Angel in My Eyes

by Paully Adams

Disclaimers: Xena, Gabrielle and any other characters featured in the actual TV series are copyrighted to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures; just borrowing for this story. The story is mine. Please contact me before using any of my stuff. Thanks.

SPOILERS: Season three Rift episodes including, but not limited to Bitter Suite,

and various season four episodes, such as Between the Lines, The Crusader, and

season one (or was it two) episode The Prodigal .

ROMANCE WARNING/DISCLAIMER: I think that they are in love, but I've tried to

write the story so that the relationship may be interpreted by sub-texters,

non-subtexters and anti-subtexters.

Lyrics from Angel in My Eyes sung by John Michael Montgomery was borrowed for

this story. The song doesn't belong to me, but was written by Blair Daly and Tony Mullins; copyright 1997 by Reysong Publishing Corp., BMI/Knob Twister, ASCAP.

At first, I was going to write this about Gabrielle, with Xena being the

character reminiscing. But that was too easy for me (after all, I'm a

Gabrielle-aholic, a full member in training of GGGHD and most of my stories focus on her), so I decided to focus on why Gabrielle would stay with Xena, especially since Xena tried to get rid of her so often during season four.

Oh, BTW, please feed the bard. I usually write back to those who write. But if you write only to tell me that X&G are not, or should not be a couple, save your time and mine--Don't.

I look at my raven-hair angel as she finally falls back asleep. Yet again, a nightmare from the past kept both of us from enjoying a full night of rest. This

one was especially terrible, at least for me. For once Xena woke up, she started

to cry and begged me to never leave her side.

I will have to admit, I've left her side too manny times. Sometimes it was my initiative. I remember a time when I froze during a fight, and I wanted to go back home. When I returned, the people I grew up with rejected me, calling me an outsider because I left with The Destroyer of Nations. Even after I rescued my hometown, I knew I couldn't stay; Poteidaea was no longer my home for Xena held that place in my heart.

At other times it was her idea; like the first time we met Najara. She loved me so much, she was going to leave me behind; trying to protect me and keep that awful vision of us dying from coming true. Then she found out the truth about

Najara and by the end of it all, she realized that she was stuck with me.

She is turning in her sleep again. I pray that it isn't another nightmare. She didn't tell me what the other nightmare was about, but she didn't have to say anything. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of our children's deaths. And four days from now will be the anniversary of the day we found ourselves in Illusia-- two of the most painful memories for the both of us.

When I think of those times, I thank my lucky stars for every second she's here with me. I wasn't sure we would make it through those dark days. We both made so many mistakes. We didn't trust each other to tell the truth and we did things without thinking. Those lies and actions almost destroyed us. Solon helped us rediscovered truths that both of us forgot-- love is stronger than hate, truth can overcome a lie, and forgiving others will lead to our own freedom.

Of course, sometimes one has to learn those lessons over and over again. She kept Alti's vision about our deaths a secret for a very long time. Alti forced me to live through it-- the snow, the nails driving through my flesh, and the absolute pain of it all. After that revelation, Xena is either constantly by my side watching over me or trying to get rid of me.

Another nightmare is causing Xena to toss and turn. I lay by her side and hold her in my arms. She awakes and looks up at me, tears in her eyes. Seeing her like this floods my mind with the memory of us standing in front of two funeral pyres; our hopes and dreams burning and rising away from us.

I leave that memory behind, focusing on the here and now, focusing on her. I look into her cobalt blue eyes, and see the confusion, sorrow and despair. "Hey,

I'm right here," I whisper to her. Her response rocks me to my core.

"Why? Why are you here? You have been hurt too many times because of me. And you know as well as I do that the vision is still ahead of us. You deserve more. You deserve better. Why are you here?"

I take a deep breath as I try to come up with the words that will finally prove to her that I don't want to leave her side, no matter what the future brings us.

But how can I tell her that she is my day and my night? That she is the breath that gives me life? I smile down at her. I'll just tell her the truth.

"Xena, sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry. Sometimes we fight and we don't know why. But then I feel you by my side, and I know that you are watching over me. I feel a chill running down my spine, and that is all the proof I need.

You fill my heart and you fill my soul. You are the other half that makes me whole. But most importantly, no matter what, you believe in me. You are the closest to heaven I'll ever see and you will always be an angel in my eyes."


Written and ęCopyrighted by: Paully Adams

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