Homes Dont Really Exist
R. G. Heller
Disclaimer: These characters are mine. Please do not use them without my consent.
Sex and Violence: No
Bad Language: F*$% Yeah! Yes there is a lot of bad, bad language.
Authors Note: This is my first attempt at an Uber Story. Love to know what you think. You can find me at http://firstname.lastname@example.org and if you like what you read visit my homepage at http://www.angelfire.com/super/fiction
"Shit Kel, shes fucking screaming in there!"
"Well go in there or something."
"What? You go in there Rick. No Im not "
"You know her "
"I dont know her, god damn it! No, I cant. I cant
"Kel Im about to call the fuckin cops."
"No, Rick, please. Fuck!"
"Go in there. Ill be right outside the door."
"Ok. Alright. Just "
Im giving writing a shot again. Not really, its nothing very ordered. Im simple. I like dialogue. I hate big words. I havent written in over five years, and I dont believe I have ever finished anything. I just started reading again. Jen bought me a book. Shes the one screaming. She was only going to stay for a few days. Its been a month. I dont mind though. Its sorta nice having someone else around, and shes been Ok. If nothing else she scans my calls for me. No one calls for her.
"Kel! Kel! Phone!"
"Yeah, I heard you. Sorry guys. Ill be right back to get you."
"Listen Kel, you tell those fuckers to stop calling here. Im on my last straw with you. Take care of your shit."
"Ive told em Rick. Ill take care of it."
I hate phones. When Im working I just wait for Rick to walk away and then I hang it up. Hes been on his last straw with me for five months now. I send all I can out each month, but all I can isnt enough to cover everyone I owe. I need a new credit card. I cant even get a K-mart card. I havent tried Target yet. I dont even have a checking account. I go to the grocery store to cash my paychecks, and buy money orders for my bills.
"Hey Kel, can I bum a cigarette?"
"God, I owe you at least a carton."
"Fuck it. Buy me a drink sometime."
"Sure thing. Well, the snows slowin things up. Ricks lettin me go home early."
"I dont know why he just doesnt close. I hate driving in this shit."
"Yeah. I hate scraping my windshield more."
"Oh fuck. Jesus my scrapers a piece of crap."
"I never scrape the whole thing. I just make a little hole on the drivers side. I cant see shit."
"Oh Ive definitely done it that way before."
"Thanks for the cigarette Kel."
"Whatever. Drive safe. See you tomorrow Lisa."
Ive been told Im a terrible driver. Aggressive, and even worse when I m drunk. Its been almost 2 years since I got my license back. Driving while intoxicated. I pulled into a parking lane. I must have wanted to make a right turn. I was wearing my seat belt however. Cracked my collarbone, and you cant imagine the bruise the seatbelt left. Yes, I had my seatbelt on. Go figure. I lost my license for three months and my job for good. Out of all the applications I turned in, this was the only place willing to hire me. Actually this was the only place willing to hire me with no questions asked, and I had to start working again.
"Hey Kel that lady in that booth over there is askin for you. Shes piss drunk. Oh, and Id appreciate if youd meet up with your friends after work."
"Who her. I dont know her."
"She knows you."
I grew up in South Omaha. Its in Nebraska, that state thats right smack dab in the middle of the country. Actually I grew up on the outskirts of South O. More like Central Omaha, but no one ever says theyre from Central Omaha. Anyway, people tend to think youre tough if youre from South O so thats what I tell them. No one else had kids in the neighborhood except the Halloways. They lived right next door. They had two. Jennifer and Mike. Mike was my age, but we never hung out. Jen was quite a bit older, at least 6 or 7 years. I absolutely adored her. Id sit out on my porch and wait for her to come home from work and hope shed talk to me. She always did. Shed ask me how school was, what grade I was in, if I was dating, the usual kind of neighbor-to-neighbor questions. Id always ask her about work. She never said much. I think she hated her job. I always felt giddy after talking to her. I dont know why. When I turned 16 she moved out. She never stopped home after that, not even for the holidays.
"Hey, miss? Are you all right? You need to keep your head up Ok. You asked for me?"
"Ohh Hi Kelly! Do you remember me?"
"Jennifer? Jennifer Halloway? Jesus Christ, how are you? Whereve you been hiding? Its been a while."
"Well Im back in town for a while."
"Thats I mean how "
"Your mother told me you were working here."
"You talked to my mother?"
"Hey Kelly? Could you be so kind as to bring me a beer or somethin?"
"Well, you know I think Ricks gonna close up early tonight. Were gonna stop serving here pretty quick."
"Who, that guy? Shit. Kelly, he asked me if I wanted anything. I said you. I know Im pretty plastered but dont fuck me around."
"Im not Jennifer."
