamie said ."Not that I don't appreciate it."
"I know you do." Tegan said.
"So am I still going to have your company today?" Jamie asked, finishing her tea.
"Absolutely." Tegan smiled.
Jamie chuckled, "Absotively posilutely."
"Hey, you watched Oliver too." Tegan said, slapping Jamie on the arm.
"Hey, I have a six year old brother. I've watched every disney film twice at least." Jamie said."Now come on we have work to do."
They made their way to the front door and then to the car. It wasn't long before the arrived at the club and got straight to work.
* * * * *
The following day didn't come quick enough for Tegan. She was extremely nervous about going to see the doctor but she was excited too and for the first time, since it had happened she hoped she was pregnant. She knew that if she was, she would be giving up most of her childhood and she would be missing out on a lot of things. College and University would have be put on hold, at least until the child was old enough to go to day care or something.
Jamie was just getting ready before they headed out when she thought about all the complications a child could have on Tegan's life. She was so young, maybe too young to have a baby. If she was pregnant what would she do. Would she have an abortion, have the baby and do what her father wanted her to do, put it up for adoption or would she be strong enough to keep it herself?
"Everything is an if," Jamie said to herself, as she finished pulling on her shoes and went out to meet Tegan who was sitting on the sofa waiting for her. "Well are you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." Tegan said, grabbing her coat and heading towards the door. With that they both left.
Continued in Part IV
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