Memories and Revelations
This takes place after The Crusader, I got the idea while watching it on DVD, and This is my take on what happen between that and Past Imperfect and a bit after. It’s another one of my Character studies I hope you enjoy it. Ri J
They left the army encampment where they had left Najara. Xena was very quiet as they walked side by side.
“Are you ok?” Gabrielle asked Xena softly.
Xena smiled and nodded.
“Are you sure? You seem very distracted.”
“I was just thinking.”
“Can I ask you something?”
Xena chuckled and rolled her eyes, “You need to ask?”
Gabrielle smiled for a moment and then she suddenly became very serious. Xena read the expression easily, she stopped put her hand on her friend’s shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Were you planning on leaving me with Najara?”
Xena’s face was blank but Gabrielle could read her eyes very easily. She saw fear, worry, guilt and most of all love.
“I saw how happy you were with her and I didn’t know how deluded she was then. I thought it would be safer for you. You wouldn’t be constantly in danger like you are with me.”
“Xena, I don’t care about that…”
“Well I do! All I want for you is to be happy
and most importantly safe.”
“I won’t be happy with out you.”
“I know…I just…I always seem to be hurting you and it tears me to pieces.”
Gabrielle took her hands and brought them to her heart, “I know I made a lot of mistakes. You reacted to that. I understand, I forgave you just like you forgave me. I love you so much Xena.”
Xena pulled her into a hug and held her tight. “I love you too, with all my heart. That is why I wanted you safe and maybe even happy.”
“Why is my being safe so important right now, I mean we’re always in trouble.”
“Its…I…”Xena fell silent as the sting of tears tore her apart. She pulled Gabrielle into a tighter embrace.
Xena pulled back, “Let’s get to our next camp.”
*** *** *** ***
They were on the way to warn the people of Attica of a band of marauders that had been wreaking havoc across the land. Xena had decided to tell her beloved Gabrielle her vision and was disappointed when she wouldn’t accept it. She wouldn’t even want to talk it over with her.
So they were silently walking to small town.
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Don’t try that again.”
“I know and understand that you were acting out of love. I won’t desert you I think you need me as much as I need you.”
Xena nodded and said, “I do, but….”
“But nothing, we stay together…”
Xena stopped and put her hands on Gabrielle’s shoulders looking deeply into beautiful green eyes, “Gabrielle, I saw the two of us die a horrible death. I don’t want you…I can’t let you…I just won’t…” she couldn’t go on, she tried to pull away but Gabrielle wouldn’t let her.
“If that’s what our fate is then so be it. I accepted that a long time ago. I need you in my life, losing you would be the true torment.”
Xena’s lips trembled as she thought of her beloved suffering from either pain. “Ok Gabrielle, ok. I’m sorry,” She pulled her into a bear hug and her eyes brimming with tears.
Gabrielle was crying too her head on the strong shoulder, “Don’t be sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
*** *** *** *** ***
They were quietly lying on their bedroll by the fire, Katrina’s army had been defeated and the deluded woman who had betrayed Xena and had forced her to relive one of the worst times of her life had escaped from the trap she so carefully arranged. She was forced to relive the horrible memories of the death of Borias and giving her baby away.
Xena was curled on her side staring at the fire, tears rolling down her cheeks trying to figure why she had to relive that horror with the vision of Gabrielle and her death still plaguing her. Gabrielle was lying beside her Xena had thought she had fallen deeply asleep.
“I thought you were fast asleep.”
“I could feel you thinking.”
“Sorry, I’ll try to keep it down.”
Gabrielle’s hand was now gently on her shoulder, the comfort of the warmth from that little hand made her feel better she turned and put her arms around Gabrielle’s stomach pulling her close.
“Are you feeling a bit better?”
“Not really, I just realized a few things….”