"Im not Jen."
"Please bring me something to drink then."
"You sure? I just made a fresh pot of coffee."
"I didnt come here to sober up Kelly."
"Alright, Ill see what I can do. Youve got a keep your head up though. Rickll throw you out. God I cant believe its you. Sorry, I "
"Sure, sure, go, go, please."
I always sneak away into the bathroom at least once or twice a night when Im working. I dont use it. Its to dirty. I just stand in front of the mirror and look at myself, or have a cigarette and watch our intoxicated cliental try and wash their hands after they piss all over the toilet. Why they just dont sit down I dont know. Its one thing trying to squat sober. Of course it only takes one. Even drunk, most dont prefer sitting on a pee lined toilet seat. So, I hide in there until the stench starts to sting my nose, or Rick starts screaming my name. Its usually the latter of the two.
"Yeah, Im right here. Sorry I needed to use the bathroom quick."
"Did ya tell this lady here you would get her a drink?"
"Well, I suggested coffee."
"Look miss, Im sorry but I have to cut you off. You could hardly make it from the booth to here. If I had my door guy working you wouldnt have even been allowed in."
"Ya offered me something earlier."
"Jen, where are you staying? I can take you home after we close up. You need to get some rest Ok."
"I want a fukin drink Kelly. I didnt come here to get lectured I came here to drink. Youre my buddy Kelly, why cant you get me a drink? God damn."
"Miss, please calm down. Were not going to serve you. Do want me to call you a cab?"
"No Rick, Ill take her home."
"Home? Im not going home. Fuck you. Ill find another bar. Wheres your bathroom?"
I have a one-bedroom apartment, so Jens been crashin on the couch. Shes almost as tall as the damn thing is long. I usually come home real late, or better yet real early. Im a sucker for after hours parties. Usually Jens still sleeping when I finally make my way in. If shes already up, I just pass out on the couch. A few weeks ago I woke up on the couch and she was sitting in the rocking chair right across from me. To tell you the truth it kind of freaked me out. She wasnt watching TV or anything, she was just sitting there. We talked a little, and she gave me a packet she had picked up from UNO. She told me I should look into it. I passed out again and didnt see her until the next day. I put the packet on top of my dresser. I dont know why I didnt just throw it out. Im never going to look at it.
"Im going, Im going."
"Just take a deep breath."
"Ok Im fine. Your gonna be right outside here right?"
"Yeah, Ill be right here."
My heart was pounding so hard when I went into that bathroom. I thought I might throw up. I think my hands were shaking, but I dont remember. She had stopped screaming by the time I finally went in. She was kneeling down in one of the stalls next to a toilet seat, as if she were going to vomit. I stopped right inside the door and just starred at her. I may have said her name. She didnt turn around.
"Im sorry Kelly. I feel like a big fucking "
"Its Ok Jen. Just relax all right. Whats wrong sweetie?"
"I didnt want I didnt no where to go I havent been back in so long."
"Huh. Well, Ive never been out."
"Oh, God I feel so stupid."
"Its all right honey. Im here to help Ok. Just tell me whats wrong."
"No, everythings fine. Ill get out of here."
"Hey, careful, careful. I got you, I got you. Here, lean back. Can you stand?"
"Yes. Thanks. Help me out to my car Kelly."
"Jen you cant drive. Please, I can take you home."
"I cant go home Kelly. I just want to sleep."
"You you can stay at my place."
"No! Kelly, just take me to my car."
"God dammit. Please."
"Jen please tell me whats wrong. Why cant you go home honey? Please, Im right here. I want to help you."
"No you dont. Why would you care?"
"I care enough Jen. Im not letting you leave on your own. Ill just wait for you to pass out."
"Well fuck you!"
"Hey you came here Jen."
"Fuck you! Let go of me!"
"Jen! Jesus Christ your gonna fall. Stop it!"
"You remember Mike?"
"What? Your brother?"
"Yeah sure, you want me to call him."
"No. He blew his head off. Stuck a shotgun in his mouth. My mom found him."
"Oh God, Jen. Oh my God, Im so sorry."
"I had to come home that fucking bastard. I dont understand. My mom set a fuckin place for him at the table tonight. I couldnt God "
"Its Ok, its Ok."
"Please just dont let go of me."
She hasnt talked about the suicide since that night, and I havent asked. I dont know if I should. I went with her to the cemetery once but I stayed in the car. She didnt stay long anyway. It was too cold. Maybe Im not the right person to help her, and she knows it. I run from my problems. Ive considered moving before just to get away from them. You know I didnt even cry when she told me. It wasnt the shock, I just didnt cry. I still havent. I dont really even know why Im letting her stay with me. Maybe its for old times sake. Maybe I still like her a little for some reason or another.