Xena smiled slightly she rubbed her cheek against Gabrielle’s as she softly answered, “That your right, that if we are to die there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I am not going to make it easy for the fates though I am not going to allow us to get into that position. If I can find anyway to protect you I will but I am not going to endanger our relationship to do it.”
“I don’t think you can do that, I love you. Your apart of me. I know you will protect us if you can, that’s what I was trying to tell you before.
Xena smiled sweetly and leaned forward to kiss her tenderly. Then she pulled back and said, “Your apart of me too. Forever. We will just do the best we can to avoid the Romans.”
“That’s fine with me I’ve had more then enough of them.”
“Yep, so have I.”
“What’s the other thing you realized?”
“That Borias did love me and I loved him too and our baby was a product of that love. At least my Solan was deeply loved by both us even if he had such a short time with us.”
“I never doubted that you did. When I was with him I saw so much of you in him.”
“Me? How could you see that? He didn’t even know me…”
“His expressions, his passion, his intelligence. He was very much his mother’s son.”
In a teary voice Xena whispered, “Gabrielle….”
“Really all the goodness in your soul was passed on to your son.”
Xena closed her eyes she lowered her head to Gabrielle’s shoulder. Gabrielle pulled her close to comfort her. “I hope your right, I’d really like to be a tiny part of his goodness.”
“You did. I saw it so clearly in his eyes as I spoke to him I felt like I was talking to tiny version of you.”
Tears were falling down both their cheeks, Xena looked deeply into beloved green eyes and she nodded, “Thank you.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Thank you it means so much to me to hear that about my baby. Thank you, Love.”
Gabrielle gently wiped Xena’s eyes and said, “I say what I think, your baby was special and so are you.”
Xena shook her head and pulled Gabrielle into a bear hug unable to speak anymore.”
*** **** **** ****
They had just finished breakfast and Xena staring at the fire with a far off expression.
“Hey, you ok?”
“Did you see the vision again?”
Xena nodded, “I can’t…It pops up when I least expect it. I was just drinking the last of my coffee…It just hit me as I stared at the fire.”
Gabrielle sat next to her and said softly, “I understand, I wish I could take it away. I hate to see you in such pain.”
Xena pulled Gabrielle close and leaned her head against Gabrielle’s. “I’m used to it. Pain is something I learned to live with a long time ago. What’s killing me is the vision of you dying with me…I can’t stand the thought of you dying like that…your such a good soul…”
“I wish you never saw it. I hate Alti for putting it in there.” Gabrielle said her hand tenderly caressing Xena’s cheek.
“No… It’s what told me that you were still alive. It gave me the strength to fight Alti and win. I always knew you were a part of me. Forever. I can’t explain how much I missed you though. It was like a part of me was missing. I almost went crazy with out you in my life. I was more then willing to die to save the Amazons. When we were battling she thought she was torturing me with your death beside me. She didn’t expect the change it created. She helped me go from someone willing to die to someone who wanted to win. I was determined to win so I could get right back home and find you. At that time it was a blessing, it sent me back to you…now that I have you back… the thought of causing your death…now it’s a curse.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No, I don’t want you to be sorry I want you to understand.”
“I do understand Xena, really I do.”
“Do you want some time away from me? I know it’s been as hard on you as it has been on me.”
“No, I love being with you. We can deal with this. I just don’t want you to try and protect me at the expense of other people.”
Xena lifted her head her eyes red rimmed but she looked surprised, “I didn’t do that.”
“How about the division of troops in Attica you wanted to use as a distraction?”
“We were under siege. I was just trying to protect you.”
“I’d rather be with you…”
Xena shook her head and pulled her closer, “You are so stubborn.”
Gabrielle smiled slightly, “I have to be I’m your life mate.”
Xena smiled too, she dried Gabrielle’s tears and then her own, “Yes you are. So my darling life mate what would you like to do?”
“Visit the Amazon.”
“What ever my Gabrielle wants, my Gabrielle gets.” Then she brought the sweets lips to hers and kissed her love deeply.
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